Chapter 7: Come Tumbling Down

"I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met."

- The Night We Met, Lord Huron

Hours had passed since Hitomi's confrontation with Van, and it was getting very late. She wondered if she would get to leave that evening or not. While Hitomi did not believe Van would keep her in Fanelia against her will, she knew she had hurt him. The look on his face when she told him he could not love her would haunt her dreams. Her heart broke, and she could not articulate why the pain was so intense. She did not understand the intensity of her feelings for him. As she got up from the floor, her body ached, and her soul twinged with regret. She paced in front of the window, trying to figure out what to do next. Hitomi knew that Van needed time, but she was supposed to go home. Hitomi could not leave without his help, and she did not want to go without saying goodbye.

Merle's ears twitched. She had not heard a sound from Hitomi's room for the last two hours. She had listened to her friend cry for hours after Lord Van had left. Merle suspected that Hitomi didn't have any tears left at this point. Merle also knew that Hitomi intended to return to the Mystic Moon that evening and was likely stuck without Lord Van's help. Slipping silently out of her bedroom, she headed to the roof, knowing she would find her brother there.

Van stood on the highest part of the roof, drenched in sweat. After leaving Hitomi's room, he wanted to disappear and numb his feelings by training alone. His heart had shattered when she had blatantly rejected him. Van had dreamed of her return for ten years, and the reality of the situation was the complete opposite of his dreams. Shutting his eyes, he tried to fight the lump in his throat. He had fought so hard to get the words out, and she had stopped him. Hitomi did not want him; that much was obvious. Hearing a slight change in the air, he turned to see his sister staring at him with pity.

"What do you want, Merle?" Van asked numbly.

"Oh Lord Van," Merle said sadly. She flung her arms around him and squeezed tightly. She half expected him to shove her off, so she was surprised when he returned her embrace.

"She is leaving, isn't she?" Van asked quietly.

"Yes, she is, Lord Van," Merle replied. "It is time to let her go."

"I know I need to, but it is the last thing I want," Van responded tightly. "I think I need to accept Zaibach's proposal. Adrasteia will make good queen to Fanelia."

"Lord Van! Don't be hasty." Merle pleaded in shock. "You are hurting right now; please don't do something you can't undo."

"She doesn't want me, Merle." Van spat the words.

"Lord Van… I'm sure she didn't mean it. Hitomi cares for you." Merle tried to comfort her brother.

"I'm not going to harass her into loving me. She has made her feelings clear. I will help her return to her world and leave her alone," Van said firmly. He looked at Merle, and the pain reflected in his eyes made her water.

"Lord Van…" Merle started again but couldn't get any more words to come out.

"Merle, can you send for Chid and Dryden? Can you also bring Hitomi to the clearing by the cemetery? I think that will be the safest place to send her home." Van continued. "I'll meet you there."

"All right, Lord Van," Merle replied quietly. She was uneasy about Van's decision to marry Adrasteia; it was too quick, and he was too hurt to make such an important decision.

Merle walked back down to Hitomi's room. She had sent word to Chid and Dryden to meet them by the Fanel family grave. It was time to send Hitomi home, and Merle's heart hurt. She could hear Hitomi pacing on the other side of the door. Knocking gently, she waited for Hiotmi to answer.
"Van… oh," Hitomi said as she opened the door. She had expected to see the dark-haired king, not his feline sister.

"Van asked me to take you outside to send you home." Merle said carefully.

"Oh, Merle, please don't be angry with me. I need to go home!" Hitomi looked at her friend, her eyes filled with sorrow.

"I'm not angry… just disappointed and sad," Merle replied tiredly. Merle wished she could be angry at Hitomi for her choice, but she wasn't. It was what Hitomi wanted, and as much as it hurt, Merle couldn't hate her.

"Me too, Merle. Me too." Hitomi responded, wrapping her arm around her friend as they headed towards the cemetery.

When they arrived, the clearing was lit by the brightness of the twin moons. Hitomi looked up at her home and smiled tightly. She should be excited to go home; this was what she wanted. Yet a nagging doubt pulled at her heart. She didn't understand why this decision was so hard or why she felt so painfully tired. Hitomi knew she was making the smart, logical choice. Of course, she needed to go home and get back to work, but her heart squeezed painfully with each step she took.

Chid and Dryden were already waiting for her. Van was nowhere to be seen. Hitomi looked at her old war compatriots with a watery smile. Goodbyes were significantly harder this time around, and guilt gnawed at her. Her stomach felt numb as she walked over to them.

"Leaving already, little lady?" Dryden said with confusion apparent on his brow.

"Yes, I need to return home. My clients need me, " she replied, a hint of stubbornness in her voice.

"They are lucky to have you," Dryden responded, pulling Hitomi into a tight hug.

"Thank you, Dryden. I am so glad I got to see you again. Please give my love to Millerna," Hitomi murmured in response, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. She couldn't help but wonder why she cried so much on Gaea compared to on Earth. It felt like all she had done since her arrival was cry. On the one hand, she was uncomfortable with the intensity of her emotions, but on the other, it was nice to feel so deeply again.

"Hitomi…" Chid looked at her slightly incredulously.

"I'm sorry, Chid. I promised we'd catch up more, but we've run out of time." Hitomi replied before hugging him as well. He stiffened at the contact but soon hugged her back.

"I just wish there was more time." He responded. While he had grown and matured in the last ten years, he was still very much a child at fifteen.

"Me too." She responded gently.

"You foolish girl," Merle said, her eyes welling with tears. "You are making a mistake."

Hitomi smiled at her feline friend and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, Merle. I need to go home."

Turning from Merle, Hitomi looked around anxiously for Van. She saw him standing away from the others. His body was stiff, something she was not accustomed to. Walking over to him, she tried and failed to smile at him. Van mechanically gestured to the middle of the clearing.

"Right, it is time," Hitomi said, almost to herself and followed him to the spot that would take her home.

"Here," Van said roughly, holding the pendant and gesturing for her to take it.

Hitomi looked at him dumbly. "This was a gift, Van."

"It is time for you to take it back." He answered, not meeting her eyes.

Taking the pendant, she was taken aback by the buzz of energy that seemed to be pulsing from the pink stone. She was surprisingly hurt that he wanted to return the necklace and almost resented the pendant for being in her hands. It was once her most prized possession, and now it offended her by being in her hands and not around his neck. Looking up at him, she threw her arms around him in a hug. He tensed under her embrace but did not return the gesture. She tried hard not to be hurt by his response, but it stung.

"What should I do?" She asked no one in particular.

"You need to wish to return to the Mystic Moon," Van replied, believing she was looking for instructions.

"Right…" Hitomi closed her eyes and made her wish.

The light appeared almost instantaneously. The blue light was bright, and the wind it generated whipped through her hair painfully. She peered through the light to look at Van, but he had already turned away and was heading back towards the castle. She helplessly called his name, but he did not turn. Her feet began to rise off the ground, and she was lifted in the air towards her home. She was above the trees when she noticed something was wrong with the light. It was moving slowly and flickering slightly. In her previous experiences, the light had transported her almost immediately between Gaea and Earth, and that was not happening now. The beam was weaker in colour, and the flickering was causing her to feel slightly nauseous. What if she fell? Fear and uncertainty gnawed at her. Suddenly, she was no longer floating but falling. She could vaguely hear the shouts of her friends below. She had fallen about halfway to the ground before it entered her mind to scream.

Van could not stay and watch her return to the Mystic Moon. His heart hurt, and he felt numb. He regretted returning the pendant to her the second he had handed it to her, but he couldn't keep it. He needed to move on and could not do that with its constant weight as a reminder that he could not have the one woman he loved. As soon as he saw the flash of the column of light, he turned and started to walk towards the castle. It was not until he heard the screams that he turned around. The light flickered and disappeared before his eyes. He thought for a moment that Hitomi was gone and had returned to her world, but then he saw her form free-falling to the ground. She tumbled and spun recklessly. He heard her scream, and the terror in her voice chilled him to her very bones. Running full tilt toward her, he let his wings burst from his back and took flight.

Hitomi closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable crunch of hitting the ground. She started to murmur a prayer to a god she wasn't sure she believed in. Fear did funny things to people. Her body jerked suddenly as she felt strong arms hold her tightly. She held on tightly, and a firm but strained voice told her she was safe now. Opening her eyes, she saw that Van was holding her tightly. Fear dominated his eyes. When they landed, he ran his hands gently over her body as if to check for injury and to confirm that she was alive and well. She clung to him, afraid to stand on her own.

"Are you alright?" Van asked, his voice strained.

"Yes…" Hitomi responded, but she held on to him tighter.

"What happened?" Merle ran up to the couple. Terror still washed over her features.

"I don't know. I wished to return to Earth, and then the light came. It was different than before… weaker. The next thing I knew, the light disappeared, and I was falling. I'd be dead without Van." Hitomi looked up at him gratefully as she spoke. "I guess I need to try again."

"You're trying again!?" Van asked. He knew he should let her go, but every part of his being wanted to hold her. He needed to feel secure that she was okay and not in any more danger.

Hitomi breathed deeply. "I haven't got a choice. This is my only way home."

Hitomi sighed. She did not want to try again. She just wanted to stay in Van's arms; she felt safe there. She also did not want to admit that her heart was filled with doubt when she made her wish. Deep in her soul, she knew she was not ready to leave Gaea, but her head was unwilling to accept that reality. Reluctantly pulling herself from Van's embrace, she closed her eyes to make her wish a second time, ignoring her friends' protests.

Van winced, and his belly froze when Hitomi said she would try again. He wanted to shake her, to yank the pendant from her hands, anything to prevent her from trying again. He could not believe that after what had just happened, she would even consider trying again. It hurt him when she pulled herself from his arms. He forced himself to look at her when she closed her eyes to try making her wish for the second time. This time, nothing happened; no light appeared.

Hitomi opened her eyes, feeling foolish. She had made her wish, but nothing happened. She was half tempted to shake the pendant, as if that would do something. "It's not working." She muttered to herself.

"Thank the gods." Merle replied quickly, "That was way too scary, Hitomi."

"I guess my stay is extended?" Hitomi said to the group with a lopsided smile that did not meet her eyes. Her eyes were clouded in worry. What did it mean that she could not go home?

"We'll find a way to get you home," Van spoke suddenly.

"Well, we should get some rest. There's nothing else we can do tonight," Dryden interjected. He walked over to Hitomi, squeezed her, whispered that he would see her tomorrow, and then turned back towards the palace.

"Agreed. We will speak tomorrow." Chid responded and followed Dryden.

"Van…" Hitomi spoke quietly. "Can we talk?"

"Dryden and Chid are right. We should all get some rest." Van responded, distance returning to his voice.

"Right," Hitomi replied, uncertainty and discomfort noticeable in her voice.

When Hitomi returned to her room, she noticed the flowers had already been removed. Her heart was stung at their absence. Her heart hurt, and she was still on Gaea, and it was all too much. She had almost died, and her body only now started to process that reality. Her legs shook, and she needed to hold onto the wall for support as she made her way to the bed. Sinking onto the bed, she turned and tried to fall asleep.

Van's body itched; he knew he needed to sleep but couldn't rest. The sound of Hitomi's scream was etched into his brain. He had never been so afraid as when he saw her fall from the sky. He was enraged that she risked her life to try again. Was life on Gaea so terrible that she must put herself at such risk? He wanted nothing more than to protect and love her. His heart still had not calmed; he wanted to see and hold her. He needed to know she was unharmed. Unfortunately, she had also given him an answer and did not love him the way he loved her. He needed to pull back from her as much as it pained him. Or at least, that was his plan until he heard a scream come from her room. Leaping from the bed, he ran haphazardly towards her room, praying she had not tried something stupid, like trying to return to the Mystic Moon again.

Hitomi sat upright in bed. Her eyes stared forward, but they did not see what was before her. She was shaking in terror. She had barely managed to fall asleep when a nightmare woke her. She had tried to return home in her dream, but the light had failed, much like earlier that evening. Unfortunately, Van had not been there to save her, and she was about to plummet directly into the ground when she woke with a scream. For whatever reason, she could not get her breathing under control. The fear from the dream still had its hold over her. She vaguely heard someone knock on her door but could not answer.

Van knocked on her door, hoping she would open it and nothing would be wrong. When she did not answer, Van was torn. On the one hand, he should not be entering women's rooms without an invitation, and on the other hand, she could be hurt. Barely weighing his options, he attempted to open the door, praying it was open. Van walked into her room, relieved she had not returned to the Mystic Moon. However, she looked terrified. She sat straight up in bed and was breathing very heavily. He crossed quickly and sat on the edge of the bed. He gently touched her, but she did not initially react to his presence. It was like she could not see him.

"Hitomi?" Van looked into her eyes, trying to find a spark of recognition.

"Van?" Hitomi responded after a few moments of silence. She was still breathing heavily. "You're here?"

"Yes, you were screaming," Van replied.

"Oh, I… I had a bad dream, " she answered. Her breathing was still heavy, but it was slowing slightly. Her words were choppy between gasps for air.

"Well, if you are alright." Van started to stand when Hitomi hurled herself at him and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"Please don't leave me." She pleaded into his shoulder. "I was so scared."

Van's heart melted at her words. He knew he should get up and put some distance between them, but the desperation in her voice would not allow him to move. He couldn't leave her as much as his mind reminded him that she did not love him.

"I'll stay," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

"Thank you." She scootched over slightly to make room for him on the bed.

Van flushed slightly at the implication that he would be in bed with her. This would damage their reputations if they were found out, but Van did not care. She needed him, and he could not turn her away; whether or not she felt the same, his heart belonged to her. Laying down, he was surprised when she curled close to him and laid her head on his chest. Butterflies shot through his stomach at the contact. He gently reached up and stroked her hair. Over time, her breathing evened out, and she fell back to sleep. Van stared at the ceiling and wondered what he should do. He would never be able to move on when they ended up in situations like this. He couldn't stand the thought of being this close to her and unable to love her the way he wanted, but he also could not stand the thought of her leaving. No matter how he looked at it, he was in trouble. Sighing deeply, he indulged his heart and held her close as she nuzzled deeper into his chest.

When Hitomi woke, she was alone in her bed. The slight indentation beside her was the only proof that she had not slept alone. Her heart sank at the realization that Van had not stayed with her until she woke. Cursing herself gently, she realized she could not blame him; she had rejected his advances. Of course, he would leave. She was sending the worst mixed signals. Grabbing a pillow beside her, she screamed into it to muffle the sound. Why was she so fickle? She felt like her head and heart were battling and could not figure out why. Her head constantly reminded her of her need to go home, to help her clients and that it had been ten years since she had last seen him. How could she love someone that she barely knew? What would she even do on Gaea? However, her heart fluttered every time Van came close to her, and her eyes searched for him in every room she entered. Her heart did not care about the amount of time or the distance; it wanted her to be near him. She had spent the last ten years of her life letting her head dominate her decisions… it was hard for her to let go and let her heart lead.

Van stayed with Hitomi for most of the night. He breathed in her scent and memorized the lines on her face. He only left the room once the light began to creep over the horizon. Brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, he gave her one last look and got up. The moment he left, he regretted it, but he needed to get ready for the day. Heading to his bedroom, he bathed and dressed for the day. Today was the last day of the delegation, and he needed to decide on Zaibach's proposal. His head knew that marrying Adrasteia was politically the right call and that she would make a perfect queen, but his heart still hurt for Hitomi. Grimacing slightly, he decided that he would ask Adrasteia to stay in Fanelia to get to know each other. While not quite accepting the proposal, it was close enough to keep his council and ally happy.

As he headed towards the grand hall, he saw Adrasteia heading in the same direction. He took the opportunity to put his plan into action, jogging slightly to catch up with her.

"Lady Adrasteia!" He called as he caught up to her.

"Your Highness," Adrasteia smiled dazzlingly. She was genuinely surprised to see him pay her any special attention. Not one to let an opportunity pass her by, she reached out to take Van's arm.

"I hoped to speak to you privately after today's meetings," Van asked tentatively. His heart screamed at him to stop, but his head pushed the words out of his mouth.

"Certainly, I am nothing if not at your Lordship's disposal," Adrasteia responded coyly. She looked at him flirtatiously. She did not know what had happened between today and yesterday, but she intended to take full advantage.