Fate/Hijacked

Chapter 20

Back at the Emiya estate, a sense of calm—albeit temporary—settled over the house. The stress and tension of the earlier battle, the of Sakura being held captive, had dissipated and everyone could finally relax, at least for the evening. However, now there was a new, less violent battle quietly brewing in the kitchen.

Shirou and Archer were at the counter, begrudgingly preparing dinner together. Their movements were synchronized but visibly strained, each refusing to acknowledge the other's presence, yet unable to ignore the necessity of cooperation if they were to truly cook up a worthy meal capable of feeding everyone currently within the household. The clanging of pots and pans and the chopping of vegetables was the only sound between them, neither man willing to break the silence. Until they could no longer ignore the instinctual need to trade verbal barbs.

"This would go faster if you'd stop hovering," Shirou muttered, gripping a knife a little too tightly as he diced carrots.

Archer, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, let out a huff of amusement. "Hovering? I'm the only reason this meal will be edible. I'm keeping you from ruining everything."

"Like hell you are. I'm perfectly capable of cooking without you."

"And yet here we are," Archer said, his voice tinged with dry amusement, "working together like a well-oiled machine."

Shirou shot him a glare but didn't respond, focusing instead on chopping the vegetables faster, as if by some miracle that would win him this unspoken contest.

Meanwhile, in the living room, everyone else was settling in for dinner. The table was filled with various dishes that had been prepared—thanks in no small part to the begrudging teamwork of the two Emiya men. Rin, trying to keep ahead of the game despite her infamous Tohsaka luck, was keeping herself busy by making some mental notes for tomorrow's discussions, though her mind wandered back to the peculiar events of the day.

Sakura, who was still recovering from the ordeal at the temple, was resting peacefully in one of the guest rooms. Rin had made sure to tuck her in comfortably.

Everyone settled in, the atmosphere a mix of relief and quiet camaraderie after the intense battle they had just endured. As the final dishes were brought to the table, everyone began to take their seats—everyone except for Lady Avalon, who, with a mischievous grin, sauntered over to Shirou and promptly plopped herself right into his lap, much to his surprise.

"W-Wait, what are you—"

Before Shirou could finish his protest, Lady Avalon leaned back against his chest, nestling herself comfortably in his lap. "Oh, don't be so uptight, darling~" she cooed, ignoring the tension that immediately spread through the room. "After all, it's been a long day. I deserve a little relaxation too, don't you think?"

Rin, sitting across the table, audibly sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Must you always be this shameless?"

Lady Avalon shot her a playful look, her lips curling into a teasing smile. "Shameless? I'm simply enjoying my time with Shirou. Isn't it perfectly natural for a Servant to care for their Master?"

"Care isn't the word I'd use," Rin grumbled, glaring at the half-succubus who now seemed determined to make herself as comfortable as possible, leaning into Shirou and resting her head on his shoulder.

Shirou was clearly flustered and tried to speak up, but Lady Avalon continued her antics, and was now already attempting to feed him. She held up a piece of meat with a pair of chopsticks, offering it to him with a wink. "Say ahh~"

Shirou's face turned crimson. "I can feed myself, thanks."

"Oh, but it's so much more fun this way!" Lady Avalon giggled, undeterred, before poking the food against his lips.

Rin's eye twitched violently. "I swear, if you don't—"

Before Rin could finish her threat, Lancer, sitting at the far end of the table, let out a hearty laugh. "You lot are hilarious," he said between bites of food, clearly enjoying the dynamic more than anyone else. "I can't remember the last time I had dinner this entertaining." The spearman, sitting with a relaxed posture, was wolfing down his food with the appetite of a true warrior, an amused grin clearly visible on his face.

Rin shot him a glare, and Archer—seated next to her—simply rolled his eyes, as if he were above the entire situation but unwilling to do anything about it.

"Calm down, Rin," Archer sighed, leaning back in his chair with a bemused smirk. "It's not like she's doing any harm. Besides," he added with a lazy glance at Shirou, "it's entertaining watching him squirm."

Shirou, face still red, tried to focus on eating his meal, though it was becoming increasingly difficult with Lady Avalon draped over him. Every now and then, she'd steal a bite of his food or lean in to whisper something playful in his ear, which only caused him more embarrassment. Despite his protests, she continued her playful teasing, very clearly enjoying every moment of it.

"Don't let her get to you, Shirou," Illya chimed in from her seat, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she watched the chaos unfold. "You'll get used to it eventually. Probably."

Lancer, meanwhile, chuckled heartily at the sight, clearly entertained by the situation. "Never a dull moment in this house, huh? I should've switched to this side earlier."

As the dinner conversation continued, Rin couldn't help but ask the burning question that had been on her mind for some time.

"So, Lancer," she began, her tone casual but her eyes sharp, "who exactly was your previous Master?"

Lancer was wholly unbothered by the question which may have otherwise been seen as a sensitive subject and leaned back in his chair with an impish grin. "Oh, that? Kirei Kotomine."

The room went still for a moment. Rin's expression quickly morphed from surprise to disbelief, and then to outright fury. "Kirei? The overseer? He's supposed to be neutral!" she snapped, her fist slamming against the table.

Lancer shrugged, unconcerned. "Neutrality doesn't mean much to him, I suppose. Besides, he's been working with Gilgamesh for years now."

Rin's eyes widened in disbelief. "Gilgamesh? He's been allied with Kirei this whole time?" she muttered, anger bubbling beneath the surface.

"The church has never been one to stick to their own rules," Archer remarked dryly, arms crossed over his chest. "And Gilgamesh has always had his own agenda. None of this should be surprising."

Before anyone could speculate further, Shirou remembered the twisted, sickening sensation that had overwhelmed them during Caster's ritual. His thoughts drifted back to the Fuyuki Fire. That same haunting malevolence had been present, lingering just beneath the surface. "That feeling during Caster's ritual… it was the same as the Fuyuki Fire."

Archer nodded solemnly, crossing his arms. "Caster was trying to manifest the Greater Grail. If that feeling was similar to what you experienced during the fire, it means there's something wrong with the Grail. That the Grail itself is tainted."

Pretender, still comfortably seated in Shirou's lap, chimed in. "A corrupted Grail, hmm? Sounds like there's something nasty in there. Could it be… a malevolent entity?"

Illya, who thus far had been quietly listening and observing from the corner, spoke up. "The Einzberns tried to cheat in the Third War by summoning Angra Mainyu, the Zoroastrian embodiment of All the World's Evil, as an Avenger class Servant. But he was an extremely weak Servant, barely stronger than a human. He was defeated easily and slain near the beginning of the war."

Rin frowned in thought. "But the Grail is a wish-granting device. What if it empowered him? What if it actually turned him into the embodiment of All the World's Evil, with the power to match? Could he have corrupted the Grail from the inside?"

The group fell silent, the weight of the realization settling in. Shirou's mind raced. They were not just dealing with Gilgamesh and Kirei, but also with a tainted, malevolent Grail that threatened everything. No longer a simple vessel of wishes constructed by magi, but a harbinger of curses and destruction.

Illya broke the silence once again, turning to Archer. "You know… if you're going to stick around, why don't you form a new contract with me? Independent Action can only get you so far, and it'll be better for all of us if you can operate at your best." Her face then pouted slightly. "Plus... I'm the only one of us here who doesn't have a Servant right now..."

Archer, to everyone's surprise, gave the suggestion serious thought before nodding with a small, almost amused smile. "It seems like the logical thing to do. Very well, I'll form a contract with you."

Later that night, Shirou, exhausted from the day's events, laid down in his futon, finally hoping to get some rest. But, as he closed his eyes, he felt a familiar warmth slide under the blanket beside him.

He opened his eyes just in time to see Lady Avalon snuggle up against him with a playful giggle, her arms wrapping around his waist. "Goodnight, darling~" she whispered sweetly, kissing his cheek.

Shirou, flustered and unsure of how to react, stammered incoherently. Flashes of memories from the previous encounters wherein his alluring Servant had invaded his bed played through his mind, causing his blush to quickly darken. "W-What are you—"

"Oh, don't be silly," she teased coquettishly, nestling her head against his chest. "I'm just making sure you get a good night's rest. What greater comfort could a healthy young man have than enjoying the company of a beautiful woman beside him?"

Shirou sighed, too tired to argue, and resigned himself to his fate. He just wanted to get a good, full rest after all the fighting and subsequent revelations. Although a not-so-small, treacherous, part of himself felt somewhat disappointed that Pretender wasn't taking her snuggling any further. He did his best to crush that line of thought down, lest he be kept awake all night due to a different kind of problem.

Lady Avalon's breath tickling his neck wasn't helping in any way.

Omake

Throne of Heroes: Artoria's Wrath, Part 20

Far in the Throne of Heroes, Artoria Pendragon's furious gaze was fixated on the events playing out in the Emiya household. Her eyes widened in disbelief as she witnessed Lady Avalon sitting in Shirou's lap during dinner, acting as if she owned the place. Or rather, that particular position. Her mouth hung open when she witnessed the half-succubus flirtatiously try feeding Shirou. But it was what happened after dinner that truly sent the King of Knights into a fit of righteous(?) fury. This damn wench was going too far three times too many!

"She's in his futon?! Again?!" Artoria's voice echoed through the throne, her fury palpable as she paced back and forth. "This is unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable!"

And why did Shirou look disappointed for a moment when the Pretender didn't do anything further to initiate another so-called "mana transfer"?! The blonde king's face fell into abject horror and desperate denial.

"Oh no... It's actually happened," she whispered quietly to herself, staring blankly ahead with empty eyes. "Shirou has been corrupted by that lustful creature's feminine wiles... Tarnished with the desire for her sinful exchanges! No, no, NO!"

Gawain, standing nearby with his fellow knights whilst observing her latest rant, raised a golden eyebrow. "Is it the lap-sitting or the futon-invasion that vexes you, my king?"

"All of it!" Artoria snapped, her royal aura flaring. "Corruption! That is what this is! My Shirou has been corrupted by her licentiousness! Did you see the look on his face when she refrained from her mana-transfer antics? Disappointment! He has fallen under her spell! She's turning him into a beast driven by the urge to indulge in the pleasures of her inhuman flesh!"

"I feel we should remind you," Bedivere interjected delicately, "that this particular instance of Sir Shirou can't really be considered yours, my king?"

Artoria shot him a glare so intense that Bedivere not-so-subtly shuffled behind Gareth for cover. "He summoned her by mistake. Fate clearly intended for me to guide him once again. That succubus stole my rightful place!"

Mordred smirked with open, mocking amusement. "Sounds like a clear case of jealousy to me. With a generous helping of possessiveness."

Artoria's face turned crimson, and she all but screamed. "This is not about jealousy! This is about principle. Shirou deserves a Servant of valour, dignity, and restraint. Not... that!"

Mordred burst into laughter. "Oh, come on, Father, give the lad a break! He's young, got hormones, and now he's got a smoking hot Servant who likes him. You really expect him to stay as some naïve little virgin boy forever?"

Meanwhile, the other Knights of the Round Table had started a lively discussion about the true farce of the Holy Grail War.

"It's a sham," Kay declared, crossing his arms. "The Overseer, supposedly neutral, acting clandestinely and conspiring with an individual like Gilgamesh? Bah! Where's the honour in that?"

"Not to mention the Grail itself," Tristan said mournfully. "Tainted beyond repair, corrupted into a vessel of destruction. Truly, this war is but a mockery of the ideals truly worth fighting for."

Lancelot nodded solemnly but brightened slightly as he shifted onto mentioning Archer's new contract. "At least Sir Archer is in good hands now. Lady Illyasviel's mana capacity is extraordinary. With her support, he will no longer teeter on the brink of disappearance."

"And we might see Unlimited Blade Works in its full glory again!" Gawain added enthusiastically. The knights murmured in agreement, their admiration for Archer's noble phantasm clear to see.

"Enough!" Artoria shouted, her face still red from Mordred's earlier taunt. "We are losing focus. The true travesty here is Lady Avalon's disgraceful conduct and Shirou's slow descent into... into degeneracy! Something must be done!"

Mordred shrugged. "Like what? We're all stuck here, Father."

Artoria opened her mouth to respond whilst preparing to draw her legendary sword, but caught sight of several of her Knights preparing to move, most likely to restrain her again if needed.

"What are you going to do, Your Majesty?" Bedivere asked cautiously.

The King of Knights stayed silent for a moment, her mind racing to come up with some kind of answer. Then, out of nowhere, something popped into her cognition. "To petition Alaya for intervention," she said grimly, her expression resolute. "Surely the Counter Force has some clause against… this sort of behaviour."

For moment that felt like an eon, there was silence.

"WHAT?!"

Omake 2: Unlimited Kitchen Woks, origins

The Emiya household kitchen was alive with the clamor of knives against chopping boards, sizzling pans, and two pairs of distinctly synchronized yet utterly competitive footsteps. Shirou and Archer had taken their cooking contest to absurd heights, their initial begrudging cooperation now fully replaced by fiery rivalry.

"You call that dicing?" Archer sneered, his eyes glinting with derision as he deftly flipped a pan of stir-fried vegetables in one hand while simultaneously filleting a fish with the other. "I've seen finer work done by blindfolded apprentices."

"Don't underestimate me!" Shirou snapped back, his chopping reaching superhuman speeds. Carrots and celery flew into his mixing bowl like a whirlwind. He shoved a pot of soup onto the stove with such determination that the flames flared higher, casting dramatic shadows across his face.

The tension escalated.

Illya poked her head into the kitchen, curiosity lighting up her expression. "Are they... sparring with food?" she asked, clearly torn between amusement and disbelief.

Lady Avalon lounged in the doorway, sipping tea and watching with rapt interest. "Oh, this is marvellous!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands. "Darling Shirou has finally embraced his true calling—culinary combat! This is better than any Grail War."

In the dining room, Rin pinched the bridge of her nose. "How is this my life?" she muttered to herself.

Back in the kitchen, the competition reached a critical juncture. Shirou and Archer exchanged a glance, and for the first time, a flicker of mutual understanding passed between them. Words were no longer enough. They needed to settle this Emiya-style.

With an audible hum of mana, Shirou's circuits flared to life. "Trace... On!" he intoned, his voice steady and focused. In his hands appeared twin reinforced chef's knives, their edges gleaming unnaturally sharp under the fluorescent light.

Archer's lip twitched upward in a smirk. "You're not the only one who's perfected this art," he replied, and with a subtle flick of his wrist, he summoned a sleek pair of his own chef knives infused with reinforcement magic. They pulsed with an arcane glow as he twirled them effortlessly.

The real battle had begun.

"Is it just me," Illya said, wide-eyed, "or are they actually using magecraft for cooking?"

"Oh, they're using magecraft," Rin replied, her voice tinged with equal parts exasperation and awe. "This is ridiculous. No, this is beyond ridiculous."

The clashing of utensils reverberated like swords in battle. Shirou's flaming sauté pan spun through the air, a veritable inferno contained in his hands, while Archer's chef knives moved with such precision that ingredients seemed to dice themselves mid-air before landing perfectly in his wok.

And then it happened.

The air grew heavy as a surge of mana exploded outward from both of them. "This is my stage," Shirou began, his voice rising as his circuits surged to their limit. "The kitchen is my domain..."

"Mine as well," Archer interrupted, glaring daggers at his younger self. "Where ingredients are prepared and dishes perfected..."

Almost unconsciously, the two of them began chanting an aria in synced unison.

"I am the bone of my ladle,

Rice is my body, and broth is my blood.

I have cooked over a thousand meals.

Unknown to hunger, nor known to fullness.

Have withstood heat to create countless dishes,

Yet these hands will never hold a sword.

So, as I pray... Unlimited Kitchen Woks!"

The kitchen walls dissolved into an endless expanse of countertops, a colossal kitchen that stretched endlessly into the horizon. Endless gleaming rows stocked with rare ingredients from all corners of the world. Floating spice jars in the skies above, clouds made of flour, and rivers of stock that simmered with rich aromas. The horizon was lined with massive grills and ovens, roaring with fires that were ready and prepared to cook a meal to perfection in mere seconds.

Lady Avalon squealed with delight, bouncing on her heels. "It's beautiful! This is art! This is love!"

Illya gawked, her jaw dropping. "They created a reality marble... for cooking?!"

In the dining room, Lancer fell out of his chair, clutching his stomach as he roared with laughter. "I've fought in wars, battled legends, faced down gods—and this... THIS is what finally breaks me!" Tears streamed down his face as he gasped for breath. "Unlimited... Kitchen Woks! Bahahaha!"

Rin, for her part, looked like she was on the verge of an aneurysm. "This cannot be happening. This cannot be real. Someone pinch me."

In the centre of it all, Shirou and Archer continued their duel, their cooking techniques escalating to levels unseen by mortal eyes. Flames roared higher, woks spun faster, and dishes assembled themselves mid-air before landing on immaculate plates.

Finally, with one final flourish, the woks settled, the flames dimmed, and the two Emiyas stood in the centre of their masterpiece: a banquet so magnificent it seemed to glow with divine radiance.

Shirou, breathing heavily, looked around in awe. "I... I did it. I created the ultimate feast."

Archer, rubbing his temples, sighed. "How the hell is something this dumb even possible? A reality marble for cooking. Looks like I really have been infected on a fundamental level by this immature idiot. What have I become?"

Lady Avalon was the first to dive in, gleefully grabbing a plate and piling it high. "Delicious! Absolutely heavenly!" she declared, swaying with joy as she took her first bite.

Illya sampled a piece of glazed fish and nodded solemnly. "Exquisite."

Lancer slapped his knee, still chuckling as he reached for his portion. "This is the best Grail War ever. I don't even care who wins anymore."

Rin, still in shock, muttered, "I... I don't even have the energy to yell."

As the group dug in, Shirou and Archer exchanged a glance, their rivalry momentarily set aside. For once, they both agreed on something: in the Emiya household, cooking wasn't just a chore. It was a battlefield—and the true winners were everyone lucky enough to taste the spoils. And watching the satisfied faces of others enjoying their food, was the best kind of reward.