Una Mattina - You or Nothing

Chapter 13: Fourteen Hours

Ji Hoo's heart wrenched as he watched Woo Bin bury his face in his hands as they both sat on one of the metal seats in the airport lobby. There were a few people who recognized them, but as soon as they made the move to approach––either to take a photo or talk with them––Ji Hoo immediately waved them off with a menacing glare.

It was the first time that he had seen Woo Bin in such a tormented state. He was always the happy-go-lucky one in the group, the one who cheered for everyone else. It made Ji Hoo regret how he had belittled the man's feelings for Ha Neul.

Ji Hoo wasn't the only one worried sick about her. He had been selfish and blind.

Ms. Park had boarded the plane to Richmond, Virginia two hours ago, the clerk had said. There wasn't another flight, private jet or not, to anywhere near the area for at least ten hours.

"Everyone's looking for her," Ji Hoo said, placing a hand on Woo Bin's shaking shoulder. "We'll find her."

"He's had her for eight hours now," Woo Bin said, his voice slightly muffled against his hands. "And now, for another fourteen hours. We can't get to another plane for another ten hours for a fourteen-hour flight, which makes––"

"Yi Jeong's already contacted Jun Pyo in the States," Ji Hoo said smoothly. "Maybe he can pull something at the airport to make sure they don't get past the gates."

Woo Bin put his hands down on his lap and turned to him. "Tell me, honestly, are you not worried about this at all? The fucker made it this far."

"Of course, I'm worried." Ji Hoo ground his teeth together, looking up at the bright, white ceiling. "But I guess one of us needs to be the optimist or we'll both go insane."

Woo Bin released a frenzied chuckle. "Fuck, that's hilarious. I can't believe you would ever be more optimistic than me in anything." He sighed and looked up, mimicking Ji Hoo's position. "Too late, though. I've already gone insane."

"I've never seen you like this. You care so much about her."

"Yeah. And you doubted me."

"That was my mistake." Ji Hoo closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Woo Bin. For everything."

A long pause. "Did you settle things with Jan Di?"

Ji Hoo surprised himself by laughing for the first time that night. "Yeah. But that shit seems so petty next to this."

"Humor me," Woo Bin sighed, propping his arm over his forehead.

Ji Hoo chuckled again before sharing the memory.

"Tell me, which do you choose?" he asked her, his hands still fixed on Jan Di's shoulders.

Jan Di alternated looking between his two eyes, blinking her tears away. Slowly, her hand reached up to his hair, gently combing the strands above his forehead. "I love you, too, Ji Hoo. Deep down, I always will."

He closed his eyes, focusing on her gentle touch.

"I'm so tempted to be selfish," Jan Di said with a melancholy chuckle. "But that's what I've been doing for the past several years, isn't it? I've kept you by my side selfishly, because I was greedy and stupid. I still am."

She pushed him slowly away before speaking again. He opened his eyes this time.

"I know I'll regret this forever," she said, crying again. "Nevertheless, you have to let me go. I will never bother you again, even as friends. From now on, I want you to stop thinking about me. But…"

"But?"

"This is still the selfish part of me talking," she said sadly, "but I want, at the very least, for you to stop hating me one day. It's a bit shameless to ask, isn't it?"

Ji Hoo looked down at her bare feet. They were painted––most likely by herself––a childish hot pink, which made him smile softly. Her decision…it didn't hurt this time. In fact, it made him feel relieved, like he was finally being freed. "One day. Maybe."

"Then that's all I ask," Jan Di said finally. "Can I ask one last thing before you go?"

Ji Hoo looked up at her curiously.

"Do you still believe I'm your soulmate?"

It took him a long while to form an honest answer to that. He recalled Ha Neul's words.

I used to believe such a thing doesn't exist but seeing Yi Jeong and Ga Eul…I'm glad someone like you found it, too. You deserve it.

"Yes," he decided. "Once upon a time, you were. And I'm eternally grateful I found you. But I suppose even time could change our souls forever. We were just one of the ill-fated ones to be targeted by it."

She seemed satisfied with his response. She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her tears and running nose. "You're right as always. Thank you for being mine, Ji Hoo, at least once upon a time."

Woo Bin burst into genuine laughter, momentarily forgetting the heaviness in his chest. "Once upon a time," he repeated in a mocking tone between bursts of laughter. "What, are you in a fucking fairytale or something? It makes me sick."

Ji Hoo rolled his eyes but was covertly glad that he made his friend laugh genuinely that night. "More like a tragedy, I suppose."

"And how do you feel about it?" Woo Bin asked when he finally settled down.

"Honestly? Free. Like I'm no longer constrained in my chest, and I can finally breathe properly. It was exactly the closure I needed to shut down that door." Looking at Woo Bin, he said, "Thank you for pushing me to do it."

"You can be really cheesy, man, you know that?" Then, a little more seriously this time, he asked, "You're a good person, Ji Hoo. I am sorry I called you all sorts of things. It's just––I don't want anyone to come between us."

Ji Hoo sat up properly in his seat before pulling and folding his legs up, wrapping his arms around them. "Do you want to know how I truly feel about Ha Neul?"

Woo Bin was silent––it was like he'd even held his breath.

Ji Hoo's initial impulse was to be truly honest. I do care for her in a way, just like you do. I've never thought of anyone this way since Jan Di several years ago. I, too, want a shot with her, once everything is over. But seeing the way Woo Bin steeled himself for his response, it made him think twice. Was this really something needed to be said in this trying moment?

He sighed. "You were right."

"About what?"

"You said I was confused," Ji Hoo said as smoothly as he could. "Jan Di's presence, all that love mixed with hate…With Ha Neul in such close proximity, I might've projected my feelings to feel something, anything else. It was wrong for me to do so."

When he turned to his direction, Woo Bin was staring at him with an imperturbable look. It made Ji Hoo instinctively look to his knees guiltily.

"What would you tell Ha Neul once all this is over?" Ji Hoo asked, trying to shift the subject.

It was Woo Bin's turn to look down on the ground. "I want to save her first."

"We will," Ji Hoo assured him. "But it's easier to keep your head up if you imagine seeing her again. Tell me, what would you say?"

Woo Bin sighed, looking like he was thinking about it deeply. "I want to tell her…that everything's going to be alright. She's probably going to be all shaken up by then––knowing that stubborn brat, she's going to blame herself for it all. God, it makes me so pissed off just thinking about it! I want…I want to tell her that none of this is her fault. Now that we know everything, I can truly lo––care for her properly, the way she's always deserved.

"I want to tell her that she's the first and only person who's ever made me feel this way," he continued, his voice cracking. "And I'll do anything to repay that."

Ji Hoo watched as a silent tear fell down Woo Bin's cheek. He didn't bother wiping it off.

As he'd foreseen, Ji Hoo had made the correct decision, holding himself back. It was the right thing to do.

It took a while for Yi Jeong to find them. Two of his closest friends were fast asleep on the uncomfortable metal chairs of the main airport lobby, lumped together in a rather awkward and cramped position. If this was any other situation, he would've pulled his phone out and took a photo of them for future (friendly, of course) blackmail material.

This was, however, not the right time. As soon as he caught his breath––he had been running around like a maniac in the airport looking for these idiots for the past ten minutes, since they weren't picking up their phones––he flicked each of their foreheads to wake them up.

It took Ji Hoo at least four flicks before he fully opened his eyes.

"Wake up, sleeping beauties," Yi Jeong said. "Your savior is here."

As soon as Woo Bin registered where they were, he sat up––which most likely caused him a headache––and pulled out his phone to check the time. "It's only been three hours?"

Ji Hoo rubbed the spot where Yi Jeong had flicked him. "What do you mean, savior?" he asked groggily.

Yi Jeong looked immensely proud of himself. "I told you, I've been pulling a few strings. Seoul's retired Casanova still has his skills, after all. Follow me."

He dragged the two men to their feet and led them to one of the bays for private jets.

"I thought jets aren't allowed to fly for at least seven more hours," Woo Bin said as they walked down a narrow hall.

Yi Jeong chuckled. "Are you seriously trying to complain right now?"

He eventually led them outside. Yi Jeong heard his friends gasp in surprise at the sleek white private jet––not because of the jet per se, but the familiar man who was waiting on the airstairs.

"This brings back some memories," Gu Jun Pyo said in his usual haughty, sarcastic tone.

"I thought you said you used your Casanova skills," Woo Bin remarked as he sat down across from Yi Jeong in the cozy, beige cabin.

Yi Jeong smirked at him, nodding his head towards Jun Pyo next to him. "I did. I seduced the great Gu Jun Pyo."

"You––Don't fucking use the word 'seduce' and my name in the same sentence!" Jun Pyo cried, shoving a throw pillow in Yi Jeong's face.

"How did you even get here?" Woo Bin asked in amazement. "Didn't you come from the US?"

"Nope, you guys caught me at exactly the right time," Jun Pyo said. "I just came from a late-night meeting in Beijing. I was about to head to bed after a long day when my secretary called, saying that this idiot––" he pointed to Yi Jeong's cocky face "––has been leaving a million SOS messages. As soon as I was briefed about the situation, I came straight here. I also talked––well, lied to some contacts from the airport to let us fly ASAP. Pretty sure I just caused the delay of about twenty flights."

"Well, it is an emergency to me," Woo Bin said a bit more solemnly now. "Thank you, Jun Pyo. You really came through this time."

Jun Pyo turned his head towards the man across from him, who had been mute since boarding the plane. "You. Don't you have anything to say to me? Not even a hello?"

Immediately, the cabin felt a bit too cramped with tension. Ji Hoo sat motionless with his legs crossed, his expression aloof. "Hello," he decided to say.

Woo Bin turned to Yi Jeong, who was already looking at him knowingly, biting his lip.

Jun Pyo leaned back in his seat, his eyes still fixed on Ji Hoo. "Is it true then?"

"What is?"

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you," Jun Pyo spat. "Jan Di sought you out, didn't she?"

Woo Bin cleared his throat. "Jun––"

He was, however, cut off when the F4's infamous leader raised his hand. "I'm sure he's man enough to speak up for himself."

Ji Hoo didn't look fazed or intimidated at all, but then again, he was always good at keeping up a façade. "She did."

To everyone's surprise, Jun Pyo let out a short breath that sounded like a chuckle. "Some things never change, do they?"

The auburn-haired man cracked a small smile but said nothing.

"We've always wanted to know, Jun Pyo, about what's going on," Yi Jeong said slowly. "We just thought you'd tell us when you're ready to talk about it."

Shinhwa's heir––and now company head––leaned his head lazily on his propped arm. "Well, it's a fourteen-hour flight to Virginia, isn't it? Now's good a time as any. What do you want to know?"

"Has there been issues this whole time?" Woo Bin asked.

"What kind of question is that?" Jun Pyo scoffed. "Of course, there's always been issues. You remember high school just as well as I do."

Woo Bin rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

Jun Pyo shook his head slowly, turning solemn. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I thought it would change, once we got married. It was the happiest day of my life. I was with the woman of my dreams. But I guess that perception made me blind to everything else.

"It started with the small things. We started living together for the first time, just the two of us. She didn't want for us to hire any help––of course, wanting to please her, I obliged. But you know me, with my upbringing…I'm not used to doing all these chores and maintaining the house. Tie that in with my busy schedule, I barely had time to rest.

"So, yes, maybe I slipped up a few times, and she wordlessly took it upon herself to do my tasks. I thought she was being kind, but apparently, she held a grudge against me the whole time. One day, she just snapped. Told me I treated her like some common housewife, like she was beneath me. Which is just plain stupid, don't you think?"

"Did you actually say that to her?" Yi Jeong asked, narrowing his eyes. "That it was…'plain stupid'?"

"Of course I did," Jun Pyo replied with a huff.

Yi Jeong rubbed his temple. "Sorry, I'm having a headache. Anyway, go on."

"I said it was stupid. I've always respected her. On top of everything, she was a practicing doctor with eighteen-hour shifts, just like I do. In the end, we always ended up tired after each day. I begged her to compromise, to at least hire a single maid. She wouldn't budge. We fought over it a million times, but nothing ever changed. So we just went on, begrudgingly doing our chores, and keeping our mouths shut when we have to step in for the other.

"That's a proper segue, of course, to another major problem. We had no time for each other––eighteen-hour shifts, like I said. But me…Of course, I can be more flexible with my time, which I thought was a good thing for us. So I would always schedule my work around hers, so that after her shift, we get to hang out before going to bed. It worked for a while, but eventually, she was just too tired to do anything else after work. So I settled for the weekends––again, that worked for a while, but soon after, she just wanted her weekends to be for herself. Self-care, or whatever these women call it.

"My therapist told me to tell her how I felt, and so I did. I told her it felt…unfair, since I was the only one trying to make time for her. Whenever I told that to her, we'd work on it, but eventually cycle back to it soon after. It's just––never ending. The fatigue never ceased."

Woo Bin couldn't help but feel pity as Jun Pyo took a break from his rant, drinking shakily from the complimentary water bottle in his seat.

"And finally, probably the biggest problem of them all," Jun Pyo sighed, wiping the side of his mouth with the sleeve of his black coat. "Family. Mind you, Mother has been more amicable with her during our marriage. The old crone is actually trying. But now that she's a mother-in-law, she occasionally…puts the pressure on her. As most mother-in-laws probably do."

"About what?" Yi Jeong asked.

"Having kids," Jun Pyo said without hesitation.

Even Ji Hoo, who everyone else thought wasn't really listening, choked on the soda he'd been drinking.

"Why are you all acting like children?" Jun Pyo exclaimed, pointing accusingly at each of his friends. "I'm married––well, I suppose not for long––and soon, I'll be in my thirties!"

"That's our bad," Yi Jeong said, raising his hands as if in surrender. "It's just…You with kids, it still sounds a bit absurd."

That earned him a slap to the back of the head from Jun Pyo. "I'm being serious! I want kids, I've been explicit about that with Jan Di way before we got married. Back then, she was enthusiastic about it. But…once she got her internship, she always put it off. Said we weren't ready, but also wouldn't give me a direct answer when I ask when we would be. Eventually, Mother brings it up every time we get together."

Jun Pyo let out an exasperated sigh before continuing. "And she snaps at me, telling me I'm not supporting her enough in front of my mother. How am I supposed to do that, when in this once-in-a-blue-moon situation, I actually side with the old crone? Haven't I supported her enough in everything else?"

For the first time during his rant, Ji Hoo spoke up. "Is it a dealbreaker for you? If she doesn't want kids?"

Jun Pyo thought about that, pinching the top of his sharp nose-bridge as he did. "Well, you know me. I'm always willing to wait. But if it never happens…I would feel betrayed."

There was a dismal silence in the cabin for a whole minute as everyone processed Jun Pyo's side of the story.

"Hopeless, isn't it?" Jun Pyo whined eventually, looking out the jet's window.

"That's up to you," Yi Jeong sighed. "If both of you are willing to fight for it, you can get through anything."

"Look at you, acting like a wise love guru just because you're all starry-eyed with Ga Eul," Jun Pyo teased. "I'm warning you, man, marriage is different. Not that I'm hoping for you'll fail at it, of course."

"M-Marriage?" Yi Jeong stammered, his cheeks turning red slightly. He even loosened his collar in nervousness. "Well, I think we're still far from that."

Woo Bin let out a burst of laughter. "I think I do see a hint of Seoul's Casanova still lingering in you. You're still allergic to the word."

"Why are we even talking about me? We were talking about Jun Pyo just now!"

"So will you do it?" Ji Hoo asked, facing Jun Pyo. "Sign the divorce papers?"

Jun Pyo narrowed his eyes. "Why? Is that what you're hoping for? Are you going to swoop in to save her again?"

Woo Bin couldn't help but try to intervene again. "Come on, bro. That's not what he meant."

"I really want it to come from you," Jun Pyo said, still looking straight at his auburn-haired friend. "Tell me what it is she asked from you. If you lie to me, I'll know."

Woo Bin turned to Ji Hoo, making a face to encourage him to just spit it out. He was ready to hold Jun Pyo down if he had to.

The latter sighed, uncrossing his arms. "The truth?"

Jun Pyo groaned impatiently at his stalling. "Just give it to me straight."

"The only truth that matters is that I've let her go," Ji Hoo said.

"You've…let her go?"

Ji Hoo nodded once. "Jan Di and I came to the agreement to part ways for good. That includes cutting our friendship. The last time we spoke was for closure, and I'm never going to reach out to her again."

Jun Pyo narrowed his eyes in disbelief, but deep down, he must know Ji Hoo was sincere.

"That's why I asked you if you'll sign the divorce papers," Ji Hoo continued, crossing his arms again. "Because if you do…There's no reason for any of us to maintain contact with Geum Jan Di at all anymore. She's on her own."

Jun Pyo looked like he'd just taken a punch to the face. He turned to look out the window with a bewildered, yet also wistful expression. "That's funny. I never thought of the possibility that you'd cease being there for her. In the back of my mind, I thought that even if we did separate, I could still keep tabs on her because…"

Ji Hoo stared at him blankly, not saying a word.

"I suppose that makes me the more terrible friend between us, Ji Hoo," Jun Pyo sighed, looking back at him with a sad smile. "I've always hated you for making me live in your shadow, for her probably regretting to not choosing you, and yet––I still always counted on you to cover for me whenever I know I'll fail."

For some reason, this conversation made Woo Bin reevaluate Ji Hoo's stand when it came to Ha Neul, too. Had he been telling the truth when he said his feelings for her weren't real? Or was he stepping back like he'd constantly done for Jun Pyo and Jan Di?

"It's more to think about isn't it?" Ji Hoo said, and for a second, Woo Bin thought he'd been reading his mind.

Jun Pyo chuckled. "Yeah. Definitely."

A few hours later, nearly everyone was six bottles deep in alcohol. The odd one out was Ji Hoo, as usual, who seemed to be peacefully napping with a pair of headphones on his ears.

"I'm––I'm actually confused," Jun Pyo drawled. Apparently, his tolerance was still the weakest among the four of them. "Whose girlfriend are we hunting down again? Is it…yours?" He raised a wobbly finger in Woo Bin's direction. "Or his?" His finger moved towards his front, where Ji Hoo had his eyes closed.

"Erm…" Woo Bin began. "She's no one's girlfriend."

"What?" Jun Pyo looked like a petulant child. "Why the fuck did I delay all those flights then? Who the hell is this woman?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that," Yi Jeong said, looking immensely amused at Jun Pyo's drunken state. He, too, looked a bit tipsy, though. "Woo Bin's in love with her."

"What?" Woo Bin cried as his friend sniggered. "Don't throw that word around."

"In love?" Jun Pyo repeated. "Song Woo Bin? The apocalypse must be starting."

Okay, that might have offended him. "Hey, wait. Why would it cause the apocalypse if I––hypothetically––fell in love with someone?"

Jun Pyo took a long swig of his drink before responding. "Because you're you. Prince Song. Don Juan, et cetera et cetera."

Because it's you, he suddenly remembered her saying, so long ago. Everything's just simple and uncomplicated with you. No pressure or expectations. That's all I want.

Even if it was just in his memory, thinking about it made him realize how much he already sorely missed her voice.

"Is she pretty?" Jun Pyo asked, his words meshing together.

Woo Bin smiled. He remembered the first time he laid his eyes on her, at the lobby of the Zion bar. He distinctly remembered how his breath caught in his throat when she turned her head to face him for the first time. Her pale skin, her long lashes, her plump lips…

"Yes," he murmured. "She's pretty."

"Prettier than that girl you dated back in second year, the one with the––uh, blond hair?"

"Huh? Who's that?"

Yi Jeong's face lit up. "Ah, I remember! The Russian one! Yeah, she was pretty––"

Jun Pyo had smacked his face with another pillow again. "You're a taken man, Mr. So! How dare you talk about other women––"

"What? You're the one who brought her up––"

"Whoever she was, Ha Neul is much prettier than her," Woo Bin groaned, taking a sip of his beer.

Jun Pyo looked drunkenly stunned. "Wow. Really? Well…is she nice?"

"Nice?" Woo Bin repeated, bursting into laughter. Suddenly, he remembered her slapping him once––and almost twice––across the face. "Um, I guess she's okay."

"I wish Jan Di was nice," Jun Pyo burped. "If she was nice…she wouldn't be divorcing me."

Their drunken conversation took a sad turn after that. It was a good thing Jun Pyo didn't catch Ji Hoo chuckling under his breath in the guise of being asleep when the former started wailing for Geum Jan Di.

"Ji Hoo."

The whisper caught him by surprise, because he thought everyone else in the cabin were asleep. He closed the book he was reading––he always had one ready in his go-bag––and looked around him, trying to determine which of his friends had called him.

"Ji Hoo." The strained voice was coming Jun Pyo, apparently. His eyes were still closed. "Are you awake?"

Ji Hoo hummed in response, leaning closer towards him.

"I know you said you'll let her go," he whispered. "But is it selfish for me to ask…for you to help me get her back?"

Even though he knew Jun Pyo wouldn't see it, Ji Hoo cracked a smile. He maintained a bleak, nonchalant tone when he said, "Why? After listening to your rant, I assumed you were done with her."

"I thought I was. But the thought of her being all on her own––it scares me more than losing her."

Until the very end, Jun Pyo continued to prove just why he deserved to call himself 'great'. Ji Hoo realized that this man, despite the rocky ups and downs of their friendship, will always be someone he highly respected.

"Will you help me?" Jun Pyo asked softly.

"Of course," Ji Hoo sighed, opening his book again. "What else are friends for?"