Chapter 12: Checkers verses Chess

While us Cullens stood outside school preparing ourselves for the day ahead and talking about how we each were going to enact Carlisle's instructions, Jessica's thoughts bombarded me, as if she was screaming my name an inch away. Tuning into her mind without moving my body in her direction, I discovered that the person in Bella's body was telling Jessica that she'd get Mr. Banner to switch the seats, so Jessica could attempt to get into my pants. The games of teenaged girls were very familiar to me. By this stage of my existence nothing they did was new. It was like they were playing checkers and I had already memorised all the moves. Didn't make their behaviour any more irritating or repulsive, though.

During the school day, I kept mental tabs on Bella's body through other juniors and what we believed to be Bella's thoughts in Jamerica's body. Simultaneously, Alice and I were using our gifts to try and gain the confidence of the person residing in Bella's body. Shockingly, we were unable to find an option that would work. Oddly enough, she shunned Alice, irrelevant of how Alice approached her. To test out if Bella's body's lack of a fear response was only directed to me and thus influencing the outcomes, Alice not so accidentally bumped into her. Instead of a fear response, Alice reported the behaviours of indifference. It made the situation even stranger. Certainly, Carlisle's hypothesis that the fear response humans had towards us was automatic and biologically tied seemed confirmed. He would be pleased at the evidence, but it was unhelpful in actually solving the problem of befriending the person residing in Bella's body.

No biological elucidations could explain why the person masquerading as Bella, essentially, during Biology class declared her knowledge of us as vampires. Even no fear response to us biologically wouldn't remove prudence or caution. Instead, she seemed confident that we were incapable of hurting her. Her language implied that Carlisle had some way of controlling us. The whole thing was unnerving, but it did help explain somewhat her attitude towards me. In contradiction to her words, her whole approach actually just fuelled my desire to experience the total momentary bliss her blood offered to me and thus end her life. Her ability to get under my skin in a manner that increased the temptation she held was significant. This coupled with my personal indignation of how she treated me seemingly push me closer to the proverbial edge of tasting her. The small part of me that had returned from Denali refusing to allow an insignificant human girl to drive me away from my family fuelled me to find an antidote. I clung tightly to its refusal to be undone and shame Carlisle, let alone violate the treaty, due to some arrogant little witch with just enough knowledge about the Quileute mythology to make her dangerous. I reminded myself that she was merely playing checkers, a child's game.

The only thing remotely interesting about the person sitting next to me in Biology was how she had based her fearlessness of me on her knowledge of our treaty with the Quileutes. Her comment about Carlisle keeping me declawed was particularly low, and worse she knew it. She seemed willing to do nearly anything to get her way, including baiting a Cold One. It was juvenile and petty, and thus heavily irritating, as it was exactly the kind of high school behaviour that I couldn't stand and was so common, especially with females. The greatest problem with her approach from my moral view was that it was conniving, manipulative, and unethical in its self-serving motives. So, although, it impressed me in how her mind worked and the cleverness of how she worked to get her way, it also repulsed me, and had me wondering if the world would be better off without her. In that way, Mike and her were a great match. It certainly didn't do her any favours in terms of me convincing the demon inside of me to let her live.

At least the Bella I had first met had the decency to give me the benefit of the doubt and be slightly concerned about my behaviours. She had seemingly been concerned for me, which was ridiculous, but respectable. She had been too curious and observant for her own good. Contrarily, her sweet temperament and presentation of weakness made her an easy kill in many ways, and thus a slight turn off. This pretend Bella's flagrant dismissal of me as any threat in the least was like waving a red flag at a bull. It has set my venom on fire and encouraged my demon.

Thus, in Biology class, I spent most of my mental energy trying to resist the demon inside me that said the taste of her blood would be worth any cost foremost using my stubborn refusal to succumb. In that internal fight for control I realized that her behaving like the rest of the adolescent herd was fuelling my coveting. For my own conscience and for her ability to keep her life, I used a trick Carlisle taught me in my early years. I worked to see how she was unique and worthy of living till old age. My anger at how she had encouraged Jessica made that difficult. All day Jessica's thoughts had been forcefully loud and she had cried out my name mentally so many times, that I had struggled to do all the jobs via my gift that I had committed to do. Not to mention the content of her thoughts had been revolting. She was the exactly the worst kind of woman my human mother had warned me about.

If the fake Bella had been playing checkers, I had been playing chess. Taking her challenge of me as an opportunity to gain the information we needed to hopefully resolve Alice's gift, she had played into my hands. She had admitted, albeit indirectly, that she cared about Jamerica, who for all intents and purposes the real Bella Swan couldn't have possibly known. Thus, she outed herself as being Jamerica within Bella's body. My strategy of acting as if she had the winning hand was already giving me an advantage. These types of girls were all the same. They wanted to stay on top of the social ladder. Hopefully, her believing that she had bested me would feed her ego enough to be careless with her words around me. Her being mentally mute to my gift was irrelevant. I was far more skilled in playing mental games than her. She didn't stand a chance.

Alice must have been watching closely, because between classes she told me, Smart move. Your future cleared up a bit.

Entering my next class, Alice's thoughts were directed at me, You can do it. You know how much Rosalie would hold it against you if we had to move.

Glad to have her support on both fronts, the next step was convincing myself to keep the demon within me caged. By the end of the last class I had come up with a very short list of two reasons to not consume all of the blood in Bella's body. One, Chief Swan would be devastated and two, assuming we were correct that there had been a swap, Bella would never get her body back. It was actually the second which was my greatest motivator, because I had become impressed with the thoughts and thus soul which resided in Jamerica's body. Her disgust at her body's behaviours, especially in relation to Mike were similar to my own, and I found it warming that we shared being virgins in common, as it was a rare trait in girls of this era.

More than anything, I was impressed at how, despite the situation the person in Jamerica's body was thrust into, which seemed to be outside of her control, she had no antagonistic thoughts towards the person residing in her body. Overall, she was clever, thoughtful, and kind. The thoughts from Jamerica's body, oddly enough for her age and era, seemed to have no value towards outward appearances. Her thoughts never compared herself to others or others to each other, except in how they treated another person, and even then she always assumed the best of everyone, even Mandy, who in my opinion didn't deserve her kindness. I would even go so far to say that she was kind to a fault, much like Carlisle and Esme. Furthermore, she was genuine, never lying to someone, yet thoughtful of others' feelings, so often managing the truth in a gentle way. While having these similarities to my parents, she also had courage and grit in measures that were equally rare in a modern female. Overall, I found myself admiring her, and thus drawn to get to know her better.

Although I found myself believing her soul lovelier the longer I listened to her thoughts, I hoped Alice or Jasper hadn't copped on to my attraction. The family had already agreed that friendship was a terrible idea. Hopefully, I could keep my interest in her from them and simply admire her from afar.

I found myself needing to hide in a smile when Rosa spoke to her, offering her friendship. Rosa was also a kind person with caring thoughts, although compared herself and others far more. She was nearly as thoughtful of others and gentle in her thoughts as Angela. When I compared the three ladies, I found myself more attracted to the thoughts in Jamerica's body. Perhaps, I theorised, my reaction was because I was observing someone reacting to an adverse condition. She certainly was behaving with grace and courage under fire and it reminded me of some of the women's thoughts from when I was first turned.

Assuming that I could learn more about the person in Jamerica's body outside of school, since she kept her thoughts on schoolwork throughout the day, only deviating occasionally during class or when she was between class or at lunch, during the last period I decided to follow her home.

Yes, continue to keep tabs, Alice stated with a tone that indicated that she doubted some part of my decision, while simultaneously encouraging me. I'll tell the rest, Alice proclaimed with glee. Her assurance was appreciated, yet her tone gave me pause. Clearly she had an agenda. I couldn't discern what it was, since the visions that flashed through her mind didn't give any insight into what I would learn, only that I wasn't found out. In the hall I passed by Jasper and gave him my keys.

Secretly following Jamerica's body by staying within the tree line in the upper branches, I was surprised to learn that she walked home. For reasons that puzzled me, that truth caused me to become uncomfortable, as if it provoked anxiety within me. Nothing in all my years since my transformation had contained the smallest amount of fear when it came to humans. They were a weak prey species that could never hurt me. The last time I could remember experiencing this feeling was when Maria had visited and had made a mess we were forced to clean up. Nothing about Jamerica's body walking home alone compared to that experience. I was completely stumped. Almost involuntarily, my mind began to think of ways that I could remedy her situation, but nothing came to mind. The longer my mind did not generate a solution, the worse the feeling became. It was befuddling to say the least.

She spent most of her walk home evaluating her present strange situation of living within someone else's body. She exerted her mental focus trying to figure out a way to navigate it without getting into trouble with the human authorities. Not only was this absolute confirmation, but how she thought about it was helpful for my sake. From my observations, despite what had happened, and how she could have, rightfully so, thrown a big fit, she was instead accepting of these changes to her and had been trying to make the best of it. Her struggles with lying and her dislike of deceiving people increased my appreciation of her. Furthermore, her mind was very methodical, which combined with her gentle spirit caused me to compare it to Carlisle's. I also got as close as I could at this point in confirmation that Bella was within Jamerica's body - she referred to herself as Bella and the room she placed her belongings as Jamerica's.

Relieved and glad, I was also perplexed at how she seemed to be intuitively aware of my presence. Without a doubt she couldn't see me. In fact, her thoughts confirmed that was the case. Nevertheless, she had noted my presence, and had determined me to be an angel. Her conclusion caused me to doubt everything previous about her, as me being an angel was preposterous. Despite her conclusion of my nature, the longer I stayed with her the more upset she became. Her thoughts indicated that it wasn't my presence so much as she had reached her limit of strange. Consequently, she hadn't been home very long when she mentally asked me to leave, even though she thought herself mentally unstable for doing so. Being a gentleman and honouring the lady's request, along with not wanting to increase her distress, I left.

Struggling with everything I had seen, heard, and learned, along with my own reactions when Carlisle arrived home I asked him to hunt with me. He greeted Esme and then we headed out.

We ran for a bit, my thoughts tumbling over themselves. Eventually I put them into a semblance of an order and told him, "She could sense me following her home today and came to the conclusion that I was an angel. An angel, Carlisle! I would ask what is faulty with her, except that her logic was sound. I simply cannot agree."

What was her decision-making process? he wondered, his mental tone both worried and slightly comforted by my distress, which seemed rude.

"She could sense me, but not see or hear me, so began to create a list of possible explanations. Her list was quite long and mythical," I told him chuckling at how she hadn't ruled anything out from the beginning. It was a refreshing mental state. "Then, she determined that she felt no ill-will from me, and so took out every creature from her list that was focused on harming humans. She then evaluated the nature of the creature, its capacity to remain unheard and unseen, while humans had still reported sensing their presence. Her conclusion was angel."

Very methodical, open-minded, and yet logical, despite the circumstance, he concluded, seemingly by his mental tone impressed with her. Her trusting in her instincts is impressive for someone of this generation, he added as an introspective afterthought.

"Those were my thoughts," I teased him with a smile in an attempt to lighten the mood before I frowned once more in distress.

He chuckled. Then, in a joking tone asked, So, what's the problem?

"You know that the idea of being compared to an angel is detestable to me," I stated disgruntled, and then ranting a little added, "How many times did the victim think something similar while running to safety right before I murdered the human who had been hurting them?"

His tone gentle and loving told me the same thing he had multiple times before, Even if you took a human's life and quenched your thirst does not diminish the victim's gratitude for how you helped them. Your selfish motives for aiding them, doesn't alter their appreciation. In many ways they could have used the term knight in shining armour and meant the same thing. But I suspect that whom you followed today did not mean the word in the way of your past.

Frowning, disliking the point he was making, I nevertheless agreed, "No, she didn't."

She was trying to find a logical conclusion to the evidence presented to her. Although angel isn't close to vampire, for sure, she was correct in a way, wasn't she?

"Yes," I replied. "None of her thinking was faulty. I meant her no harm, and was simply curious."

Imagine that kind of intuitive sense, thinking capacity, and open mindedness in a body where your mindreading would not have worked, he mused and then imagined how quickly I would have let something slip. You rely on your gift too much.

Rolling my eyes, I muttered, "Yes, I know. You've only told me that once or twice since my awakening."

Chuckling he replied, Well, clearly it has needed repeating.

We scented some caribou, so ran in their direction. After we each took one, we settled on the ground, as we had come near to a cliff of sorts and the view was enjoyable.

"How are you doing?" he asked his tone coated in compassion, and then added, truthfully.

"She had undone much of my belief systems and thus opinions about this life without meaning to," I answered.

His thoughts were on the beauty of the nature surrounding us, clearly allowing me to continue.

"These events have invalidated much of my beliefs when it comes to souls. The current evidence due to these events indicates that souls and bodies are not the same thing, which has destroyed most of my arguments regarding why vampires have no souls. However, we are creatures that survive off of blood and our existence requires breaking most of the Ten Commandments, so I'm still not convinced that we aren't damned. Nevertheless, I can reluctantly admit to there being a sliver of possibility that your belief about souls has merit."

We have souls and our damnation is based on our efforts, just like it is for humans, he repeated as if in a mental reflex before once more turning his thoughts back to the view.

Ignoring his brief inconsequential thought, I continued, "My craving for blood, especially as a newborn, and more recently towards Bella's body I certainly perceive as a demon trying to overtake me." It was an old comment that had passed between us many times.

Human newborns are nothing but instincts. Although ours calls for blood, and humans' the most, I cannot believe that this alone determines our fate. Human children bite, hit, and otherwise harm their parents and others. The scripture teaches us that the world is fallen and we are all with sin. But living in a sinful world and resisting the urges that calls us to harm others does not make us demons, he told me, as he had many times before.

However, this time instead of rejecting his thoughts outright as ridiculous, I deeply contemplated them.

With a tenuous tone, I offered, "Even if vampires, in general, do have souls, then would not my years of hunting humans damn mine?"

The scripture says that we stand account after we leave this earth. How are you to know how you will be judged? Perhaps your years of not doing so stands in contrast? Is it not God's place to be judge rather than yours?

"You would make your father proud," I grumbled.

Edward, he stated in such a soft tender way that reminded me of my human mother, you hold yourself to such high expectations. This is not a bad thing, per say, except that all of us have fallen short. Instead of condemning yourself, let us think about how you might be of service.

Turning my head, I stared at him in an accusatorial manner.

He said nothing simply waiting.

Eventually I muttered, "I don't know how."

Well, assuming that a spell was cast without Isabella's permission, how is she coping?

"Relatively well, actually," I told him, and then went on to explain how she was handling everything with grace and her dislike of deception.

He was putting together information in a way that told me he was working something out. His process was always more intuitive than logical, so often lacking the mental crumbs I would have preferred. It was easy to imagine his mind working similarly to Bella's when he had been human.

The sun had already set and the moon was hidden behind the clouds when he asked Are you attracted to Bella?

His question fit a pattern he was examining, but I couldn't understand the value of the question.

"She is my singer," I answered, unsure of what else to say.

And her soul?

Pondering that, I told him, "I'm not sure attracted is the right word, but I do enjoy listening to her and learning more about her."

Completely changing his thought direction he asked, Have you considered descentualization?

"I do at school," I informed him.

I assumed you would. How about out of school?

"No, I have not," I replied.

Perhaps you and Alice can find a way to have her scent with you the other hours. I cannot say about Bella's body's scent in particular, but descentualization has worked otherwise, so it stands to reason that it would in this case also.

"Yes, I will speak to Alice," I promised, even though the burn of her scent being with me on a regular basis sounded like a terrible plan.

I am proud of you for changing your mind. You changing is a good thing. It is a blessing to watch.

Looking at him in confusion, as he had clearly made some connection I had missed, I hoped he would explain himself, but he didn't.

We stayed together for a few more hours, before his missing of Esme caused him to want to return home. As we got closer to Forks, I went in the direction of the Swan house, while he sought out Esme. I made a purposeful decision, as a kind of request, for Alice to join me.

About an hour later Alice showed up reeking of Jasper. Blessedly she was keeping her thoughts of him under wraps.

"Any ideas?" I asked her.

She chose different items of clothing. Unfortunately, what generated the strongest reaction for me, and thus would probably be the most helpful were her knickers. I groaned in resignation, while Alice smirked and went in and found the freshest pair. I had moved myself to be deep in the forest, as a precaution. When she handed them to me I was solely able to stop myself from running towards her, but the fabric was in pieces. Fortunately, Alice had already seen this outcome and handed me a second pair. Preparing myself for having a similar reaction allowed me to have a less animalistic response. Embarrassingly, though, my pants had tented.

Alice eyed me carefully and with reluctance to broach the subject asked, Are you physically attracted to her?

Freezing completely, my mind immediately began evaluating my reactions. Certainly on my first day the only awareness I had was of her blood and my frustration at not being able to read her thoughts. But this past Monday when I had returned? I had found her charming and attractive, if off-putting.

"Maybe?" I choked out.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, Edward, she told me, Rosalie was attracted to human Emmett and Carlisle to Esme.

Was this the conclusion Carlisle had come to? Was it possible that I was changing not just from evidence presented to me, but because I had found my mate in Bella?

That certainly would explain why the body swap messed with my visions related to you, Alice mused already catching on to where my thoughts had gone. Her tone suggested that she had already come to this conclusion and was simply pleased that I was ready to hear it.

I groaned.

Presumable Jamerica masquerading as Bella would continue to live, as even if there was only some chance of Alice's conclusion being true, I couldn't murder the body of my unlikely mate, even if the scent promised me the sweetest most delectable meal in my existence. Against my wishes, my mind conjured my teeth pressing past the barrier of her skin and being filled with the flavour she would offer. Then, it morphed into us having sex while I consumed her. Trying to stop my own mind from the images of torture it was generating, I found myself morphing the image into us being husband and wife and making love together, as if we were both human.

"Ugh," I grunted out.

You are! she exclaimed. Suddenly her mind was filled with images of weddings and all kind of things that were impossible.

"Don't forget that Bella no longer resides in her body," I nearly growled suddenly, frustrated with the situation, my own reaction, my loss of control over my body, and Alice's exuberance.

Immediately Alice stopped and frowned. Can they even be switched back? she asked as if I held the answer, which was ridiculous.

"I don't know, Alice," I replied exasperated, frustrated at her behaviour towards me and desires about me.

The clothes helping? she wondered, her mind completely changing direction suddenly.

Checking myself, I nodded in the affirmative, as it had helped with the bloodlust, even if my carnal lust had increased.

Let's go back, she instructed.

Oddly, I didn't want to go. Irritated at my odd feelings and reactions, I turned and started running.

As we travelled back home, she began figuring out how to get the garments every day, bring them to me, and replace them without Bella, well probably Jamerica who was resided in her body, being aware.

At least the person in Bella's body won't be as curious or confused if the garments don't match exactly, she mused and then began thinking about more risqué options.

"Please, no," I begged her.

She just giggled like I was being silly.

A/N: Do you enjoy an embarrassed Edward as much as I do? (giggles)