Chapter 3 - Another Sleepless Night

Soft string music emanated from the radio, quietly serenading Levi's drinking. He'd parked his wheelchair in front of the window and had been staring out of it, scrying through the glass, for the better part of an hour. The moonbeams filtering through the half-closed sheer curtains were the only light source in the room. Around two thirty in the morning, Levi polished off the bottle, set the glass skeleton on the dresser, and continued his ruminations through the window.

Beyond the backyard were more buildings like the one in which he lived: single-story, hastily (yet sturdily) built townhomes arranged in rows along the streets. His backyard was at the top of a hill, so he could see the edges of the town below where the buildings grew further and further apart. Many of the homes on the outskirts were simple tents, the residents there, waiting on the construction of more permanent housing.

After the Rumbling, Marley wasted no time in starting to rebuild. However, because a majority of forests and trees had been destroyed, most of the structures had to be made of brick and concrete. As far as building materials went, they were quick and easy to make with the few accessible resources. And it was cheap. It had only been three years, but some neighborhoods had been worn in like they'd been there for decades. Levi's neighborhood was one of those places. The architectural style of the houses felt classic, almost stately, in a way, since, though the houses had been quickly built, no detail had been spared. There was also a sense of community that seemed like it went way back. Of course, Levi's presence was the one exception, as it always was.

At that time of night, the majority of the place was asleep. The only sounds were the gentle breeze rustling through the leaves outside and the low orchestra coming through the radio. It wasn't much, but it helped to ease Levi's mind where the alcohol couldn't.

Levi's eyes had started growing heavy, and things that weren't in the room had begun entering the boundaries of his vision. Strange animal-like and titan-like faces, shapes that shifted and morphed without rhyme or reason. A river flowed through grass fields, and he walked alongside it with fully functional legs. He didn't feel like he was being chased, but he knew something was following him, something like a sense of purpose. He had somewhere to be, but he never seemed to get there, no matter how long he walked. Another fork or twist in the rapids always led him the wrong way and kept him from making it to his destination.

At one fork, he found Hange, who joined him, and they continued on together, walking and talking about nothing particularly important yet incontrovertibly meaningful. Eventually, they came across Erwin, who had set up camp some yards away from the river bank at the edge of a forest of tall trees. He'd welcomed his friends and offered them food, but both Levi and Hange agreed they weren't hungry. Erwin grumbled a little about wasting a perfectly good meal and how he'd made it especially for them. Levi felt a bit bad about refusing then, but he honestly didn't think he could stomach anything at that moment.

Behind Erwin's camp was a tree smeared with blood. When the three of them went to investigate, they found a body lying crumpled at the roots. It was a young adult woman with red hair. Levi remembered Petra. Of course he did; he remembered everyone who'd died under his watch. Her leg was twisted at an odd angle. It looked painful, but there was no pain on her face. Then, suddenly, Levi realized Hange and Erwin were now standing over him and that he was looking up at them from Petra's point of view. His leg began to throb more painfully than it had ever throbbed before, and when he looked at it, he realized that everything from the knee down was gone. His instinct was to vomit.

All of a sudden, Levi felt his body jolt awake. His eyes opened, his spine straightened, his heart raced, and he felt his stomach threaten to evacuate its contents. That part hadn't been a dream. In the end, he was able to breathe through the nausea, but the cramp in his leg was so bad that he didn't know how long he could suppress it. For it was the pain that had made him sick, not the whiskey, though, that probably didn't help.

He only wished he could remember what he and Hange had discussed in his dream. Why did he always have to forget?

Levi was wide awake now; there was no point in trying to go back to sleep. Not knowing what else to do, he wheeled himself out of his room and made his way to the kitchen. There was another bottle of something under the sink; he guessed it was time to start on that one for the day.

He looked at the clock above the doorway and saw it was a little after five thirty in the morning.

With a sigh, he opened the cabinet under the sink. Glancing quickly over the contents, he immediately noticed that the liquor bottle he was searching for was missing from among the collection of cleaning supplies.

Gabi.

That was his last bottle, too.

Fuming, he headed for the back door and rolled outside onto the porch.

The morning air was crisp but not too cold. Levi's nausea had mostly subsided now that he was up and moving, but the breezy bite helped to bring him fully to his senses.

Levi relaxed a little into his chair, taking a deep breath to try and let go of his frustration.

He wanted a cigarette.

"Good morning," a soft voice floated over to him from his right. Levi turned his head and saw Diana dressed in a long, flowing robe, sitting at her small outdoor table on her half of the porch, teacup in hand.

"Sorry. I didn't see you there."

"It's okay," she said with a smile. "Would you like some?" Diana held the cup out in explanation.

Levi did not answer right away. Instead, he feigned hesitation so as to not seem too eager. "Sure," he said, finally nodding and wheeling himself over to the table.

Diana left for only a moment to go inside and pour him a cup. When she returned, she handed Levi the saucer and watched him lift the teacup in the weird way he did by grasping it by the rim. Diana didn't question it. She had seen him do it before, as this was not the first time they had shared tea together on their back patio, and it was hardly the first time they'd shared it before the crack of dawn. Diana was often up early like himself, but Levi never cared to ask about her reasons.

"Couldn't sleep?" Diana asked knowingly, taking up her teacup once again.

Blowing the steam, Levi shook his head.

She chortled softly before taking a sip, then set her cup down. Levi watched her, noticing that she seemed conflicted about something.

"You're up early, too," he said humorlessly.

Diana gave a soft snort and leaned back in her seat. "I'm an early riser."

"I've noticed."

"It's lucky for you. You get in on a fresh bag of tea. I just opened it."

"Mm. New flavor?"

Diana nodded. "Lemongrass and mint."

"It's alright."

"It's not my favorite either, to be honest. I hoped the shop would have the spiced cinnamon black tea I got last time, but they were sold out."

"Shame."

Diana continued to stare, gauging Levi's mood.

"Maybe it's a bit too early to bring up such a topic, but I've been wondering…"

Levi looked up at her then, blinking. If she felt the need to give a preamble, she was probably right; it was too early. He had never known Diana to beat around the bush, though, so he waited.

"Why do you struggle to sleep?" she asked, finally. "Is it… because of the things you've seen?"

Diana was getting brave.

Levi cleared his throat. "I don't know. I've always been a light sleeper. Maybe I'm just used to it."

Diana's face softened. "Was it that bad on Paradis?"

Levi looked down at his lap, making a soft thrumming in the back of his throat. Diana knew nothing of that hell, and he didn't think she needed to know. He couldn't hold it against her. Usually, he'd throw one of his avoidance fits and storm off without an explanation, but with her, that kind of behavior seemed childish.

"Were you thinking about someone?" she added.

Levi lifted his head, stony eyes transfixed on a single spot right on the tip of her nose. Diana's return stare was that of genuine concern, and he had a hard time being defensive about it. Instead, he defaulted to his blunt form of honesty.

"I don't like talking about them."

"I see."

Silence fell awkwardly over the patio after that, and they both looked away from each other.

"They're always on my mind," Levi continued suddenly after several long seconds. "I want to stop thinking about them. But I don't want them to be forgotten."

Diana didn't offer any kind of remark, but she looked back at him with large, sad eyes, waiting for him to elaborate. Like a sucker, Levi took the bait, filling in the silence. He wanted to, though. She'd never shown him anything less than compassion. Maybe it was okay for her to know a little more.

"I learned young not to trust anyone, but as I got older, I found out that some people could be. I looked out for them the best I could, but I'm one of the few who made it out alive. None of them deserved to go the way they did."

Diana's face fell, and her shoulders slumped. She looked confused like she'd just concocted a hundred more questions, but she held her tongue. Her eyes flooded with sympathy.

"Do you think it's because you're an Ackerman?"

"Huh?"

Diana clicked her tongue. "You once told me that people on Paradis named Ackerman were especially resilient. Do you think that's why you're still here after all you've been through?"

Now it was Levi's turn to be look forlorn. "Could be."

Of course, Levi knew fully well that was the precise reason he'd survived everything. His freakish genetics had given him physical and mental advantages that others didn't have. But that didn't mean he'd been unbreakable. Obviously.

"People here are afraid of you because they know that name and the things you've done, but I don't know. I don't see it. You've never given me a reason to believe you're dangerous."

Levi also knew that his superhuman abilities had gone away along with the Titans. Given more time to heal, he likely would have made a better recovery.

"I can hardly walk."

This statement set Diana off laughing. It was a gentle sort of laugh, not loud, simply polite. Levi wasn't sure if he should be offended. His expression must have betrayed his thoughts, though, because when she saw his confusion, she immediately stopped laughing and looked away. Uncomfortable, she cleared her throat.

"Forgive me. I thought you were being funny."

Levi sighed and looked at his hands. "I didn't know my last name for most of my life, meaning nobody else did either. It's been a curse ever since."

Watching him stare at his hands around his cup, she moved to reach across the table, but she pulled back when Levi suddenly perked up.

"Did you hear that?" he said, looking over his shoulder.

Diana tilted her head questioningly.

"It sounded close."

Suddenly, they both heard a clear, high-pitched yowl from below the patio. Narrowing his eyes, Levi backed away from the table and wheeled himself over to the edge of the stairs. He stood then and carefully navigated the steps down to the small shared yard.

Diana watched from the patio. A small wire cage was below the railing where his planter of green beans hung. Inside was the cat the kids had found the night before.

Levi gave a huff and cursed aloud.

"What is it?" came Diana's voice.

"The fucking cat."

"There's a cat?"

Levi did not respond as he made his way back up the stairs. Diana met him at the top.

"The kids found a cat out front in the bushes last night. Onyankopon said he was taking it."

Covering her mouth with her wrist, Diana gave a light chuckle. "I think they know you're secretly a cat person."

Levi shook his head and leaned on the back of the wheelchair.

"I don't do pets," he said with another huff. Then he blinked a few times and looked directly at Diana. "Thank you for the tea," he said with a more placid tone. "I'll make it next time."

Diana tipped her head in acknowledgment.

Using the back of the wheelchair for support, Levi made his way to the door. Diana got up to help him with it, but he waved her off. Leaving the wheelchair outside, he disappeared through the doorway, leaving his neighbor wondering if he would be alright.