The Hogwarts Express
June 20th, 1976 - End of 5th Year
The girls' compartment had remained silent for most of the train ride back towards London.
Mary had been reading quietly, while Dorcas and Emmeline bent with their heads together, sharing the latest Teen Witch print, as Marlene snoozed in the corner, curled into a neat ball. Lily stared out the train compartment's window, arms crossed as she watched the green blur of the landscape roll by, stuck in her own head as the events of the last week played back in her mind. The incident at the lake just after O.W.L.s.
Mudblood.
Her closest, oldest friend had spat the word in her face with vitriol.
Filthy little Mudbloods like her.
Severus apologized, of course, not six hours later when he'd caught her on her patrols that evening, his face pale and expression etched with despair and shame as he said sorry, over and over again.
His use of the derogatory word had been the breaking point. A fracture in their recently tumultuous friendship that had already begun to unravel; where not even its age could fix itself or hold itself together.
Some friendships just ended, Lily knew. Her friends from her time at Primary - before Hogwarts - occasionally reached out, wrote letters that her mum would attach for her in her biweekly post. They'd kept in touch anyways, friendly and obliging, even when both parties knew they didn't need to. Eventually, some of them stopped; though it truly didn't bother Lily. Sometimes friendships just … ran their course.
The course that her and Severus's friendship ran was a different one; careful and guarded on her part - inconspicuous and discreet on his, when it mattered. She hadn't known when they'd arrive at Hogwarts those five - nearly six now - years ago, he'd be less open and genuine.
In public, that was, where his classmates would see them sitting together and taunt him; throw outright offensive comments towards her. Snape would never speak up; and she'd just have to take it, head bowed.
He was in a precarious position, she understood. They were his housemates. He had to get along with them, live with them.
But with each negative remark or insult they threw at her, with each time he'd ignore the degrading and dehumanizing words as his eyes cast downward, it splintered something within her. Carved away at the foundations of the trust and reliance she had built in their friendship from the beginning, chipped away until it stood on shaky, unstable ground.
And so yes. The day by the lake - the word Mudblood coming from his own mouth had been the breaking point.
She'd ignored his every attempt at conversation since his apology, even his every attempt at the quickest eye contact - all because it felt like he truly didn't apologize. He'd brought up excuses, blamed it on Potter and his provocations - using every other tactic to avoid apologizing outright for what he'd said - in only the hopes to soothe their friendship until the next row they might have.
Mudblood.
Lily closed her eyes to prepare against the fresh wave of pain that would pass through her - but was only met with a wall of despondent numbness.
Good then, she thought. Brilliant even. Better detachment than another set of wasted, unshed tears.
"Did you guys hear that?" Mary asked, sitting straighter in her seat. Closest to the door, she leant forward with her ear faced towards it.
"Hear what?" Dorcas asked distractedly, earmarking a page in the magazine.
"I thought I'd heard…" Mary's brows furrowed as she moved to sit at the edge of her seat, reaching forward to slide the compartment's door open.
Suddenly, as if the brakes were trying to deploy, the train jerked violently.
"Whazzat?" Marlene gasped, sitting up from her slumbering state.
The other occupants of the compartment had to steady themselves, as the train's brakes released, resuming its speed.
"What the bloody hell was that?" Dorcas demanded as Mary stood, throwing open the door and latching it so it remained opened.
She stuck her head out as the rest of them watched her call out. "Oi! What's going on?"
A male voice responded from the next compartment over. "Like I know, MacDonald! Oi - you, what's happening?"
Mary backtracked a step into the compartment as one - then two students suddenly rushed past the doorway, heading towards the back of the train. "What's happened?" Mary yelled at their backs.
The train jolted again, as if the tracks had been upset. Emmeline let out a shriek, clinging to Dorcas as the others let out similar sounds of panic.
"What're you going to do with that?" Marlene hissed, grabbing at Lily's wrist.
Lily looked down - not realizing she had stood - and noticed how her wand was now tightly clutched in her hand. "I - don't know."
Marlene used her grip to tug Lily back into her seat. "You're a 5th Year . What're you going to do, a Bubble Charm?"
"I'm a Prefect," Lily said dumbly as the train gave another violent lurch. "I should - help keep everyone calm."
"Calm?" Marlene released the grip on her hand when she realized Lily was going to stand regardless. "The train's about to derail. We should - at least cast a bloody Cushioning Charm or something!"
Marlene's response startled a laugh out of Lily as she came to stand beside Mary at the open doorway.
Mary leant back to allow space to stick her head out into the corridor and Lily caught sight of the other compartment doors sliding open, other student's sticking their heads out of curiosity. Her eyes snagged on something through the window opposite of them.
"Is that… smoke?" she asked timidly.
Mary swallowed hard. "I think so."
There was a noise then, similar to that of a firework - or the sound she used to hear at the old Iron Mill when her dad used to work that - followed by a dull roar; It shook the train.
Lily nearly lost her balance but was able to steady herself against the compartment's doorway. Mary was not so lucky; she fell forward onto the corridor floor, releasing a pained shout when she landed on her elbows hard.
"Fucking hell," Mary exclaimed, the curse unexpected coming from their mild-mannered friend.
Then the screaming started.
September 1st, 1977 - 7th Year
Returning to King's Cross felt a bit like seeing a sight you knew you'd never see again; like the large oak tree she'd seen torn down three summers ago that she used to love to climb - or like her sister smiling at her with genuine warmth after sharing an inside joke; or even her dad standing in the kitchen with a cup of tea and her favorite type of scone.
It'd been nearly two years since she'd stepped foot at the train station. Her heart stuttered in her chest, the space between her ribs tight and restricting.
"Lily!" a voice shouted.
She turned, catching sight of her blonde best friend, barrelling through two separate clusters of younger students, knocking at least one of the smaller ones down - by accident, of course - towards Lily with open arms and a gleeful expression.
The blonde witch nearly took Lily out, jumping on her with her full weight.
"Marlene," Lily gasped in complaint, having to drop her knapsack to the ground in order to support the girl's weight.
"You made it!" Marlene pulled back, clinging to Lily as if she were going to make a run for it. "I wasn't actually sure if you'd show."
Lily threw her head back and laughed. "We literally chatted about this two nights ago at the Leaky Cauldron. I said I was coming, didn't I?"
Marlene waved her off, retracting one of her hands from Lily's figure to loop it through her arm to tug her close, turning back towards the large red, steam train set before them. "You could've changed your mind. Your mum could've convinced you to change your mind."
Lily laughed again. "She nearly did," she admitted, stooping to retrieve her bag from the ground, thankful it was still there. "She hugged me for half an hour straight before letting me apparate away."
"But that's just your mum in general," Marlene teased; but while both girls knew that was Rose Evan's usual departure farewell, this year felt… different.
Despairingly, dangerously so.
Lily's return for her 7th Year at Hogwarts was… unexpectedly unplanned. The Death Eater Attack that had occurred on the train ride home at the end of their 5th Year almost made sure of that.
Many of the Muggleborns - the ones that hadn't been killed or permanently injured - had chosen not to return to Hogwarts the following year. Their parents had pulled them; fearful for their children's lives, and kept them home. Those who had returned the following year either didn't tell their parents (those of age), or were simply brave enough to try.
Lily was unsure of many of the fates of those who chose to remain home, save for Mary; whom she'd kept in touch with via Muggle post. They'd both chosen to homeschool their 6th Year to continue their magical learning - though at Lily's seventeenth birthday, when she'd become a legal adult - she'd made the decision to owl Dumbledore directly and re-enroll for her 7th Year in-person.
Dumbledore had replied with an implicit yes, having already kept a close eye on her progress and at-home examinations. He had even delivered her Hogwarts letter to her directly, the weight of it heavier than normal.
When she'd opened the envelope, it included a rather unexpected offering - the Head Girl badge.
Lily had dropped it in shock; aghast at the small, metal pin that fell into her lap.
Surely Dumbledore was joking - in this current state of affairs in the Wizarding World, electing a Muggleborn to be Head Girl? After having spent a year at home?
She couldn't decide if she were more stupefied by the gall of their Headmaster, or flattered that he'd chosen to bestow the position to her. He'd simply advised her that she deserved it.
It had only strengthened the small wisp of courage that had been building in her chest, just below her sternum.
It wavered now, however, as she stood at the platform, dressed in a Muggle pair of denim trousers and a slim, cream sweater. The other students that milled about seemed to glance at her curiously; and perhaps some of them could recognize her, while others merely stared at a new witch with an unfamiliar face.
"Lily!" gasped a nearby younger witch, who'd done a double-take upon passing her.
"Oh, hello," Lily replied carefully, scanning the girl's face for any familiarity. The witch appeared to be fourteen or fifteen, if Lily had to guess. Dark hair, pale skin.
"It's me, Brigid!" the young witch confirmed excitedly, rushing forward to loop her arms around Lily's shoulders, cleanly knocking her out of Marlene's grip.
"Brigid - Flinton?" Lily pulled back from the hug to study the girl's face with what she knew was poorly hidden shock; discovering the girl clear of acne and baby-fat she'd last seen her with at the age of thirteen.
Lily met Marlene's eye; who raised her brows with a sly grin as she shrugged.
"I can't believe it!" Brigid continued, grasping onto the redhead's wrists so tightly that Lily nearly winced. "Are you really back? I mean - it's mad , of course - but so super brilliant. I really can't believe it. Oh, Merlin, wait until Susie hears of this! Please tell me you're back and not just visiting!"
Lily laughed uncomfortably, trying to kindly escape from the younger witch's painfully tight grip. "I'm back," she confirmed. "Should we go ahead and board the train?"
Brigid glanced over her shoulder, catching sight of the other students as they began to board. "Oh, yes! I should probably find Susie and a compartment. And then change before I've got to report to the Prefect's compartment. Can you believe McGonagall made me a Prefect this year? I absolutely wanted to be one ever since you helped me in 2nd Year, you know."
Lily smiled genuinely, adjusting her bag that had been knocked askew on her shoulder. "That's brilliant, Brigid. It seems like I'll be meeting you there - being Head Girl and all."
"Really?" Brigid's jaw dropped open at the same time Marlene echoed, "Head Girl?" with a surprised cackle from beside them.
"Yes," Lily retorted defensively towards Marlene. "Didn't I tell you?"
"No," Marlene snorted, crossing her arms as she smirked. "But this'll be an interesting year, won't it?"
Lily's eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"Oh, there's Susie!" Brigid interrupted with an exaggerated wave. "I should go meet her. Oh, Merlin. Wait till she hears your back - and Head Girl! It's so great to see you back, Lily, really!"
The two 7th Years watched as the younger witch dashed off, dark hair flying behind her as she darted between other students to jump onto the train.
"She grew up," Lily said with a stunned laugh.
Marlene hooked her arm back into the loop of Lily's as she snorted. "Oh, yes she did. Puberty hit hard."
"Did we go through that?" Lily mused aloud as she let Marlene pull her forward.
"Some of us did," she teased, leading the pair around packs of other students who watched them curiously. "But I'm betting Brigid's introduction to Sleekeazy's hair potions and their skin care helped some."
Lily reared back. "Hang on, what'd you mean by 'this'll be an interesting year' ?"
Marlene shrugged innocently, squeezing Lily's arm tightly. "You're back, is all," she said in a blithe manner, gesturing to Lily to step onto the train first. "Hurry on now, I'm sure Emmeline and Dorcas are waiting for us."
Distracted by the aspect of seeing her other two good friends, Lily let Marlene's wry comment slide - for now - and boarded the train, feeling the small kernel of courage gain some weight deep within her chest. "Same compartment, you think?"
Marlene shoved at her impatiently. "Would they choose any other?"
Lily laughed, almost losing her footing as she hooked a left down the train's corridor and started to count the number of carriages in a rush as she ducked around and between students that loitered in the small corridor.
Just as she counted to Compartment 14, she paused, glancing back at Marlene excitedly. The blonde stuck out her chin, impatiently gesturing for her to open the door.
When Lily had revealed to Marlene she'd been planning on returning, the two had decided not to share her news until she'd arrived on the train herself ( which honestly, may have been for the best - the pressure may have been too much ).
Lily pulled the door open with a bang. "What're you witches doing?" she demanded in a stern voice.
"The hell," Dorcas spat angrily, having jumped in shock at the disturbance.
"Lily!" Emmeline gasped, springing from her seat to seize her into a tight hug. "How are you here right now?"
"Figured you lot have had it too hard without it," she replied teasingly, returning the hug just as eagerly. "Dumbledore let me back in."
Dorcas, having recovered from the shock, stood and enveloped the two of them into a hug together. "As if we wouldn't raise hell if he didn't let you come back!"
"Oi," Marlene complained, wrapping her arms around Lily from the other side. "Don't leave me out."
"You don't seem surprised," Emmeline accused, pulling back slightly. "Don't tell me you kept this a secret from us."
Lily smiled sheepishly as the four girls released each other from the embrace. "Honestly, I wasn't sure if I'd show up or not this morning."
"And I've only just known for a fortnight," Marlene cut in, settling into the seat beside the window.
"We had lunch on Tuesday, Marlene!" Dorcas pointed out. "Before shopping. You had plenty of opportunities to spill."
Marlene shrugged with a wry grin. "A friend keeps secrets when asked!"
Dorcas scoffed, collapsing into the spot beside her and gesturing for the other two to sit. "Don't change your mind now, Lily. We won't let you leave our sights now!"
Lily laughed reluctantly, setting down her knapsack beside herself as she sat with Emmeline, who reached out and grasped Lily's hand to hold it. "I didn't think you would," she agreed. "Now tell me, what do I have to catch up on?"
By the time the three girls had gone into details of other gossip and tales of the year prior, the train had signaled its departure, pulling away from the station in a lulling manner; further cementing the resolution that encouraged Lily further. There was no turning back now.
She shifted more comfortably into the seat; squeezing Emmeline's hand tightly once, as she fell into the ease and familiarity of chatting with her friends. She'd missed this.
A sudden jolt of the train's carriage jostled them - and there was a brief moment as Lily tensed, waiting for the sudden sound of chaos - but nothing happened. The trains' wheels click-clacked over the tracks.
Lily hadn't realized she'd drawn her wand until she felt Emmeline's hand squeeze at her wrist.
"It's alright," Emmeline said softly, having leant in to press against her shoulder. "It's safe."
Dorcas nodded slowly. "Dumbledore's got Aurors onboard. Stationed at each carriage's entrance. Didn't you see?"
She hadn't.
"Oh," Lily murmured, reholstering her wand into her waistband and adjusting her sleeves self-consciously. "Sorry."
"Don't be," Marlene insisted. "You should've seen us last year - we were a right mess ."
Lily chuckled awkwardly, settling back into her seat as the others watched her carefully.
Emmeline squeezed her hand again. "Honestly, a lot of us were. McGonagall and Flitwick rode with us to help the younger students' nerves. Slughorn even stayed with the Slytherins."
Marlene laughed suddenly. "A lot of the older student's weren't as happy. McGonagall had patrolled each carriage's corridor, confiscating banned objects before they could hide them."
"She had to carry a bag," Dorcas recalled with a smirk. "Looks a bit like Peeves planning one of his devious pranks."
Emmeline chuckled as she leant against Lily, winking. "Didn't really work when that bag mysteriously disappeared at the end of the train ride, did it?"
Marlene smirked. "And all of the items seemed to be returned to their owners by the end of the Welcome Feast. It was quite odd no one took credit, but it was obvious who'd done it."
"Think they've got anything planned for this year's Welcome Feast?" Dorcas asked.
Lily would've asked Who ? but she could tell by the three other girls' familiarity exactly who they referred to. Marlene's eyes looked towards Lily with a small tinge of acknowledged guilt.
The topic of the four Gryffindor boys' had been avidly avoided in the past year among their letters and brief meetings; especially not since the Lake Incident, when Potter had been so tauntingly callous to Snape. Marlene had known of Lily and Snape's delicate friendship - made no easier by the Gryffindor boys' taunts and bullying.
The last she'd willingly thought of Potter was the envelope that'd arrived two weeks later after she'd returned home, the parchment secured closed with an embellished red-wax letter P.
Lily, it had read - the first time she'd ever seen her name in his writing.
I am so sorry for what I'd done that day of O.W.L.s. You were right. I am an arrogant toerag. I am glad that you're safe.
James C Potter
Lily had wanted to burn it, disgusted with having something of Potter's in her possession; but she'd stuffed it in her desk drawer, sure she was in custody of one of the few curiosities of the world - an actual apology from James Potter.
Marlene broke the silence in the compartment. "Something tells me that those Marauders are going to stay in line a bit more nicely this year."
"Oh, Merlin, " Emmeline gasped. "I heard! Po-"
"Actually," Marlene cut back in quickly, turning to Lily. "Shouldn't you be heading to the Prefects' compartment?"
"McGonagall let you stay Prefect, Lily?" Dorcas asked curiously. "I thought Emmeline took your place."
Emmeline shrugged. "My letter said I still had the position."
"Funny enough," Lily began, as she reached into her knapsack to retrieve the badge engraved with the letters HG. "…Dumbledore appointed me Head Girl."
The compartment exploded with sounds of congratulations as the girls' took turns grabbing at the badge, passing it amongst them with shared noises of shock and awe.
Dorcas nearly dropped it when she grabbed it from Emmeline. "Oh, shite," she gasped, looking towards Lily with wide eyes. "That means -"
"- You two are going to be late for that meeting for the Prefects, yeah?" Marlene insisted as she cut off the other girl - Lily caught the reproachful look Dorcas gave in return. "You're supposed to give a 'good luck' speech, aren't you?"
Lily winced, having already known this, but dreading it regardless. "I probably should get going - damn, I don't think I'll have time to change into my robes, either."
The girls waved her off, spouting words of encouragement. "You can come back and change after you talk to them," Emmeline said, standing from her seat and pulling Lily along.
Lily caught the peculiar look on Marlene's face. "Tell us how it goes, yes?"
"Of course," Lily replied with narrowed eyes. "Why -"
"Come on," Emmeline said, dragging her out the door. "Can't be late, can we?"
Lily shut the door behind her securely, allowing Emmeline to lead the way towards the front of the train when the two girls halted at a sound from the opposite end from behind them; two students bickering, it appeared, and rather heatedly.
She turned back to take a half-step towards them when another sound could be heard - a compartment door slamming open nearer to where the two students were arguing.
Out stuck a head - with wild, curled black hair.
Lily recognized the curls immediately.
"Oi!" called James Potter's voice; much more deep and rich than she'd ever recalled it being. He stuck half his body out the door - his back to her - dressed already in his starched-white school shirt that seemed way too snug across the width of his shoulders. His head nearly bumped against the top of the doorway. "What are you two doing?"
The two student's whirled towards the older boy and Lily could just make out the twin looks of chastised nervousness. "Oh, uh -" one of them started.
Lily caught sight of Remus stepping out from behind Potter, also dressed in his school uniform, plus robe.
"Come on," Emmeline said under her breath; her tone amused. "Looks like they've got it taken care of."
"But - " Lily started, unsure and a tad worried about the outcome when it came to Potter's involvement in anything .
"They're fine," her friend insisted, grabbing a hold of her elbow to redirect onto the correct path. "Lupin's there."
"Alright," Lily said with a laugh at the witch's insistence.
She glanced over her shoulder one last time.
Potter was stepping out of the compartment fully, his arms crossing as he approached the younger students. She was keen to turn back around and interrupt - but Emmeline's hold was strong.
By the time they reached the Prefect's compartment two carriages up, nerves had begun to flutter in Lily's stomach. Emmeline opened the door and a few closest to them turned their heads in curiosity - Lily caught sight of those who had to double-take, no doubt surprised at her appearance.
She'd had the foresight to pin her Head Girl badge to her jumper, relieved when she caught sight of other students not yet dressed in their robes either. Her and Emmeline's arrival hadn't been immediately obvious; but there was an increase of hushed silence as the students began to take notice.
In the back of the compartment Lily caught sight of Snape sitting next to the other Slytherin Prefects, his head bowed and arms crossed as he waited. She saw the moment 6th Year Prefect, Evans Rosier, knocked his elbow into Snape's side.
Her ex-best friend visibly snarled, likely demanding Rosier why he'd done that - before his fellow housemate pointed his chin towards Lily's position at the front.
With furrowed brows, Snape looked her way, his gaze snapping onto hers almost immediately before they widened. His mouth dropped open.
Lily looked away before he revealed any other reactions. "I'm nervous," she admitted under breath to Emmeline.
Emmeline squeezed her arm. "You'll be great."
Lily was scanning the compartment to count heads; nearly six per house, she knew. They appeared only to be missing the Gryffindor 7th Year Prefect - and what Lily assumed - Head Boy.
When Dumbledore had arrived to deliver her letter and chat about the upcoming year, the realization hadn't struck her for another day that she'd be paired with a male cohort - of whom she'd wracked her brain on the possibilities. God, she had prayed it wouldn't be Severus - for he was a contender, she knew. But he sat now, without the Head Boy badge. That left one other viable option.
"Should we go back and grab him?" Lily said, loud enough for Emmeline to hear.
"Grab who?" Emmeline asked.
"Remus," she said with a laugh. "He's Head Boy, isn't he?"
Emmeline smiled, a weak and sheepish thing. "About that…"
"What?"
"Er, well -"
Lily gave her a keen look. "Em. What are you not telling me?"
Emmeline laughed nervously. "Well -"
The door to the compartment opened just behind them.
Lily automatically twisted her neck to look, catching sight of Remus in the doorway as he grinned apologetically as he stepped into the compartment.
Behind him, Potter followed, his eyes scanning the room just before they landed on her.
He'd certainly grown, she could now see. His face was more square, his jawline sharper. His fringe fell atop his glasses, longer than she'd seen it. There was a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.
Her eyes fell to his chest, where a shiny, gold badge pinned to the breast of his shirt caught her attention.
Her mouth dropped open in shock. "Potter? "
He grinned, the reaction genuine. "Alright, Evans?"