124: The Difference Between You and Me

"Because I hate you."

Those words pierce me with the same mercilessness as the blade that spills my guts onto the mud-streaked ground of Alter Ego's Reality Marble.

-Diplomacy is impossible. I should have realized that from the start. Was I ever the type of guy to take an "I'm better than you" speech with a smile? Even if it was true?

Of course not. That's why I fought Julius, after all. For all that I've been humbled, for all that I tell myself that I've learned my lesson - the jealous asshole that I was that day is still a part of me. If I ran into a version of me who managed to save Rem from Ley back then, who was having some lovey-dovey romantic comedy life with her and Emilia, and my only option was to take his place or disappear…

But right now, that's not my circumstance.

So for all that I pity him, for all that I can understand his position-

Because everyone is waiting for me. Because I can't count on this moron to help them, not really. Because his ridiculous possession scheme is dubious at best.

Because, despite everything, even if the result is imperfect, even though suffering and despair may well be inevitable, I don't want to die.

-I need to fight.

I'm reborn, and again he closes the gap with incredible speed, his strange claw-like blade flashing through the air.

"[Minya]!" I shout, and the crystals dig into his flesh as his blade finds my throat. He shatters. I choke and die.

The mud rises to our ankles, and he lunges again. I reinforce my muscles and match his first attack this time, my own weapons catching his as I counter with my [Invisible Providence] -

He lets go of the weapons, slicing through the unseen hand with a dagger that follows through to lodge itself in my heart, even as my blades come down on his head.

As we die, I realize that my third command spell, the one I spent in a vain attempt to buy time for diplomacy, is back on my hand - in other words, my whole body gets reset?

"[EMT]!" I activate my magic-cancelling spell, but it does nothing to disrupt the Reality Marble - it's more permanent than Prelati's fraudulent one, I guess. A swipe from Barusu's right weapon removes my head.

"[EMM]!" I activate my absolute defense spell again. "Aren't you being unreasonable!?"

"Shut up. Do you really think buying time will help? I've seen how this fight plays out. Even with you there, the only one who could have taken down Alcides was Nobunaga," Barusu says. "You can give up on that whole 'tear Odin out of his Spirit Origin' plan, too. The second Leyline you went to was a fake that Circe created to hide the real one on her island."

…Seriously, just how thorough is this guy? "Do you really need to 100% everything!? I'm pretty sure we weren't even the type to catch every Pokemon, so why are you acting like some kind of hardcore completionist now!?"

"That's why you'll lose. If you hadn't taken shortcuts, if you had gone back to recruit every Servant you encountered, you might not have been in this situation," He says, a spiteful grin clear on his face.

"You're just jealous that I haven't died since the Minotaur attack!" I say, sticking my tongue out.

"Y-you… just how half-assed are you!?" He screams.

My spell ends, sooner than expected, and I double over as nausea overwhelms me. Mana exhaustion!? Just what-

My skull is split by a cruel blade, and I'm released from my sickness.

Should I just summon someone with the Command Spell? The mud is already up to our knees, though, and the only Servant who could kill Alter Ego in here-

(His blade is buried deep into my chest.)

-is Benkei, but since he was a Grand Servant I couldn't form a direct contract with him-

(He slices my head off.)

-Nobunaga could have at least flown above the mud, but she's…

He dashes into range again, but pauses before he swings. "...Why aren't you fighting back?"

Ah, I guess I'm not, am I? "...Will it stop you, if I do?"

I die.

"Of course not," He says.

"I guess not fighting back won't stop you either, though." I say, and I die.

"Naturally," my counterpart answers.

"In that case, I'll just ignore you and try to figure out a way out of this," I say.

It's a total bluff. Of course I won't be able to think of anything worth a damn if he keeps killing me. Even now, it's not like I'm used to the feeling of death. I'm just saying it to wind him up.

"None!" With a shout, he cuts me down again. "There is none! This is checkmate, dammit!" He kills me. "I get it!" He tackles me and I struggle to raise my head above the mud, to breathe, breathe - "I know I'm an idiot! I'm a moron who can't get anything right, even after a billion tries! But even I-!" He plunges his blade into my chest, and whips his anguished face towards my new body as it forms.

"Even I won't screw up when it's my last chance to see everyone again!" He shouts as tears start to fall from his eyes.

…Goddammit.

He staggers to his feet and walks sullenly towards me.

I close my eyes. Don't look at me like that.

I hear a splash in front of me as he falls to his knees in front of me, and I look up, towards the still dripping hole in reality above me, anywhere but at the guy himself.

"...Please," He mumbles at last. "Just one more chance. I just want… one more chance, dammit."

Shit, shit, shit.

Why?

Why did he have to finally be honest?

If he hadn't done this… I'm sure I could have fought it out to the bitter end. But instead.

"...Shit, you got me," I finally say, and he looks at me in shock. "What the hell are you doing on the ground? It's checkmate, right? S-stand proud, you fucking asshole."

"You… are you serious?" He mutters, eyes scanning me for any sign of deception.

"Ye-yeah. This is… as far as a I fucking go. Sh-shit…" I choke out through tears. "I can't get out of this. You win, fair and square."

"...Liar. Liar! I was just about to finally break down, so why-!" He screams.

"I t-told you, right?" I stammer through my tears. "Th-that's the difference. Between you and me."

"..."

"I, I told you, right?" Finally, I choke back the waterworks, forcing a wide smile onto my face. "'Natsuki Subaru' - is also someone I want to save."

He stands up. With gritted teeth, and guilty eyes pouring tears that can't even look at me straight, the other me rises to his feet.

"Th-then, I'm going to do it," He mutters. "I'll really… take your place."

"Yeah. But, before that-" There's one more thing. One last thing I need to do, if I'm going to save this moron. Because, as he is now, he's doomed to go astray and ruin everything - but there's a way to prevent that. "-[Sure Kill Trident]."

A spell, embedded in my Mystic Code, that I had no use for up to this point. I had regretted swapping out the water-walking spell for it many times up to this point. But now-

With certain accuracy, my blade shatters the Pyroxene crystal hanging around his neck, the container for the Witch of Greed that led him to this point.

-In this moment, I'm truly grateful.

"...Ah." My counterpart's eyes widen - and then, with no warning, he drops to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut, as the Reality Marble collapses.

…He's not waking up.

No matter how much I poke and prod, how much I shout at him, Barusu simply stares into space with blank eyes, totally unresponsive.

"...I was resolved to help you, and this is what you give me!?" I finally shout, kicking him. Was Echidna's destruction the trigger to defeat him? That's stupid!

But… if I'm loose now, I don't have to give up. I can return, I can stop Nobunaga from being killed - I can even… yeah, I can find a better way to save this guy, that doesn't mean I need to disappear.

"...I'm not abandoning you. I promise. I will, definitely, save you."

I crush my own heart with Invisible Providence, my eyes trained on the vacant, tear-stained eyes of 'Natsuki Subaru' to the very end. There's a vague pulling sensation, and then-