(Disclaimer: This story contains depictions of violence, mentions of hardship, and unfunny cringe attempts at toilet humor throughout.)
Written By Caelus, For R̶u̶a̶n̶ M̶e̶i̶
Within the vast expanse of the infinite cosmos, there are many toilets that wish to evolve in order to ascend to greater waste heights. Such as one young toilet thousands of years ago on the toilet homeworld, Sewerica, around the time of the Dawn of the Commodes. The young toilet was minding its own business and spending time with its fellow toilet herd. Until one day, where a Giant Trash Can appeared out of nowhere. Inspired by the Giant Trash Can's magnificent way of collecting tons of waste/garbage, the young toilet grew taller and in an act of evolution, learned the ability to flush loudly, which all future generations of toilets inherited.
Thousands of years later, the toilet herds began to spread all over the universe. Eventually, another Giant Trash Can was discovered near Sewerica on its own moon, Potty-II, and the toilets investigated. The Giant Trash Can on Potty-II sent a piece of trash to another Giant Trash Can much further away. They figured out that in order to evolve to be closer to trash cans, they must go to the largest planet in their star system, the gigantic Publica Commode, to find Tatalov, the Ultimate Giant Trash Can that far surpassed the others.
A few brave and elite young toilets journeyed there in their Outhouse Ship. Unfortunately, while nearing their destination, the ship's onboard assistive commode, Porta-Potty 9000, went rogue with jealousy and confusion over the potential evolution, causing the Outhouse Ship to deactivate and destroy most of the onboard toilets. With only one young toilet left, it shut down Porta-Potty 9000 and prepared to enter Publica Commode's orbit…
Tatalov was found by the young toilet, orbiting Publica Commode ominously. As the toilet neared Tatalov, which seemed to stretch across space and time, a lid opened and the toilet suffered through an indescribable flushing drain tunnel where poop and pee created abstract images in its bowl.
After an unknown amount of time, the toilet reached the interior of the finest public restroom in the universe, where it grew and grew until it came face to face with one last Giant Trash Can, which then granted further and the pinnacle evolution unto it. The young toilet was morphed into an All-Waste Commode, which granted the abilities of both toilet and trash can alike, allowing for infinite flushing and waste storage/disposal. The All-Waste Commode exited the public bathroom and found itself back to and orbiting over Sewerica. The All-Waste Commode flushed happily, excited that it was about to bring a new age to the toilet herds! And with that, the current age of toilets has come to end. But evolution is a continuous process, with trash cans possibly being next to evolve…
P.S. - What just happened…? That Anti-Truth Serum is some powerful stuff! I may not be into toilets too much, but at least my love for trash cans wasn't affected! Who knows, maybe this will convince Ruan Mei to finally reconsider using that drug ever again?
-From Caelus, To Ruan Mei
[Writer's Commentary: Here we are again with this stupid concept… Same deal as last time, except with Caelus as the writer this time. This one also isn't connected to the last one narratively or chronologically. To make this one different, however, I made the humor more deadpan/monotone, like it was taking itself entirely seriously. There's no dialogue or any significant aspect besides exposition, since I wasn't sure how I could make this any longer, honestly. Also, it's a large parody of one of my favorite movies of all time, 2001: A Space Odyssey, if that wasn't obvious. There's not much else to say, so I'll just end it here!]