CHAPTER 8: 100%
[1X04 PREGGERS REDO - What if Finn reacted differently to Quinn's news in the moment when she told him? True, I sort of covered this scenario in Ask Jeeves, but this version is IN THE HEAT OF THE REVEAL, not later on after doing his homework (and perhaps a tad bit more rewarding? - you tell me)]
. . . . .
"Quinn, hey hold up! What's with the silent treatment? Listen, we need to talk–"
"I'm pregnant."
"Y-you're wha– m-mine?"
"Of course YOU, who else?"
"But we never–"
"Last month? Hot tub?"
Finn thought about the hot tub incident for a beat, and not for the first time, just with a different perspective this time. Okay, it's true he sorta blew like Old Faithful that night, but the water was so warm and Quinn was so hot in her bikini and she was kinda touching him and nibbling on that part of his neck – and YEAH, yeah, he's positive on this point, they both had their swimsuits on! Plus, there's all those like, chemicals in hot tub water, right? Or bacterias or viruses or something really bad for his swimmers. And... and didn't he hear something about HEAT being no good and killing them off too?
Yeah, yeah, he totally did. His mom was watching some dumb lady flick on LMN (O-P, because he can't think of or see that channel name and not add the last two letters) about a chick that was trying to get knocked up and her husband had to wear like, icepacks on his junk. That was really the only part that caught his attention just because the idea of walking around with snowballs in his pants (yeah you can go with that pun) was kinda terrifying to him and hoped was something he would NEVER have to experience.
He looked at Quinn and the tears streaming down her face and tugged her by the arm out of the school and toward the football field, stopping at their hidden makeout spot under the bleachers. She protested at least part of the way until she realized where they were headed.
"Um. Okay, Quinn... Look, I know you think I'm a giant idiot. And on a good day, I'd probably agree with you. I'll admit I haven't always given you reasons to think otherwise... But there's some things even I am smart enough to know, so I'm calling bullshit on this hot tub story."
"Wh-what are you talking about, Finn? What are you trying to say?"
"I'm not trying to say anything. I AM saying you never even let me get past second base yet, and still not under the bra. I would TOTALLY remember if ANY of my parts somehow got into YOUR parts, even if it was an accident. Even if they only got to knock on the door but not actually head in and snuggle up by the fire... I'm at least 99.99% sure I'd remember such a thing happening, barring like, major drugs or alcohol poisoning or brain injury of some kind. Sex makes babies. S-E-X. Sex, Quinn. Like, my parts inside your parts kind of sex, which you and me have DEFINITELY not done. So try again, Quinn. Are you 100% sure you're pregnant?"
"Yes. I- I went to the doctor. It's officially, official... but Finn, I–"
"Well then I am 100% sure it's not mine. So, who's baby is it?"
By this time she was crying uncontrollably while Finn did his level best to NOT go all Bruce Banner and completely tear down the bleachers they were standing under. The only way she could possibly be pregnant was by someone else's swimmers since his very certainly never made it to that round of the Olympics. He wasn't terribly bright but knew he was still a virgin, and he THOUGHT she was too... but apparently that just wasn't the case.
"Finn, I'm... it-it was just a mistake okay? It was a one time, really bad judgement call MISTAKE and I never meant to hurt you! I swear! It's all his fault anyway, he got me drunk on wine coolers and talked me into it."
"He. He WHO?"
"I love you Finn, okay, and... if you can just promise to forgive me for this one mistake we'll be okay. I don't want this to be the end of us."
"WHO, QUINN?! Just tell me!"
She turned up the waterworks as she finally in a small voice answered his question. "Puck."
"Puck. PUCK? As in MY best friend? THAT Puck? The guy who's been flirting with you non-stop since before we even started dating? The same Puck I saw you flirt back with multiple times? The same Puck I KNOW you went to Dave's party with last month because he told me he took you, even when you told me you were skipping it for some bible class?"
"Wait, you knew?"
"Puck doesn't have a very good filter usually – although, he DID leave out THIS very important little nugget of information from that night. But yeah, he told me that Britt and San insisted you had to be there but you didn't have a ride, so he picked you up. He said he didn't want me to think he was fuckin' around with you behind my back."
"Finn he wouldn't even have HAD to pick me up if YOU didn't have some completely pointless humiliating LOSER GLEE THING to do that night! You were too busy chasing Man Hands around to be a good boyfriend to me that night, so really this is actually kind of your fault. You should have been there with me."
"MY fault?! It's MY fault you let PUCK put his DICK inside you? Without a rubber apparently?! Oh shit, is THAT how you wanna play this? Okay. Well since you brought it up... YES, I was with Rachel – that's her name by the way, Rachel Berry, not Man Hands or Tranny or Treasure Trail. Yeah, I was with Rachel and the rest of Glee club rehearsing for that pep rally thing, and I was HONEST with you and told you what I was doing and how I couldn't get out of it. But guess what Quinn? Since we're having this private game of truth or dare, I'll take my turn now. I choose TRUTH. The day after the pep rally? Yeah, I totally kissed Rachel. And the reason I was looking for you in the hallway at all just now? I was going to break up with you. Actually, correction, I AM breaking up with you."
"Wait WHAT? You KISSED her? You cheated on me?"
"Are you completely serious with that right now? You think me kissing Rachel is the bigger problem between us even as you are standing here growing ANOTHER DUDE'S KID inside you?"
"Okay I.. I guess I see your point. But look, I think this just means we canceled each other's mistakes out. Finn, I still love you, and I know we can work past all of this! We both made ONE mistake, and–"
"First of all, me kissing Rachel was not a mistake. It was maybe not good timing, and I get that I cheated so that probably makes me a douche, but it was definitely NOT a mistake."
"Finn, you have to be confused or something. I think spending so much time with those freaks and losers is affecting your judgment. I made ONE LITTLE mistake here, so if you could just try to–"
"Little?! You think getting yourself knocked up is a LITTLE mistake?"
"Okay maybe not so little, but, I'm... I'm not keeping it Finn. I can't keep it. My parents will completely freak out and disown me, and anyway I'm not ready to be a mother. I still have so much left to do with my life, most of which requires having you by my side. We're the power couple of the school, Finn! People look up to us. I'm not sure how I can face this humiliation alone, and Puckerman is certainly NOT good boyfriend material... If he hadn't gotten me drunk and taken advantage of me, this would have never happened. I swear it wouldn't have because he and I do not make sense together. But you and I, we make perfect sense together. I know we are strong enough to get past this and just–"
"Just what? You keep saying you love me, but I have to be honest, Quinn. You treat me pretty crappy most of the time. You call me dumb a lot – and I already said I know I've probably not helped prove my case most of the time, but you don't need to call me names in front of our friends. And when it was my mom's birthday last month you got pissed because I wanted to spend the day with her instead of with you – I mean she is MY MOM Quinn, the only living parent I have. I know you don't get it, but I actually care about her.
"As for you and Puck, well, there's not much I can say there. That's up to you two to decide what you will or won't become. I happen to know he's been hot for you forever. And this baby thing, well, I feel bad for you, Quinn, honest I do, but this isn't my problem. You need to talk to Puck and figure it out. But I meant what I said. I'm breaking up with you because we DON'T really love each other and I'm pretty sure we never did, and oh yeah, you banged my best friend behind my back so I think that pretty much says it all."
"And you've been having an emotional affair with Rachel 'The Freak' Berry ever since you went to that stupid wastoid club, Finn! You think I haven't noticed how she pathetically follows you around like a little puppy dog in heat? And you're just FALLING for her ridiculous idol worship because you think she's a good singer–"
"She IS a good singer Quinn, a GREAT singer actually. And I really don't wanna talk about Rachel with you. Yeah, okay, maybe there's been something going on with me and her for a while, like not ACTUALLY going on but, something I've been thinking about, something that's been building up between us. And I know I shouldn't have kissed her while you and me were together, and I'm sorry for that. But no, Quinn, my kissing Rachel or whatever I'm feeling about her doesn't just cancel things out with what you and Puck did. It just proves that you and me don't belong together. So... good luck with the baby and everything, and don't worry, I'll keep your secrets. Maybe we can try to stay friends, but I don't wanna be your boyfriend anymore – and I am 100% positive about that."
"So that's just it? More than four months as a couple and you're just dumping me? For Rachel Berry?"
"Yeah, I guess I am. Spread the word too, because I'm also 100% positive the next person to dump on her in any way is gonna have to deal with me going forward."
. . . . .
~️❤️~