Chapter 16: The Apostasy Of This Holy City!
Kazuma's family had gone on a trip out to a famous hot spring town when he was around nine. While his parents and little brother did the normal hot springs tourist stuff, Kazuma spent most of that trip trying to sneak into the women's baths. In fact, that's what he was doing when his parents left without him. It wasn't until the next day that he'd been discovered sleeping in a laundry basket in the largest onsen's ladies' dressing room. The cops had assumed they'd left him by accident and drove him home, much to his parents' annoyance. Then they beat him up once the cops left but he was already used to that by then.
The point of that story, of course, was that Kazuma had seen what hot springs towns were like back home in Japan and that they had absolutely nothing on the grandness of Arcanletia. The sprawling city was built into a valley on the edge of a massive lake, and packed with buildings similar to the medieval European designs back in Axel but all sporting the same vibrant blue rooftops that seemed to match Aqua's hair. Hundreds, possibly thousands of hot springs lined the canyon walls, looking like one of those fountains where the water flows from one pool into the next but on a much grander scale.
Kazuma may not have been one for being able to poetically describe the majesty of such an enchanting site but suffice it to say that he was impressed.
Kazuma, along with Aqua, Darkness, Chris, that one Axis priestess and some redhead chick found themselves in the middle of an open plaza in what seemed to be the business district. Shops and restaurants lined the streets as far as they could see.
"Thanks, babe." Cecily grabbed the Wizard's hand. "We've got some important business to take care of and I'm not sure how long it's going to take. Why don't you wait for me over at the Mermaid's Tits? They put on quite a show over there."
"Sure, honey," the other girl said. Then, to Kazuma's surprise and arousal, the two proceeded to sloppily make out, right there in public like something out of one of his fantasies.
He and Darkness stood there, mesmerized and slightly drooling while they watched the epic duel of tongues playing out right in front of them, while Chris let out a loud huff of annoyance and Aqua waited impatiently. Finally, the two girls pulled away from each other, panting and out of breath, and the redhead that had teleported them there ran off for what Kazuma would later find out was a lesbian strip club.
This city was the best.
"Alright, what's the plan," Chris asked, pulling everyone into a huddle.
"Well, I need to make a proclamation that will reach as many of my followers as possible," Aqua said. "The best place for that is going to be the courtyard outside the Axis Cathedral. They've got a hu~ge statue of me there and I think if I climb up on statue me's shoulder, I should draw enough of a crowd."
"Well, you'll certainly make a scene, anyway," Kazuma grumbled.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
When Kazuma thought of what a cathedral looked like, he pictured one of those grand white buildings you'd see in anime, influenced by Catholic design, with the pointy towers and big round windows. In that aspect, the Axis Cathedral lived up to his expectations.
On the other hand, he expected the cathedral and its surrounding area to be sparkling clean, tidy and full of stick-in-the-mud reverent worshipers going about their holy duties or whatever. Instead, the whole neighborhood looked as if it had been ransacked. Windows had been broken, graffiti was everywhere and there were even a few small fires scattered about as people ran around in a crazed delirium.
"W-what's going on?" Aqua panicked, looking around in horror.
"Didn't you hear?" one guy in a torn toga asked as he ran by. "The Goddess has abandoned us!"
"What? No, I didn't," Aqua insisted, though it was already too late as the guy had run off again. "I didn't abandon anyone! This is all just a big misunderstanding!"
"It's alright," Chris tried to calm her down with a reassuring pat on the back. "We're going to get this sorted out in a moment, we just need to get… to… Oh, no."
Kazuma followed the goddess-in-disguise's gaze and immediately realized why she'd trailed off so abruptly. They had reached the statue that Aqua had mentioned earlier, a giant marble figure of an angelic woman in flowing robes standing atop a fountain with her arms spread wide in an inviting embrace, that didn't look anything like Aqua in Kazuma's eyes. Speaking of eyes, the statue's had been crossed off with black paint, along with the words 'AQUA IS DEAD' in big letters across her breasts. There were also a number of other symbols and phrases in various colors as well, such as 'Puck was here', 'what is love', 'Regina lives' and 'For a good time, ask for Ginger at the Good Knight's Rest Inn'. Kazuma's attention was naturally drawn to that last one and he made a mental note to follow its instructions later.
Aqua, the real one not the defiled statue, fell to her knees and began crying, twin fountains of water shooting out of her eyes. Normally, Kazuma would just chastise her for it but for once he actually felt bad for the useless no-longer-a-goddess. Chris ended up being the one to lend her a hand, pulling Aqua back to her feet.
"Come on, Aqua," Chris said. "You still want to address your followers, right? To explain the situation?"
"What followers?" Aqua gestured weakly to the defiled statue. "They've already hardened their hearts against me!"
"There are always a few bad apples in the bunch, who were probably already looking for an excuse to cause trouble," the fake Thief tried to reassure her, though didn't sound very convinced. "I'm sure the rest of your flock will be more than willing to hear you out and will understand what happened."
"Cecily was still willing to help you," Darkness added. "I'm sure that the other members of the Axis Order will do the same. And if not, then I will bear the brunt of their disdain for you. Let them throw their sticks and hurl their stones at me in your place."
"Yeah, most of us will still be behind you, all the way!" Cecily chimed in.
Kazuma just groaned, not wanting to add anything to this awkward sap-fest. Despite his lack of input, though, Aqua had enough encouragement from the girls to dry her tears and take a step forward.
"Yeah, you're right," Aqua marched slowly toward her statue. "I've got this."
She jumped up onto the edge of the fountain and began struggling to climb up the slick marble. She wasn't able to get far on her own, though, until Darkness ran over to give her a boost. A crowd started to form around them as Aqua ascended her statue, either because of the unusual sight or the fact that everyone could get a good look at her lack of panties. Kazuma felt something rising in his chest as he eyed everyone looking up at her unintended display and felt ready to snap by the time she finally managed to steady herself on the statue's arm with one hand on its head to hold herself up. What had just come over him?
"Greetings, my children!" Aqua declared as loudly as she could, her voice carrying far over the growing crowd gathering in the plaza. "That's right, I am Aqua, your goddess! I'm sorry if it feels like I've abandoned you! Circumstances outside of my control have cut off my power from you but I can assure you that this is just a temporary setback! I just need your faith and your prayers, now more than ever, and everything will go right back to normal! Come on, chop chop! I said pray!"
There was a lot of murmuring among the gathered Axis worshipers. Few, if any, of the assembled crowd seemed to believe Aqua, not that Kazuma could blame them. He wouldn't have either if he were one of them.
That was when Aqua got beaned in the eye by a rotten tomato that someone had pulled out from who-knows-where. The sudden attack knocked Aqua straight off her feet and she fell. She likely would have cracked her head open on the fountain's edge if Darkness hadn't been there to catch her.
The Crusader had to rush into the cathedral itself, fallen goddess in her arms, as the crowd rallied into full-on rioters. Kazuma was right behind them, of course, though not before making sure that the bastard who escalated things found himself suddenly without a wallet. Chris went with them, while Emperor Zell surprisingly stayed behind to drive off the crowd before they could follow them into the church, along with Cecily. The people seemed oddly wary of the angry, oversized chicken, less so about the Priest.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
It had only been a few hours since he and everyone else in the Axis clergy had felt their connection to the goddess suddenly severed and yet to Zesta, it felt like it had been an eternity. He'd been up practically all night debating the spiritual and doctrinal ramifications of what was happening, which was far from how he would have preferred to spend that time. Despite everything, he remained steadfast that Lady Aqua would never abandon her children and that there was a logical explanation for this unprecedented phenomenon but many of the 'faithful' did not share his views.
And now he had been left to fill out the mountain of paperwork left behind as nearly half of the Axis' priesthood had walked out on the church. To think that his brothers and sisters would abandon their goddess so quickly filled him with shame, which was not something that he could remember having ever felt before. Unlike his parents, for whom shame had been a constant in their lives since that day as a young man when he'd walked out on his life to chase a girl, literally, into the Axis Order. But that was a long, long time ago.
Arch Priest Zesta was pulled out of his fond memories of his twelfth girlfriend by the sound of a commotion outside. At first, he worried that the rioters had finally made their way into the cathedral but he let out a sigh of relief when it was just a small group of adventurers that hurried in and settled onto one of the pews lining the main chapel. He quickly got up from his desk and walked out of his office to greet the new arrivals. He would say that the fact that three of the four were scrumptious young women didn't affect his decision to do so but that would be a bold-faced lie.
"Welcome, my children." Zesta waved to them as he approached, his eyes devouring the incredibly buxom blonde knight and the silver-haired tomboy. The brown-haired boy didn't interest him and they were all huddled over the fourth member of their group so that he couldn't get a good look at her yet. "What can I do for… you…"
They parted ways and Zesta fell to his knees at once, eyes wide and mind empty of all other thought. He'd recognize that blue-haired beauty anywhere. Even if he couldn't sense any divine power from her, he'd seen that radiant face and splendid body enough times in his dreams and visions to recognize his goddess.
"My Lady?" Zesta prostrated himself before her. "It is an honor to be graced by your presence! What would you ask of me?"
"Hey, Zesta," Aqua muttered with a glour look, holding her palm to her eye. "Wazzup?"
"Lady Aqua?" Zesta gasped, not sure what was happening. "Are you alright?"
"No! Of course, she's not alright!" the silver-haired girl snapped at him. "Does she look alright to you?"
"Relax, Eris." Aqua placed a gentle hand on the shoulder of the girl who apparently shared a name with… Wait, no, that probably was the false goddess, wasn't she? Zesta was now even more confused. Especially since she didn't have her pads. "Zesta's cool. There's a reason I put him in charge of the Order."
"Fine," the apparent goddess huffed and crossed her arms.
"Alright, so here's the deal," Aqua turned her focus to the Arch Priest, who listened with rapped attention. "I may have sort of kind of maybe gotten a bit too drunk last night and… kind of broken a divine law that I shouldn't have and got stripped of my divinity by the higher-ups."
"What could you have done to do that?" Zesta asked.
Aqua just stared at the brown-haired boy with an angry expression, who scowled back down at her. Zesta glanced back and forth between the two before closing his eyes and nodding in understanding. Then he gave them both a wink and a thumbs-up.
"Nice!"
"Ugh, what is it with you Axis freaks!" Eris groaned in exasperation, looking about ready to claw her eyes out.
"All love is good in the eyes of the goddess," Zesta recited sagely, then added for emphasis, "the true goddess. If Lady Aqua has chosen to take on a mortal lover, then I will stand by her decision-"
"I did not take a mortal lover!" Aqua blurted out.
"Why would I even want to-" her paramour seemed just as flustered.
"What happened was just a mistake!"
"Of all the girls it could've been-"
"And even if I wanted to, I could do so much better than this trashy shut-in NEET!"
"Like I'd ever want to hook up with this useless goddess!"
Yep, they were definitely made for each other. Zesta remembered fondly the days when he used to daydream about being the one to finally win the goddess' heart. He'd always been enamored by her and had spent countless hours of 'alone time' with a certain illustrated scripture guide. There was also that one time when he was still a junior Priest when he'd been tasked with cleaning a statue of the Lady in his local chapel. The head priest had walked in on him right in the middle of-
"Hey, are you even listening?" Aqua snapped her fingers right in front of Zesta's face, drawing his attention back to the present.
"Oh, yes, of course." Zesta nodded, then wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder, much to his chagrin. "And I'm very happy for the two of you. A bit disappointed that I wasn't the one to finally win your heart but if you've chosen this kid then I'll stand by you, one-hundred percent. What's your name, son?"
"Ugh, you weren't listening at all," Aqua groaned in exasperation. "Look, we're trying to jumpstart my re-ascension to divinity by rallying my followers."
"Ah, I see," Zesta let go of his new prophet and nodded, not actually convinced. "That may be easier said than done. It seems that a lot of the so-called faithful were only fair-weather worshipers. As much as it pains me to say, the number of deserters from the Order seems to grow by the hour."
"This is what happens when you turn your church into a weird sex cult," Eris chastised her.
"Oh, like you're one to talk Ms. 'Goddess of Capitalism'!" Aqua snapped back at her. "What do you think would happen if you were in my shoes right now? Do you think that the corporate pigs you call a clergy are going to stay faithful to you?"
"Ugh, I have had enough of this!" Eris groaned and turned to leave. "Call for me if you need me. Darkness, are you coming?"
"I'm afraid not, my Lady." The buxom blonde shook her head. "I believe that I should stay here to support my friends if that's alright with you."
"...Fine…" the apparent goddess sighed and walked out of the church. Good riddance, Zesta was getting worried that the cathedral was going to burn down with the false goddess' continued presence.
It was quiet for a moment before Aqua finally turned to the knight. "Actually, Darkness, why don't you and Kazuma go explore the city for a bit? I… think I need some time to think. I'll catch up with you when I'm ready."
"Are you sure about that?" the blonde, apparently named Darkness, asked with more than a hint of concern.
"Hey, if the girl says she wants us to go, we should go," the goddess' lover shrugged. "They've got mixed bathing here, right?"
"Is that really what you're thinking about at a time like this?" Darkness asked indignantly, with a notable blush.
"Yes, and I'm sure you'll enjoy it," Aqua told them.
"I'd recommend the Our Lady's Inn, down the road," Zesta said while reaching into the pocket of his robes to pull out a pair of tokens featuring the Axis crest. "The Order owns the Inn, so if you show them these then you can get rooms and unlimited access to the baths for free. Mixed only, of course."
"Nice, thanks." The goddess' lover greedily accepted the tokens and handed one to his companion.
"Are you sure that you want us to leave?" Darkness asked, placing her hand gently on the goddess' shoulder.
"Yeah, I think I'll be fine." Lady Aqua placed her own hand on the knight's arm and the two seemed to stare tenderly into each other's eyes for a moment before the knight nodded and backed away. Zesta wondered for a moment if the boy in green wasn't the only lover she had taken on. The thought of those two together certainly got a rise out of him, anyway.
"Alright, we're headin' out," the boy said with a casual wave as he placed his hand on the knight's back and led her out. "You know where we'll be if you need anything."
"I wonder if there'll be any big, lecherous men in the baths, ready to catch a peak at any unwitting young maiden who wanders in," the knight said as they left. "Maybe they'll catch me alone and try to force themselves upon me. You'll protect me if that happens, right, Kazuma?"
"Hell no, anyone strong enough to try and take you on would beat the tar out of me. Besides, as long as they don't scare away the chicks, I'm good."
"Ooh, you brute!"
Yep, they were definitely banging. Or at least going to, soon. Zesta did hope that they were doing that alongside his goddess, or that she was into that kind of thing, and not that they were going at it behind her back. Speaking of his goddess, he turned his attention back to her.
"Here, let me show you to my office. I'll make you some tea."
"Thanks, Zesta, you're the best."
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Aqua settled into an old wooden chair, which reminded her a lot of the one she had back in heaven. Her fingers dug into the ends of the armrests as a pained nostalgia surged through her heart. Was that part of her existence really behind her now? No, she couldn't let herself feel that way. There had to be a way for her to reclaim her divinity.
"Here you go, sorry that took so long." Zesta placed a steaming cup on the coster resting on his desk before walking around to take a seat on the other side.
"Thanks," Aqua said unenthusiastically as she picked up the tea with one hand and held it in front of her face. She blew on it before taking her first sip and her eyes went wide. "Is this what tea tastes like? I've never actually been able to drink it without purifying it into plain hot water, before."
"Do you like it?" Zesta asked cautiously.
"Hm…" Aqua mulled over that question in her head. "I guess it's alright. Not a big fan, though."
"Ah, I see." He looked down nervously.
"I guess it is nice to try something new, though." Aqua tried to perk up but her heart wasn't really in it. She searched for something to change the topic to, eventually coming back to a fond memory. "Hey, remember that Eris priestess you used to date? What was her name? Paris?"
"Prysha," Zesta corrected her, looking slightly embarrassed. "I realize now that trying to pursue an Erisite was a mistake, but… those boobs, that ass… that smile and the way her nose crinkled when she laughed…"
"Oh, no, no, no!" Aqua shook her head. "I'm okay with it. All love is good, after all. In fact, I think it's a shame that it didn't work out. You two would have been good together."
"Oh." Zesta blushed. "Um, thank you. Though, I'm afraid that ship has long since sailed. That was a long time ago and she got transferred to the other side of the kingdom shortly after she broke things off with me after I cheated on her. Twice. It could never work out."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that." Aqua gave a wistful smile. "She sends a prayer my way every year or two, asking for your safety. Always drives Eris crazy when she does it but I think it's sweet. Or at least, she did before now…"
"Really?" Zesta straightened up, while Aqua slouched forward. "I… That's nice to hear. Perhaps I should have treated that relationship more seriously. But I guess there's no sense dwelling on past mistakes."
"Yeah," Aqua muttered as she stared down at her tea. She quietly watched the ripples along its surface as she tried to figure out what it was that she wanted to ask. "...What's love?"
"What?" Zesta was clearly taken aback by that. "What do you mean? The entirety of the Axis Order's teachings, your teachings, are built around love."
"I know, I know," Aqua said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I know what love is, but it's just… what is it? I guess, to me, love has always just been something for other people, for mortals. I've always seen how much it makes people happy and improves their lives, so I've always encouraged it in all of its forms, but… I don't know, I guess I've just never taken the time to really think about what it's like to love, to be in love, or any of that stuff. As a goddess, I'd never really considered it an option, even before it got banned. But I know some of my old friends stepped down from their positions so that they could be with the one they loved, so there must be something about it. Something I'm missing. Something important enough that they'd leave me behind."
"Oh, well…" Zesta pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to search for an explanation. "I'm not really sure what to say. Love is a complicated topic and the subject of countless debates. It doesn't help that it comes in so many different forms and types. But I guess… love is the desire to be with someone. To share your life with them and have them share theirs with you. To join together as two halves of a whole. Also the sex. Sex is amazing."
Aqua chuckled sadly at that. "So I've always heard. But that's what got me in this mess in the first place, and I was too drunk to even remember it now."
"Well, if you'd like a refresher, then I'd be perfectly willing to-"
Aqua reached over the table and placed her finger on his devout follower's mouth, shutting him up. "Yeah, no, that's not happening. You're my favorite Arch Priest and all, and if this had happened a few decades ago then maybe, but no."
"Right, sorry, got carried away," Zesta said sheepishly as Aqua returned to her seat. "Maybe I do spend a bit too much time focused on that. It can be kind of hard to turn it off, sometimes. This would be about Kazuto-"
"Kazuma," Aqua immediately corrected him.
"Right, this would be about Kazuma and I'm guessing that Darkness girl?"
"Yeah." Aqua nodded. "Wait, no! What?"
"Never mind." Zesta shook his head, looking a bit disappointed.
Aqua sighed and leaned forward. "I don't know. Kazuma's my best bud and he's always been there for me. Sure, we started off with a rocky start, what, with his basically abducting me out of heaven to bring me down here, but… the more I think about it, and I've really been trying not to think about it, the more I realize that what happened wasn't his fault. The other goddesses wouldn't have treated his request as valid unless they really wanted to get rid of me. And since then, Kazuma's been the only one who's always been there by my side. Whenever I get into trouble, whenever I get eaten by a Giant Toad, he's always the one to bail me out. Well, and I guess our other party members, too, but mostly Kazuma."
Zesta leaned forward onto his desk, closing his eyes and nodding his head slowly. "And now you're not sure if he's just your best friend, or if you're feeling something more for him?"
Aqua moved to object, but her shoulders slumped and she hung her head to stare at her knees instead. "I guess?"
"Well, I'm afraid that the only one who'll be able to answer that question is you," Zesta replied. "But my advice, and I know this will sound hypocritical coming from me, is that you should take your time to figure things out. If you leave things as they are now, then he'll still be your friend until you can finally work out what your feelings are. But if you try to rush into anything else and it turns out you don't feel that way, then you could ruin things forever. I know I've never been able to be 'just friends' with a girl because of that."
"I see…" Aqua nodded. She was still having trouble wrapping her head around these foreign concepts but she was pretty sure she got the gist of it. "Thank you."
"On the other hand," Zesta continued, "if you don't make your move soon, then that voluptuous blonde bombshell is definitely going to steal your man."
"What?" Aqua blinked in response.
"No red-blooded man could keep his hands off a figure like that for long," Zesta explained. "I know I'd be all over her in a heartbeat."
"What, no, that's…" Aqua paused as her two brain cells finally caught up with her, "completely accurate, yeah."
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Man, Kazuma thought this place was cool. Sure, it was mixed bathing at all, but with the Axis Order being what it was, he had gotten his hopes up that there'd be a little more to this particular hot spring inn. Mixed dressing rooms, at least. But no, apparently there were regulations that even Aqua's crazy sex cult weren't able to work around.
Oh, well. At least the men's dressing room was otherwise empty so he didn't have to be around a bunch of burly naked men while getting changed into his towel. Not that he had any reason to feel inadequate when around other half-to-fully undressed dudes. Definitely not. No, sir. Nothing to worry about. He was just a grower, not a shower after all. He definitely didn't have to worry about being undersized according to extensive online research… even by the standards of a Japanese teenager.
Kazuma slapped himself out of his sudden stupor as he slung his towel over his shoulder and headed for the bath.
He'd managed to score! Sure, he was too drunk to remember it but he had empirical proof that he was no longer a virgin NEET! Aqua wasn't exactly his first choice… or his second… or his third, but hey! And Darkness had been totally all over him that morning as well! This was the start of his popular phase! Soon, all kinds of girls would be lining up to ride 'Lil' K'. Preferably better ones than the crazies he was currently stuck with. Hell, in a single morning, he'd almost caught up to Keima's harem. That's right, he hadn't failed to notice his companion's inexplicable popularity with the ladies but that newbie Wizard could suck it! Well, not it it, but Kazuma knew what he meant.
Kazuma walked out into the baths just as Darkness and Cecily stepped out from the other changing room.
"Nice." Kazuma smirked, much to Darkness' distress as the Crusader blushed and tried to cover herself with her towel and arms.
"If only I could say the same." Cecily returned the look as she nonchalantly swung her own towel over her shoulder with one hand and pointed down with the other. "You sure you're not a girl?"
"Hey!" Kazuma flushed. "That was uncalled for! I'll have you know that I am a grower, not a shower!"
"Yeah, sure." Cecily gave an unconvincing shrug. "Gotta be hiding something if you managed to land the goddess. Or maybe the alcohol did all the work?"
Kazuma was just about ready to show that pompous bitch the true meaning of gender equality but managed to keep his head just cool enough not to snap. He didn't want to get kicked out of the baths, after all. "Hey, why are you even here with us? Shouldn't you be meeting up with your girlfriend?"
"What girlfriend?" Cecily asked, sounding as if she had no idea what Kazuma was talking about.
"That… that redhead you made out with this morning." Kazuma flushed again as the memory caused a certain involuntary action, causing Cecily's smirk to deepen while Darkness turned her face away in embarrassment while her gaze remained fixed on him.
"I'm going into the bath," Darkness muttered before slipping off into the water.
"Oh, her," Cecily replied. "Yeah, that wasn't going to work out. She was good for a night but I'm not really into 'relationships'. Now come on, don't want to keep your side-chick waiting."
"Darkness is not my side chick!" Kazuma yelled at her.
"I am not his side chick!" Darkness huffed indignantly as Kazuma and Cecily walked up to the water's edge.
"Sure, sure." Cecily stepped into the hot spring. "Well, I better not hear that Aqua's the side girl or you won't be 'showing' or 'growing' if you catch my meaning."
Kazuma did catch the meaning and took a seat between the two blondes, slumping down so that the hot water went up past his mouth. Damn it, mixed bathing was supposed to be fun!
His bad mood didn't last long, however, as he relaxed in the hot spring water. It felt like he was in heaven, fitting for a hot spring theoretically blessed by a goddess of water, and seemed to wash away all of his cares. Soon, Kazuma was leaning back on the stone edge of the bath without a care in the world.
"Kazuma!" Darkness sounded scandalized and the boy in question opened his eyes again to see what was up. He found her clutching at her face, making a token show of struggling not to look down at him. "Put a towel on!"
Oh, right. Kazuma hurriedly grabbed the towel still on his shoulder and wrapped it around his waist. Now that he took a moment to think about it, this whole mess would have been avoided if he'd simply put it on in the first place.
"I'd chastise you, but you know what they say about throwing bricks in glass houses," Cecily chuckled before turning her back to them and swimming over to the side.
That left Kazuma and Darkness alone together, conspicuously avoiding eye contact with each other. Kazuma decided to just enjoy the hot spring for now. The morning had already been hectic enough and he could use the chance to unwind and relax. Darkness, however, seemed to have other plans.
"You know, it would be unwise to let yourself, um… 'rise to the occasion' in public like that," she said bashfully, curling her lips back as she hesitantly moved a hand towards him before shying away again. Popular phase, baby! "As a knight, it is my duty to tend to the needs of my party members, so allow me to offer myself up to-"
"FOR HELL'S SAKE! THIS IS A PUBLIC BATH!"
The two not-lovers suddenly snapped up and quickly shifted away from each other as the heavy steam rising from the hot water was blown away with the wave of a hand. They hadn't even realized that they weren't alone but now a very irate pink-haired elf with a gem set in the middle of her forehead and a body that could rival Wiz was staring angrily at them from the other end of the bath. Beside her, a burly man with short, spiky brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard was sitting on the rocks, clutching his knees.
"Have you Axis freaks no decency?" the elf lady shouted at them.
"They keep preaching and trying to convert me and won't shut up for a goddamn second," the man muttered to himself. "And always trying to force their stupid soap into me."
"They're not Axis, just horny," Cecily corrected them. "I'm Axis, though, but for once I'm not in the mood to convert. Too much going on, as you're probably aware if you've been here this morning."
"I am deeply sorry for my actions just now," Darkness bowed her head. "It was completely out of line for me to act so untoward in a public area."
"And for once, I didn't do anything wrong," Kazuma added.
The woman shook her head and sighed before pulling up her towel, which to Kazuma's delight was too small to cover much. "Whatever, I was just about to get out, anyway."
With that, she stood up and made for the door, hurrying as fast as she could with three pairs of eyes fixed on her. Her companion also made to stand up but hesitated around halfway to the door.
"Damn this stupid city!" He suddenly threw a bar of soup so hard onto the floor that it bounced up and over the privacy fence surrounding the hot spring, before hurrying out.
"Weirdo," Cecily muttered.
Kazuma just slid back into the bath, trying to relax. Then he realized something. "Wait, did he say that they try to put soap in him? What was that about?"
"Axis brand edible soap!" the Priest suddenly perked up. "It's packed with important vitamins and essential oils!"
He immediately regretted asking.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Wiz set about tending her shop, as she did most days. No customers had come in that morning since most of the townsfolk were still celebrating yesterday's victories. Not that she particularly minded as she was far too caught up in her own thoughts to socialize at the moment.
Had she really helped defeat the Devil King? Normally, she would consider that bastard's death to be a good thing, but… she just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. As she dusted off another shelf, it finally clicked.
She still had the passive buffs granted to her through her status as one of his generals. But if he really was dead, that connection would have been severed instantly, right?
The lich's dead heart nearly leaped out of her chest at the sound of a bell ringing. Then she realized that it was just a customer that had walked in through the front door. She relaxed and turned to greet them.
"Hello, welcome to… my… shop…"
And just like that, she was panicking again, though she did her best not to show it. Two people had just entered; an unassuming old man with a receding hairline and crooked joints, and a hooded woman clad in a white coat, black gloves and a porcelain mask that completely covered her face. She wasn't sure about the woman but Wiz would recognize that man anywhere, even if he was in human guise.
"Y-Y-Your Highness?" Wiz stammered, not believing what she was seeing. Had the Devil King really tracked her down to enact his revenge for betraying him? "W-what brings you here?"
"Highness? My, do you always treat your guests with such respect?" the old man asked with a smile, which was then replaced with a scowl as he straightened up. "You know what, no. Now's not the time for playing dumb. I'm here because some maniacs managed to get the Destroyer past my castle's barrier and blow the damn thing up! They killed everyone, General Wiz. They killed my daughter!"
Oh, no. That was probably the worst-case scenario. Not only did the Devil King survive but now he would be after revenge. She also very much doubted that he would be willing to keep to his end of their deal, now. How could he be expected not to harm the innocent, when in his eyes all of Belzerg were probably guilty of murdering his only family?
"Oh, no, that's terrible," Wiz gasped, trying her best to sound like she wasn't already aware of it. "But then shouldn't you be out trying to find whoever's responsible?"
She really hoped that she didn't throw Kazuma and his party under the wagon with that question. It probably wouldn't take much to find out it was them, considering how public the announcement was. Chances are, at least half of the country would know they were responsible by nightfall.
"All in due time," the Devil King replied. "But first, I need to round up all of my remaining generals and their troops. I have already contacted Vanir, who is currently searching for a suitable base of operations that we can use for the time being. Hopefully, he'll find a nice old dungeon or something that we can hole up in until we've mustered enough of our forces."
"I… see…" Wiz tried not to wince. "And… what would you have of me?"
"For now, I want you to keep an ear out to see if you can find out anything about who is responsible," the Devil King replied. "And stay alert. I'll send Vanir to come collect you once we've found our new base."
"Okay." Wiz nodded, her mind running in circles as she tried to find a way out of this. But even she wasn't entirely sure if she could take him on in a one-on-one fight, not to mention that she had no idea who or what the masked woman with him was. "W-were there any other survivors?"
"No." The Devil King shook his head. "I did my best to find anyone, but… only the two of us made it."
Wiz then turned her focus to the mysterious masked individual, who spoke up at last.
"It is through the grace of the goddess that I survived," she said in a harsh, dry whisper that barely sounded human. "Though in Lady Regina's infinite wisdom, she decided that I would not make it through untouched."
Wiz's eyes widened as she suddenly realized who was standing before her. "G-General Seresdina?"
The Dark Priest nodded in confirmation.
"I had to dig her out of the rubble by hand," the Devil King said. "Anyway, that's all for now. Wait here until Vanir comes to get you and try to keep a low profile. Oh, and do not speak a word of this to anyone. The world thinks I'm dead. Let's keep it that way until the time is right."
And then, in a flash of Teleport, they were gone and Wiz was once again alone in her shop. She felt the strength in her legs give way at once and she had to grab the countertop behind her to avoid falling to the floor.
She had to warn Kazuma and the others before it was too late.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
In the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: An Engagement In This Crimson Village!
Keima ran faster than his legs had ever carried him as he was chased down by a thunderous stampede of the absolute horniest females of any species that he'd ever had the misfortune of being in the same plane of existence as. Why was he always the one women were chasing? Where the hell was Kazuma? That bastard was the one who should be dealing with this right now! Or Dust! Or Keith! Or even that one guy with the mohawk and the pink suspenders! Anyone but him!
"I see, I see." Yunyun's dad nodded thoughtfully, a dour look on his face that quickly melted into a wide grin. "We were wondering what that racket was about yesterday and why the Devil King's army didn't attack this morning like they usually do. I can't believe my sweet baby girl was in the party that defeated both the Destroyer and the Devil King! I mean, this is bad for tourism but still! Worth it!"
"Do you have any idea what this means?" Soketto asked, causing Elsie to freeze up. While she was pretty sure that she would never turn evil, that vision was pretty damning. But then the Crimson Demon burst out into a huge grin. "I just predicted the coming of the next Devil Queen! I can't wait to rub this in everyone's faces at the next Fortune Tellers conversation over in Elroad! Casandra can suck it!"
Author's Notes: And so begins the start of the Arcanletia arc, though under completely different circumstances than canon. And next chapter, we're jumping over to the Crimson Demon Village to see how the other half of the party are fairing. I'm going to be alternating between the two plotlines for the next few chapters until our nominal heroes finally manage to reunite.