Chapter 5: A Master For This Fledgeling Mage!
The sun shone brightly amid the spotless sky. A single solitary tree stood proudly atop a small hill in the middle of a wide, emerald field. Beneath its branches, a purple-haired young woman turned around, her smile hiding her inner demons.
Erizabeth: "I told you not to follow me. If he were to catch you here, you know what would happen."
- I'm not afraid of him.
- I just needed to see you, one last time.
- Oh, you're right. I should go.
- Show me your boobs.
Keima: "I just needed to see you, one last time. I know this is silly, and that we could never be together, but I need to know. Did any of it mean anything to you?"
The woman's expression changed to a frown.
Erizabeth: "How could you even ask that? Of course our time together has meant everything to me. But we can't be together. I'm a princess and you're a commoner. I will always treasure the time we spent together at the academy, but the time has come that we must part ways for good. Goodbye, Keima. I must go."
- No, I won't let you go.
- Goodbye, I will never forget you.
- There's something that I need to show you.
- Show me your boobs.
Keima: "There's something that I need to show you."
The woman's eyes grow wide and she gasps at the sight of the golden insignia in his hand.
Erizabeth: "But… but that is…"
- That's right, it's the symbol of my birthright.
- Yep, it's a neat trinket I found on the side of the road.
- So, you don't know, either?
- Show me your boobs.
Keima: "That's right, it's the symbol of my birthright. I am the long-lost heir of House Barosta and the rightful prince of Kalasmithstonia."
Her eyes shine brightly, welling with tears as she leans forward expectantly.
Erizabeth: "Then that means that we can-"
"Greetings, my apprentice! The time for your next lesson is at hand! Prepare thyself!"
Keima let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. Of course, the brat had to try and interrupt him just as he was reaching the climax of his current playthrough of The Magic Academy of Love: When the Wind Calls a Name I Don't Know. It wasn't exactly a good game, but still. Rude.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I am not your apprentice and I am not going to go with you to blow up random stuff." Keima sat up from where he was seated on one of the couches in the mansion's living room. "Take Kazuma, I'm sure he's not doing anything important right now."
"Hey!" the boy in question yelled indignantly from where he was lounging about on another couch. "I could have something planned."
Megumin planted her hands on her hips and stood firm. "Oh, come on! Don't you want to learn how to channel the arcane arts and become a more powerful Wizard? You need to learn the secrets of Explosion magic!"
"I came to this world for one reason and one reason only, and that was for this." Keima gestured to the game device in his hand.
"Well, that's stupid!" Megumin spread her feet apart, holding one arm in the air while the other crossed in front of her chest. "Explosions are way more fun than that dumb magic box could ever be!"
"Yo, just go with her!" Kazuma yelled. "She's going to be like this all day if you don't!"
"No," Keima insisted. "I'm not going anywhere unless there's an emergency."
"Fine, then there's an emergency!" Megumin tried to grab the PFP out of Keima's hands, to no avail. "If we don't practice our Explosion magic, then we'll both die!"
"A, you're just making that up," Keima countered. "B, I've already had the 'you die if you don't do this stupid thing' routine done on me for real and I am not going through that again. If things come to that, I'm just letting that angel reincarnate me back on Earth."
"Actually, death on this world is handled by the Goddess Eris," Kazuma explained. "She's nice, you'll like her. Total opposite of stupid Aqua. Sweet and demure, and really cute."
"I don't care," Keima replied. "And why am I not surprised that you've already died here before."
"Okay, fine, we don't have to practice Explosion magic right now." Megumin finally relented. "But you really should get out of the house. Why don't we go shopping for supplies? You still don't have a proper adventuring outfit yet."
Keima rolled his eyes again and sat up.
"Fine, but only if you promise not to bug me again for the rest of the week."
"Deal!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
For a shopping trip allegedly meant so that Keima could get new equipment, Megumin seemed to be doing most of the buying for herself. And of course, Keima ended up having to hold all of the bags. But he did make a promise, and if he held up his end, then he'd be free of the Crimson Demon's antics for a week. Assuming that she kept to the deal, which, knowing her, was unlikely. Clearly, this trip was a mistake.
"Hey, let's stop here next." Megumin pointed to a small shop as they walked up to it. "The owner here gets the stupidest stuff, it's always good for a laugh."
Keima felt that he didn't have much choice at the moment but to follow her into the shop. A bell rang as the door opened and they stepped inside.
"Welcome!" A tall woman in dark purple robes greeted them from behind a counter. Half the woman's face was obscured by her long, voluminous brown hair but what features were visible seemed delicate and frail. "Oh, Megumin, it's good to see you! And I see you've brought a friend! Hello, my name is Wiz and I run this shop!"
The woman gave a deep bow, which Keima returned as a show of politeness after setting Megumin's bags in a pile in the corner.
"This is my new apprentice, Keima Cat's Eye!" Megumin declared proudly. "I am teaching him the ultimate power of Explosion Magic!"
"Really?" Wiz gasped.
"No." Keima had to shut that idea down before it could spread, as he'd already had to do several times that morning. "My name is Keima Katsuragi and we just happen to be in the same party."
"Oh." The shopkeeper nodded. "Well, I suppose that any friend of Megumin's is a friend of mine. Feel free to look around the shop. I've got all kinds of neat things in stock right now."
Keima looked around. Indeed, the small shop seemed to be filled with all kinds of various trinkets, doodads and magical items. He had absolutely no idea what any of it was and he wasn't that interested but figured that it would be rude not to at least pretend that he was.
"E-e-excuse me…" a soft, mousy voice stammered from the other side of the room, and Keima turned just in time to see a girl walk out from behind a shelf. He'd seen her around town a few times before, often hanging around the party's mansion for some reason. She'd even taught him Basic Magic after he caught her in the bushes outside one time. He hadn't bothered to get her name, though.
Megumin barely gave the girl a passing glance before feigning interest in a row of crystal balls that, according to the sign next to them, would show you what you're going to eat for dinner the next day if you looked into them. She hadn't been joking about how useless the items sold here were, it seemed.
"I-I said excuse me!" The girl clenched her hands as her knees shook nervously. Keima noticed that she had the same dark hair and red eyes that Megumin did, though she was significantly taller, and, judging from her rather shapely figure, he assumed that she was probably closer to his age than Megumin's. He wondered if the new arrival might have been Megumin's older sister, or perhaps cousin.
"Hmph, beef stew," Megumin noted with an air of boredom, before moving on to another collection of items. "Hey, Keima, did you hear something just now?"
"Yeah, there's a girl right there trying to-"
"It must have just been the wind." Megumin cut him off before Keima could finish replying.
"Hey, you totally heard me just now!" the girl yelled.
"Yep, just the wind," Megumin repeated. "Because if there were someone here, they'd start by introducing themselves properly."
"What?" the girl gasped. "B-but… Oh, I hate doing this in front of strangers… Okay, fine, I'll do it."
The girl sucked in a deep breath and seemed to steel her resolve, then began waving her arms dramatically through the air. She almost knocked over a shelf of potions as she did so.
"My name is Yunyun!" she declared while striking a pose. "Arch Wizard and Master of Advanced Magic, and future leader of the Crimson Demon Clan!"
Yep, she was definitely related to Megumin.
"Eh, not bad. I'd give it a six out of ten." Megumin turned to Kazuma. "This is Yunyun, the daughter of the Crimson Demon Clan's chief, and my self-proclaimed rival."
"I am not self-proclaimed!" the girl, Yunyun, pouted.
"Oh, so you're not my rival?" Megumin smirked.
"What, no, that's not what I…" Yunyun stammered and started stroking one of the long pigtails that hung over her shoulders. The girl seemed like she was about to cry. She certainly seemed to be Megumin's opposite when it came to personality, which meant that she was already starting to endear herself to him.
The two Crimson Demons ended up getting into an argument, which Keima tuned out as he went to browse through some items at the other end of the small shop. It really wasn't his business and he wasn't getting involved if he didn't have to.
"D-do you think we should do something?" Wiz asked, shuffling up beside him while looking on in horror at the 'argument', which had mostly devolved to Megumin verbally abusing the larger girl.
"I'm sure it'll be fine," Keima muttered, then froze, his eyes fixed on a particular magic item in front of him.
"Yeah, I guess you're right…" Wiz said nervously, then broke into a smile as she turned to Keima. "Ah, I see that caught your eye! It's a magic item said to grant wishes if you put it on! You simply put it on your neck while telling it what goal you want to work towards, then you won't be able to take it off until it senses that you've fulfilled that goal. It even gets tighter over time, to give you extra motivation! It's mainly popular with women trying to lose a few extra pounds but can serve all kinds of purposes."
Wiz continued her sales pitch while the Crimson Demon's argument continued. It seemed that Yunyun had been backed into a verbal corner and, like a wild animal, began lashing out back at Megumin.
"Darkness, blacker than black…"
The air seemed to grow cold and the lights dimmed.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Life was good. As Kazuma had predicted, adding a pair of new, mostly-sane party members was making quests easier to handle and meant that they were making more per quest. It even meant that his party members could take on smaller quests without having to drag him along for the ride, as Aqua, Darkness and Elsie had set out to do that morning. And, with Megumin and Keima out of the house now as well, that meant that Kazuma was perfectly free to just lounge around all day without a care in the world!
*BOOM!*
Kazuma found himself lying face-down on the floor. He slowly pushed himself back onto his feet, wondering just what had happened. Once he'd staggered up to the window, he looked outside to see a trail of smoke rising from the other side of town.
"Oh, come on," Kazuma grumbled. "What'd she do this time?"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Kazuma stormed his way through a crowd of onlookers as he reached the smoking remains of what had once been Wiz's shop. Fortunately, Wiz herself seemed to be alright, if a bit frazzled, and was sitting on a stack of old crates nearby, alongside Keima, Megumin and that other Crimson Demon girl who'd seen hanging around town recently.
"Kazuma, what happened?"
Kazuma turned to see Aqua, Darkness and Elsie running up behind him, concerned looks on their faces.
"That should be obvious!" Kazuma yelled back at them. "What else would it be?"
He then marched towards the group of magic users. Wiz seemed to perk up at the sight of him, while Keima stared blankly up at the sky, lying flat on his back. Megumin was, naturally, reveling in the destruction while her friend tried to calm her down. Kazuma grabbed Megumin by the collar and hosted her into the air.
"What did you do this time, ya damn psycho!" he screamed into her face. "How many times do we have to tell you to never use your Explosion magic in town? You've gone too far this time, Megumin!"
"Hey, I didn't do anything wrong!" the girl protested, trying to shake herself out of his grip.
"Then what do you call that!" Kazuma shoved her in the direction of the burning wreckage.
"It wasn't me this time, I swear!" she insisted.
"Yeah, like I'm supposed to believe that?" Kazuma replied.
"Um, Sir?" The other Crimson Demon tugged lightly on Kazuma's sleeve, drawing his attention. "Megumin's telling the truth. She's not the one who used Explosion. He did."
She turned to Keima of all people, and Kazuma noticed Wiz nod in confirmation of the accusation. Kazuma dropped Megumin in shock, and the girl let out a huff as she landed butt-first on the stone-paved road.
"Keima?" Kazuma muttered, stunned, before his fury returned and he grabbed the older boy by the lapels of his fancy red jacket. "Keima, tell me it isn't true! You're supposed to be the sane one!"
Keima refused to meet Kazuma's gaze, a pained expression on his face.
"I… might… have a bit of unresolved trauma involving magic suicide chokers, which… might have affected me more than I thought…" Keima trailed off, despondent. "I kind of… snapped."
"Oh, no! I'm so sorry!" Wiz gasped, and Kazuma thought he could see the color start to return to her face. Though, it was hard to tell since her skin was always so deathly pale. Secretly being an undead lich will do that to you, he supposed. "I would never have tried selling you that collar if I had known."
Of course, Wiz would somehow manage to twist things around so that someone blowing up her shop was her own fault. Kazuma released his grip and Keima fell to the ground, unresponsive. Kazuma felt a headache coming on and turned back to the burning wreckage with a sigh as he rubbed his temples.
"Oh, why didn't I bring my fire engine?" Elsie whined as she gazed at the flames. "This would have been the perfect time to have it."
"Never fear, Aqua is here!" Their resident goddess held up her arms and aimed her palms toward what used to be Wiz's shop. "Create Water!"
It didn't take long for her to douse the flames, leaving nothing but a pile of ashen wood and the few items that happened to be fireproof standing. Kazuma suddenly found himself glad that none of the magic items reacted to the explosion or subsequent fire. His party, mostly meaning Kazuma, was definitely going to have to pay for the damages, after all. Unless…
"Hey, do they have insurance here in Belzerg?" Kazuma turned back to the others. "You know, where you pay a monthly fee or whatever and then they pay for damages and stuff?"
Wiz nodded quietly.
"Great, then that should cover this, right?" Kazuma made the mistake of getting his hopes up.
"Um, not exactly." Wiz blushed and stared down at her feet. "I… thought it would be a waste of money since I'm always here to watch the shop and I'm a powerful li- Arche Wizard. I thought that I would be able to stop anything from happening."
"Right, of course." Kazuma buried his face in his hands and tried not to scream. "So, that means you're going to expect us to pay to rebuild the place, right?"
"Oh, that won't be necessary." Wiz waved a hand dismissively, blushing even harder. "I should have enough extra Eris saved up… in my… shop… Oh, dear…"
The Devil King General's eyes widened as she finally took in the gravity of the situation. She had likely put everything she had into that shop, which meant that she would have just lost everything as well.
"Well, I suppose this is technically partially my fault, which means that I should take responsibility," Keima said as he pulled himself up off the ground and dusted himself off. "Kazuma, can you pay for this?"
"What? Why me?" Kazuma turned on him. "You're the one who blew the damn place up!"
"You think I have that kind of money?" Keima asked. "I just got here. You're the one who owns a mansion, right?"
"This is your mess, you clean it up!" Kazuma snapped back. "Just run over to the Adventurer's Guild and pick up a quest. Megumin can go with you since this wouldn't have happened if she hadn't taught you that damned Explosion spell."
"Hey, this isn't my fault!" Megumin insisted.
Kazuma returned that with a death glare and the Crimson Demon immediately clammed up. "No buts! You two, get! We need to get out of here before the authorities arrive. I am not getting arrested for this!"
"I-I can help, too!" The other Crimson Demon stammered.
"And it would be irresponsible for me to let you put yourselves at risk to pay for my shop. I shall accompany you as well," Wiz added.
"Stop talking and go!" Kazuma pointed in the vague direction of the Adventuring Hall, then rounded on the other three members of his party. "Right, you guys were out picking a quest this morning, right? Where are we going, because we need to get out of here, fast!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Four wizards walked into a bar. That wasn't the start of a joke, it's just what happened. Unless you consider life to be a joke, which was a viewpoint that Kiema was coming closer and closer to the longer he stayed in Belzerg.
"What can I do for you today?" Luna, the local guild leader asked. "Oh, this is an unusual group. Is something wrong?"
"We need a quest," Kiema said hastily, leaning against a wall. He had seen what happens to Megumin after she casts one of her Explosions but still hadn't been prepared for how draining it was. "Preferably something that pays well and that we can wrap up quickly."
"But didn't your party members already take that dungeon exploration quest this morning? Shouldn't you be helping with that?"
"Forget that." Kiema shook his head slowly. "We need cash, now."
"Alright, sheesh. You don't need to be so rude about it." Luna said coldly.
"I-I'm sorry about this." Wiz bowed apologetically. "You see, my shop is… in need of some repairs right now and I'm... a bit short on Eris at the moment, so these three have offered to assist me in acquiring the necessary funds."
"Oh, sorry to hear that, Wiz." Luna frowned and walked over to the quest board, motioning for them to follow. "Let's see… two Crimson Demons, Axel's highest-level Arch Wizard and the new guy… Here, I think this quest should be right up your alley."
She pulled down a quest notice and handed it over to Wiz, who accepted the paper and looked over it.
"Some adventurers stumbled on a new dungeon out in the mountains recently. Our scouts haven't been able to report much on it yet but what we do know is that it's full of strange golems that seem to resist physical attacks but are weak to magic. It should be perfect for an all-Wizard team."
"Alright, sounds good." Keima nodded and stumbled back towards the door. "Alright, let's head back to the mansion. We need to get back there before the others leave so that Elsie can drop us off there. I don't know about you, but I don't want to walk the whole way."
"But before you go," Luna added quickly, pulling out another sheet of paper, "you'll need to take a dungeon map. It's enchanted to automatically fill itself in as you explore the dungeon. You'll need to hand it back in here when you're done to claim your commission."
Wiz took the blank map from the receptionist and nodded. "Thank you, Ms. Luna. We'll be sure to fill out as much as we can."
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
It had been a very long time since Wiz had been on a good old-fashioned dungeon crawl. Not since before she died. It was a bittersweet feeling but she was glad that she could share the experience with a group of people she could call friends. Well, Wiz generally thought of most people as being her friends but the point still stood. She may not have known either of the Crimson Demon girls very well yet and had only just met Keima that day, but she was completely confident that they would make a great party.
"So it was you! How dare you try to corrupt my apprentice with your stupid common magic!"
She was reasonably confident that they would make a great party.
"I am not your apprentice!"
"I-I'm sorry! He said that he hadn't learned any magic yet, so I thought that I would help him out by letting him learn the basic-level spells."
She was moderately confident that they would make a great party.
"You're just lucky that I was able to teach you my glorious Explosion magic before it was too late."
"I didn't want your damn Explosion magic! I'd be ready to start learning Intermediate Magic by now if you hadn't forced that onto me!"
Well, at least it was better than working with Verdia or any of the Devil King's other generals. She was a gentle and peaceful soul by nature but she wouldn't miss that dullahan anytime soon. He had 'accidentally' peaked up her skirts a few too many times for her to feel much sympathy for his final demise. Also, he was an evil son of a bitch who had nearly wiped out her entire party back when she was alive, and it was only by selling her soul in a literal deal with a devil that she was able to save their lives. She was glad he was gone and a part of her wished that she could have been the one to finish him off herself. She didn't even feel guilty for feeling that way. Much.
Megumin had pounced onto Yunyun's back and seemed to be trying to climb on top of the taller girl for some reason, while Kiema's attention seemed to be mostly focused on the small magic box he was fiddling with. Wiz had never actually led an adventuring party herself before despite how many she'd been in over the years but it seemed clear even to her that as the most experienced Arch Wizard in the party, she was going to have to step up and take charge. The thought made her a bit queasy.
"Alright, according to the quest notice, the unknown dungeon's entrance should be just around this corner." Wiz motioned to the cliff face in front of them. "Based on the scout team's intel, we should expect to be attacked by a golem as soon as we approach, which means that we need to be prepared for combat. Megumin, I need you to get off of Yunyun so that she'll be able to fight properly. Since you can only use Explosion, you'll need to wait at the back of the group until we need you. Kiema, you need to put your seer stone thing away and focus on the task at hand. Was all of that clear?"
"That's not what this is but okay." Keima stuffed the peculiar item into the pocket of his new robes, pulling out his birchwood wand in preparation for the battle before them. "So, golems, right? Am I right in assuming that we're going up against giant humanoid constructs made of dirt and rock?"
"That Is the most common type," Wiz explained. "Though golems can come in any size and their body composition can vary as well. I've even seen brightly colored golems made from metal parts."
"You mean like a robot?" Keima asked.
"What's a robot?" Yunyun turned to him quizzically.
"Nothing," Keima replied. "Let's just get this over with."
"Of course." Wiz nodded and took a step forward. "Follow me."
As expected, they found a large, open doorway sticking out of the mountainside. At first, it appeared to be little more than just a cave, but upon closer inspection was clearly manmade, with a design that resembled some sort of ancient temple. Although ancient temples generally weren't made from steel. A pair of 'statues' stood dormant to either side, feminine in form with one resting its hands on an ornate sword of a design that seemed vaguely familiar, while the other held a spear with a long, curved blade. They seemed to be made of gold and silver interlocking parts and didn't resemble anything that Wiz had ever seen before.
"Those must be the golems," she whispered to the others, motioning for them not to approach any closer.
"What kind of perv makes their golems look like busty women?" Megumin huffed.
"They are quite beautiful, though," Yunyun noted. "So slender and elegant, you can see that a lot of care must have gone into sculpting them."
"That just makes it even more creepy!"
"What the hell, those are robots!" Keima hissed. "What are those doing in a medieval fantasy world?"
Wiz had no idea what the boy was talking about, so she chose to ignore his comment. "We need to approach carefully and prepare for a fight. We don't know for sure what these golems are capable of, so we should be cautious-"
"No one tells a Crimson Demon to be cautious!" Megumin declared loudly as she clambered onto a nearby boulder and pointed her staff toward the sky above the dungeon entrance. "Behold the awesome and terrible power of the mightiest of magic known to mortals and immortals alike! The force that makes even the strongest of titans tremble with fear! Witness the ultimate incarnation of destruction that is… EXPLOSION!"
The others barely had time to brace themselves from the resulting shockwave before the ground erupted in front of them. As the smoke cleared, Wiz could see the smoldering remains of the golems, torn apart and scattered across the field. She also saw Megumin slump forward and slide back down the boulder, crashing headfirst into the ground.
"Muahahaha! Witness my might!" she cackled madly. "Ow, that hurt."
"Way to go," Kazuma said flatly as he picked her up. "Now you're going to be useless for the rest of the day, I still haven't recovered enough to cast any proper spells and we still don't know anything about the golem's abilities. Way to think things through."
"Hey, I destroyed them, didn't I?" Megumin tried to defend herself.
"We didn't even know for sure that those were actually the golems," Keima pointed out. "Those ones could have just been decoration, with the actual golems still inside. And now any monsters inside the dungeon are going to have heard that and know we're he- Eep!"
Keima took a step back as the sword that one of the golems had been holding suddenly fell mere centimeters in front of his face, passing directly in front of the boy's nose and embedding itself several inches into the ground between where his feet had just been. He let out a furious tirade of expletives that made Wiz blush, as much as she could in her current state, and that he really shouldn't have been saying in front of the kids. Yunyun covered her ears while Megumin's eyes grew starry as she suddenly learned a variety of new words.
"Um, yes, as I was saying, we should remain cautious from this point on," Wiz tried to regain control of the situation. It appeared that trying to be the levelheaded role model was going to be tougher than she had thought. "There are few things more dangerous than trying to explore an unknown dungeon. You never know what you'll find around every corner."
"Well, at least Kazuma's going to be happy after this," Keima grumbled as he pulled the unusual sword out of the ground. "Looks like we managed to find him a katana after all."
"Oh!" Wiz finally realized where she'd seen that blade design before. "That looks like the Winter Shogun's sword!"
"Oh, yeah, that's the thing that killed Kazuma last month!" Megumin added. "Why would these golems have that kind of sword?"
"They're a type of sword from our homeland of Japan," Keima explained. "So, um, what are we supposed to do with the treasure we find, anyway? Lugging everything around is just going to make things harder as we go."
"Oh, right, I have something for that." Wiz rummaged through her robes and pulled out a small satchel of plain brown cloth, which she had forgotten she had brought along just for this situation. "Stick it in here."
Keima cocked an eyebrow as he stared at her doubtfully but did as told, dropping the foreign sword into the bag. To his surprise, it seemed to vanish as it passed through the opening.
"Is that a bag of holding?" Yunyun asked, stepping forward to get a closer look. "We have these back at the village but I've never used one myself."
"That's right." Wiz smiled, glad to finally get the chance to be informative. "It can hold up to 99 items, regardless of their size or shape. Unfortunately, they still weigh the same as whatever's in them but it should still make things a bit easier."
"Why 99 items?" Keima asked. "That seems rather arbitrary. So, if you put 99 marbles in one, it's full, but if you put, say, that boulder over there in it, it would still have plenty of room."
"Exactly." Wiz nodded, glad that he was understanding.
"Right, RPG mechanics, it works like a videogame inventory." Keima grimaced. "I hate this world. Well, at least now we have a solution for Megumin."
"What? What are you talking about?" the girl looked up. "Don't you dare!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Megumin glared up at Keima as they entered the dungeon, which was just about the only thing that she could do at the moment given that her head was the only thing sticking out of the bag of holding hanging around Wiz's waist. He would pay for this. He would pay.
"It's so dark in here, how are we supposed to see anything?" Keima shuffled along slowly, his hand staying glued to the wall as he tried to keep up with the rest of the party. Ha, loser.
"Oh, can you not see?" Megumin teased. "It would seem that the darkness is not your ally, as it is mine. I can see perfectly well, whether it be a starless night or the deepest of caves!"
"Our crimson eyes allow us to see in the dark," Yunyun explained, spoiling the fun.
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Wiz turned around, which meant that Megumin was now stuck facing a wall for the rest of the conversation. "I can also see in the dark because… reasons. I didn't even think about the fact that you might have issues with visibility."
"I guess it'll be fine," Keima sighed. "I'll just use Tinder to-"
"NO!" Yunyun and Wiz both shouted at once.
"You can't use fire magic here!" Yunyun pointed out. "Or lightning magic."
"We don't know what kinds of gases or minerals we might encounter down here," Wiz explained. "If we come across anything flammable, you could ignite the entire dungeon, with us in it."
"That sounds amazing!" Megumin perked up quickly. "Keima, you must do it! I even permit you, just this once, to use basic magic! Unleash a mighty explosion!"
"No, not doing that." Why did her apprentice have to be such a spoilsport? "Anyone else have any ideas?"
"Well, I noticed some shards of Manatite outside, probably left over from the golem's power cores," Yunyun pointed out. "They looked too small to draw any mana but we might still be able to use them as a light source?"
While the boring people discussed boring things, Megumin spotted some sort of small lever on the wall in front of her. She had to know what it did! So, she did the only reasonable thing and began rocking forward, away from Wiz's surprisingly soft and comfortable thigh, eventually getting just close enough to flick it with her chin. Success!
Everyone else froze as a series of panels placed evenly along the ceiling slowly flickered to life. It was dim, but the dungeon was now just barely lit. It appeared that in her hubris, Megumin had accidentally solved the problem that she didn't want to help solve. Because of course.
"Oh, thank you, Megumin!" Wiz looked down at her. "It looks like we can move forward now."
"Of course, I totally meant to do that, for it was all part of my plan!" Megumin insisted, basking in the praise.
"Are those fluorescent bulbs?" Keima stared up at the lights as the party made their way deeper into the dungeon. "That just seems even more out of place."
Keima had never been much of an RPG guy. Fight the bad guys, make the numbers go up, fight even more bad guys. The grind never really appealed to him that much. Sure, a lot of them supposedly had really good stories buried behind their repetitive if not outright frustrating gameplay but that was never enough for him to justify slogging through a hundred hours of endless number crunches just to experience. As such, he was pleasantly surprised that he found IRL dungeon crawling a far more enjoyable experience. That's not to say that he enjoyed doing it, just that it wasn't as bad as he had been expecting.
They had found more of those strange robot-like golems, or gynoids if you were to use the proper name for a robot in the form of a woman, as they explored the inner depths of the metal labyrinth. They were tough and durable, though they all seemed to be in a state of disrepair that, combined with their weakness to magic, made them easy enough for the all-mage party to take care of. Even if it was really just the shopkeeper and the shy girl doing all of the hard work as Keima was still too weak to hold his own and while Megumin had recovered enough to be able to walk around on her own again, she was still far from ready for another explosion. Not that anyone wanted her to cast another one, anyway.
"Light of Saber!"
A gynoid clattered to the ground in pieces after getting sliced cleanly through by a razor-sharp wave of golden light. Despite her timid personality, Yunyun seemed to be quite the skilled mage. Though, from what Keima had heard it sounded like that was standard for the Crimson Demon clan, and as she was apparently the heir to their clan's chief, the girl was likely held to a higher standard than the rest of her kin.
"I think that should be just about good for today." Wiz examined the magic map they had been given. "We've made decent progress and I don't have much space left in my bag. I think after the next chamber, we should call it a night and head back. Is that alright with everyone?"
They all nodded in agreement. It had been a long day and Keima could tell that they were all rather spent after so much fighting.
"It looks like we've gained quite a bit of experience from those golems, too," Yunyun said as she examined her adventure card. "H-hey, Keima? How many skill points have you gotten? I think you might have enough to start learning some intermediate spells."
Keima did as prompted. As she said, he had racked up quite a few points, even though most of them were earned by proxy of simply being in the party. Still, he knew enough not to complain about this world's bullshit RPG mechanics when they were actually working in his favor for once.
"I have enough for at least a few, anyway," he replied. "What would you recommend?"
"Hey, you're my apprentice, you should be asking me!" Megumin stormed up to him. "Don't learn any more of those stupid spells! You should just concentrate everything on boosting your explosion power!"
Keima ignored her, looking back and forth between Yunyun and Wiz.
"W-well, Intermediate spells are a b-bit more complex a-and varied than the Basic-level spells, b-but you probably knew that already," Yunyun stammered out, tapping her fingers together nervously as she looked down to the side. It was clear that she wasn't used to other people turning to her for advice, which certainly wasn't a good thing for a future leader. "S-so, I guess it would make sense to start with some of the spells that are a bit closer to what you're already familiar with before branching out from there."
Keima nodded and glanced through the list of spells he could learn, quickly picking out a few that seemed like fairly straight upgrades from his old spells. Fireball, Blade of Wind, Freeze Gust and Lightning. "You see, Megumin? This is how a teacher is supposed to act, actually giving advice instead of just trying to force your own interests on people."
"Hey!" Megumin stomped the ground.
"O-oh, I'm no teacher!" Yunyun waved her hands dismissively, shaking her head. "I-I'm not… um…"
Keima let out a sigh. It was really a bother to try and deal with someone like this. But, she had helped him out a few times now by teaching him magic, which, whether he liked it or not, was an extremely important thing for him to learn in this world. He figured that the least he could do was try and return the favor and it seemed fairly clear how he could do that, even if it was going to be a bother.
"You said earlier that you were going to be the future chief of the Crimson Demons, right?" Keima asked, though he already knew the answer.
"O-oh, yes, um," Yunyun blushed. "Well, my dad is the current chief, which means that I'll take over from him eventually but I'm not really cut out for that sort of thing."
"Do you want to be chief?" Keima followed up.
"Um… I-I guess?" Yunyun looked utterly lost, which was about the reaction that Keima was expecting, unfortunately. "I haven't really thought about it that much but, um, I'm not really sure what else I would do."
"Well, if you're going to be chief one day then that means that you'll have to be a leader, but right now you're not acting like you're cut out for it." Keima finally reached his point. "And the only way that you're going to be able to get comfortable with having authority is with practice, so why not start now? Will you be my magic sensei, or master, or whatever you want to call it? That way I can grow stronger as a Wizard and you can get experience leading someone else."
"Hey, what about me?" Megumin rounded on her… friend? Rival? Keima wasn't entirely sure what the relationship between them was, though he had figured out by this point that they weren't actually sisters as he had initially thought. "I saw him first! He's my apprentice!"
"I never agreed to that," Keima reminded her for the umpteenth time that day. "And I think technically you would have both seen me at about the same time since Yunyun was also in the adventure hall when Elsie and I joined the guild."
"U-um, I don't think that would be a very good idea." Yunyun seemed to be trying to bore holes in her feet with her eyes, with how intently she was staring down at them. "I-I'm not a teacher."
"I think it would be a very good opportunity for you," Wiz tried to assure the girl, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Learning how to be in charge of others will be very important if you really want to lead the Crimson Demons one day and this sounds like a good way for you to start developing those skills."
"Ugh, fine, I guess we can share him," Megumin sighed and rolled her eyes.
"U-u-u-um?" Yunyun seemed to be sweating now as she fidgeted in place. "A-a-alright, I'll be your master! J-just don't expect much from me, okay?"
"Of course." Keima smiled, though a part of him was already regretting this decision. "Now, let's explore that last chamber."
"Yeah, there's probably got to be a big boss monster or something in there, right?" Megumin agreed eagerly. "I mean, we haven't found one yet and we're at the end of our dungeon dive. There's got to be a boss in the next room."
That was not assuring in the slightest. Keima took a moment to collect himself before following the others through an open doorway. As soon as he stepped in after them, a heavy steel door slammed down behind him, the kind that you'd expect to find when a heavily secured building goes into lockdown.
"Ha, I knew it!" Megumin practically squeed. "This is definitely the boss room!"
Keima found himself reminded of the Mega Man games he used to play as a kid, back when the world was simpler and he hadn't discovered his love of galge yet. This certainly felt like the part where you reached the end of the level and had to fight a Robot Master or Maverick to clear the stage. He half expected a big red 'WARNING' sign to flash over his eyes.
A loud creaking noise echoed from the far side of the open chamber, which, now that Keima was able to get a closer look at it, seemed almost like some kind of air base hanger. Instead of planes, however, more of those strange gynoid golems were lined up, these ones with large wings mounted to their backs and armed with what Keima could only describe as automatic crossbows built into their arms in place of hands. Thankfully, none of them were active and most didn't seem to be in functioning condition, with visible rust and parts falling off. The same could sadly not be said, however, of the mechanical samurai resting in the lotus position in front of the far wall, who turned its head up to face the party as they approached.
The samurai golem placed its hands on its knees, then rose to its feet as it picked up the long sword that had been lying on the floor in front of it, the blade of which was well over a meter in length. At first, Keima thought that it must have been an odachi, but as the samurai gripped the handle with both hands spread apart, he realized that it could be more accurately described as a nagamaki. Either way, he wasn't exactly keen on the idea of getting anywhere near that thing.
"Light of Saber!"
"Cursed Crystal Prison!"
A beam of light slashed across the metal samurai's breastplate and a cage of frigid ice condensed around it, and for a moment it seemed as if the battle was over as soon as it had begun. Then the ice melted thanks to a pair of flamethrowers built into the samurai's wrists and it practically flew through the air, swinging its blade down over Yunyun's head. Time seemed to stand still as the timid girl stood there shaking, but Megumin managed to react in time by tackling the taller girl out of the way. She took a nasty blow to the arm, letting out a scream as the blade cut clean through to the bone. The samurai wasted no time, turning and thrusting its blade towards Wiz, who blocked it with a wall of ice. The samurai golem let go of its sword, which had been fully embedded in the ice, and jumped away from them, moving further than something of its weight should have.
Keima had a moment to take in the situation as the samurai seemed to size him up. Yunyun was hastily attempting to make a makeshift tourniquet to keep Megumin from bleeding out and would be tied down just trying to keep her friend alive, while Wiz seemed to have inadvertently trapped herself in her own ice. Great, just great.
He now had to fight the Robot Master on his own, and he was never that good at Mega Man.
That was just an analogy but Keima found himself wishing that he really was just playing a video game. Then he would have had a checkpoint before the battle that he and the others could go back to if they died, allowing them to restart the fight with a better understanding of what they were getting into, or more likely just choose to turn back instead. Not to mention that the boss would have some sort of obvious glowing weak point for them to exploit… wait a second, it did!
Keima focused his gaze on the samurai golem's chest, which he realized had been more damaged by Yunyun's attack than he had initially thought. The steel replica of a samurai's dou had a massive crack torn across it, through which he could see a blue glow. The golem's core must have been exposed, and while this one seemed more resistant to magic than the others, if he could just manage to fire a spell into that crack, he was sure that he could overload it. The main problem was that he couldn't aim a spell accurately enough from a distance. He'd have to aim from point blank, which meant that he'd have to get a lot closer to that thing than he wanted to be.
He glanced back to Yunyun, who was trying to feed Megumin some kind of health potion, then to Wiz who was busy melting her ice cage. He sighed, realizing that he had no choice but to do this himself.
Keima, the shut-in galge addict and rising videogame journalist, was pushed to the side and Keima, the adventurer and wizard, took control. Either way, he was the God of Conquest.
"Alright, Sasaki, let's do this." Keima brandished his wand, a sudden wave of courage washing over him.
The next thing that Keima knew, he was staring directly into the bronze oni mask built into the golem's helmet, mere inches from his face. Fighting the urge to flinch, Keima stared defiantly into glowing eyes behind the holes in the robot samurai's mask. The golem stepped away again and assumed a martial stance, apparently having deemed Keima a worthy opponent. That was its mistake.
The samurai thrust in with a palm strike. Keima took the brunt of the blow, which managed to dislocate his shoulder, and thrust the end of his wand through the tear in its armor.
"Lightning."
The metal samurai golem exploded. Keima was sent flying into a workbench propped up against a wall, his ears ringing as the world around him seemed to swirl. Everything was pain but eventually, his senses returned to something resembling normal.
"Are you alright?" Yunyun was crouched over him, an understandably worried look on her face. "Oh, no, I already used the last health potion."
"I'll be fine," Keima said with a groan as he sat up. "How's everyone else?"
"I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have had to do that alone!" Wiz rushed up to them.
"Megumin's in bad shape but she should be able to hold out until we can teleport back to Axel and find a Priest," Yunyun explained.
"Then we shouldn't linger any longer than we have to." Keima slowly stood up, stumbling a bit as he did so, and noticed that an old journal had fallen onto his lap when he hit the table. "Get ready to teleport, I'll be with you in a moment."
As Yunyun and Wiz hurried back to tend to Megumin and prep the spell, Keima flipped open the journal. He was hoping that it might shine some light on what this place was and why it was so out of place with the rest of Belzerg. He was surprised to find that the book was written in Japanese, albeit in a somewhat archaic dialect. He could still make out the basics of what it said, however, which was something to the effect of:
Entry XX/XX
It has only been a week since I found myself in this strange land and my plans are already falling apart. I thought that airheaded being calling herself a goddess was simply being foolish when she granted me the boon I requested upon being reincarnated in this hellish land, that she honestly believed me when I told her that I would only use this fortress and its many resources to defeat the so-called Devil King and bring peace to this realm. I would not have guessed that someone, or something, seemingly so naive would have seen through my plans to conquer these lands myself and forge a new empire under my rule. But I see now that the goddess' ditzy personality must have been a ruse, for no sooner had I defeated the Devil King with my mechanical army, than the Clockwork Palace shut down nearly all facilities and functions, having seemingly exhausted its power supply. The backup generator may have enough energy to run the basic systems in perpetuity but in its current state, my fortress is nearly useless to my plans. That is why I must abandon this place for now in pursuit of a new power supply. I do not know how long this journey may take, or if I will even be successful at all. As such, I must also prepare alternative means of conquering this land. The Devil King had an infant daughter, who I had chosen to spare as just such a contingency. If the child will possess even a fraction of her father's power, she will make a suitable heir capable of fulfilling my goals. One way or another, this strange world will be mine.
~Ryoma Yasaka
Wait, so this entire dungeon was the cheat item of a former 'hero' who was actually a villain? That seemed to explain a lot and yet nothing at the same time. Overanalyzing what he had just read was just bound to give him a headache and he figured that it wasn't all that important to begin with seeing as the journal seemed quite old. The date was illegible but judging from the wear on both the journal itself and the dungeon in general, it seemed clear that the owner would be long dead by this point. He decided to just toss the old book aside and head back to the others. He'd switched back to his default personality once the battle was over, meaning that he had mostly stopped caring by this point anyway and just wanted to put this whole excursion behind him, going back home to the mansion. He still had a long backlog of galge awaiting his attention.
Of course, if Keima were more savvy to the genres his life was now dictated by instead of still being in harem rom-com mode, he would have been paying a bit more attention. After all, Chekov's gun was bound to be fired eventually and there was a reasonable chance he'd end up its target. But it'll be fine, what's the worst that could happen?
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
In the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: Rest For This Weary Soul!
Darkness walked face-first into a support pillar. She seemed to be fine but the pillar had been cracked and was crumbling apart.
"Alright, this is it." Kazuma pushed against a brick in the middle of a nondescript wall, and the whole thing opened up in front of them, revealing the hidden passage. "From this point on, it's all unexplored territory."
Why did dungeon crawling have to take so looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong? Aqua just wanted treasure already, was that so much to ask for? They made their way around another corner of the underground labyrinth and thankfully there weren't any monsters waiting to ambush them there this time. She was already getting tired of combat. Just how many low-level demons and undead were there in this stupid dungeon?
Author's Note: Fun fact: this is currently the longest chapter I've written of any of my fics so far, at over 8,700 words! Now I wonder how long that will last since my average chapter length has dramatically increased over the years and at this point, I think I've beaten my own 'longest chapter' record several times in the past year.
I've also realized that I haven't really been responding to comments lately, so I'm going to answer a couple questions that I've been asked so far.
A Guest asks: 'Does Elsie's firetruck have unlimited water?'
Answer: No, it can only carry as much water as a normal fire truck would be able to. However, with Aqua around that isn't much of an issue. They can just use her like a fire hydrant if they need to, having a near-limitless supply of holy water.
MatthewC asks: "It feels like Keima needs something to motivate him. He's far too content with his cheat item right now. Maybe the demon king could steal it or something?"
Answer: I have plans for this. Oh, so many plans. I can't go into any real detail at this point without spoiling future plot developments but Keima will be losing his PFP later on, as well as generally adapting to life in Belzerg even before that happens. In fact, we're seeing him take his first steps in that direction in this very chapter.
That's it for now. Feel free to comment with your own questions if you have any, and I'll try to answer them in the author's notes of future chapters. Or, if you want a more direct line straight to me, you can join my Discord server (invite code in my author bio, I try to keep it updated regularly but DM me if it's expired) to discuss this or any of my other fics.