Edited. Originally published on TPP under my old pseud, MuseAmusant.
Bonding Agents
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain
Draco petulantly kicked at an innocent clod of dirt, oblivious to the spectacular scenery around him and scowling as only a truly miffed Slytherin can scowl.
'Remind me again, Weasel King, exactly why we are out here in the middle of Merlin-forsaken nowhere without any way to get A DECENT CUP OF COFFEE!'
'Oh, sod off, Ferret,' snapped Ron. 'You know perfectly well that we went out here camping for some 'good old-fashioned male bonding'. Because unless we can find a way to 'co-exist semi-peacefully'...'
Draco snorted rudely.
'Let me put this another way,' snarled Ron, his temper flaring. 'If we can't manage to find a way to not kill each other for a few blissful hours or so, you and I will be officially banned from our own children's wedding! And I fully intend to be there for my Rosie's big day, even if she's marrying your little wanker of a son!'
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'MY LITTLE WANKER OF A SON'?!' Draco bellowed, his pale face flushing red with incipient fury.
'Well, the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Ferret-Face,' Ron shot back snidely.
'Oh, now that's it,' growled Draco, shoving Ron hard and sending the gangly redhead sprawling to the ground.
Ron immediately grabbed at Draco's ankles, and in mere seconds the two wizards were kicking, punching, and pulling at each other's hair like a pair of brawling Hogwarts firsties.
Springing apart after several minutes of scuffling, both wizards yanked out their wands and shouted, 'REPELLO!"
An instant later, Ron and Draco discovered, much to their mutual horror, that that particular spell, shouted simultaneously, produced the exact opposite effect and that their persons were now stuck together quite firmly... and in a highly compromising position.
Two days later, several search parties descended upon the area where Ron and Draco had intended to set up camp.
By the time they were found by Ron's wife, Hermione Granger-Weasley, and Draco's godfather, Severus Snape, the former Ferret and Weasel had seemingly resolved their differences.
And how.
After the two red-faced wizards were freed and made presentable, Hermione and Severus, by mutual agreement, performed a partial Obliviate on each other. Neither had any desire to retain the memory of what they had witnessed upon arrival.
A few weeks later, Ron and Draco and Severus and Hermione attended the wedding of Scorpius Antonius Malfoy and Rose Guinevere Weasley as new, loving couples.
And they all lived happily-ever-after.
Finis
Prompt from ApollinaV: Male bonding is an odd thing. Some guys shoot at things, some get drunk, or go to sweat lodges, commune with nature, or do Primal-Scream therapy. Write about a male bonding experience HP-style. Characters of your choosing.