Chapter 17: An Engagement In This Crimson Village!
Would it have been too much to ask for Yunyun to have set her Crimson Demon Village teleport marker, or however that spell worked, in the village itself? Perhaps in her family home, or in a designated plaza set aside for incoming teleports?
Yes, apparently it was.
She'd said something about how simply appearing in the town square wouldn't have been dramatic enough. That visitors must approach the village as if they'd traveled far and wide to get there before announcing themselves to all present. Even for residents of the village itself, it was a common practice. Thus, she'd had to teleport them several miles away from their intended destination.
That, on its own, wasn't too bad. They could just have Elsie summon her fire truck so that they could ride it the rest of the way. No, the problem was that a local tribe of orcs that wandered the area had happened to set up camp right where Yunyun's teleport spot was.
That, also, shouldn't have been an issue. From the mutilated elves of J. R. R. Tolkien to the giant fungal ape things of Warhammer, orcs were a standardized part of European fantasy and an expected feature to find in a world like this. But of course, Belzerg was a messed up hellhole that couldn't get anything right and in this case, that meant that orc men had been wiped to near extinction by EXP-hungry adventurers in an era long past, leaving only the women to carry on by breeding with suitable males of other races. Giant, literally pig-headed women with physiques that would make bodybuilders with myostatin deficiencies look lethe by comparison, who would force themselves on any unfortunate sap that they happened to find.
And Keima was the only male around for literal miles. The nightmare just kept growing.
"I! HATE! YOU!"
Keima ran faster than his legs had ever carried him as he was chased down by a thunderous stampede of the absolute horniest females of any species that he'd ever had the misfortune of being in the same plane of existence with. Why was he always the one women were chasing? Where the hell was Kazuma? That bastard was the one who should be dealing with this right now! Or Dust! Or Keith! Or even that one guy with the mohawk and the pink suspenders! Anyone but him!
"Get back here, you sexy boy!" one orc yelled after him as its hooves pounded the earth.
"Slow down, handsome, and let's have some fun!"
"I want to have all of your kids! Fifty, no, eighty!"
And where were his party members during all of this? His supposed friends, including his oh-so-precious younger sister? Hell if he knew. He'd lost track of them almost instantly.
Finally, Keima reached the point where his legs couldn't carry him any further and he tripped, tumbling into a heap and rolling along the ground at high speed. If he didn't think fast, they would have caught him almost instantly.
But he was the God of Conquest. Thinking fast was what he did.
"Bottomless Swamp!"
Keima quick-cast one of his newly acquired Advanced-level spells, learned courtesy of the recent tremendous level gains from the day prior. Apparently, spells from that tier of magic usually required years of study and researching the secrets of the arcane arts, on top of the skill point requirements. Fortunately for Keima, it seemed that a fundamental grasp of the laws of reality and physics acquired from a modern high school curriculum was an acceptable substitute. Probably why reincarnated heroes always had a leg up on local Wizards when it came to magic.
Where his fingers touched the grassy ground, a purple mire spread out to engulf the area behind Keima as he came to a halt and within seconds, hundreds of orc women suddenly found themselves waist-deep in toxic sludge and continued to sink. Now they were the ones at his mercy!
"Ah! Come on, baby!" a blonde orc with pink skin begged. "Don't be like this!"
Keima rose to his feet and dusted himself off while the legion of pig women struggled not to drown in his dark bog.
"And why shouldn't I?" He cocked an eyebrow.
"Were we too forward for you?" she asked, desperation in her beady little eyes. "Maybe we could go steady first? Get to know each other?"
"Counter proposal." Keima raised both arms with a flourish, fingers spread out. "Inferno."
Keima wasn't one to say that he loved the smell of napalm in the morning. In fact, he felt a bit sick as a wave of intense flames shot out from his hands, engulfing the captive orc herd and burying them in fire for as long as he could. Which wasn't very long, considering that a base-level Wizard normally wouldn't be able to Advanced Magic at all. He really needed to upgrade to an Advanced class.
After a few seconds, both fire and swamp dissipated to reveal of field of moderately burned orcs nursing their wounds or gasping for air.
"Now, go."
Keima didn't need to say that twice, as the whole horde quickly scrambled to their feet and scampered off back to their camp. Elsie, Yunyun and Megumin stood, stunned, with looks of horror and awe at the brutal display. Yunyun being on one end of that scale while Megumin was firmly on the other.
"W-was that really necessary?" Yunyun asked, looking worried.
"Completely," came Keima's reply.
"That was amazing!" Megumin practically squealed, pivoting on her toes and wringing her hands around her staff. "How did you do that? I thought you were still just a regular Wizard!"
"Yeah, I should probably look into…" Keima paused. "Wait, what did you just say?"
"Oh, er…" Megumin dropped back to her feet and shifted around, refusing to make eye contact. "I mean, that wasn't nearly as impressive as an Explosion spell would have been but it was alright."
"Nope, no, we all heard you," Keima folded his arms with a smug grin. "You think normal magic is cool."
"No, I don't!" the little maniac stomped her foot on the ground, proving her age by throwing a tantrum. "Ugh, let's just go to the village already."
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
The Crimson Demon Village was not what Keima was expecting, not that he minded. When he'd pictured what the town Yunyun and Megumin grew up in looked like, based off of what he knew of their culture, he was expecting dark, gothic architecture and constantly cloudy skies provided via some kind of weather control spell. Instead, it was a rather quaint country town full of moderately sized huts with thatched roofs. It actually seemed quite pleasant, despite all precedent.
"Well, here we are," Megumin said with a noncommittal shrug as they walked up to the main gate. "Home, sweet home."
"Halt! Who dares step foot in this cursed village!" A melodramatic voice yelled as a man in a red-lined black cape stepped out from behind one of the houses.
"Oh, no." Megumin grimaced.
"You should not have come here unless you wish to prepare for trouble!" A woman with long hair and a black and purple outfit approached from the other side, swishing her hips wide as she walked.
"If you find yourself a foe, then you should make that double!" the guy declared as they both came to a stop beside each other.
"We're here to protect this village from devastation!" the woman said, stepping in front of her counterpart and waving her hand dramatically through the air.
"And to unite all people within our nation!" The man stepped out from behind her and crouched down.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!" The woman turned around to show off her back.
"To extend our reach to the stars above!" The man rose back up, striking a pose in front of his counterpart.
"I am Soketto, foremost fortune teller of the Crimson Demon clan!" the woman introduced herself loudly.
"I am Bukkororii, heir and apprentice to the Crimson Demon clan's foremost cobbler!" The man did the same, though it was far less impressive.
"The Crimson Demon Clan blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meow, that's right!" A little girl in an oversized cape jumped out from a bush, a yellow, star-shaped ornament and a cat ear headband in her hair, which was tied back in a pair of short pigtails.
"Komekko!" Megumin shouted at the girl in a scolding tone. "What are you doing with these bozos? Get over here, now!"
"Aww…" The girl, who Keima realized must have been the younger sister that Megumin mentioned earlier, took off the headband and held it in her small hand as he trudged over to them with her shoulders slumped and her head held low. "I am Komekko, the cutest and most precious little sister of the Crimson Demon Clan."
"A-alright, now that introductions have been made," Yunyun stammered nervously, "let's just head straight to my house before-"
"Hark!" A loud voice boomed and Keima looked up to see an older man with a well-trimmed mustache posing on the roof of a nearby house, clad in a long gray coat. "What visitors grace our humble village of magic and misery?"
The man jumped off the roof and did a forward summersault before landing hard on his feet. Judging from his grimace and the way he held his knees, he likely hadn't thought that move through.
"Oh, ow, why did I think that was a good idea?" the man grunted before rising to his feet and crossing his arms over his chest. "I am Chief Hiropon, supreme chieftain of the Crimson Demon clan and he who has led our proud and mighty people through these dark and troubling times! Now, who are you who would enter our hollowed grounds?"
"Do we really need to go through this, Dad?" Yunyun asked, looking and sounding exasperated.
"Dad?" The chief cocked an eyebrow as he looked down at her. "Funny, I don't recall raising a daughter who would fail to introduce herself properly."
"Ugh, fine." Yunyun sighed, then took a moment to compose herself and breathe before whispering to herself, "Okay, you can do this. Just remember your lessons."
Then the timid girl's entire disposition seemed to shift. She jutted her hip to the side and placed her right hand in front of her left eye, fingers spread and palm facing out, while hiding her other hand behind her back.
"I… AM YUNYUN!" Her eyes flashed brightly as she channeled the energy of her people, startling both Keima and Elsie who hadn't seen this side of her before. "The greatest magical tutor of the Crimson Demon Clan and she who will tear the mantle of leadership from their chief with my bare hands! I have returned to my homeland on a valiant quest to see how everyone's doing!"
"And I am Megumin, foremost genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, Mistress of Explosion Magic and she who has slain the Devil King through the power of my forbidden mystical arts!" Megumin introduced herself with even more bombastic exuberance than usual. "And we have brought with us guests, those who would dare place themselves amongst our ranks yet do not share our blood!"
"What?" Keima muttered, thrown off by that last comment.
"Ooh, ooh, ooh!" Elsie jumped up and down with her hand up, clearly much more enthusiastic about this than her brother. "Can I go next?"
"Of course," Chief Hiropon nodded.
"Alright!" Elsie twirled her scythe around before planting the butt of the handle into the soft ground. "I am Elucia de Lute Ima! The most excellent exorcist of New Hell and the only demon to have ever joined the Axis Order! Oh, but what is this? I am also known by another name! For you see, I am also Elsie Katsuragi the Dark Knight, beloved sister of none other than the God of Conquest himself!"
Naturally, she gestured to Keima during that last part, drawing everyone's eyes to him. Including the many bystanders who had wandered over to see what the commotion was about. They now had a growing audience of several dozen villagers that continued to grow.
"Marvelous introductions, all around!" The chief clapped and let out a hearty laugh. "It's not often visitors are able or willing to present themselves in the manner of our customs..now, what about you, boy? You've already got quite the title but can you back it up?"
"No." Keima folded his arms and looked up. "I'm not doing this."
"Please, Keima." Yunyun grabbed him by the arm and he looked down into her soulful red eyes. Damn it, that sad puppy look wasn't fair. "As my apprentice, it would look bad on me if you didn't honor my people's traditions."
Keima let out an exasperated sigh as she let go of him and stepped to the side, then began tapping his foot irritably. He took his glasses off and rubbed his temples. He really, really didn't want to put up with this bull but it didn't seem like there'd be any way to get out of it at this point without getting hounded by these weirdo townsfolk. So, he did the only thing that he could think of.
Keima the disgruntled adventurer closed his eyes. It took a moment for him to recenter himself. After a few deep breaths, however, a new, forbidden persona emerged. One fueled by chuunibyo and the arcane. Keima the Crimson Demon opened his eyes for the first time and placed his glasses back on. The lighting seemed to shift just a moment as he did so, causing the lenses to flash an opaque white for just a second before his mouth twitched into a smug grin.
"And what makes you believe that you are worthy of hearing my introduction." Keima raised his right hand in a skyward fist, before flicking his index finger out with a silent casting of another new spell. A purple and black bolt of Cursed Lightning surged up into the sky with a crack of roaring thunder, which was met with a cheer of 'oohs' and 'ahs' from the onlookers. His knees were starting to get wobbly at this point but he managed to stand firm. "For behold, you now stand before the God of Conquest! He who is said to be able to conquer the heart of any maiden, whose charms cannot be resisted by even the most fickle of women! A traveler from beyond the stars who has come to you from another world! Slayer of the metal samurai, savior of the city of Axel, destroyer of the lich's domain and, above all, the apprentice of Yunyun, your future chief! I… am Keima Katsuragi! Look upon my works, ye wicked, and despair! I have seen the ending and I have judged you lacking!"
He would come to look back on this with regret and cringe with embarrassment at his own grandiose posturing when he returned to his senses. In fact, he had accidentally just set into motion things that would alter the course of his life and the fate of Belzerg as a whole. But in the moment he had just rocketed himself to being one of the most popular outsiders to have ever visited that not-so-humble village as his introduction was met with uproarious applause from nearly the entire clan.
"He was my apprentice, first," Megumin whined, though her complaint was completely drowned out in the cacophony of noise.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
After their introductions, Yunyun's father took her and her friends back home, though the trip took far longer than it should have since at least half the town felt the need to introduce themselves to the newcomers after seeing Keima's display. It was actually a surprise for Yunyun to see him acting so… Crimson Demon-like considering his usual demeanor but she was glad to see him getting along so well with her village. Her dad in particular seemed to have taken a liking to him, which was nice.
They were currently sitting around the table in the undying room, which was what Crimson Demons called a living room, after Yunyun's dad had provided them all with refreshments. Death Vermilion tea and fresh Devil King's food cake. The cake, of course, had been purchased from Chakamiya's bakery down the street. For all of his many talents, Chief Hiropon couldn't bake to save his life. In fact, Yunyun had had to do most of the cooking around the house since her mother had passed away when she was little and she was sure that her father was mostly living off of takeout since she'd left for her journey.
Speaking of her journey, Yunyuna and her friends had just finished recounting the tales of their exploits, right up to their defeat of the Devil King the previous day.
"I see, I see." Yunyun's dad nodded thoughtfully, a dour look on his face that quickly melted into a wide grin. "We were wondering what that racket was about yesterday and why the Devil King's army didn't attack this morning like they usually do. I can't believe my sweet baby girl was in the party that defeated both the Destroyer and the Devil King! I mean, this is bad for tourism but still! Worth it!"
"O-oh, I didn't really do much," Yunyun said weakly, not used to receiving this much praise even from her doting father. "Megumin's the one who deserves the credit."
"Damn right, I do!" the other girl said smugly.
"And our party leader, Kazuma, was the one who came up with the plan," Yunyun continued.
"Speaking of which, where are your other party members," her father asked. "Did they not come here with you?"
"We haven't seen them since the celebrations last night," Elsie explained. "I'm getting kind of worried, actually."
"I'm sure they'll be fine." Keima shrugged. "Probably still in bed, hung over."
"I guess you're right."
"Well, that's too bad." The chief placed his hands on his knees and stood up with a grunt, before slowly walking around the room. "But regardless, we should throw a party to celebrate your success!"
Yunyun watched her father stop behind Keima's seat and suddenly plant his hands firmly on the boy's shoulders. Her mind rushed ahead as Keima recoiled from the touch, and she suddenly realized where this was about to go. She wanted to bury her head in a pillow to avoid the embarrassment that was about to happen.
"It will also be a good time to announce the big news!" Hiropon let out a chuckle as he held firm onto the boy trying to worm his way out of the man's tight grip.
"What good news?" Elsie asked innocently.
Yunyun just wanted to crawl into a hole and die as she buried her face in her hands. Why was this happening?
"Why, the engagement, of course!" Hiropon said proudly. "We should probably start planning the wedding, by the way."
"The what now!?" Keima tried to stand up and back away, a look of absolute horror on his face which made Yunyun's heart sink for reasons that she couldn't quite put into words, but Hiropon pushed him right back into his seat. "What in the nine levels of hell are you talking about?"
"That's not how hell works," Elsie muttered.
"Why, I'm talking about you and my daughter, of course!" The chief replied, making Yunyun sink back into her seat while Megumin burst out into laughter.
"Daddy…" Yunyun moaned.
"I have absolutely no intentions with your daughter!" Keima insisted, looking almost half as embarrassed as Yunyun felt at the moment. "Where would you even get that idea?"
"Why, my precious baby girl's been writing about how close you two are!" he said, causing all eyes to turn to the girl who was desperately trying to turn invisible through sheer willpower. "Talking about how you spend so much time alone together on 'private lessons'."
There was a harder edge to his voice on those last two words and his grip tightened even harder on Keima's shoulders. Yunyun could swear that she heard something crack as the boy winced.
"Magic lessons!" Keima corrected him. "She's been helping me improve my magic and I've been teaching her how to be more confident! Nothing else!"
"Yeah, it's not like that!" Yunyun chimed in, trying to save her friend (not boyfriend, though part of her didn't want to admit that for some reason) from her overly protective father. "Besides, he already has a girlfriend!"
"I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT!" Keima shouted angrily in response, to Yunyun's surprise and… relief?
"Great, then you're available," Hiropon smiled. "My darling baby girl is going to need a good man by her side when she takes over as chief from me and you've already shown a strong connection to our ways. I can already tell that you'll be perfect for the job! And Megumin here did say that you and your sister wanted to be part of the clan!"
"That's not what I meant but this is so much funnier," Megumin managed to wheeze out.
"Ooh, I can't wait for you two to have kids!" Elsie cheered, causing Yunyun and Keima to both blush. Yunyun wasn't even sure if she wanted kids. Wait, no, that was a lie. She wanted at least a dozen. "I'm gonna be the coolest aunt ever!"
"Great, then it's settled!" Hiropon removed his hands at last and ruffled a despondent Keima's hair. "As chief, I officially pronounce you as my daughter's betrothed! Welcome to the family, son!"
Keima slumped forward, dead-eyed. "Darkness blacker than black, darker than dar-Augh!"
Elsie, of all people, was the one to avoid a repeat of the Wiz's shop fiasco, by quickly punching her brother in the throat before he could finish his incantation.
"I'm leaving and never coming back," Keima muttered as he stormed out, rubbing his neck.
"Oh, he'll come around," Yunyun's father said with a smirk as he folded his arms. "What man in his right mind could turn down my precious girl?"
"Da~ad!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Elsie was certainly having a good time. While her brother's sudden engagement was unexpected, she was definitely looking forward to having Yunyun join the family. More importantly, though, was that she was having a lot of fun exploring the Crimson Demon Village. She was just coming back down from the Cat-Ears shrine, home to a mysterious ancient idol that was either the goddess Bastet, who Elsie met once on a field trip back in her school days in hell, or Azusa Nakano from K-On! in a swimsuit and cat ears.
On the way back into town, she found herself drawn to a house covered in colorful tapestries with prominent eye designs on them. Outside the front door, there was a sign advertising that the fortune teller's shop was open. Intrigued, she decided to step inside for a reading. She'd never had her fortune told before. Well, not since leaving hell, anyway.
Inside, she found the woman who had greeted them when they arrived in town, Soketto, seated at one end of a round table with a large crystal ball on it, in a dimly lit room full of random magical trinkets and doodads. She was already in the middle of a session, it seems, as she had her hands placed on the crystal ball while a man she recognized as Bukkororii, who she'd been with earlier.
"I call upon the dark gods of destiny!" Soketto shouted, her red eyes shining brightly in the darkness as a draft suddenly passed through the room even though Elsie had shut the door behind her and there didn't seem to be any windows. "Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos! Reveal unto me thy secrets and show the path that must, and will, be! …Yes, I see it now. The mists of time clear and show unto me… chicken! You will have the grilled chicken special at Succubus Lingerie for dinner tonight… but you will not be alone."
"Really?" The man leaned forward excitedly.
"Wait, no, sorry. That was just a smudge." The fortune teller used the edge of her cloak to wipe something off the ball.
"Oh." Bukkororii looked disappointed as he set a few Eris down on the table and trudged out.
The moment he shut the door, Soketto let out an exasperated groan. "Ugh, just ask me out already, you idiot!"
"Oh, no thanks," Elsie replied, though she knew that comment wasn't meant for her. "But I'm flattered that you're interested."
"What?" Soketto's eyes widened and she flushed with embarrassment. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice you come in."
"Nah, that's fine." Elsie walked over and took a seat in the now-empty chair. "So, Megumin said your fortunes are never wrong."
"Yes, that is right." The fortune teller came to life, crossing her arms in front of her face and wiggling her fingers around. "For I am bound by the dark winds of fate to foretell the realities of what the future will bring! Our fates are bound in stone and I, and I alone, have been granted the power of the cursed third eye so that I may look upon the tapestries of fate and see what is written there. Now, child of destiny, what grim portents do you seek?"
"I dunno." Elsie shrugged.
"A general reading it is, then." Soketto nodded and laid her arms down on the table to either side of the crystal ball with her palms facing up. "Grab my hands and together, we shall peer through the boundary and obtain forbidden knowledge!"
Elsie did as instructed. As soon as she grabbed the woman's hands and the circle was formed, both of their heads jerked back violently as an intense white light radiated out from their eyes and mouths. Then a flash of light burst from the crystal ball and suddenly they were both somewhere else entirely.
"Ooh, this is rare." Soketto whistled as Elsie looked around. They seemed to be in a massive, ornate castle made of dark stone and draped in red and purple tapestries. "Don't try to interact with anything. This is just a vision of what is to come. We're not really here."
A woman walked by, clad in spiky black armor over a purple suit, a pitch-black cape flowing over her shoulders that split in two as if to look like a pair of wings. Atop her head rested an ornate crown with a pair of demonic curved horns sticking out from the side. She'd put on a fair amount of bulk, thankfully all muscle, and her features were a bit harder, her expression more firm, but the woman was clearly an older Elsie.
"Hope you enjoy the show," the future Elsie whispered with a wink before walking up a set of stairs leading to a golden throne, before turning around and sitting down with one leg crossed over the other. She leaned her chin against her fist while her elbow sat on the armrest.
"I thought you said we weren't here," the present Elsie turned to the fortune teller. Or was she the past Elsie?
"We're not," came the reply. "She, er, you shouldn't be able to see us. Maybe you just remembered having this vision?"
Before they could speculate any further, the front doors were suddenly knocked clean off their hinges. Two four-meter tall doors were thrown across the room and slid along the floor as a tall, blonde, incredibly well-toned woman in an armored blue and white outfit strode into the room with a wide gait.
Four others followed close behind the stranger. One was a woman slightly older than the first, unmistakably a Crimson Demon. She was dressed in black and red robes, white bandages wrapped around her arms and one leg, a floppy wizard's hat on her head and a familiar staff with a red gemstone floating in its crook.
"Dang, Megs got a glow-up," Soketto whistled. "Looks like she ended up taking more after her dad than I expected."
The third new arrival was a young man in a yellow and green surcoat, with short brown hair and a large shield that was nearly as tall as he was, which was saying something as he was the tallest person in the room. Beside him was a blond man with animal ears and a fluffy tail, dressed in red armor and carrying a long spear. There was also a large white lizard perched on his shoulder for some reason, which Elsie eventually realized had wings. Was that a baby dragon? Wait, then what was Emperor Zell? Either way, the young man reminded Elsie of one of the adventures that her brother hung out with back in Axel. And by hung out with, she meant avoided as much as possible.
Finally, a blue-haired young woman in a short dress that showed off her legs brought up the rear, with a white staff in her hands and a sword strapped to her generous hips.
"So, we meet at last, Queen Iris!" Future Elsie cackled maniacally from her throne. "Again! For the last time!"
"Your reign of terror ends tonight, Devil Queen!" the blonde woman, apparently named Iris, declared and pointed her comically oversized golden-hilted sword at the demon. "We've come here to put an end to your tyranny!"
"It is not by my hand that I rose to power," Future Elsie scoffed melodramatically. "It is the nature of men's hearts, that they must stand opposed by the forces of darkness. I have merely filled that void."
"Ohh, that was cool," past Elsie squeed. "I need to remember that."
Future Megumin took a step forward, standing beside the queen. Elsie then noticed that her usual fake eye patch had been upgraded into white bandages that covered nearly a third of her face.
"Justify it however you want," the Arch Wizard who wasn't nearly as young or short as Elsie was used to thumped the end of her staff into the stone floor. "You're still a traitor!"
"Ah, hello, Pot!" Future Elsie said cheerily. "My name is Kettle. Did you come here just to call me black?"
That caused Future Megumin to turn away in apparent shame before the younger woman stepped forward.
"Can it, demon!" She said, a fire in her green eyes. "We're takin' you out!"
"We'll see about that." Future Elsie rose from her seat and held her hand out. A spire of flames burst out from her palm, which solidified into a large scythe that seemed to be made of obsidian and bone. "Face the wrath of my Eternal Entropy!"
"I want that," Past Elsie muttered as her future self struck the end of her weapon against the floor, the sound echoing throughout the chamber.
"Come to me, my Generals!"
And just like that, it was over. Elsie, not the future one, and Soketto were back in the fortune teller's house, sitting around the table with their hands clasped on either side of the crystal ball. Both women were breathing heavily. After a moment, they looked up at each other.
"Do you have any idea what this means?" Soketto asked, causing Elsie to freeze up. While she was pretty sure that she would never turn evil, that vision was pretty damning. But then the Crimson Demon burst out into a huge grin. "I just predicted the coming of the next Devil Queen! I can't wait to rub this in everyone's faces at the next Fortune Tellers conversation over in Elroad! Casandra can suck it!"
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
Keima found himself wandering by what looked like some kind of old fort on the outskirts of town. From the looks of it, the place had been abandoned and left derelict for years. He took that as a sign that he wouldn't be bothered there, so he decided to head through the open gate.
What was happening?
Was he engaged? To Yunyun? Why? How did that happen? This was quite literally the opposite of what he wanted. She was still just a kid, while he was practically an adult. He wasn't interested in relationships. He certainly wasn't interested in the responsibilities that would come with being married to the head of an entire clan. Especially the Crimson Demons.
Well, at least this would give him a definite excuse to get any other would-be suitors off of his back. He was already taken. And while he didn't know much about how medieval betrothals worked, he was pretty sure that they usually lasted a long time before anything actually happened. That would theoretically give him enough time to figure out a way out of this. Or at least long enough for her to grow a bit older before they would have to…
Oh, goddesses, now he was thinking about that. Keima had to fight the urge to slam his head against one of the thick logs that made up the outer wall. He settled for just punching it, instead. That was a mistake, he realized as he nursed his aching hand.
"Damnit, why is this happening?" He screamed at the sky.
"You took the words right out of my mouth."
He had not been expecting the sky to reply back. Keima looked up to see a pair of long legs hanging off the edge of the upper platform where patrolmen would have kept watch. Then he noticed the rest of the woman sitting up there. Wearing a flowing red and white dress that looked like it would be more at home in a cocktail club than an abandoned military outpost, the woman boasted a shapely hourglass figure even by Belzerg standards and dark, bronzed skin that stood out compared to the pasty not-Europeans that made up most of the country, and long, dark hair with red streaks that framed her face. She took a puff from the long pipe she held and blew out a perfectly-shaped ring of smoke as he watched.
Keima wasn't normally one to be caught up in physical beauty, at least not to the same extent as someone like Kazuma or Dust would, but he would rate this woman a solid 11/10.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't think there was anyone here," Keima called up to her. "I can go."
"Oh, there's no need for that." The woman dumped out the ash from her pipe before stuffing it down her cleavage. Then, to Keima's surprise, she jumped down in front of him, falling at least three meters and yet landing on her feet like it was nothing. "I could use the company."
"Oh." Keima wasn't sure how to react as the woman, who he was guessing was some kind of amazon or giantess or something considering how she towered over him to the point where the top of his head only went up to just below her titanic tits, took a step forward to invade his personal space.
"Hm, aren't you a cutie," she said in a sultry tone that made Keima both aroused and uncomfortable. He wasn't sure which was worse. It certainly didn't help that from that angle, he couldn't look her in the eyes without staring at the massive twin lumps of fat hanging off her chest, which were each larger than Keima's head and only half covered by the ridiculously low neckline of her dress. "Maybe I should have myself a snack."
He wasn't sure if she wanted to eat him or…eat him. He hoped it was the former but he had no idea which kind of 'man-eater' she was.
"I'm already taken," Keima blurted out.
"Oh, such a shame." The woman caressed Keima's chin with her fingers and for some reason, he found himself unable to pull away from her touch. It was all he could do not to lean into it. "Are you sure you're not interested?"
"Very."
The woman looked disappointed as she pulled her hand back. "Then I guess there's no helping it. Oh, but I don't think that we've been introduced, yet. My name is Sylvia."
Keima knew that it would be rude not to respond but there was no way in hell that he was giving his name out to this strange woman. For all he knew, she could steal his soul or something if he did that. He wouldn't put anything past this crazy, messed-up world.
"Kazuma," Keima responded with the first name that popped into his head. "Kazuma Sato."
"Kazuma." Sylvia let the name dance across her lips. "That sounds… Japanese."
Keima's eyes widened at the mention of his native language, betraying him. He could tell at once that Sylvia saw right through his reaction.
"Oh, don't worry." Sylvia shook her head. "I'm not going to go blabbing around to anyone about reincarnations or other worlds, or anything like that. But, I wonder if you could help me out with something. You see, I'm… Well, you probably wouldn't believe me if I said I was an archeologist. But regardless, I'm investigating a certain ancient ruin in the area here but I have a bit of a problem. You see, the ancient writings explaining how to get inside are written in your language, which I simply don't know how to read. Perhaps you could serve as my translator? I'll make it worth your while."
That was going to be a hard no. He didn't trust this lady as far as he could throw her and with his Strength stat, he doubted he could throw her at all.
"No thanks, I doubt you could offer anything I'm interested in."
"I wouldn't be so quick to say that, if I were you," she said. "You came here because something was troubling you, did you not? Perhaps I could help you with your problems."
"No thanks, I think I can manage on my own." Keima turned around and started to walk away but Sylvia stepped out in front of him to block his path.
"I was hoping that I wouldn't have to resort to this," she said. "But you're not leaving me much choice. Do you know what a Growth Chimera is?"
"Aren't chimeras those lion things with snakes for tails and goat heads sticking out of their backs?" Keima asked, picturing the monsters of Greek myth that sometimes popped up in fantasy games.
Sylvia regarded him coolly and for a moment Keima thought that he might have angered her with that comment. But then she burst into laughter, instead.
"My, it has been a long time since I've taken that form," she mused. "You know, I do kind of miss the tail, now that you bring it up. Here, hold on a second."
The monster before him furrowed her brow as her dress seemed to wiggle and dance around her hips. Then a large serpentine head coiled up from behind her legs, staring up at Keima with its cold, yellow eyes.
"I've spent a very long time shaping and modifying this body to suit my desires, turning myself into the stunning work of art before you," Sylvia said. "But I'm more than just a pretty face. I'm strong enough that the Devil King himself recruited me to be one of his generals."
Keima tensed, running through a million different scenarios in his head in preparation for a fight. While he hadn't fought one of the Devil King's generals before, he'd heard enough to know that his odds weren't good, to put it lightly. Especially when he was still so drained from his earlier displays that he didn't think he'd be able to manage more than a few low-level spells before collapsing. Sylvia seemed to notice his distress, giving him a knowing smirk.
"Why are you telling me this?" Keima asked as a distraction while he looked for an opening to run past her.
"Because," Sylvia leaned in far too close, her snake tail wrapping itself around his shoulders, "I'm lonely and you seem like just my type. Have you ever met a succubus before?"
Keima hesitated before answering. "...No."
The chimera woman pulled back, clutching her sides in roarous laughter. Clearly, she wasn't convinced.
"Oh, you dirty boy. Obviously, you would have only dealt with those tamed city pups, since you're still standing here. I doubt you've seen what really makes them dangerous." A pair of large, pink bat-like wings sprouted out from behind Sylvia's shoulders. "You wouldn't believe what I had to go through to get these. But they were certainly worth it. Just one word and I'll have you twisted around my little finger. Or maybe I'll let you see what I took from a unicorn a few years ago. Spoiler, it wasn't the horn. Charm-"
"Create Earth!"
In a panic, Keima graduated from stealing Kazuma's name to ripping off his battle techniques. As Sylvia recoiled and tried to wipe the dirt out of her eyes that he had just thrown into her face, Keima made a break for it and ran around her. However, he'd failed to take into account the second head growing out from her butt and the snake lunged for his shoulder. He barely managed to duck out of the way, falling over and having to scramble back to his feet before running off.
By the time Keima finally slowed down, his legs felt like they were on fire and his lungs wanted to burst out of his chest. Looking up, he realized that he had no idea where he was. He hadn't been paying much attention to where he was going when he'd wandered out of town and had been paying even less attention in his haste to get back. He wasn't sure how to get back or if he'd even have the strength to do so. Teleport might have been an option if he'd bothered to learn that spell, but his decision not to select it when selecting new skills that morning had already come around to bite him. He'd need to correct that when he got the chance but for now he needed to find somewhere safe to wait and hide.
He eventually managed to find his way to the ruins of an old stone temple, which looked vaguely Greco-Roman in design. On the verge of collapse and without any other options, Keima crawled up the steps leading inside and slumped against one of the inner walls before finally passing out from exhaustion, collapsing in the Temple of the Unknown God.
Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!
In the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: Calamity Upon This Hot Springs Town!
"I just took a trip… up there…" The disguised goddess looked around conspiratorially, as if worried about someone overhearing them. That was ridiculous, though. The only other people in the room were the waiter, who wasn't listening, the oddly familiar rose-haired elf who kept giving them the stink eye from over at the corner table and the big, burly guy she was with who was muttering something to himself. "And I was able to get a word with the higher-ups. It took a bit of doing but I was able to get them to agree to give you your divinity back, with some conditions."
Wolbach turned her gaze to the stranger, who stopped just a few steps away from them. Something about the woman seemed familiar but she couldn't make anything out behind the blank expression of her white porcelain mask.
Kingsford Zeltman nuzzled up in the small bed his mama had made for him back in the inn. His chest gently rose and fell as he slept peacefully on the old pillow. Then his head shot straight up, his piercing yellow eyes snapping opening. Something was wrong. His mama was in danger.
Author's Notes: And so (half of) our party arrive in the Crimson Demon Village. Hopefully, I made the Crimson Demons dramatic enough but I just can't shake the feeling that I could have pushed them even more.