A/N: I Love You My One and Only, by Tsunku, hails from Rhythm Heaven Fever, a 2012 (2011 in Japan) rhythm game. This song is Remix 8 specifically, and while I also enjoy the Japanese version, I heard the English version first and fell in love with that edition. The melancholic lyrics on what love does to people contrasted against a peppy pop track were a perfect fit for Ruby's performance. In any case, the game is definitely worth a play for rhythm game fans and foes alike. That's an Anticipate guarantee! (Not legal advice).
Song Link: Look up the song name on youtube, I believe in you.
"You got this. Sensei is watching, so you can't mess this up. Remember to smile!"
Ruby's reflection was confident enough to convince the real thing that she was ready. The woman staring back at her didn't seize her gaze the way mama could, but her opinion wasn't important tonight. She clapped her hands to her cheeks, drawing on adrenaline as a panacea for her nerves. Every performance brought the same fluttering in her chest, the same anticipation of a precious moment that she was expected to deliver without fail. The butterflies in her stomach were about as mystical as moths, but she remained grateful for their motivation as she left her dressing room. Her respect for Kana's solo career had only increased with each performance she was expected to shoulder herself. By the time she was five steps away from her room, Ruby Hoshino the idol had taken over.
There she goes again, sauntering around like she has something to say.
How the hell isn't she falling apart?
It's called being a professional, idiot. Don't make eye contact! She's from a family of crazies.
How'd she ever trick the industry into keeping her around with her pedigree?
She probably cheated.
Ruby's ears perked up as she overheard snippets of hushed gossip from amongst the stagehands. Waiting for her showtime from behind the stage was droll for this exact reason. She rushed along, careful not to crimp her uniform inspired by her first idol performance. Arguing with them would just result in another lecture from Saitou. She had much better things to do with her time. It would only feed into the media's claims that she was somehow immune to nerves and by extension could only fill her time by bothering her hard-working help. Yet Ruby found herself turning away from the elevator she was supposed to ride up to the stage. There were still a few minutes before showtime. When she located the source of the gossip, she was glad she'd made the wrong decision.
Amidst the chaos of stagehands scurrying about between irascible technicians debating whose job needed to be completed first, a trio of Ruby's backup dancers had gathered by their own elevators to make the small talk she'd overheard. When her gaze met theirs, they smiled in eerie unison before huddling up again. They'd focused their attention on the fourth member of their quartet, who was leaning against a wall a ways away. Ruby found herself sighing. How Saitou expected her to be willing to bring people who sowed discord right before shows on full time was beyond her. Talent and empathy were apparently negatively correlated with each other once you reached a certain talent threshold. If Saitou could stop worrying about her safety for five minutes and realize that, then maybe she would have found a permanent team to work with by now.
As Ruby approached the fourth backup dancer, she found her frantically attempting to tie her hair into a bun using a purple bow that marked her apart from her fellow dancers. Her fingers trembled as she wrestled with a knot she'd probably been making flawlessly every day for the past few months. The dancer's companions snapped to attention as Ruby passed them with a false smile. She otherwise ignored them as she placed her hands on their companion's head. "I got it," she reassured her, finishing the tie efficiently.
"That wasn't nec-" The woman's retort was cut off as she looked up sharply in recognition of the voice who had helped her. "Sorry, ma'am! I didn't mean to put you out!"
Ruby quirked an eyebrow. "Do I look like a ma'am to you? Where's Saitou finding you people?"
"Sorry about her, Ms. Hoshino! She's new." One of the other backup dancers' voices rang coldly as they continued to hold their distance. Her special role in tonight's performance clearly contrasted poorly with her experience with the group.
"No trouble at all," Ruby lied as she finished the bun and gave the woman a pat on the shoulders. "It's important to be nervous going into a performance. You can't make it good if you don't care, right?"
"Yes, Ruby! Ah, Ms. Hoshino!" The woman squeaked nervously. She couldn't have been more than a year or two older than Ruby herself.
An idol's smile soothed the tension in the room long enough for the fourth dancer to rejoin her troupe. With a tilt of her head, she had all of them lost in eyes sparkling with borrowed starlight. "It's Ruby, 'kay? Now, let's do it just like you practiced. Don't assume you're going to fall."
Nasty personalities aside, the backup dancers were professionals, nodding in unison to her order. Satisfied, Ruby started back toward her mark before Saitou could have an aneurysm about her disappearance. He always found the smallest molehills to build his mountains on. Rumors were going to fly around whether she interacted with her team or not, so she might as well try to help where she could. Her performance was more important than her reputation every day of the week.
Ruby's window of time between her conversation and showtime closed quickly. The frenetic energy of the stage's underside contained itself, coalescing around Ruby and her fellow performers as they took their marks. The crowd's roar, once known only by the occasional trembling of the ceiling above them, took new life as the stage above her opened up and her platform began to rise. Ruby was nothing but ready for this. Her show today was the capstone of a tour she'd been on for the past several months and would be no less successful than any of the performances before it. Nerves and fear were sequestered in the back of Ruby the idol's mind as the platform she stood on rose slowly toward the blinding light above her.
The deafening crowd's cheers washed over her ears dully, muffled by the earpiece she was wearing to hear her songs and cues. There was no harm in having a friendly crowd to work with, but Ruby only had one goal tonight. When the idol's head peeked out from the bottom of the stage, the din reached a fever pitch. Red glowsticks flew in every direction, a sea of adoration for their idol who hadn't so much as blinked yet. Ruby broke into a playful grin as a pink spotlight shone down on her to give the illusion that the fans were in charge of lighting her up. The part of the stage she'd risen into jutted out into the crowd, allowing them to surround her while still affording enough space to dance or retreat to where her backup dancers were waiting. She had no intention of masking any views of her from a bad angle or an awkward seat. If a stadium of people wanted room to see her, then that was what Ruby was going to provide.
With a single wave of her hand, the stadium's cheering was cut to a quarter of its volume that clumsily petered out. Her long-time fans knew what she wanted and were educating newer viewers on the trick she was going for. The spotlight went white as she strode forward down the runway-like stage. Each step echoed louder as the more confused fans recognized the desire for silence. Saitou had given her hell on this decision too, but that was nothing new. Ruby could still feel his support along with all those who had boosted her to this point walking with her. Ai, Goro, Kana, Mem, and Miyako followed their idol to the head of the stage where diehard fans had forked over the sum of a vacation to be close to her. There were too many dreams riding on her back to turn away now.
Ruby's eyes settled on the second level of stadium seating, locking in on her friends and family watching her expectantly. The spotlight followed her, focusing in on Mem and Kana where they sat apart from everyone else like some bourgeoisie playing at nobility. Screens behind Ruby displayed her former team smiling humbly as Ruby waved to them, though her focus was already shifting. The idol finally spotted her aloof brother right before the spotlight disappeared, sitting in the shadows almost a full row away with his starry eyes fixated on hers. She was only sure it was him by the way he held his glowsticks and his presumed location among the VIPs, but she had no concerns about her brother trying to ditch this performance. Everything was in place.
"Thanks a bunch for coming, everyone! Are you ready to have fun tonight?"
The seal on the audience's fervor was broken with Ruby's question. A packed stadium erupted once more, shaking the stands and threatening to bring the whole place down before Ruby started singing. What had she done to earn all these ardent supporters? It wasn't a question Ruby often paused to ask herself. All that mattered now was how she used them. With another wave of her hand, the stage exploded into florid lights and sounds. Her backup dancers appeared from behind the stage as she backed up to join them, launching into her first song amidst the ocean of red lights. It was impossible to know how the chaotic scene looked to her audience, so Ruby focused on guiding their gazes back to her.
Singing happened without thought. Every word was known by heart and her mic ensured that she'd be heard no matter what she was doing. Learning to dance while maintaining the same tone had been the tricky part, but she had basically a decade of experience now. By the time she was able to sound and move as she'd always envisioned, she suspected that it didn't matter as much anymore. The momentum she'd built up thanks to everyone supporting her had grown more powerful than she could stop, so she accepted it and moved forward. The semi-circular stage, lighting, and even the crowd had all been curated specifically to maximize Ruby Hoshino's charm. It was only fair she gave some of that love back before indulging her own selfish whims.
Instead of thinking about herself, Ruby's eyes moved on autopilot, scanning the audience to gauge reactions. Kana would always ensure that she played up whatever side looked the least enthusiastic while Mem would move to ensure she was always at a photogenic angle, even during their rehearsed routines. Ruby never felt the need to force those reactions. If one side of the audience felt slower, she flashed them a direct smile to perk them up. A more fervent crowd earned a teasing turn at just the right angle to draw them in further.
Ruby's love was a gift to be given out freely, yet not everyone received it evenly no matter how well she performed. She couldn't take full advantage of a stage like Aqua or work a waning crowd the way Kana and Ai could. All she could do is share the joy bubbling up in her heart as sincerely as possible. In time, her team had learned to trust this instinctual form of crowd work as audiences reciprocated with larger turnouts. Telling interviewers trying to prop her up as a genius that she went with her gut onstage was never fun, but some emotions needed to be conveyed with actions rather than words.
Plenty of people would walk away feeling they'd missed the point behind this bizarre girl singing her heart out from the center of the entertainment world. If someone wasn't willing to give you a basic level of trust, no amount of parading around belting out pop numbers would convey her wordless message effectively. She raised her hand, and the sea of glow sticks followed her motion. The call to action highlighted the dark islands of mistrust peppered throughout this sea. Some fans missed the cue or were indifferent to her request for their own reasons. Ruby had met these skeptics in many a fan meetup and pointless interview. But Ai tried to love them anyways. She could drown any island with her smile alone. If Ruby wanted to be half the idol her mother was, the challenge holding two glow sticks at half-mast on the balcony would need to be overcome.
The performance was kept standard for now. It was critical to chip away at people's natural suspicions to forgetting their inhibitions with something they would easily recognize. That went double for mopey skeptics like Aquamarine Hoshino. There was no pandering or catering to a desperate loveless demographic as her critics would say. Ruby loved everyone who was willing to listen to her, and in turn they raised their glow sticks away from the troubles and worries of everyday life for a while. The first step involved sucking Aqua in with everyone else as he tried to understand her performance. What I'm saying is, if you're my fan, then all you have to do is trust me, and everything will be fine!
Ruby raised her arms up in varying directions, ribbons attached to her arms flying up like a sparkling phoenix's wings in time with the song's crescendo. Her fans responded in kind with a sea of soft reds crashing into Ruby's stage. The idol sailed into the unknown, navigating the stormy tide of the people's worries to spare them from themselves for an evening. Her hand grasped at the rafters where her biggest fans resided. Aqua raised his glow sticks, but the distance dimmed their light. Her brother was brilliant at lying so long as he wasn't trying to lie about himself. There was no expectation of an immediate reaction, yet Ruby still found herself disappointed in her moronic brother's teenage-level stubbornness. She retracted her hand as the song ended, preparing herself to treat her brother like the jerk he was. This stage was the one place where she would always have the upper hand on him, and it was time to prove it.
"Is everyone having fun?!" Ruby cheered excitedly as the stage props were shuffled and reset between songs.
Uproarious approval echoed throughout the crowd. Ruby wasn't expecting anything else, but she still put on a show of shock that everyone was so excited to see her. "Well, you better watch carefully then!" With that, Ruby plunged into her next number.
The brand of liar that her fans took for granted sat heavily with Ruby Hoshino. There was no escaping its mark on her chosen career path regardless of its veracity. But there were advantages to having a truth shared only between her and the boy who knew this idol better than anyone. The lights in the sky coalesced around Ruby once more as one of the old B-Komachi's songs blared from the speakers behind her. Ruby could feel Aqua's eyes widening as she shamelessly performed a tribute to their mother that had originally been scheduled for the end of the performance. Saitou had complained that they'd catch flak for the blatant recycling after so long, but that hardly mattered to Ruby. If only two idols ever managed to move Aqua's heart, she'd simply have to take advantage of the one who wouldn't make any protests.
"Let me ask you a question. Between Ai and Ruby Hoshino, who deserves the title of the most influential member of B-Komachi?"
Ruby was held aloft by the light surrounding her as the stage fell away. Her mother's song comforted her as she found herself standing alone in a familiar hospital hallway. Somewhere behind her, questions from the media about what they were seeing echoed through the halls, but Ruby shut them out. For once, this wasn't the time to indulge them. She began to walk forward down the empty hallway, past unlit rooms and soft snowfall pattering against shuttered windows. Ai was singing for her; she couldn't allow herself to fall here.
Yet Sarina Tendouji did fall, for the last time to her idol's sweet lie ringing in her ears. On stage, Ruby wasn't allowed to fall, but no amount of inspirational singing could turn Sarina's head from the reality that she would never recover enough to stand on a stage anywhere close to Ai. Aqua was not fixated on Sarina as she dragged herself back to her room and struggled to lift unresponsive legs into bed by herself. She still felt guilty for the bags she'd noticed under her sensei's eyes when he was called to check on her in spite of her efforts.
When she tried to make eye contact now with the doctor who had wept more for her than her own parents, she found his gaze fixated on the stars above them, somewhere where the truth could be conveniently ignored. Sarina smiled to herself. Comparing Ruby Hoshino to Ai Hoshino was a laughable endeavor for anyone who knew her. Being an idol was about lifting both her and Ai up to heights they couldn't reach alone. Sarina rose as the hospital room disappeared, replaced by a familiar studio.
"Who is Ruby Hoshino? What can you tell us about her meteoric rise?"
These sorts of questions never made sense to Ruby or Sarina. When an idol helped people, they deserved to get famous. Anyone who got in the way or didn't understand was just a moron. The duo practiced their routine in front of a mirror, prancing and weaving between each other with moves memorized by heart and bodies energized by miracles. She couldn't shine the way the stars above her did. All she could do was take advantage of the incredible gift Sarina was lucky enough to receive as best she could. Every coincidence and fortunate event that had planted her feet on this stage had to be capitalized on with effort. Ruby could boast and posture about how much her brother and fans loved her all she wanted. No star could ever truly rise higher than the sky above them.
"Would you say the idol torch has finally been passed then?"
This wasn't enough to catch Aqua up in the moment. Nagging questions dragged at Ruby and Sarina, grounding them in their performance and resisting her offer of ignorance to Aqua and the crowd around them. Idol and patient exchanged a look. Nobody could see the years of practice spent between them, only the luck seized in the opportunities that effort had created. Sarina and Ruby joined hands, merging themselves into one once more as the spotlight disappeared.
It had taken playing the role of Ai in Aqua's 15 year lie movie for Ruby to understand what Ai meant by loving people when she performed. Selfishly holding on to her love of being an idol was hardly better than not understanding how to love the audience at all. Roaring fans quieted into nothing as Ruby stood alone in the dark, her brother looking down on her by himself, unmoved.
Ruby needed luck to be seen. Sarina needed luck to be afforded a second chance at life. She strode forward through the darkness, versions of past Rubys and Sarinas falling and failing around her as they reached for an unbound ideal in their mother and idol. The selves shattered into sparkling crystals as they fell, dazzling her single audience member as she drew onlookers from all corners of the country to observe her open love letter. But the Ruby left standing was lucky enough to not need to reach their mother. All she needed to do with her luck was touch the heart of the person lucky enough to need her the most.
The shattered remains of Ruby and Sarina's efforts merged into spotlights bursting from the stage around her, replenishing the audience's vision of their idol to uproarious applause. The song was drawing to a close, indicated by the rise in cheering from the crowd, but Ruby wasn't done. With a quick signal, the third song started without a break. It was optional to rest and work the crowd if necessary, but Ruby had a higher calling to attend to. As she launched into her next number, the presence she'd sorely missed since she was young began to coalesce next to her. For this song, she'd need a backup dancer, and Sarina was currently occupied.
It wasn't Ai she was dancing with. Aqua's airhead accusations would hold up in court any day of the week, but Ruby wasn't stupid. This was the purple ribboned backup dancer trained to perform like Ruby's mother. But when she met the woman's eyes, sparkling radiance that mirrored that of Ai Hoshino were staring back at her. Combined with Ruby's movements, she could create the lie that mother and daughter were performing together at last. With Ai and Ruby combined, she could give life and meaning to those pockets of history that she'd been dancing through. After all, she hadn't been dancing alone, ever. Through each of those hardships, Ai and Aqua had been with her, supporting her and guiding her as good idols were supposed to do.
On the large television screens behind her, past performances of B-Komachi from before and during Ruby's time began to play. Ruby seized on those moments, pouring them into herself and her backup dancer. Her lie had a tendency to snowball by itself so long as she gave it the right nudge here and there. The skeptics in the audience walked into this show with the question of who Ruby Hoshino was. What they didn't know was that Ruby Hoshino wasn't present to answer them.
Who was Ruby Hoshino? Sarina had never really stopped to think about that final persistent question underlying all the others. After all, she was Ruby. If she didn't know who Ruby was, who else possibly could? Myriad answers flashed on the screens behind her as she continued her performance heedless of their words. Ruby Hoshino was the successor to Ai Hoshino. She was a lucky prodigy with just enough talent to keep her face in the spotlight. She was an idol only by virtue of her family name. Nobody but Aqua could see the lifetime that Sarina was dancing through as she struggled to convey who she was to them. For idols, what could be seen on the surface was supposed to be sufficient.
An idol comforted people and lifted them up when they couldn't do it themselves. Ai took Ruby's hand, guiding her through the screens her performance reached over years of work. Hospital rooms for people just like Sarina. Studios for aspiring idols. Phones on tireless nights after long days of work or school. People needed idols to refresh their soul without having to consider whether there was a real person bearing the brunt of their anxiety for them. Ai never understood that, but she performed as an idol anyways. Ruby strove to be the opposite. If there was a key difference between her and her mother, that was it.
As if sensing this distinction, Ai stopped guiding her daughter through her life, suddenly letting go and spinning to face Ruby with a puzzled look. They stood in Strawberry Productions, the day before Ruby was to start middle school. As Ruby made to follow her mother's lead further, she realized that she was the one who stopped herself. Ruby's other hand was clutched by Sarina, stopping short at the last year of her life. Ai was going to keep going onward. Ruby wouldn't ever be able to catch up to her, no matter what she did. Sarina could only ever look backward from this point on.
There was no road map for Ruby Hoshino to follow anymore. It was terrifying, yet Ruby still squeezed Sarina's hand tightly before turning to face her idol again. "You're going to keep going on ahead for me, right? That's fine. I'll take care of things here until we meet again. Momma…Ai… Thank you." The hand she was holding went slack as Ai disappeared. There were no arguments between Sarina and Ruby about who Ai was to them anymore. A tear fell from their cheek as Ruby grasped once more at the open sky toward the stars cruelly glittering above them.
The audience went wild as they saw Ruby's tears start to fall. She was crying for them, of course, all heedless of what Ruby was actually saying. This girl, who had lost her team and her mother, who would never be able to sing those songs with her friends and family again, was crying for those lost moments yet continuing to give the performance of a lifetime. The truth couldn't be further away than that, and Ruby could feel Aqua's acknowledgement in the way his glow sticks lowered.
Instead of pain, however, Ruby felt joy. They were gone, but her friends and family had never been nearer. Ai helped her to stand up again as the next song began. Mem and Kana danced at her side, supporting her with their moves and voices. Aqua stood in front of her, providing unwarranted advice while absentmindedly waving a glow stick around for them. Ruby Hoshino was all the people that she loved and cared about whether they were with her or not.
The acknowledgement sent a wave of cheering through the crowd as Ruby moved into some of her newer original songs. There was a deeper catalogue to draw on from B-Komachi, but some of those songs only really had impact if the full trio was singing them. By this point, it hardly mattered. Forming the trust with the audience that something important was going on had already been accomplished. She could reveal herself through these songs and allow those who needed to hear them to accept them without any inhibitions. Their red lights could sparkle just as brightly as she did so long as she willed them to.
It was around this time that Ruby got lost in her own performances. She tended to black out these moments when she was performing her original songs. All she could ever remember was the reactions of those around her, smiles and cheers for the girl who was grateful for the incredible opportunity she'd been given. Ai stepped away from the stage as Ruby waved to her, taking a seat in the front row next to Goro Amamiya and Sarina. The rest of her family cheered, including Hikaru Kamiki clapping and hollering just as loud as anyone else. An idol's performance didn't have the luxury of discriminating who heard it. There shouldn't be any boundaries on showing people how much fun being an idol was.
As the performance continued, Ruby entered a state of bliss. This was who she was and why she was alive. There was no greater feeling than being an idol with fans supporting you unconditionally. The light they shined on her blinded the idol, giving birth to a new set of tears mingled with sweat as she expressed just how much joy every movement gave her. Only someone who had been denied the right to stand for so much of her previous life could savor these simple movements so much. Ruby Hoshino didn't need to think about why she was alive because being alive was too much fun to care. As long as she could be the pretty jewel that convinced other people of the same thing, she was more than fulfilling her purpose with her second chance. The stars above could be seized and dragged down to earth as long as this song didn't end.
And yet this approach had its weaknesses. Ruby was blinded to the stage and those around her, forcing adaptations from those who supported her to keep things moving. The idol wasn't smart enough to keep up with others where it mattered. She needed space for her and her alone to make the best use of her abilities. It was selfish and problematic, but her loved ones accommodated her anyways. The smoke of Ruby's reality cleared as a single song remained in her performance. She couldn't recall how long it had been, only that the cheers of the audience hadn't died down at all. It was time to check her work.
Up in the rafters, something had shifted. Aqua, Kana, and Mem had disappeared. Three spots in her ocean of red had gone dark, and it was as if all the lights on stage had turned off. The smile slipped from Ruby's lips for the first time that night. Those who had been extorted into buying front row tickets lowered their glow sticks in confusion as they caught the mask slipping off their idol's face. This was the weakness of acting with passion rather than professionalism. Ai's lies were something Ruby had vowed to live without, but they would have been helpful in this moment.
Still, Ruby was a professional in her own right. Just because she had hit a stumbling block didn't mean she could stop. Blaming her brother for her failings was unacceptable. She opened her eyes to take in the entire audience as a whole, regaining her smile as she soaked in their applause. It would do for now to believe that her message had gotten through to Aqua.
These had to be the cheapest VIP seats Kana had ever been subjected to. Plastic chairs folded down between immovable armrests that granted her the rough elbow room of a morning train commute. Her view of the stage was spectacular if she liked using binoculars to view her idol concerts. Only the red rope on the end of both sides of the row marked their location as anything different from the fans below them. These dubious honors had been granted to her, Mem, and the immediate families of the show's main performers, with Kana and Mem sequestered away from their loved ones to be put on display when the mood struck their former fellow idol.
A cavalcade of media and paparazzi buzzed just beneath them, writing notes and taking pictures of a show that hadn't started yet in hopes of unveiling even a scrap of information about what was next for Ruby Hoshino before their peers. This was what she'd signed up for, but Kana owed Aqua and Mem a combined five lunches for keeping her out of physical altercations with paparazzi in the last year alone. How Ruby had gone this long without separating her hair from her scalp spoke volumes about her character.
Miyako had been kind enough to ensure the front row belonged to people Kana could name, but she and Mem were still separated from everyone else as part of the show. Aqua was deep in conversation with Miyako half a row away, likely discussing his upcoming appointments and other topics Kana should be involved in but was being denied access to. Leaving B-Komachi apparently only meant that she was expected to cheer just as hard from the audience. Just because she'd agreed to this charade didn't mean Kana was being paid to be happy about it. The actress rapped her foot impatiently on the ground, causing the seat to bounce up and down slightly in time with her. "At least there's no pillar in the way this time," Mem pointed out in a desperate attempt to assuage Kana's souring mood. "We'll get a nice clear view of Ruby's last show for the year."
"Should we be grateful that they're not throwing popcorn at us like we're caged monkeys?" Kana snarked as she gave the camera panning to them a smile and wave.
Before Ruby's performance, the cameras had a bad habit of training on them like they were supposed to be the pre-show. Just because they'd agreed to show up for the post-show meet and greet didn't mean they should be expected to perform. Kana's gaze found her boyfriend, who smiled apologetically before returning to his deep conversation with his adoptive mother. It vaguely sounded like they were talking about his schedule. Kana hoped it was him arguing for the opportunity to go to America with her. She'd put up with all this crap and more if she could get just a few more days with Aqua. The way he was gesturing in frustration indicated it was likely more centered around Miyako's requests for him to attend therapy.
"It's not so bad. Long as we smile and wave, we get free notoriety and tickets to Ruby's next show."
"We would have gotten those anyways. In seats that were designed for humans to sit in." Even the seats that were technically behind the stage would have been preferrable to being this far back. Ruby needed to attract fewer fans if she ever wanted to be seen effectively by her former team again.
"I'll start livestreaming if you don't chin up, young lady. I could get a loooot of milage out of a Kana teasing compilation."
Instantly Kana's disposition brightened. Mem was her only close friend who could lord her experience in the industry over Kana, albeit from a self-taught perspective. Live performances without anything to rehearse were her kryptonite, a fact Mem had no problems abusing. Mercifully, the stage lights dimmed before too long to indicate the beginning of the performance.
When Ruby came out on stage, everyone, Kana included, was on their feet with glow sticks in their hands. She would have supported Ruby even without the camera occasionally panning to her for a reaction, but it was important to keep up appearances for her sake and Ruby's. The worries she carried about Aqua and the upcoming docuseries melted away as she allowed herself to follow along with Ruby's entrancing pace. It was nice to have a chance to forget about her problems and simply enjoy her junior's performance.
That was what Kana would have preferred, but the active part of her brain was callously analyzing everything Ruby did as she glided around the stage. Did Kana and Mem make things look this effortless when they performed? Videos didn't compare to the live edition, even from this distance. A camera couldn't capture the reaction of the audience surrounding Ruby when it zoomed in on her or the way she adjusted her stance to support the side of the crowd as they lagged behind in their cheers. Ruby's choreography had drastically improved in the years since she'd gone solo, with her singing maintaining a doddering pace just fast enough to carry its weight. Given Kana's time away from being an idol, Ruby could probably sing just as well as Kana could now. The former idol tsked as she allowed her gaze to fall for a moment.
It was hard not to look at the girl spinning and twirling below them and see the traditional Mary Sue who had been handed their life on a silver platter. It was what Ruby was trying to get them to see, but it wouldn't work on her or people like Aqua who knew the truth. Even so, the sinister feelings of jealousy crawled up Kana's spine and foisted a desire to reject what she was being presented with on her. How could Ruby move Aqua's heart when she couldn't?
This foolish, ignorant girl who stumbled into every opportunity she'd ever received and was carried by her namesake all the way to the pinnacle of the entertainment world didn't deserve this adulation. But Kana found her eyes invariably drawn back to Ruby even when she tried to look away. She had a habit of coming off like she was fixating on Kana alone when the former idol began to doubt herself, as far back as their first performance when she'd reminded Kana to loosen up and smile. Slowly, Kana's arms straightened into the air as the idol's third song reached its climax.
Her animosity was a misplaced projection, and Ruby was confirming it with her performance. Kana and Mem simply hadn't been able to keep up the lie as Ruby had because for her, the truth about loving her fans and her work was indistinguishable from the lie. As an actor, Kana had no choice but to respect Ruby's years of work put into mastering this craft. Without that context, Kana would be just as bad as the ignorant vultures scribbling on their notepads beneath her. Her actions were mostly inconsequential in combatting that narrative, but Kana was compelled to do what she could to support the truth laid bare before everyone present. There was no denying that what this crowd was witnessing was the entelechy of an idol.
"Sorry. I'm proud of you."
Ruby wouldn't be able to hear it, but Kana felt the need to vocalize the feelings welling up within her as she watched Ruby perform. Her best way to communicate with Ruby was to continue to hold her glowsticks high. The idol world was not her own; she had only chosen to visit for a while. She would effect the same change on the entertainment world from her own domain. If someone like Ruby could do it, so could she.
Kana found her smile waver as Ruby's performance continued. Unlike the rest of the audience, she could tell when Ruby improvised a move or acted outside of the intentions of her choreography. The idol had a habit of losing herself in the performance to the expense of her fellow performers every now and then. Given how enraptured her boyfriend was with Ruby's show, Kana had a sneaking suspicion that Ruby would start messing with the rhythm her backup dancers were trying to establish. Turning to check on Aqua all but confirmed her guess. The boy was transfixed by what he was seeing. His mouth hung slightly open; his glow sticks were limp at his sides as he took in what he should have seen hundreds of times by now. The actress huffed as the inkling of jealousy resurfaced, fueled by a purely unprofessional source that was quickly quashed when Kana turned away. She was being stupid. Aqua was always going to be an overprotective older brother. Ruby could backflip onto a puppy and he'd still hold a glowstick for her.
Mem wasn't faring much better, though she chose to react to Ruby's moves with raucous applause and pictures. If anything, she was doing the media's work for them. Kana reapplied her smile as she turned her attention out to the audience. If her friends weren't going to convince her that Ruby's actions were reckless, surely someone else in the audience would notice.
As she glanced across the Red Sea, Kana felt shame for doubting her friend. Actively wishing ill on her was inexcusable for someone who understood what the pain of failing to meet those expectations the red lights put on her was like. As she focused on the waving colors in front of her, Kana picked out a few stray yellow and white lights displaying support for Mem and her respectively. Seeing their well wishes warmed her heart until a sparkle of white from an audience member made her blood run cold.
It was almost impossible to see were it not for the fact that she was standing on the edge of her row, almost behind the large screens that made up the backdrop for Ruby's stage. If asked, Kana would have taken her seat over the seat the white light came from any day of the week. Only her dwindling opportunities outside of Aqua to see a glow stick held in her honor conditioning her to look for white allowed Kana to notice the wayward color amongst the overbearing red.
But Kana's eyes were not mistaken. The woman holding her attention as she held the white signal straight in the air defiantly was her mother. It should have been too far for her to tell, but something in her gut was saying that she was right and her time was up. Two red glowsticks clattered to the ground as Kana sat down hard in her seat, unintentionally mimicking her boyfriend.
"I have to go," The volume of the crowd swallowed her declaration, too enamored by the idol in front of them to care.
The white glow sticks suddenly disappeared, their owner moving out of their row and making their way through the aisle toward an exit. Had the woman noticed her reaction? Surely that wasn't possible. But then again, Kana had noticed her, and she was in a much more visible seat. Scenarios for what the woman's purpose could be flew through Kana's mind, but nothing fit well enough to settle on. She could also be terribly mistaken and foisting her worries on an innocent avid fan. In that case there was no need to do anything. If she was right, then there was a high likelihood that her mother was going to attempt to confront her in front of scores of onlookers. That risk was unacceptable.
Kana's first instinct was to look to Aqua, but he was still completely engrossed in Ruby's performance a full row of people away. Getting to him would mean questions from everyone around him. There was a more readily available option she'd need to exploit.
"I have to go, Mem," Kana insisted, tugging on her fellow former idol's sleeve.
Mem's blissful smile faltered as she took in the dire expression on her friend's face. "Are you gonna be sick or something?"
"I have to meet someone. It can't be here." Eyes flitted down to indicate the cameras waiting like hungry piranhas below them.
Mem paused only for a split second to absorb this information. "Alright. Let's go."
Kana blinked as Mem started dragging her away. "Mem, wait! I have to do this myself. Just tell them-" She was cut off by Mem dragging Kana to her feet and shooing away the usher before he could ask them to remain where they were.
"You have to get ready for your post-show meet and greet is what you have to do," Mem corrected. "And the only way you're getting away with that lie is if your best friend and fellow performer is doing it too."
Kana understood what Mem was saying. They wouldn't arouse as much suspicion if they left together, and if they did, it could fall on production rather than on them. Much as she wanted to say she was strong enough to do this by herself, Kana found herself craving company. "Thanks, Mem."
"That's what I'm here for. Out of the way people, we have important celebrity stuff to do!"
The media parted for Mem as she herded the two of them out of the stands and around the balcony. Kana took the lead as soon as she was sure there were no cameras watching. She'd been to this stadium enough times to know the path that her foe was likely taking.
"Who's the mark? Psycho fan?"
"Of a sort," Kana answered vaguely as she wound her way through the halls with Mem a step behind before stopping to pull out her phone.
Mem glanced around at the few people using the halls with them who gave them odd looks as Kana fiddled with her device. "We're gonna get noticed if we hang out here."
"Just a minute."
The phone only rang twice before its target answered. "Was that you?" Kana demanded.
There was a brief pause on the other line. "You saw us?"
Kana's breath caught when she said us, but there was no time to freeze up now. "Go to the dressing room area entrance on the left side of the stadium. Give them your name and they'll let you in." The actress hung up and shut her phone off before her mother could object. "Let's go get ready." Kana took the lead in heading for the destination she'd just named, leaving the technology barrier behind her at last.
"It's your mom, isn't it? You sure you don't want security? Or Aqua?"
Kana rounded a gaudy column as she saw the backstage entrance she was looking for. "No," she lied. "It'll be fine, probably."
"Don't say you don't need me, Kana. I've got a rep for mixing crazy fans all the time! If she tries something, I'll cancel her faster than you can say apology video."
Kana only vaguely understood what Mem was talking about, but her presence was comforting. And it was probably better that someone was around in case things went poorly. Aqua worried too much and she trusted Mem more than almost anyone else. "Thanks, Mem. You, guard. If a woman comes by and says they're related to me, let them through." The bouncer nodded stoically and allowed them to pass.
Ruby's song rang in Kana's ears as they made their way to the dressing rooms where they were supposed to get ready for their post-show meet and greet. The stadium seemed to sway under her influence as she weaved around various crates and stage props. This place was technically off limits to guests, but anyone with a bit of savvy would have been able to talk or sneak past the guard with all the ruckus going on in the main halls. Kana had no doubt that her mother could have made use of the former, but they were the first to arrive outside the dressing room reserved for former and current B-Komachi members.
A few tense moments later, a woman rounded the corner with a phone in her ear. "Yes, the left side. Hurry up, we don't have much time. Yes, I know. Love you too."
Heels clacked under a bland pair of jeans and B-Komachi t-shirt that allowed Mrs. Arima to pass for a fan of the old B-Komachi. She'd allowed her dark brown hair to snake down past her shoulders, but otherwise she was about how Kana had left her. Same long nails, same hair trigger disposition to prevaricate when it behooved her, same smoldering spark in her eyes for anything but her daughter. If she could settle this before the man she'd likely called showed up, that would be ideal. Mother and daughter locked eyes, both freezing up for a moment that Kana's mother recovered from first.
"There you are."
Kana's first instinct was to flee. Mem was waiting for a cue from her friend that this was their target and received nothing. She was standing right in front of her. The woman who turned her back on Kana first faced her with a somber expression. What had she prepared herself to say in this situation again? "Ma'am, are you lost? This is the backstage area for-"
"She's not lost," Kana interrupted, finding her voice. She wasn't about to let this opportunity pass her by because she got tongue tied. "She's my mother."
Recognition flashed in Mem's eyes as she looked the woman over again. Instinctively she moved to stand partially between Kana and the dark-haired woman. "I'm sorry," Mrs. Arima bowed, startling both former idols. "It was rash of me to attempt to approach you in public, but we simply had to speak in person, Kana. Could you ask Mem-cho to wait in her dressing room?"
"What would you have done if I hadn't noticed you?" Kana asked incredulously. "Don't tell me you were expecting a tearful reunion."
"I wasn't expecting you to notice me in the crowd. I would have pulled you out to speak like this before you made it to your dressing room."
Kana sighed. At least her mother wasn't planning to make a massive scene of herself in public. It was a respectable enough notion for someone who'd been as good as stalking her for the past month, but she was mistaken if she considered Mem a threat in that department. "Anything you can say to me, you can say to her. There's no cameras here." While their dressing room might have been more private, Strawberry Productions required all of them to be closely monitored in one way or another given their track record. Mem tsked as she shoved her phone deeper into her pocket.
Mrs. Arima bit her lip as she pocketed her own phone. Kana was prepared for another argument before her mother nodded slightly to herself. "Alright. How are you, Kana?"
Mothers usually accompanied that sort of question with a hug, or at least a less guarded expression within two meters of their children. Mrs. Arima made no move to get closer, keeping her polite distance while awaiting a response.
"What? I'm doing fine on my own, just like the last time you asked. What do you want that was so important that you needed to say it in person, mom?"
The woman's fists clenched and unclenched, her nails sliding against each other like dull knives. "I want you not to take that tone with me, but I understand you wouldn't listen if I told you that," the woman groused. "You- no. I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize, Kana. For not supporting you when you needed me. I want to make it up to you, but I know I can't. I at least wanted you to know that I'm so, so, sorry for the distance I created between us and for the way that I treated you."
Kana would have been less surprised if her mother had slapped her. Her bow was flawless, her tone genuinely apologetic. If she was acting, Kana would give her full marks. "I… why now? It's been so long, what the hell's so special about right now?"
Mrs. Arima remained fixated on the ground in her bow. "It should have been a long time ago. I can't fix that, but I can do something now. I shouldn't have left you by yourself. You shouldn't have had to fight for this long to stay in the industry for my sake. I can't fix that, but there's something I can do now to help. And even when you got yourself involved with a murderer, I still did nothing. I should have-"
"Someone's gotten rather conceited in the last few years," Kana accused, cutting her mother off with a step forward. "Did you expect me to fall to the floor sobbing and beg mommy for a kiss to make everything better? You crushed my heart when I was a child and made me think it was my fault. Just imagining not having you around used to be enough to make me cry. But by the time you left, I realized that would never be good enough for you. I could never cry enough tears on stage or win enough awards to please you. But I don't need your approval anymore, mom. I have Mem and Aqua and everyone else behind me. So don't you ever sully his name or anyone else's again. They're the ones who helped me when you abandoned me, so you have no right to spread lies about them."
Mrs. Arima lifted her head, silently absorbing years of pent-up angst Kana had been carrying around like a backpack full of textbooks. "Okay. You're allowed to tell me that. If you don't want to see me again, that's fine. But I'd like you to trust me just for a moment, Kana, and listen to what I have to say. I'm still your mother, and I know I raised you to be polite."
"Are you begging me to get security involved? Because all I'm hearing is 'please forgive me for being a selfish bitch who abandoned my daughter! I'll do it again, but forgive me anyways because you love me!' Did I get that right, or would you like to try again? We're on your schedule clearly, so by all means, go on. Come on, mom, please, tell me why you suddenly decided you love me again."
"Alright," Mem decided, taking Kana by the arm. "Thanks for stopping by, Mrs. Arima. Kana will be available for photos later. Why don't we go cool off for now?"
Kana didn't want to leave. She wanted to lay into this woman until she understood exactly what she'd robbed her daughter of. A woman like this with no respect for anyone but herself didn't deserve to waltz back into her life then sashay out without consequences. She'd just recklessly run around and ruin someone else's life next, and that was good enough reason for her to bear Kana Arima's ire. But Mem's grip was firm, unwilling to invite arguments, and Kana was supposed to be better than who she was. If she meant what she said, then she was wasting her words. "Alright."
"Wait!" Mrs. Arima insisted as Kana started to turn away. "Please."
Kana wasn't sure why, but she found herself stalling in the hall. She shouldn't listen to this woman. But her feet disobeyed her brain and rooted her in place. Mem's grip was taut, but she allowed Kana to face her mother. "This was my fault. If I had been smarter, things would have been okay, but I messed everything up again. Kana, you had to find out before the truth went public. I had to meet in person because my secret was leaked to the producers of the docuseries. Dear, you can come out now." She motioned toward a corner where someone had evidently been standing outside of Kana's notice.
The father Kana had been expecting to follow that line was instead a young teenage girl who didn't explain what her mother meant by secret. She wore a school uniform Kana vaguely recognized as being from around where her mother lived. The bright blue blazer clashed with her darker brown hair that carried a flash of crimson in it, like a log in a fireplace preparing to burst apart. Her eyes were a similar color, regarding Kana as blankly as Kana regarded her as she stepped out from behind a pile of boxes stacked up against a corner where she'd been waiting.
"My name is Asumi Arima. You write it with the kanji for bright and the kanji for pure. Your acting has gotten worse since Tokyo Blade. Shape up and stop making mom worry. That's all I have to say." She sat down on the box Mrs. Arima had been leaning on, continuing to regard Kana with murky, disinterested eyes.
"This is your half-sister, Asumi," Mrs. Arima supplied while Kana was stunned out of a response for the second time in as many minutes. "Asumi, be polite."
"Sorry for being alive," Asumi bowed from her seated position.
"What?" Kana echoed, remembering she could speak. "How? When? …Why would you keep something like this from me?" The floor felt like it was going to give out from under her.
"I wasn't strong enough to support you when you needed me, and by the time I was, you didn't want me around anymore," Mrs. Arima admitted, rubbing her arm. "But Asumi comes from… your father's affair. When that woman passed and he returned, I agreed to help raise her. He couldn't bear to put her in the foster system, and I…didn't want to make the same mistakes again."
Things began to click into place for Kana. The lie that she had gone home because of her grandfather had felt thin at best, but Kana hadn't questioned it. She hadn't questioned why father rarely then never visited, or why both of them never visited together. This girl had been the reason they'd stayed away. If it got out that Kana Arima's parents split up and their father had a secret child, it would have created news, and that buzz would likely have led to her mother's abuses and neglect being discovered. A part of Kana's mind understood that, while another was enraged at being kept out of the loop long enough for this girl to reach her teenage years.
"I can't believe this," Kana accused, jabbing a finger toward her mother. "I can't believe you would hide this from me just to save your own ass. You'd rather care for someone else's kid than face what you did to your own flesh and blood, huh? Of course you would. You lied to me for over half of my life and now that it might inconvenience you you're screwing everything over again. You probably wanted the docuseries people to find out, didn't you? Why can't you get it through your thick skull that you're never going to be famous?!"
"She's not an idiot," Asumi supplied, drawing Kana's attention away from her idiotic mother. "She didn't want you to find out through the docuseries. I've been using a different given name, but they figured it out anyways. Mom messed up. If she had it her way, we'd have never met under these circumstances. Or at all."
"Asumi! You know that's not what I said."
"You were thinking it."
The blind rage that had driven Kana subsided as she took a moment to control her breathing amidst the mother and daughter bickering. Looking at the bigger picture, she couldn't afford to break down in front of this girl. It wasn't her fault that their mother was a vapid harpy interested only in sustaining herself. She cleared her throat to get her family's attention. "Okay. Alright. Let me get this straight. The docuseries people who are trying to reveal 'the truth' about B-Komachi, specifically with the intention of ruining our careers for profit, found out I have a half-sister before I did. I'll table how in the hell that happened for now. You've been actively trying to meet with me for the last month to ensure that I learned this and believed you before the information leaked. I get that. So what the hell now, mom?"
"I'm not asking for us to go back to being a happy family again," the woman supplied in some of the old tone that Kana recognized. "You clearly don't want that and I won't force it on you. For a long time, I wasn't stable enough to even consider having this conversation, because I didn't want to face up to my own failures. But you are still my daughter, and you have a right to live your life unimpeded by me. And I have been worried about you. There are things-"
"That's enough," Kana waved off. "I don't want to hear it right now. I can handle myself, so make sure you handle yourself. I'll… have Saitou and our team reach out to you. They'll know the best way to deal with this mess. We need to get our stories straight if we don't want people asking questions." Kana couldn't care less what happened to her mother after tonight, but if she burned, there was a decent chance Kana or someone she cared about would catch fire too. As long as she had the power to do so, Kana wouldn't let this woman ruin someone's life again. The reminder that someone else was here spurred Kana to focus on her half-sister.
The actress knelt enough to put herself eye to eye with the younger girl. "Sorry. I didn't mean for this to be your first impression of me. I'm Kana Arima. I guess we're sisters?"
"Half-sisters," Asumi corrected as she shook Kana's hand.
"Uh, right. Listen, I just have two questions for now. Do they treat you well?" Kana nodded toward her mother.
"As well as anyone else would," Asumi answered nonchalantly, her response almost drowned out by the droning crowd around them. "I love them."
"I… alright. How long have you known about me?"
"Since I was 6. Mom wasn't well enough to meet you until recently."
Mrs. Arima looked away at that comment, long enough for Kana to believe it. She nodded to herself before patting Asumi once on the head. The girl didn't appear to appreciate the gesture, but she didn't shy away from it. "Okay. It was nice to meet you, Asumi. I'd like to speak to you more about what you said when I get the chance."
"If you want." The non-committal reply and slights on her acting would have incurred indignation in better circumstances, but there were more important matters to attend to at the moment.
With that, Kana turned her attention to Mrs. Arima. "Mom. Do us both a favor and never show your face in front of me again. You can love Kana Arima when she's on stage as much as you want. She's for everyone, but the woman standing here doesn't ever want to see you again. If you really do care about her then you'll listen to what I have to say for once."
For the first time that night, Kana's words seemed to have some effect on her mother. The hard look in her eyes softened as if she finally recognized she was speaking to her daughter. "Kana, believe me when I say I brought her to you for your sake. I want you two to get along, but there was never a good opportunity for you two to meet that wouldn't jeopardize all of us, and I couldn't do that to you when you worked so hard. You don't have to believe me, but I truly do-"
"I don't think you understood me, and if you lie about caring one more time I'm gonna throw up," Kana interrupted one more time. "There's nothing more for you and I to say to each other. Hey, how about this: I forgive you, alright? Thanks for apologizing for ditching me for half of my life. Despite everything, I forgive you. There. We're as good as strangers now. So now you don't have to keep pretending to care and you can focus on your daughter." If it meant this woman would finally leave Kana's heart alone, then any amount of pride she had to swallow would be well worth it.
"You are my daughter, Kana, and I care about you," Mrs. Arima insisted, finally breaking her posture to take one of Kana's hands. "I just- I'm sorry."
The actress shook her mother off, walking past the duo toward her dressing room. "For Asumi's sake I hope that's not true. Mem, make sure the coast is clear before you see them out."
The door to her dressing room was slammed behind her. Kana hadn't realized how pissed she was until the opportunity to be alone presented herself. She slammed a hand down on the table in front of her, scattering some magazines and a beret she'd discarded there earlier. "Why the hell would you even bother, mom? Was I that much of a washed-up failure that starting over with a bastard kid was a better option? No. I survived you. I did everything you asked, and you still turned your back on me. Stop giving a shit, Kana. She's just a narcissist that can't hurt you anymore. You can't fall apart, it's what she wants. You… ugh. Damn it. DAMN IT!" She collapsed on the couch, suddenly feeling exhausted.
Time passed for Kana in the form of the cheers of the audience around her finally petering out and dying. The post-show would probably start soon, but Kana had no energy to move. She had no reason to care what her mother did. The woman had actively tried to ruin her life when Kana hadn't done exactly what she wanted. Yet there was still a hole in Kana's heart right where she'd left it, and seeing her again hadn't done anything to make it go away. Before Kana could decide what to do, Mem was standing over her pensively. "They're gone. I think nobody saw."
"Alright."
"Did you mean what you said?"
"About not wanting to see her again? Obviously. Saitou and the others can figure out how the hell to spin this."
Mem didn't say anything for a minute. "Okay. I won't press you any further. Take your time getting ready. Nobody will bother you, and I'll stall them for as long as I need to." With that, she retreated to her own dressing room.
"Mem?" Kana called out as the door opened.
Mem didn't respond, but when the door didn't close, Kana assumed she was listening. "Sorry you had to see that. You're a good friend."
"I know. Remember that next time I ask you to take an interview for me, 'kay? And keep your chin up. We'll get through this together, just like always." With that, the door was shut.
Kana forced herself to get up. She was stronger than this. Aqua couldn't be helped if she was crumbling at every little obstacle. It would be nice to have him here, but he'd probably end up spouting some nonsense about forgiving her and pissing Kana off all over again when the job was already done. Yes, she'd faced this challenge and overcome it. She was a professional, and professionals didn't lose their cool over minor inconveniences. Kana made her way over to the mirror. It was time to make herself ready to perform again. She was a genius child actor turned idol turned moderately successful actress, and she wouldn't buckle at a stumbling block this small. When Kana sat in front of the mirror to begin readying herself, she hesitated. The girl staring back at her had been crying. With a moment of hesitation, she wiped the tears away. Kana Arima the actress wasn't a girl who cried unless she was told to.
A/N TWO:
Hey, it's me again! I'm doing song notes at the top and chapter notes at the bottom now, because consistency is for squares until I find something I like. This chapter marks the climax of our first story arc, with one more chapter remaining before we get into the second major arc of the story. Hopefully the build-up has been worth it. Since the next chapter is a bit shorter, I'm hoping to get it out sooner, but no promises lol. I'm very much looking forward to what people have to say about this chapter, so please consider commenting. Regardless, thanks for continuing to read this far, and please look forward to arc 1's conclusion!