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Nick stared at the mark on Charlie's neck, stunned. He had heard about hickeys, of course he had, but he had never considered that he might actually leave one. He stammered in shock. "Did I do that?"
Charlie gave him a look that clearly begged him not to be an idiot, because of course he had. "Do you think anyone will notice?"
"Yeah. I think everyone will notice." He couldn't sugar-coat it—the mark was very obvious.
"Yeah." Charlie looked away, and Nick felt terribly guilty for causing this whole mess. "But no one will know it was you."
Which, if possible, made Nick feel worse. He should tell everyone. This should be what made him come out. He wished—at the time, he had been carried away, wanting … something more, but it had never occurred to him that this might be the consequence. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I don't even know how to do that, to be honest."
That made Charlie smile. "Nick. It's fine. I … I really enjoyed it." He was actually blushing, which was adorable and did make Nick feel a little better. "A lot."
They both laughed awkwardly at each other.
A knock came on the door, Tao's voice calling out, "What are you two doing in there?" He opened the door, shirtless, and eyed them both suspiciously. "How did you get that bruise on your neck?" The uncomfortable silence that followed must have answered for them, because his eyes widened. "Oh. My. God." He glared at Nick. "You! I cannot believe it! The actual—" His tirade was interrupted by someone knocking at the door of the room. "We will be having words."
Tao shut the bathroom door when he went to answer the door. Charlie and Nick exchanged a look and followed him, just in time to see him, still shirtless, open the door to Elle and then try to cover himself, slam the door in her face, and turn to Nick, Charlie, and Isaac in a panic.
He stood there hyperventilating. "Help me! Please."
None of the three of them had anything to offer but hysterical laughter, which Tao did not seem to find helpful in the slightest.
They went down to breakfast together as soon as they were all dressed and Tao had pulled himself together somewhat. "Just friends", he'd said of him and Elle. Hardly.
Naturally, as soon as someone saw it, Charlie's hickey became the main topic of conversation for the whole tour group.
Nick felt awful, listening to people walk past their table making unkind remarks.
"I blame Nick entirely," Tao said.
He agreed. It was totally his fault. "That's fair."
"It wasn't just his fault. I was also involved," Charlie reminded them.
Tao made a face. "Ugh! No need for the gory details."
Tara giggled, and Nick couldn't help smiling.
"Oi, Charlie Spring!" Harry. Of course it was Harry, shouting across the room. "Who gave you that hickey? Oh my ..."
"Well, that's not ideal," Isaac said quietly.
Nick wished he could find it in himself to stand up and tell the whole room at once, and he hated that he just … couldn't. He glanced at Charlie's plate, feeling even more guilty when he saw that it was untouched. "Not hungry?"
"Not really."
He didn't want Charlie to go without food all day just because Nick had been hasty and impulsive and exposed him to embarrassment. "Okay. Well, um … I'll pack you a croissant, so if you get hungry later, you'll have a snack."
"You're the best." Charlie was smiling at him like he really was. Nick wished he believed it as much as Charlie seemed to.
As they got on the coach, Harry was still going off about Charlie's neck. "Something to be proud about, isn't it? Getting some action."
Someone else stopped Charlie and asked him if James McEwan had given him the hickey, because they were the only two openly gay boys on the trip.
More speculation went on as Charlie and Tao took their seat, and Tao turned round to quash it. "Leave him alone. It's none of your business."
"It … it … it wasn't me," James said, looking in their direction. His eyes were on Isaac, which made Nick feel even worse. His inability to speak up was now getting in the way of James and Isaac, who deserved to figure out if they liked each other without someone else's issues complicating the situation. "I mean, obviously, you know it wasn't me," James continued to Charlie.
Ben hovered in the aisle for a moment, looking first at Charlie and then at Nick, before moving on toward the back of the coach.
God, Nick thought. What kind of a person was he, to do the kind of thing that would result in a hickey and then not be able to own up to it? Charlie must think he was ashamed of him, which wasn't true at all. If he was ashamed of either one of them, it was himself. Because as much as he wanted to stand up and tell the entire coach full of people that Charlie was his boyfriend, that Charlie was the best thing that had ever happened to him and that the most joyful and wonderful moments he'd ever had were with Charlie, he couldn't. Something held him in his seat, something kept him from speaking. Fear of not being accepted? Nervousness about how his life would change when people knew? Whatever it was, he wished he could just get past it, but he didn't know how.