Chapter 11 Funny Funny FUNNY

Honestly, Lemmy applying his makeup in preparation for the first round was kind of similar to when he put it on for Worker Appreciation Day. He went through the exact same motions toward the exact same end, even going so far as to use the exact same colors. The major difference was his mood. He felt significantly better, as he knew that he was going to be in front of people who had never seen him on stage before. That was an exhilarating prospect, no doubt about it. But it was also anxiety-inducing. A lot was riding on this. Lemmy didn't think he needed to point that fact out to himself anymore, but he really couldn't help it.

Lemmy sighed as he put his face paint down. No, no, now was not the time to feel anxious. Anxiety would impact his performance level, and he needed to be at his best. Forget putting his best foot forward, he needed to put his best SELF forward. So, taking a deep breath, Lemmy gave himself a stern look in the mirror.

"You can do this, Lemonade." His look got sterner and sterner. "Worrying isn't productive right now. It isn't productive ever. You WILL do well in this competition. Your siblings believe in you. Now it's time that you believe in yourself."

"Who are you talking to?"

Lemmy gasped and turned to see Patty coming into the dressing room. "Oh. I, uh…" he scratched his head as he began to sweat. "Just… giving myself a pep talk."

"Oh. That's cool." Patty came over to him. She wore a beautiful blue sundress that went along well with her ginger hair, and the makeup on her face was almost enough to distract from the worry in her eyes. Almost.

"You nervous about tonight?" Lemmy asked.

"Of course. This is pretty important."

"Yeah. It is." Something occurred to Lemmy. "One of us is going to be eliminated from the competition tonight."

"That is true." Patty smiled. "Why do you sound so surprised; didn't you read the contract before signing?"

Lemmy snickered. "I'm a visual learner; no information is gonna get to me just through reading." Both Patty and Lemmy laughed. When he finished, Lemmy let out a breath. "I just feel a little on edge, I suppose. I want to advance to the next round."

"Me too." Patty put on a smile. "But hey, even if you don't advance, you can still have fun."

"Yeah. I suppose."

Right at that moment, Lemmy heard Rouge talking on the stage. "Well, everyone, we have a very special person competing next!"

"That's my cue." Smoothing out his outfit, Lemmy stepped off the chair onto the floor. "See you later, Patty."

"See you later. And hey!" Lemmy turned to her, and she had the purest, most sparkly smile on her face. "Good luck, Lemmy."

Lemmy let out a breath he hadn't even noticed he was holding. "Good luck to you too, Patty." He exited the dressing room and stood in the left wing as Rouge finished introducing him.

"Some of you may even recognize this little fella!" Lemmy wrinkled his nose at the descriptor. Sure, it was true, but still. "Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Lemmy Koopa!"

Putting on a smile as everyone clapped, Lemmy went up on stage. He looked at the audience through the spotlight, feeling awe over how many people there were. So many people here to see him, so many people here to watch him do his thing. He waved at them, even going so far as to blow kisses. The applause was so sweet, sweeter than the sweetest candy Lemmy had ever eaten.

"Thank you, thank you!" Grinning, Lemmy stepped forward. "I am so happy to see all of you… woah, WOAH!" He intentionally made a big show of stumbling over his feet, being as over-the-top as possible. "Mama Mia, I am so clumsy tonight… OOF!" He fell on his butt, making some people in the audience laugh. He shook his head, making exaggerated noises with his mouth as he did. "MAN! I swear everyone, I'm not usually like this!" He snickered. "I mean, I'm only performing on stage, I'm not taking a Round the World TRIP!" He giggled as other people in the audience laughed at his pun. He picked himself up onto his feet. "It's only the first two minutes of the first round, I don't want to feel deFEETed yet!"

The audience laughed. Lemmy paid attention to how the laughter sounded. Wasn't it a little… soft? Didn't it sound like polite laughter instead of genuine laughter?

"Well… speaking of feeling defeated, many of you probably know that I used to face Mario for a living. I used all sorts of clown props as weapons, but that didn't work. So, I decided I was going to try another method." He reached into his hammerspace, feeling every eye in the theater on him. He tried not to let his sweating out of control (not that there was much he could do about it since it was involuntary). "Specifically, my brother's method. And that method involves… A GIANT HAMMER!" He pulled the hammer out of his hammerspace (huh, it's almost like that was what it was originally for or something). He struggled under the weight despite it being lighter than most of the giant hammers Morton was known for using, but he wasn't going to give up. He could do this. For the sake of humor, for the sake of the performance. "I think I can make a real dent with this! I can really HAMMER defeat into Mario's head with this!"

The audience laughed again. As they did, Lemmy couldn't help but wonder if Mario was seeing this performance, and how he would react if he did.

"Of course, I am woefully inexperienced with a hammer. I'm gonna practice my swinging first before going out on the battlefield." He pulled some softballs out of his hammerspace. Yeah, that was more than a little strange, but he did have a plan. "Watch everyone! I'm gonna prove I'm a great clown, a great level boss, AND… a great baseball player!"

He threw one of the balls up in the air, making it look like he was going to swing at it and hit it with the hammer. He was just about to, but he spun around and around and around. Like he did with the opening act, he landed on his butt. He made a big, dramatic show, making it look like he was angry with himself.

"Gosh dang doodles, how could I screw that up?" He stood back up, grabbing the second ball. "Maybe I should try again!" He threw the ball up in the air. "One two… OWW!" It landed on his head. He rubbed the spot as the audience laughed. Despite feeling joyful upon hearing that noise, he wasn't going to show it. He was giving a performance, he needed to put on a certain face. "Oh man! I guess this is a showcase of how I'm going to BALL from grace!"

The laughter carried through the theater, but again, it was much softer than Lemmy expected and wanted. Maybe he needed to go for a different angle. Like… Ludwig liked to be self-deprecating at times; maybe that would strike a chord with this audience.

"Yeah yeah, I know. 'Lemmy, your puns are so annoying! They're an insult to comedy itself!' Well, hey, if comedy isn't insulting SOMETHING, then it's not really comedy, is it?"

The audience didn't laugh when they heard that, instead looking at Lemmy in confusion. Lemmy felt a pang, feeling as though he was going to die from embarrassment while on the receiving end of this gaze.

"Uh… anyway…" he picked up the third ball. "Watch! The Amazing Lemmy is going to prove that he is amazing at SOMETHING!" Huh, that was the second time in less than two minutes that he put special emphasis on the word "something." Poetic brilliance or laziness? "Watch, everyone! Keep a good handle on your jaws, because they are going to drop!"

He did something interesting with this particular ball. Instead of throwing it upward, he wound up his arm and threw it toward the left side of the stage. Running faster than a speeding cartoon character, he went over and got his hammer ready so he could hit the ball. "I can do it, I can do it, I can… OWW!" The ball hit him in the face. He let out exaggerated cries as she stumbled all over the stage holding his eye. "Oh, my face! My beautiful, beautiful face… why must fate hate it so much?" He stopped stumbling, still holding his hand to his eye for a little bit before exposing it to the air. "Well… at the very least, if this comedy thing doesn't work out, I can try my hand at being a professional wrestler! Sure, I'm small and have the muscle definition of spaghetti, but I can take a hit! That deserves SOME respect, right?"

The audience chuckled. Lemmy let out a breath, telling himself that this was going to be fine. The audience didn't sound too terribly overjoyed, and his eye did genuinely hurt because the hit was real, but… well, the act wasn't over yet. He still had something he wanted to do, something specific that could potential serve as a grand finale.

"And hey! If I do decide to become a wrestler, I can add stuff to my trophy collection! I only have one trophy right now, and… you know what? Why don't I show you guys!" He reached into his hammerspace. While he was one to exaggerate during his clown acts, he did actually have to put in an extra amount of effort in order to get what he wanted to get out. The thing in question was a trophy, which… well, it wasn't just ANY trophy. It was a GIANT trophy made out of a thousand little trophies piled on top of each other. Lemmy had to be careful when getting it out, because if the trophies fell… well then, the grand finale of his show would essentially be ruined.

"Holy moly guacamole, and here I was wondering why I weighed so much at my last doctor's visit!" Finally, Lemmy got the trophy out. It had to be about nine feet tall, and it dominated the stage. Lemmy laughed as he looked at it. "Yep! This is my baby right here!" He picked up one of the softballs and started nonchalantly throwing it and catching it. "If I'm ever in mood of a good ego stroking, I always get this little fella out!" Lemmy chuckled. "This trophy is so important to me, and if anything were to happen to it…" he stumbled with the ball, making a big show out of trying to catch it. "Woah. Woah! Oh no! GAH!" It was so close to the trophy now. "The trophy's fragile, I can't let this ball touch it… AHH!" He accidentally tossed it into the air, making it bounce across the stage. "Oh no you don't!" He skidded across the stage and only barely caught it before it hit the trophy. "Whew!" Lemmy wiped his brow and put on a smile. "I did it! I managed to save it!" He let out a breath and leaned against the trophy. "I got the worst case of floor burn ever, but at least…"

CRASH! Thanks to Lemmy leaning against it, the trophy crashed to the ground. The little trophies were thankfully made out of plastic instead of glass, so the didn't shatter. No, instead they scattered, with one even falling off the side of the stage. Lemmy made a big show out of blinking as the audience chortled.

"Oh man." Lemmy's shoulders slumped. "Guess I have no proof of me ever winning anything now." Lemmy chuckled. "But hey, at least I have this story to tell. It's comedy GOLD!"

The audience laughed. Lemmy beamed, listening to the sound that was sweeter than sweet. With a grin on his face, he took a bow.

"Thank you, everyone! You've been amazing!" He was about to scurry to pick up his props, but to his delight, some assistance now doubt sent out by Rouge did it for him. As a consequence, he waved at the audience. "Make sure to vote for Lemmy Koopa for the Ultimate Laugh Off!"

With that, he walked off stage. Once in the dressing room, he let out a breath. "Well… that wasn't so bad." He giggled. "Let's see if Patty will be able to top that."