Meanwhile, In Less Reputable Corners...
The Green Summit
(Somewhere in the Badlands)
Grimgor Ironhide, greatest of all Black Orcs, sat on his throne of scavenged weapons, listening to reports about New No-Dance City with increasing confusion.
"LET ME GET DIS STRAIGHT," he growled. "DEY GOT ORCS DOIN' WHAT?"
A nervous goblin messenger adjusted his "New No-Dance City Tourism Department" hat. "They're running organic produce stands, boss. And implementing workplace safety protocols. Guard-Captain GRIMTOOF says it's 'ESSENTIAL FOR SUSTAINABLE URBAN DEVELOPMENT.'"
Wurrzag Da Great Green Prophet danced around the throne room, then suddenly stopped. "DA PROPHECY NEVER SAID NUFFIN' ABOUT ORCS WITH BUSINESS DEGREES!"
Another messenger, this one wearing a "Barry's Better Brew" apron, stepped forward. "They're also offering professional development courses. Three Savage Orcs just graduated with certificates in Advanced Customer Service."
Grimgor's eye twitched. "CUSTOMER... SERVICE?"
"Yes, boss. They say 'PLEASE' now. And 'THANK YOU.' Sometimes they even smile without showing their teeth!"
Azhag the Slaughterer's crown sparked with ancient intelligence. "Most peculiar. The Dark Elves' greatest defeat comes not from battle, but from positive corporate culture?"
"DEY EVEN GOT PROPER RETIREMENT PLANS!" the messenger added enthusiastically.
Grimgor stood up suddenly. "RIGHT, WHO WANTS TO GO SEE DIS FING? FOR... TACTICAL REASONS."
Every hand in the room went up.
"I hear they do excellent team-building workshops," Wurrzag mentioned casually.
Meanwhile, in Skavenblight
(Council of Thirteen Emergency Session)
Lord Kritislik, Seerlord of the Grey Seers, banged his gavel. "Order-quiet! Council must discuss-debate troubling reports of Skaven engaging in legitimate-proper business practices!"
"TREACHERY-HERESY!" screamed Lord Morskittar of Clan Skryre. "Skaven do not do honest-fair trade!"
"But profits-gains are impressive-massive," noted Lord Sneek of Clan Eshin, reviewing the financial reports. "New No-Dance City Skaven showing return-yields better than warpstone futures!"
Queek Headtaker scratched his head with a claw. "Squeekrit-traitor uses proper accounting-bookkeeping! No embezzlement-stealing! Makes Queek's head hurt!"
"They have dental plan-coverage!" someone added from the shadows.
A heavy silence fell over the council.
"...dental?" Lord Kritislik asked weakly.
"And paid vacation-holidays!"
Thanquol, who had been unusually quiet, finally spoke up. "Perhaps-maybe we should investigate-study this phenomenon? For sabotage-destruction purposes only, yes-yes!"
"Of course-certainly," everyone agreed quickly, already updating their resumes.
Back in New No-Dance City
Mayor-Boss Squeekrit was reviewing applications for the city's "Inter-Race Professional Development Program" when Guard-Captain Grimtoof burst in.
"GOT WEIRD NEWS, BOSS. GRIMGOR IRONHIDE WANTS TO ATTEND OUR NEXT MANAGEMENT SEMINAR."
Barry the Bear, wearing his "Executive Education" tie, looked up from his lesson plans.
"Also-also," Squeekrit added, "Council of Thirteen sent request-application for franchise opportunities. Say they want to 'investigate-destroy' our success, but they filled out all tax forms correctly-properly."
Snazzle poked his head in, wearing his "Corporate Relations" hat. "Should I prepare the 'Converting Violence into Productivity' orientation packets?"
In the distance, they could hear the sound of arriving Warbosses arguing about proper business attire, while Skaven representatives tried to negotiate bulk discounts on coffee beans.
"You know-think," Squeekrit mused, "maybe we should write book-guide: 'How To Turn Your Enemies Into Middle Management.'"
"ALREADY ON IT," Grimtoof replied, holding up a manuscript. "CHAPTER ONE: WHY DENTAL BENEFITS BEAT DAKKKA."
Barry just smiled, already preparing a new blend called "Corporate Raider Reformed."
Chaos Warriors' Response
(Somewhere in the North)
A Chaos Champion received the reports about New No-Dance City and their successful rehabilitation programs.
"So... they're defeating evil with employee benefits packages?"
His lieutenant nodded. "They have an excellent 401(k) matching program."
The Champion looked at his spike-covered armor and skull-adorned weapon. "Do... do you think they're hiring?"
"They have a very inclusive recruitment policy," the lieutenant replied, already filling out an application.
The Dark Gods were surprisingly quiet on the matter, though Tzeentch was reportedly "taking notes."
The Forces of Destruction found themselves facing an unprecedented enemy: successful corporate culture with good benefits. As one Orc Warboss was heard to say: "WHO KNEW DA REAL WAAAGH! WAS PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT?"
And somewhere in New No-Dance City, Barry the Bear began preparing for his newest challenge: "Corporate Culture for Chaos Warriors: A Six-Week Course in Redirecting Rage into Retail."