[At night, Mabel is watching a movie at the Mystery Shack while eating popcorn.]
TV narrator: We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of Night of the Robot.
Man on TV: [screaming while being chased by a giant robot]
Mabel: Hurry, Dipper, the scary robot movie's on.
Dipper: Mabel you shouldn't watch that you know scary movies alway freak you out..
Mabel: What do you mean I shouldn't watch this? Scary movies don't always freak me out. [scene cuts to Mabel lying in her bed, whimpering and shivering] What if Mom is a robot? What if Uncle Sherm is a robot? What if Dipper is a robot? Dipper? [Dipper is sleeping]Psst, Dipper? Bro-Bro? [Mabel walk to Dipper bed and pokes Dipper's eye, causing him to wake up]
Dipper: What?
Mabel: Dipper, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?
Dipper: Right. (Mabel walk back to her bed.
Mabel: Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep. [goes to sleep, and dreams about running from the giant robot from the movie earlier] [The scene cuts to the next day at the Mystery Shack, with Mabel in the gift shop, panting.]
Mabel: [looks to her left] Robot! Oh my gosh! [robot turns out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and broom, and a bucket] Huh? [chuckles nervously]. [The scene cuts to Stan holding down his money on his office desk.]
Stan: How about a little music to count me money to? [turns on the radio that is next to him]
Radio DJ: [from the radio] And now for the number-one song in Gravity Falls: "Electric Zoo." [Techno beat plays from the radio. Mr. Krabs starts counting his money.]
Stan: Hey, that's pretty catchy. Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's music.
Mabel: [Mabel sweep the floor. Mabel walks by Stan' office]
Stan: [from office] I feel completely recharged!
Mabel: That sounds like Grunkle Stan. [peeks in the door hold]
Stan: Come on, little buddy, play it again. [shakes his radio] Please? One more time, for me.
Mabel: That was strange. Grunkle Stan was talking to his radio, and he said he feels "recharged." [laughs] If I didn't know better, I'd say he was... [scene zooms in on Mabel] ...a robot! Nah.
Stan: [calls the radio station] Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again.
Radio DJ: [from the phone] Hmmm... which one, man?
Stan: The one that goes "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep."
Radio DJ: No, man. You're thinking of "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop."
Stan: Bee-boo-boo-boo-boo-bop, [garbled telephone noise] bee-boo-boo-bop, [garbled telephone noise] boo-boo-bee-bop? [garbled telephone noise] Not bee-boo-boo-beep? [garbled telephone noise] Bop? [garbled telephone noise] Beep?! [garbled telephone noise] Boo-boo-bop?! [Mabel screams.]
Mabel: Oh my gosh. Why was Grunkle Stan making all those beeping sounds? Could it be that he's... [scene zooms in on him] ...a robot? Nah. [peeks into the door hold again and gasps] [Stan does a robot dance on his desk as the radio plays the techno music.]
Mabel: [jumps onto Dipper's arms] Oh, Dipper, it's terrible! Grunkle Stan... talking to radio... beeping sounds... strange dancing... robot!
Dipper: [picks up Mabel off his arms] Mabel are you sure, Stan is a robot I knew you shouldn't watch that movie.
Mabel: I'm serious, Dipper! Grunkle Stan is a robot. And I can prove it, too.
Dipper: How can you prove is Stan is a robot.
Mabel: Let's see, in the movie the robots didn't have a sense of humor! They couldn't laugh. Hey, Grunkle Stan!
Stan: [runs up to the counter] What is it, kid?
Mabel: Dipper just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it.
Stan: Is it true, Dipper? Is it hilarious?
Dipper: Umm... yeah, sure.
Stan: Well, let's hear it, kid.
Mabel: Okay, here it goes! Uh, how'd it go Dipper?
Dipper: [chuckles nervously] It went, um, uh, let's see, uh... why couldn't the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?
Stan: Why?
Dipper: It was rated... [winks] ..."Arr!" [rimshot] [laughing] Arr! Because it's... about... pirates.
Stan: I'm not paying you to do stand-up, kid! Now get back to work! [leaves]
Mabel: [gasps] Not even a chuckle! See, Dipper? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's... [the scene zooms in on him] ...a robot!
Dipper: There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, Mabel. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Stan is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you...
Mabel: Hey, Grunkle Stan!
Stan: [runs up to the counter again] What? What is it, boy?
Mabel: Our dad never hugged Dipper. Isn't that sad? [pretends to cry]
Stan: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Dipper can hug himself during his break! Now get back to work! [leaves again]
Mabel: Just like the robot in the movie. He couldn't cry either.
Dipper: Mabel, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know dad loved me very much!
Mabel: That's the final test, Dipper; the love test. Robots can't love.
Dipper: No, wait, Mabel!
Mabel: Hey, Grunkle Stan!
Stan: [runs up to the counter again] What is it, Mabel?!
Mabel: I just wanted to tell you that Dipper loves you! [Stan makes a blank expression on his face.]
Stan: Get back to work, Dipper.
Mabel: [gulps] Dipper? [Stan is at his desk writing on paper. Suddenly, the radio slows down and stops working. The radio breaks, creating smoke and the noise of a broken spring.]
Stan: Aw, my radio died! [takes out the batteries] Hmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know! I'll give 'em to Soos for Christmas. [puts the batteries in his back pocket] [A bell rings and then Stan walks over to a pot of boiling water.]
Stan: My hard-boiled egg is ready! [picks up a pair of tongs] I can already taste it. Come to Papa. [takes the egg out of the water with his tongs] Got ya! And what good is a hot-boiled egg without a little salt? [picks up a salt shaker]
Mabel: Grunkle Stan!
Stan: [breaks the egg and accidentally tosses the full salt shaker into his eyes, then proceeds to scream in pain] Oh, my eyes! [continues screaming]
Mabel: Grunkle- [Dipper puts his hand over Mabel's mouth]
Dipper: Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like?
Mabel: Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries.
Dipper: Okay, so tell me, does Grunkle Stan look anything like that?! [Stan barges out of his office, still screaming. He now has burning red eyes, the pair of tongs snipping in his hand, and the batteries in his pocket, just like the robot in the movie.]
Dipper and Mabel: [both scream]
Stan: [continues screaming as he goes into the bathroom]
Dipper: I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy!
Mabel: [runs over to the phone] Hello, Operator? Get me the Navy!
Operator: Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service.
Mabel: Dipper, the robots are running the Navy!
Dipper: Not the Navy! [over loudspeaker] Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world! [Every customer is silent.]
Dipper: Our world! [Another brief moment of silence, but then all the customers run out screaming.]
Dipper: What do we do now?
Mabel: I don't know! [notices a nickel] Hey, a nickel! [points at it]
Dipper: Mabel.
Mabel: Sorry.
Stan: [comes out of the bathroom, having wiped his eyes with a wet paper towel] Ah, that's better. [walks back to his office] Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo-boo-bop.
Dipper: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Grunkle Stan, but how?
Mabel: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
Dipper: They poop on the robot?
Mabel: Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information.
Dipper: I never thought I'd say this, but, Mabel, let's get that poop! [Dipper grabs the book titled "How to Torture" and reads it with Mabel. Mabel grabs some rope while Dipper grabs a hammer and a saw. Mabel also grabs some old comedy records. The scene cuts to Stan' office, where Dipper and Mabel enter.]
Stan: Oh, hello, kids. [Dipper and Mabel are at the door with angry expressions on their faces] What can I do for you? [Dipper and Mabel lock the door] Heh-heh, why did you lock the door? [nervously as they slowly and menacingly approach him, camera shakingly zooms towards Stan] Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?! [shot of outside the Mystery Shack where loud crashing and everyone screaming can be heard] Get your hands off me! [back in the office, Dipper ties Stan to his office chair] Mabel! Dipper! What's the meaning of this?! Untie me this instant!
Dipper: Shut up! [slaps Stan]
Stan: Hot Belgian Waffles, what the heck is going on?!
Dipper: I said [slaps Stan again] "shut up," you bucket of bolts!
Mabel: I can't take it! [runs off to the door, crying]
Dipper: Mabel, are you okay?
Mabel: Oh, Dipper, seeing you slap Grunkle Stan like that is just too horrible to watch!
Dipper: No, that's not Grunkle Stan. [shows that Stan is struggling to get out of his chair] That's Robot Stan.
Mabel: Oh, yeah.
Dipper: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.
Mabel: Right. [runs up to Stan and then slaps him]
Dipper: Mabel, you gotta ask him a question first.
Mabel: Oh, yeah. What color is Dipper underwear? [slaps him again]
Dipper: Mabel, let me handle this. [turns a light on Stan] Where's Grunkle Stan?
Stan: [confused] What are you talking about? I'm Grunkle Stan. [Dipper slaps him yet again.]
Dipper: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Grunkle Stan?
Stan: I'm Grunkle Stan!
Mabel: Where's Grunkle Stan?
Stan: I'm Grunkle Stan!
Dipper: Where's Grunkle Stan?
Stan: I am Grunkle Stan! I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am!
Mabel: This is one stubborn robot.
Stan: [confused, then angrily yells] What?! [his yelling knocks over the lamp and Mabel] You think I'm a robot?!
Dipper: We don't think; we know.
Stan: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I am your Grunkle Stan!
Dipper: [walks over to Mabel] He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.
Mabel: I got an idea. [pokes Dipper's nose] Keep an eye on him, Dipper. Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks. [runs out and returns later] If Robot Stan won't tell us where Grunkle Stan is, maybe one of his little robot friends will. [holds up a blender]
Dipper: Mabel, uhh, that's a blender.
Mabel: Yeah, but I saw Grunkle Stan talking with his radio before. He called it his "little buddy."
Dipper: Oh, really? Put it on the table, Mabel.
Stan: You're gonna interrogate my blender? You're crazy.
Dipper: We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. [Mabel sets the blender on Stan' desk. Dipper holds up a bat]
Stan: [panicking] No, wait! What are you gonna do to my blender?! That cost my money!
Dipper: Where's Grunkle Stan? [shot of the blender] Not talkin', eh? [breaks the blender with the bat]
Stan: No! That cost me $24.95!
Mabel: I guess it didn't know anything.
Dipper: Go get the toaster. [Mabel gets the toaster then puts it on Stan' desk]
Stan: No, not my toaster. That cost me $32.50! [Dipper breaks the toaster and then Mabel sets a food processor on the desk.]
Stan: $62.67! [Dipper breaks the food processor with the bat. Mabel picks up a coffee maker and puts it on the desk.]
Stan: Four... [thinks a minute before replying] Well, actually, that one was a gift. [Dipper breaks the coffee maker, which causes Stan to scream.]
Stan: No...!
Mabel: [while trying to put the cash register on Stan' desk] This is the last robot, Dipper!
Stan: No! Not my cash register! I raised it myself! I got it when it was just a little calculator! [crying] No! [sobbing and then sobbing louder]
Dipper: I thought you said robots can't cry.
Mabel: I also said they couldn't love.
Stan: [crying] I loved it like it was my own.
Mabel: Uh, at least he's not laughing.
Stan: Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share! [crying]
Dipper: Mabel, uh... how did that movie of yours end?
Mabel: The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just their... [slows down, as he realizes his mistake] imagination. [chuckles nervously, timpani noise, as if she anticipates Dipper to be angry at her, then checks his watch] Hey, it's time to feed Waddles. [quickly runs off.] [Dipper smiles nervously at Stan and then grabs a broom and sweeps the broken pieces on the floor. Stan becomes infuriated. The scene later exits from the office to the exterior of The Mystery Shack outside.]
Stan: [growls in fury, starting the background shaking] Dipper!