Chapter 18: Calamity Upon This Hot Springs Town!

Aqua walked into the Our Lady's Inn with a lot still on her mind. But mostly she was just hungry. She flashed a small emblem engraved with the Axis Order's symbol to a clerk standing at the front desk. He nodded and said something that she didn't listen to as she wandered over to the dining room. Emperor Zell followed close behind, tail swishing through the air happily.

The smell of food guided her to a table where Kazuma, Darkness and Cecily were enjoying a meal. She took a seat beside Kazuma and grabbed a hot spring egg off his plate that she quickly popped into her mouth.

"Hey, get your own food!" he shouted angrily at her.

"Consider it a tribute to your goddess," Aqua insisted around a mouthful of delicious egg. "Besides, you owe me."

Kazuma scowled at her but didn't raise a fuss. Instead, signaling for the waiter to come over and take her order.

"So, was old Zest-y boy able to help?" Cecily asked, reaching down to pet the baby dragon now nestled under the table.

Aqua considered that, replaying her conversation with the High Priest in her head while trying to sneak a bit more of Kazuma's food. Now that he was watching her, she couldn't grab anything from his plate without him swatting her hand away, though. "Yeah, I think he did."

"Does that mean that you've figured out how to regain your goddesshood?" Darkness asked.

"No, I haven't," Aqua admitted sadly, slumping in her seat. Then she immediately perked up again as the waiter set two steaming hot plates of grilled fish caught fresh from the local lake in front of her. She leaned over and set one down on the floor for Emperor Zell before digging into her own meal. After a few mouthwatering bites, she turned back to the conversation. "But I think I've made a decision. I'm going to-"

"Oh, there you are!"

Aqua still had trouble wrapping her head around the fact that the silver-haired young Thief who had just walked in was the silver-haired junior goddess who she had until recently regarded as her best friend. She was also having trouble with the idea that Kazuma of all people had managed to steal that spot away from Eris.

"Hey, Chris," Kazuma greeted the new arrival as she took a seat next to Darkness. "Finally decided to join us?"

"'Sup, Trash." Cecily smirked.

"I just took a trip… up there…" The disguised goddess looked around conspiratorially, as if worried about someone overhearing them. That was ridiculous, though. The only other people in the room were the waiter, who wasn't listening, the oddly familiar rose-haired elf who kept giving them the stink eye from over at the corner table and the big, burly guy she was with who was muttering something to himself. "And I was able to get a word in with the higher-ups. It took a bit of doing but I was able to get them to agree to give you your divinity back, with some conditions."

"Well, that's a relief," Darkness said.

"What higher-ups?" Cecily asked.

"Maybe they'll finally take her out of my hair," Kazuma mused.

"But…" Aqua wasn't sure what she wanted to say.

"First, you can't do anything like this ever again, obviously," Eris continued. "You should probably cut back on the alcohol, too, just to be safe. You're also getting demoted down to junior goddess but it shouldn't take you more than a few centuries to get promoted again. A couple millenia, at most. Oh, and they want to reassign you to soul accounting."

"What?" Aqua suddenly shot up from her seat. "Accounting? They can't do that!"

"What's wrong with accounting?" Eris asked. "Figuring out how good or bad people were sounds like an easy gig, right up your alley."

"But it's so bo~ring!" Aqua whined. "You just spend all your time stuck in a cubicle dealing with numbers, doing math. I hate math!"

"Well, I'm sorry but this is the best deal that you're going to get!" Eris snapped at her, rising to her feet and slamming her hands on the table. "They even said that they'll let you come straight back. So, let's get going already!"

"NO!" Aqua folded her arms and turned away from her, sticking her nose up in defiance. "I'm staying right here!"

That earned the ex-goddess surprised glances from everyone sitting around the table.

"What?" Eris asked, sounding genuinely baffled. "What are you talking about? You have to come with me, now! It's the only way for you to go back to being a you-know-what!"

"Well, maybe I don't want to go back. Did you think of that?" Aqua countered.

"What?" Kazuma snapped. "After we've been running around all morning for you?"

"How could you…" Eris looked like her brain had just stopped working. "Why wouldn't you want to go back?"

"What would I have to go back to?" Aqua asked. "A bunch of stuck-up jerks who kicked me out as soon as they got the chance? An eternity of waiting around for something interesting to happen? Having to lose everyone I care about, over and over and over again? No, I'm staying right here in Belzerg with my friends."

"But you can't just do that!" Eris pointed out. "What about all of your responsibilities? What about your followers?"

That question gave Aqua pause and she had to take a moment to consider it before turning back to the increasingly irate fake thief.

"I…" she hesitated, glancing at Cecily who gave her an assuring look. "As much as it pains me to say it, most of my followers never cared about me or my faith. They only cared about the freedom that the Axis Church gave them. I'm sure that most of my actual loyal followers will stand by my decision, while the rest will find their own way. I'm trying to follow my own teachings, after all. Besides, if I ever change my mind, I can just defeat another Devil King and use my wish to return to heaven."

"Hey, yeah!" Kazuma suddenly perked up. "I defeated the Devil King, where's my wish? I was promised anything that I wanted!"

"Not now, Kazutrash, the adults are talking," Eris snapped at him before turning her focus back to Aqua. "Please, don't do this. Come back to us."

Aqua let out a defeated sigh and leaned back into her seat. "Look, I'm just going through a lot right now and I need time to figure things out. Maybe I'll come back, maybe I won't. I just don't know. Please, just drop it."

"But-" Eris rose from her seat, then stepped back as Emperor Zell suddenly hissed at her, flapping his wings out in a display of intimidation. The goddess seemed to do a double take before looking back over at Aqua pleadingly. "Please!"

Aqua shook her head and gave her friend a sad smile. "I'm sorry. But think of it this way, this is actually a good thing for you. You've got a promotion and when the Axis Order gets officially dissolved after this, you're probably going to get most of my old followers."

"She's not getting me," Cecily huffed.

"I don't want you," Eris replied, then looked back at Aqua. She bit her lip, an oddly guilty look flashing through her eyes before she finally turned away. "Fine. But if you're going to do this then that means you're really doing it. No more cheats, no more breaking the rules and no more extra revives. Until you finally come back to your senses, you and all of your friends are going to have to be like everyone else."

With that, she stormed out of the inn, slamming the door closed behind her. Aqua couldn't remember ever seeing Eris that angry before. Or at least, not since her ascension. It seemed strange but amid everything that had happened that day, perhaps not out of place.

Not sure what else to do, Aqua simply returned to her meal as her companions all stared at her. She could almost feel their silent judgments and preemptively flinched as Darkness opened her mouth, expecting to get chewed out over her childish antics like usual.

"That couldn't have been an easy decision," the Crusader said, to Aqua's surprise and relief. "But know that I will continue to stand by you, no matter what you choose."

"I don't care what anyone says, you're still my goddess," Cecily asked. "Even if I do have to find some other Order to join so that I can keep using my Priest skills, in my heart I'll still be praying to you."

Kazuma glared at her for a moment before closing his eyes and letting out an annoyed sigh. "Well, looks like I'm still going to have to keep putting up with you for a while. Who knows, maybe you'll even find a way to be less useless now."

Aqua had spent a lot of time crying lately. It seemed that wouldn't change anytime soon. But at least this time they were tears of happiness running down her cheeks as she felt the love of her friends in a way not quite like anything she'd ever experienced before.

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

Wolbach hurried along the streets of Arcanletia, her mind in a flurry of thoughts and emotions. Aqua had lost her divinity and chosen to remain mortal? She had more or less worked out the first part of that based on everything that had been going on in this ridiculous city but the later part came as a surprise. She wondered if she could take advantage of the situation to try and bolster her own followership for a bit of power. Probably, but she still wanted to focus on reuniting with her other half before focusing on that. In fact, thanks to the other bit of important information that she'd just overheard, she would likely have a lot more time to focus on the search for her aspect of violence.

The Devil King had been defeated? Wolbach had felt her power weaken but with the state she had been in lately, it hadn't really registered what that had meant. Not that she had any true loyalty to the Devil King, though. No, she had only served him because so many of her followers were in his service. By claiming a spot as one of his Generals, she'd helped ensure the loyalty and admiration of those who gave her their strength. But now that she knew what to sense, she realized that many of her followers were gone as well. And with the Devil King's defeat, it seemed likely that the faith of many of her surviving followers would dwindle in the coming days as well. She wasn't sure how well she'd be able to handle this when she was already so weakened.

Wolbach had always hated proselyting. It felt so insincere and fake. But at this rate, it seemed that she would have to find some way of sustaining herself. She didn't want to end up like Regina, effectively kept on life support by the fervent belief of only one follower and liable to fade away from existence at a moment's notice. With the Axis Order apparently on the verge of dissolution, that would have left an ideal choosing ground from which to recruit new followers.

Except that stupid sex cult had slandered her name by labeling her a 'Dark God', which would make trying to recruit directly from their numbers a near impossibility.

"Ugh, why is this happening?" Wolbach groaned loudly as she walked along the street, Hans following closely behind.

"Those stupid Axis idiots just won't shut up with their preaching and their soap and trying to recruit me and their soap and their 'all love is good' and their soap…" Hans continued to mutter incoherently.

Just what had those bastards done to him? Wolbach wasn't exactly fond of the poison slime, or any of her fellow generals except perhaps Wiz, but seeing anyone in that kind of state was troubling. A kind and considerate soul would have tried to help him, perhaps use their magic to try and heal him, or even just do what they could to aid him in overcoming whatever severe trauma had left him in this horrid state.

"I think it's time I took my leave." Wolbach was not that kind or considerate. "I trust you'll be fine without me."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." It seemed like Hans' focus seemed to clear before he turned around to stare at a masked woman walking quickly towards them. "Huh, what are you doing here?"

Wolbach turned her gaze to the stranger, who stopped just a few steps away from them. Something about the woman seemed familiar but she couldn't make anything out behind the blank expression of her white porcelain mask.

"Ah, good, I see that you're both still here," the woman said, her voice mangled and rough. "That will save time."

"Who are you?" Wolbach asked, preparing for a fight. "What business do you have with us?"

"It's Serisdina," Hans replied before she could introduce herself. "But something's off about her."

The masked woman, who Wolbach had trouble believing could be that crazy Dark Priest who had somehow managed to snag a position as another General, let out a garbled laugh. "Yes, it is I, my Lady's ever-faithful servant."

Okay, there she was.

"It seems that I was not devoted enough in my faith to the goddess and she saw fit to punish me for my sins as is the way of vengeance," Seresdina continued. "But that is not why I came here. I am here on behalf of the king, who has sent me to give you your new orders."

"New orders?" Hans asked. "What happened?"

"So, the rumors of his majesty's death were greatly exaggerated," Wolbach concluded. It seemed that the fallen water goddess' party hadn't been as successful as they claimed.

"Huh? What death?" Hans turned to her, having not been listening in on the conversation earlier. "What's going on?"

"Indeed." Seresdina nodded, confirming Wolbach's suspicions. "Yesterday, the Destroyer was mysteriously teleported within the barrier of our king's castle moments before it exploded. Everyone and everything in the area was destroyed save for his majesty and myself, including the princess. While we do not yet know who is responsible, the king has sworn to follow the path of revenge."

That did not bode well, to say the least.

"So, what are our new orders?" Wolbach asked, wanting to end this dark conversation quickly and return to her own matters.

"General Hans is to move forward with his plans to poison the hot springs of Arcanletia," the Dark Priest continued. "But there is no need for subtlety or caution. The deed should be done by morning. You, General Wolbach, are to head to the capital and attempt to infiltrate their ranks. Thanks to my current state, you are now the most human-passing member of the army, meaning that you must take my former role as our spy. If you can, recruit more humans into our ranks to sow discontent among the people and sabotage their efforts to defend against what is coming."

"That's fine with me," Hans straightened up, resuming his old confident demeanor. "I've been waiting to tear this place a new one."

"Very well." Wolbach closed her eyes, doing her best not to scream. Despite what she would claim, she had no desire to go along with the Devil King's plans before and now things were growing ever worse. But she had no choice but to go along with it. Perhaps choosing to be a goddess among demons and monsters had been a mistake but it was far too late to back out now. "I will leave at once."

"Very well." Seresdina nodded, causing her mask to shift slightly and for a brief moment, Wolbach caught a whiff of a familiar yet unexpected scent. She now understood why the Dark Priest would no longer be able to fulfill her previous responsibilities. "You will be contacted again within the next few days. Until then, may you walk the path of revenge."

Well, some vacation this turned out to be.

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

"Read 'em and weep." Kazuma slapped his cards down on the table, much to the dismay of the three women sitting at the table with him.

"Ugh, why does this keep happening?" Aqua moaned as she stood up to pull her skirt off.

"You've got to be cheating!" Cecily accused. "There's no way that you could possibly get a royal flush every single hand!"

"What can I say, my luck stat's nearly maxed out and I've never even lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors," Kazuma said smugly, leaning back in his seat. "I warned you not to go up against me in a game of luck."

"No, you didn't!" Aqua shouted. "You're the one who suggested this stupid game!"

In the fourth seat, Darkness just blushed wildly while sitting in her underwear.

"Eh, this game's getting kind of boring." Kazuma eventually said with a sigh before sliding the deck of cards in front of him off to the side. "It kind of loses the novelty when I've already seen all of you naked before, which is not something that I'd ever thought I'd say."

"It's just stupid!" Aqua complained. "Who even invented this stupid game?"

"It would be more fun if we had more cute girls here to play with," Cecily said as she started putting her clothes back on.

"I am not stripping in front of strangers!" Aqua snapped at her, starting to cry again. "It's already embarrassing enough."

"I wouldn't mind-" Darkness started to say before Kazuma slapped his hand against her mouth to shut her up.

"Yeah, yeah, we get the picture," Kazuma said before pulling away. "Are you ever not horny?"

"Are you?"

"Touche."

"I'm still not sure how neither of you were part of the Axis Order," Cecily smirked. "You would have been perfect members."

"That's not the compliment that you think it is," Kazuma groaned, though stopped and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"What is it?" Aqua asked him, noticing the odd look on his face.

"Oh, nothing." Kazuma shook his head. "So, what's next?"

After the morning's drama, the four of them had decided to stay in town for the night and make the trip back to Axel in the morning. While they could just find someone to teleport them back and the others were probably worried about them, Aqua felt that she still needed more time to think and everyone agreed that they didn't want to waste this trip by immediately heading home. They'd already contracted a caravan that would be leaving in the morning and had until then to enjoy themselves.

"I didn't get a chance to try the hot spring earlier," Aqua pointed out. "I want to go."

"I wouldn't mind going again," Darkness nodded.

"Whatever you say," Cecily agreed.

Kazuma glanced back and forth between them before finally replying. "Sure, why not?"

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

There was something very, very wrong with the hot spring. Aqua didn't even need her lost goddess powers to tell that as she knelt over the edge of the large bath, the others gathered around her.

Partly, it was the rancid smell emanating from the water, like someone stuffed a flatulent skunk inside of a rotting cow carcass covered in sulfur. But mostly, it was the sickly purple gunk that permeated the normally clear water.

"It's poison!" Aqua blurted out as she poked a stick into the water, which started to dissolve in contact with the watery sludge. "But… but how? Why? What is this?"

"I've never seen anything like this," Darkness muttered. She started to lower her bare hand towards the water before Kazuma slapped it away.

"It reminds me of jelly slime," Cecily noted. "I doubt it's as tasty, though."

"Poison slime jelly?" Aqua gasped, clutching at her mouth as she backed away from the corrupted bath in horror. "But does that mean that a poison slime infected the city's water supply? No! How could this happen, I thought the Axis Order wiped them out ages ago!"

"They say that a Deadly Poison Slime survived the great purge," Cecily pointed out. "One of the generals of the Devil King's army, Hans."

"Wait, so we're just going up against some kind of slime monster?" Kazuma asked, sounding thoroughly unimpressed. "That doesn't sound like a big deal."

"This isn't one of your stupid games, Kazuma!" Aqua suddenly threw herself at him, locking eye contact to make sure that she got her point across to the far too frivolous Earth boy. "This is a real, honest-to-goodness world we're in! Do you really think that amorphous creatures that can change their shape at will, allow physical attacks to pass right through them and resist almost all known forms of magic would be some low-tier scrubs?"

"Well, when you put it that way…" Kazuma scratched his cheek nervously as he tried to pull out of her tight grip.

"Even the weakest of slimes are dangerous mid-level monsters," Darkness explained, blushing slightly. "But General Hans is said to be the largest and most deadly Poison Slime ever. They say he might even have been the strongest of the Devil King's generals. If this really is his handiwork, then not only is the entire city in danger but possibly all of Belzerg! Who knows what he could be planning now that the Devil King no longer has him on a proverbial leash?"

"We have stop to him!" Aqua pleaded with the others. "I may not be a goddess anymore but this is still my city, full of my people! I can't just stand around and let him destroy everything!"

"We should check the source spring," Cecily suggested. "That's probably where he'll be."

"I really don't feel like this is our business. Someone else is probably already taking care of it." Kazuma shook his head, then sighed in defeat. "But yeah, sure, let's just run headfirst into danger. Not like it would be the first time and I'm sure that it won't be the last. But we should probably go get ready first, though. I don't know about you but I don't feel like rushing out there to fight a boss monster in just a towel."

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

It didn't take them long to reach the source spring of Arcaletia's famed hot springs. Well, that's not entirely true. It actually took them a while to get there since they had to run up a long, steep mountain trail. By the time they got there, it was already nearly midnight and Darkness was the only member of their party who wasn't completely out of breath.

Aqua would have requested that they stop to rest as they reached the gates that blocked off the entrance to the springs. However, as she gripped her knees and struggled to catch her breath, she realized two very important things. One, the iron gates had been practically torn off their hinges, the thick iron bars twisted and melted out of shape. Two, the guards who would normally be stationed there to keep people out were nowhere to be seen.

"We have to hurry!" Aqua said despite her own feelings of exhaustion.

"Do we, though?" Kazuma wheezed out through rasping breaths. "I know this is urgent and all, but… we should really take a moment… to catch our breaths…"

"I think Kazuma may be right on this one," Darkness said. "Our current party lineup is already at a great disadvantage if we really are going up against a poison slime. If we go into this fight worn out, then that would only put us at further risk. I advise caution."

"No!" Aqua ran off towards the source spring despite the other's protests, forcing them to have to go in after her. "Every moment we waste is a moment someone could die! We have to stop him, now!"

"No, don't!" Kazuma called after her but Aqua didn't listen. Her people were in danger! "You're going to get yourself killed!"

Despite the dangers and feeling like her legs were on fire, Aqua rounded the corner up ahead, so that the springs were in sight. She practically slid to a halt, falling to her knees in fear as the others caught up to her and saw what lay ahead.

"Is that really a slime?" Kazuma asked, breathless.

"It… it truly is magnificent!" Darkness gasped. "I should have taken the Poison Immunity skill so that I could take it home and make it my pet!"

"You're even crazier than I am!" Cecily yelled at her. "And why am I hungry all of a sudden?"

The hot spring itself wasn't even visible. All that Aqua could see was the mountain of toxic sludge rising up from where the water should be, all gooey and purple and with what looked almost like red lightning arcing through it centered around two prominent red 'eyes'. Those eyes turned to the group as the Deadly Poison Slime noticed their approach and soon a massive mouth-like construct full of human-sized teeth opened up. That wasn't the worst part, though. The worst part was the dissolving bones floating around the monster's pulsating form. Human bones. From the looks of it, the slime must have eaten at least a dozen different people. And those were just the remains of the victims recent enough that there was still something left of them. Aqua wasn't sure that she even wanted to know how many people that abomination had already killed.

"Ugh, you people again?" the slime roared. "What are you doing here?"

"We're here to stop your evil schemes!" Darkness charged forward and assumed a defensive position in front of the others, ready to use her own body to shield them from harm. Aqua had never really realized just how brave (and crazy) the woman really was.

"Evil? Have you met the people of this city?" the slime asked. "I'm doing this world a favor! If anything, you should be thanking me for this!"

"Hey, wait a minute," Kazuma said hesitantly, looking up at the monster. "I know that voice! You're that guy who was mumbling to himself in the bath earlier!"

"And you two are the ones who tried to get it on in a public bath!" the slime said accusatorily, causing both Kazuma and Darkness to flinch. "You people are just as bad as those cultists!"

"What's he talking about?" Aqua asked, turning to her not-boyfriend.

"Not the time," Kazuma mumbled halfheartedly in response.

"Those two were still feeling a bit frisky after this morning," Cecily explained. "But don't worry, nothing happened between them. Bit of a shame, really, I would have liked to watch."

"You people have about five seconds before I eat you all!" Hanz roared. "That's not to give you the chance to escape or fight back or whatever. I just want to make sure that you've got enough time to suffer before I kill you!"

Aqua tightened her grip on her flower-tipped staff, bracing herself for a fight. She had been depowered, most of her stats had dropped significantly, she couldn't use most of her skills and there was hardly anything left she could do. But as long as the people under her care were in danger, she would do whatever it took to defend them. It was her duty as a former goddess.

Unfortunately, neither she nor any of her friends were in any position to threaten the slime monster. In the end, none of them could do anything to so much as hurt him on their own.

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

Kingsford Zeltman nuzzled up in the small bed his mama had made for him back in the inn. His chest gently rose and fell as he slept peacefully on the old pillow. Then his head shot straight up, his piercing yellow eyes snapping opening. Something was wrong. His mama was in danger.

The young Emperor rushed to the door, desperately scratching at the solid wood barrier preventing him from leaving the room. No matter how much he clawed at the obstruction with his razor-sharp talons, however, it refused to remove itself from his path. Looking around, he spotted the shiny metal nob sticking out of it overhead and remembered seeing his mama and her friends using those things to open doors before. Remembering how it was done, Zel climbed up the door to grab the knob with his beak, wrapping a wing around one side and twisting so that it would open. It took a couple of tries but eventually he was able to get the door to open just a crack. It wasn't much but it was enough that when he dropped back to the floor, he was able to wedge it open enough to slip through.

Zel rushed through the halls out into the foyer, where another door blocked his way outside. He let out an annoyed hiss, not wanting to have to go through that ordeal again. However, his gaze quickly drew to an open window at the other end of the room that looked like it led outside. He quickly hopped up onto a chair, then to a table, before jumping out the open window.

The cool breeze of the late-night air gently rustled his feathers as Emperor Zel rushed along the stone streets, searching for his mama. He could feel her presence, as well as that of a powerful monster, up on one of the nearby mountains, and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Not many people were out this time of night, especially with everything that had been going on. The few people who were out, though, all shouted and jumped out of the way as he barreled along. He didn't pay much attention to them, though.

He had to save his mama!

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

Aqua was completely out of her depth. She was scared, defenseless and utterly powerless. She'd always hated when Kazuma called her a Useless Goddess but now that's what she felt like. She hated herself for not being able to be any help. It didn't help that Cecily was just as useless as she was at the moment and it was all her fault. How could she have been so foolish to have let herself lose her divinity so easily and how had she been so selfish to decide to leave it that way? If she had simply taken Eris' offer earlier, then all the Axis Order would have their divine magic back and be able to defend themselves against threats like the giant poison slime trying to eat them.

Said poison slime raised a gooey tendril back before launching it straight for her. Aqua cried and tried duck to the side but wouldn't have been fast enough.

"Cover!"

Darkness suddenly appeared in front of her, intercepting the attack before it could hit her. The Crusader was tossed aside by the force of the blow, flying through the air like a ragdoll shot out of a trebuchet. Aqua scrambled to her side as the Crusader pulled herself onto her knees.

"Darkness, are you okay?" Aqua asked though it was obvious that the answer was no. She was bruised, badly beaten and chunks of her skin had dissolved away, to say nothing of the sorry state of her armor or that her clothes were almost completely gone at this point. She wished desperately that she could heal the knight but she was just useless.

"I'm fine," Darkness groaned as she rose to her feet. "I'm having the time of my life! Cover!"

And just like that, Darkness was gone, intercepting another of Hans' attacks that was aimed at Cecily. It was one of the new skills that she'd been able to learn thanks to their recent level-ups, which acted as a sort of specialized short-range teleport that allowed her to intercept attacks against her allies.

Darkness had become stronger. Kazuma had become stronger. Their other friends had all gotten stronger. But instead of growing stronger with them, Aqua had just made herself a burden. Why did she have to be so useless, so worthless? She should be up there healing the others, using her support magic to make them stronger. Instead, Kazuma was on the attack with his beginner-level spells that couldn't do anything against a poison slime while Cecily served as a distraction and Darkness made sure that they all stayed out of harm's way. And what was Aqua doing? Sitting to the side throwing herself a pity party!

She was so useless!

Aqua's intrusive thoughts pushed to the side, however, as she heard the sound of soft but fast footsteps running up to them. She thought for a moment that perhaps Eris had come to help, in her disguise as the Thief Chris. She turned and her heart sunk as she saw what it really was.

"Bawcaw!"

Emperor Zell slid to a halt in front of her, facing down the horrid abomination that dared threaten his mother. Great, now even her own adopted son had to try and come to her rescue and deep down, she'd known all along that she'd only been kidding herself by insisting that he was a dragon.

"No, Zel! Get out of here!" Aqua shouted desperately, trying to shoo the baby bird away.

"What's that damned chicken doing out here!" Kazuma yelled back at them from the front line, distracted by the sudden arrival long enough that Hans almost managed to hit him with one of his acidic tendrils before Darkness got in the way of the attack. She was knocked onto her rear, her face starting to sizzle and pop from too much exposure to the poisonous slime.

"Ah, finally!" Hans roared as Darkness failed to get back up again. "Now I can finally get the rest of you!"

The giant poison slime rose from the hot spring, towering over everything as he prepared to devour them. Aqua shuddered, knowing what was going to come next. Or at least she thought she did.

Emperor Zell charged forward, headless of the danger. Hans hesitated as he watched the small creature stare him down defiantly despite the astronomical difference in size and power.

"Is that a chicken?" Hans asked, staring down quizzically at Emperor Zell. "What's a chicken doing here?"

"Buh-kaw!" "Hisss!"

Emperor Zell spread his wings and stood to his full height, which was even taller than Aqua remembered him being that morning, as his tail whipped around to bare its fangs at Hans.

Wait, bare its fangs?

Was that a snake coming out where his tail should be!?

"A cockatrice?" Hans backed away from the creature that was neither dragon nor chicken. "What's a cockatrice doing here!?"

"What the hell?" Kazuma backed away cautiously, walking up beside Aqua.

"Um, I guess he wasn't a dragon after all…" Aqua admitted bashfully.

"Wait, did you guys not realize that?" Cecily walked up to them as well. "I thought you knew."

Emperor Zel and Hans continued to size each other up. Despite the sheer difference in size, Zel refused to so much as flinch. Eventually, though, Hans recovered from his initial shock.

"Ugh, it doesn't matter. I'm just going to eat you, anyway!"

The gigantic purple blob lunged forward, teeth bared. A bright flash lit up from Zel's eyes before he jumped to the side and Hans smashed into the ground as the chunk of slime that made up the inside of his fake mouth suddenly turned to stone.

"Cuhcaw!" Emperor Zel crowed defiantly as Hans shifted his body around to move the petrified mass to his rear.

"Ow, that hurt!" Hans yelled. "Why did that hurt? Die, you little freak!"

Hans swept a tendril low across the ground. Zel simply jumped over and solidified it with another flash before striking it with his tale. A spiderweb of cracks formed along the stone.

"Stop that!" Hans yelled furiously before going in for another attack.

Aqua slowly got back to her feet as she watched her son kick that monster's non-existent ass. It was both confusing and breathtaking.

"That's our boy!" she called excitedly as she grabbed Kazuma's arm.

"Oi, get off of me!" Kazuma pulled himself out of her grip but she then pulled him into a hug that he couldn't get out of. "I am not that thing's dad!"

A few minutes later, Hans the rampaging poison slime was little more than a petrified statue, completely overwhelmed by Emperor Zel's attacks. It served as a completely anticlimactic end to such a long and grueling fight but at least it was over now. Emperor Zell rushed over to Aqua, who knelt down and started stroking his feathers.

"That's my boy!" Aqua said happily as Zel cooed softly at her touch. "I'm so proud of you!"

The snake head turned to look up at Kazuma, who folded his arms and looked away.

"Uh, thanks, I guess," he mumbled.

While Aqua continued petting her victorious son, Cecily ran over to check on Darkness. To their collective relief, the Crusader was finally able to rise back to her feet again and slowly walked over to them with the former Axis Priest's help.

"That was amazing!" she called out to them. "Can we do that again?"

"Hell no!" Kazuma snapped at her.

Aqua laughed at the antics of her partners, just about ready to enter into hysterics from the sheer stress of everything that they'd been through that day. However, her attention was soon drawn back to the petrified statue, which started to shift and crack.

"Ugh!" Hans' voice split the air as part of his stone body suddenly shattered. "I'm just so done with you people!"

A purple blob emerged from the broken stone, resembling an angry purple jellyfish with glowing yellow eyes. In his reduced state, Hans was only around half the size of a human yet still powerful enough to be more than a threat.

"No more tricks!" he shouted. "I'm ready for you this time! And once I eat all of you up, and all of those crazy cultists back in the city, I'll be back to full power in no time. Don't think that you've accomplished anything here!"

Time seemed almost to stand still as the poison slime charged towards them. Emperor Zel ran to face him even as Aqua called out, worried for her son's safety. This was it, the final showdown. It all ended… with Darkness coming out on top.

"Smite!" the Crusader struggled to hold what was left of her once-mighty sword overhead as it was bathed in a light of radiant glory, before swinging it down in the pouncing slime. "Cleave!"

Despite all expectations, Darkness' dented and partly-melted sword met its mark, slicing Hans vertically in two. The holy magic imbued within that strike permeated his gelatinous form, causing what was left of his body to shine brightly and intensely before at last it exploded into nothing.

Darkness collapsed, having used up the last of her strength on that final blow. The last Deadly Poison Slime had met its end thanks to the valiant efforts of four noble heroes. Darkness, Kazuma, Cecily and Emperor Zel.

And Aqua? She'd just stood there and watched. She really was just a useless goddess, wasn't she?

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

In the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: A Day Out In This Town Of Demons!

Keima woke up to something hard pressing against his face. He stirred from his restless sleep with a groan and opened his eyes to see a stick poking him in the cheek. On the other end of that stick was a small hand that was attached to a little girl with bright red eyes and dark hair tied back in twin pigtails. If he remembered correctly, she was Megumin's little sister, Komekko.

While Keima and Elsie talked about the café their mother owned, Yunyun couldn't help but fixate on the small clump of rice that had gotten stuck to Keima's chin as he was eating. He didn't seem to have noticed it yet, since he hadn't wiped it off or anything and was going on like it wasn't there. Five and a half grains of moist white rice, just hanging there. Should she point it out to him? Or maybe try scratching her own chin in the same spot the next time he looked over at her, to let him know without drawing attention to it? Or… or maybe she should… should reach over and… reach over and wipe it off, herself. They were promised to each other now, even if her father had made that decision without either of their consent, which meant that sort of could be expected of her now, in her role as his wife.

"This… is The Sword with a Rock in It!" Komekko declared proudly with a flourish of her cape, acting as Elsie's tour guide. "I mean, The Rock with a Sword in It! They say that it is the cursed holy sword with no name that will grant 'e-mes-rable' power to the chosen one who can pull it from the rock!"

Author's Notes: I have been waiting so long to finally get to this fight. I hope you enjoyed reading the adventures of Emperor Zell as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, shout out to the one person who guessed the twist of Zell being a basilisk. I didn't think I was being very subtle about that.

Also, a friendly reminder that I've got a Discord server now. You can find the link in my bio.