The next day, a guard brings a message: the delegates have asked to postpone the negotiations for a few days.
He did it, is Katara's first thought. Zuko convinced them to call it off. They don't trust us anymore.
Azula is plagued by similar thoughts, albeit much more tactical. How much did Zuko tell the others? In what ways is he trying to undermine her credibility?
What could he possibly use against me? Just his 'feelings'? I suppose he could tell them how oh so horrible I was as a child, but that's hardly relevant.
Has he found out anything I don't know?
Would he just lie about me? He always used to; that's why mother always liked him better than me.
What is he telling them right now?
"Hey."
Katara's voice snaps Azula out of her thoughts.
"You look terrible."
"Why thank you. Aren't you charming today." Despite knowing that Katara likely means her emotional state, Azula's hands still automatically go up to check her hair and top knot. "Is there a point to your observation, or did you just want to insult me?"
"Actually, I was thinking you look like you need a distraction. How does a match sound?"
"That's hardly constructive."
"We can't do anything today anyway. What's the harm?" When Azula doesn't respond, Katara pushes, "come on, we could both use the training."
"Fine, fine. If you must."
Once they're at the dojo, though, Katara notices Azula gets back into her usual, competitive spirit almost effortlessly, and she can't help but smile to herself. At this point, she knows Azula, and with some pride she thinks to herself that she might know Azula better than Azula knows herself. The way she fights, too – it doesn't take someone of Toph's talents to notice Azula is putting all her anxiety and paranoia, her impatience and her fear of losing control, into every fire blast she throws at Katara. There's an emotional energy, a relentless onslaught to it that Katara has learned to interpret all too well.
Just because she's happy to see Azula finally let out all the pent-up stress, though, doesn't mean Katara is a willing punching bag, and she gives back just as fiercely as she gets (Azula wouldn't have it any other way). Azula's preoccupation proves a disadvantage, and less than ten minutes into their second match, Katara is triumphantly kneeling over Azula, hands pinned to the floor.
"Got you", she pants. "Better luck next time."
"You bet", Azula snarls, and Katara can almost see the fire in her eyes double in intensity, shame mixed with determination, as she struggles against Katara's hold. "I was sloppy, that's all. I let you win."
"Sure", Katara laughs as she stands up and reaches out an arm to help Azula up. "You keep telling yourself that."
Without warning, Azula yanks on Katara's outstretched arm and pulls her down, catapults her over Azula, and jumps up to pounce on Katara to pin her down in return. Katara rolls out of the way and sends Azula flying with a well-aimed kick, and just like that, round three is on. At some point, the fire blasts and waves stop and they're just wrestling, kicking and punching, and half an hour later, it's Azula who twists Katara's arms behind her back and fixates her on the floor.
By midday, they're both bruised and sore all over and drenched in sweat.
"I take it back", Azula pants when she pulls Katara up after another round. "This was a good idea."
"I know", Katara grins. "You needed a distraction."
"And you were presumptuous enough to bully me into one", Azula remarks without malice. "Really, I don't know why I tolerate you."
Katara playfully shoves her, Azula shoves back, and when Katara hits the wall, Azula follows. The sweat and the bruises are intoxicating and the kiss that follows is hungry, not gentle or delicate, fuelled by the adrenaline of fighting and the memory of Katara's strong arms pinning Azula down, of Azula's fists dishing out hits. When Azula loses herself a little too much in Katara's mouth and lets her guard down, Katara flips them around and pushes Azula against the wall, and the feeling of Katara's armour pressing against her only makes Azula's desire burn hotter. She's loathe to admit it, but there's something to it… someone who can match her, best her…
She banishes the thought from her mind.
"People", Katara suddenly hisses, and they jump apart at the sound of approaching footsteps. When two scribes hurry past, arms full of scrolls, they're back to sparring, Katara dodging a fireball from Azula and tackling her in retaliation.
"Thank you", Azula quietly says once the pair of servants are out of sight and earshot. "I was so busy, I didn't hear them."
"Hey", Katara nudges her, "I promised to protect you. And I am."
"It's going to be hard once you've left", Azula admits. "I hate to say it, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do."
"I think I have an idea", Katara surprises her. "I'll tell you over lunch."
At that, Azula realises that it is nearly time for lunch.
"Let's go."
After lunch (Katara's idea has merit, Azula decides, even if she's not fully convinced it will work), Azula works through some regular paperwork. Imperial warrants for new trading concessions. Promotions requiring her approval. The pending execution of a captured traitor in Fire Fountain City. Preparations for the Solstice Festival at the Capital Temple.
Katara passes the time meditating, drawing, and when she tires of that, reading. After dinner, they both go to bed early, all too impatient to end such a boring day.
The next morning passes without news from the delegates, and this time, Azula can't be convinced to spar. She locks herself in the study after breakfast with the latest round of intelligence reports, and left to her own devices, Katara opts for a walk in the gardens again after ensuring adequate protection for Azula. Being the Fire Lord's bodyguard and right hand does have its benefits, she, somewhat guiltily, thinks, as each guard she passes on her way out of the palace snaps to attention at the sight of her one-of-a-kind armour.
I shouldn't enjoy this.
But what does it matter? I'm not harming anyone. I'm not the Fire Nation; I just protect Azula. And anyone who might replace her is worse.
So there's really no reason…
At least they respect me now.
Those thoughts don't make the walk quite as relaxing as Katara intended, but still, there is some satisfaction to seeing her efforts recognised. She's done more for Azula, for these guards' Fire Lord, than anyone ever has. Saluting her when she walks by is the least they can do.
Her feet carry her aimlessly through the gardens, though she makes sure to avoid the pavillon from last time. Not that it matters; her cover is blown anyway, but nevertheless…
She's walked past the observatory, towards the less frequented parts of the parks, when she sees someone ducking into the bushes and immediately feels her heartbeat pick up. Hands raised to fight, she slowly approaches, sneaks around the bush, ready to attack whoever it is—
"Zuko‽"
He flinches and assumes a fighting stance at her sudden appearance, only to frown when he recognises the voice and armour.
"Katara?"
"What are you doing here?", Katara lowers her voice. "You're not supposed to wander around without an escort; you could get everyone in trouble!"
He shrugs. "I grew up here, remember? I know my way around, and I don't need an escort to get some fresh air."
"Clearly", Katara deadpans. "And what if someone other than me had seen you?"
"What then? They can't exactly hurt me. I'm the Fire Lord's guest, or so my sister says. Unless she doesn't mean it?"
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Katara turns to leave, but Zuko jumps up and hurries after her.
"Katara!" He catches up. "Do you have a moment?"
"If this is about questioning me again…"
He holds up his hands. "I promise it isn't."
"Alright." She thinks for a moment. "You can start by explaining what in Tui's name is going on. What did you tell them to delay the talks?"
"What? You think— Nothing, really." He sighs. "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but we're just waiting for a response from Ba Sing Se. That's all. We've been preparing for the next meeting, but we can't do much until the Earth King approves it."
"Okay." The relief is palpable and Zuko can probably tell what a weight it takes off Katara's chest. They walk for a while before Zuko breaks the silence.
"So… working with Azula? How is it?"
"What do you mean?"
Zuko smiles bitterly. "I know my sister, Katara. She's a pain to be around, even on the best of days. For whatever reason you do what you do, I imagine she's not easy to work with."
And what do you know?
"But do you still know her?", she challenges. "You haven't seen her since we went to fight her, Zuko. You remember the way she was then. Does that seem like the same person who's negotiating for peace right now?"
"I suppose not", he admits. "But still… she's changed, you're right, but she's still the same. Still thinks she's better than everyone else."
"Yeah", Katara admits before thinking. "She does that."
"But you're right", Zuko in turn concedes. "She's not at all what I expected. The arrogance, the mockery, that's all her, but… it feels like she's lost her lust for cruelty. Like she has a better grip on her temper."
If only you knew, Katara thinks, whom you have to thank for it.
They arrive at a small pond and Zuko sits down, followed by Katara. There's a small swarm of turtle-ducks in the water, and he reaches into his robes for some bread and tosses it into the water for them.
"You're not supposed to do that, you know", Katara remarks, and Zuko looks at her in surprise.
"My tribe has kept penguin-chickens for centuries", she explains. "Bread isn't good for birds. Too much and it swells up in their stomachs. What they need is seeds or algae, small fish, that sort of thing."
"Oh." Looking abashed, he pockets the rest of the bread again. "I had no idea."
After some more silence, he laughs quietly, a joyless, grim chuckle.
"The last times I was here, it was with Azula. When we were young, she taught me to throw rocks at the turtle-ducks. My mother was so disappointed when she found out."
"I can imagine."
He stares past her, off into the distance, reminiscing.
"We never really played together a lot", he continues. "Once they met, she was always playing with Ty Lee and Mai. They only let me join if they needed someone to make fun of."
His gaze returns to her.
"I don't suppose you know what happened to Mai?"
Katara shakes her head. "I don't. Sorry."
"Figures." He sighs. "Azula doesn't forgive. I don't think she can. She's always been one to hold on to grudges. She's hated my uncle – our uncle – ever since it became clear he liked me better than her. She can't have been older than four."
"How is he?", Katara interjects. "I almost expected him to come along." A thought occurs to her. "He's not…?"
Zuko shakes his head. "He's fine. But he says he's too old for fighting now." He grimaces. "The Council aren't particularly sad that he doesn't get involved. I don't think they're too happy to work with any firebenders at all. They still consult him when he's needed, but for the most part, he's happy making tea and being just Mushi."
"He's still called that?" Katara laughs. "You're kidding!"
"No, really!" Zuko joins in her laughter before sobering up. "As far as Ba Sing Se is concerned, Mushi is fine. People don't want to think about the Dragon of the West sitting in the Upper Ring and serving them a drink."
"Fair enough."
"Sometimes I think he just wants to forget the last years. He really hoped everything would end with the comet. And then we came back without you, without my father or Azula in chains… he doesn't talk about it, but I think he feels like he failed. And I get it. We all feel like we failed."
The thought hurts in Katara's heart, not least because she knows exactly how they feel.
"After it all", she begins, "after… after I got captured… for so long, I had no idea if any of you were still alive. There were no news, nobody had seen or heard from you… so often, I thought you were dead."
"We may as well have been", Zuko grimly answers. "At first… it wasn't pretty." He looks at her. "Do you want to know? You might not want to."
"Yes", Katara affirms. "I need to know."
Zuko closes his eyes and gathers his thoughts.
"That night, I barely escaped", he starts. "I was still weak from the lightning, and when you went down… I couldn't get to you. I had to run or we both would have died. Even so, I almost didn't make it out alive."
He hesistantly reaches for her hand and she lets him.
"I'm so sorry", he rasps, and it's clear this has been on his mind for nearly three years. "I was sure I'd left you behind to die. I couldn't forgive myself… when I found out that you were alive…"
"Hey", she takes his hand between her gloves. "It's okay. I'm still here, and I don't blame you."
He swallows hard. "I'm not sure if I could say the same in your situation." A tear drops from his healthy eye. "Thank you, Katara."
He hesitates for a second.
"Could you… maybe take off the helmet? It's a little disturbing."
Katara has gotten so used to it, she almost forgets how it looks from the outside. But the stylised skull with its giant teeth probably does look a little intimidating. She slides it off and immediately sees Zuko relax a little.
"When I came back without you", he continues, "it was… it wasn't good. The others… Sokka and Aang especially, they were furious. I told them what happened, and I think they knew, deep down, that I couldn't have saved you, but you know how it is. You always think, 'I could have made a difference', 'I would have saved her'."
Like Aang when Appa was stolen, Katara thinks. We all knew Toph couldn't have stopped them, but he was too angry to think straight.
"Aang wanted to rush to the capital immediately", Zuko reminisces. "To bust you out, or at least… at least take your body back home. We had to wait for someone to arrive and take my father into custody, and by the time we got underway, it was too late. Azula must have recalled the fleet as soon as it became obvious something was wrong, and we didn't even get close to the capital. We had to withdraw."
"Wait", Katara holds up a hand, "you had Ozai? I thought he's gone."
"He is", Zuko confirmed. "The detachment taking him back to Ba Sing Se was ambushed by the Fire Nation. By the time we got back, there was nobody left alive. If my father didn't die with them, then nobody knows where he is."
"Huh." Katara frowns. "Well, we don't have him."
Zuko raises an eyebrow, and too late, Katara realises her misplaced use of 'we'. But thankfully, he doesn't comment on it, and instead continues his story.
"After we got back, everything got complicated. We were supposed to take the Fire Nation that night, but we didn't. The Fire Lord's disappearance wasn't good enough. The fighting stopped for a while – I guess my sister must have needed some time to take charge—"
"I know she fired half the leadership", Katara throws in. "Many of them didn't want a teenage girl as their new Fire Lord."
Zuko nods. "And we had to rebuild the Earth Kingdom's leadership, too. Purge the Dai Li from Ba Sing Se after the White Lotus freed it. It gave both sides some time to recover, and afterwards… it was just a stalemate. And Aang…"
He sighs deeply.
"He just… disappeared. Into himself. He didn't come out of his room for weeks."
"He must have felt like he failed", Katara softly mumbles. "Again."
Like when he woke up and realised his people were dead. And then again when Azula nearly killed him.
Her heart aches at the thought.
"He did", Zuko confirms. "In the meantime, Sokka and I tried to make ourselves useful. The generals didn't like to let an 'ash-maker' help, but I knew the Fire Nation better than them, so they didn't really have a choice. Sokka went to find his father and brought him and his crew to Ba Sing Se, too."
Dad. A tear slips out of Katara's eye at the thought, and she is glad Zuko pretends not to notice.
"Ash maker?"
"Yeah." Zuko grimaces. "I learned a lot of ugly words in those first weeks. Ash maker, spark sucker, second degree…"
"Enough", Katara holds up a hand. "That's awful."
He shrugs. "I got used to it. My people have done terrible things to the Earth Kingdom; I can't blame them for being angry."
I forgot how stupidly self-sacrifical that boy can be, Katara thinks. Does that run in the family? Azula is too convinced she's a living weapon, he's too content being a punching bag. Is anyone in this family normal?
"You were talking about the others", she refocuses him.
"Right. Sorry." He scratches his head. "After a couple months, Aang finally started coming out of his shell again. He wanted to fight, to make the Fire Nation pay for… well, for your death, mostly."
Oh no.
"It… didn't go well", Zuko continues. "In our first fight together, he got carried away. He was grieving you, he was angry…" He takes a deep breath. "None of them survived. They didn't stand a chance. But even so… he was so focused on attacking, he didn't defend himself well enough. One of them got at his leg, and we didn't have a healer… by the time we got back to Ba Sing Se, it was too late. You've seen him. He's gonna have to walk with his staff forever."
Oh Aang. This time, the tears start flowing freely, and Katara lets Zuko offer her an arm and cries onto his shoulder.
"And that's not all", Zuko hesitates to continue, waiting for her to nod before doing so. "In his outburst… one of his attacks… something went off course. A splinter, a bit of rock, an icicle, we don't know. But…
"It hit Sokka in the eye."
Oh. Oh fuck, Aang, Sokka, spirits no…
"After that, Aang refused to fight. You should have seen him; he felt horrible. Said he'd betrayed everything his people believed in, and that accidentally blinding Sokka was the punishment for his hubris. That he could see now he was unfit to lead or fight anyone."
'In the desert, all you cared about was finding Appa, and now it's like you don't care about him at all.'
Aang closes his eyes in pain and refuses to look at her. 'You saw what I did out there. I was so angry about losing Appa, I couldn't control myself. I hated feeling like that.'
The memory comes to mind uninvited, and Katara can't even begin to imagine what must have happened after the events Zuko describes.
"We all kind of fell apart after that", he admits. "I couldn't go into battle alone, not when nobody outside the Earth King's palace trusted me. Sokka and Aang didn't talk to each other for a long time, and we all found things to keep ourselves busy. I advised the Council of Five about the Fire Nation and Sokka was the one who got the Chiefs and the Generals to sit down together and figure out joint operations between the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes. Without him, they would never have coordinated their strategies with each other."
Through the tears, Katara smiles. That sounds exactly like Sokka. Taking after dad, always trying to figure out new things.
"And Toph…" Zuko hesitates. "Actually, I'm not sure I should talk about this."
With that, he's already all but given it away, and Katara takes an educated guess.
"She's teaching, isn't she?" When Zuko looks at her in shock, she allows herself a proud grin, and adds, "Toph can do two things nobody else can: the way she sees, and metalbending. If you can't talk about it, that means it's probably some military advantage you can't betray, so I'm guessing she teaches one or both."
"Metalbending", Zuko stammers. "How did you…?" He shakes his head in disbelief. "My sister is rubbing off on you. She was always good at getting secrets out of people."
"I'll take that as a compliment", Katara remarks. "But what made you all come here? The way you told it, it sounds like Aang wouldn't have wanted to come, and the generals wouldn't have let you."
"Yeah", Zuko admits, "it wasn't easy. They wanted Aang on board, as insurance mostly, and I convinced him to come because I expected they'd want to bring down the Fire Nation, rather than make peace. And when they wanted me to provide them with information about the palace, I traded that for a ticket to come along." He smiles. "Plus, Toph threatened to stay behind if I wasn't allowed to come, and they didn't want to lose their living lie detector."
"That sounds like her", Katara laughs against her will. "So, you all found something to do on your own. And then?"
Zuko launches back into his story. Under Suki's leadership, the Kyoshi warriors have found increasing success in the Earth Kingdom and drawn many new recruits. A detachment of Kyoshi Warriors is now regularly stationed at the Earth King's palace, and many others perform duties of protecting government officials. What's more, Suki and Sokka are expecting their first child together (Katara almost cries at the news, both excited for her brother and sad that she's missed so much of his life).
When he's done recounting the last years, Katara stares at the pond for several minutes, wiping away the occasional tear.
"Still sure you needed to know?", Zuko eventually asks, and Katara can't help but smile a bitter smile at the similarity to his sister.
Translation: do you regret asking?
"Yes", she confirms. "It's just a lot to take in. But it feels like I had to know. I couldn't be there for any of you."
"It's not your fault", he reassures her, mirroring her own words from earlier. "It's not like you chose to lose to Azula."
"I didn't 'lose'", Katara feels the need to point out. "I beat her. It was those damned Sages—"
"I know, I know", Zuko holds up his hands in surrender. "Does it matter?"
"It does", Katara simply says. "I beat her. It matters to me."
"Alright."
They watch the turtle-ducks roam through the pond while the sun starts its journey down the horizon. Noon has come and passed while they've exchanged stories.
"How about you?"
The question snaps Katara out of her thoughts.
"I know, you can't talk about it", Zuko pre-empts her answer. "But is there anything you can talk about? What you've been doing all this time?"
Katara thinks about it.
"I've been drawing", she eventually says. "I've learned to like the food. And I've been learning about the history of the Fire Nation."
"From my sister." It's an accusation as much of a question.
"No", Katara shakes her head. "She hasn't indoctrinated me, if that's what you mean." (It is, and he at least has the decency to look a little ashamed.) "I've been reading through the palace's library. Everything, from modern texts to historic ones. It's really interesting; you can clearly see when Sozin's influence started distorting the sciences and scholars… but I guess you know that."
"Yeah."
"What else? I've been training a lot."
"I saw you yesterday", Zuko notes. "You were training with my sister."
For a split second, Katara is shocked, expecting him to remark on what else she's done with Azula at the dojo. But when nothing else comes, she concludes he must really only have seen them training.
"Yeah", she answers. "We do that."
He gives her a long, quizzical look.
"You've changed", he eventually says. "She, too. I just hope it's for the better."
Katara seeks his eye, holds eye contact until he averts his gaze.
"It is. Trust me."
"I try."
When Katara returns to the Fire Lord's chambers, much later, she finds Azula at the dinner table, reading over a pile of message scrolls while absent-mindedly chewing on some roast duck. Katara strips out of her armor and sits down opposite her, where a plate has been prepared for her.
"I talked to Zuko today."
Azula doesn't look up from her papers. "I know."
"It was… good", Katara adds. "We didn't talk about anything sensitive, if you're worried about that."
"Good."
Katara puts her food down.
"Are you angry?"
Azula sighs and finally puts down the papers from her hand as well.
"I'm not happy", she admits. "But I don't want to fight."
"Okay."
"You promised to protect me", Azula forces out, "and I trust you to know what you're doing."
"That's good."
Nothing else is said about the matter.
The next day passes without news as well, but late at night, when they're already in bed, a servant knocks.
The hawk has returned with a message.
"What should we do with it, Your Majesty?"
"Give it to them", Azula decides. "Don't open it."
"Yes, Your Highness."
Once the door has closed, Azula allows herself a cynical smile.
"They've tipped their hand", she declares while she hurries into the study, Katara in tow. "There's no way that bird could have flown to Ba Sing Se and back in just three days. No, I believe the Earth King must be much closer."
"How close?"
Azula shrugs. "Probably on the West Coast. They've stolen enough of my airships to get there in time. My guess is, he's preparing to invade if the negotiations fail. Hand me that list of commanding officers."
Only after she's written out orders to every one of her units to double their watches and inform her of any ever-so-minor developments does she feel ready to go to bed. But sleep doesn't come easy that night.