[There Is No OP, Take Off Your Clothes]

theapriloneincasewearen'talldeadbythefirst. docx

Voshyowillhavetowait. docx

"Say, Lizard Bastard," Voshyo looked over his shoulder as he sat.

"What's wrong?" Ceruzius responded.

"How much time has passed since I've last appeared in a chapter?"

"Let's see… including OP's two instances of public complaining… 18."

Voshyo stared.

"In fact, it seems there were characters he'd spontaneously created who possess more appearances than you."

Voshyo stared.

He proceeded to crush the enlarged Saibaman hand he was previously eating in his hand.

"I… I see."

"You seem upset."

"… zip it."

Portuguese. docx

"Hey, Kosai?" asked Neo.

"Que?" Kosai replied.

"Why do you speak Portuguese, even though the Araji island was never discovered by anyone speaking Portuguese? And we're based on Mesoamerican culture, right? Why are even speaking in a South-American dialect if we SHOULD be, if any at all, speaking a Central-American one?"

"I'm just invested in other languages. Brazilian people are pretty cool guys after all, brother mine!"

"That, or maybe OP's an ignorant moron who tries too hard and simultaneously not hard enough to competently integrate real-life cultures into fiction for the purpose of world-building a series with an already-established world?"

"… Y-you're growing up right before my eyes, Neo…" Kosai sobbed.

"oi wasn't your name Saēko-"

Whykorawasn'tinthedodgeballchapter. docx

The crunching of bone, the whirring of stray balls, and the screams of the weak flooded the gym.

All the while, in a distance corner…

Flip.

"He-heee…."

Kora enjoys becoming stronger and besting stronger opponents.

Flip.

"Hm-Hm-Hm, even the koala knows about him…"

But she enjoys Neko Majin Z more.

Flip.

"…. wait why can it go Super Sai- oh no, that's its… its own little… thing…"

Flip.

"HE USES A FOXTAIL TO-HAAHAHAHA, Haaaaaah…."

Blood managed to splatter on her as she read through.

She didn't notice.

Languagebarrier. docx

"how long do I have to stay off-screen even though anyone who looks up a dragon ball fan fiction knows very-well what I look like?" the Supreme Kai of Time moaned.

"Just wait until the Saiyan Saga, like Voshyo," Trunks replied.

"So anyway, seeing as how many patrollers arrive here, with vague understanding of 'The Main Language'…"

"English or Japanese?"

"Whatever language the reader speaks, I don't know… anyway, shouldn't we work on, like, a method for everyone to instantly understand everyone?"

"Like the bracelet from Space Dandy?"

"Eh, something more convenient."

"The talisman from Drifters?"

"NO NOT LIKE THE TALISMAN FROM DRIFTERS, SHUT UP."

"Touchy… anyway…"

Trunks's coat began inexplicably fluttering in the wind.

"I believe that with the restriction of the language barrier, people will be compelled to come to each other for help, and thereby forge bonds with their fellow patroller! Because THAT is how we as mortals survive!"

"…"

"…"

"DO you have any idea how absolutely fucking stupid that sounded?"

"NO, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SOUND STUPID AND IT WORKS!"

Narcissism. docx

"Alright, Dina," Ayva (this should've been how I spelt her name) said, "this is the training android I've spent a staggering 3 whole days on. It's called D.I.A.N.A. because I thought I'd be cute to have it named almost after you."

"wicked," replied Dina, before her jaw dropped to the floor as the automaton shifted into a form resembling her own.

"Oh yeah, it changes to resemble the one it's training against. Now, it'll mirror your movements until it establishes its own based on the data it receives from you, so you'll be able to find and combat your own weaknesses as you…"

"…"

"Dina?"

"Hm?"

"Don't fuck the robot."

"EW! GROSS! WHY WOULD YOU THINK I'D… COME ON, MS. AYVA!"

"… You're right. Please forgive my rudeness. On that note, I'll leave you to your own devices. I've got important things to do, like yell at other over what's basically hyperbolized powerscaling."

"Oh, no problem, you… you go break a leg out there."

"I said sorry, I don't know why you'd say something so horrible to me but I understand. Goodbye."

Eiva teleported away.

Dina continued to look… suspiciously… at the Dina-impersonating robot.

"…"

"she never say I COULDN'T shag her now did she?"

Not long after Ayva's departure, Dina was checked into the ER.

Injury: Broken hand.

Assessed Cause: Caught between gears.

Reason: Unknown, patient consistently demonstrates violent response when asked.

Kaset'scigarettes. docx

"So those are, like, bad for you or whatever, right?" Neoru asked.

Kaset took a lengthy drag. "Pretty bad. Why?"

"This place's tryin' ta make people stronger, right? How'd you ever get those in the first place?"

Kaset took another drag. "How else? I make 'em myself."

"How?"

"Start by turnin' sand to tobacco with ki. Rest is simple as looking at the cig."

"Sand into tobacco… yeah sure. Wait, hold on, you could probably make a killing off that shit if you sold it."

"C'mon, I'm not stupid enough to sell these things, Neo."

Kaset took another drag.

"… for cheap-"

Ayva and Stroga appeared from the sky itself and drop-kicked Kaset before he could go any further.

Dina'sname. docx

OK, so… Neoru, for Neuro… could make SOMETHING out of that…

Toma? Let's see… nah, that's taken. Canon character AND a… an OC… I don't really wanna associate with that thing… WAIT, VOSHYO! WHAT ABOUT THAT!? YEAH, I CAN ROLL WITH THAT!

What about the half-saiyan, though…

I mean, Gohan's after lunch, so maybe I could just make it Dina after dinner?

Nah, that's fuckin' stupid, I'll find something better.

2, technically 3, years passed.

This is Dina.

"I mean… leave… shit!"

Where'sthedragonballinSTEP. docx

"So, uh…" Neoru began, "Does anyone actually know what the hell a 'Goku' is?"

"Can't say I do," Dina replied.

"Not a clue," Voshyo replied.

"Go-who?" Zinco turned his head in confusion.

"No, but I feel like I should!" Kaza responded anxiously.

"I'm afraid not," Ceruzius replied.

"Goku… The monkey king?" Měi asked.

"N-no, the other one."

"… Jaecheondaes-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP NO ONE CARES!" Kazikum roared for no reason, before throwing his seat in a fit of pent-up aggression, which hit an unflinching Zinco dead-on, and stormed out.

"The fu-"

"So… none of you… have heard of Goku?" Wabi asked with concern.

Everyone still present nodded.

"W-what about the Dragon Balls?"

Everyone who didn't say various renditions of "fake" looked at Wabi like he'd spoken another language. Měi literally did just that, and she still made more sense to them.

"Holy wow… that means the only Dragon Ball character we're familiar with is the daddy issues-riddled, character-assassinating, official Gary Stu…"

"Y'know," Trunks began in his office, "after a hard day of writing miscellaneous things on miscellaneous papers, I can finally say that I'm done. It would really suck if I inexplicably sneezed for some kind of cruel universal slapstick or somethi-"

Kazikum broke down the door, melted the sheets with pure force of his swung fist alone, and called Trunks something that'd absolutely get me an M-rating before jumping out the window.

"…"

Trunks slowly broke down.

Archi. docx

"WHAT'S THAT SOUND!?"

"Please stop-"

"ARCHI!?" Kora exclaimed, before running behind Archi.

"I have cripplingly-low self-esteem at this point, please leave me al-"

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS TOWN!?"

"If you weren't hot, I'd kick you in the shins or somethi-"

"ARCHI!?" Kora exclaimed again, disappearing behind Archi once more.

"I hate saiyan hormones…"

Smol. docx

"I DO SAY, 'TIS A TRULY AUSPICIOUS DAY TO BE UNDER 5 FEET TALL! WOULDN'T YOU AGREE, YOUNG MAIDEN OF SIMILAR STATURE!?"

"Do not speak to me, Hóu Guǐ."

"HAHA! WHY SUCH RESENTFUL EYES, YOUNG WARRIOR! WHY, IT COULDN'T BE YOUR SIZE, COULD IT!? KNOW THIS; 'TIS NOT THE DOG IN THE FIGHT, BUT THE FIGHT IN THE DOG! AN UNYIELDING, FLAMING SPIRIT CAN OVERCOME ANY SIZE-RELATED OBSTACLE, MAIDEN!"

"So… loud…"

"WHAT'S THIS!? AN UNWRAPPED PIECE OF TAFFEE LAYS AT MY FEET!? THE HEAVENS HAVE SURELY SMILED UPON ME THIS DAY!"

"Pìhuà…! I missed her throat…!"

Originality. docx

"So you've got, like, blonde hair and shit."

"Mh."

"Big-boy ambitions, wanna change the world."

"Mh."

"Never fit in at your world, persecuted for shit you didn't do."

"…mh…"

"Socially-awkward dumbass clings onto you for dear life, you don't notice her right now, and you inspire her."

"I don't know anyone like that, but I have friend! Her name's Kaza!"

"You know what you're doin' ya bastard… anyway, angry monster with a tail that comes out sometimes, fucked you over in the past I bet."

"Mh. So your big brother is…"

"He's fuckin' dead… yeah."

"And you wanted to hurt something for a long time because of that!"

"Not a great few years."

"And you have a purple power!"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Your clan is kinda special!"

"Uh-huh."

"You use a sword!"

"No doubt."

"Your hair is black!"

"It's brown, but whatever."

"You're familiar with a punchy girl who likes to talk a bunch, AND a red hair girl who's kinda weird."

"Don't know either of 'em, and they're both fuckin' weirdos, but sure."

"And you kind of act…"

"What? What, the hell're you tryna say, asshole? I'll kick your ass!"

"…Like that."

"Yeah well you're stupid, so."

"I'm not THAT stupid!"

"LIKE HELL YOU AIN'T! YOU BARELY KNOW YOUR TIMES-TABLES, JACKASS!"

"THEY'RE REALLY HARD!"

"HARD, EH!? WELL CHECK THIS OUT! 2, 4, 8, 12-"

"YOU'RE MISSING NUMBERS!"

"NO I'M NOT! LOOK-LOOK-LOOK, I'M SMART, YOU'RE NOT, IT'S THAT SIMPLE, M'KAY!?"

"YEAH WELL-Wait. Why are we fighting?"

"Dunno, we ain't supposed to hit the rival stuff until after this tournament…"

"…"

"…"

"Ah fuck, we ARE Naruto characters, ain't we?"

"I thought we were Son Goku Basoda characters."

"Shut up, I'm gonna go OD on lawn grass before I kiss you or some shit!"

"Oh. Okay! Have fun!"

"Get fucked!"

Fightingspirit. docx

Literally a dragon.

"Sick."

Tiger.

"Wicked."

Every saiyan pretty much gets an Oozaru, but yours has a mane and shit.

"Adequate."

Xiezhi. Or, like, Haetae. It'll probably turn into a Raijin at points.

" 'Kay!"

Was gonna be a rabbit, but Butterfly works better.

"TH-THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

Bull.

"Not difficult to see why… though I'd rather not have such inconvenient horns…"

Rakshasha.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

Spider.

(A happy Měi noise)

...

"…"

Turtle.

"Seriously?"

What? What's wrong with turtles? They have… like… shells n' stuff… and they can bite good…

"I'm gonna be emotional support aside from healing, aren't I?"

Walkthedog. docx

"I walked him yesterday, get off my back," said Dina.

"You took him out for 5 minutes, tied him on a tree, got Chipotle, and took him back," Wabi retorted. "That's not a walk, that's negligence."

"Hmm, funny. All that talk and yet you've failed to refute the fact that I did, in fact, walk him. Fair debate, lessons learned, cheers."

"Stop making this so difficult and walk him! I have things to do, and he broke off his chain and forced me to chase him across the city last time I walked him!"

"Well now, that sounds more like a 'You' problem than it does mine."

"Dear jeez, why do you even have him if you won't take care of him!?"

"He's cute. In addition, I feed him, I have my part. Now if you'll excuse me, this pointless argument has left me quite famished, so I'll be taking my-"

Kazikum suddenly broke through the floor.

"W A L K." He snarled, looking at the both of them simultaneously.

"…"

"…"

"Welp, there go my plans for today."

"Yeah, well, pets tend to do that."

Tunnelvision. docx

Kaza and Měi somehow became close friends, even after "that dodgeball game."

How could this be?

Simple.

"HELPZINCOHELPZINCOHELPZINCOHELPZINCO-" Kaza screamed internally as her eyes were completely glued to Zinco and her concentration was fixed on her telekinesis.

"SAIYANBADSAIYANBADSAIYANBADSAIYANBADSAIYANBAD-" Měi hissed internally as her eyes were completely glued to Zinco and her concentration was fixed onto her qi technique.

They were too preoccupied.

Stairs. docx

"Can't believe that dumbass bought the stairs excuse," Neoru snickered to himself, too occupied with his own genius to notice the sudden drop.

"wait wha-"

Every fucking acupuncture point in known to man was hit by the edges of the stairs as he tumbled downward, be them secret, forbidden, deadly, healing, or whatever. By the time he hit the bottom, he was immobilized, blind, deaf, and had shit himself twice. The deadlier points were conveniently counteracted by those which healed, but it did little to ease his agonized and enraged screaming.

Stroga fixed up what he could, after checking on the commotion, but nothing could be done for what little pride Neoru possessed.

If not for mind-reading and cameras, Měi would've been framed by actual stairs.

Trunks took the day off. To rethink things.

Wrongprotagonists. docx

Trunks sipped his cherry Hetap, as the beams of light dissipated.

"… wait a minute…"

"Eh? This ain't Edo Japan!" said an Okinawan ronin in a red jacket and shorts.

"What the- this isn't the 21st Nome!" said a British magician with brown, red-streaked hair and Egyptian clothing.

"OF THIS LIFE, I HAVE NOT ONE REGRE… wait, this isn't the End of the Century!" said RAOH.

"… oh shit, I hit the 'real great influences from real great series' button again."

He tried again and got a blonde plant in a red trench coat, an awkward ninja chick with clear eyes, and a caped skeleton on a horse.

He tried again and got a psychopathic blonde fighter with black-red eyes, and a red-eyed small woman in a black dresshirt, skirt and a red tie.

He did it one more time and got 3 copies of himself.

Trunks blushed.

Endofchapter:OPis(not)here. docx

Alright, I think I got the hang'a this.

Sup, Neoru here.

OP got taken by some yellow guys because he coughed too loud, was weird. Anyway, uh, from the looks of it, this was some shit he made to mock his own series for … April Fools… or whatever that it.

Heh, dumbass couldn't even upload it on the 1st.

Huh.

Well, anyway, next time on STEP, I'm gonna definitely not get my ass kicked again, I get a life that I'm proud of, I live happily ever after, Kaset gets his legs broken, and the story wraps up from there. It'll be great.

Uh…

Yeah, I'm gonna fuck off now. See ya.