"WHAT THE FUCK KINDA EDUCATOR ARE YOU?! MY BOY ALMOST GETS KILLED BY A FLYING BOWLING BALL! AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS APOLOGIZE?!"
Having long since mastered the art of remaining calm when he was the target of an angry woman, though he must admit that neither Molly nor Minerva were quite as vulgar with the terminology as the young woman before him, Dumbledore managed to maintain his calming smile as he tried to placate Harry's fuming parental figure.
"I assure you Mrs. Mildred that I take any attack on ANY of my students quite seriously. But you must understand that these things take time. Especially since in order to prevent anyone from coming to lasting harm, both I and my fellow professor had to destroy the bludger. Which means that finding the one responsible is rather a more difficult task."
Bracing himself for another angry rant from the short, but no less fearsome women, the bearded wizard was pleased to see that, despite appearances, Harry's adoptive father had the courage to at least try and put an end to his wife's anger-filled ranting.
"I hate to say it Mils, but I have to agree with him. With the evidence blown to pieces, tracking down the villain in this caper becomes much harder. I'm just glad that Harry here wasn't hurt."
"Thanks in part to your training mom. If you didn't help me out with my…gymnastics, I wouldn't have been able to dodge nearly as well as I did."
It was at this point that Dumbledore was once again reminded of the similarities and differences between the black-haired Hufflepuff and the boy who became Lord Voldemort.
Both relied on a mask to hide their true nature. Choosing only to let a select few know what lay beneath their more public persona.
But whereas Tom had hidden his ambitions and cruelty with the sort of charm that Cornelius could only dream of possessing, Harry chose to hide his ability to feel love in a manner that was quite similar to Severus.
Pulling himself from his musings, even if the sight of a family expressing genuine concern for each other was incredibly heartwarming, and perhaps a tad bittersweet, the headmaster of Hogwarts cleared his throat to regain the family's attention.
"And I must say that I am extremely grateful for your efforts. It's hard to dodge a bludger while riding a broom. Quite another thing to do so while on the ground. Though I must once again question as to why you thought it was a good idea to use your fellow students, particularly the Slytherins, as a shield?"
His question earning a sigh from Harry's short, white-haired father, Dumbledore felt a small frown cross his face as the short black-haired woman decided to speak for her adoptive son.
"Probably cause they're the ones responsible for the attempt in the first place. I mean, they're always picking on him, and they have this rather stupid belief that everyone who isn't 'pure of blood' is inferior to them. The way I see it, that's two motivations right there."
He wasn't sure which was worse.
The fact that a muggle woman, or at least what apparated to be a muggle woman judging by the faint traces of glamor magic that surrounded both her and her husband, could easily point out the continued flaws of the magical community. Something which the Ministry refused to inform Muggleborns and their families once they were told of the existence of magic.
Or the fact that Harry was using logic to explain his actions.
"Not to mention the fact that I thought that the bludger was enchanted not to hurt the one responsible for the attempt on my life. Of course, it's possible that no such safeguards were put in place in order to better hide their identity. But considering the speed and power of that thing, the chances of it not having safeguards are pretty slim."
Slowly nodding his head in agreement with that thought process, Dumbledore nevertheless ensured to convey that he was still unhappy with that type of thinking.
"An excellent deduction Mr. Potter. However, in the future, I would prefer that if you feel the need to act on such suspicions, ensure that you do not place your fellow students in danger. I can understand that there might be some….tension between you and Slytherin House, but that does not mean that you can harm them."
Fighting the urge to chuckle at the way Harry's displeased expression perfectly mirrored that of his adoptive mother, the aged headmaster felt a smile of gratitude spread across his face as Moxxie voiced his agreement.
Even if the term used to describe his position was slightly disrespectful.
"Your principal is right Harry. You can't use violence to solve all your prob…"
"Of course he can Moxxie. Anyone who tells you different is either a liar or an idiot. Not that I'm calling you an idiot your Merlinness. But I have to admit that when I saw the beard, I started thinking about nursing homes and adult diapers."
It was remarkable.
While it was true that there were many individuals who tried his patience, this was the first time in decades where the urge to throttle something was almost sufficient to overcome his willpower.
And what was even more surprising was that this feeling wasn't being caused by one of Tom's followers, an easily corrupted politician like Cornelius, or the vile woman who abused her position as her undersecretary to try and create the type of society that Tom had tried to create through years of terror.
No.
It was being caused by the unlooked-for appearance of a man whose short stature, and rather atrocious fashion sense, did little to hinder his ability to act like he was superior to everyone in the room.
If he had not already seen this…person in Minerva's memory, he would have instinctively gone for his wand.
But as it was, he merely held out his hand as the cartoonish-looking man introduced himself.
"Hi there. My name's Blitz, the O is silent. Employer and best friend to this lovely couple, and honorary uncle, and if he toes the line and behaves himself, future father-in-law to this little ball of pre-teen angst."
Taking a moment to regard the reactions Blitz's entrance had on the family, noticing that both Harry and his adoptive father were more annoyed by this intrusion than the sole female of the group, Dumbledore was largely unsurprised to see that it was the youngest member of this gathering that broke the silence.
"What?"
….
Enjoying the rather pointed glare he was receiving from the Kid, knowing full well that he couldn't act on his more violent impulses while in the presence of the old fart, Blitzo proceeded to answer the question in a manner that suggested that he was somewhat hurt by having to answer it.
"Oh don't be like that kiddo. After all the things I've done for you, like taking you horseback riding, not overreacting when your spending time with Looney, or teaching you the best way to tie a garo…I mean a special bow tie. I thought that we had developed a special relationship."
Feeling his eyes instantly water, a move that he had perfected numerous times in order to get sympathy from current lovers, landlords, race track security guards, and a certain adoptive daughter of his after she went from puppyhood to puberty, Blitzo felt his unshed tears vanish as the Kid's principal decided to but into what had previously been a touchy moment.
"I'm…starting to see where young Harry gets most of his personality from." At this, the transformed Imp could only scoff.
"As if Frumblefork. I mean, don't get me wrong I'm a far better male role model for him than Moxxie. But the kid was smart enough to copy the mannerisms of the two most important people in his life. His mom and his best friend."
Feeling nothing but pride as he spoke how his darling Looney was a role model, conveniently forgetting that just a few days ago he had been ranting about how the Kid would try to upgrade from friends to friends with benefits, Blitzo couldn't help but feel a tad jealous as the young dragon Demon did something that Loona almost never did nowadays.
"I also picked up a lot of useful things from dad. If it wasn't for his…thoroughness when it came to learning things, I wouldn't be as competent as I am now."
Upon that last part, the former circus performer went from depressed to slightly enraged.
"And what about my daughter? She looked after you. Played with you. Showed you the proper way to gu.."
"THAT'S ENOUGH SIR! We're not here to talk about who's had the greatest impact on Harry's personality. We're here to address the concerns we have about his continued safety."
Waving aside his employee's concern, Blitzo settled into a pout as he sat down into a chair that had been conjured into existence.
"While I appreciate your concern Mr. Blitz, and am indeed happy to know that Harry has made friends outside of the castle, I would ask you to remain quiet for the time being."
Blitzo could only scoff at this.
"Listen here Stumbledork. I'm an Im….I mean, a man of strong opinions. If I hear or see something that I believe to be unfair, I will speak out, act out, or shoot out anything that robs me of my ability to express myself." His declaration earning irritated sighs from both father and son, Blitzo could only roll his eyes in disinterest as the aged human once again tried to get him to show some manners.
"And…I can respect that Mr. Blitz. However, I must insist that you please refrain from commenting until we are finished. And just to remind you, my name is Dumbledore. Not Stumbledork or Frumblefork."
Though huffing at both the wizard's order and correction, Blitzo nevertheless obeyed the order as he watched his more spineless employee try to steer the conversation back to its intended purposes.
"To return to an earlier, and more important topic, you must understand Professor Dumbledore that both Millie and I are concerned about our son's safety. He's rather gifted for his age…"
"Thanks, dad!"
"But he is still only eleven."
"…..Thanks, dad."
Snorting at the sight of the Kid going from proud to moody, though he had to admit that he did it with far more grace than Looney ever did, Blitzo decided to push his chair away from the lovely couple as he noticed Millie's worsening expression as Fumbledick tried to soothe their worries with empty words.
"I understand your concerns. Truly I do. But until we find the one responsible for this attack, the only thing I can promise is to keep a closer eye on Harry. Which would become far easier to do if the boy practices a confrontational approa…"
"SO NOW YOU'RE BLAMING OUR SON FOR PAINTING A TARGET ON HIS HEAD?!"
In any other situation, he would laugh at Millie's outburst. Especially since her voice seemed to inspire terror in the rather creepy collection of moving portraits that covered every wall of the room. But since he was there to show his support, not to mention the fact that he had no clear exit strategy, the former circus performer wisely kept his mouth shut as Millie continued her rant.
"HE GET'S BULLIED BY NAZIS IN TRAINING! HAS TO PUT UP WITH A TEACHER WHO IS PATHETHIC ENOUGH TO GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO MOCK AN ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD! AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO BLAME HIM JUST BECAUSE HE DEFENDS HIMSELF?! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!"
Opening his mouth to make his opinion known, for while he could admire the old guy's sense of fashion wearing a bathrobe to a meeting stunk of dementia, Blitzo quickly snapped it shut as a rather touching moment between mother and son developed in front of him.
"Mom it's okay. I can handle myse.."
"IT'S NOT OKAY! BACK HOME YOUR FATHER AND I ARE AT LEAST AROUND TO BACK YOU UP SHOULD YOU GET INTO MORE TROUBLE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE! BUT HERE?! YOU'RE BY YOURSELF, AND YOUR BULLIES WILL NEVER BE PROPERLY PUNISHED BECAUSE THEY EITHER HAVE MONEY OR RELY ON A BIASED TEACHING STAFF!"
Snickering as he watched the Kid get pulled into a rather clingy hug from his overly emotional parent, Blitzo felt a brief moment of anxiety as Stumblebore asked a question that he couldn't answer.
"And where exactly is home may I ask? Young Harry has proven to be very reluctant to share this detail or anything connected to the past three years. So since I have you all here, mind telling me how it was that the boy came into your lives?"
Opening his mouth to answer that particular question, the Imp assassin instantly felt his mouth forcibly shut as Moxxie proceeded to explain his son's history.
"It…it was actually rather sudden. We were in England on a job, and on our way to our tar….I mean client's house, we heard the sound of a child crying in a park. Since this was late at night, we immediately investigated and found Harry, covered in bruises, and far smaller than a healthy boy of eight should be. We asked him if he was lost, and if we would like our help to return him to his family, but that seemed to terrify him, so we did what any responsible adult should do. We called the cops, and adopted him right then and there."
As a professional bullshitter, Blitzo was impressed with this story since there were truthful elements in it that were mixed in with the lies. Which in turn made the story more believable.
But, the old geezer, while clearly moved by this story, didn't hesitate to point out some of the flaws in a manner that made it clear that he didn't fully believe it.
"Quite commendable since it speaks well of your ability to show compassion. However, I must confess that I find it odd that there is no record of this occurring. When I first discovered Harry had gone missing from relatives, I spared no efforts in trying to find out where he had gone."
With his ability to speak still being hindered, something which he rightly attributed to the fact that the Kid was pointing one of his digits in his direction, Blitzo could only watch as Millie surprisingly gave an answer that was similar to what he would have given.
"You probably have Harry's magic tutor to thank for that. As a…man who values his privacy, but knows full well the danger Harry would face if someone could use a paper trail to discover where he was, he probably ensured that no one could discover what happened on the night of his disappearance. And since Harry didn't know anyone else to take care of him, we gladly stepped up."
For a moment nothing was said as the bearded old guy proceeded to stare at each member of the family and their employer.
"I suppose that given my own…findings in regards to the Dursley Family, I cannot fault your decision. And it is quite clear that the pair of you love young Mr. Potter just as much as he loves you. I'm sure that wherever they are, his birth parents are happy to know that their son is in good hands, especially when one considers the fate of their first choice of caretaker."
Fighting the urge to laugh, for he knew for a fact that the Kid's sperm and egg donor were far from happy about the current 'parental situation', Blitzo had to roll his eyes as Moxxie concentrated on one of the less important aspects of the wizard's little speech.
"Wait a second. What do you mean by 'first choice'? Cause it sounds like instead of those…people, the Potters had another person in mind."
Seeing the frown come over the Merlin wannabe's face, Blitzo could tell that the answer to that particular question was painful. But he had to give the old goat credit. He answered it well enough.
"Well you see, James Potter was close friends with a wizard named Sirius Black. And during the closing years of the war, a plan was made to try and hide the Potters."
….
Cheerfully humming one of the more popular tunes of his club, proof that he needed to convince a certain cycloptic babe to spend less time at the bar and more time on stage, Angel could only sigh exaggeratedly as a certain gray-skinned buzzkill interrupted his good mood in her usual manner.
"And just where in Hell do you think you're going?"
Putting one of his hands to his chin in order to give off the impression that he was seriously considering that question, the white spider Demon quickly sported a smirk as he gave his answer.
"That depends. What answer is more likely to piss you off?"
Cackling as his answer caused Vaggie to look even more enraged than usual, Angel quickly held up all six of his hands in a placating gesture as he quickly found himself to be on the wrong end of her spear.
"Doesn't matter. It's nearly five PM. Which means that you're supposed to be getting ready for this evening's program."
Deciding that it was probably better for his health not to offer up a snarky comment since he knew that Vagatha was fully prepared to skewer him, and not in the fun way, if he did not show anything but acceptance with her plan, the porn star opened his mouth to promise that he would attend. Fully intended to break said promise once he no longer had a spear aimed at his precious fluff.
Only to watch in amused approval as a familiar shadowy tendril snatched the moth woman's spear, and placed it into the hands of the perpetually smiling Radio Demon.
"Now now, my dear Vagatha. While I commend you for your continued dedication to young Charlotte's dream of redemption, I'm afraid that our dear friend Angel here has something else planned for his evening. Don't you Angel?"
Chuckling nervously as Alastor once again made him the center of attention, for even when disarmed Vaggie was still a threat to his ability to look orgasmically amazing for his guests, Angel was largely unsurprised by the angry response the moth Demon had to this question.
"Well, he shouldn't. He's already skipped out of four sessions this week. And since he only has two more days to meet the minimum requirements that will allow him to stay here for another month, he should prioritize his one hour with Charlie, who refuses to give up on you for some reason, instead of trying to go off to that dirty, STD-spreading hole of filth."
"HEY! My club is not dirty, and the staff is clean thanks to a deal I made with this drug company."
"YOU ALLOW DRUGS TO BE USED IN YOUR CLUB!?"
Nodding his head, Angel rolled his eyes as he tried to calm the enraged woman.
Albeit in a fashion that would probably just piss her off more.
"It would be stupid not to. I mean yeah, a good chunk of what I spend on drugs is for recreational purposes, you would not believe the quality you can get if you have enough cash. But part of what I pay for is used to ensure that none of my employees have to worry about catching something while on the job. You wouldn't believe how quickly my profits rose once word got out that my guys and gals were STD-free."
Proudly smiling at this revelation, for it had been one of the first changes he had implemented after taking control of Val's business, Angel was grateful that Al had confiscated Vaggie's spear.
For the Radio Demon's contribution to the conversation caused the gray-skinned woman to morph into her more demonic form.
"And it is probably that sort of business sense that has caused you to come to the attention of Asmodeus himself. To think that merely a few years ago you were nothing but the unwilling lackey for that uncouth fellow Valentino. But now, you have the potential to become a giant in the field. Admittedly, it is a field that I have no interest treading in, but the accomplishment is still impressive nevertheless."
Nervously chuckling at this bit of praise, even he was on the verge of being throttled by his landlady's man-hating girlfriend, Angel felt the rare, but nevertheless potent feeling of regret as he heard the voice of a less than cheerful Charlie.
"Is that true Angel?"
Sighing as he turned to face the rosy-cheeked daughter of the Devil, Angel felt his regretful expression morph into a frown as the gray-skinned pain in his ass, and again, not in the fun way, decided to answer for him.
"Of course it's true! Let's face it, the only reason why he accepted your offer to try and redeem him was because he wanted a place to stay that was rent-free and provided free food. He doesn't care about getting into Heaven. And I doubt he ever will."
Glaring at the equally pissed one-eyed woman, Angel managed to feel a spark of sympathy for Vaggie as Al decided to once again prove that he was quite willing to cross certain lines if it amused him.
"Oh now come come, Vagatha my dear. While it is probably true that our dear friend Angel will never see the pearly gates, both because of his chosen lifestyle and the fact that most of his family resides down here with him, the same could be said for you. It is possible that your continued animosity stems from the fact that Angel's career down in Hell is more successful than yours was when you were alive. Envy is a sin, my dear. And as long as you continue to hold on to it, you will never get redeem…"
"ALASTOR THAT'S ENOUGH!"
Quickly diving behind the reception as Charlie's sudden burst of anger reminded everyone just whose daughter she was, Angel waited until he no longer felt the heat of her rage to poke his head out.
And when he did, he was greeted to a sight that was very rare to see here at the hotel.
"I know you get a kick out of mocking everyone. BUT, cross that particular line again, and I'll shove that microphone so far up your ass that you'll choke on it. Are we clear?"
While momentarily shocked by Charlie's rather graphic threat, the multi-limbed porn star turned club owner was largely unsurprised by Al's reaction to this very real promise.
"Oh please, my dear. There's no need for threats. I was simply just offering your charming woman a new perspective on her continued placement in Hell. However, I will confess that perhaps I might have overstepped my boundaries. I assure you, it won't happen again."
Scoffing at the false sincerity of the Radio Demon's words, Angel decided that now was the perfect time to leave.
"Well, as much as I enjoy our sappy little moments together, I'm afraid I gotta run. I have an important meeting tonight, and there's no way in Hell I'm going to miss it. Toodles."
Of course, as soon as he tried to make a break for it, the white fluffy spider found himself tripping over his feet thanks to one of Al's shadowy tentacles.
And since it wasn't being used in a manner that would lead to a night of hot and sticky debauchery, Angel could only frown as his captor proceeded to wag a chiding finger in his face.
"Now now Angel. While I can respect your desire to be punctual for your employment, you are forgetting to ask Charlie if you have permission to leave. You do live here on her goodwill, after all. And since you continue to act in a manner that makes one believe that you no longer really desire to go to Heaven, a show of manners might be appropriate in this situation."
Recognizing that Al had a point, even if the chief cause behind his acceptance of Charlie's offer was no longer around to make him wish for an escape from the pit, Angel opened his mouth to what he hoped would be a sincere request to reschedule his so-called therapy for another time.
Only to be interrupted by a voice that, while possessing a slightly rasping and barking quality to it, nevertheless managed to still sound like a voice that could be put to use in his club.
Excuse me. Is this the Hazbin/Happy Hotel?"
Deciding to delay his departure, for he couldn't remember the last time when the Hotel had a guest that sounded that sexy, Angel was once again reminded of his landlady's slightly bipolar tendencies as she went from depressed to full-blown excitement.
"Hi! Welcome to the Happy Hotel! I'm Charlie. I'm soo happy to meet you Mr….?"
Smirking as he saw the thin, but still smoking hot Sinner, whose new appearance resembled that of a black German Sheppard, albeit a very shaggy one, Angel had to admit that he was somewhat confused by Al's sudden fit of excited laughter when the new comer gave his name.
"Apologies, Ms. Charlie. I'm Sirius. Sirius Black."
…
ANNNNNNND Gonna end the Chapter here :D
I know, I know. Cliffhangers suck….but I assure you, next chapter will make it worthwhile lmao
So after all this time, FINALLY got to the meeting between Dumbledore and Harry's adoptive parents. To make it clear, they ARE wearing the human glamor disguise to fool Dumbledore.
AND of course, Blitzo just had to crash the meeting. I believed his past history (i.e. Pilot episode) showed that he WOULD do this sort of thing, already covered his stalkerish tendencies in previous chapters. And of course episode 7 once again reveals that the word 'NO' doesn't exactly register with Blitzo.
And of course, that segment ends with them learning about Sirius, with the chapter ending with him already having his Sinner form.
I promise that next chapter will fill in a lot of the blanks this may have caused, but I still think its an entertaining chapter.
Anywho, once again big thanks to StarDustDragonknight and Darkscythe Drake for their editing/brainstorming efforts.
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter.
Reviews welcome…flames not so much
Til next time.