Chapter 40: Reverse Psychology

My feet pounded against the forest floor as I ran through it, following my nose to track the scent of blood. Alice and I were hunting—it had been two weeks since Paul and my argument and I was already missing him. It was the first time I'd hunted since the fight and my throat was on fire. Being away from Paul didn't help with my thirst.

Edward was on high alert and had basically decreed that none of us leave the house so that we could protect Bella. Tensions were high in the Cullen household and it didn't help that Bella had begun to drink human blood to satiate the baby's thirst.

It seemed as though my self control relied on Paul's presence, so watching someone sip human blood out of a cup with a straw was far too much for me. Alice had demanded that Edward let us go hunting because she'd seen how badly my thirst was affecting me. He'd reluctantly agreed, allowing us to hunt in groups of two together so that the house wouldn't be left undefended.

Alice was frustrated. She couldn't see what was going to happen to Bella because she wasn't familiar with the fetus inside of her. It was clouding Alice's visions and preventing her from seeing anything, but rather than just black clouding her visits like with the wolves, her visions were blurry and hazy. I noticed that she would hover around Jacob or Seth whenever they were around because the black void could soothe her head.

When she wasn't hovering around the wolves, she and I spent a lot of time in the attic together. We'd talk about everything—what the future held for us, the baby situation, and our lives before we met each other. It was nice to be able to spend time with her—I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed Alice's company.

I hadn't called Paul. Every single day I stared at my phone, willing myself to just push the button and call him. I'd chickened out every single time and tossed my phone away from me. All I wanted was to hear his voice again. All I wanted was to be in his arms again and kiss him and…

I was so lost in thought that I hadn't even noticed that Alice wasn't with me anymore. I stopped running and turned back, seeing that she was fifteen feet behind me.

"I can't go any further," she said. "You're in La Push."

"Shit, sorry!" I said, starting to walk back to her, but I stopped as soon as I heard a low growl from the tree-line.

Alice's expression changed slightly and she said, "I'll give you two some privacy."

She ran off and I felt exceptionally stupid as I turned to face him. How had I not noticed that I'd crossed into La Push? I could tell over the course of the past couple of weeks that Alice had wanted to talk to me about him, but she'd stopped herself. I'd been aggressively avoiding talking about him with her and anytime the conversation got remotely close to him or us I'd change the subject.

But now it was time to face the music.

He was in wolf form and staring at me. I met his eyes evenly, waiting for him to transform so we could have the conversation I'd been avoiding.

"What?" I demanded, losing patience. He transformed into human form and swiftly pulled on a pair of shorts that were attached to his leg with a cord. He loomed over me and I met his eyes evenly. "If you aren't going to say anything, I'm leaving."

"You're eyes are so dark," he whispered.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't interrupted my hunting…"

"Natalie, I am so sorry," he said.

"You made it very clear where you stand," I said. "Obviously we don't see eye to eye on this."

"It shouldn't come between us!" he growled.

"With something like this, Paul, there's good reason for it to!" I snapped. "She's a person, Paul. I can't believe you'd be willing to kill her because of something you know nothing about! You should just keep your nose out of it! This has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do to me!" he said. "This town is my home and this thing could be a danger to the people who live here. It's my job to protect them from that."

"We don't even know what's going to happen! It could be completely fine."

"And it could be destructive," he said. "You're willing to take that chance?!"

"You're willing to commit a murder without even knowing what will happen?"

"That's rich coming from you," he retorted.

I took a step backwards, shocked into silence and recoiling from him. I couldn't believe he'd said that to me. Was that all he thought of me? I thought he'd at least understood where I was coming from, that as much as he hated what I'd done that he understood it.

But for him to say that…

"Nat, I'm sorry," he said, realizing what he'd said. "I…I said that in anger and I didn't mean it."

"But you still said it," I whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said, holding my chin and searching my eyes. "I really don't want to argue with you."

I was going to snap back at him for what he'd said, but looking into his eyes made me concerned. He looked completely exhausted—he had dark circles under his eyes and he'd let his facial hair grow in again to a short scruff. "Why…why haven't you been sleeping?"

"Sam's been working us hard and…I've missed having you with me. I don't sleep well without you." I took a deep breath, trying not to crack, but I felt my willpower slowly draining from me. I wanted more than anything to throw myself into his arms and promise that it'd be okay.

But…I couldn't. I kept my feet planted where they were.

"This baby is putting more stress on us than you think," he said. "Come on, Natalie, come back, please."

I wanted to so badly. "I need to hunt."

I went to push past him, but he grabbed my arm and pressed me against a tree so I was trapped between his body and the trunk. Anger and desire burned through my veins at the same time, but anger was at the forefront.

"Let go of me," I growled.

"No."

"Paul, I will snap your wrist if you don't let go of me."

"It'll heal," he said without missing a beat. "Please, Natalie, come back to me. Come home."

I so badly wanted to kiss him. I wanted to melt into his arms and kiss him with everything I had in me. I was sure he could see the desire in my eyes and he bent down and kissed me.

When our lips touched, everything else melted away and I forgot why we were fighting. For just a few precious seconds, everything was normal again.

He broke away from me all too soon, and I almost grabbed him and kissed him again.

"Come home, Nat," he whispered, brushing a piece of hair away from my face. "Come home to me and we'll figure this shit out."

"This is bigger than just us, Paul" I whispered. "I…I can't do that to them. They'll think I'm betraying them."

"But you want to come back," he said. "I know you do, I can see it."

"I do," I whispered. "But I…I can't. I can't turn my back on them. Just like you can't turn your back on the pack." I took a deep breath. "I should get back to the Cullens. They might need me."

"I need you," he said, caressing my cheek.

"Don't guilt me."

"I"m not trying to," he said. "I'll go against the pack for you."

"What?"

"I need you, Natalie, I need you like I need to breathe," he said. "I'll go against the pack for you. I'll…I'll sit this one out for you." He took a deep, shaky breath. "You are my world and I would do anything for you. I'm not going to let go of you."

"I don't want to be let go," I whispered.

"I'm not letting go, Nat, I'm not going to lose you again," he said. "We can work through this. You know how I feel about that baby, but I'm willing to go against Sam for you. I'm willing to just sit this one out for you."

"You'd do that?" I whispered.

"Yes, my love, I would," he said. "I want you to come back to me."

"Paul! What are you doing?"

The sound of Sam's voice made Paul jump. He turned away from me and faced Sam, concealing me behind his back I peeked around Paul's arm to see Sam approaching us and looking livid.

I took a deep breath to brace myself—I knew this wouldn't end well. Sam was probably the last person I wanted to deal with right now.

"We were talking," Paul said through clenched teeth.

"I heard what you said," Sam said. "If you want to go against me, go join Jake's pack. But you and I both know what that thing is going to do to this town. I know how you really feel. I've got a direct line into your head. She doesn't." That stung but I didn't let it show. I wasn't going to allow Sam to see me crack. "Our pack is shrinking Paul. I can't lose anyone else. You're either with me or you're not. Make your decision now."

"It would be wrong to kill her," Paul said, making hope flare in my chest. Was he really about to go against him?

"You'd abandon your brothers for a vampire?" Sam demanded, spitting the word.

Snap. Anger replaced the hope that had flared in my chest. "Go with him, Paul. I'm not going to stand here and make you choose because you'll be miserable either way." I turned to Sam. "I may not have a direct line into his head, but I can still understand the sacrifice he's making."

"I'm not leaving," he said.

"Paul, go with him," I insisted. "This isn't fair to you."

"I am not leaving you."

"Then I'm leaving you," I said, heart breaking. "Goodbye, Paul."

"No, Natalie—"

Before he could finish what he was saying, I'd run off. Once I made it back into Forks, I collapsed against a tree, holding my head in my hands. Tearless sobs erupted from my chest loud enough to get Alice's attention. I felt her arms circle me and she held me tightly against her. After I'd recomposed myself, she and I continued our hunt. She didn't ask me any questions, but I was sure she could guess what had happened. Either that, or she knew better than to ask because she knew I wouldn't tell her anyway.

Just as we approached the Cullens' house, I noticed a figure out of the corner of my eye. I stopped walking and turned, seeing that the figure was standing about twenty feet away from Alice and me. Immediately, I could tell that it was a spirit. It was an elderly woman with jet black hair and angular features.

She looked like Paul.

She met my eyes with an urgent expression on her face and she motioned me towards her and I stood frozen.

"Natalie?" Alice asked, grasping my arm. "What's wrong?"

"There's a spirit over there," I said. The woman motioned motioned to me again. "I should deal with this."

She sent a worried look my way. "Are you sure? You've been through a lot today."

"If I ignore her, she'll just follow me," I muttered.

She put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Call me if you need me, okay?"

I nodded and she went into the house. I took a deep breath and began to walk towards the spirit, keeping my guard up. She looked like she desperately needed to talk to me.

"Who…who are you?" I asked when I was only a few feet in front of her.

"My name is Margaret Lahote," she said. "I'm Paul's grandmother."

"Oh," I said. "Pleasure to…to meet you."

"I am aware of what happened between you and my grandson," she said. There was no judgement in her voice, but I couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed anyway. "I know that he can be difficult sometimes—he's a stubborn boy with a bad temper, but you need to stick with him."

"What?"

"He needs you. You're good for him," she said. "You don't realize how much you've helped him. Don't give up on him, he loves you. You mean more to him than the pack and that's a big step for someone to take. His grandfather couldn't do it and neither could his father."

I chewed on my lip. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Listen to your heart."

I laughed humourlessly. "My heart doesn't work."

"Just because it doesn't beat doesn't mean you can't love," she said. "You know what you need to do."

"Wait—is there anything you'd like me to tell him?"

"Tell him that I'm proud of him and that he's strong."

"I will," I said quietly.

"Goodbye, Natalie, be good to him."

With that, she disappeared and I was left alone outside of the Cullens' house. I sat down on the steps, not wanting to go inside. I didn't feel at home there—I felt so much more at ease at Paul's apartment.

I wanted to run right there and talk to him.

"Go see him," urged a velvety voice quietly.

I turned to see Edward approaching me. "No, I can't do that."

He sat down next to me. "I know how you feel about him and if this was between Bella and me, I'd do anything to get her back."

"I wish I could," I said. "But I saw how much it hurt him to make the choice, so…I made it for him. Even if I had to sacrifice my own happiness for it."

"Not to overstep, but he did tell you that he was going to choose you."

"But it's his life," I insisted. "He agrees with Sam's pack, even if he's saying that he'd choose me. He's not making his own choice—he's only thinking about me."

"Which shows how much he cares for you," he said.

"He shouldn't have to give the pack up just for me," I insisted.

"He could just sit out," Jacob said. I hadn't even realized that he'd approached us as well. "We can take the rest of Sam's pack if they try anything. Paul won't join me—he'd probably sit out before he did that."

"That almost happened," I said quietly. "He told me he was willing to go against Sam for me but I wouldn't let him."

"I can't see him actually leaving Sam," he said. "He and Jared will stick by him no matter what. They won't join me—they're too important to his pack. He wouldn't allow it even if they tried."

"He can't do that!" I said. "It's their choice! Sam even told Paul to leave his pack and join you."

"Reverse psychology," Edward said. "It may not have worked on Paul, but it worked on you. Sam knew how reluctant Paul would be and he used that to his advantage to get under your skin."

"Yeah, who knew that Sam was so smart?" Jacob said with a laugh.

"I understand why you're so reluctant to go and see him. You think it means you're turning your back on us, but I can assure you that you aren't," Edward said. "We get it."

"And besides, we know how imprints work," Jacob added. "We know what it's like. You're not abandoning anybody—hell, for vamps imprints probably work both ways and being away from him is just as hard as it is for him to be away from you."

"Guys stop," I said. "The decision has been made. I'm not going to stop that. Paul knows where he has to stand I know where I do. Maybe after this mess, we'll be able to go back to normal, but who knows?"

"Go see him," Edward urged. "You know it's what you need."

"Natalie, before I broke away from them, I had a direct line into his head," Jacob said. "He really cares about you and I can almost guarantee that this whole thing is driving him crazy. Go see him."

I looked between the two of them and took a deep breath. "Maybe. I don't know."

"Go for a walk," Edward suggested. "It'll help you clear your head."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll do that. See you guys later."

I stood up and walked into the forest, mind whirling with all the conversations I'd just had. The visit from Paul's grandmother had shaken me. I didn't want to go see him, but I knew that I needed to.

I slowly made my way to his apartment and went upstairs. I still had my key, but I was reluctant to use it. I hesitated before knocking, took a deep breath, and knocked.