The difficulties involved in dealing with foreign physical cash rarely seem to come up. Well, they're coming up now.
Thanks again to everyone who's tagging along to see where things are going. Let's now get back to our undercover fish out of water story...
Chapter 8 - Wind of Change
This was turning out to be a long flight. Way longer than it had any right to be. 10 hours over the Atlantic had been easy, despite catching at least some Friday morning classes before leaving, what's an hour with a window seat compared to that?
What Ron hadn't counted on was that Kim would be snuggling up to him as much as she could without the flight attendants getting anxious about safety. Great acting, KP, but I'm definitely not a good enough actor to make this work without things getting awkweird. For once, he was the one who needed a distraction. An English bureaucrat wouldn't have been his first choice, but Ron did know better than anyone about the value of timing, and the lousy show on the overhead monitors really wasn't going to cut it.
"… so that's how me and KP got into the whole restaurant consultancy business."
"Fascinating story, I knew a chap who was put on gardening leave and actually turned that into a business. Worked out better for everyone, he asked far too many inconvenient questions in his reports…"
"Yeah, just give us a call if you ever decide to start a restaurant," Ron said. He figured that was the polite thing to say, and that it would never actually come up in the future.
The conversation was interrupted by the captain's announcement over the PA system that the flight would soon arrive in Brussels.
"Hey, KP, we'd better put down the armrest again, the flight attendants are doing the rounds again." Against the urging of half his being, and to the relief of the other half, Ron was going to put some space between himself and Kim.
"Itching to get rid of me already?"
"Of course not, just looking out for everyone's safety," Ron answered with a nervous laugh.
The aircraft continued its approach and Ron looked out the window, not at anything in particular, but vaguely appreciating the scenery. The weather was nice, with only a few clouds in the area. The crew did another round as they descended and the pilots announced the ride might be bumpier during the last phase of the flight, leading Kim to finally detach from Ron's left arm. After a few minutes, the plane was low enough that landing had to be imminent – a fact confirmed by the airport's perimeter fence passing by, then a queue of other aircraft waiting to enter the runway.
The landing was little bit hard, but the weirdest moment was when a group three or four rows in front immediately started clapping. Kim and Ron looked at each other, but neither had an answer.
Shortly after vacating the runway, music started playing over the PA system.
"Dude, why are they playing classical music over the speakers?"
"Well, it's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony."
"I know that, Barkin made sure of it…" Ron said glumly. "But why Beethoven?"
"Well, the airline is no doubt celebrating today's enlargement of the European Union by playing the Anthem of Europe, which is essentially the final movement of the Ninth Symphony. The British embassy in Brussels is holding a reception to celebrate the occasion, the Foreign Office are awfully proud of themselves. Ten countries in one go, quite the success story."
"Because of what it means for freedom and democracy in Europe?" Kim asked. "I remember my dad sitting me down in front of the TV when the Soviet Union collapsed."
"Good times…" Ron reminisced.
"Actually, I think the Foreign Office are more interested in all the chaos that the Germans, French and Italians are going to have to contend with. That's their primary driver when deciding the country's European policy."
Kim was visibly disappointed with the answer and the cynicism that drove it. Ron was not particularly surprised and figured a change of topic was in order.
"Hey, Bernard, do you have bags to pick up?"
"Yes, I've spent three days at the ECB lobbying Jean-Claude on behalf of Her Majesty's government to have them print more Euro banknotes in the UK. Working up those brownie point, you know?"
"Yeah…" Ron felt Rufus move around in his pocket and whispered to him, "Amp down, buddy, brownie points, not brownies."
The naked mole rat's disappointment was palpable as he quieted down. Soon they were able to deboard the plane. Kim and Ron followed Bernard's lead, as he seemed to know the way and didn't stop to check any signs, and they quickly arrived at the bag drop area. Ron put on a tough guy show by picking all their bags off the conveyor himself, which Kim seemed to find at least somewhat amusing. The group headed past the customs area, and the two teens continued to follow Bernard until they arrived at what seemed to be an unassuming passenger van with red license plates.
"I was expecting something fancier," Ron whispered to Kim.
"So not the drama, beats a taxi any day," she answered.
When the van's sliding door was opened for them, they saw that the plain exterior hid a rather luxurious interior, not unlike a limousine. They took their seats and Ron fell asleep before they had even crossed the airport's perimeter.
Ron heard Kim's voice, "Wake up, Ron…"
"Huh?"
As he slowly came to, Kim insisted, "Come on, we're almost there, head in the game…"
Less than a minute later, the van had stopped in front of their hotel. Kim went ahead to deal with the check-in and Ron helped unload their stuff – two large bags and two smaller carry-on trolleys.
"Well, thanks for the ride, Bernard, and see you around!"
"Oh, it was my pleasure, do give me a call if you're ever in London."
"Will do," Ron said as he extended his hand to shake Bernard's. A bellhop had shown up to collect the bags and they were now loaded onto a hotel trolley. He joined Kim at the reception desk.
"Almost done here, our travel agent did a great job, as always."
"Wade's the man…"
The concierge returned to the front desk with keycards in hand.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. and Mrs. Parker," she said in a light French accent, "here are your keys, your Room is 422, you can take the elevator on your left, and I'll have someone bring up your bags."
"Please and thank you, have a nice day."
"Enjoy your stay, and please dial 100 on your phone if you need anything."
They took the elevator to the fourth floor and found their room near the end of the hallway. Kim inserted the key card and pulled it back out, the lock flashed a green light and she opened the door. The room was more or less as Ron expected it – decently sized and with a nice couch. Less expected was the heart on the single, large bed, made up of towels that contrasted against the dark bedspread.
"I guess Wade mentioned the honeymoon thing when booking the hotel…" Ron commented.
"So not the drama. I was half expecting something crazy, like a floral arrangement."
Kim and Ron settled in, taking a few minutes to inspect the room and catch their breath. Kim set up the Kimmunicator on the desk as the bellhop knocked on their door to deliver their luggage. Ron fumbled around with his wallet for a moment searching for a suitable tip and settled on the smallest banknote he could find – a 5 banknote. The boy – he couldn't be much older than Ron – was delighted by the generous tip and told Ron to ask for Marcel if he needed anything.
"Well, here's our first culture shock moment," Ron announced after closing the door, "the smallest bill they have here is a fiver. So I guess I just tipped the guy six bucks."
"Still cheaper than a cab would have been, but let's take that a lesson learned. We need coins." Kim answered, then pointed at a second chair she had pulled up from the corner of the room. "Have a seat, I'm going to call Wade."
Ron did as instructed and Kim started a call. Wade appeared on the screen.
"Hey guys, hope your flights went well!"
"They were fine, Wade. So what's the sitch?"
"Good news and bad."
Kim and Ron exchanged glances, the mission had barely started and already there was bad news.
"Bad news is that the whole 'infiltrate GECC headquarters' thing is a total no-go. Their physical security is way tighter than it has any right to be, you'd need a shapeshifter master locksmith computer genius to access what we need."
"Dude, we just spent 12 hours on planes and another six hours in airports, and now you're saying we wasted our time?"
"Well, that's where the good news comes in. We're still working on the details, but a GECC exec will be attending a reception at the British embassy and the TI guys think that'll be a softer target, which you might be able to infiltrate."
"Booyah, the Ron factor strikes again!" Ron got up and celebrated what, for once, was indeed dumb luck. "Give it up for the Ronman!"
"What's going on…?"
As Ron continued to flail around, Kim tried to dispel the confusion on the other end of the line, "We met a guy who can be our ticket to get in there. Does the embassy need a new chef?"
"Wha…?" Wade answered with much confusion in his voice. "Uh, I guess I can put them in the market for one."
"Do it, and make sure all chefs in Brussels are otherwise engaged. We'll probably be getting a call in a hour."
"I'd say 90 minutes, KP. Enough time to grab a bite to eat. "
"Lemme guess, the Bueno Nacho we passed two blocks down?"
"You read my mind, KP!"
"Uh, guys?"
"It's fine, Wade," Ron answered, "we'll call you after lunch!"
After a short walk, and after minor difficulties dealing with unfamiliar currency, Kim and Ron sat down at a booth with their food, plus extras for Rufus. They looked at each other for a moment and simultaneously said, "Feels different somehow."
Naturally, Kim quickly followed up with, "Jinx, you owe me a soda!"
"Aww, man, at this rate I'll need to start a soda factory just to pay you. If I'd known, I wouldn't have started this back in the day…"
"Look at the bright side, soda doesn't accrue interest."
"I guess," was Ron's unenthusiastic answer. He took a bite out of his Naco, with a renewed sense of urgency as he saw Rufus had just about gobbled up all his food. "Hmm, tastes just like the original."
"The salad's better than the ones they have at home… Hey, which one of us picks up the phone?"
"Huh, good question. Tell you what, whoever's guess was closest wins – we left the room at, what, 1:20?"
"Sounds about right."
"So, he calls before 2:35, you pick up, after that I pick up."
"Deal."
They arrived back in their room just before 1:15 and called Wade as promised.
"Hey Wade," Kim opened, "we're back from lunch."
"I'm… still missing something here, guys."
"Don't worry Wade," she answered, "the guy sitting next to us on the flight from Frankfurt was a bigshot in the British civil service, and Ron just happened to leave a good impression and tell him our cover story. So we just need you to tap into the phone in our room."
"Okay, but I was already doing that…"
Kim raised her eyebrow questioningly.
"Only when it's off the hook! I'm not eavesdropping on you guys, I swear!"
"In that case, how about you tell us why we care about this guy and how he gets us closer to figuring out who supplied Drakken?"
"Well, it's a woman for starters, she's the Vice-President for the Americas division of GECC. We don't really need her, we need her smart card, which holds her certificates used for digital signatures and authentication. If you can steal her card for a few minutes, I can forge an intermediate certificate signed by GECCs's root CA – lucky for us, they used MD5 for these certificates, so I can generate phony certs with the same MD5."
Ron asked, "If that's so easy, how come they messed up so hard?"
"Well, it's easy when you have access to supercomputers to do the math quickly enough. And they're aggressively rotating out these old cards in favor of updated ones that are much less vulnerable – fortunately, the manufacturer is backlogged like crazy and they're three months behind schedule, so only the Asia-Pacific division has had the new cards rolled out."
"Alright, Wade," Kim said, "sounds like a plan. Crash the party, steal a card, you do your thing, and we return the card. Any complications?"
"Kinda… She's going to have a bodyguard for sure, they had a few high-profile cases of major execs being robbed at gunpoint. As far as I can tell, they've hired serious guys, you do not want to draw their attention."
"Again, so not the drama. Anything else? If not, I'll mute you and we'll wait for Mr. Woolley – pardon, Sir Bernard to call."
The minutes went by and the clock read 14:35.
"I win, KP, I pick up the phone!"
"Fine," she replied with annoyance and vacated the chair closest to the phone on the desk.
The phone started to ring at 02:47. Ron let it ring three times, to give the call an air of credibility and spontaneity that masked the ruse.
"Yello, this is Ron Parker…"
"Mr. Parker, it's Bernard Woolley –"
"Ah, Bernard, great to hear from you so soon. Please, call me Ron."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Ron," Sir Bernard quickly corrected himself, "I mean, Ron. I'm sorry for disturbing you at a time when you are most likely to be focusing on relaxing with your wife and enjoying the fine cultural offers the city has for a young couple such as yourselves."
"Oh, it's really no problem at all, we're all about cultural offers, you know, but we're still recovering from our flights…"
"Well, in any case, and I must preemptively apologize for the pretentious nature of the request I would like to present to you, for your consideration, …"
Ron move the handset away from his face, covered the microphone with his hand and whispered to Kim, "I'm glad I know this is going, because I'm getting lost in this conversation."
"…keeping in mind that you are, of course, absolutely free to decline and under no obligation to say yes, however much it would please me – personally and professionally – if you were to respond positively."
Ron continued the ruse, "Sure, Bernard, uhm, what can we do for you?"
"Although I am not privy to all the details, I have been told that the embassy's chef had a, uh, sudden shift in attitude which resulted in his termination of the services he rendered. At the same time, as incredible as it sounds, it seems that any local chefs that the embassy staff know of are either busy or outright unavailable."
"Are you saying you want me to help you out? I dunno, I was kinda hoping to relax, and I don't want to leave Kim alone…"
"Your wife is most welcome to join us, too, especially if it would help secure your help. Our sous-chef can handle much of the work, but with two hundred guests and another hundred civil servants and a few politicians, he can't keep up."
"Give me a second to ask her… Hey, KP!" Ron theatrically shouted as if she were not right next to him. "How do you feel like joining Bernard at the embassy for their fancy party?"
"Oh, that sounds fun, Ron, but I didn't bring an appropriate dress," she answered loudly but facing away from the phone, playing along with the farce.
"Oh, you can tell your wife that is no problem at all, the embassy would be happy to send over a car and cover whatever expenses you might have with clothing, if it would help secure your most valuable assistance."
Ron handed over the phone to Kim, "Hi Bernard, this is Kim speaking. Why, yes, your offer is most generous. Uh-huh. Please and thank you. See you later." She hung up.
"They're desperate, KP, you'd think Wade had the whole kitchen deported or fired or something."
Ron's words sunk in with both him and Kim as he finished his sentence. They both turned to look at Wade on the Kimmunicator's screen, with expectant looks.
"Woah, don't look at me, guys, I just set the guy up for a fancy new job in the Bahamas, I didn't get anyone fired!" Wade said in response to the near-accusatory expression on the teens' faces.
"So I guess they're just scared of things not going smoothly tonight," Kim said. "I feel kinda guilty about them paying for clothes, but the dress thing is true."
"Well, they owe you for foiling Senior Junior's plan the other day, right? So just take a favor or two off their debt, I mean, it's not like you're going on a massive shopping spree."
Kim tried to maintain a neutral expression that somehow only served to make her look guilty. After a few seconds, she smiled coyly.
"Oh boy. Cancel your plans, Rufus, it's going to be a loooong afternoon."
For today's reading recommendation, and in the spirit of excessive shopping, if you've somehow missed it, go read Nacho Boy and the Dragon Lady, by MrDrP. It's the story that really got me hooked on this fanfiction thing. Kim and Ron never met as kids, but meet at age 30. Not going to spoil it beyond that, just go read it.