A/N This won't be a Hermione-friendly book. I hated pretty much all of her actions throughout and too often find her actions in regard to Scabbers and Crookshanks are brushed aside because Scabbers turned out to be Peter. But she didn't know that at the time and it wasn't ok. Nor was going behind Harry's back with the Firebolt, even if her heart was in the right place she had no right to tell McGonagall without talking to Harry properly first. Yes, she did try a little in the dorm, but she should have waited and explained her concerns properly before just telling on him without any warning. I'll try not to turn it into bashing, and it won't be held against her forever, but it will be an uncomfortable book for her.
A/N 2: I can't remember if I've said this before so I'll do it now. This will be a M/M story. Wolfstar will be a thing. Additionally, Harry will likely end up with either Draco or Fred. Don't like, don't read. Don't like, don't leave insulting and rude comments. I won't be changing my mind. If you don't like those pairings, or me making Harry bi, then that's fine, we all have different tastes but being an insufferable ass about it is hardly going to make me reconsider. If I get too many bad comments I WILL take the story down and just keep posting solely on AO3.
Draco handed the book to his godfather who sneered down at the title.
Aunt Marge's Big Mistake
"Ooh, finally!" Ron exclaimed with a huge grin. "I want to hear what really happened. I just know Harry left out the details." Harry grimaced.
"Given what we know about those people, I don't think it's going to be a good story," Percy cautioned. Of course he'd heard about the events, Harry blowing up his muggle aunt and running away with Sirius Black on the loose had been huge news at the time, despite the Ministry's attempt to cover it up.
Harry went down to breakfast next morning to find the Dursleys already sitting around the kitchen table.
"It was weird. Only Petunia is usually up before me in the summer," Harry mused, shaking his head.
"What time was it?" Remus wondered.
"Almost half nine. Much later than I usually sleep in."
"Well, if there is any day to have a lie in, it's your birthday, I suppose," Bill smiled.
They were watching a brand-new television, a welcome-home-for-the-summer present for Dudley, who had been complaining loudly about the long walk between the fridge and the television in the living room.
"He complained about what?" Draco blinked.
"I mean, he complains about literally everything," Harry pointed out.
"Kind of like you, Ickle Malfoy," Fred smirked. Draco glared at him.
"I'm nothing like that filth."
"You kind of are," George grinned.
"Enough boys. Percy is right. It's not likely to be pleasant," Arthur spoke up, fixing the twins with a stern glare. Harry sighed and shrank into Sirius' side.
Dudley had spent most of the summer in the kitchen, his piggy little eyes fixed on the screen and his five chins wobbling as he ate continually.
"Eww!"
"Yuck!"
"That is disgusting!"
"Why do his parents let him do that?" Several people wondered at once.
Harry sat down between Dudley and Uncle Vernon. Instead of wishing Harry a happy birthday, none of the Dursleys gave any sign that they had noticed Harry enter the room. Unfortunately, Harry was far too used to this to care.
Several people muttered angrily under their breath.
He helped himself to a piece of toast and then looked up at the newsreader on the television, who was halfway through a report on an escaped convict. The newsreader was saying that Black was armed and extremely dangerous.
Sirius groaned. "It's going to be a long book, isn't it?"
"They are all long," Harry muttered. "But yes. It's not going to be great for you either, this time."
A special hotline had been set up for sightings of Black to be reported immediately. Vernon snorted, saying there was no need to tell them Black was no good, saying he was a filthy layabout and talking about his hair.
"Oi!" Sirius yelped indignantly. "I'd like to see how you look after being in that place for twelve years innocent or not. And he'd be not."
"Really? You're upset because Vernon Dursley, of all people, complained about your hair?" Remus rolled his eyes.
"And it was pretty bad," Harry grinned. Sirius narrowed his eyes and Harry began to shuffle away from him. A deceptively strong arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding him in place.
He shot a nasty look sideways at Harry, whose untidy hair had always been a source of great annoyance to Uncle Vernon. Compared to the man on the television, however, whose gaunt face was surrounded by a matted, elbow-length tangle, Harry felt very well groomed indeed.
Sirius gave an exaggerated gasp, feigning offence.
"Wow. That must have been pretty bad to make Harry's hair look tidy," George teased. Sirius and Harry both glared at him.
The newsreader had reappeared and changed the topic. Vernon complained that they hadn't stated where the maniac had escaped from, and he could be coming up the street right then.
"Not yet. Give it a week or so," Harry laughed.
The Ministry workers all winced at the casual mention of how easily Sirius had found Harry. It was a very good job he hadn't been trying to kill Harry or it would have been extremely bad.
Aunt Petunia whipped around and peered intently out of the kitchen window. Harry knew Aunt Petunia would simply love to be the one to call the hotline number.
Several people rolled their eyes.
She was the nosiest woman in the world and spent most of her life spying on her boring, law-abiding neighbours.
"Eh, the neighbours are equally nosy," Harry shrugged. "They were probably all doing the same thing."
Vernon asked when they would learn that hanging was the only way to deal with these people.
"Does he mean criminals? Like, all criminals?" Charlie frowned. "That's a bit harsh?"
"And sending someone to live with soul-sucking demons for any offense isn't harsh?" Hermione asked.
"It's not every offense," Emmeline pointed out.
"Pretty much. It's either a fine or prison. And even in the lightest security, you can feel the dementors," Sirius reminded her.
Petunia agrees, still squinting into the next garden. Vernon finished his drink and said he'd better be off soon as Marge's train arrived at ten. Harry, who had been thinking about Hermione's present, was jolted back to the present at the mention of Marge, who was Vernon's sister. Harry had been forced to call her 'aunt' all his life, despite not being blood related.
Sirius snarled angrily.
Aunt Marge lived in the country, in a house with a large garden, where she bred bulldogs. She didn't often stay in Privet Drive, because she couldn't bear to leave her precious dogs, but each of her visits stood out horribly vividly in Harry's mind.
"Aaaand we're going to recount each and every one, aren't we?" Harry groaned.
"Yes," Draco nodded, scanning the rest of the page quickly.
At Dudley's fifth birthday party, Aunt Marge had whacked Harry around the shins with her walking stick to stop him beating Dudley at musical statues.
A few unhappy grumbles could be heard, but they knew worse was coming and so kept most of their irritation quiet.
A few years later, she had turned up at Christmas with a computerised robot for Dudley and a box of dog biscuits for Harry.
"She what?" Sirius asked, repulsed.
"She actually gave you a box of dog biscuits?" Andromeda asked in disgust. Harry shrugged.
"I just threw them out. It could have been worse." Nobody bothered to argue with him on that specific point.
On her last visit, the year before Harry had started at Hogwarts, Harry had accidentally trodden on the paw of her favourite dog. Ripper had chased Harry out into the garden and up a tree, and Aunt Marge had refused to call him off until past midnight.
"How long were you up there?"
"A while." Harry's tone of voice told everyone he wasn't going to answer in any more depth than that.
The memory of this incident still brought tears of laughter to Dudley's eyes.
"Of course it did," Remus scowled.
"I'll bring tears to his eyes," Ron muttered angrily.
"Only if you let us help," Fred stated grimly.
"You'll do no such thing, boys. Leave it to the adults to sort out," Molly scolded.
"You mean the same adults that left him in that place and then didn't bother to check on him? Those adults? Or the adults that Harry is supposed to be able to confide in but constantly ignore or dismiss him?" Fred snapped at his mother. "Professor McGonagall told Dumbledore they were the worst sort of muggles after a single day of watching them, but when Harry came to Hogwarts, she didn't check on him, did she?" Minerva looked down, shame-faced. "Or when we told you he'd been starved and had bars on his window, and you just thought we were lying to get out of trouble. Why should we trust any one of you with Harry?" Fred finished his rant and George put a hand on his twin's arm to calm him down, although he agreed with every word that had been said. There was a stunned silence as none of the adults had a rebuttal for Fred's words.
"Mr. Potter…" Dumbledore began but he was cut off by Ron.
"Don't you start!" He glared at the headmaster. For a lot of his time here, Ron had been focusing on his family problems, his embarrassment at having some of his insecurities read out and having his parents find out exactly what he had been doing for the past few years. But he'd also been taking note of the headmaster's actions ever since he'd learnt just how bad his best friend's home life had been and exactly who had put him there. Something had always struck him as strange about their first year, and while he'd thought it was cool at the time for Dumbledore to let Harry face You-Know-Who, he didn't think that now. Now, he was suspicious about what the headmaster had planned for his friend. Bill had clearly realised something as well, Ron didn't know exactly what, but it was big. And he just knew he wasn't going to like it. And once they'd read about his first and second years again, he'd started going over third year in his own mind. And he didn't like some of the conclusions he reached.
"Ron!" Molly glared at him. Ron glared right back but chose not to continue the argument right then.
Vernon snarled that Marge would be there for a week. Then stated they needed to get a few things straight before he collected her. Dudley finally looked away from the tele, preferring to watch Harry being bullied by Vernon.
There were many eye rolls and mutterings.
The first order was to keep a civil tongue in his head when talking to Marge. Harry retorted that he would if she did.
George whistled appreciatively. "Good for you, Harry."
"Not good for him if he gets in trouble for rudeness," Percy pointed out.
"It's not rude, it's a fair request," Tonks said.
"To most people. To those people, it'll be seen as rude," Charlie reminded her. She sighed.
Vernon ignored this.
"At least that's something," Remus muttered.
And continued that Marge didn't know anything about his abnormality and they didn't want any of his funny stuff while she was there. He told Harry to behave himself.
"Does that mean they don't remember that Harry can't use magic outside school?" Neville wondered.
"I think they forgot for a bit, yeah. But if I used that threat, they would have remembered eventually," Harry shrugged.
Harry replied he would if she did.
"Pushing your luck a bit there. Which really isn't a good idea given the extremes your luck goes to," Kingsley said with a grimace.
Vernon ignored this again, saying they'd told Marge Harry attended St Brutus' Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys.
"What?" Several people asked indignantly. Harry scowled.
"Did they tell everyone that or just Marge?" Remus wondered.
"Everyone probably. It explains why the neighbours started avoiding me even more than before."
"Who cares what some awful muggles think?" Draco asked.
"For once, blondie is right," Tonks said. Draco glared at her. "You'll never have to go back there anyway, and it won't matter what they think."
Harry was angry yelled 'what' and Vernon told him to stick to the story or there would be trouble. Harry sat there, white-faced and furious, staring at Uncle Vernon, hardly able to believe it. Aunt Marge coming for a week-long visit was the worst birthday present the Dursleys had ever given him, including that pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.
"Oh, you were angry about the visit, not the school thing," Ron nodded.
"I was pretty angry at both, but the visit was more immediate."
Vernon said he'd better be off to the station. He asked if Dudley want to go but his son refused, having gone back to watching tv with Harry's threatening over with. Petunia said Duddy had to make himself smart for his auntie. Mummy had bought him a new bow tie
"I love how she still talks like he's five," Tonks snorted.
"Mentally, I'm pretty sure he is," Charlie pointed out.
"Besides, it'll take longer than a trip to the station to make that kid look smart," Ted muttered.
"It's not like she'll be able to see the tie under his chins anyway," George grinned.
Uncle Vernon clapped Dudley on his porky shoulder and left. Harry, who had been sitting in a kind of horrified trance, had a sudden idea.
"Oh no!" Several people groaned.
"Hey!" Harry complained. "This wasn't a bad plan."
"Did it work?" Hermione asked, eyebrows raised.
"Technically no, but that was because of what happened with Marge. The actual plan worked, it was just the execution which was kind of beyond my control," Harry defended himself.
Abandoning his toast, he quickly followed Uncle Vernon to the front door. Uncle Vernon was pulling on his car coat and snarled that he wasn't taking Harry.
"Like he'd want to go," Ron snorted.
Harry stated he wouldn't want to go.
Ron and Harry high fived.
He continued that he wanted to ask him something. Vernon eyed him suspiciously as he told him that third years at his school were allowed to visit the village sometimes. Vernon asked 'so' and Harry stated he needed him to sign the permission form. His uncle sneered and asked why he should do that.
"Because it's the decent thing to do," Arthur sighed.
"Like that matters to them. It's something Harry wants, that's the only reason he needs to refuse," Remus frowned unhappily.
Harry pointed out that it would be hard work pretending to Marge that he goes to St Whatsits. Vernon yelled the name of the Secure Centre at him, and Harry happily detected a note of panic in his voice.
"Blackmail. Nice!" Sirius grinned, giving Harry a high five.
"Honestly, purely by coincidence it turned out to be a good thing they didn't sign the form. It was hard enough refusing him permission to visit Hogsmeade without it. It would have been much worse denying him if he'd had one signed," Minerva muttered to Pomona.
Harry agreed, saying it was a lot to remember.
"Only for you, Potter," Severus rolled his eyes, but there was no nastiness in his voice. He almost sounded humorous which weirded Harry out slightly.
He added that he would need to make it sound convincing. He asked what would happen if he accidentally slipped. Vernon roared that he would get the stuffing knocked out of him, advancing with his fist raised.
"Don't you dare!" Sirius snarled.
"He didn't touch me," Harry assured him. "Well, aside from some spit," he added with a grimace. Several people shuddered at that.
Harry stood his ground.
"Course he did," Fred stated proudly, but he was eyeing Harry with concern. Was he standing his ground because he considered Hogsmeade worth a beating, or did he have enough confidence that his uncle wouldn't actually hit him? The second option didn't quite tally with the rest of the evidence. Even if there had been no explicit beatings in the books, his aunt had tried to hit him with a frying pan before, and Dudley had been encouraged to hit him with his school stick (which was still weird to Fred).
Harry pointed out that having the stuffing knocked out of him wouldn't make Marge forget what he could tell her. Uncle Vernon stopped, his fist still raised, his face an ugly puce.
"Living dangerously there, Potter," Moody grunted.
"I live dangerously all the time," Harry shrugged. "At least that time I thought I'd get something good out of it."
"That's a bit grim," Tonks frowned.
"Having you heard these books? My life is one big danger and after another. Might as well try and enjoy what I can," Harry shrugged again. Sirius hugged him tightly at that while Bill gave Dumbledore a pointed look.
Harry quickly said that if Vernon signed his form, he'd remember everything he was required to and pretend to be normal.
"Well, that won't work. We already covered all the reasons you're not normal," Fred grinned.
"That's why it says he'll pretend," George pointed out.
Harry could tell that Uncle Vernon was thinking it over, even if his teeth were bared and a vein was throbbing in his temple. Eventually he agreed, saying that if Harry behaved during the visit, then he'd sign it at the end of the week.
"Ah, well, it wouldn't have worked anyway then. He'd probably just go back on his word at the end of the week," Ted sighed.
"No," Harry disagreed. "He wouldn't, if only to keep me from following through should Marge come back. Or literally anyone else he didn't want me blabbing to. Not that it matters either way."
"True. You wouldn't have been allowed to Hogsmeade even if they'd signed the form because of Sirius, and now someone else can give you permission," Remus told him. Harry nodded.
Vernon wheeled around, pulled open the front door and slammed it so hard that one of the little panes of glass at the top fell out.
A few people snorted at that.
Harry didn't return to the kitchen. He went back upstairs to his bedroom. If he was going to act like a real Muggle, he'd better start now. Slowly and sadly, he gathered up all his presents and his birthday cards and hid them under the loose floorboard with his homework.
"Even muggles celebrate their birthday," Andromeda pointed out.
"Yeah, but I don't think a secure centre for incurably criminal boys would be the type of place you make friends who send you birthday cards," Harry said.
"Good point," Tonks winced.
Then he went to Hedwig's cage. Errol seemed to have recovered; he and Hedwig were both asleep, heads under their wings. Harry sighed, then poked them both awake.
"Bet Hedwig loved that," Ron chuckled.
"Nope. And she didn't like being told to clear off either."
"She clearly loves you very much and probably doesn't want to leave you alone there," Charlie smiled.
Harry told her she had to leave for a week. He suggested she go with Errol to Ron. He would write a note explaining.
"It probably would be good for Errol to have an escort all the way to Egypt as well," Percy muttered.
Hedwig's large amber eyes were reproachful, and Harry told her it wasn't his fault. It was the only way he'd be allowed to visit the village with Ron and Hermione. Ten minutes later, Errol and Hedwig (who had a note to Ron bound to her leg) soared out of the window and out of sight. Harry, now feeling thoroughly miserable, put the empty cage away inside the wardrobe.
Harry leant into Sirius slightly. He knew this chapter was just going to get worse and honestly, he didn't want to hear Marge's words again, especially considering Snape was the one reading. Hearing it in his voice, which often insulted Harry's father as Marge had done, would be just as bad as hearing it the first time. Why oh why had Snape, of all the people in the room, been the one to get this chapter? Oh yeah, because his life sucked.
But Harry didn't have long to brood. In next to no time, Aunt Petunia was shrieking up the stairs for Harry to come down and get ready to welcome their guest. He reached the hall and she snapped at him to do something about his hair.
"Good luck with that," Sirius chortled.
"Unless you've got a whole bottle of Sleakeazy around, that won't be happening," Remus smiled.
Harry couldn't see the point of trying to make his hair lie flat. Aunt Marge loved criticising him, so the untidier he looked, the happier she would be.
"Sounds like someone we know," Ron muttered, glancing over at Snape who sneered.
All too soon, there was a crunch of gravel outside as Uncle Vernon's car pulled back into the driveway, then the clunk of the car doors, and footsteps on the garden path. Petunia hissed at Harry to get the door. He did so with a feeling of great gloom in his stomach.
The readers all had a similar feeling.
On the threshold stood Aunt Marge. She was very like Uncle Vernon; large, beefy and purple faced, she even had a moustache, though not as bushy as his.
"Really? A moustache?" Tonks asked with a giggle. Harry nodded.
"This is going to be so much fun," Charlie muttered sarcastically.
"Hey, I blame you. You're the one who said the last chapter hadn't been too bad for a Dursley one," Tonks reminded him.
"This already happened! Whatever I said wouldn't make any difference," he protested.
"We can still blame you," Bill grinned.
In one hand she held an enormous suitcase, and tucked under the other was an old and evil-tempered bulldog.
"I take it that's the one that chased you up a tree?" Sirius scowled.
"Yeah," Harry grimaced. He really hated that dog.
Marge asked where her Dudders was, then calling him her neffy poo.
Most of the younger readers all snorted.
"It's no wonder that boy is so messed up with parents and an aunt like that," Ted murmured to his wife. She nodded in agreement.
"And with a school that encourages students to hit each other with sticks, I doubt he will learn any better there," she sighed.
Dudley came waddling down the hall, his blond hair plastered flat to his fat head, a bow-tie just visible under his many chins. Aunt Marge thrust the suitcase into Harry's stomach, knocking the wind out of him.
Sirius snarled.
"I'd prefer that to being smothered the way Dudley was," Harry assured him.
Then she seized Dudley in a tight one-armed hug and planted a large kiss on his cheek. Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley only put up with Aunt Marge's hugs because he was well paid for it, and sure enough, when they broke apart, Dudley had a crisp twenty-pound note clutched in his fat fist.
"He has to be paid to hug his own aunt?" Molly looked scandalised.
"It's the only thing that would make him walk all the way down the hallway and away from the tv and food," Ron snorted.
"I'd put up with Muriel if I got paid to do it," George grinned.
"Fred!"
"I'm not Fred," George rolled his eyes.
"Sorry George, but don't talk about Aunt Muriel like that."
Marge then greeted Petunia, striding past Harry to kiss her on the cheek. Vernon came in, smiling, and shut the door. He asked Marge if she wanted tea and what Ripper would want. Marge said he would have some tea from her saucer.
"Urgh!" Several people looked grossed out.
"Tea is bad for dogs!" Charlie exclaimed.
"As a supposed dog breeder, she should know that," Luna frowned.
They all trooped into the kitchen, leaving Harry alone in the hall with the suitcase.
"Works for me. I'd rather Marge forgot I was there more often," Harry muttered.
But Harry wasn't complaining; any excuse not to be with Aunt Marge was fine by him, so he began to heave the case upstairs into the spare bedroom, taking as long as he could.
"And it still wasn't long enough," he sighed.
By the time he got back to the kitchen, Aunt Marge had been supplied with tea and fruitcake and Ripper was lapping noisily in the corner.
All of the animal loves flinched.
"I hope she finished with it and is not planning on sharing with the dog," Andromeda said in disgust.
"Ripper had his own bowl with some of her tea in it."
Harry saw Aunt Petunia wince slightly as specks of tea and drool flecked her clean floor. Aunt Petunia hated animals.
"Well, at least someone else is suffering, even if only a little," Sirius muttered grumpily.
Vernon asked Marge who was looking after the other dogs.
"Hopefully someone who knows what they are doing," Charlie scowled.
"I know she has someone who usually helps her out, but I've never met him."
She stated that Colonel Fubster managing them. He was retired and she thought it good for him to have something to do. But she couldn't leave Ripper who pines if away from her.
"Honestly, animals usually have good taste. I'd have thought he'd want to get away from her," Charlie said.
"She had Ripper since he was born. He doesn't know any better," Harry told him grimly.
"No wonder he's so vicious. She's trained him that way," Bill rolled his eyes.
"Poor Ripper," Luna sighed sadly.
Ripper began to growl again as Harry sat down. This directed Aunt Marge's attention to Harry for the first time.
"Stupid dog," Sirius scowled.
She asked if he was still there.
"Obviously," Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Unfortunately," Fred scowled.
Harry agreed. She told him not to say 'yes' in an ungrateful tone, saying it was good of Vernon to keep him.
"Yeah. So 'good' of him," Ron spat, sarcastically.
She continued that she wouldn't have done it herself. He'd have gone straight to an orphanage if dumped on her doorstep.
"He probably would have been raised better in an orphanage," Remus muttered.
"But he wouldn't have the protection from Lily that saved his life in first year," Amelia reminded him. "As unfortunate as it is, Harry did gain something from it. There is no guarantee an orphanage would have better conditions."
"No guarantee it would be better than living in a cupboard under the stairs and having frying pans aimed at his head?" Sirius scowled angrily.
Harry really didn't appreciate having his life at the Dursleys discussed as much it was being currently, reading about it was bad enough, the extra discussions were highly annoying. He said as much quietly to Sirius who apologised and promised to try and keep his comments at a minimum.
Harry was bursting to say that he'd rather live in an orphanage than with the Dursleys, but the
thought of the Hogsmeade form stopped him. He forced his face into a painful smile.
"Good. Don't let her get to you on the very first morning. However trying she is," Kingsley nodded.
Marge told him not to smirk at her. She said he hadn't improved since she last saw him and had hoped school would knock some manners into him.
"He's the most well mannered out of everyone in that stupid house," Fred scowled.
"The bar isn't exactly high," George reminded him. Fred shrugged.
She took a large gulp of tea, wiped her moustache and asked where Vernon sent him. Vernon gave her the lie about St Brutus', saying it was a first-rate institution for hopeless cases.
"So, they should send Dudley instead," Charlie commented.
"Definitely a hopeless case if there ever was one," Bill agreed.
Marge asked Harry if they used a cane at St Brutus'. Harry paused, but Vernon nodded behind Marge's back, and he agreed. Then he felt he should do it properly before adding 'all the time'. She said this was excellent and that she wouldn't have this namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it.
If someone in that house deserves a beating, it is you," Sirius snarled. Then he squeezed Harry's arm apologetically.
She added that a good thrashing was needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred.
"Maybe they should have tried that on Dudley then. Maybe he'd be less of a brat," Tonks muttered.
"Unlikely. They believe he is a perfectly good child. They think his behaviour is acceptable, but Harry's good manners are what should be punished," Bill pointed out.
Marge asked if Harry had been beaten often. Harry agreed, saying he'd been beaten loads of times. She narrowed her eyes, stating she didn't like his tone. If he could speak of his beatings in such a casual manner, they weren't hitting him hard enough. She suggested Petunia write to the school and give them permission to use extreme force in Harry's case.
"She what?" Arthur asked, aghast.
"That's…that woman is horrible," Molly shook her head in disbelief that one family could be so awful.
"If this is the very first meal, I'm honestly surprised Harry lasted almost the whole week before blowing her up," Kingsley muttered.
"And I understand why a thirteen-year-old had such a big outburst of accidental magic," Amelia agreed quietly.
Perhaps Uncle Vernon was worried that Harry might forget their bargain; in any case, he changed the subject abruptly.
"That's something, I suppose," George said grimly.
He asked about the news.
"Really? Of all the topics!" Sirius groaned. Harry offered a commiserating smile.
As Aunt Marge started to make herself at home, Harry caught himself thinking almost longingly of life at number four without her.
"I don't blame you," Remus sighed.
"I can't believe anything actually makes their usual level of awfulness seem like a good thing," Ted shook his head.
"Well, if your options are bad or worse, you go for bad," Tonks said glumly.
Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia usually encouraged Harry to stay out of their way, which Harry was only too happy to do. Aunt Marge, on the other hand, wanted Harry under her eye at all times, so that she could boom out suggestions for his improvement.
"Merlin, it's like a week-long potions lesson," Ron grimaced. Severus glared at him.
"It's scary how alike Snape and Marge are when it comes to Harry," Fred noted. Severus moved his glare to Fred. It burned him even more he couldn't fully deny it.
She delighted in comparing Harry with Dudley, and took huge pleasure in buying Dudley expensive presents whilst glaring at Harry, as though daring him to ask why he hadn't got a present too.
"Like I'd fall for that," Harry snorted.
She also kept throwing out dark hints about what made Harry such an unsatisfactory person. On the third day she told Vernon he shouldn't blame himself for the way the boy turned out.
"You mean he can't take credit for Harry somehow turning out as such a polite, young man," Molly corrected.
"It is quite miraculous," Arthur agreed.
"That's all Harry," Remus smiled.
She continued that if something was rotten on the inside there was nothing anyone could do about it.
"We noticed. Clearly there is nothing anyone can do to fix that family," Fred sneered.
Harry tried to concentrate on his food, but his hands shook, and his face was starting to burn with anger. He forced himself to remember the Hogsmeade form and not to rise to the bait. However, Marge was still talking, saying that if there was something wrong with the bitch, there was something wrong with the pup.
It took people a few seconds to realise what Snape was saying, his teeth were gritted so hard as he spoke. Then there was a wave of outrage.
"How dare she!" Sirius snarled, flexing his fingers as if he could strangle Marge right there.
"That cow," Emmeline exclaimed.
"The only thing wrong with Lily was her unfortunate relation to Petunia," Remus scowled.
At that moment, the wine glass Aunt Marge was holding exploded in her hand. Shards of glass flew in every direction and Aunt Marge spluttered and blinked, her great ruddy face dripping.
"Time for Harry to leave," Charlie said worriedly.
Petunia squealed, asking if Marge was alright. Marge told her not to worry as she mopped her face. She said she must have squeezed it too hard and had done the same thing the other day.
"At least she has a ready-made excuse for that," Amelia said, relieved.
"How did she managed to break a glass by holding it too firmly?" Percy wondered.
"Who knows. As long as they aren't blaming Harry, who cares?" Fred shrugged.
"Marge isn't blaming Harry. The other two might," George pointed out.
But Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were both looking at Harry suspiciously, so he decided he'd better skip pudding and escape from the table as soon as he could.
"Did it work?" Remus wondered.
"Yeah. I think they wanted me to go as much as I wanted to leave."
Outside in the hall, he leaned against the wall, breathing deeply. It had been a long time since he'd lost control and made something explode.
"When did you last make something explode?" Fred asked interestedly.
"A few years before I started Hogwarts," Harry told him.
"What happened?" George questioned eagerly.
"I'll tell you later. I want to get this over with."
He couldn't afford to let it happen again. The Hogsmeade form wasn't the only thing at stake – if he carried on like that, he'd be in trouble with the Ministry of Magic.
"Not for accidental magic," Amelia assured him.
"So, I didn't just get away with it because of Sirius?" Harry asked.
"No. Although, there should have been an enquiry as to why you had such a big bout of accidental magic at your age, you shouldn't have gotten into trouble, regardless of circumstances."
"Ministry officials had to go to the house to fix Marge and none of them seemed to notice anything wrong with those people?" Charlie wondered.
"I guess they just assumed the anger was about the incident itself, not an underlying hatred of magic," Kingsley sighed.
"Not to mention they were probably afraid of adult wizards given what happened when Hagrid visited," Arthur added.
Harry was still an underage wizard, and he was forbidden by wizard law to do magic outside school. His record wasn't exactly clean, either. Only last summer he'd got an official warning which had stated quite clearly that if the Ministry got wind of any more magic in Privet Drive, Harry would face expulsion from Hogwarts.
"I will have that stricken from your record," Amelia told him. She already had a note to do just that somewhere on her very long list of things to be done once they returned.
He heard the Dursleys leaving the table and hurried upstairs out of the way. He got through the next three days by forcing himself to think about his Handbook of Do-it-Yourself Broomcare whenever Aunt Marge started on him.
Hermione smiled faintly.
This worked quite well, though it seemed to give him a glazed look, because Aunt Marge started voicing the opinion that he was mentally subnormal.
Several people snarled angrily.
Ron felt bad about how much joy he had taken from Harry blowing up his aunt. While he thought she deserved it, now more than ever, he hadn't realised just how much his best friend had put up with before it happened.
At last, at long last, the final evening of Marge's stay arrived.
Everybody tensed. They knew it was going to be awful. Even more awful than everything else they had already read because this cause Harry to snap, when he'd already put up with her abuse for almost a full week.
Aunt Petunia cooked a fancy dinner and Uncle Vernon uncorked several bottles of wine.
"Several bottles? There are only three of them able to drink alcohol," Molly frowned disapprovingly.
"And Petunia doesn't drink much. Marge and Uncle Vernon had at least two bottles each," Harry grimaced.
"Well, that won't help anything," Ted sighed.
They got all the way through the soup and the salmon without a single mention of Harry's faults; during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon bored them all with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making company; then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a bottle of brandy.
"I don't think more alcohol is necessary there," Kingsley frowned.
"Past a certain point I don't think it's going to matter. Unless they drink enough to actually pass out, which would be the best outcome. They are almost certainly already drunk before the brandy," Emmeline pointed out.
He asked if he could tempt Marge who had already had quite a lot of wine. She agreed to a small one but asked him to keep adding a bit more.
"How much did she have?" Remus wondered in horrified anticipation.
"A full glass."
Dudley was eating his fourth slice of pie. Aunt Petunia was sipping coffee with her little finger sticking out.
Draco rolled his eyes.
Harry really wanted to disappear into his bedroom, but he met Uncle Vernon's angry little eyes and knew he would have to sit it out.
"Damn, why?" Tonks groaned.
"Even if he'd let me leave, Marge would have wanted me to stay," Harry told her grimly.
Marge smacked her lips and placed her empty brandy glass back down.
"She drank the whole thing in one go?" Ted blinked, looking reluctantly impressed. Harry nodded.
She praised Petunia for the meal, saying she normally just had a fry-up as she had twelve dogs to look after.
"Really? Twelve? I hope she treats the rest of them better than Ripper," Charlie said.
"I wouldn't count on that. Although, maybe she just spoils Ripper with things that could kill him, as he's supposedly her favourite," Bill suggested.
She burped richly and patted her great tweed stomach.
Narcissa, Draco and Andromeda all wrinkled their noses in disgust.
She stated she liked to see a healthy-sized boy, winking at Dudley.
"Nobody in that house is healthy-sized," Molly tutted. "One doesn't eat enough, and the rest eat too much."
Marge continued that Dudley would be a proper-sized man like his father.
"Wow. How are these people so delusional?" Ron wondered.
"I've been asking myself that for years," Harry said dryly.
She agreed to a spot more brandy.
A few people winced at that.
Then she started on Harry. She jerked her head at him, who felt his stomach clench. The Handbook, he thought quickly. She stated he had a mean, runty look about him.
"I wonder why," Hermione stated sharply.
She continued that you got that with dogs, and she'd had Colonel Fubster drown a ratty one last year that was weak and underbred.
"She had a dog drowned?" Luna gasped, looking horrified.
"More importantly, did she just imply Harry should have been drowned?" Fred asked, horrified.
"I'm going to kill her!" Sirius snarled.
"No. You're not. I'm going to kill her first," Remus told him calmly, although his eyes had taken on a more amber hue like a wolf's.
"Nobody is killing anyone," Amelia stated, though she didn't look convinced about that. "They can all just rot in jail instead."
"But, even if the…Petunia and Vernon could be tried through the wizarding system as guardians of a wizard, Marge can't be," Tonks pointed out unhappily.
"If she doesn't know that tea is bad for dogs, I'm sure her breeding practice is probably illegal in some way. We can tip off the muggle police," Kingsley suggested. Honestly, even if it wasn't illegal, he was quite tempted to forge some evidence so it would appear to be anyway. It was the least she deserved.
"She's a terrible person, can we please move on," Harry begged. Thankfully, Snape seemed to agree with him and continued reading.
Harry was trying to remember page twelve of his book: A Charm to Cure Reluctant Reversers. He could still hear Marge saying how it all came down to blood. She assured Petunia she was saying nothing against her family, but her sister was a bad egg.
Severus' teeth were gritted once more, making it difficult to hear what he was saying, but they would understand enough.
Sirius and Remus both scowled furiously while the rest of the room's occupants muttered angrily to themselves.
She continued that they turn up in the best families. Then Lily had run off with a wastrel.
"James wasn't a wastrel!" Sirius shouted.
Harry was staring at his plate, a funny ringing in his ears. Grasp your broom firmly by the tail, he thought. But he couldn't remember what came next. Aunt Marge's voice seemed to be boring into him like one of Uncle Vernon's drills. Marge asked what Potter did as she helped herself to more brandy. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were looking extremely tense.
"If they were so worried they could have tried to put a stop to it. Told Harry to leave the table or something, seeing as they wouldn't tell that foul woman to shut up like they should," Ted said angrily.
Dudley had even looked up from his pie to gape at his parents. Vernon, half glanced at Harry as he stated that James was unemployed.
"He was in hiding to protect his family! And before that he was fighting in a war!" Sirius growled.
"They wouldn't have the first clue what James did even if he was working," Remus pointed out, trying to remain calm himself, which was becoming more and more difficult.
Marge said she expected it, calling him a no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger.
Snape's voice bore into Harry's head, not unlike Marge's and he fought to stop himself from covering his ears like a small child. A second later he wished he had as Sirius finally completely exploded into outraged yelling. Most of which wasn't even intelligible words, but incoherent, incandescent rage dotted with expletives that continuously had Molly screeching his name.
It took them several minutes, which was mostly the effort of Remus, to calm Sirius down enough for him to be removed to another room where he struggled to further calm himself down. Most of his rage wasn't necessarily at the specific insults, Snape had hurled far worse during their school years, but at the build up of the entire week. Which is how long the reading of this chapter had felt like. And the knowledge that all of this was being said about a dead couple, two of his best friends, in front of their orphaned son. All of it had tried his last nerve, spiralling into a familiar black rage that had helped him get through Azkaban, along with the knowledge of his innocence and his need for revenge.
Eventually, Remus managed to get through to him that they needed to support Harry through his, and the thought of his godson was the final kick he needed to at least get himself under some semblance of control.
They made it back into the reading room, to find everyone else was still just as outraged as Sirius at what had been said, especially that it was in front of Harry.
Harry, who was curled up on the couch, practically forcing himself into a small ball that was rocking gently. The Weasley twins were on either side of him with Ron kneeling in front of him while the others all vented their anger at the Dursleys to each other. Sirius immediately felt a wave of guilt. He'd put himself and his own emotions ahead of his godson. Again. It was just incredibly difficult. For twelve years he'd only been allowed negative emotions. He'd had to force himself not to think about Harry, except in terms of guilt, lest the memories and happy feelings be taken from him.
It was why, aside from a few brief glimpses such as the road near the Dursley's and the Quidditch game, Sirius hadn't sought out Harry throughout the last year. He'd had a hard time allowing himself the freedom to dwell on positive things, as well as being terrified of how he would be received. He hadn't known exactly what Harry had heard about him and it was easier to focus on his need for revenge, the main thing that had driven him to survive the last twelve years, than focus on Harry. It had been made worse by the dementor's presence all around the school which had meant he hadn't been able to really recover from his time in Azkaban. All year, despite being sort-of free, he'd still only been allowed negative emotions and he'd been forced to focus on his need for revenge to the exclusion of all else in order to survive.
At the shack, it had been clear Harry had heard and believed the worst of him, and it was easier to focus on Peter than the hurt he had felt at that, especially as he'd been struggling with the joy at finally getting a chance to actually talk to his godson for the first time. A few days in this room wasn't anywhere near enough to even truly begin sorting through his issues, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty whenever he screwed up. He already had enough worries about being a good enough parental figure to Harry without having emotional breakdowns all the time.
He sat down beside Harry, moving twin one out of the way, and gently prised him from his curled-up position. To his relief, Harry came willingly and sank against him, hiding his face in Sirius' chest. Ron gave him an approving nod and forced twin two to move so he could sit on Harry's other side.
Eventually they all calmed down enough to retake their seats.
"Maybe someone else should read the rest," Fred suggested. Ron nodded vigorously in agreement. Severus was more than happy to hand the odious task of reading to some other unfortunate soul, so held the book out to Filius who took it without complaint.
Harry stated that he was not. The table went very quiet. Harry was shaking all over. He had never felt so angry in his life. Vernon yelled for more brandy, having gone very white. He told Harry to go to bed.
"Bit late for that," Tonks muttered angrily.
Marge disagreed, telling Harry to go on. She asked if he was proud of his parents. They had gone and gotten themselves killed in a car crash, she suspected they were drunk. Harry interrupted, saying they hadn't died in a car crash. She screamed at him that he was a nasty liar and they had died in a car crash, leaving Harry to be a burden on their decent, hard-working relatives.
Everyone took a deep breath in an attempt to stop yet another outburst that they all knew was pointless, but they were all struggling with a deep-seated anger.
"No wonder Harry inflated her. She's lucky that's all he did, considering," Kingsley muttered grimly.
"As long as I have plausible deniability, I'm tempted to look the other way if they hex her to Hogwarts and back," Amelia replied.
"Harry's the burden? Harry?" Ron spat furiously.
"If we use magic to place pranks, like shrinking keys and other annoyances but her memory is wiped of any knowledge of magic, is that allowed?" Fred wondered through gritted teeth.
"No. Definitely still illegal," Arthur told him. "But any call outs to a muggle of the name Marge Dursley would be delayed for as long as possible." Both twins grinned, but there was no pleasure in them. It was pure malice.
She called him an insolent, ungrateful little, but she stopped speaking halfway through. For a moment, it looked as though words had failed her. She seemed to be swelling with inexpressible anger – but the swelling didn't stop. Her great red face started to expand, her tiny eyes bulged, and her mouth stretched too tightly for speech. Next second, several buttons burst from her tweed jacket and pinged off the walls – she was inflating like a monstrous balloon, her stomach bursting free of her tweed waistband, each of her fingers blowing up like a salami.
"Not bad. Better than she deserves but it's a start," Bill nodded. He was mentally going through all non-lethal yet inventively malicious curses he knew from Egypt that he could teach the twins.
Vernon and Petunia both yelled Marge's name at the same time as her body began to rise off the chair. She was entirely round, her hands and feet sticking out weirdly, as she drifted up into the air making apoplectic popping noises.
"How come you've never done that to Snape?" Fred wondered suddenly. "That would be awesome!"
"It most certainly would not," Severus told him icily.
"It wouldn't be worth my life, doing that to Snape," Harry pointed out.
"You didn't do it to that thing on purpose, it wouldn't be on purpose to Snape. I'm just curious as to how he hasn't provoked you badly enough to get a response yet," George said.
"Well, for one, he doesn't have quite the same level of extended exposure to Severus that he did to that woman. For another, when he sees Severus, he is at Hogwarts and using magic frequently, which makes accidental magic less likely. Part of the reason accidental magic occurs in younger children, aside from the fact that they haven't learnt control, is that they don't use their magic as frequently, so it builds up. It then explodes out during a time of high emotions. Usually, once they are taught control, and begin using magic on a daily basis, outbursts become less likely, but still possible, particularly during summers when no magic may be used," Filius explained. Hermione and Harry found his explanation particularly interesting, and even those that didn't were just glad for something different to focus on for a few moments. Unfortunately, he soon continued reading.
Ripper came skidding into the room, barking madly. Vernon yelled out 'no' while seizing one of Marge's feet in an attempt to pull her down again. Instead, he was almost lifted off his feet. Ripper then leapt forwards, sinking his teeth into Vernon's leg.
"Good," George said vindictively.
Harry tore from the dining room before anyone could stop him, heading for the cupboard under the stairs. The cupboard door burst magically open as he reached it.
"Did you open that windlessly and wordlessly?" Bill asked, surprised. Harry stared at him and shrugged.
"It might just be residual magic from such a large outburst," Filius mused. "But it's possible it was focused magic, like growing his hair back after a poor haircut. That's a lot more focused than usual accidental magic and may have been wandless magic."
"We'll test for wandless or wordless ability later," Moody grunted, looking at Harry who just nodded helplessly.
In seconds, he had heaved his trunk to the front door. He sprinted upstairs and threw himself under the bed, wrenched up the loose floorboard and grabbed the pillowcase full of his books and birthday presents. He wriggled out, seized Hedwig's empty cage and dashed back downstairs to his trunk, just as Uncle Vernon burst out of the dining room, his trouser leg in bloody tatters.
A few people smirked in grim satisfaction.
He bellowed for Harry to come back and put her right.
"Like he'd do that even if he knew how," Fred scoffed.
"Not a chance," Harry agreed.
But a reckless rage had come over Harry.
Everyone winced. Thankfully, such a large outburst of accidental magic meant he was unlikely to have another one, despite how angry he was.
He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his wand and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.
"Harry…" Remus said uncertainly. He certainly thought the Dursleys deserved whatever Harry did to them but knew Harry would have felt guilty if he caused them any true harm.
"It was just a threat; I wasn't going to curse him. Although mostly because I don't really know any good ones," Harry muttered.
"We'll teach you," Fred and George promised in unison.
"I'll teach you plenty too," Sirius vowed.
Harry stated that she deserved it.
Everyone nodded vigorously.
He repeated that she deserved what she got and warned Vernon to keep away from him. He fumbled for the catch on the door behind him. He added that he was leaving as he'd had enough. And next moment, he was out in the dark, quiet street, heaving his heavy trunk behind him, Hedwig's cage under his arm.
"That's it," Filius announced.
"Let's take a break," Minerva stated quickly.
They all broke up, going to vent their frustrations in their own ways. Sirius and Remus took Harry to another room. To their surprise, Harry didn't seem particularly angry, just frustrated and more than a little depressed.
"Are you…stupid question. How are you…is there anything we can do to help?" Sirius asked desperately. Harry offered him a wan smile.
"No. I just…hearing it once was more than enough. Twice was particularly unwelcome. Especially Snape's voice and then everyone getting so angry when they've never really cared before. They all just thought I was irresponsible or found it funny that I accidentally blew up my aunt. None of them ever asked why I'd done it, or cared. Now they are all angry on my behalf. It's a lot."
"That's fair. You've been constantly let down by so many people, us included," Remus sighed. "And I understand that seeing them all showing they care rather than just saying it and not proving it is a lot to take in. Hopefully that will get easier with time. I'm confident that pretty much every person in that room does care and will make sure you are never in a situation like that again."
"And if Snivellus ever starts on you or your dad in front of you I'll hex him so badly he…" Sirius began, but Remus cut him off with a sharp glare.
They stayed in the room a while longer, talking about the most trivial things to distract themselves. It was a little over half an hour before they returned to the room. Most people were already back and seated, although there were still many smaller discussions going on.
As soon as they emerged, the Weasley twins and Ron were standing up and hurrying over. While they didn't bombard Harry with questions as he thought they might, they did accompany them to the couch, sitting with them. Harry was between Ron and Sirius. George was on Ron's other side while Remus was on Sirius'. Fred decided to sprawl on the floor by Harry, Ron and George. They began telling him about all sorts of curses and hexes that could be used on the Dursley's, Marge in particular. While he would likely never use any of them, it did make Harry feel slightly better.
Once everyone was back, Filius retook the book and turned to the correct page.