Reckless

Chapter 9

Toni stood under the steaming hot water until the pads of her fingers started to wrinkle. When she finally stepped out of the shower, she didn't feel better about how her manhunt ended. But she did feel human again. It always amazed her how little things like having clean hair and freshly shaved legs could do so much to improve her disposition. Toni combed the snarls from her hair before she wrapped it up in a tiny white hotel towel, making a rough turban on top of her head. She paced back and forth across the rough hotel carpet while she brushed her teeth. When her disposable toothbrush was bristle side up in a plastic hotel cup, Toni rinsed the taste of toothpaste out of her mouth with the bottle of jack she bought at the convenience store next door to the motel. She didn't want to be sober for what she had to do next.

After one more sip of the burning amber liquid, Toni sat down at the small hotel room desk and opened her laptop. She didn't have time to decide if she was hoping her former partner would or wouldn't pick up the call. Luke Alvez appeared on her screen before she was even fully prepared to talk to him. He answered her video call with his phone, which he was holding at an awkward angle as he fumbled with the buttons to turn the volume up.

"Hey beautiful," he teased, a broad smile warming his face. "I was just thinking about you."

Toni forced out a nervous giggle, making it much more high pitched than her usual laugh. "Were you thinking about how I was going to catch Daniel Cullen today?," Toni asked. "Because I did."

Luke's smile widened. "There was never a doubt in my mind. You're the best manhunter they've got… now that I'm gone."

Toni laughed again, but this time she didn't have to force it. She and Luke were both competitive by nature. Being partners didn't stop them from comparing their accomplishments. It only stopped them from driving everyone else on the team crazy.

"Now that you've got him, you can come home," Luke suggested. He was holding the phone on the left side of his face. But Toni could still see the edge of his eyepatch and occasional glimpses on the long jagged scars that ran down the right side of his face. He let his hair grow out during his time off from the bureau. But it looked like he'd recently cropped it short again. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"I know," Toni sighed. She'd been making excuses that she was busy with the manhunt. But really, she'd been avoiding Luke. They slept together when he was recovering from his attack, almost a year and a half ago. But the passing of time did nothing to make things between them less awkward. Toni wanted her best friend back. But Luke wanted more than a friend. Maybe that's what he always wanted, but Toni wasn't aware of his feelings until things got physical between them. She wasn't sure. And she supposed it didn't really matter. The situation was what it was. There was no taking back what happened between them.

"Oh!," Luke exclaimed. "I hope it's okay, but I stopped by earlier to see Romeo. Lucia texted me and said he was giving her a hard time, so I picked him up. We took Roxy to the dog park. And then we went out for burgers and ice cream. You should have seen how much he ate. I don't know where that kid puts it."

"Of course it's okay," Toni promised. "But you didn't have to do that." At least now she knew why her son fell asleep before their nightly scheduled call. Luke and Roxy must have run him ragged. The thought of Luke and her son together pulled at Toni's heartstrings. Luke was more of a father to Romeo than he ex-husband ever was. Romeo adored him. And not for the first time, the whole situation made Toni frustrated with herself. Luke was in love with her. It would make her entire life exponentially easier if she could just love him back. Sometimes she wondered if that kind of passion was something she needed in her life. Or if she was being selfish by still hoping to find the kind of love that made her heart jump in her chest. Maybe being married to her best friend wouldn't be so bad if it made her son happy.

"I don't know where Romie got the metabolism of a hummingbird, but it sure wasn't from me," Toni added with a soft laugh. If she even looked at a french fry, it would go straight to her ass. She worked out like crazy and she still had to watch her carbs if she didn't want her pants getting tight.

"I have more news," Luke added once he got done laughing at her joke. "Guess who's coming back to the FBI?"

"What?," Toni chirped. She didn't have to fake her excitement over that either. "I thought you were going to become a man of leisure? What happened to traveling and enjoying your early retirement?" She knew that wouldn't last. Luke wasn't happy unless he had a mission. Coming back to work would be the best thing for him.

"It's a desk job," Luke admitted with a huff. "But at least I can still be a part of the action. And not only that… but check this out!" The screen bobbled around as Luke called his giant malinois up into his armchair with him. Roxy usually wasn't allowed on the furniture. So she wriggled with excitement, licking at his face. Once the camera stilled, Toni could see that the dog was clad in a very official looking blue service harness. "There's certain advantages to losing an eye. I got Roxy officially approved through the bureau as a service dog!"

"Luke, that's amazing!," Toni replied. His phone shifted around again as Luke attempted to force his new service dog back down out of his chair. Luke didn't have much in the way of family or close friends other than his old ranger buddies. He never had a long term relationship. He loved his dog as much as Toni loved her son. Being able to bring Roxy into work with him would do wonders for his mental health.

"When are you getting back?," Luke asked. "I want to take you out to dinner to celebrate."

Toni forced a smile as her stomach twisted into a knot. Their conversation was going so well. Until Luke asked her out. She didn't have the heart to refuse him. This is why she needed two shots of whiskey before she made this call. "I'll be back tomorrow," Toni admitted. She quickly followed her words up with a ready made excuse. "But I've been gone almost a week. I need to spend some time with Romie."

"Of course," Luke agreed. "We should all go out together. I'll make reservations at that tapas place downtown. Romie can gorge himself on calamari and shrimp." The statement about her son's eating habits was so true, Toni had to laugh. He didn't exactly have the palette of a typical five year old.

"He would love that," Toni agreed. But what she would love is to end this call. Now. Before her guilt had her agreeing to more than a dinner invitation. "I'll call you when I get back, okay." Luke nodded, telling her to stay safe until he saw her again.

Toni let out a heavy sigh as she snapped her laptop closed. The lack of sleep and the events of that day were catching up with her. All her feelings about her former partner were swirling around in her mind, the guilt weighing heavily on her conscience. And she really missed her son. Before she knew it, her face was buried in her hands and sobs were bubbling out of her. Toni didn't cry often. But she felt like, once in a while, it was cathartic to let her bad feelings escape. She was shuffling towards the bathroom for a tissue when she heard a knock on her hotel door.

Toni peeked out through the peephole and immediately began cursing under her breath. She was wearing a ratty old flannel robe and a towel on her head. Her face was red and blotchy and she needed to wipe her nose. Why Spencer had to choose this moment to come knocking on her hotel room door, she had no idea. His timing could not have been worse.

Toni's feet skidded against the slippery linoleum as she darted into the bathroom. She wiped her nose as she jerked the towel off her head. She scrunched at her damp curls, cringing at her own reflection. As she headed back towards the door, she heard Spencer knock again. Patience wasn't one of his many talents, she supposed.

"Hey," Toni said, cracking her door open. "Is something going on?"

Her question seemed to frazzle him. Spencer raked his hand through his hair, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Toni took in his appearance. He'd obviously showered since she saw him last. Both of them got splattered with blood earlier. But after he showered, he must have completely redressed in a whole new suit. He even had a tie on. "Are you going somewhere?," Toni asked. "Is something else going on with the case? I can get dressed if you need me to."

"No," Spencer said, shaking his head. "I just wanted to… uh… you said once everything with the case was over, we could talk."

"Oh," Toni said, her full lips slightly parted. She did say that. She didn't necessarily mean for them to talk at ten o'clock at night. But with the way her night was already going, she might as well get this over with too. Toni stepped back, opening the door wide enough to allow Spencer into her room. He still brushed close to her as he entered, giving her a whiff of aftershave and soap. Whatever he used to clean up, it sure wasn't the little bottles of soap the hotel provided. Because he smelled like absolute heaven.

Toni wasn't sure what Spencer came to say. But the moment she clicked the door shut, he was immediately distracted by her appearance. "Are you okay?," he asked. "You look like you've been crying."

A million excuses filled Toni's mind. She had allergies. She got soap in her eye. She was in the shower too long and her face got red. But she choked on all of them. Spencer's sincere concern for her had more tears welling up, threatening to spill over and run down her cheeks. Before she could stop herself, she had her arms wrapped around his waist and her head resting against his chest. It took Spencer a moment to respond. But when he did, Toni felt his arms circle her body and pull her tighter against him.

They stayed still for a moment, breathing in time as they relaxed into each other. Toni could hear Spencer's heart beating in his chest. It felt so good to just be held. She couldn't remember the last time she hugged anyone besides her son. One of Spencer's arms was circling her waist. His other hand moved up to rest between her shoulder blades. When she felt his lips press against her forehead she tilted her chin back, looking up at him with tears still glistening in her dark eyes.

Toni's breath caught in her chest. She needed to kiss him like she'd never needed anything in her entire life. When she spoke, her objection to what was happening was half hearted at best.

"Do you think this is a good idea?," Toni whispered. "If we're going to be working together I'm not sure if we should…"