The Great Council of No-Dancing
The grand meeting hall of New No-Dance City, formerly a Dark Elf temple of Khaine (now featuring comfortable chairs and excellent acoustics), hosted what might have been the most unusual diplomatic gathering in Warhammer world history.
Barry the Bear, wearing a specially tailored diplomatic suit, stood at a podium decorated with both "Peace Through Commerce" and "No Dancing Allowed" banners. Behind him, Mayor-Boss Squeekrit adjusted his monocle while Guard-Captain Grimtoof arranged the refreshments with surprising delicacy.
The gathered delegations were a sight to behold:
Thorgrim Grudgebearer sat with his legal advisor, Friedrich von Rechtswegen of the Empire's Bar Association, who was presenting his findings: "By classifying New No-Dance City's inhabitants as 'subspecies ex-slaves of positive economic intent,' we can technically avoid triggering any existing grudges while maintaining trade relations. Provided, of course, they continue their excellent coffee exports."
The High Elf delegation, led by Tyrion and Teclis, were engaged in heated debate:
"The Druchii have never been more vulnerable," Tyrion insisted.
"True," Teclis replied, sipping his Barry's Special Blend, "but have you tried these scones?"
Lord Kroak, representing the Lizardmen, sat in enigmatic silence, though someone had placed a "World's Best Ancient One" coffee mug in front of him. Occasionally, he would ribbit in what seemed like approval.
Greasus Goldtooth's representatives were already signing franchise agreements for "Barry's Brew - Ogre Kingdom Edition," while calculating profit margins on their fingers.
Karl Franz and Louen Leoncoeur shared a table, both trying to maintain regal dignity while eating pastries that Barry had personally baked that morning.
"The strategic implications—" Karl Franz began.
"Are delicious," Louen finished, reaching for another croissant.
At the back of the room, Snazzle was doing brisk business selling commemorative hats to all delegations, including a special line of hat-compatible crowns.
Barry approached the podium, adjusted his tie, and began:
"GROWL (translated by Squeekrit): Welcome to the First International Council of Cooperative Commerce and Non-Aggressive Expansion, or as we like to call it, 'Making Money Not War.'"
The presentations that followed included:
"Why Dancing Leads to Evil: A Statistical Analysis" by Squeekrit
"PROPER WORKPLACE SAFETY IN WARFARE" by Grimtoof
"Hat-Based Diplomacy: A New Approach" by Snazzle
"Investment Opportunities in Post-Dark Elf Real Estate" by Barry
Thorgrim's lawyer stood up: "I propose we classify this entire city as a 'Neutral Economic Anomaly Zone,' thereby bypassing all existing racial conflicts through the power of bureaucracy."
"Seconded," called out representatives from every race, mostly because they wanted access to Barry's coffee supply lines.
The Lizardmen delegation passed a note: "The Great Plan says nothing about bears running coffee shops. We choose to interpret this as approval."
As the meeting progressed, several agreements were reached:
New No-Dance City would be recognized as a neutral trade hub
All races would maintain "diplomatic coffee shop franchises"
Dancing would remain strictly prohibited
Hat-based currency would be accepted internationally
Barry would teach economics at all major universities
Meanwhile, in a corner, Settra (who had crashed the meeting) was explaining to anyone who would listen why "Imperishable Blend" should be the next coffee flavor.
The meeting concluded with the signing of the "No-Dance Accords," which one Empire scholar would later describe as "the first time in history that world peace was nearly achieved through a combination of coffee, hats, and a bear's understanding of international commerce."
As the delegations departed, Barry handed out gift baskets while Snazzle fitted everyone with diplomatic hats. Squeekrit calculated the profits, and Grimtoof ensured all safety protocols were followed during the farewell ceremonies.
Somewhere in Naggarond, Malekith received the news that his enemies had united not through warfare, but through an appreciation of proper barista techniques and workplace culture.
The screaming could be heard all the way to New No-Dance City, where Barry simply added it to his ambient café playlist.