Serena and T'Preea sat at the table with me as we took our breakfast together. We had taken to eating breakfast to start our day out with each other before beginning work. I was still upset over the death of the alien and they could tell. I wasn't very good at hiding my feelings when they were still stewing, and this was most assuredly still nagging at me.

"Why didn't you just resurrect it?" T'Preea asked. "I remember you bringing those dwarves back to life after the battle with Seven."

Serena nodded, "That's right. I remember that being a huge topic after the battle. Wherever you went, the commoners and guards were talking about it. That should have been pretty easy for you if you didn't want it dead."

I sighed and tried to think of a way to explain my reasoning. Neither of them had ever wielded magic or power of any kind beyond political power. They couldn't exactly understand the responsibilities that came with it.

"I brought those dwarves back because I wasn't thinking properly," I explained. "I loved them too much and was too wound up after the battle. I felt that the show of bringing them back, the miracle of resurrection, was what was needed to cement my reputation within the hearts and minds of the dwarves. I felt I needed to do it to prove a point; to show how deeply I loved them."

I paused and looked down at my food, the eggs and ham suddenly losing its appeal as the melancholy of my decisions weighed on me, "But that backfired. Over the first few years, every dwarf who lost a loved one petitioned me to bring someone back to life. I died a little inside every time I had to refuse."

"Why would you, though?" Serena asked. "It couldn't be that difficult for you. You brought dozens of dwarves back to life all at once."

I took a deep breath, her question echoed the questions I had denied before, "Multiple reasons, really. Souls don't tend to linger once a person dies. They naturally move on. The cycle of life and death draws them to rest until they are ready to be reborn. They very rarely wait longer than a few minutes, let alone days, weeks, or months."

"Yeah, but the alien had just died," T'Preea pointed out. "You could have easily brought it back to life."

"Like I said, there are multiple reasons I didn't," I answered. "I have learned something important over the centuries, and that's that life is precious because it is fleeting. Immortality sounds appealing until you watch your friends die… or your children, or your grandchildren…"

I went silent for some time, neither T'Preea or Serena willing to comment while I wrestled with the memory of losing younger generations to time.

"Bringing someone back to life isn't a solution no matter how it might benefit me in the short term," I finally continued. "You can never tell what the consequences might be. The alien might have been grateful. Then again, it might have held a grudge and told its people to attack en masse because we were just murderous barbarians. I couldn't know what it's reaction would be because it was alien. The risk wasn't worth the possible gains."

"Then I suppose the remaining question is what you plan to do about Eric," Serena said. "After all, he did kill the thing."

"I've spoken to everyone who was in the room already," I shrugged. "Most of them were focused on me. Those who were looking at the alien believed it looked angry, but they couldn't tell if it was going to attack or not."

"And since Eric's duty is to stop a threat to your life if he sees one," T'Preea said, coming to the conclusion the other Praetorians had, "he killed it when he thought it was going to attack you."

I nodded, "I chastised him, of course. But I wonder if I was right to do so. He wasn't there the time I was shot, or the time I fell from the vertibird. He doesn't have any first hand experience with how durable I am."

"As far as he knows, you're just as vulnerable as any of us," Serena nodded, seeing where I was going.

"But she's not," T'Preea said.

"Not from attacks I can see coming," I pointed out. But every time I've been injured, it's been when I didn't expect the attack."

"And you wouldn't have seen that one coming?" T'Preea asked.

I could only shrug in response, "My back was turned and I wasn't paying attention to it. I also wasn't monitoring the ground for vibrations. I couldn't say whether he was getting up to attack or not."

"I don't think any of that really matters," Serena said thoughtfully. "What matters is whether or not you trust him enough to believe him. He's the head of your Praetorian Guard. If you don't trust him to keep you safe, or if you're going to question his actions whenever he performs his duties, then it doesn't matter what actually happened. You'll need to remove him from his position."

I looked at Serena for a moment before turning my gaze to T'Preea who nodded in agreement with Serena's sentiment.

"I suppose you're right," I sighed. "I do believe him. I suppose it's just my anger getting the best of me and causing me to doubt him. He's never really needed to act in the heat of the moment to keep me safe, and the one time he did need to, I chastised him for it. I owe him an apology."

"No," Serena said firmly. "You don't. You are Caesar. You can't apologize. Your judgment in the moment was sound. You'd lost a valuable asset and chastised the person whose fault it was. You were in the right. But you do owe him an acknowledgement of his quick thinking and faster action. He performed his duties to the letter. So he should be rewarded."

I mentally berated myself. Serena was right. Eric had never needed to protect me. No guard had ever needed to protect me. I was far more capable than they were, and I considered them to be token forces mostly there for decoration. I'd never even considered that I would actually need them to do their duty. I had been so upset about losing the Zetan that I took it out on Eric who was only doing what he'd been commanded to do. I sighed, shaking my head.

"You're right," I admitted. "I can't believe I reacted like that. The Zetan's loss was at the front of my mind and I acted like a child whose toy was taken away when all Eric did was his duty."

"Why don't we head out so you can talk with him?" T'Preea suggested. "We need to make sure everyone is ready to begin moving west again anyway."

Serena nodded in agreement as the pair stood, "I have to make sure the inspections and repairs for the few vehicle's the western Legion had are on schedule, anyway."

"I trust we can expect to continue our advance soon?" I asked as they prepared to leave.

"I don't see any reason why not," Serena replied. "They only had a handful of vehicles to begin with. The real issue will be integrating their rank structure into our and ensuring that they are aware of our battle tactics and commands."

"That shouldn't take as long since Malpaius and our original Legion members have been training all of our new recruits in Legion tactics anyway," T'Preea added. "We have new converts to the faith that will need to be indoctrinated in its core values and teachings. A good number of the new Legion members hope to become Zealots, so that will ease Malpaius' burden somewhat."

"All good news, then," I smiled. "Would you send Eric in as you leave? I'll talk to him privately."

"Of course," T'Preea smiled.

Serena grinned and made mock kissing noises as they left.

I sighed and shook my head. The two of them knew that Eric and I had grown close. They thought we were intimate even though we weren't. Still, so long as they didn't start any rumors about us, I was inclined to let them believe whatever they wanted to about us.

A few moments after their departure, Eric entered the small dining room. He remained quiet and formal as he closed the door and then moved to stand at attention by the table. He looked straight ahead, keeping things as detached and professional as he could, no doubt suspecting I was about to give him an earful. I looked up at him and felt ashamed. While we were never physically intimate, he had become a source of peace for me. He was a confidant, a friend, and something more. I was able to bare my soul to him and admit the frustrations and doubts I had with every step of our journey. We had become close and I had betrayed that closeness with my reaction.

"Hello, Eric," I said softly.

"How may I serve you, Caesar?" he asked, using my title instead of my name like he normally did in a private setting.

His formality hurt more than if he had expressed anger or resentment he might have had.

"I'm sorry," I began with the apology first. "You did your duty yesterday and I was wrong to react the way I did. I was too focused on the loss of an asset than I was thankful for the protection you provided."

He continued to look straight ahead as he replied, "You have to apologize, Caesar. I may have done my duty, but I did deny you a valuable asset in the execution of my duties. Your anger was justified."

"My anger at the loss of the asset, yes," I replied as I gazed up at him, hoping he would finally look at me. "My anger at you was not. You were trying to keep me safe and I admonished you for it. I'm sorry for that."

It took him a few moments but his eyes finally lowered to meet mine. His professional demeanor cracked enough to allow the corner of his lips to turn upward in a wisp of a smile, "It's fine, Merida. You were going through a lot with the confrontation of your grandfather and working with the rest of the Legion."

I shook my head and stood up, moved around the table and took one of his hands in mine as I looked up at him, "That's no excuse. I should have taken the situation in stride and accepted that you were doing what I trusted you to do."

His stance relaxed and he became the personable, casual man he always was with me once more, "Don't worry, Merida. I'm not angry. I was at first, but after I got back to my quarters and thought about it, I understood why you reacted the way you did."

"Still, I shouldn't have reacted that way," I replied, squeezing his hand. "It was pointed out that you should have been rewarded for your doing what you did, not punished. So if you can think of a reward that you would like for your service, you can name it. I'll give you anything within reason."

He looked down at me, his expression pressing into me with its intensity. He wanted something even as he stared down at me, and I could feel the pressure and intensity of his desire in the pit of my stomach. I hadn't been looked at the way he was looking at me since I was back home with Faren all those years ago. He stepped close, his body only inches away from me. He was so close I had to crane my neck just to be able to look up at him. My cheeks flushed red as his gaze stayed locked onto my.

"There is one thing I would like," he said as he loomed over me.

I couldn't bring myself to pull my gaze away from him even as he reached out to cup his hand to the back of my head, holding it gently. I was frozen in place, the intensity of the moment overwhelming me with curiosity and anticipation. I noticed I was holding my breath and had to exhale and take in another deep breath of air to cool myself down a bit.

"What's that…?" I asked, the words nearly catching in my throat.

He smiled confidently down at me and used his free hand to press on my back and pull me against him. I didn't realize how hot I'd grown in those few moments until I was pulled against his cool armor. The cold of the armor caused my cheeks to radiate with energy as it contrasted with the heat of my blush.

"I'll take a hug," he said as he held me close.

I couldn't describe the mix of emotions that flooded through me. There was the anticipation that was deflated, the excitement that was muddled, the exaltation of realizing he wasn't angry with me, and the simple joy of being able to hug him. They all mixed together in an amalgamation of emotions that expressed itself with a single, amused huff. I hugged him back, pressing my cheek more firmly against his chest.

We held each other for several moments, relishing the physical closeness.

When he finally released me, he was smiling like himself once more, "Don't ever be angry for your natural reactions, Merida. You have so much that you have to worry about that it's understandable that you would crack at some point. At least with me, Serena, and T'Preea, you should be able to be yourself."

I smiled up at him, my eyes beginning to tear as his understanding humbled me, "I'll try to remember that. But I'll try and keep my honest reactions to myself while others are around. But thank you for your understanding."

He brushed the back of his fingers across my cheek, bringing the blush back in full, "Thank you for yours. Now, should we get out there and show the Wasteland who's boss?"

I laughed and grinned up at him, "Just let me at them!"