Chapter 13: Two Sides of the Same Coin

When Arthur woke up on the morning after his father's wedding, nothing really felt any different. A servant brought him his breakfast and helped him dress for the day, just like always. As he ate, the servant went over the schedule for today, which was pretty much the same as it had been for the duration of the royal family of Essetir's visit.

Arthur was expected to spend the day with the two princes from Essetir, and then in the evening, the two royal families would eat dinner together. Except… were they two families anymore? There'd been a lot of talk during the wedding ceremony, and even the feast afterwards, and Arthur had tuned some of it out, but he remembered Geoffreey saying something about their two families joining together. For his whole life, Arthur's family had really only been his father. He had an uncle too, Agravaine, but he didn't come to Camelot to visit very often.

Arthur knew that officially, the marriage meant Princess Hunith -or was she Queen Hunith now?- was his stepmother and Merlin was his stepbrother, but were Cenred and his parents and the king and queen of Essetir also his family now?

He knew they were going back home to Essetir tomorrow morning. But Merlin and Hunith would just….stay here now. Arthur still didn't know what to expect from that.

After he had eaten and was dressed, he went down to the entrance hall, which had become the customary place for him to meet Cenred and Merlin. At least Cenred had eventually gotten over his loss to Arthur, he'd even admitted that Arthur was pretty good with a sword, though he hadn't suggested they spar again, and when Arthur had brought it up, had muttered something about it being pointless when he didn't have his proper sword.

When he wasn't in a bad mood, Cenred was more fun to be around than Merlin. He was interested in the same kinds of things as Arthur was, and he didn't chatter on endlessly like the younger boy did.

Arthur found the two princes waiting in the entrance hall. Cenred was leaning against the wall looking bored, while Merlin was holding a piece of bread and jam in his hand that he must have brought down from his breakfast.

"Hi, Arthur!' Merlin sang out cheerily.

Cenred rolled his eyes, "Why are you always so chipper this early in the morning?"

"What do you want to do today?" Arthur asked the two princes, "Since it's your last day in Camelot, we ought to do something fun," he added to Cenred.

"Is there anything fun to do around here?" Cenred drawled.

"Of course there is," Arthur puffed up a bit.

"Like what?" Cenred asked.

Arthur tried to think of something that would impress Cenred, something they hadn't done yet. They'd sparred that first day, and they had watched the knights train another day, and he'd even taken the two boys from Essetir to see the hunting dogs in the kennel.

Wait, hunting! Cenred had bragged about being a great hunter. Arthur opened his mouth to suggest it, then deflated. No way would they be allowed to go hunting by themselves, and he doubted they'd be able to find an adult to go with them on such short notice.

If not hunting… they could at least go riding though, couldn't they?

He voiced the suggestion aloud, "I have my own horse, and you two could use some of the other horses in the stable." A thought occurred to him and he frowned, looking at Merlin, "Do you know how to ride?"

Merlin nodded excitedly, "Sure, I've ridden a horse before!"

Cenred scoffed, "A pony, more like, a fat slow one. You've never ridden a proper horse."

"Yes I have!" Merlin insisted indignantly.

Cenred only scoffed again, "Riding with Grandfather or your mother doesn't count, Merlin. You're too clumsy and stupid to ride a proper horse by yourself."

Arthur laughed, and Merlin looked wounded.

"Could Merlin ride with you?" Arthur asked Cenred, not wanting to give up on the idea of riding quite yet.

"I have a better idea, why don't we ditch the baby and go riding by ourselves?" Cenred said to Arthur loudly, as if Merlin couldn't hear, "Taking him along would only be a drag. It'd be way more fun without him. We could even have a race."

Arthur hesitated. He had to admit… the idea was tempting. Merlin wasn't so bad, he supposed but he was a little kid and he was so… talkative all the time. And the idea of a race was thrilling. If Merlin came, they'd have to go slow and make sure he didn't fall, but if just Arthur and Cenred went, they could go as fast as they pleased.

On the other hand… Arthur knew he was supposed to be acting as a good host for both princes. And didn't that count even more now that Arthur's father and Merlin's mother were married? But it was Cenred's last day here, not Merlin's. He and Merlin would be spending every day together for the rest of their lives for all Arthur knew.

"Well…" he said slowly.

Merlin's lip was quivering, "I am not a baby."

Cenred laughed, "Then why are you crying like one?"

"I'm not crying!" Merlin said angrily, but he was blinking rapidly, "You two can't go riding without me, it's not fair!"

"It's not fair," Cenred mimicked, in a babyish tone, shaking his head and giving Arthur a look like 'Can you believe this kid?'

He turned away from his cousin, "Come on, Arthur. He'll only get in the way."

Arthur hesitated, looking between Cenred and Merlin. Merlin's trembling lip was making him feel guilty, but he really wanted to go riding and maybe even beat Cenred in a race, just like he'd beat him in the sparring match.

"I won't get in the way!" Merlin insisted earnestly, "I promise. I can ride by myself."

Cenred turned back, his eyes on Arthur, ignoring his cousin, "Well, are you coming?"

Arthur nodded decisively, "Yeah, I'm coming." He shoved down the prickle of guilt he felt. They could just go for a short ride, he reasoned, just long enough to race and have a bit of fun, and then they could come back and do something with Merlin.

Cenred grinned, "Great," he started walking and Arthur quickly followed suit, not looking at Merlin.

However, Merlin scampered after them, "Please let me come!" he begged.

Cenred whirled around suddenly, a mean look on his face, "Don't you get it Merlin, we don't want you around. No one wants you around."

Merlin froze in his tracks and Arthur did too. Cenred's words were harsh, but then, Merlin was kind of being a pest.

"That's… that's not true," Merlin's voice was small now, and there were definitely tears in his eyes.

Cenred smirked, "Sure it is. You're not even a proper prince, everybody back home knows you're just a little bastard."

There was that word again. Cenred had called Merlin that before, when he had been so angry at supper, and his father had sent him to his room.

"What does that mean?" Arthur asked quickly, half because he wanted to know, and half to distract Cenred.

"It means his parents weren't married when he was born," Cenred answered scornfully. He looked at Merlin again, his grin cruel, "Grandfather and Grandmother were furious when they found out Aunt Hunith was pregnant with you, you know. I'm old enough to remember. They won't admit it, but they're really glad you're leaving Essetir. And she's ashamed of you too. I bet Aunt Hunith wishes you were never born. Then her life would be easier and she wouldn't have to be so ashamed."

Arthur sucked in a breath. Cenred was going too far now. This was more than just teasing his cousin or calling Merlin annoying. Cenred looked back over his shoulder at Arthur and grinned, as if expecting Arthur to laugh like he had earlier when Cenred called Merlin a baby.

"Let's just go riding," Arthur said hastily. Deep down, he was ashamed of himself for not standing up to Cenred more directly, but he still wanted the older boy to like him, to be impressed with him.

Cenred ignored him, turning back toward Merlin, who was breathing in short little gasps, as if still trying not to cry.

"Your father didn't even stick around to see you being born," he jeered, "I bet finding out Aunt Hunith was going to have you is what scared him off. He did the smart thing and left before he could be saddled with a whining little baby like you."

Arthur's breath caught. A sudden memory engulfed him, one he'd tried to push down since the day it happened. He had been six, like Merlin was now, and another king had visited his father. He had brought along his daughter, Vivian. She was about Arthur's age, so they'd been expected to play together, but all Vivian wanted to do was brush her hair and play with dolls- girly things. They'd gotten into a fight, Arthur couldn't remember what it had been over, probably something stupid, but it had ended with Vivian shouting that he didn't even have a mother. She had laughed at him, and her words had struck Arthur like a blow.

He'd wanted to hit her, to hurt her with his fists as badly as she'd hurt him with her words. But she was a girl, and not only that she was a foreign princess. So instead he'd run off and hidden in his room, trying not to cry. He'd never told his father about what Vivian had said. Uther expected Arthur to be tough, the last thing Arthur wanted was to tell him how a girl had almost made him cry just by saying something mean. Besides… his father never talked about his mother, and Arthur didn't dare bring her up himself.

Standing in the entrance hall now, Arthur could feel the cut of those words as strongly as he had the day he'd heard them. Merlin's situation was different, but making fun of someone because they didn't have a parent… that was the lowest blow of all.

"Stop it!" Arthur's own voice surprised him.

Cenred turned around, caught off-guard, "What?"

"I said stop it," Arthur took a step toward Cenred, feeling his anger rise, "Leave him alone."

Cenred looked incredulous, "What, you're defending the baby now?"

"You didn't have to say all that stuff about your grandparents and his mother and his father," Arthur said, "Those are really rotten things to say."

Cenred laughed, a mean sound, "I'm only telling the little bastard the truth."

"Stop calling him that!" Arthur was half-yelling now, "I changed my mind. I don't want to go riding with you. You're just… you're just a coward, picking on a boy less than half your size."

Cenred's face instantly flushed scarlet, "You take that back."

"I won't," Arthur glared up at him, "It's the truth."

Cenred shoved him, hard, "You take it back or I'll make you sorry."

Arthur stumbled, but recovered and gave the older boy a shove of his own, "I'm not scared of you. I've already beaten you once. I'll beat you again."

Cenred balled his hands into fists and stepped toward Arthur, his gaze menacing. Arthur held his ground, even though Cenred towered over him.

"You beat me in a fake sparring match because I had to use a lousy wooden sword," Cenred growled, "That was just for fun. You think you could win a real fight? Please, you're nearly as much of a baby as Merlin."

He drew back his fist, and Arthur braced himself.

"What do you think you're doing?" a loud voice called out and Cenred froze, looking over Arthur's shoulder.

A moment later, Leon, a noble boy about Cenred's age who was training to be a knight, had pushed himself between Arthur and Cenred.

Cenred glared at him, "You stay out of this, it's none of your business."

Leon didn't flinch, he was a couple inches taller than Cenred and Arthur had watched him train enough to know he was an able fighter, "It is my business when I see someone about to attack my prince in his own castle," he said coolly, "You're just lucky it was me who caught you and not the king."

Arthur could see Cenred sizing Leon up. He didn't look half so eager to fight an opponent who was his own age and bigger than him as he'd been to fight Arthur.

"Leave, now," Leon said, with an authority in his voice that made him seem older than a boy of fourteen.

Cenred stood his ground for another heartbeat, then took a step back, shooting Arthur a sneer, "Well aren't you lucky you have someone bigger and stronger to protect you, baby prince."

Arthur's temper flared instantly, "I'll fight you myself any time, Cenred!"

He tried to step around Leon, but Leon put out his arm to hold him back, "He's not worth it Arthur."

With one last sneer, Cenred whirled around and disappeared down the corridor that led in the direction of the royal guest quarters, taking the opportunity to roughly shove past Merlin as he did so.

Leon watched him go before turning to Arthur, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Arthur mumbled, embarrassed to have been caught about to fight by the older boy- and to have been rescued by him.

"What was that all about?" Leon asked.

"It was nothing," Arthur muttered.

"Nothing?" Leon shook his head, "Fighting with foreign royals in the entrance hall is hardly nothing, Arthur. Who started it?"

"Cenred did," Arthur said quickly, then hesitated, "Well… he pushed me first, but only after I called him a coward."

Leon frowned, "Why would you do that? Not that it isn't true, mind you…. he practically ran as soon as I showed up, but you shouldn't be insulting guests."

Arthur felt a spark of indignation but before he could defend himself, Merlin spoke up.

"He was only trying to make Cenred leave me alone," Merlin's voice was still clogged with tears, "Cenred was… he was being really mean to me and Arthur… Arthur told him to stop."

Leon looked from Merlin to Arthur. "Is that true?" he asked, his voice quieter.

Arthur nodded, "You didn't hear the things he was saying, Leon. It was… it just didn't seem right."

Leon nodded slowly, "Well… that's different then." He looked back at Merlin, "You're not hurt, are you?" He seemed uncomfortable with the younger boy's tears.

Merlin sniffled, but shook his head, "No. Just my heart hurts."

"Uh… right. Good," Leon looked more uncomfortable than ever, "I mean… not good…. just…. I'm glad you're not hurt. I have to go and… train."

He hesitated then gave Merlin an awkward pat on the back, "It'll be okay."

He gave Arthur a clap on the shoulder, "You did the right thing, defending Merlin, but… try not to get into any more fights with your father's guests, yeah?"

Arthur nodded, giving a small smile at Leon's praise, "I'll do my best."

Leon walked away- in the opposite direction from the doors to outside, despite what he'd said about training.

That left just Merlin and Arthur. Arthur turned back to the younger boy, feeling distinctly awkward. Merlin was still sniffling, and fresh tears were running down his cheeks. Arthur had no idea what to do. No wonder Leon had run off so quickly.

Gingerly, he reached out and put a hand on Merlin's shoulder, "Hey…. listen, forget about what Cenred said."

Merlin hiccuped, "But… it's true what he said about my father leaving, and about people back home thinking I'm not a proper prince. Maybe…. maybe the rest of it is true too," The last word turned into a sob and fresh tears spilled from his eyes.

Arthur's stomach twisted, "You mean about your grandparents being glad you're leaving and your mother wishing you were never born?"

Merlin nodded, crying too hard to speak now.

"It isn't true," Arthur said quickly, "Cenred was just being mean. I mean… I just met you and your mother a week ago but anybody can see she loves you a lot. She's always holding your hand and hugging you and smiling. Sometimes I wish my father would be more like that."

The last part had come out without Arthur meaning it to. He rushed on, hoping Merlin wouldn't realize what he'd just said, "And your grandparents too. Every time you do anything they smile like it's the most adorable thing they've ever seen. Cenred was just saying those things to upset you."

Merlin's sobs had quieted, but his eyes were still watery. He sniffled, "But you didn't want me to go riding with you either. He was right about you not wanting me around."

Arthur felt hot with shame. "I just wanted to have a race and go fast without… well without worrying about you falling off," he mumbled awkwardly, "but that was before Cenred started being so awful. The truth is, I'd rather spend the day with you than him, anytime."

Merlin's face broke into a watery, tentative smile, "Really?"

Arthur nodded, "Really." Somewhat to his own surprise, he meant it. Merlin might be talkative and annoying sometimes, but he was always friendly and good-natured, Cenred was just… cruel. Looking back on it, Arthur realized that Cenred was always saying mean things to Merlin, Arthur just hadn't realized it until it had gotten really bad… he'd even thought a lot of what Cenred said was funny.

"Those things he was saying… has he said stuff like that to you before?" he asked.

Merlin's shoulders dropped, "Yeah… he says stuff like that all the time, when the grown ups aren't around to hear it. He was worse today but he's called me a bastard loads of times. He's not the only one either."

Arthur frowned, "And you've never told your mother? Or his parents?" Of course, he'd never told his father about what Vivian had said, but Merlin's mother was… different.

Merlin shook his head, "Cenred said he'd beat me up if I did," he looked down at the ground, "Anyway, Aunt Aneira doesn't like me very much,, and I've heard her call me that too. She wasn't talking to me… she was talking to Uncle Cassian and she didn't know I was listening."

Arthur frowned. Cenred was one thing, but an adult calling a little kid like Merlin names?

"Well, Cenred can't beat you up anymore," he reminded Merlin, "he's going back to Essetir and you're staying here."

Merlin nodded. "That's true," he said thoughtfully.

He'd stopped crying now at least for which Arthur was glad. He still wasn't back to his normal sunny self though.

Arthur hesitated, scuffing his boot on the floor, "You know… I never had a mother, like you never had a father. She… she died when I was a baby."

"She did?" Merlin's voice was hushed, "I'm sorry." He was silent for a moment before continuing, "I don't even know if my father is alive or dead. My mother never really talks about him."

"My father never talks about my mother either," Arthur said.

"Maybe he misses her too much?" Merlin ventured, "I think Mama misses my father. She seems sad sometimes."

"Maybe,"Arthur answered, "It's hard to tell what my father is feeling."

The two sat in silence for a moment, each thinking their own thoughts. In a way it felt… nice. Arthur had never really had someone else who understood what it was like to never know a parent. Well… he knew Morgana didn't have a mother either, but he didn't see her that often, and they'd never talked about anything like that.

After a few minutes, he looked over at Merlin, "What do you want to do now? We could still go riding if you want, just you and me."

Merlin hesitated, then smiled sheepishly, "Cenred was right about one thing… I've never ridden a proper horse by myself before.

"Well, maybe you could ride with me?" Arthur hesitated, "Except well… I've never tried to ride with someone else on my horse," he admitted. He wasn't sure how hard it would be. "Maybe we can just go for a walk instead?"

"Can we bring a picnic lunch?" Merlin asked hopefully, and Arthur was relieved to see his usual enthusiasm returning.

He grinned, "Sure. I bet if we go ask in the kitchen, they'll pack us up anything we want."

"Hooray! Let's go!" Merlin grabbed Arthur's hand. This time Arthur didn't pull away.

None of the three boys said much at dinner that night, though Cenred kept shooting dirty looks at Merlin and Arthur.

Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin had told his mother anything about what happened after they had come back from their picnic lunch, but for his part, he didn't see the point in bringing it up. It would only stir up trouble. It was over now, and Cenred would be going home the next day.

There was a moment, halfway through dinner, when King Esmond asked what the boys had done that day. Arthur froze, not sure what to say. Cenred scowled and remained silent.

It was Merlin who spoke up, but only to happily tell his grandfather all about how he and Arthur had gone on a walk and had a picnic. He didn't mention the fight with Cenred at all. Arthur wasn't sure if he was purposefully not bringing it up, or if the picnic had just driven it out of his head. Either way, he was glad Merlin didn't say anything.

"Didn't you go with them on the picnic, Cenred?" Queen Arianwen asked and Arthur felt himself tensing up one more.

For a moment, Cenred sneered, and Arthur was afraid of what might come out of the older boy's mouth, but then he simply shrugged, "I wasn't in the mood. Picnics are for kids."

Ordinarily, Arthur would have bristled at the implication, but he knew Cenred could have said a whole lot worse.

Queen Arianwen only smiled and said something about still enjoying picnics even at her age, and to Arthur's relief, the conversation moved on from there.

There was no elaborate after dinner entertainment planned tonight, instead, once everyone was done eating, they said good night and wrapped up quite early. The party from Essetir was leaving at dawn the next day, so they needed to make it an early night in order to get in a good night's rest before their travels began.

Arthur was quickly ordered to bed as well, and when he protested his father reminded him that even though they weren't traveling, they would also be getting up at first light to see off their guests.

He knew better than to grumble or complain to his father, so he gave a slightly sullen good night, and then trudged off toward his room.

Thank you for reading! Any reviews would be greatly appreciated.