A/N: This chapter marks the last of what I wrote during NaNoWriMo, I am hoping to still have a new chapter up next week, but from here on out I don't have anything prewritten, so I thought I would let everyone know.

Chapter 14: Heart-to-Heart

Merlin had chattered happily at supper about the fun he had had picnicking with Arthur earlier that day. Hunith was glad to see that the two boys seemed to be getting along so well.

However, as she tucked Merlin into bed that night, his mood seemed to take a sudden solemn turn. He didn't try to bargain for a later bedtime, or even beg for a story. Instead, he quietly put on his night clothes and climbed into bed.

Hunith felt a stirring of wasn't like Merlin at all.

She tucked him in, but instead of saying good night right away, she sat down on the edge of the bed. Just his head was peeking out above his covers, his bright blue eyes gazing into hers, uncharacteristically solemn.

"Are you thinking about your grandparents and your aunt and uncle and cousin leaving tomorrow?" Hunith guessed gently, "I know you'll miss them."

Merlin blinked, surprise crossing his face. He shook his head, "No. I mean… yes, I'll miss them, but… that's not what I was thinking about."

Hunith frowned slightly, "What, then? You're awfully quiet tonight." She smiled gently,"You didn't even beg for a story."

"I don't feel like a story," Merlin mumbled.

Hunith's concern spiked, but she tried to keep her tone light, "Well now I know something's wrong. Tell me what it is, my love. Are you worried about starting a new life here? About keeping your magic a secret? Or about me being married?"

At each question, Merlin shook his head, and Hunith's confusion and concern grew. What on earth could be bothering him, if not any of that?

She fell silent, hoping if she gave Merlin a moment, he would find the words to tell her himself.

He was quiet for so long she might have thought he had fallen asleep if she couldn't still see his eyes, wide open and gazing at her.

Finally he spoke, his voice so soft she had to lean in to hear him, "Mama…. Do you ever wish I hadn't been born?"

Shock coursed through Hunith, "Merlin!"

He flinched at her tone and she quickly dropped her voice, "Of course not. Why would you ever think something like that?" That was the last question she would ever have expected to hear from her son.

Merlin mumbled something. The only word Hunith could make out was Cenred.

She felt a flash of anger, "Cenred? Did Cenred say that to you?" She had noticed her nephew seemed to be in a bad mood at supper, but frankly, she hadn't thought much of it; Cenred was often in a bad mood, she supposed it was just part of being a teenage boy.

Merlin looked away, not answering.

"Merlin," Hunith fought to keep the anger out of her tone. She didn't want Merlin thinking she was angry with him, "I need you to answer me and tell me the truth. Did Cenred tell you I wished you had never been born?"

Merlin gave a tiny, almost imperceptible nod.

Hunith opened her mouth to reassure Merlin that it couldn't be further from the truth, but he cut her off before she could, words suddenly rushing from him like a dam had been broken.

"Cenred and Arthur wanted to go riding, but they didn't want me to come with them because I can't ride very good. Cenred said that nobody wanted me around because I'm just a bastard, not a proper prince, and that Grandmother and Grandfather were angry when I was born and they're glad I left Essetir, and that you're ashamed of me and that my father left because he didn't want me either." By the time, Merlin had finished speaking, he was breathing hard and tears were leaking from his eyes.

Hunith felt sick. Cenred had always had a nasty streak but this… it was beyond cruel.

She took several deep breaths and let them out slowly, wanting to make sure she could control her emotions before she spoke to Merlin. She pulled the covers down until she could find her son's hands and took both of them in her own.

"Merlin, I want you to listen carefully, because what I'm about to tell you is very important," she said, and waited for Merlin to nod before she continued, "I don't know why your cousin would say such horrible things to you, but not one bit of it is true. Not one word. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Nothing in the whole world is as important to me as you are. I love you more than my own life, and your grandparents love you very much as well. Of course they aren't glad you're leaving; they'll miss you very much."

Still holding Merlin's hands, she pulled him up so he was sitting up in bed, then wrapped her arms around him.

Merlin sniffled and burrowed himself closer to her, "So they weren't angry when I was born?"

Hunith hesitated briefly. She had always promised herself she would never lie to Merlin, even if she kept some things from him for his own good, "Your grandparents… didn't approve of my relationship with your father. They were angry with me, for a time. But they were never ever angry with you. They loved you from the very moment they laid eyes on you."

Merlin pulled back a little to look into Hunith's face, "But I am a bastard," he said, almost matter-of-factly, "Cenred isn't the only one who's called me that."

Hunith flinched, "Merlin… bastard is an ugly word for a child whose parents weren't married, but how you were born doesn't define who you are."

"What does then?" Merlin asked.

Hunith put a hand under his chin and lifted it, "You're my Merlin, that's who you are. My sweet, silly, little Merlin. You have the biggest, kindest heart of anyone I know, and your laugh is my favorite sound in the world."

Merlin giggled, then grew solemn again. "What about my father?" he asked quietly after a moment of silence, "You never talk about him. Did he leave because he didn't want to have a baby? Didn't he want me?"

"Oh my darling," Hunith pulled Merlin close once more, "The reasons your father left are… complicated. I can't explain them to you right now… maybe when you're older… but they had absolutely nothing to do with you. He left before I even knew I was going to have you. When I found out I was going to have a baby, of course I wanted to tell him, but I didn't know where he'd gone and I didn't have any way to contact him." She smiled sadly at her son, "The truth is… he never knew about you. But I know he would love you if he'd had a chance to know you, every bit as much as I love you. If he could see you now… he'd be so so proud of you."

"Do you really think so?" Merlin asked hopefully, almost shyly.

"I know so," Hunith replied.

Merlin leaned his head against her chest, looking content now, like his fears had been soothed, "Will you tell me about him?"

Hunith took a deep breath. It'd been so long since she'd talked to anyone about Balinor. The idea had always hurt too much. But Merlin deserved to know about his father, at least as much as she could safely tell him.

"I will," she replied, "but first I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me again." There was one more thing that was bothering her about what Merlin had told her earlier.

Merlin nodded, "Okay, Mama."

Hunith looked at him very seriously, "Was Prince Arthur unkind to you as well? Did he say any of those awful things like Cenred did?" If so, she would have to talk to Uther about it. Arthur was young, but he was old enough to know better than that. She was certainly going to have a word with her brother about Cenred after she put Merlin to bed.

Merlin shook his head vigorously, "No!" He paused, "Well… he didn't want me to go riding with them but when Cenred started calling me names and… saying all that stuff, Arthur told him to stop. He yelled at him to leave me alone. He called Cenred something that made him real mad and Cenred pushed him. Arthur pushed him back and then Cenred was going to hit him but another boy came up… I don't remember his name, but he was big like Cenred. He made them stop fighting and then Cenred went away. Arthur was really nice to me after that. He made me feel better."

Merlin smiled, "He told me that all those things Cenred said weren't true, I guess he was right. And he said he'd rather spend time with me than Cenred any day!" Merlin beamed and Hunith had to smile as well, "And then he said we should go for a walk and I asked if we could take a picnic and he said yes. It was really fun."

The tight feeling in Hunith's chest eased. She had been so worried she was about to learn that Merlin's new stepbrother had participated in bullying her son, but instead it was quite the opposite. The boy had defended Merlin. Hunith felt a rush of warmth and gratitude.

"I'm so glad Arthur was there to stand up for you," she told Merlin with a smile, squeezing him close one more time "He's a good boy. Now, lay down and I'll tuck you in again, and then I'll tell you about how your father and I fell in love."

Merlin snuggled down under his blankets, and Hunith began to speak, allowing her mind to drift back to seven years ago, and the happiness she and Balinor had shared for those few precious months.

Though Arthur had grumbled about being sent to bed so early the night before, he was glad of it the next morning, when a servant woke him up at the crack of dawn. He got dressed and stumbled, yawning, through the castle. Outside, as the sky turned shades of pink, he stood with his father, Hunith and Merlin as they said their farewells to the guests from Essetir. Hunith and her mother were both teary-eyed, and Merlin kept hugging everyone who was leaving repeatedly. He even hugged Cenred, who was looking particularly sullen this morning. He started to shove Merlin away, but a sharp look from his father quelled him and he stood still until his cousin released him.

When all the hugging was finally over, Arthur's father said a much more formal goodbye to his guests. Then the four of them stood watching as the departing guests climbed into the carriages that had brought them from Essetir a little over a week ago. As the carriages began to roll away, Merlin held onto his mother's hand and waved furiously.

Arthur stood still, trying to look as dignified as he could- which, he figured that standing next to Merlin, he looked very dignified indeed in comparison.

Once the carriages were out of sight, the small group headed back inside the castle. Arthur's father said he had matters of court to attend to, and Merlin and Hunith headed back to the rooms they had been staying in to pack up their things and move them to the new permanent rooms they were being given now. That left Arthur to wander back to his own room, where he was glad to find a hot breakfast awaiting him.

Lessons with his tutors took up the rest of Arthur's day- his lessons had been paused in the week leading up to his father's wedding, but now that their guests were gone, it was back to business as usual. After the tutoring sessions, he went down to the training arena for a swordsmanship lesson- which was a lot more fun than his lessons on history and court etiquette.

After training, he headed back to his room to change out of his dirty training clothes before going down to the private dining room for supper with his father.

In the doorway, he paused in surprise. For as long as Arthur could remember, except for the occasional guest, he and his father had dined alone in the private dining room. But today, Hunith and Merlin were already waiting there, along with Arthur's father. Logically, he had known that Hunith and Merlin would be dining with them now, after all Huntih and his father were married, but for a moment, standing there in the doorway, seeing his father and Hunith and Merlin sitting at the table together, like they were the family, father, mother, and son… something in Arthur's chest tightened. It all felt wrong and he wanted to wish Merlin and Hunith away, so things could go back to the way they were. He and his father were a family, not them.

Then Merlin spotted him, and the younger boy's face lit up, "Arthur! Come sit by me!" he said eagerly.

He looked so excited to see Arthur and Arthur felt a prickle of guilt for wishing that he and Hunith would go away. Merlin's enthusiasm eased the tightness in his chest, and he could breathe again.

He stepped into the room and Merlin eagerly patted the chair next to him.

Arthur hesitated. "I usually sit on the other side, by my father."

Merlin's smile didn't waver, "But tonight you can sit by me, right?"

Arthur glanced at his father.

"You may sit wherever you wish," Uther said.

"Well… all right. Just for tonight," Arthur took the seat next to Merlin, who beamed at him. It seemed that after the incident the other day, Merlin had decided Arthur was his new best friend.

That's going to get annoying, Arthur thought to himself, but he had to admit it felt kind of nice as well.

Supper with his father was usually a quiet affair. Uther would ask a few questions about Arthur's day, how his lessons had gone, or his training, and after Arthur had answered them most of the rest of the meal would pass in silence.

With Merlin and Hunith there though… it was different. Arthur's father asked his usual questions, but Hunith followed them up with questions of her own, seeming genuinely interested in what Arthur had to say.

And of course, Merlin couldn't seem to go more than two minutes without talking, even while he was eating. His mother had to remind him several times that it was rude to speak with his mouth full.

A few times, Arthur caught his father looking at Merlin jabbering away with his lips pressed together in irritation, but Uther never told Merlin to be quiet, or voiced his annoyance out loud.

His father only spoke to Merlin directly once, stiffly asking him if he liked his new room. He probably expected a simple yes or no, but Merlin took the question and ran with it, happily describing how his new room was similar to and different from his room back in Essetir. Then, as if worried he might have hurt Uther's feelings by talking about his old room too much, he assured him that his room here was very nice.

At the end of supper, Arthur usually waited for his father to dismiss him. Merlin, however, asked his mother if he could go play as soon as he finished his last bite of food- though he'd spent so much time talking he was the last one finished anyway.

Hunith gave him permission. "Do you think you can find your way back to your new room by yourself, Merlin? I want to speak to-" she hesitated briefly, "To King Uther for a few minutes."

"I can help him find his way," Arthur offered.

Merlin beamed, seizing Arthur's hand and trying to pull him away from the table, "I can show you all my toys and you can play with me!"

Arthur was already starting to regret his offer, but he couldn't take it back now.

Hunith smiled warmly at him, "Thank you, Arthur. That's kind of you."

Something about her smile tugged at Arthur's heart. The way she was looking at him now almost reminded him of how she looked at Merlin. He ducked his head, feeling suddenly shy, "It's no problem, my lady."

A little embarrassed, he turned to Merlin, "Come on, then." Merlin needed no further encouragement to tug Arthur from the room.

Uther watched as the two boys left the room, feeling mild amusement at the perplexed, slightly exasperated look on Arthur's face as the younger boy pulled him along. Young Merlin did not behave the way Uther was accustomed to a prince behaving, certainly not the way he had raised Arthur to behave, but still, Uther was glad the two seemed to be getting along.

Once the door had swung shut behind the boys, Uther turned his attention to Hunith, "You said you wanted to speak to me about something?" It was still hard to think of her as his wife, and not simply a foreign royal.

"Is there something wrong with your quarters?" he asked her. The queen's quarters hadn't been used in years - Ygraine had had no need of them- but Uther had had the servants clean them thoroughly and get them ready. Hunith had requested her son be given a room as close to hers as possible. Fortunately there were vacant rooms on either side of the queen's quarters, so that had worked out fine.

Hunith shook her head, "No, it's nothing like that." Her expression was hard to read. He thought she looked troubled, but there was also something else in it. He waited silently while she gathered her thoughts.

"Something happened yesterday that I thought you should know about," Hunith began, "with the boys. Merlin told me about it last night." She paused, "Did Arthur say anything to you?"

Uther frowned, shaking his head, "No, has Arthur done something he shouldn't have?" He wondered if perhaps Arthur and Prince Cenred had been sparring again and it had gotten out of hand.

Hunith shook her head quickly,"Oh no, quite the opposite actually."

Uther felt his confusion increase. The opposite? If by that she meant that Arthur had done something good, why did she still look troubled?

"Is it something Merlin did?" Maybe the boy had broken a vase, or angered one of the nobles with his constant prattle.

But Hunith shook her head again, "No, that isn't it either." At this point, Uther decided perhaps it would be better to stop asking questions and simply let her explain.

Hunith was frowning now, "I'm sure you remember my nephew Cenred's…. outburst at dinner after he and Arthur sparred."

Uther nodded. The scene wasn't exactly easy to forget.

Hunith's lips tightened, "Evidently, yesterday the older boys wanted to go riding, but they didn't want to take Merlin along-"

So Arthur had done something that upset her. Uther opened his mouth to apologize on his son's behalf, but Hunith seemed to guess his thoughts and shook her head, "No, I told you this isn't about Arthur doing anything wrong. Cenred…. said some very unkind things to Merlin. I won't repeat them, but it was more along the lines of what he said the other night," she pressed her lips together for a moment before continuing, "I love my nephew; he's family, but… sometimes he can be a hard boy to like."

Uther thought back to the earlier supper. Cenred had called Merlin a bastard, and that was when his father had ordered him to his room. It was easy enough to imagine what he might have said to his cousin that had Hunith so upset.

Uther hesitated, choosing his next words carefully, "Forgive me, but I must confess I'm not sure why you're telling me this. I'm sorry if Cenred was unkind to Merlin, but there's nothing I can do about that." He wasn't the boy's father, and Cenred would be halfway back to Essetir by now.

Hunith shook her head again, "Of course not, I spoke to my brother about Cenred's behavior. I'm telling you because Merlin told me that when Cenred was being unkind to him, Arthur stepped in and defended him. That's what I wanted you to know. Merlin says another boy stepped in and stopped it before a physical fight could break out, but I thought you should know that Arthur stood up for Merlin when nobody else was around to do so, even though Cenred is much bigger than Arthur is. It was very brave of him."

She was smiling now, "You should be very proud of him."

"I am always proud of Arthur," Uther said. He was hard on his son, yes, he pushed him and set high standards for him, but that was only because he wished for Arthur to succeed.

"Thank you for telling me that," he said. He wondered why Arthur hadn't mentioned any of this himself. Perhaps he hadn't wanted to get Cenred in trouble, or to cause a stir.

He was glad to hear that Arthur had stood up for the younger boy. True, Uther usually focused on tangible things like his son's swordsmanship skills- which Arthur's instructors were always quick to praise, but hearing someone compliment his son on his character was nice as well.

Uther supposed this explained the almost hero-worshiping looks Merlin had been giving Arthur at supper and his strong desire for Arthur to sit next to him. "I am glad to hear the boys seem to be getting along," he added.

Hunith nodded. "Arthur has a kind heart," she said, looking at Uther with a soft smile.

"He gets that from his mother," Uther said gruffly. He looked away, feeling the familiar swell of sorrow that always came with the thought of Ygraine.

"I'm sure you must be at least partially responsible," Hunith's voice was gentle, almost as if she could guess what Uther was feeling- though he had always considered masking his emotions to be a particular skill of his, "You've raised him all these years."

"Hmm," Uther gave an unconvinced grunt, "I have been called many things in my lifetime, but kind was never one of them."

Ygraine, though… she had radiated kindness and warmth. It was what he had loved the most about her. He saw that same warmth in Arthur, even from a very young age. It worried him sometimes. Arthur would be king one day, and as king he would have to learn to harden himself if he were to make the choices that a king had to make. And yet he couldn't truly wish that Arthur was any other way, wish he was less like his mother, though the little reminders of her he saw in Arthur were always bittersweet.

"I see her in him, every day," Uther spoke, more to himself than to Hunith, "He is so very like her… not just in his looks but… his spirit, his heart, it all comes from her." Sometimes he wondered if Arthur had inherited anything at all from him. He saw so much of Ygraine in his son, there was scarcely any room left to notice anything of himself.

Suddenly aware of how emotional he had become, Uther cleared his throat and drew himself up, feeling embarrassed, "Forgive me, I was thinking aloud. I didn't intend to become so caught up in my own thoughts."

When he looked at Hunith, he found her expression was filled with understanding.

"You have nothing to apologize for," she said gently.

"I ought not to have brought up Ygraine," Uther said, slightly stiffly. He was sure it must be some sort of breach of etiquette to speak to his second wife of all of two days about his first wife.

But Hunith shook her head, "She's Arthur's mother. She was your wife and you still love her deeply. You don't need to apologize to me for that, and it won't ever upset me to hear about her. I'm not jealous, if that's your concern; it's been clear from the beginning what the boundaries of our marriage are and I accept them."

Uther nodded. Strangely, he could feel himself relax at her words.

"Thank you for…your understanding," he said awkwardly.

"I do understand," Hunith's voice was quieter now, reflective, "More than you realize. Just as you see Ygraine in Arthur, I see Merlin's father in him. Not in everything he does. In some ways, they are very different. But Merlin has his father's sense of justice, his defiance and strength… sometimes he'll do something, or he'll look at me a certain way, and it's like seeing a tiny version of his father standing there."

It was Uther's turn to study her expression, and in doing so he came to a realization that surprised him, "You loved him, then, Merlin's father."

Hunith blinked, then nodded, "Truthfully, I still do." She paused, wincing slightly, "And that probably isn't something I ought to have said to my new husband."

Uther shook his head, "No, it's all right, as you observed earlier…. I still love Ygraine," he attempted to lighten his tone, "I am not jealous either."

Hunith chuckled, "Well, at least we have something in common."

"I was surprised," Uther admitted, "I didn't realize you… felt so strongly for Merlin's father. I thought-" he trailed off, feeling embarrassed to voice the rest of his thoughts.

"You thought that I had a wild fling as the product of my misspent youth?" Hunith finished for him.

Uther winced, though she didn't seem offended, "Well… I don't know if I would put it quite like that."

Hunith smiled wryly, "I've heard a lot worse. I'm well aware of the rumors that have flown around about me. But despite what people might say, I didn't have a long string of lovers."

Uther's discomfort grew, "I never implied-"

Hunith held up a hand, her eyes flashing with amusement now, "No, I know you didn't. But even if you did, you wouldn't be the first."

Her expression grew more serious, "The truth is… it was only ever Merlin's father. And if circumstances had been different, if I hadn't been a princess, or he hadn't been… well, if my parents would have ever allowed such a match, I would have married him."

Uther assumed that whoever Merlin's father was, he must have been lowborn, to be a match Hunith's parents would not approve of for their daughter. He couldn't imagine falling in love with a peasant, but he certainly knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, even if his own circumstances were very different from Hunith's.

"Are you still… in contact with him?" he asked awkwardly. He wondered briefly which situation would be worse, to lose someone entirely, as he had lost Ygraine, or to see your love every day, but not be allowed to be with them…

Hunith shook her head, "No, he left before Merlin was born. Not by choice," for a moment, he saw bitterness in her face, "My parents all but banished him."

She took a deep breath, seemingly willing the bitterness away and met Uther's eyes, smiling sadly, "So I do understand what it is to lose someone you love, even if the circumstances were not the same."

Uther nodded slowly. From the sound of it, Hunith's love wasn't dead, but he was just as thoroughly gone from her life nevertheless.

"I am sorry," he said quietly, "It is a heavy burden to bear, and not one I would wish on anyone."

Hunith nodded, "Nor I. But… sometimes it makes the burden feel just a little lighter, if you have someone who can understand it."

Uther considered her words. He had always avoided talking about Ygraine, about his loss, and yet tonight… it had come naturally to him. And something in him did feel lighter. It was like what he had experienced at the wedding, when Gorlois had conveyed his understanding and comfort without saying a single word.

Gorlois, of course, was Uther's closest friend. Hunith was still an acquaintance, barely more than a stranger, and yet, there was a new understanding between them, a connection drawn by their shared grief. There was a relief in knowing that she understood his pain, truly knew it, without him having to explain.

"Yes, I believe you are right," he said quietly, and he was surprised how easy it was to say, to acknowledge the feelings he would usually hide behind a mask.

Thank you for reading! Any reviews would be greatly appreciated.