SPECIAL: Conton City's Unofficial, Super-Ultra Contest of Will!

During certain periods, recognizable on Earth as the period where Spring ends and Summer begins, saiyans enter a state commonly referred to as... "Heat."

Although they're very clearly closer to primates than to any other mammal in terms of biological makeup, and therefore, shouldn't have anything remotely RESEMBLING an estrus cycle, it's speculated that this species, after a long while, "willed" this bizarre species-unique cycle "into existence" in order to compensate for their warring ways and rapid death tolls; likely in the same vain as the "Zenkai" phenomenon... except grosser. Saiyans had effectively made evolution "Their Bitch."

Occurring around a week before the female variant's monthly menstrual cycle... which is another horrific beast within itself... it sends saiyans into a state allotting for ease of mass reproduction. Their testosterone and estrogen levels shoot through the roof, and they're especially compelled to... plow each other's brains out, yes. No more big words, that makes things worse.

That's what happens in a natural setting, anyway.

In Conton City, saiyans have less need for such a "feature," and have a tad better control over themselves during this difficult time.

In their limit-seeking ways, in fact, they've even made sport from it.

"A~TTENTION ALL SAIYAN BOYS AN' GIRLS, YOU ARE BEING INFORMED THAT YES, IT IS IN FACT 'BOUT THAT TIME AGAIN!" A flashy Saiyan howled into the megaphone.

"Hey, what is he talking-"

"Shut up, listen first."

"WE ARE NOW IN THE VICINTY, THAT'S RIGHT, THE PRECISE VICINTY OF JUXTAPOSED-JOLLIES JUNE!" FROM HERE FORTH, IF YOU CAN'T HOLD IT IN FOR A MONTH MINIMUM, YOU ARE HEREBY, RIGHTFULLY DEEMED, A PUNK-ASS MONKEY!"

"SAY IT AGAIN!"

"A PUNK. ASS. MONKEY! YOU WILL NOT JACK THAT SHIT, YOU WILL NOT FLICK THAT SHIT, AND THY SHALL DRIVE OFF ANY ONCOMING TAIL UNTIL THIS PERIOD HAS ENDED!"

"well that doesn't seem so ba-"

"EDGING COUNTS TOO!"

"... no...!"

"GOOD LUCK, WARRIORS! IF YOU NEED IT, YOU'RE TRASH!"

And they were off. The mass self-control ritual had commenced.

At the lunch table, a saiyan boy rapidly tapped his foot on the floor and fingers on the table, desperately trying to focus on the mounds of both food and study material in front of him. Despite, his eyes periodically darted toward a girl of his race on the far, far side of the lunchroom - who, unbeknownst to him, was going through much the same - and each instance gave the giant vein going up his forehead more and more visibility.

"Dude, what gives?" a fellow with a giant sailfin on his head asked his saiyan bud. "Why're we chilling so far from the chicks? I thought you totally digged checkin' out hot babes wi-"

"STOP TALKING, YOU SEA SALT-HUFFING FUCKFACE!" he snarled incoherently, caving in his no-doubt-former friend's skull with a punch.

"Come ooooon!" A Majin girl groaned, as her Saiyan sempaolder classwoman frantically shuffled her feet across the arcade's dance pad, "You've been on that stupid game all day now! How about giving someone else a-"

With not a millisecond of delay, her legs still hammering down on the dance pad, the older girl snapped herself around.

"I will eat you."

Paralyzed in terror, the pink student stared.

"Right here."

The upbeat pop music in the background neared its crescendo.

"Right now."

Noticing how close the song was to ending, the Majin slowly nodded.

"O-on second thought, take your time," she squeaked, before bolting for the door.

The other two patrollers shared thousand-yard stares.

"W-wait, I swear I'll never touch another hot tub, jUST DON'T-" was all the time-travelling criminal could utter before his neck was snapped in twain.

The large Saiyan had single-handedly finished off an entire posse of history-hopping thieves in excessively-brutal fashion. On the ruins of their shattered, formerly super-advanced jacuzzies, he let forth a feral, planet-shaking roar to the sky.

The human turned to the namekian.

"This never happened."

"What? What didn't happen? Whaddarya talking about? Huh? What?"

"That'll do. That'll do."

Some saiyans took this heat season well. Too well...

Locard stared down.

"... bro what the fuck are you-"

"shh-sh-sh," his usually loud-mouthed Saiyan friend softly spoke in the garbs of a temple monk, levitating. "This fanfiction is rated T. Your tone disrupts the forces that be."

"... Sure takin' this June mess serious, huh."

"Ah, indubitably. I've denounced the ways of the world, and now follow the path of enlightenment. My chakras have been opened, much like the valiant ninja warriors of the Hidden Leaf..."

"man what the hell is the hidden lea-"

"And I've been granted untold knowledge of the infinite cosmos as a result."

"Oh, you on some shit that you don't have any business taking."

"For example, my unenlightened colleague, in an earlier chapter of this fanfiction, the woman formerly referred to as 'Shau Mei' before OP found out that Shau meant nothing in Mandarin, was also called a 'scarlet shinobi' by the boy himself. Despite, however, this character's roots being inspired by Chinese history, not Japanese."

Bro, what the...

"Bro, what the... K-know what, I'll talk to your cooky ass after this blows over."

"I've noticed that you do not share the same fidgety temperaments as others of our species. How can this be?"

"I jacked off."

"... pardon?"

Locard shrugged. "I started losing focus, so I jacked off. Only month where I do it. You weird muhfuckas take this dumbass shit too serious, that's the issue."

"... Disgusting. To quote the Uruk tale 'The Epic of Gilgamesh,' I say to you, 'Don't fuckin' talk to me, you broke-ass mongrel.'"

Locard shook his head. "Whatever, see you next month."

"I also know the OP's true name. It's Qu-"

Our curious saiyan buddy-boy died of natural anvil-related causes soon after going too far. Knowledge comes at a price, who woulda thought.

Anyway, not all saiyans would need to resort to drastic measures in such turbulent times.

"You seem to be managing well, dear boy!" Ceushius cheerfully observed.

Voshyo scoffed. "Of course. A ruler leads by example. And this heart belongs only to one other in this world."

"Yourself, I'm guessing." The old musai knew more, but he preferred not to dwell on such a touchy topic. Voshyo wouldn't show his appreciation.

"Regardless, did you really think one like myself could ever fall to such barbarism?"

"Barbarism? Of all things, THIS is what you'd class as-"

"Yes, Barbarism. Such... disgusting acts should be called as such."

"... Ah, I see! You're what they'd call a prude, then!"

"WHAT!? Of course not, I just..." The ambitious young man's face actually flashed a hue of red. "Such manners shouldn't be treated so... casually... it's obscene!"

The bull-horned being's low chuckle further pissed him off. "What an odd-shaped chink in your ego."

"E-ENOUGH OF YOUR PERVERSE MIND GAMES, DAMN YOU! DON'T FOLLOW ME!" He yelled as he walked off.

And some resorted to the obsessively-drastic.

"A~rchi~!" Kora playfully lulled against Archi's arm. "Stop ignoring me~!"

The latter sat on the rock as if it were his bench in a holding cell, the minute before his execution date. Every muscle he had - yes, that one too, he wore baggy sweat pants and a jockstrap for a reason - bulged to the brink of exploding, as he pursed his lips.

"Come o~n, I'm bo~red!" she groaned, rolling across his lap. "Let's do something fun!"

He probably would've handled it better if it were literally anyone else, but Kora did things to him. And she only ever acted so uncharacteristically flirty in this specific month. Archi was reaching breaking point, steadily falling down as his blood pressure rose like a phoenix; quite simply, he was going over and under.

Somewhere else, Cooler sneezed.

"You know..." Kora picked herself up using the suffering boy's neck, "I wouldn't mind if you made out with me right now..."

She got into his ear, his teary eyes pleading her not to.

"Master Archi."

"TIME!"

Tarubei, off to the side, hit a stopwatch.

"BY CHRONOA'S GRACE, DEAR ARCHI HAS GROWN BY 5 SECONDS SITHEN YESTERDAY'S MIGHTY BOUT OF ENDURANCE! JOY OVERWHELMS ME!"

Kora jumped back in disgust. "WHAT THE HELL, ME CALLING YOU 'MASTER' IS WHAT BREAKS YOU!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?"

"N-N-NO! TH-THAT'S NOT-I-YOU WERE IN MY EAR AND-"

"HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING MORE PERVERTED EVERY DAY? JEEZ, GET HELP, SICKO!"

"THIS IS HELP!" he wailed, before running off.

Kora watched him walk off, then sighed, hiding her face. "Why am I having fun doing this? Gods, I'm the one who needs help..."

And some were simply too stubborn to give in to something they didn't understand.

Halfbloods were particularly frequent cases of this.

For example, these two.

Dina aggressively sighed, on a bench.

Kazikum groaned, on the same bench.

"...So, apparently, like, this thing rolls about once a year, where saiyans get horny for reasons and whatever, right?"

"I don't give a shit."

"Right? Neither do I. I'm just... annoyed, though. Like, constantly. I'm being driven up a damn wall!"

"I don't give a shit."

"I dOn'T gIvE a ShIt," Dina lightheartedly parroted, mimicking his scratchy voice. "Yeah, I get it."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... the fuck are you wearing?"

"Hn?"

"It's... perfume, or some shit."

Dina sniffed herself. "What are-what are you even on about? I'm not wearin' anything, I smell fine."

Kazikum looked at her as if seeking out a lie on her face, offending her.

"Oh, PISS OFF YOU... you... don't smell half bad yoursel-is that cologne?"

The boy chuckled. "You can't even say 'colon' right, what a dumbass."

Dina gave him a look.

Then her eyes dramatically widened.

"Wait... Oh my..."

A frown crept down her face.

"Am I a bloody cat now? Why the fuck am I smelling pheromones!?"

"is that what it's called?"

Dina looked back at Kazikum, the latter displaying yet another shit-eating grin.

"Smells like shit, you should dump it while you still can."

"... you're doin' that on purpose."

He shrugged. Dina's face twitched into a forced smile.

"... well guess what? I, for one, found that funny."

Kazikum dropped his toothy grin. Annoyingly enough, a bit of it persisted as a smirk.

"Oh really?"

Dina smirked as well.

"Mh-Hm. Hilarious, even."

"That joke was awful. Meaning you've got one shit sense of humor."

"Or maybe YOU are too stupid to see your comedic potential. MAYBE you're sorely lacking in self-confidence."

"Then how about you egg me on in front of a fucking audience, if you think I'm so damn funny?"

"MAYBE I will! MAYBE once you made it big, I'd go to your STAND-UP shows as well!"

"MAYBE I'D DRAG YOUR ASS ON STAGE AND USE YOU AS THE BUTT OF EVERY JOKE!"

"MAYBE I'D WILLINGLY OBLIGE TO THAT! MAYBE WE'D HAVE GREAT CHEMISTRY TOGETHER!"

"MAYBE I'D TAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER AND WE'D MAKE IT A FUCKING DUET!"

"MAYBE I'D LOVE THE IDEA OF THE TWO OF US RUNNING OUR OWN GIG TOGETHER!"

"MAYBE WE'LL SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN ONCE WE'VE HAD ENOUGH SO YOU CAN HEAR MY JOKES UNTIL YOU'RE A CORPSE!"

"MAYBE I'D CHERISH EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF MY MIDDLE-AGE LIFE LISTENING TO YOUR SHITE JOKES EVERY DAY AND LAUGH AT EACH ONE ALONGSIDE OUR CHILDREN UNTIL I FALL DEAD IN YOUR WEEPING ARMS!"

"MAYBE I'D MAKE SURE THE LAST THING YOU EVER HEAR FROM YOUR WRINKLED HALF-DEAF EARS AS I'M OVER YOUR BEDSIDE IS ONE OF MY STUPID FUCKING JOKES!"

"MAYBE I'D ASK FOR IT AS A SINGLE TEAR GRACEFULLY FALLS FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE, AS I REMINISCE ON THE FIRST TIME I EVER HEARD YOUR GOD-AWFUL MUSINGS SEEP FROM THAT STUPID SEXY MOUTH OF-"

They suddenly paused.

Out of nowhere, they'd gotten dangerously close to each other.

"uh..."

"..."

"Fucking pheromones..." they both cursed as they backed into their separate bench edges again.

By a not-very far water stand, Wabi shakily downed a glass.

"(How do people like that function...)"

And then there's Zinco.

Now 14, he's only-now beginning to experience such a phenomena.

"W-wha!?" Kaza squealed, as she was suddenly embraced by Zinco.

"Mh."

However, Zinco is a truly unique case.

"Huh?" Ceushius gasped, as he was suddenly embraced by Zinco.

"Mh."

He's simply so stupid that he has no idea how to interpret these feelings. And yet, he freely resists his instincts to pursue compatible females.

"The hell is this!?" Neoru sputtered, as he was suddenly embraced by Zinco.

"Mh."

So ever since he's gotten out of bed, he interpreted these emotions as "Love": In the broadest way imaginable. And so, he believed the only way to rid of the foreign feeling within was to express love. To anyone he was so-much-as vaguely familiar with.

"HEY, ZINCO BUDDY, I GET THE TOUCHY-FEELY THING SAIYANS LIKE TO DO AROUND THIS TIME, BUT UH, I'VE GOT PLACES TO BE, SO IF YOU COULD...!" Akaki happily stated as he screamed in a psychotic rage inside the recesses of his mind.

"Mh."

Though not everyone was very accepting of this love.

Voshyo's outstretched palm blocked Zinco face-first. Still, the boy's legs continuously walked forward across the ground.

"..."

"Mmmmmmmmmh..."

By all accounts, Trunks should've loved this time of the year. Due to the boom in productivity caused by rowdy patrollers desperate to take their minds off "things," more stuff was getting done. Besides, he was old and experienced enough to have perfect emotional control during this period.

So what was the problem?

"Oh, come on," Trunks muttered to himself, reading a depraved letter of confession from someone young enough to be his daughter that'd slipped into his office.

He shook his head, and then opened the door.

"OH COME O-"

He was promptly flooded with love letters.

"It's... not even... Valentine's Day..."

He wasn't gonna read them all.

Not this year. Never again.

Yo! OP here!

Not much to say here, so I'll just talk about a small thing from last chapter:

Myouman: higher-end Saibaman variants have name themes like "Jinko- (Artificial)" and "Tennen- (Natural)," so I picked something that kinda fit that motif: Myō (Translatable as "Unusual.") IDK why I didn't name them Fushimen, after Fushizen - unnatural - but whatever, I was sleepy and stupid.

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. I don't know basic biological facts.

But yeah. That's about it. See ya.