I, Brobot

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 2: From the Earth to the Moon to the Earth

Carl let out a long, anguished groan. "I don't feel so well."

Sheen, who had somehow managed to flop out while strapped into a padded chair next to him, simple nodded. "I feel your pain, brother," was all he could answer.

"Why didn't we learn from the first time we had one of those?" Carl moaned. "I don't want to eat anything ever again."

"Cheer up, Carl." Sheen succeeded in keeping down some of the Atomic Chocoblast that attempted to make a sudden reappearance. "In a few days, when we feel better, we'll look back on this and remember it as the second happiest day of our lives."

Mild curiousity stirred Carl out of his stupor. "What will be the happiest day?"

"A few days from now," answered Sheen in a weak voice, "when we feel better." He moaned and added, "I hope we get there soon. It seems like we've been travelling for years."

In one of the seats in front of Carl and Sheen, Blix rolled his eyes and muttered something irritable in German. He moved a finger over a large red button and addressed Eustace. "Permission to eject the ballast, Mein Herr?"

"Ixnay, Ixblay," Eustace replied from the command chair next to Blix. "We need them to make contact with Brobot and his family. Until then, we're all one big happy family ourselves." He studied the control console in front of him and squinted at the rugged disk that loomed on the screen before him. "How much longer until we reach lunar orbit?"

"We should be entering lunar insertion in just a moment." At the critical moment Blix touched several controls on the panel and everyone suddenly felt much lighter. "I've shut down our propulsion and we are in orbit," he announced. "Once we locate the landing site we can descend."

Free of the gravity that the propulsion had provided Sheen and Carl felt much better. "Oh, man," Sheen sighed. "Weightless is the only way to go when you've eaten fifteen pounds of ice cream and toppings."

Carl nodded in agreement. "You said it."

"Yes, well, don't move around too much," Eustace cautioned. "Weightlessness tends to do things with one's digestive system. If you feel nauseous, use the bags back there."

"Nauseated," Blix chimed in.

"What?"

"The correct word is 'nauseated'," the manservant explained. "'Nauseous' applies to things that promote nausea, not to someone who experiences it."

Eustace glanced back at Sheen and Carl and shrugged. "What's your point?" In a louder tone he continued, "Do you still have a lock on the carrier frequency we picked up when we left the geosynchronous region?"

Blix nodded. "Jawohl, mein Herr. It appears to be coming from the edge of the Mare Nubium."

"Ah!" Sheen said. "The Mare Nubium!" Then, after a pause, "I don't get it."

"It means," Blix replied, somewhat irritated, "the Sea of Clouds."

"Ah!" said Sheen again. "The Sea of Clouds!" Then, after another pause, "I don't get it."

Carl shook his head in bewilderment. "Neither do I. We never saw clouds on the moon. Or seas."

Imbeciles, Eustace thought, but all he said was, "It's just a name that astonomers gave it. Because parts of the moon are dark and flat they thought that they were seas." He stared intently at a magnified image of the surface below passing across a viewscreen, thinking, If I could count on this Brobot to cooperate after I got back to Earth I could leave them behind.

"I see them! I see them!" Carl shrieked.

Sheen stared in disbelief. "Clouds? Or seas?"

Carl shook his head. "No. Brobot and his parents." He pointed to something down below in excitement. "There they are!"

Just as much in disbelief Eustace and Blix vainly consulted the viewscreen for confirmation and then looked in the direction Carl was pointing. After a few seconds Eustace spotted a glint of light reflecting off something. "Blix?"

Blix touched some controls, centering the region of interest on the viewscreen and increasing the magnification. There, small but distinct, were three metallic figures off of which the dazzling sunlight occasional flashed. "It appears we have found them," commented Blix.

Eustace smiled and tapped the tips of his fingers together with a throaty purr of satisfaction. "Excellent. Prepare for landing." Sheen, Carl, and Blix leaned back into the acceleration seats and waited expectantly. After a long moment Blix turned to see Eustace glaring at him. "And then, actually land us!" the boy snapped.

"Oh. Yes, of course. Sofort, mein Herr." The man's fingers flew over the control panels and there was a small jolt as thrusters nudged the ship out of the parking orbit towards the surface. Fortunately the landing area was smooth and flat, aside from a few scattered boulders, allowing Blix to pilot and land the vessel without problem. The ship's jointed tripodal landing gear settled several inches into the dust-covered surface, and then the elliptoid body lowered slowly to the ground as the legs flexed, giving the impression of a misshapen chicken roosting on its nest. "The Regal has landed, Mein Herr," Blix announced. "Enviromental field generators fully operational."

"Very good." Eustance pressed a button and the transparent hatch lifted up and away, accompaned by a slight hiss as pressures equalized. He unstrapped himself from his chair and motioned the others to do the same. "Let's go. Sheen and…um…um…"

"'The other one'," Blix reminded him helpfully.

"Yes, whatever. They can go ahead of us and prepare to introduce us to Brobot and his family. After all, a friend of a friend and all that."

Sheen stretched, getting the kinks out of his arms and legs. "Yeah, okay. Ready, Carl."

Carl nodded "I guess. But can I use the bathroom again before we go?"

Eustace appeared annoyed. "Well, it's a little late for that. Earth is 4 hours away, so you'll just have to hold it." The annoyed expression melted into part disbelief and part revulsion as the full meaning of Carl's question sank in. "You don't mean…you didn't…the only other compartment this ship has is a supplies locker!"

"It doesn't have a bathroom," Blix affirmed.

Carl looked guilty. "Well, it kind of does now."

Eustace spluttered in impotent rage and Sheen recognized an opportunity to escape when he saw it. He grabbed Carl by the arm and dragged him out of the ship towards Brobot's home. "Next space trip you wear Snuggies," Sheen scolded, hurrying along. Eustace and Blix followed them more slowly, Eustace gritting his teeth and muttering something unintelligible.

"They don't make them in extra-hefty," Carl protested. "I checked."

"Well, it's a good thing you never did anything like that in Jimmy's rocket. He'd never let us go anywhere else if you did."

Carl looked flustered,. "Well…actually…and a couple times in the Game Pyramid…" he stammered.

Sheen stared at Carl, shocked exasperation covering his face. "I can't take you anywhere!" he lamented.

"Hey, it was just during the scary parts!" Carl protested defensively.

"Carl, there are no scary parts in Llamapalooza III."

"Yes, there are. Like when the wind carries away Dolly Llama's lucky hat up into that tree and she might not find a ladder to get it back and…"

The two rounded a large outcropping and Sheen sighed. "Carl, sometimes I wonder why I don't hang out with anyone else that I know."

"Sheen! Carl!"

Sheen spotted Brobot, who was already whizzing towards them in excitement. "Okay, I think I just remembered." He waved back. "Hey, Bro'," he called. "How goes it on the moon?"

"Hi, Brobot," Carl greeted.

The robot pulled up short of them and whirled around them in glee, raising a cloud of dust that settled slowly in the slight lunar gravity. "Hi guys! It's been forever since I saw you. What have you been doing? Where's Jimmy? Oh, did he ever tell Cindy that he likes her? I've been learning how to juggle – did you want to see?" He held up 4 fingers. "I can keep this many rocks in the air at once. Can you? Can you tell me a story? I love stories, except the one that Sheen told me. I still never heard one about a magic pickle. Could you tell me about one tonight? Can you -"

Sheen held out an arm to stop Brobot's wild gryations. "Nothing, Earth, kind of, absolutely not, don't care, we'll see, probably not, and shut up. We brought somebody here to meet you."

"Somebody meet me?" Brobot stopped as abruptly as though he'd hit an invisible wall. "Really?"

"Yup," nodded Carl. "He wants to take you back to Earth. He thinks a lot of people would like to meet someone like you."

Although Brobot's expression never really changed, it nevertheless seemed somehow to convey a look of absolute delight. "Really?"

"That's right." Sheen stuck two fingers in mouth and blew out a thin stream of air mixed with saliva, accompanied by a sputtering noise. Carl wearily shook his head and did the same, emitting a shrill whistle. Almost immediately Eustace and Blix emerged from behind the rock that had been screening them. "Showoff," Sheen muttered.

"Well, hello, Brobot," gushed Eustace. "My name is Eustace and this is my…associate, Blix. It's so good to meet you at last."

Sheen looked puzzled. "But you only found out about him -" he began, only to be interrupted by a hard elbow in the stomach from Eustace that knocked the wind out of him.

"It is?" Brobot asked.

"Absolutely. You know, Brobot," Eustace continued, "as your friends probably told you, I can't help but feel it's a grave injustice that more people haven't been able to meet you as well." He turned to Carl and Sheen. "Don't you, agree, Sheen and – umm – " Unable to remember Carl's name, he simply pointed after a few seconds. "- you?"

Carl nodded. "Right."

Sheen, struggling to get his breath and his face slightly blue, managed a weak nod and a forced whisper. "You betcha."

"So," Eustance resumed with studied nonchalance, "would you like to come back to Earth with us and meet a lot of nice people who'd love to meet and learn all about you?"

"Really?" Brobot's voice synthesizer made a noise like a sudden intake of breath. "They would?"

Eustance bared his teeth in what could only very loosely be considered a smile. "I guarantee it."

"Oh, boy!" Brobot resumed his insane whirling about the group. "That would be swell! Can I go to a movie, too? And a carnival and go on all the rides and get sick? Do people still eat that pink stuff there that looks like roof insulation? I want to try it. Can I try it? And can I –"

This is even easier than I expected, Eustace thought with satisfaction, but all he said was, "Yes, of course. Anything your heart – or whatever it is that's inside you – wants. Shall we go?"

"You mean now?" Brobot stopped dead in his tracks again.

"Well, yes. There's no reason you can't, is there?"

"Well," the robot replied slowly, "there are my parents. I really can't go unless they say that I can." He slouched a bit, presenting an air of despondence. He then straightened up, adding brightly, "But if I go with Sheen and Carl, I know that they'd agree. And I know that they want me to visit Jimmy. And Cindy. And Libby. And all the other kids." He raced in circles around the four visitors, continuing to chatter. "How are they all? Does Cindy still smell like apples? Does Libby have a boyfriend too? Does Jimmy's mom still not like Sheen? Does –"

"Hey!" Sheen objected.

"So here's where you are," came a new voice. "We wondered where you went rushing off to."

"That we did," added another.

The group turned to see Mombot and Popbot approaching. "Hi Mombot and Popbot!" called Carl.

"Well, this is a surprise," Popbot said. "I didn't expect to see any visitors coming by. All we ever seem to get around here are micrometeoroids and the occasional space probe from Earth."

"Ah, Brobot's family," Eustace said in an unguent voice. "So very pleased to meet you. My name is Eustace Stritch and this is Blix. When Sheen and his friend told me about Brobot I was hoping to meet the whole family." He bowed and took Mombots metallic hand. "How do you do?"

"Very well, thank you," Mombot answered. "Of course, nothing much changes up here."

Popbot nodded in agreement. "That it doesn't. Two weeks of light and then two weeks of darkness is pretty much it."

"Ah." Eustace looked pleased, much like a cat about to pounce. "Perhaps I can provided some variety in your so-so existence. You see -"

Unable to contain himself Brobot interrupted. "He wants me to go to Earth with Sheen and Carl so I can see all my old friends and meet some of Eustace's friends. Can I go?" He began reacing back and forth in front of his parents, imploring, "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please…"

Carl and Sheen watched this for a minute or so before Sheen commented, "I think Brobot's stuck in a loop."

Mombot shook her head. "No, he just gets that way when he's focussed on something."

"That he does," Popbot agreed. He put out his hands, seized the vacillating robot, and held him off the ground. "Now, settle down youngster."
"Please," Brobot finished before calming himself. "Carl and Sheen and Jimmy and Cindy and Libby and Uncle Hugh and Aunt Judy will be there to make sure I'm okay." He looked hopefully at his mother and father while vocalizing a final, beseeching, "Please?"

Mombot shook her head. "I don't know. It's so far away, and it will be the first time you've really been away since we got here…"

"That it will be…" Popbot added.

"…so I'm really not comfortable with the idea." She sighed. "I know someday you'll be on your own, but for now you're still our little bot."

Brobot turned to his father "Popbot?"

Popbot took a few seconds to answer. "Your mother makes a lot of sense. I still remember the problems with the Junkman even though your friends were with you."

Eustace and Blix had been listening with rapidly diminishing patience. As Eustace's expression became more and more irritated Blix appeared to have an idea and whispered something in Eustace's ear that brought a smile, albeit a sly one, to his face. He spoke up.

"If I may," he said, turning to face Mombot and Popbot, "perhaps there's a simple solution. If you are concerned about Brobot, then why don't you come with him? There's room in the Regal and I'm sure that you can satisfy yourself that all is well during his soujourn."

Mombot considered the proposition. "Well, that is something to think about" she conceded.

"That it is," echoed Popbot.

"And it would give you a chance to so Jimmy and his parents again," added Carl. He hesitated and then said hopefully, "And maybe you could make some of your lunar pies there? Please?"

Sheen shook his head in disbelief. "You and your stomach."

Carl hung his head and fidgeted. "I can't help it. I take it everywhere."

"So, Mr. and Mrs. - er – Bot," said Eustace. "Does that sound like viable solution?"

Mombot synthesized something that sounded like a sigh. "Well, it would be nice to have a vacation away from here for a while." She came to a decision. "All right. Let's go."

Popbot nodded. "Let's."

Brobot raced about in manic excitement as Eustace and Blix smiled and rubbed their hands. "Let's, let's, let's, let's, let's…" he repeated over and over.

Eventually he calmed down and the group boarded Eustace's spacecraft to return to Earth. After a 4-hour flight, during which Mombot commented on the apalling condition of the supplie locker, they landed at the launch complex at the edge of the Stritch estate. They debarked, with Eustace and Stritch in front, Brobot's family next, Carl, and lastly Sheen, who looked around with satsifaction. "We're back, baby!"

End of Chapter 2

Author's note:

This story contains a couple inside jokes that many of you may have caught. The first was Sheen's comment about feeling as thought they'd been on the spaceship for years, which in realtime they were. The second was his exultant comment that they were back, which they are.