Oh boy, here we are, the big reveal. I hope everyone's enjoyed getting to this point. I definitely enjoyed writing it, even though it was a challenge...
When reading angst filled scenes like these, in my experience, it either comes off as very satisfying or very cringy.
I hope it's the former haha.
Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter.
Chapter title taken from the song of the same name by Bad Omens.
KEEPING SECRETS CHAPTER 34: CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Natsu must have noticed her gasp upon seeing his Alvarez tattoo, because his face fell when he saw her expression.
This can't be happening. Natsu would never...
A thought came to her. She had JUST been through this with Gray and Avatar. Gray had been on their side the entire time, playing the enemy from within.
Of course! That has to be it! They must have offered him some deal to let him out of custody, but I bet he's working on taking them down from within! I just need to play along.
She hardened her features, looking at Natsu intently. "It's alright, I understand."
Natsu's eyebrows shot up. "Wait... you do?"
She nodded firmly. "You did what you had to do. I get it."
Natsu looked absolutely relieved at her words. A little too relieved, actually...
"Uhhh..." Jackal butted in, apparently recovered enough from Natsu's thrashing to speak again. "I don't really know what's going on... but I knew everything would work out alright!" A grin stretched across his face.
Natsu's relieved expression twisted back into a furious scowl, which he turned and directed at Jackal, causing the etherious to uncharacteristically wince and shrink back.
Behind Lucy, August observed the exchange with a critical eye. After a moment, he let out a low chuckle and smirked. "Ah. I think I see what's going on here."
Both Lucy and Natsu turned to the wizard king. "What do you mean?" Natsu asked, tone uncertain.
August's smirk deepened. "I believe Miss Heartfilia believes you are a double agent- like your friend Gray was when he infiltrated that dark guild last year." Amusement flickered in his eyes.
Natsu stiffened. Lucy's breath caught. He figured it out already?! She looked at Natsu, seeing the nervousness creep into his features. No, I blew his cover!
"What?! NO! I can't- I don't- believe this!" Zeref's cry of shock came. He staggered forward, hand clutching his chest in apparent devastation. "Natsu... after everything, you'd really betray me?!"
"Wait, what?" Jackal blurted, equally shocked. "No way! You couldn't be-"
Natsu's gaze snapped to Zeref, his face painted with raw distress. "Wait, Zeref, you really think-"
Lucy could hear her pulse pounding in her ears. Zeref's distress was about as convincing as Erza trying to act in a stage play- horribly over dramatic and painfully put on. Her eyes darted to the others around them. August and Invel looked entirely unamused, while Rusty appeared to be barely holding back his laughter.
Lucy realized what Zeref's little performance truly was.
Mockery.
But the worst part was that Natsu's distress was very real.
Zeref laughed and dropped his act. "Oh relax, Natsu. I was only kidding." He turned to Lucy, his smile curling into something sinister. "But I think I've made my point."
Lucy felt like she was going to be sick. He's... not pretending. Natsu actually believed Zeref thought he was a traitor. And he was UPSET.
The relief on Natsu's face faltered as he saw the horror in Lucy's eyes. "Lucy...I..." He clenched his fists, struggling to find the right words.
Invel's voice came, far less biting than before. "Would you like me to explain, Your-"
"No." Natsu cut him off. He took a steadying breath. "I have to do this myself. I owe her that much."
Lucy swallowed hard, her heart pounding. "Natsu... what's going on?" Her voice was small, fragile. Her mind was desperately clawing at hope he could someway, somehow, tell her this nightmare wasn't what it looked like.
"A lot's... happened this past year, Luce." He said, his words strained. His fingers reached for something around his neck Lucy hadn't noticed before- a simple silver locket on a metal chain. "A few days after me and Happy went our separate ways... I found my childhood home. The one before Igneel."
Before Igneel? But... Natsu always said he didn't remember anything before Igneel...
"I didn't know it at first." His grip tightened on the locket. "But I found this locket- my locket- from when I was a little kid. The moment I laid eyes on it … it was like… a switch in my mind had been flicked on. Memories of my childhood, of my mom and dad, of my big brother… all came flooding to the forefront of my mind.
He stepped closer, holding the locket out so she could clearly see it. Lucy hesitated, then slowly reached for it, her fingers brushing over the cool metal as she flipped it open.
Inside the locket, there was a picture of two little boys.
One was unmistakably Natsu. He really hadn't changed that much from his childhood self- same wild, spiky hair, same bright, mischievous grin. But the other boy…
Lucy frowned. Why does he look so familiar?
"That's me and my older brother." Natsu said softly.
Lucy's brow furrowed. "Okay, but I don't get-"
She glanced up and froze.
Standing behind Natsu... She saw Zeref. She looked back at the photo.
The resemblance between him and the other boy in the photograph was undeniable.
And then, realization slammed into her like a tidal wave.
His Majesty and His Highness were normal children, growing up in a quiet rural village with their parents.
August's story from earlier replayed in her mind.
Zeref's brother... was Natsu?
His Highness sacrificed himself so His Majesty could live.
Natsu...DIED... saving Zeref?!
In an act of twisted desperation, His Majesty used the magic of the etherious to bind his younger brother's soul back into his body.
Zeref... resurrected Natsu?
As an ETHERIOUS?!
Etherious Natsu Dragneel.
E.N.D.
It was all so clear now.
Now, he is determined to save His Majesty from his curse and restore their family. The entire empire supports His Highness in his goal.
Which means... Natsu…was never Zeref's prisoner.
…
… no.
No.
NO!
Lucy couldn't accept it. Tears pricked her vision.
"No... this... this isn't true. It can't be true. It doesn't make sense." Her voice was breaking.
"Lucy..." Natsu said softly.
Her head snapped to Zeref, fury blazing in her eyes. "This is all a lie!" She shouted. "You two don't even look alike!"
Zeref frowned. "Rude."
She ignored him, turning back to Natsu with clenched fists. "The Natsu I know would never turn his back on Fairy Tail to fight for Alvarez! Even if he were- somehow, impossibly- Zeref's brother!"
Before Natsu could reply, August interjected. "You know, if you truly doubt their relation, we could settle the matter with a DNA test." He shook his head. "Though I assume you will simply claim that to be a fabrication as well."
Lucy whirled on him. "Why would I believe anything you people say? You're all just Zeref's evil minions!"
Invel scoffed, almost amused at the accusation.
But Natsu flinched at her words. He looked at her intently and exhaled slowly. "Funny. When I first came to the empire, I jokingly said the same thing." He shook his head. "But I've seen it for myself, no one here is Zeref's 'minion'. They serve him because they respect him." His gaze on her was serious, unwavering. "My brother's built something incredible here, Lucy. He's given people a place to belong, a place where magic can be used the way it was meant to be."
Behind him, Rusty nodded.
Lucy let out an incredulous, disbelieving laugh. "Oh, come on, Natsu! You don't actually believe that bull! Alvarez isn't some utopia where magic is 'celebrated'- it's an empire built on blood! Do you know how many countries your 'brother' and his friends have crushed beneath their heels? How many people have been forced to bow to his so-called 'vision'? That's not respect, that's fear!"
She took a shaking breath, her voice rising with desperation. "The whole world knows who 'Emperor Spriggan' is, and he's not some kind, benevolent ruler! He's a tyrant!" Her voice was sharp, but there was a tremor underneath. A plea.
Natsu looked at her with wide eyes before an unimpressed scowl settled on his face. "I do believe it." His voice was steady, calm.
Final.
"I don't know where you heard all that stuff Lucy," Natsu continued, his tone unwavering, "but I've been here for a year now. I've seen how things operate first hand. And I haven't seen anything like that. All that sounds like Magic Council fear-mongering propaganda to me."
His eyes shone with determination and when he spoke again, his voice was resolute. "I'm proud of what my brother's built with the empire... and I'm proud to be part of it now."
His words hit her like a punch to the gut. What have they done to him? "Proud?" Her voice came out small, disbelieving at first, before it rose, sharp with outrage. "You're proud you just invaded and destroyed the place you once called home?!"
"Would you have preferred His Majesty's original plan? The total annihilation of Ishgar?" Invel interjected smoothly, adjusting his glasses. "Because that is exactly what would have happened if His Highness had not offered an alternative."
"Yeah!" Jackal enthusiastically joined in. "Boss saved your asses! Without his plan, all of Ishgar would have been toast!"
Lucy's heart plummeted even further, if that was even possible.
Boss. His Highness.
Guess that cleared up who the 'boss' Jackal kept referring to actually was.
And if that wasn't bad enough, it just occurred to her that the members of the Spriggan 12- Zeref's most elite soldiers- had been addressing Natsu as 'His Highness.'
It hit her like ice down her spine.
He's not just a part of the Empire... he's at the top. Right beside Zeref himself. Which means...
"So you're saying... you helped plan this?!" Her voice trembled, but she forced herself to keep going. "That you wanted to kidnap the First Master? That you wanted Fiore to burn? That you wanted to destroy the Magic Council?"
Natsu's brow furrowed. "The Council?" He echoed, evidently confused.
Jackal chuckled, waving a hand dismissively. "Oh, yeah... I kinda got excited during the mission and blew the place up. Again." He grinned, utterly unrepentant.
The others around them exchanged unamused looks, as if they were completely unsurprised with Jackal's little improvisation.
For a moment, Natsu's expression was unreadable. But then, to her dismay, he snorted and smirked. "Well, good riddance to 'em."
Lucy couldn't believe her ears. "How can you say that?"
Natsu exhaled and met her gaze, his expression so unfamiliar, so foreign it made her stomach turn. "Oh, come on, Lucy. The Council is nothing but a pain in the ass. Even for Fairy Tail. All they ever did was get in our way and blame us for stuff. But the moment it was convenient for them; they used us to do their dirty work." His expression darkened. "Well I'm done being used by them. Especially after what I've seen them do this past year. They needed to be put in their place- to be sent a message. So yeah, good riddance! Maybe they'll finally realize trying to dig their greasy fingers into Alvarez is a waste of time."
Lucy's nails dug into her arms. She felt like she was standing at the edge of a crumbling cliff. Natsu- he didn't just accept what the empire had done- he was justifying it. The look in his eyes, the conviction in his voice- he actually believed in it.
He continued, his voice calm, for Natsu standards, and matter of fact, as if he were explaining something perfectly reasonable. "And after listening to your little speech about the 'true state' of the empire," he mimed with air quotes- "I don't have a shadow of a doubt they would have enticed every kingdom in Ishgar into striking the Empire first, if we hadn't. 'For the good of the world, to free the oppressed people of Alakitasia and dethrone the black wizard Zeref!'" He sneered. "Something like that, I bet. And let me tell you, it wouldn't have ended well. For them or the rest of Ishgar. We proved that today."
Lucy shook her head. She wanted to argue but the words wouldn't come. The horrible, unshakeable certainty in his words shook her.
"Also, we... needed the designs for their Face weapon. And finally, ensure the Council could never get their hands on Fairy Heart."
"What? Why would the Council-" Lucy went to argue but was cut off.
"Lucy, I want you to consider something." Zeref said, his voice smooth. Patient. As if he were a teacher humoring an ignorant student. "Say things had gone differently today. Say you won-embarrassed us, sent us packing. What do you think would've happened next? Don't you think the Council would be... curious, as to why Alvarez was so interested in Fairy Tail specifically?"
A slow smirk slid across his face. "They would start digging and wouldn't stop until they found the truth. And believe me, they are VERY good at sticking their noses in business that isn't theirs'." His expression darkened. "It would only be a matter of time before they discovered the existence of Fairy Heart. Which they would no doubt seize for themselves. And more than likely, jailed everyone in Fairy Tail under some fabricated charge-'concealing black magic from the public' or something equally ridiculous."
Lucy's breath hitched. The worst thing about Zeref's words was there was a tiny, treacherous part of her that believed him… because it did sound something like the Council would do.
But there had to be a better option than starting a war so Zeref could hoard unlimited power for himself.
"You're wrong!" She shot back, whipping toward Natsu again. "Master Makarov is on the Council now! And Fairy Tail has friends- Warrod, and Jura too- who are on it. They wouldn't let something like that happen!"
Zeref chuckled. "Those three?" He waved his hand dismissively. "Sure, they're on Fiore's branch of the council. Outside the kingdom, they're nobodies. The second they tried to stand in the main branch's way of infinite magic power, they'd be removed- and jailed alongside the rest of you. Would you like me to keep going? I'm sure you don't really need me to tell you what a world where the Council had unlimited magic power would look like." He chuckled again. "But at least you would have stopped the big bad, black wizard."
His voice was laced with amusement, but the absolute certainty in his words terrified her.
Invel adjusted his glasses, his own smirk mirroring Zeref's. "Fortunately, that future has been avoided. Fairy Heart is in our possession now."
Lucy looked at Natsu, who to her horror, looked pleased. Like he truly believed he had done the right thing.
Her hands curled into fists. Every word he had spoken, every action he'd taken since stepping onto the bridge- it was all wrong. It all went against the Natsu she knew.
Her guildmate. Her best friend. The one who'd reached out to her on that fateful day in Hargeon and changed her life forever. He'd given her a home, a family. He'd been by her side through every adventure, every hardship... Every moment since joining Fairy Tail. Until this past year, that is.
And now… after everything they had been through together… he was choosing to stand with Zeref? Her chest tightened painfully.
No. I don't accept this. This isn't him.
"Natsu, listen to me," she pleaded, taking a step forward. "This isn't you. I don't know what they did to you this past year, but they must have brainwashed you, tortured you- something! But I know the real you is still in there somewhere! Please! Fight whatever they did! Come back to us!"
His eyes widened, and his mouth parted, as if he were about to say something. Lucy could see something in his eyes. Sadness, regret, maybe?
She doubled down, desperation fueling her words. "You brought me to Fairy Tail! You taught me what it meant to have faith, to rely on each other! To never give up and never turn your back on your friends! But now, you really expect me to believe you've thrown all of that away? For this ?! For Zeref?!" She pointed at the man in question with the last accusation.
Silence.
Zeref's expression soured, clearly displeased about being spoken of as if he weren't standing right there. But Lucy paid him no mind. Her entire being was focused on the man standing in front of her, the friend she knew- the friend that she refused to lose- searching, pleading, for a sign that this was some horrible mistake.
But what followed…
The sadness and regret remained, lingering in the depths of his expression. But as he closed his eyes, exhaling deeply before opening them again, something else took its place- a quiet, steady resolve.
And when he finally spoke, his voice was firm. Unshaken.
"No, Lucy. You're wrong. I haven't thrown anything away." His tone was eerily calm. "Before anything else, I made a promise to save my brother. That's all there is to it."
Her heart shattered like glass thrown to the ground.
Because she had seen that look before. That quiet, determined look. She had seen him wear it in battle, when he made promises he would fight anyone to keep. When he knew what he was going to do, and nothing—not words, not reason, not even she—could change his mind.
And at last, she understood.
Natsu wasn't brainwashed, or under some type of spell.
He truly had chosen this.
The realization was like ice flooding her veins.
Her internal lament was cut off by the sound of someone scoffing. Numbly, her gaze drifted to its source- Invel, the Winter General, staring at her with thinly veiled disdain.
"I've heard quite enough of this." He said sharply, pointing a finger at her. "Not only do you insult His Majesty to his face aboard the Imperial flagship, but your words regarding His Highness reek of hypocrisy. You accuse him of flippantly discarding his bonds with you and the rest of Fairy Tail, yet that is exactly what you expect him to do when it comes to his own brother!" His voice rose.
Lucy shook her head, attempting to remain defiant despite how she felt inside. "No, that's not-"
"That's enough, Invel."
Natsu's voice cut through the air, firm… but hollow. There was no fire behind it, no sharp edge of defiance, no instinctive protectiveness she had come to expect from him whenever someone threatened his friends.
His voice was simply… tired.
Invel hesitated a moment, before bowing slightly. "Forgive me, Your Highness. I let my emotions get the better of me and I spoke out of turn."
"It's fine."
Her fingers curled at her sides. Fine? That's all he has to say?
His gaze flicked back to her. She noticed there was something uncharacteristically fragile in his eyes now, like he was holding something back he didn't want to say.
But, after a moment of hesitation, he finally murmured-
"You weren't wrong in what you said."
The breath was stolen from her lungs.
… That's it?
There was no denial, heated retort, or impulsive, stubborn declaration he'd prove them wrong. And even worse, it wasn't that he wasn't fighting back… he was actively agreeing with them.
He stood with the enemy, among Alvarez's most elite soldiers… as one of them. And made no move to step away or push back. Or show any sign he even wanted to.
The Natsu Dragneel she knew- the one who would have incinerated armies for his friends, who never let anyone talk down to them, who never let others speak for him-
Was silent.
And that silence, thick and suffocating, spoke louder than any argument he had made thus far.
Zeref, whose amusement had long since faded, sighed before he stepped closer to Natsu- no, his brother - and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Natsu, you should take Lucy somewhere to speak privately. This has gone on long enough. You both need to breathe and calm down."
Tension in the air remained thick, unspoken arguments lingering like a storm waiting to start. But around them, the others murmured their agreement.
There was no command in his tone; it wasn't an order. And yet, Natsu exhaled, and nodded with no further hesitation. "Yeah… that's a good idea."
Lucy stared, dumbfounded.
There was no reluctance in his voice, no resistance. Only agreement.
But what was worse- so much worse- was how Lucy saw Natsu's entire demeanor shift at Zeref's words. The way his shoulders lost some of their tension, the way his jaw unclenched.
The way he looked… relaxed.
As if Zeref's words had grounded him. Calmed him.
Lucy couldn't bear the sight of it anymore.
Without another word, she turned on her heel and stormed toward the bridge's exit. As the doors opened, Natsu silently stepped ahead of her, leading her down a corridor.
Their footsteps echoed in the airship's vast, metallic halls, the silence between them heavy, suffocating. Each step felt like a countdown to another inevitable argument.
Lucy's steps were laced with confusion, anger, and disbelief. Her thoughts churned relentlessly, a storm she couldn't escape.
Ahead of her, Natsu strode forward without a word, his posture relaxed—too relaxed. He moved like he belonged here, like every corridor and doorway was familiar territory. Without hesitation, he pulled out a badge shaped like the Alvarez crest and held it to a scanner on the wall. A soft beep sounded, and the heavy steel doors slid open before them.
The sheer scale of this airship was overwhelming. It was unlike anything she had ever seen—sleek and pristine, with corridors lined with intricate metalwork and glowing runes pulsing faintly along the walls.
She didn't want to admit it, but this monstrosity intimidated her. Both its construction and its implications. It was a stark, undeniable symbol of the Empire's military superiority. There was no Ishgarian kingdom that had anything comparable to this.
Her fists clenched.
We never stood a chance against them .
When Natsu strode through the door's threshold, another realization came to Lucy- he wasn't motion sick.
Her gaze darted toward Natsu, taking in the way he moved so effortlessly. Not a single complaint, not a trace of dizziness.
Her mind reeled back, when she had first come on board, with Irene and God Serena. How both of them had recovered from their own motion sickness the moment they had come on board.
The former number one Wizard Saint had even gone so far to praise the 'magnificent prince' for its construction.
As they rounded a corner, several soldiers immediately stopped before them- or Natsu, rather- and bowed.
"Your Highness." Came the highest ranked one's voice, full of reverence.
And Natsu responded with a simple nod. "Commander." He said, tone neutral, as they walked by.
As if this was perfectly natural. Expected, even.
Another realization.
The prince.
This- this steel forged terror of the skies- wasn't just another Alvarez warship.
It had been designed and constructed with Natsu's comfort in mind.
The fact felt like another nail going into the coffin of who Lucy believed Natsu to be, further cementing his integration into the Alvarez Empire.
She stared at his back, and tried not to let her tears flood out her eyes.
This wasn't Natsu Dragneel of Fairy Tail.
Not her guildmate who'd pulled her into his world with his reckless, infectious laughter. Not her best friend who stood by her through every adventure, every hardship, every dream. Not the man she had fallen-
She couldn't even finish the thought.
Because the person standing before her now, the one leading her down these halls felt so alien.
A year. An entire year spent worrying, agonizing, searching for him. And then, believing he was locked in some Alvarez prison, enduring God knows what kind of torment.
And this was the truth?
That he was never imprisoned, that he had chosen this?
He had abandoned them. Deliberately left them in the dark.
And then, another numbing revelation rained down on Lucy.
When they had still been searching for him, before Makarov had shared Zeref's haunting statement with them.
In that ruined village- with what were now undoubtedly the graves of Natsu's parents- Wendy had caught Natsu's scent, only for it to vanish moments later. They had assumed the worst, feared he had been taken against his will, whisked away before they could reach him-
But now, it was clear.
He ran from us.
He knew we were there.
Knew we were searching for him.
And he didn't come.
Didn't try to explain. He ran from us, back to Alvarez. Back to Zeref.
A sharp, stuttering breath left her lips. Her throat tightened, feeling like something was burning in it. The betrayal sank in, cold and crushing.
It felt like her heart was breaking.
Without thinking, she let out a single, fractured whisper.
"Why?"
Natsu stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face her. His expression was unreadable, and his voice was quiet, tired.
"What?"
Lucy swallowed the lump in her throat, but it did nothing to stop the tears from finally spilling over. "How could you do this?" Her voice trembled with emotion. "How could you pick Zeref- pick Alvarez- over us?"
Something irrational in her was still screaming Zeref had done something to him, twisted his mind, that there had to be some other explanation.
Because the fact that this was Natsu's choice was unbearable.
For a fleeting moment, she saw something flicker in his eyes—hurt, maybe. But then, with a sharp exhale, he shook his head. "Lucy… it's not that simple."
"Isn't it?" Her words tumbled out. "Because I can't believe you would willingly stand by Zeref or his empire, blood relative or not! Not after everything he's done! What he did to Master Makarov during their negotiations! To Erza and Jellal, and everyone who suffered building his damn tower! To Gray's family! To me!" Her breaths came faster, harsher, but she pressed on, her voice rising like a tide that refused to be stopped. "Tartaros! I lost Aquarius to those monsters- his demons! How could you possibly stand here and defend-"
"STOP!"
His roar tore through the air like a whip crack.
Lucy froze, her heart hammering against her ribs as she stared at Natsu. His entire body trembled, fists clenched at his sides. Tears streaked his face, his expression raw and unguarded, a sharp contrast to what she had seen of him on the airship so far.
"Everything Zeref has done," he said, voice ragged, emotion in barely restrained, "everything he's become, all the 'black magic' he created… was for my sake."
Lucy sucked in a sharp breath. The weight of his words bearing down on her.
His Majesty became obsessed with resurrecting his family. He was a gifted child- a prodigy in magic. He designed the R System at age 12 and the Eclipse Gate at age 16.
August's words echoed in her head. She would have never remotely guessed who Zeref's family was.
The Tower of Heaven. The Eclipse Gate. The Etherious demons.
All of them existed because Zeref wanted his brother back.
She was staring at the ultimate reason they were made.
If her heart wasn't already broken…
When Natsu spoke again, his voice was quieter- no, exhausted. He wiped his face, as if trying to erase the evidence of his pain.
"I didn't know Gramps was in Vistarion." He murmured. "I didn't know he was coming to negotiate with the empire. If I did, I would have…" His words trailed off as he swallowed hard, clenching his fists. "But Zeref made it back before I did. I got back in time to send August to stop Ajeel from chasing you guys down. And after… after his mind wasn't clouded by the curse, when he realized what he'd done…"
His next words Lucy shook Lucy to her core.
"Zeref told me to go back to Fairy Tail."
Lucy rapidly shook her head. "What?!"
"Yeah." Natsu's expression darkened. "He realized how badly he screwed things up. And I did think about it, long and hard."
His voice firm, he continued. "But in the end, I chose to stay. I needed to stay."
That little fact was like another punch to the gut.
Her mind reeled, unable to grasp what he was saying- what it truly meant. Like a rabbit hole with no bottom, the further she went down, the worse it became.
Her voice wavered. "So that's it then? You really did want this? You're saying… the time we spent together, our friends, the guild… our WORRY for you… didn't matter?"
"Of course not!" Natsu's voice cracked, raw with emotion. "Of course it mattered!"
"Then why?!" The words tore from her, frustration and heartbreak bleeding through every syllable. "Every day since the guild reformed, I sat there, watching everyone smile and laugh, having fun together… trying to ignore how empty it all felt without you! How jobs weren't even appealing anymore! I watched those doors, waiting for you to come through them with that big, stupid grin on your face like you always do… but then you wouldn't, so I'd go home for the day. But even there I still found myself expecting I'd turn around and find you crawling through my window, or wake up with you in my bed because that's what you do, Natsu! But you weren't there! You never came back! I found everyone in the guild- everyone but you!"
Tears burned in her eyes but she pushed on. "And then, when Makarov told us what Zeref had told him in Alvarez, when we found out he had something to do with you disappearing, I-" She shook her head when the words wouldn't come. "But now you're telling me this is what you wanted ?"
Her tears were flowing freely now, but she finally managed; "I don't understand why you didn't come home."
For a long moment, Natsu just stared at her. Then, slowly, he sighed.
"I've missed you. All of you, so much." His voice was softer now, almost wistful. "Not a day goes by where I don't think about Fairy Tail. No matter what, I'll always consider it my home."
For a fleeting moment, hope sparked in Lucy's chest. Does he finally see-
Her hopes were dashed seconds later with his next words.
"…but Alvarez is my home too, now."
Her chest tightened as his words sank in. She had pressed on against the odds, against the empire, with the hope they could beat them back, find Natsu, and bring him home.
But standing here now, listening to what he was saying… her reckless, infuriating, irreplaceable best friend…
Had chosen a different path. One that didn't lead back to Fairy Tail.
"Lucy, I know how this looks." His voice was firm but not unkind. "Trust me, I know. But this is something I have to do." He ran a hand through his hair, frustration laced in every movement. "Nobody else can help my brother like I can."
Her hands clenched into fists again. Could he really not see who he was defending? What Zeref had done, what he was?! Blood ties didn't erase centuries of pain and suffering.
"Your brother-" she spat the word like venom, her voice trembling with fury. "-is the black wizard Zeref!"
With that, his expression shifted.
The soft frustration in his voice vanished, replaced by something sharper, harder. His eyes darkened, his jaw clenched, and when he spoke, his voice was short, cutting—an edge she had never felt turned against her before.
"Yeah? Well you can stop saying his name like it's the worst damn word on Earthland! He's not some force of evil- he's my brother! My family! And I won't throw him away just because you or anyone else doesn't like that!"
His words struck Lucy harder than any spell.
She'd seen him angry before—seen him fight with a fire that could tear down mountains. She had seen him furious at enemies, at the ones who hurt their friends.
But he had never, not once, looked at her like this.
Not with this fire.
Something inside her cracked.
For a long moment, she couldn't even breathe, let alone speak. The ache in her chest was suffocating. But finally, in a voice barely above a whisper-
"I thought we were your family."
The anger in his eyes flickered. His breath hitched. Guilt flashed across his face as the weight of what he had just said sank in.
He exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. "You are." He said, tone much softer now. "Fairy Tail is my family. But so is Zeref."
His voice was steadier and calmer now, but no less resolute. "Without him, I would have never been a part of Fairy Tail. I would have never met you. Any of you. I wouldn't have gone on a single adventure." His gaze drifted, just for a second, as if looking past her—back to memories long buried. "I'd just be a corpse, rotting in the ground next to my parents."
The image sent a chill through Lucy.
"Everything I have in my life… I owe to my brother." He lifted his head, eyes burning with conviction. "That's why I have to save him."
"Do you actually believe he can be saved? After everything he's done?" Lucy's voice was steadier than before, but the raw edge of emotion remained, tempered only by the weight of Natsu's earlier anger.
"I do." His answer came without hesitation, firm as steel. "Nobody could understand the hell my brother has been through. What he's had to endure, what he's had to become to keep surviving. If any of us had to live with his curse for four hundred years, we wouldn't be doing any better. If you want to blame someone, blame Ankhseram."
Lucy shook her head, grip tightening at her sides. "Natsu, you can't blame a god for Zeref's sins."
His expression darkened. "I can and I will!" He snapped, voice laced with heated fury again. "Ankhseram is the real villain! Zeref didn't want to hurt anyone-his curse forced him to! I won't let anyone act like this is what he wanted!" His voice crackled with barely restrained rage, like flames waiting to ignite. "And I'll do more than blame him- I'll DESTROY Ankhseram! Just like Igneel and I originally planned."
Lucy froze. The sheer force of his declaration sent a chill through her, but one word in particular rooted her to the spot.
"Igneel… planned?" She hesitated, choosing her next words carefully. She met his determined gaze with one of her own. "Would Igneel really approve of this, Natsu? Everything you're doing? Everything you've become?"
She voiced the question hoping- praying - it would make him see what he was doing- show him how far he had strayed from the person he was.
But instead, to her horror, his conviction only hardened.
"He does." Natsu said fiercely, with no room for doubt. "I got to see him again, Lucy. He was happy I remembered Zeref, and he was happy we were together again. And he said that Zeref was like his son too."
Lucy's breath caught in her throat. For as long as she had known him- even before she had known him- Natsu had idolized Igneel. The dragon had been his world. But now, he was saying that Igneel had loved Zeref? That he approved of all of this?
She didn't know what to say.
Then Natsu spoke again.
"There's more you should know." His voice was quieter now, but no less impactful. "If Zeref dies, I do too."
More words that felt like a physical blow.
"…what?!"
Natsu exhaled slowly. "All of my brother's etherious are tied to his magic. If he dies, they die with him." He sighed. "Requip."
The word sounded strange coming from his lips- it was Erza's word; a command she had declared thousands of times in their battles. But sure enough, a small portal flickered open, and something emerged that Natsu took hold of.
A book.
As he turned it over, Lucy's breath hitched.
The Book of E.N.D.
She had seen it before, during their battle with Tartaros. Mard Geer had held it, cradling it like a holy artifact. He claimed his true master, E.N.D, spoke to him through it, handing down his will for the other etherious to carry out.
Mard Geer told us we were doing the will of E.N.D but turns out he was full of shit.
Mard Geer Tartaros knew far less than he let on.
Lucy felt the truth of Jackal's and August's words from earlier. Mard Geer had been as unaware as the rest of them.
E.N.D wasn't some mastermind lurking in the shadows, or some demon delighting in destruction.
Etherious Natsu Dragneel.
As she stared at the book, another realization settled over her like a suffocating weight.
She was staring at Natsu's soul.
And suddenly, it wasn't surprising when he finished his statement-
"That includes me."
Fresh tears blurred her vision.
No, no. This isn't right. Natsu isn't a demon. He's not some cursed being doomed to die with Zeref. He's just…
Natsu.
The energetic, kind, reckless boy who had changed her life.
"We could have found a way," Lucy said, voice rising, desperate now. "We could have found a way to keep you alive and still destroy Zer-"
She cut herself off. Because the look on his face stole the breath from her lungs.
His expression wasn't angry, nor was it cold or indifferent.
It was sorrowful.
A deep, quiet sorrow.
But behind that sorrow, there was something even stronger.
Resolve.
Absolute and unshakable.
He had already told her. Already insisted- he wouldn't throw away his bond with his brother.
And in that moment, the truth struck her like a dagger to the chest.
He didn't want a world without Zeref.
He didn't want to be saved if it meant living on without his brother.
Finally- finally- Lucy saw it.
This was Natsu.
Still the same, protective, impulsive, larger than life fire dragon slayer she had always known.
He just wasn't fighting for Fairy Tail anymore.
He shook his head, sending the book away with a small flicker of magic. "No. This was the best plan. I know you're mad at me, but it worked. Nobody from Fairy Tail died in the invasion. The guild is safe."
Lucy stared at him, disbelief clawing at her insides. "You really think this is an ideal outcome?!"
Natsu exhaled. "It's the best I could ask for, all things considered." His voice was steady, as if he'd already made peace with this. "My world's bigger than just Fairy Tail now, Lucy. I have my brother, the empire, and everyone in it to think about, too."
Her heart sank.
She had wanted to find him so badly, to bring him home, but now…
It was like he didn't even see himself as part of them anymore.
"So you really do believe all the crap Zeref and the others were spouting on the bridge?" Despair crept into her voice, raw and exposed. "You chose to leave us in the dark. We were in your village, Natsu- where your parents were buried. You could have talked to us. But you ran."
Natsu's jaw tensed, but he didn't deny it.
Lucy felt something inside her fracture.
Despite knowing better, despite everything in her screaming not to…that it would only make things worse… her hurt got the better of her.
And she said it.
"You're not the Natsu I know."
For a moment, the words hung in the air like a death sentence.
She saw it hit him. He opened his mouth, looking as if he were going to deny it- but then he hesitated. Something in his expression shifted—his wounded reluctance giving way to something quieter, something resigned.
"…Maybe I have changed more than I thought." He admitted.
Lucy's breath caught. Have I finally gotten through to him?
But he wasn't done.
"But I don't think I could ever go back to the way I was. Not completely." Something unreadable flickered in his eyes. "I can't see myself just dropping everything, coming back to the guild, and acting like nothing happened. Like I could just goof off, pick fights with Gray, go on fun missions with you and Happy, get scolded by Erza and Gramps, and leave my brother and the empire behind like they don't matter. I'd just be a shell- pretending to be someone I'm not anymore."
Something sharp twisted in her chest. He really thinks he's changed that much? To the point of no return?
"And the 'crap' Zeref and the others were saying on the bridge, well… I'd like to know which part of it was crap, Lucy. It all sounded like the cold hard truth to me."
She was speechless.
Her lips parted but Natsu spoke first.
"Yeah, I stayed away. I went back to Vistarion instead of talking with you guys. But what did you expect me to say? What did you expect me to do?"
His voice sharpened for a second, then softened into something more fragile, more honest. "Don't get me wrong though, I'm not proud of what I did. And I'm definitely not proud of why I did it." His voice dropped. "I was afraid."
His fists clenched at his sides. "Afraid of hearing exactly what you're saying now. Afraid all of you would look at me the way you are right now. Afraid none of you would understand why I wanted- why I HAVE to save my brother." His voice carried a weight she wasn't used to from Natsu. He crossed his arms. "And it looks like I was right."
Lucy thought she was all cried out, but new tears blurred her vision.
This wasn't fair.
This wasn't how their reunion was supposed to go.
Before she could find the words, Natsu continued; "But even so, I still love Fairy Tail. All of you. Even Gray. I always will." His gaze softened- just a little. "Even if you all hate me for what I've done." He turned away. "At least... you're all safe now."
Lucy's throat tightened. It sounded like he had already resigned himself to being hated. "It just feels like you've left us behind." She murmured. Quieter still, she added, "Like you've left me behind."
Natsu didn't answer.
They had stopped in front of a door. Natsu placed his hand on the knob, twisting it open to reveal a modest but comfortable room.
"You can rest here while you're on board." He muttered. "I'm just down the hall in room 207, if you need anything. I got a private bathroom, too."
Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked away.
Lucy stood frozen in the doorway, watching his figure retreat down the hall, her heart aching in a way she couldn't put into words.
Finally, she stepped inside and closed the door, resting her forehead against the cool steel.
For the last year, she had wished- prayed- to find him, to see him again.
But now that she had, he was further away than ever.
Her words weren't reaching him.
Her heart wasn't reaching him.
She had no idea what had happened to her friend.
And now…
She didn't know if she'd ever get him back.
Ah, and now my dream of writing Nalu angst has been fulfilled.
Maybe things will be better next time... maybe.
Anyways, I'll see you next time for chapter 35, Innocence Was Long Forgotten.