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Chapter 570 Mushroom Magic
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Something rough was under Tig's cheek, but the body he was cuddled up against felt so warm, he hated to open his eyes and wake up. His fingers stroked . . . fur. That was unexpected, but not the first time this had happened. He opened his eyes and discovered he'd spent the night naked with a cow in a barn. Also not a new experience.
His memory was pleasantly fuzzy. He'd gotten mushrooms and ate a few when he got back to his apartment. He thought he was a bull and he needed a cow. There was a small dairy about a quarter of a mile away. He remembered leaving his apartment and walking to the dairy. After that it was all a blur.
He got to his feet and looked around for his clothes. He needed to get the hell out of the barn before anyone came to start the morning milking or feeding or whatever the hell they did. He found his T-shirt and quickly pulled it on. Next, he noticed the leg of his jeans sticking out from under the cow he'd spent the night with. He tugged at the jeans. The cow protested with a loud "moo" but Tig was undeterred. He continued pulling until the cow shifted and he freed his jeans. He pulled those on. He scanned the stall one last time hoping to find his boxers. No dice. He was just going to leave them and scram.
Shoes. He needed his shoes. After much poking and prodding, the cow let out a few irritated "moos" before getting to her feet. No shoes. No underwear. No choice. He'd look for his shoes on the way back to his place. Keys. A wave of relief swept over him as he found them in his back jeans pocket. Losing his shoes and underwear were not ideal, but he could deal with that later. And at least he had his keys and could get back into his apartment. He wouldn't have to call Clay to bring him his spare.
He scurried out of the barn, closing the door behind him. He hid behind the barn to get a lay of the land. No one out yet. That was good. He ran through the pasture and instantly regretted it when he stepped in manure. Damned cows just shitting everywhere. The end of summer weather was still so warm, the manure hadn't hardened. It was soft and squishy. His feet were caked in shit. He ran just wanting to get home and clean up.
Splat! He tripped over a black boot. It was his! That was the good news. The bad news . . . his feet weren't his only body part covered in cow manure. He'd gotten it all over his clothes, his face and even in his hair. Fucking cows! This was his last time with them.
He got to his feet and searched for his other boot. After several moments, he found it. It was too late to put his boots on. He would have to clean shit off his feet and from inside his boots. Better to just keep going. He jogged the rest of the way home.
He left his boots outside his apartment door and went inside. He didn't want to walk into his apartment and track shit all over his place, so he stood on his welcome mat with the happy face on it that he'd gotten from Happy during last year's SOA Secret Santa gift exchange. He shimmied out of his clothes rolling them up carefully manure side in and put them down. Holding the small side of the rectangular happy face welcome mat, he shuffled forward keeping his manure caked feet on the mat. It was surprising how easy it was to walk this way.
Once in the bathroom, he climbed into the combination tub and shower, turned on the water and took a long shower to scrub the manure off his body and out of his hair.
Now that he was clean, he wrapped his towels around his clothes and the welcome mat and put them in the washer located in the tiny laundry room off the kitchen. He set the washer to "heavy duty" and "hot" added double the normal amount of liquid detergent and turned the machine on. Next, he grabbed his phone and sent a text to Clay saying he was sick and wouldn't be in.
He brushed his teeth and climbed into bed wearing boxers and a T-shirt. He felt awful. His body just didn't feel right. Must have been some of the stuff he did last night in the barn. He wished he could remember the fun he had, but his last memory was walking through the pasture.
His body began to ache. He grabbed some Oxy and, after hesitating briefly, he nibbled on a little of the mushrooms. They tasted like dirt but you didn't consume them for the flavor.
Tig shut his eyes and felt euphoria sweep over him. Oxy was amazing. He had made a rule with himself that he would never leave his apartment after he took mushrooms. That should keep him away from the cows.
Now this was the way it should be. He was in a land made of candy, cakes and pastries. He ate a cloud that was made of cotton candy and ate a tree branch that tasted like churros. Next he ate a flower that tasted like a strawberry cream puff. A little rabbit hopped by and Tig ate that too. It tasted like birthday cake. His eyes closed as he drifted off to sleep taken there by the Oxy.
Tig woke a few hours later feeling fine. She was back!
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Author's Note: Finished Taming Ava so that's good news for this story. If you haven't checked out Taming Ava, you really should. It's a rom com with SOA elements and it reveals what really happened to JT. It's kind of become my canon. I have a couple of big plot twists coming up. There will be a little less Jax and Scarlett while I work the Tara storyline, but then it will get heavier with Jax and Scarlett. Lots of balls in the air for met to juggle.
As for Tig's barnyard activities, they were hinted out in S2 Episode 4, Eureka. He was snatched up by bounty hunters because he skipped on a bond for "indecency in a livestock transport". He is just so shameless.