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Chapter 5: The Princess' Decision

Hunith sent Merlin on ahead to dinner with the rest of the family. She needed some time alone to think. Her son had been a bit confused as to why she wasn't going with him, but she gave him a reassuring smile and told him she just wanted to stay in their rooms tonight, but he should go on and have fun. It wasn't a lie, exactly, she just wasn't telling him why she wanted to stay in her room.

As soon as the door closed behind Merlin, Hunith let out a long sigh and sank down onto her bed, putting her head in her hands.

She still couldn't believe the conversation she had just had with her parents. She was almost tempted to just lay down and bury her head under the covers, and maybe when morning came, this would all turn out to be a bad dream.

But burying her head under the covers wasn't going to solve anything.

Her mind went back to a conversation with Balinor, long ago. When she had first met him, he had been so… standoffish, like he was angry with the whole world. She wasn't sure what had drawn her to him, perhaps he had felt like a challenge in some way; she had been stubbornly determined to draw a smile from him.

And the smile had come- eventually, reluctantly, after several attempts to draw him into a conversation that went beyond a few noncommittal grunts and one word replies.

But even after that, it had been longer still until he had opened up to her, allowed her to see the pain beneath his anger.

The memory of that night was vivid in her head. They'd been sitting in the palace courtyard, tucked away into a corner, not because Hunith was keeping her conversation with him a secret- no, the secrets had come later- but because Balinor didn't care for prying eyes, or ears either.

He had told her about his heritage- he was a dragonlord, coming from a long line of those who could speak to and even control dragons. He had told her how he was the last, the only dragonlord left, how King Uther had tricked all the other dragonlords and now they and all their dragons were dead. How Uther had captured his own bonded dragon, Kilgharrah, and Balinor had barely escaped with his life.

When he spoke of Uther and his betrayal, his eyes had burned with rage and hatred, but when he spoke of his kin- of the dragonlords and their dragons, there had been such sorrow and regret….

Now Hunith's parents wanted her to marry the man who had done all that. Who had destroyed Balinor's life, murdered his kin…

Even considering doing so felt like a betrayal of Balinor, of the man she still loved. Hunith had resigned herself to the knowledge that someday she would marry. That it was her duty to do so, even if her heart still belonged to the man she had loved so briefly and lost.

But to marry Uther, Balinor's greatest enemy… That she had never even imagined.

Uther was the reason they had kept Merlin's magic quiet. Magic wasn't illegal in Essetir, but word of Uther's hatred for it had spread. None of them had been entirely sure how he would react if he ever found out a member of the nearest kingdom's royal family had magic. Just how far would he go in his quest to wipe it out? Would he do nothing? Declare war? Did he hate it enough to try to extend his battle with it beyond his own borders? They didn't want to risk finding out.

Even from afar, Uther Pendragon had made an impact on her son's life. And this was the man her parents wanted her to marry.

Something in Hunith shifted uncomfortably. But what if that was the very reason that she should accept Uther's proposal? What was it her father had said? That it would be better to have Camelot as a friend than a potential enemy?

If she and Uther were to marry, their kingdoms would enter into an official alliance. Surely even Uther wouldn't risk breaking that and declaring war, no matter how deep his hatred of magic ran. If a king broke one alliance, all his other alliances could easily be forfeit. His remaining allies might well decide to turn on him before he could turn on them.

And Hunith couldn't deny the benefit an alliance with Camelot would have for her kingdom, the advantages her parents had laid out for her.

Nor could she deny that she was unlikely to receive any other suitors. If she denied Uther's proposal, she would likely remain unmarried for life.

She wasn't sure she'd necessarily mind that… the only man she truly wanted to spend her life with was out of her reach, but…. she had already disappointed her parents once. They wouldn't hold that above her head, she knew they loved her regardless but in a way that made her desire not to disappoint them again stronger. She could never regret what she had had with Balinor, but she did regret sneaking around behind her parents' backs.

She didn't want to spend her life simply living off her parents' charity, and when they had died, her brother's. She wouldn't rule the kingdom one day, Cassian was the heir. The only way she really had to contribute was to marry, and thus form an alliance with another kingdom.

For the good of her family, her kingdom, her people….

Hunith closed her eyes, trying to imagine it. Going to Camelot, marrying Uther, after everything she had heard about him…. leaving Merlin behind….

A hand seemed to clench around her heart. That was the part she hadn't even let herself think about yet. How could she leave her little boy? Merlin was the light of her life, her reason for waking up in the morning.

The longest she had ever been apart from him was for a little over a day, when her father and brother had tried to take him along with them and his cousin Cenred for a hunting trip. (The moment he had realized they were actually planning to shoot and kill animals, Merlin had started crying inconsolably and they had had to bring him back to the castle before they headed out hunting again without him, much to Cenred's annoyance.)

Hunith couldn't imagine moving to another kingdom and starting a new life that didn't include her son. Yes, as her mother pointed out, Camelot wasn't so far away. Yes, she could probably visit often, but… it wouldn't be the same. She would miss so much of his life. And how could she begin to explain to him why she was leaving him?

Merlin had never known his father, surely it couldn't be right for him to grow up without his mother too.

Taking him to Camelot with her was surely out of the question. He was so young, and his magic was so instinctive… And while Uther may or may not have been willing to declare war on another kingdom because of magic in the royal family, there was little doubt what he would do if he discovered a child within his own castle was a sorcerer.

Uther wouldn't care that Merlin was a child…. Hunith knew that children hadn't been exempt from his "Great Purge"...

So say no then, Hunith's mind urged her. Marrying Uther, leaving Merlin…. It was too much to sacrifice.

But was anything too much to sacrifice, for the good of her kingdom? Her son was, unequivocally, but Merlin would be safe here, even if they weren't together….

What if she did say no? Would Uther take offense? Become an enemy, rather than a friend? Surely he wouldn't be so easily angered as to start a war over so small a slight, but what if he decided to find out why she had refused? What if his questions led him to her sorcerer son?

No, that was ridiculous, she was just being paranoid. She forced herself not to get carried away, she couldn't let an irrational fear make this decision for her.

Hunith drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, as if the action would somehow give her clarity. She remembered her father's assurance that he and her mother would love her, regardless of her decision.

That ought to have made it easier to say no. And in a way, she supposed it might have. But then… if her parents had tried to force her into this marriage, it would have been easy to lean into her rebellion and anger. By leaving the choice up to her, Huntih was forced to face it with a clear head… or as clear as it could be anyway.

She was the princess of Essetir. Her parents had raised her to believe in duty. To put her people first. And as much as she didn't want to admit it to herself, Hunith knew where her duty lay. It wasn't here in Essetir, living happily with her son.

It was in Camelot, forging a new alliance. She couldn't imagine what would await her there- it was hard to believe she could be happy with a man such as Uther, let alone living separately from Merlin, but for her people this was an opportunity that, as her father had said, would not come again.

Her decision was made, and though a dread setted in her stomach, a weight also lifted from her shoulders. At least the uncertainty and confusion was over. Now all that was left to do was to live with her decision.

She lifted her head, catching sight of herself in the mirror over her dresser. She stared into her own eyes and tried for a smile, "I can do this. Everything is going to be fine."

Maybe if she repeated it to herself enough, she'd start to believe it.

The struggle of making her decision, and the sense of relief mingled with dread once she finally had, left Hunith exhausted. She had meant to go and find her parents and tell them what she had decided, but she must have accidentally fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew, she was opening her eyes to find Merlin scrambling up onto the bed beside her.

She yawned and blinked at him sleepily, "Hello, my little one."

Merlin blinked back at her, looking slightly worried, "Are you sick, Mama?"

Hunith shook her head, "Sick? No, why would you think so?"

"You're sleeping in your clothes," Merlin pointed out, "And you didn't eat your supper." He gestured over his shoulder to the table, where Hunith could see a plate was sitting. A servant must have brought it in while she was sleeping, and decided not to disturb her.

Hunith reached out to run a hand through Merlin's hair, "Don't worry, darling, I'm not sick. I guess I was just tired; I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She glanced toward the window, and could see that night had fully fallen, "But it is your bedtime." She sat up with another yawn, "Run and get your nightclothes, and then I'll tuck you in."

Merlin pouted, "But, Mama, I'm not tired. Cenred gets to stay up for ages later than I do."

"Cenred is a lot older than you," Hunith pointed out, "Now go on, if you get your nightclothes quickly, I'll tell you a story before bed."

Merlin perked up, "A story? Well… okay." He hopped off the bed and scampered over to the door that adjoined his bedchamber to Hunith's.

She chuckled to herself as she got to her feet more slowly. Merlin always protested at bedtime, but he loved stories. He was a good-natured boy, really, even if he had a mischievous streak.

By the time she stepped into Merlin's room, he had pulled out his nightclothes and was trying to tug his nightshirt over his head- backwards. Hunith laughed and walked over to straighten it out for him. Once Merlin was dressed for bed- with all his clothes facing the right way, he scampered over to lay down- still as full of energy as ever, despite the fact that it was bedtime. Hunith pulled the blanket up over him, then sat down at the foot of his bed. His little head was all that could be seen, peeking out from under the covers, his eyes fixed on her brightly.

"What kind of story do you want tonight, my love?" Hunith asked.

Merlin considered the question seriously, "I want a story about… dragons! And about me."

Hunith smiled to herself. She often wondered if Merlin's love of dragons was some kind of instinct that came from his dragonlord heritage, or simply a coincidence. She had never told him the truth about his father, it seemed safer for him not to know, and yet, from the first time she had told him a story about dragons, her way of of preserving Balinor's legacy, just a little, even if she couldn't tell her son the truth, he had been in love with the idea.

"All right, a story about you and dragons it is," she told him. She thought for a moment and then began. She was making up the story as she went along, a tactic she often employed, since Merlin loved to hear stories about himself, or request stories about specific things that she didn't think there were any existing stories for. If Merlin ever noticed, he didn't seem to mind.

Tonight, Hunith wove a tale about a little prince named Merlin, who while playing outside one day met a baby dragon. By the time she had reached a part of the tale where the little dragon had grown big enough for the prince to ride, Merlin was fast asleep.

Hunith stopped talking and sat still for a minute, waiting. Sometimes, he would look to be asleep, but as soon as she stopped and rose to leave, he would wake up and ask her to finish the story.

However, tonight he seemed to be sleeping deeply, and after a moment passed without any movement or stirring, Hunith carefully stood up. She leaned down and gave her son a kiss on the cheek, "Good night, little one."

Merlin wriggled a little, but his eyes stayed closed. Hunith tried not to think about how soon she wouldn't be here to tuck him in and tell him a story every night. Would her parents think to do so? She would have to ask them to.

Hunith slipped through the door back to her own room, and closed it as quietly as she could. She wondered if her parents were getting ready for bed yet. She knew she ought to go talk to them, but she was still so tired. It could wait until morning. She would just have to make sure she rose early enough to catch Uther's messenger before he left. That wouldn't be difficult, Merlin often woke up at the crack of dawn, and once he was awake, it was impossible for Huntih to stay asleep. Though it was tempting to let the messenger go to Uther with the message that they needed some time to consider his request and put off having to actually put her decision into motion. But delaying wouldn't help her in the long run.

Hunith didn't even have the energy to eat the supper that had been laid out for her- it was cold and unappetizing by now anyway. She slipped into her nightclothes and climbed back into bed.

Sure enough, Hunith was woken the next morning by the creaking of the door and the patter of little feet as Merlin ran from his room into hers. She rolled over to look out her window, and could see the sun was just rising. Before she could sit up or even roll back over, Merlin, who had climbed up onto her bed by this point, flopped the full weight of his little body on top of her.

"Good morning, Mama," he giggled.

"Merlin, you're squishing me," Hunith protested half-heartedly, laughing. Merlin only giggled harder.

Hunith gently nudged him away so she could sit up, "Good morning, Merlin. Did you sleep well?"

Merlin nodded, bouncing a little on the bed, "Uh-huh, I had a dream I was riding a baby dragon… like in the story, huh, Mama?"

Hunith smiled, "That's right, that was in the story." She looked out the window at the lightening sky, "Listen, Merlin, I need to go speak to your grandparents about something."

"This early?" Merlin tilted his head, "Can I come too?"

Hunith shook her head, "Not this time, my love."

"That's what you said last time," Merlin groused.

Hunith ruffled his hair, "I know, but they'll be bringing breakfast soon. You stay here, and I'll be back in a few minutes. And after breakfast, I'll take you out in the courtyard to play, how does that sound?"

Merlin perked up instantly, "All right. I'll get dressed so I'm ready when you come back!"

Hunith suppressed a smile. She had a feeling "ready" was an overstatement. No doubt she'd come back to find him with his shirt inside out and only one sock on.

It was early enough that the castle was relatively quiet as she walked down the hall. A few servants hurried by, their workday having already begun, and Hunith passed a couple of bleary-eyed looking guards who must have had the night shift and were now headed to bed, but the usual hustle and bustle of the palace hadn't yet begun.

However, when Hunith entered the throne room, she found her parents already there. There was a man standing in front of them that Hunith didn't recognize. However she did recognize the crest he wore on his cloak. This must be the messenger from Camelot.

"The message you should take back to your king is that-" Hunith's father halted in the middle of his sentence as she approached.

The messenger glanced back to see what had caught the king's attention, and when he saw Hunith, he quickly moved aside.

Hunith joined her parents, who both looked rather surprised to see her as she took her place, standing between their thrones.

Her father recovered from his surprise quickly, "This is our daughter, the Princess Hunith," he told the messenger, "Hunith, this is the messenger from Camelot I told you about."

The messenger bowed, "It is an honor to meet you Princess Hunith."

Hunith gave the man a practiced smile, "It is good to meet you as well."

"We were just discussing the message to be taken back to King Uther," Hunith's father gave her an inquisitive look, "Did… you have something to contribute there?"

Hunith nodded, "That is why I was coming to speak to you and Mother. But, since the messenger is here now, I can tell him directly." She took a deep breath and turned her gaze to the man standing before the thrones, "You may tell King Uther that… that I accept his proposal."

She heard a small intake of breath from her mother next to her and turned her head slightly. Her mother didn't say anything aloud, but her eyes seemed to ask if Hunith was sure. Hunith gave her a tight nod.

"Well…" Hunith knew her father well enough to hear the surprise in his voice, but to anyone else, it would have sounded as if he had known this was the plan all along, "You have your message then. I presume there will be further correspondence between ourselves and King Uther so that we may lay out our plans and finalize the agreement?"

The messenger nodded, "Of course, my lord."

"Good," Hunith's father replied, "We will look forward to hearing from him then. If there's nothing else, you may go."

The messenger bowed once more, then turned to leave the throne room. Hunith pressed her lips together as she watched him retreat, resisting the urge to call him back- knowing it was her last chance to change her mind. But she had made her decision, and as the door swung shut behind the messenger, she knew there was no going back.

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