3 December

"I was thinking that perhaps we should head back to Colorado earlier than intended."

Hank looked up from where he was sat at the table by the window, gamely attempting to read that morning's edition of the San Francisco Chronicle. Lit as he was by the pale rays of the winter sunshine, his eyes as blue as the sea, Eloise felt her insides contract, the way they did almost every time she looked upon him now.

It had been almost a week since her parents' revelation, almost a week since she had made up her mind where her future lay, almost a week since he had touched her.

Thinking about it only served to cause an arousal within her that she had no idea how to control other than by doing her best to avoid thinking about it. Her mind insisted, however, in recreating visions of that moment, the sight of him looking up at her with desire-filled eyes, the sound of ragged breath, the sensation of skin against skin…

She knew now that moment was what it meant to truly want someone and be wanted in return. When she thought back to how she had felt when Thomas had kissed her, when he had tentatively put his hands on her, she could barely believe how differently she had felt. Nothing in the world would have entreated her to allow Thomas to do the things Hank had done to her. Nothing could have made her feel comfortable in allowing him to expose her body the way Hank had, allowing his hands and his mouth…

Alone, sometimes, she found herself wondering what might had happened next had he not taken a sudden attack of consciousness. Would he have loved her right there in her father's armchair? Would the rug by the fire have sufficed? Would they had climbed the stairs back to the bedroom and removed the barricade of pillows that physically separated them?

In any event, he had taken to sleeping on the bedroom floor. She hadn't suggested it, nor had he indicated it was what he wanted to do, but instead had simply moved himself there and she wasn't sure if it was because he didn't trust his own restraint or whether he didn't trust hers. The first night, she had been poised to say something, then had stopped herself. If they had continued to lie side by side, the temptation would likely have proven too great. Having felt what it was like to be in his arms, she craved more.

"How early ya thinkin'?" he replied, forcing her back into the moment,

"I don't know. Tomorrow? The day after? There seems little point in staying here when there's so much else to consider, so much to do."

"But ya ain't told yer folks yer plans yet."

"No, but I need to. I should tell them today. Now, even."

In the days that had passed, a fake normalcy had settled over the house, no-one speaking of or alluding to the elephant in the room. It had been the strangest of Thanksgivings, marred particularly by the thought that it may be the last one her father would ever see.

Though Hank knew of the decision she had made, she had yet to impart it to her parents and she was conscious they would be wondering what her thoughts on the matter were. Her father's health had peaked and dipped over the course of the last few days and though he seemed resigned to the prognosis that had been given, she couldn't help but wonder if there might not be some hope. Perhaps if she was back home with him, she might be able to encourage him to seek a second opinion.

"Sure this is what ya wanna do?"

She met his gaze again, her brain battling furiously with her heart. Did he think that she hadn't thought about little else over the last few days? Considered from every angle if the decision she had made was the right one? She wanted him to say that he loved her, wanted him to ask her to stay with him, and yet she knew he never would, not when he still loved Myra, and nor did she wish to compete with the other woman for his affections.

She couldn't stay in Colorado Springs knowing there was no future for them. This was the only option, the best option.

"Yes," she replied firmly.

He paused. "Want me to be there when ya tell yer folks?"

"Yes, I suppose so. After all, they need to think that we're both planning on coming to stay here."

He sighed and closed over the paper. "Maybe it'd be better to just tell 'em the truth about us now and git it over with. If ya want, I could even go back to town on my own, send ya on all yer stuff."

"No," she said hurriedly. "No, I want to go back to town with you. I want to say goodbye to people and…" she trailed off, unsure how to explain what it would mean to her to gaze on the landscape one last time. "I'd also rather tell them the truth about us once I get back here. I'm not sure how they're going to react and, well, I'd prefer that you didn't get caught in any crossfire."

"Ain't gotta protect me, Ellie."

"I know that, but…please?"

"Whatever ya want."

Whatever I want.

Could he possibly have any notion as to what she wanted? Even if there was no long-term future for them, did he recognise that she wanted more than anything in that very moment for him to take her in his arms again and love her on the polished mahogany table in front of him? Feeling her cheeks burn at her wanton thoughts, she turned away for the door.

"Ya doin' it now?" he asked, rising to his feet.

"I suppose there's no time like the present. We're all rattling around together in this house with so many things unsaid. Perhaps it best to clear the air." Moving out into the corridor, she made her way to the sitting room where, upon pushing open the door, she found her father sat by the fire.

He looked up and smiled at her, "Hello Lou. I thought you and Hank had gone out for the day."

"No, we're here…where's Mother?"

"I'm here," Flora said, coming through the door behind her carrying a vase of fresh flowers and glancing at her daughter and son-in-law in turn. "Is everything alright? You both look rather serious."

"I need to speak with both of you," Eloise said, moving over to the fireplace and standing in front of it. "Hank and I have spoken and…made a decision."

"A decision?" Flora asked, setting the vase down by the window.

"Yes. I…that is to say, we've…decided that we'll come back here, to San Francisco, to live and…and I will take over the business as you suggested." Flora's face lit up. "You can instruct your lawyer to implement the buy-back clause and well…"

"Oh Lou, I'm so pleased!" Her mother hurried forward to embrace her. "To have you back with us again is all we could have ever hoped for! And you are the perfect person to take the business forwards! As I said before, we've always known how talented you are and with your father's guidance there is absolutely no reason why you couldn't continue to make the business as successful as he has."

"Yes, well I did want to ask something about that."

"What?"

"Well, earlier this year, when I was set to marry Thomas, you told me that the business was in financial difficulties. That marriage to Thomas would secure much needed investment and I suppose what I want to know is, has anything changed in that respect?"

"Well, there will be much to discuss about the financial side of the business," Alexander said quickly. "Times and tastes are changing Lou but having someone as young and vibrant as you at the helm will do wonders, I'm sure."

Flora turned suddenly to Hank, as though only just remembering that he was there. "Hank…in all this excitement I quite forgot to ask. What will you do with the saloon?"

"Uh…I can sell it," he replied. "Plenty of folks out that way lookin' for opportunity and it's a profitable business. Shouldn't be a problem. And I'm sure I can find somethin' to do here. Maybes even learn tailorin' myself."

"What an intriguing idea," Flora nodded. "You take no issue with Eloise working then?"

"No," he said, meeting his wife's gaze. "Not if it makes her happy."

Happy.

She wasn't even sure if she knew the meaning of the word anymore.

"Well, this is all just wonderful!" Flora clapped her hands. "And we must celebrate somehow. Alexander, darling, do you feel up to dining out this evening?"

"I'm sure I could muster the strength for at least one course," he replied with a smile.

"Excellent. After all, there's only another week before…"

"That was the other thing I wanted to discuss with you," Eloise interrupted. "There's a lot to organise back in Colorado Springs. I have a healthy business of my own there to consider and, well, Hank has the saloon so…we thought that it would better if we head back there sooner rather than later, to give us more time."

"Of course, that sounds sensible. When were you thinking about leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Flora frowned, "but that's so sudden, Lou. You'll have been travelling longer than you've been here."

"I'm aware of that, Mother, but, as I said, there's much to do. And there are people that I would like to say goodbye to. I…believe it would make sense for me to try and return here before Christmas."

"Of course," her mother's expression cleared. "I can understand that perfectly. Well, tonight we must celebrate then. I will contact the lawyer first thing in the morning and get the legal matters underway. Oh Lou…" she stepped forwards and embraced her again. "This is the best news you could have given us. I'm so pleased, and I know that you'll both be very happy here."

"Yes," she agreed, looking at Hank over her mother's shoulder. "I'm sure we will."

XXXX

Down by the harbour, the wind was biting, much more so than it was in the city streets. He was glad that he had wrapped up warmly for the trip, but though he could admire the vastness of the ocean, it compared little to the rugged landscape of the Colorado hills.

With plans hastily made to travel eastwards the following morning, Eloise had suggested that they take the planned trip that afternoon before dinner, ignoring her mother's comment that, once they lived there, they could visit it any time they wanted. The surrey ride had been undertaken in silence, but faced with the cold air, she had sat closer to him than he otherwise might have expected, her body pressed against his, warm even through layers of heavy fabric.

"We always used to come down here in the summer, when the wind's warm and the ice cream sellers are plying their trade, and you can barely move because everyone in the city has had the same idea that day." She gazed out across the water. "You would never really come to live here, would you?"

He froze at her words, at the question laid out so starkly. On the one hand, the answer was obvious. Yes, he would. He'd never really had roots, not proper ones. Leaving Colorado Springs would just be one more move along the road of life. And if it meant he could be with her, he would do anything. But he was also wise enough to realise that although she had adapted to life on the frontier with more ease than he had ever expected, he would never be able to adapt to life in the city and remain true to the very essence of his nature. Respectability for Hank Lawson had long ago been shed and a life with her in San Francisco would demand it.

"Ain't really my kinda town," he replied finally.

"No, I suppose not. You'd miss the wide-open space, the air, the nature…"

"Ain't never really given much credence to nature, but I know what ya mean. Figure I'd be kinda lost in a place like this. Ain't like ya. Ain't able to adapt the way ya've bin able to."

"I've surprised myself at times."

"Should make sure ya keep up with the ridin'. Gotta be some call fer it round here somewhere. Maybes not so much the shootin'."

"Well, if I ever feel the need to shoot some tin cans, I'll know where to find you."

"Yeah," he replied softly. "I'll be there."

She met his gaze with a wistful smile, and he found himself physically having to take the smallest step away from her. The memory of that night was burned so vividly into his brain that at times it was all he could think about. Every time he looked at her, he saw her astride him, hair wild, cheeks coloured, body heaving…he would shake his head and wonder how on earth he had been able to stop himself from claiming her. Even were her mother to have walked in on them at the most intimate moment, they were legally married, and she would have had no cause for complaint. But though he could picture Eloise's desire-laden eyes in his mind, he could also see guilt-filled ones after the act itself when she would have realised what she had done, what she had given away. If he were the kind of man that she could profess love to and want to marry properly, then things would have been very different, but as they stood…

"Perhaps we should head back before we freeze," she said, breaking into his thoughts and sliding her hand through his arm as they made their way back towards the surrey. "Do you think you would come and visit me?"

He paused once again, his brain racing for the right answer, "Kinda figured ya wouldn't want me to."

"Why not?"

"Ya'll have yer whole new life here. Wouldn't wanna be gettin' in the way."

"Hardly a new life, more just an adjustment to the old one, and you would never get in the way."

"Yeah well…" he deflected, "can see how things turn out. Ya might wanna come visit me. Bring yer husband and yer kids." She said nothing, and when he glanced at her, saw that her expression was drawn. "If ya decide that's what ya want, of course."

"Yes, of course. Perhaps no-one will have me after the scandal over my broken engagement to Thomas. In any event, I'll probably be far too consumed with work to consider anything else."

There were so many things that he wanted to say, but he chose to remain silent, merely helping her into the surrey and sitting close to her once again as they headed back to the house. Once inside, she disappeared and he found himself wandering from room to room, once again taking in the vastness of her home.

As he opened the door to the sitting room, he found Flora sat at the table by the window and he paused. "Sorry, didn't mean to disturb ya."

"No, not at all, please come in," she said warmly. "I was just catching on some correspondence. I've let it all accumulate of late so I'm many weeks behind." She smiled up at him as he approached the table. "Would you like some tea? I can ring for Mrs Gordon."

"No, I'm fine, thank you."

"How was your outing?" she asked, gesturing for him to sit. "Was the sea what you imagined?"

"S'pose so. Guess one lot of water looks a lot like another."

"Yes, I suppose so." She paused and then looked at him carefully. "It'll be quite an adjustment for you, moving to the city." He nodded. "You obviously love my daughter very much to make the sacrifice."

"Yeah…sure…"

"I must confess, when we first met all those months ago in Colorado Springs, I wasn't sure what to make of you. I suppose it won't come as a surprise to you to learn that you weren't exactly what I had envisioned for Eloise."

"No, guess not."

"Alexander and I were very young when we met, and we fell instantly in love. It was as though it had always been predestined." She smiled at the memory. "Our parents weren't happy about it. Not because they didn't think us suitable for one another, but rather because of our age. They feared that we knew nothing about the workings of the world, and they were right. Alexander was apprenticing with his father in the business at that point but was no way ready to support a family financially. They tried to stop us getting married, but we were insistent and, I can honestly say without fear of contradiction that it was the best decision I ever made."

"Even now?" he heard himself ask. "With yer husband, I mean…"

"Even now," she nodded. "As you'll know, wedding vows include being there for the other person in sickness and in health. I took my vows to Alexander very seriously, and I intend to fulfil them." She paused. "I tell you this because, when I look at you and Eloise, I see something very similar. You're both obviously some years older than we were, but I can tell by the way you look at one another that your affections are the same. So, whilst I might have had some reservations as to the swiftness of your union and your different standings in life, it makes me happy to know that my daughter is so loved, and that you're willing to come all this way, give up everything you've ever known, for her."

He felt a slight panic sweep over him at her words, at how wrongly…or how correctly…she had judged the situation.

"I've worried about her in the past, at the fact that there was little sign of male attention for many years before Thomas came along. I told myself that it seemingly wasn't important to her, that she was consumed by her millinery and that when the right man came along, it would all fall into place. I thought that man was Thomas but, I can admit that I was wrong." She reached across the table and squeezed his hand gently. "I'm sure you've both made the right decision. Now, I must finish up here before we head out to dine or I never will."

Mechanically, he rose from his seat and made his way out of the room, his head spinning. He'd never considered himself to be of high intellect, but there had been something in what Flora Ward had said that sent a prickle down his spine.