Chapter 3: Settling In This New World!

Elsie had parked her fire engine out behind Kazuma's mansion because for some reason he didn't want people to know about her darling red beauty, and she was now making their way to the Adventurer's Guild along with the rest of her new adventuring party to get paid for the goblins they killed. She was getting a lot of weird looks and leers as they walked down the streets of Axel, which she assumed was because of the huge hole that had been torn out of her clothes. She was using her raiment to cover up her exposed skin but the translucent pink cloth still didn't leave much to the imagination even if it was a magical artifact.

"Perhaps we should stop by a tailor before we make our way to the guild hall so that you can get a new set of clothes," Darkness suggested, seeming flustered. "All of these devilish and brutal men are simply devouring you with your eyes and it will only be much worse at the guild. So many big, strong ruffians looking upon you with such ill intent, unable to hold back their carnal desires! I would not mind if it was me who was being so perversely molested by their gazes but you should not have to be subjected to such public humiliation. Come, I'll even pay for it myself since you don't have any eris yet."

"Thanks, Darkness!" Elsie smiled up at her senior knight and new role model. She hadn't known the blonde Crusader for very long but it was clear to Elsie that she was the epitome of knightly valor and honor, everything that Elsie now wanted to be. Though she did think it strange that everyone else seemed to treat Darkness as if there were something strange about the saintly young woman. "I'll be sure to pay you back."

"No need, it will be my treat," Darkness replied. "My own clothes are in need of some repair right now, anyway, and there's a shop just around the corner that will be perfect."

"Alright, then I'll come with you." Kazuma grinned, not even trying to hide where he was looking before Aqua slapped him upside the head. "Ow, what was that for?"

"You just want to try and sneak a peak on them when they're changing, shameless Pervzuma," Aqua huffed.

"Alright, fine," Kazuma rubbed his aching head weakly. "We'll head to the guild to turn in the quest and get our reward. We can split up the money when you guys get back."

"Very well, then!" Darkness grabbed Elsie's arm and pulled her along. "We shall return once we are properly attired."

It didn't take them long to get to the tailor's shop, and Elsie's eyes widened with awe once they stepped inside. It was like setting foot in a Renaissance fair's wardrobe department, or perhaps a cosplay shop. A wide assortment of adventuring outfits and wizard robes were on display of all makes and designs. A woman stepped out from the back, alerted by the bell which rang as they opened the door.

"Ah, hello, Darkness!" The lady, who must have been the shop's proprietor, smiled. "And I see you've brought along a friend. Oh, dear, you both look like you've been through hell."

"That would be because we have just returned from the wild, where we were attacked by the most vicious of monsters!" Elsie declared excitedly. "But never fear, for our noble band was able to overcome all disasters and slay the foul beasts!"

"Oh, dear," the shopkeeper gasped.

"My party and I took Elsie and her brother on a goblin slaying quest to teach them the basics of adventuring, but we were ambushed by a pair of Rookie Slayers," Darkness explained, blushing and clearing her throat. "They were… quite brutal… One of them pinned me to the ground with such brutal force that it took all my strength just to fend it off."

"I see." The lady gave Darkness a sour look for some reason. "Well, I'm glad that you were all able to make it through that safely. They don't call those monsters 'Beginner's Banes' for nothing. Countless new adventurers have met their end after getting caught by surprise by one. I take it that you both need your clothes patched up now?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Darkness nodded. "My new companion will also be requiring a new set of adventuring gear. I'll be covering her bill."

"Alright then, let's see what I can do." The lady clapped her hands together and walked up to Elsie while Darkness ducked behind a folding screen to strip down to her undersuit. "Why don't you start by telling me what class you are, so that I know what kind of clothes you'll be needing?"

"I'm a Dark Knight!" Elsie helpfully informed the seamstress, who paled.

"W-what?"

"It's just a rare type of Warrior class!" Darkness called out before the seamstress could jump to the wrong conclusion. "Just treat her like another Crusader."

"Ah, I see…" The woman gulped, then looked around nervously. "Well, I have plenty of warrior outfits over here. Why don't you take a look at some of these."

Elsie was guided to a display of clothes designed for heavy physical activity. Most of them didn't seem to cover very much but if anime had taught Elsie anything, it was that revealing armor was generally superior in every way. That wasn't actually how it worked, of course, and Elsie had just enough self-awareness and modesty to dismiss those outfits and only look at the ones that would actually be enough to cover her body properly.

Darkness set her armor down in a pile by the front desk and handed her tattered surcoat to the shopkeeper, who quietly went to work on repairing the damage. The crusader then walked up behind Elsie, clad in just the black bodysuit she wore under the rest of her clothes.

"See anything you like?" Darkness asked as she glanced through the available outfits, then blushed and covered her face with her hands, leaving a conspicuous gap between her fingers to see through. "Oh, my! I've noticed that a lot of adventurers have been wearing rather… revealing clothes, but I didn't realize just how skimpy adventuring outfits have gotten as of late. Do women really wear these sorts of clothing?"

"It's the style right now," the seamstress gave an exasperated sigh. "To tell you the truth, I think that a lot of the lady adventurers around here are more interested in trying to win over husbands than actually adventuring. Can't say I blame them, though, with how much harder things have been getting lately."

"Some of these outfits wouldn't protect you from anything." Darkness began panting heavily, to Elsie's confusion. "If I were to wear something like this, I'd be completely exposed to all manner of attack! Every blow would hit as if I were wearing nothing at all. Enemies would be able to strike me like their own personal plaything while undressing me with their lustful eyes. I… I must try these on at once!"

Darkness grabbed a handful of clothes and rushed back behind the changing screen. Elsie thought that was odd but chose to ignore it, continuing to peruse the selection. Nothing particularly caught her eye, though.

"See anything you like?" the tailor asked.

"Hm… not really," Elsie turned to the lady.

"You know, if you have anything specific in mind, then I can always make something custom."

Elsie considered that as the proprietress placed Darkness's newly-repaired clothes down on the counter, neatly folded. What did Elsie envision when pictured himself as a noble dark knight? A clear image started to form in the young demon's head as Darkness walked back out wearing nothing but a dangerously small pair of leather shorts and a thick belt that struggled vainly to withhold her heaving bosom, a task that would have been a considerable challenge even if she hadn't been breathing heavily.

"H-how do I look?" She asked.

"I know what I want!" Elsie proclaimed loudly, pointing down at Darkness' repaired clothes "Does this come in purple?"

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

Kazuma sat with the others at a table in the guild hall, sorting their hard-earned eris into six equal piles. He didn't trust Aqua or Megumin to handle the party's money, especially Aqua, and Keima seemed thoroughly disinterested in this as in all things. So, it was up to him to handle their earnings, as per usual.

"Alright, that should do it," he said as he set down the last coin. "Here you go."

Kazuma handed one of the piles to Aqua, who had been wriggling around impatiently, and grabbed the money before hastily making a beeline for the bar. Megumin then greedily accepted her own payment, while Keima quietly pocketed his share. Kazuma then put his own eris into his coin pouch. That just left Darkness and Elsie's shares still sitting on the table, waiting for the two young women to return. Speaking of which, Elsie was skipping up to them now, humming what Kazuma recognized as the Dragon Quest Overture. She had good taste.

"Hey, guys!" she called out to them. "What do you think of my new adventuring outfit?"

Elsie did a twirl as she reached the table that the party had been seated at, showing off her very familiar new clothes.

"Not exactly original," Kazuma smirked. "That's just Darkness' outfit but with the colors inverted."

Indeed, Elsie's new adventuring clothes included a purple-and-black version of the Darkness' surcoat, though it was worn over a pair of white leggings and long gloves in place of the Crusader's bodysuit, in addition to also still wearing her usual skull hairpiece and pink raiment.

"I think it looks good." Megumin smiled and gave Elsie a thumbs up. "You almost look like a proper Dark Knight now. All you need is black armor to go with it, covered in dragons."

"Thanks!" Elsie beamed. "We also stopped by a blacksmith on the way here and ordered some armor but he said that it's going to take a couple days before it's ready. It's going to look so cool, though!"

"Hey, where's Darkness?" Kazuma asked, having just realized that their party's resident masochist hadn't returned with the demon girl.

His question was almost immediately answered as the entire guild hall suddenly erupted in catcalls and wolf whistles. Kazuma turned to see what all the fuss was about, seeing the Crusader in question slowly shuffle towards them, clutching several bags and staring at the floor in embarrassment.

"Holy Mother of Boobies!" Kazuma's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and he couldn't help but start to drool. If this were an anime, he would have passed out from the fountain of blood bursting forth from his nose. But this was reality, so instead, his pants suddenly tightened as Lil' K rose to attention. "Darkness, what the hell are you wearing?"

Darkness walked up to them, dressed in what could generously be called a scale mail bikini that covered nothing but the good bits and seemed to amplify her already outrageously curvy body, plus a pair of mismatched yellow boots and gloves. She looked more like a barbarian ripped straight from the pages of an old pulp fantasy story compared to the video game-esque knight she normally dressed as. Megumin almost completely shut down at the sight, clutching at her non-existent breasts while muttering something under her breath that sounded suspiciously to Kazuma like 'life isn't fair'.

"I-I wanted to try something new," Darkness stammered and looked like she was about to cry, but Kazuma could sware he saw the corners of her mouth twitch. Knowing that freak, there was no way she wasn't getting off on this. "And I was told that this is what's in style for adventurers these days."

"Yes, yes it definitely is!" Kazuma said before his brain caught up with him. "That's definitely what all the ladies should be wearing."

Darkness turned away, blushing and breathing heavily. "E-everyone's eyes are on me, like such ravenous beasts!"

"Just what do you think you're doing, going around like that?" Megumin finally snapped back to reality and stood up. "You can't just waltz around practically naked like that! It makes the rest of us look inferior!"

"I say we should let her wear whatever she wants to," Kazuma said defensively, standing up and placing one foot defiantly on the bench. "As a firm believer in gender equality, I believe it is every woman's right to dress as skimpily as she chooses."

"That's not gender equality, that's just you being a pervert!" Megumin snapped back. "You're all perverts!"

"Don't drag me into this," Keima said, not looking up from his game.

"I guess I should return the other outfits I bought," Darkness recoiled, yet was gushing at all the lustful looks she was getting.

"You got more?" Kazuma leaned over the table excitedly and practically fell over it before walking around for a closer look. "Well don't just tease us like that, let's see what you've-"

A paper fan struck Kazuma in the back of the head and he fell face-first into the hardwood floor. Aqua walked up to him and retrieved her thrown weapon.

"Stop being such a perv, Kazutrash!" she yelled at him. "And Darkness! Put some clothes on, you're embarrassing us!"

"R-right!" Darkness stammered, hardly able to keep a hold of herself. "But everyone's eyes are on me, picking me apart and sizing me up like a piece of- Ow!'

Darkness cried out as Aqua hit her with her fan. "No, bad Darkness! Bad!"

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

Kazuma sat in the corner of the armorer's shop, using an old rag to wipe up the dried blood from his nose. Apparently, being a pervert did cause nosebleeds but it had less to do with getting aroused and more to do with getting your nose broken afterward. Aqua had healed the injury but she deliberately hadn't done anything about the pain.

Keima had actually put his game console away in his pocket for once as he picked out a weapon. Megumin had tried to steer her junior Wizard towards the selection of magical staves on display but Keima had turned down that idea, not wanting to carry around something that large. Kazuma was pretty sure that it was just because walking around with a staff while playing video games would be too difficult. Regardless, the older boy was looking over a counter covered in wands.

After a few minutes of examining some of the magic sticks, Keima picked up a thin wand made of white wood and gold, with a red gem embedded in the business end. He swung it around a bit, seemingly testing the weight, and cast an experimental Wind Breath, nearly knocking over a sword rack with the sudden gust. Then, nodding to himself in quiet satisfaction, he handed a few eris to the shopkeeper who readily accepted the payment.

At the other end of the small shop, Elsie was having a much harder time choosing which weapon to buy. Not helping matters was that the other girls all had their own ideas of what she should get.

"I would recommend starting with a simple great sword," Darkness told her. "Something similar to the one I lent you this morning. It's hard to go wrong with the basics and, if you want, you can branch out into a more unique style when you've had a bit more experience and have a better idea of what will suit your fighting style."

"What do you know, you can't even hit anything with yours!" Megumin pointed out. "What she needs is one of these swords with the fire-shaped blades! You could give it a cool name like Chunchumaru!"

"That's a terrible name!" Kazuma called out, getting tired of waiting. "Besides, what she needs is a katana. No dark knight is complete without a katana."

"They don't have katanas in Belzerg," Aqua pointed out.

"Well, they should," Kazauma replied. "Katanas are awesome and so much better than dumb European swords."

"No, they aren't!" Aqua argued defensively. "Broadswords are way cooler than stupid katanas!"

"As if!" Kazuma turned to his fellow Japanese man, looking for aid. "Come on, Keima, back me up on this."

Keima, who had stuffed his new wand in his breast pocket and was already back to playing his games, gave an annoyed sigh. "Neither style of sword is inherently better than the other, it's just a matter of personal preference and fighting style. Personally, I think I prefer Western swords but ultimately it's more about how well they fit the character using them than the sword itself."

"Oh, come on!" Kazuma couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How can you just diss katanas like that?"

"Because katanas and smelly and stupid and don't belong in a world as cool as Belzerg." Aqua folded her arms and smiled smugly.

While Kazama continued to defend katana supremacy, Elsie lost all interest in the conversation and went back to looking at weapons. Since she was having trouble deciding on a sword that she liked, she decided to wander over to the more practical yet less popular weapons. Lances, spears, halberds and the like. None of those caught her eye though, so she continued browsing through axes, hammers, maces and other assorted weapons. Finally, she found herself drawn to a weapons rack that had been pushed away in the far corner of the shop, where it was love at first sight.

"But a katana can cut through other swords!" Kazuma yelled because talking louder would make his argument hold more weight.

"That's just a myth. A katana can't actually cut through steel that easily, especially when the European-style sword would have a thicker blade." Keima argued with actual facts and logic.

"How would you even know that much about swords in the first place, all you do is play dating sims!"

"Swords and katanas feature in a lot of games," Keima pointed out. "I research a lot of things from games so that I can better understand how much research was done in their development. Also, I'm only allowed to play games in class if I get perfect scores on all of my tests, which means I have to know a lot about everything."

"Wait, your teachers let you play games in class?" Kazuma asked, completely forgetting about katanas for a moment. "That's not fair, I wasn't allowed to play games in school!"

"You didn't even go to school, you stupid NEET," Aqua pointed out. "You dropped out because some girl dumped you in middle school."

"Hey! No one needs to know about that!" Kazuma snapped at her.

"Attention, fellow adventurers!" Elsie stepped forward, drawing everyone's focus away from the argument. "I have made my decision. Say hello to my new weapon, the Scythe of Conquest, Runaway Reaper!"

Elsie held up a large scythe, its darkened blade emerging from the mouth of a demonic-looking horned skull that rested atop a white, double-helix handle that was nearly as long as she was tall.

Kazuma stared at her blankly. "Really? Don't you think that's overdoing it just a bit? I get you're a Dark Knight but do you really need to be a total edgelord about it?"

"I think that it is a suitably dramatic weapon that will strike fear into the hearts of your enemies!" Megumin declared.

"Thanks!" Elsie smiled down at the loony loli.

"Scythes aren't generally known for being very practical weapons." Darkness walked over to examine the blade closer. "I would recommend still getting a sword to use as a sidearm, as you never know what can happen in the heat of battle+. That being said, I do respect your decision. Since not very many adventures can make use of such an uncommon weapon, your opponents are unlikely to know how to properly combat your fighting style. Why, I can just imagine myself facing off against a strong, fearsome opponent using such a weapon to attack and utterly beat me while I am left defenseless against him until I am unable to-"

Kazuma grabbed the pervy masochist by the ear and pulled her away, moaning excitedly, before her specific brand of crazy could rub off on the newbie. All in all, Elsie seemed like the sanest member of the bunch behind himself and he didn't want that to change anytime soon. Well, technically he did want that to change, but he wanted it to be because the rest of his party became more reasonable instead of her becoming just as crazy as the rest. Of course, he also hadn't been around her long enough yet to pick up on Elsie's specific brand of eccentricity yet, just as Elsie had yet to figure out that her new friends weren't as 'normal' as she thought.

"I'm concerned that you're taking the demon motif a bit too far," Aqua commented. Kazuma could swear he almost had a heart attack hearing her of all people be the levelheaded one of the group, and the last thing he needed was another one of those. Heart attacks, that is. "You should know that as a goddess, it will be my duty to defeat you if you ever fully embrace your demonic heritage and turn evil. If you do, then I'll have to finish you off with a few of these!"

Aqua started shadowboxing while making loud kung fu noises and Kazuma felt balance return to the universe. Somehow, he felt that was worse than the heart attack would have been. But, life was how it was sometimes, even if he didn't like it.

By the time they left, Elsie had not only bought her scythe but had also somehow haggled the shopkeeper into throwing in a pair of black-bladed scimitars with purple handles matching her new clothes. As they walked out the door, Kazuma noticed a rough-looking man with a mohawk and pink suspenders that he often saw around town, and overheard him mutter something to himself.

"I may just be getting sentimental in my old age but I think I just witnessed the birth of a new legend."

Kazuma just tried to tune the guy out. He was always saying overly dramatic BS and Kazuma had learned that it was generally best to just ignore him.

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

The next morning, Keima found himself sitting in the Adventure's Guild dining hall once again. He had a feeling that was going to be a regular part of his routine from now on. There was a plate of bacon and eggs sitting in front of him but he was more focused on unlocking a hidden story route in the game he was currently playing through. Elsie was currently looking through the available quests with the blonde knight, who had thankfully changed back into her normal clothes, and the little witch girl. Their pervert of a leader and the self-styled goddess were arguing over something but Keima had just been tuning them out. He was seriously reconsidering having joined this so-called adventuring party but Kazuma had agreed to let them stay at their mansion for free in exchange for their help, and Keima knew that he wasn't likely to have another deal like that fall into his lap so easily. Plus, it seemed unlikely that they would be taking many quests that would require much effort on Keima's part as long as the wannabe NEET Kazuma was in charge.

"We found a quest!" Elsie said happily as she skipped over to their table, waving around an old sheet of paper.

Kazuma and Aqua quieted down somewhat as the trio of young women approached, not letting go of each other's cheeks which they were pulling on. Keima simply continued playing his game.

"It is a dangerous quest that will be filled with countless perils and chances for me to unleash my glorious EXPLOSIONS!" Megumin declared from behind her, slapping on her eyepatch.

"Gimme that!" Kazuma let go of Aqua and snatched the quest notice out of Elsie's hand. His eyes narrowed as he read it, scrutinizing every word. Finally, he set the paper down and shrugged. "Eh, sure, why not? We've done harvests before, so this shouldn't be too much trouble. Wait, I probably just jinxed it… Meh, we'll be fine."

"Yipee!" Elsie cheered. "You hear that, Keima? We're going on our first quest!"

Keima rolled his eyes. "We already went on our first quest. This is our second."

"Fine, our second quest, then. But aren't you excited?"

Keima shrugged, then looked up at the quest notice that had fallen in front of him, realizing that he should probably get some idea of what they were getting up to before he got dragged into trouble again. There was a cartoonish sketch of several vegetables with fangs and angry eyes, underneath large ornate letters spelling out 'Harvest Quest: Gather Winter Carrots'. So what, they were going to farm some vegetables? That seemed simple enough to Keima, who had yet to learn just how different Belzerg truly was from the Earth he knew.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the dining hall, a lone adventure sat haunted by the memories of the previous year's harvest. They never did manage to find all of his toes.

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

On the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: A Harvest For This Winter Feast!

"You can't expect things to work the same in every world," Aqua said in an uncharacteristically wise tone, with Elsie nodding along sagely. "That would just be stupid."

At once, the chaos erupted. Adventurers from all classes and walks of life came together to fight as one discordant harmony of no one knowing what they were doing. Wizards were casting spells at random, Knights were swinging their weapons blindly, Thieves were pickpocketing everyone else while they were distracted, and in the middle of it all, Keima and his allies(?) were doing their best to not screw up too badly.

"I shall smother the flames out with my body!" Darkness dropped Megumin like a sack of bricks and tackled the poor girl before anyone had a chance to object. Now two young women were rolling around in a flaming heap while everyone else watched in stunned confusion.