Idle Chit-Chat (Part 3)

It was the usual occurrence on board the SSV Normandy.

Shepard sat at the end of a table, reading and attempting to take his mind off of the consistent troubles of being alone with his thoughts. If he didn't distract himself with scholarship, he would become distracted with the picture of he and Jane on his desk.

Sigh…I'm like a walking cliché. So, he thinks.

But since recently, he's allowed some new figures into his relatively personal space.

The Engineer, Tali'Zorah, who was now sitting alongside him as she had found comfort in the presence of the very person who had selected her to ride along with them, as opposed to the other humans who treated her with awkward neutrality. The ones in Engineering were fine; they at least have experienced what good she brings to the table. Those on the other decks who have yet to get to know her treat her with ignorance; it's not quite disdain; being on her pilgrimage arms her with experience in all kinds of prejudices both overt and subtle, and more commonly, unintentional. Apart from Vakarian, this treatment was more of the unintentional kind. The only one she doesn't feel this aura from is the Commander, whom had deliberately engaged in a few stimulating conversations with her, basically the only person on board that even has talked to her about anything that wasn't engineering, duties or just a sentence of mild approval. He was like this even though he was also ironically one of the quietest personnel on board. She didn't think a Commander would be a chatterbot, of course, but this was unique.

He just asked questions and listened. He never talked about himself…unless he was asked about it, of course, or if something warranted a lecture over objective things that weren't personal. Even then, he only shared the essentials, and never the details. Ask about Torfan…''it was a mission accomplished', is something he would say for example; Ask about N7 training, like she heard from Alenko once: "It was thorough." These short sentence answers are something she's come to know, even expect, out of her current acting Commander.

She guesses that she relates to this as well; after all she was a Quarian, who constantly thought about the needs of the Fleet. Whenever she talks, it would always segway into something about the Quarians, even if the Commander asked her about herself. It was as if, she self-derides, that she was a talking codex. But her problem's were the Fleet's problems, and here she was typing out onto a two handed keyboard omni-tool application another entry into a chronological report of her Pilgrimage that she must turn into the Admiralty board for intelligence purposes. Every Quarian did ultimately owe military service to the fleet if they were called upon, whether it was combat, logistics, or something else.

So, she wasn't really inspired by him through rousing speeches. But he had a dry wit and a respectable demeanor, and it made him seem more handsome even as an alien...

To pause her thoughts, the previously mentioned Turian, Garrus Vakarian, C-Sec officer, Recon Specialist and Bonafide Bosh'tet came over with a tray of food that was, for once, something more appetizing to a Turian's palate. The Quarian and the Turian briefly caught each other's eyes, and after a short silence of discontent, the Turian continued on into the chair opposite of her, while she, annoyed at his presence, continued to type away at her pad.

The Recon specialist and security officer cleared his throat, and said:

"Commander."

Shepard replies:

"Vakarian."

With a short silence, hearing only the typing of the pad and the slip of a turning page from Shepard's paperback book, Vakarian nervously eyed the Quarian and went:

"…Engineer."

Zorah stopped typing, darted her pupils up at him in a glare, but eventually replied:

"…Officer." And back she went to her typing, figuring she has better things to do to distract herself from the Turian's presence.

Vakarian picked up the utensil and started mingling with the food on the dish, then used it to take a bite of a small piece.

"Hm," he went, then nodded. No one acknowledged this, however. In the midst of chewing, he glanced over at the cover of the book that overlapped Shepard's mouth, his eyes being only visible and slowly skimming from left to right.

Once the words morphed into Palaven-standard, he immediately became curious about the final word of the title, as it is something he had been hearing as of late.

"…'The Anatomy of…" He slowly read, squinting his eye; "…Fascism'?"

"Good to know your translator is working well." Shepard replied, dryly. Suddenly, a quick snicker came from Zorah, with a subtle shrug along with it. After a couple of blinks, Garrus replies:

"Oh, was that another one of your jokes?"

"Sure."

"Uh huh," Garrus nodded, but wondered back to the title. "Hm…"The Commander, though not taking his eye off the book, raised a brow. "W-what…um…." Only then did Shepard shoot his eye off in his direction. "I'm sorry, nevermind." Shepard blinked and ignored this, going back to the book, while Zorah having also stared intently waiting on what he was to say, mirrored this by returning to her typing. Vakarian went into his food for a few more bites, but after a swallow, he looked at the title again. "Actually…sorry, permission to speak?"

"Granted."

"What does that word mean?"

"Which one?"

"…Fassshh….ism…."

"Fascism?"

"Yeah, that one."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well…" Vakarian laced his fingers together in front of them. "I've just had certain people on board refer to me as a…Fasc-ist? Is that related to Fasc-ism?"

Oh, Williams… "Yes."

"I'm just not sure if I'm supposed to be charmed or perturbed. What is it exactly?"

"It's a political function."

"Humans refer to me as a 'political function'?"

"They're referring to you as a proponent of a political function."

"…"

"It's because you're a Turian."

"Ohh…!" Came Zorah, "I get it now."

"Ok," Vakarian went, throwing his hands up. "That tells me I should be perturbed."

"Mhm," Shepard said, still delving into the words of the book.

"Now I really need to know what it is," Vakarian said, pointing a finger at the Commander. "Come on, tell me."

"Is that a request…" Shepard said, closing his book and laying it on the table. "…or is it a demand?"

"Apologies, sir," Vakarian shrunk. "It's a request, sir."

"And what will you do with that information once I tell you?" Shepard asked. "You may find that knowing the definition won't make much of a difference to you."

"It's just…" Vakarian looked down. "I'd at least like to know what I'm being insulted as, you know?" Shepard, with five fingertips down on the cover of his book, continued the side eye of Vakarian, before the Turian had ended with: "…sir."

"Fair enough," Shepard says, with an audible inhale through his nostrils. Tali was also curious now, having stopped her typing and eager to hear what explanation he has. She even thinks that, maybe, she may just start using this new insult. "If you want to know, then it must be understood that 'knowing' it is almost difficult. Almost. It's more something that is felt rather than anything with a clear-cut definition, simply because that changes depending on who you ask. Even proponents of it…such as yourself, allegedly…" This drew another snicker out of the engineer, with Garrus giving off a Turian's best 'annoyed' look. "…will define it differently from one fascist to the next. And that is by design. I would say."

"That doesn't make any sense…" Garrus said. "How can it not have a definition if its still used as an insult?"

"By design. It's often said that the last thing a Fascist would call themselves is a fascist, partly due to its stigmas, but mostly because It's vagueness is how it slowly creeps into national dialogue. It's proponents rely heavily on use of the democratic platform to implant mythologized notions of lost national fervor. It's sort've like Lucifer whispering suggestions into the ear of impressionable sinners." Shepard turned toward Tali and nodded with a hand wave, "…you know, 'Bible'."

Tali perked up: "Oh, right," after having remembered she and his conversations on Quarian and Human faiths.

"Who's Lucifer?" Garrus asked, puzzled.

"Just a metaphor," Shepard said. "The point is it's easy to fall into it the more passive its suggestions are. A slow educating process, if you will."

"I still don't get it…"

"A lot of Fascists don't get it either," Shepard said. "Seems to fit you well." Tali, again, let out a short burst of laughter.

Garrus shoots a glare at her, having been fed up. "Will you stop that!?" Then Garrus lent into Shepard's direction. "Be real, please. Is there really no definition to it?"

"Kind've."

"Kind've?"

"In the term itself, we can derive an underlying philosophy."

"Which is?"

"Fasces." Shepard answered. "The term comes from an ancient human language belonging to a social group that rose to prominence in Earth's early history. It literally just means a 'bundle'; that could mean a grouping of objects of the same kind. More specifically, this refers to a bundle of rods tied to the handle of an axe. Originally it was carried by the lictors of a magistrate to symbolize their penal authority. The nature of it's construction, however, lent later philosophers to an alternative interpretation in the form of collectivism. A bundle of sticks put together is much harder to break than one on its own. Put them together over an axe to symbolize the monopoly on violence, and suddenly you have a powerful symbol of unity."

"So…" Tali went. "…It's about unity?"

"A particular kind of it, yes."

"That…now I don't get it." Tali tapped her finger under her vocalizer. "Isn't group integrity a good thing?"

Shepard gave one eye to her then looked down at the book, reading its title. "Fascists, certainly think so."

Suddenly, it was Garrus to be the one to snicker, causing Tali to glance in his direction, and this prompted a worried feeling.

"What kind of 'unity' is this?" Tali pressed on.

Shepard softly blinked and slowly huffed in air through his nose. "An aggressive kind." Both Garrus and Tali blinked at this. "Would you like the boring details?" Shepard asked. In response, both the Turian and the Quarian laced their fingers together and rested them on the table in front.

Professor Shepard it is today. Should've just taken the G.I. Bill and gone to college…

"Loosely paraphrasing: it's a type of unity that manifests as a result of obsessive victim complexes. It's proponents are populists that work in a fragile alliance with establishment elites and pursues goals of internal cleansing and external expansion. It has a sort've 'anti-everything' catch all approach that further muddies the water, and is the reason why it doesn't have a single definition: it has no expanding idealized objective like other ideologies because it's different per practitioner. But at each of it's core is a shared characteristic of attempting to, quote unquote…'reinvigorate' a social group from its ailments, and reform political and economic systems into a highly regulated structure surrounding the promotion of said social group's integrity."

The two aliens just blinked at him in confusion.

"Basically: they hate everything except for themselves."

A short pause befell them, with Tali lost in perplexment.

That kind've sounds like stuff Admiral Gerrel would say…

But Garrus went:

"…I don't hate everything…"

"Wow, what a surprise…" Tali responded.

"The Turians don't sound like that…at least, I don't think so… I mean we observed and upheld Council cooperation, we don't expand without Council privilege."

Shepard, with an unamused glare, went:

"…and who runs the Council to enact such laws?"

"…The…Councilors?"

"Three Oligarchs, one sent from each 'Council' Race, decide both legislation as well as foreign policy. Think about it, Vakarian…despite the presence of numerous alien races within Council space, only three of them are considered 'Council' races, and only one from each race formulate a cabal to decide policy for everyone. You wanna know why that is?"

"…why?"

"They were the first to establish the Council. A war for dominance would've been devastating to all of them, so they elected an uneasy cooperation in the form of the council. They came to agreements on expansion and partitioned the Galaxy into spheres of influence. Basically, they decided which race would spread where, and what lesser races they would seek to lord over. These races were considerably less powerful and technologically developed, thus relegating them to diplomatic status to ensure economic supremacy. Some of them haven't even achieved their own Space Ages yet; the Krogan under the Salarians, for instance. The representatives are literally just there for show, to maintain an illusion of participation. They are just diplomats, while the Councilors make all the real decisions behind closed-door hearings. The Council is less of an EU, and more of a Treaty of Tordesillas."

"…what?" Garrus went.

Shepard waved a hand, "Sorry, again, obscure references to human history comes with being from Earth. Anyway…the only reason this Imperialistic origin of the Council isn't realized is because expansion eventually came to a deadlock, you wanna know why that is?"

"…"

"Loose Confederations from the Terminus systems formed together to better combat the Council; that AND the Bipedal solidarity that emerged from the Rachni wars. This deadlock became a thin boundary to define galactic order going forward. Naked imperialism was no longer viable. So they sought different means of expansion: diplomacy, commercial interference, political espionage and psyops, creating ties with warlords and pirate leaders to continue further destabilizing Terminus space."

"Okay, Shepard," Garrus said, conflictive. "You made the point, but how are humans any better? They just got introduced to the Galaxy and they already control a good portion of it. Sounds pretty expansionist to me. Besides, where did this tangent about 'expansionism' come from!?"

"You know, you're right, Vakarian," Shepard calmly retorted. "How ARE we humans any better? I mean we come in with enough force to rival the three Council races and a huge chunk of space already colonized. Is it really any surprise that a race as violent as us are being hesitantly considered for Council appointment to avoid any further conflict?"

"You're saying that humans would win such a conflict?"

"Actually, quite the opposite. Military powers are too evenly matched; humans would certainly lose in total, but the economic devastation would eventually lead to the Council's collapse under pressure from the Terminii. It would invalidate the Council's long term aims."

"…"

"Sooo…" Shepard went on. "Humanity is a convenient tool for the Council. We can do their dirty work for them and leave us to take the blame if anything goes wrong. That's why I'm here. The only reason they agreed to make me a SPECTRE is so I can cover their mistakes up all while leaning into the idea of Human aggression towards Turians. Both of you and the Krogan are here on approval from Special Activities to paint it up as a united galactic effort rather than just the Council's propaganda."

Keelah…how grim.

The two Aliens then looked at each other, and back at Shepard who had just crossed his arms and stared blankly down at the closed book. "…So yeah, I'm just a puppet with a gun."

"You know, Shepard," Garrus went. "With all due respect, I can't say I understand you. You claim this is all a setup for something worse, and yet here you are deliberately partaking in it. What's the big deal? If you're such a cynic, why not just walk away from all this?"

Shepard's brow furled, he closed his eyes for the next few moments because he became tired of speaking.

"Because I can't walk away from it…"

"I mean why!? Why can't you walk away from it all?"

Tali was staring at Garrus just as he was beginning to raise his voice; she couldn't believe the nerve of him to speak out to a superior officer like that. She shifted her gaze eagerly to see his response, hoping the Commander would reprimand him.

"It's complicated…"

"…of course it's complicated…HERON-SHIT!" Garrus yelled, which had drawn the eye of some in their general direction. Tali leaned back in her seat. "Do you believe in ANYTHING, Commander!? I want to know that the human I agreed to follow isn't just a nihilist that wouldn't think twice of sending us to our immediate deaths!"

"Vakarian!" Tali yelled out, attempting to de-escalate the perturbed Turian.

"NO!" Garrus shot back at Tali. "I'm doing you a favor here, Zorah!" Garrus then stood out of his seat and pointed his claw toward the Commander. "Tell us…what are you fighting for, Shepard!? HUH!?"

John stayed silent, just maintaining a glare at the Turian.

"Is it for Humankind!? For JUSTICE!? A BETTER TOMORROW!? AT LEAST TELL ME ITS FOR CREDITS, IS THAT IT!?"

"STOP IT, VAKARIAN!" Tali also stood out of her seat.

And here I thought this was a conversation about Fascism…

"JUST SAY IT, MAKE SENSE FOR ONCE!"

Shepard only blankly and grimly stared off into space, not bothering to answer, for it was not easy once the memories of those sounds began echoing through his head. The sounds of Elysium.

"WHAT!? TELL US WHAT IT IS!"

Suddenly, the sound of the click of an M8 Avenger came from beside Garrus, and he turned to see said weapon being pointed right in his face. It was the Gunnery Sargeant Williams in her fatigues with an intent threatening stare.

"I'll advise you to calm down before you give me an excuse…" she growled. The Turian, now seeing the seriousness he had gotten himself into, put his claws up and backed away a few steps, and followed that were a few uneasy moments of silence.

"At ease, Sargeant," Shepard finally broke through. Williams, however, kept her threatening posture. "I said put the gun down." Williams' pupil turned off to the voice of the Commander behind her, and hesitantly she obliged by dropping the barrel of the rifle and straightening up her stance.

"…aye-aye sir…" She said. Then Shepard slowly rose out of his seat and walked till he was beside her. Throughout the entire time, Tali just stared at every little thing that was going on in front of her, kept under utter perplexment of what was happening.

"Our Turian friend was just asking a question, is all," the Commander said, then he got in between her and the Turian. "We don't point guns at our friends, do we?"

"No sir…" Williams replied.

"We also don't call our friends 'fascists', are we clear?"

"…Yes sir…"

Garrus was shocked, but also sort've amused that the Commander knew the source of his problem without him ever having to say it.

"Now…I expect you to spread the gospel," Shepard said to the Force Recon Marine. "By the end of the work week, you will go around and tell everyone on the Normandy what I just told you." Ashley looked at him with a shocked and disappointed look, wide eyed and agape mouth and all. But Shepard only dipped his head while maintaining an intent stare at her. "Are we clear?" He adds. No will not be an answer. Ashley blinked a few times and swallowed some saliva. Tali couldn't help but crack out an amused smile underneath her mask of yet another creative punishment. First it was Garrus and the toothbrush, then it was both of them with the toothbrush, now Williams has to preach a social justice sermon.

"Crystal…sir."

Shepard nodded, turned and slowly strode toward Garrus. Then raising his chin, he spoke:

"I fight so that no one else dies because of me, lets just leave it at that."

Garrus only blinked. Shepard then slowly turned to walk away, picking up his book from the table on the way. When he was gone, the three of them held an awkward uneasy silence.

"Um…" Williams let out. "Sorry…" she said toward the Turian, avoiding eye contact and then quickly walking off with the rifle dangled at her side in one hand. The Turian just watched her briskly walk off, until she was out of sight, he then looked around to see all the other sailors that were staring at them had now deflected and went back to what they were doing originally. Then he went back to Tali who was just shaking her head. Just as she was sitting down, she went:

"Nice going."

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically, before sitting back down himself. He just tried to go back to his meal, but simply stared down at it trying to garner back up his appetite. Tali also tried to just go back to writing her report…though now that she thinks about it, this was probably going to be something she would have to add to the details.

He had a forkful of the Dextro food, shook the utensil in his mouth back and forth.

"What did he mean by that?" Garrus asked. Tali shot up her glance at him.

"What?"

"'so no one else dies because of him'" Garrus reiterated. "What do you think he meant by 'because of me'."

Tali wanted to tell Garrus to stop trying to push it, but she was genuinely curious now.

"Well…he's a soldier," Tali answered. "Who knows what he's been through? Maybe…he's just trying to make up for past mistakes."

"Past mistakes…"

AN: Hey everyone, sorry about the update gap. I have a lot of things I have to juggle at the moment, and it can be hard for me to find the motivation to write, especially when I feel at a loss of how I should write things. Though, I'll try to write more, hopefully I'll write some continuations of my multi part chapters since I don't want to just leave their conclusions hanging.