This Unstable Amalgam Called Life
The life story of man who has died more times than he's ever really lived. Well, it's the story about one of his lives. OC Self-Insert.
Chapter One: The Happenstance of Circumstance
So, before we dive in to this… Well, if I'm honest… This inevitable series of narrowly mitigated disasters that's brewing before us. I feel as though I should explain a few things about just what the actual fuck is going on right about now. So, in that vein… I should probably start by covering a couple basics of my life. Well, I guess lives if you want to get technical about it. Anyway, every time I've been reborn, I'm reborn exactly as I was right before I died in my first life. Which was when I was about… 25-ish?
I… Think that's about accurate at least. Probably… Maybe…
Though to be fair, I haven't thought too much about my actual age in a quite awhile. So, take that with a grain of salt. Oh, and also… I don't always have, erm… Well, I don't always have the same mental and or physical… attributes, every time. Sometimes a few… Uh, a few… localization changes are necessary so that I'm not immediately labeled as a suspicious person, as it were.
Usually just some simple changes like what language I speak, general clothing style, and a generic backstory are the extent of it. Though occasionally my face, my gender, and or personality traits, get changed around. Which is usually… a bit unsettling, to say the least. Also, something worthy of note; Anything that would make it entirely obvious that I just appeared out of thin air (literally, most times. It's very jarring) gets immediately… Hmm… I guess overwritten is a decent enough way of putting it.
E.g., If someone happens to see me appear, the memory just seemingly slips from their mind. When someone asks for some kind of legal documentation, I can just hand them any blank piece of paper. Once they look at it, it'll just become whatever it was they were looking for. These types of convenient happenings, and others of a similar nature just seem to occur regularly. It's as strange as it is helpful, really. Fun stuff.
So anyway, the generic backstory usually goes that I'm orphaned at birth by whatever disaster(s) that occur (natural or otherwise) at a temporally appropriate point. Made just another tragic story in the inner-workings of whatever world that decides to (or is chosen to, maybe?) grace me with its presence. Well… Like I said. That's Usually how it plays out. See, this is the third time in a row now that I've been dumped somewhere even remotely recognizable to me. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's the third time period. If I'm remembering correctly.
…I'm probably not, if you're curious.
It's beginning to make me think that all of this might be happening for an actual reason. There was one thing that had really caught my attention and aroused my suspicions in all three of said recognizable reincarnations though. Well, aside from the fact that I'd been fan-girling over all three of these worlds at some point in my first life. It's that they're the only ones to ever stray from the normal rebirth backstories.
All three times, I've been made the age of the main cast and inserted somewhere before one of the first big story arcs. Complete with a full backstory that gets subconsciously shoved into the back of my mind upon arrival. These memories of my new life up until the point that I appeared will just pop into my head whenever I need to recall them. Which is convenient but… Do you know how weird it is to have memories of a life you didn't experience just materialize in your head?
Very, it's very weird.
Moving on to the point though, it makes me think that this isn't some sort of cosmic anomaly that I've happened upon by chance. Like I once read somewhere, Once is chance. Twice is a coincidence. The third time is a pattern. So, it seems like I'm being chauffeured to different universes by someone or something to do… Uhh… Well, I'm not actually even sure. I guess that's just something I'll need to figure out, isn't it? That is the big question though, really. Why is all of this happening? Also something important, is who or what could be doing this. I need answers, and I haven't the foggiest idea as to where to start. Well, that's not completely true. I should probably start by heading to class before I'm late… Fucking hell… before I'm later. Ugh… God, I hate school. Send help, if you can. Please.
Konoha Shinobi Academy
And in 3… 2… 1…
"JEI SUN!" Sensei screamed right on cue.
"Why would you pick today to be late, of all days! It's graduation exam day! Do you have any idea just how important this day is to your career as a shinobi!?" Iruka-sensei bellowed, unable to mask his mother-hen like concern.
Geeze, he just doesn't know how to keep his cool does he?
"This is the day that will dictate your very future! Do you understand just how unacceptable this is!?" He continued, still intent on a lecture. Eh, I'll give him about… 3 minutes before he gives up on that. Once you get him exasperated enough, he kind of just… deflates.
"Wait… I did make it in before the exams, right?" I asked with a clearly feigned naivety.
"Yes, but-" He (futilely) started.
"So… Sorry that I'm late Iruka-Sensei, but it shouldn't be too big an issue since I didn't miss the exams. Right?" I interrupted, still trying to sound as innocent as possible. Wait, shit. I forgot; he already knows I'm an ass. I probably shouldn't bother with the sweet-little-kid-brother act.
I keep forgetting that they've known me for years even though I've only been here for about a couple of weeks. Stupid inconsistent, nonsensical, inter-dimensional, memory-related horseshit.
"I mean… I'm only like, 20 minutes late. So… It's fine… …Probably." I continued, now in my usual deadpan delivery. Fruitless attempts at feigning a forthright façade all but forgotten.
"Yes, well-" he tried again.
"Pretty sure the only thing I could have missed is… Uh, roll call maybe? I think. I'm usually asleep at that point." I said, more to myself than anything.
"…" Now he's just giving that… disappointed teacher stare. I think he's giving in.
"Wait, so just to reiterate. I didn't actually miss anything important right?" I asked, because that would frankly just be embarrassing at this point.
"…*Sigh* He'll be out of your hair soon Iruka, keep it together." He attempted to mutter under his breath.
Well… I guess that's fair, considering how much I've apparently enjoyed talking him in circles in the past.
"No… You didn't miss anything important. Just… Sit down and shut up. Please." Ah, now he's acting all defeated. Well, at least no lecture.
I guess he's remembering just how… exhausting, conversing with me can occasionally get.
I wonder if he realizes just how easy it is to wind him up, sometimes. Oh, Iruka-sensei. I'll miss these little arguments after graduation. Eh, I guess I can just pester him when I run into him around town. It's a small world, after all.
"Thanks, Sensei"
"Yeah, yeah. Keep it down" Aaand we're back to stern. Oh, sensei. Never change. Your just so… fun to mess with.
"Good morning, Jei sun-san." Sakura said, as I took the seat next to her.
"Ugh, dammit Sakura-chan. How many times do I say it? Either Jei-san, or just Jei is fine." I complained. Rather unconvincingly, honestly.
"Sorry, Jei-san" She said between chuckles. "It's just funny how quickly something so simple gets to you." She continued with mirth coloring her tone.
"Well, Jei sun-san just feels so very… Irritatingly redundant." I finished lamely.
"How long have you been bitching about that for? Give it a rest it already, Princess." Kiba threw in with his usual brash manner.
"Keep calling me that and I'll shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll have toes for teeth." I retorted.
"That… sounds excessive." Ino threw in, a look of mild concern touching upon her face.
"Keyword there Ino-chan; sounds. Princess here, is all bark and no bite" Kiba teased. One of these days, you damned dog. One of these days.
"Suck my ass, mutt." I shot back without missing a beat.
"Okay you two, that's quite enough!" Iruka-sensei admonished, clearly already fed up with our bullshit.
"Sorry, Sensei", "Sorry, Iruka-sensei" We droned in near unison.
"Now, if I can have your attention. We'll be starting the exams soon." Iruka-sensei started.
"We'll be starting with the written exam. After the first testing phase passes, we'll be moving on to the practical portion." He continued.
And so, it begins.
Well, that didn't take long. The written exam was fairly easy too. So, I've probably aced it, thankfully. Now I just have to wait to be called on for the practical exam.
"Jei sun, you're up!" Mizuki-sensei called.
Oh, that's convenient. The time really flies when you forget that it's a thing that exists. Well, this should be nice and irritating. Oh well, at least I'll finally be free of this damned place.
"Try not to fuck this up, Princess" Kiba taunted, as I walked towards the testing room. I just casually flipped him off over my shoulder.
Why must this child test me so?
"Okay, Jei-kun. Considering your… condition," Mizuki-sensei started, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think he actually cared. Prick.
"We've decided upon a more… appropriate test to gauge your ability to become a genin." He finished.
Oh. Well, maybe this will be more fun than anticipated.
Oh, wait. I should probably explain my condition a bit. See, what they think the problem is; Is that they believe was that I born with the same condition as Rock-Lee, but to a lesser extent. I can expel "chakra" from my "tenketsu" no problem, but have no ability whatsoever to shape it. Hand-seals or not. So, no Ninjutsu or Genjutsu for me. Well, again this is what they assumed. What's actually happened is that the stupid fucking someone/something doing this reincarnation business, forgot to change the magic system that my body uses after sending me here. So now I'm a fucking Nen user in a world of shinobi.
Not that having Nen instead is bad or anything, but they also deleted my special ability that I'd spent a lifetime mastering. My mastery over the basics was retained, thank god. But still, sixty plus years of cultivating my specific ability was just… gone. Luckily, I'm still a transmuter but now I'll need to either retrain for my special ability or think of another ability versatile enough to keep up with vast variety of techniques employed by shinobi. Fun stuff.
"So instead of performing the three basic academy Jutsu, we'll have you spar against a genin with one year of experience. Now mind you, you don't need to win. You just need show us that you're ready to become a shinobi." Iruka-sensei explained.
Oh, this actually sounds fun. I wonder which little twerp I'll get to beat the snot out of.
"Since the spar might take some time, and since we'll need time to deliberate on your performance; We'll be holding the spar after class, at the academy training grounds. I suggest you use this time to prepare yourself." Mizuki-sensei finished.
"Alright. Sounds fun." I stated. "I'll be sure to give it the old college try." I said as I politely bowed to my Sensei. See, I can be polite. Sometimes…
"Holy shit Princess, did you actually manage to fuck this up?" Kiba immediately asked upon my return. Cheeky little fucker.
"No, moron. I haven't managed to do anything yet, actually." I stated.
"So then if you didn't fail, then why don't you have a Hitai-ate?" Shikamaru wondered aloud, still looking as though he was asleep. Probably asked for everyone else's benefit, since he's likely already put two and two together.
"Well, on account of my condition; I'll be evaluated by sparring against a genin with around one year of experience, after class." I explained.
"Oh, right." Kiba started, and I swear to god if this little shit is about to sass me again. I will give him a Tsunade-esque finger-flick to the forehead.
"I forgot you were a lame-" He tried.
Foolish.
I was out of my seat faster than their eyes could track.
*CRACK*
"FUCK!" Kiba shouted, as he writhed on the ground, cradling his abused cranium.
"I'm sorry? Were you saying something? I couldn't hear it over the sounds of you being a bitch." I teased.
"JEI SUN!" Came Iruka-sensei's angry call. Oh, oops.
Eh, it was totally worth it.
AN: Welp, looks like I'll be continuing this after all. I know I said I'd offer some more explanation of the plot if I continued, but things should come together as the story progresses. So, it should be fine. I can say that I'm aiming for an at least 100k word story, future chapters should be maybe about twice this one's length, and updates will be slow. And I have tentative plans for a possible prequel/sequel after this one. I hope you all enjoyed and thank you for taking the time to read all of this. If you have any questions or feedback, please let me know. Take care.