Creation began on 07-03-19
Creation ended on 07-09-19
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Grimoire of Evangelion: I will do what I must
A/N: Sometimes, people's convictions are not always the same due to individual desires, some not as tolerable as others can be.
Yui found the company of the other people in the Golden Dawn, including her brother, to be hard to comprehend due to their behaviors. It was as though these people, her brother included, had no idea how much science and technology had yet to be seen in advancement here due to their reliance upon the use of magic. She felt like she was the only person that believed in science and technology that could reduce their dependence on magic and they just ignored the possibilities. Not that she shared this with any of them.
"What's gotten you in a mood, Yui?" Tenshi asked her in the hallway of their squad's headquarters.
She turned to face him and answered, "I honestly don't get anyone here. They don't…don't seem too invested in advancement."
"You can't expect the people here to just open up to something that they don't understand the way you do so suddenly, even after you join a squad. It's just…not the way they adjust to change. Leave it alone for now. See the world the way they do, learn from them and discover the culture they grew up with."
"How do you get along with any of them?"
"I only ever speak with two of them. They're of the nobility, but they're tolerable towards people that don't live like they do or have any social status that's befitting of them. You know Klaus and Mimosa from our dungeon mission two months ago; they're not like the other members of the Golden Dawn. They're not…"
"They're not what?"
"Elitists, Yui. They're not elitists. They don't obsess over the nobility and their power and don't cling to the old ways."
"But your status is just like theirs; you're recognized as a noble…or royal…or whatever they choose to address you as, and you're clearly a lot stronger than you let on…but you act nothing like them."
"Everyone is different, Yui. If we all thought the same way, there'd be no individuality, no free will or sense of fulfillment in our lives. My nobility status doesn't change the fact that I prefer casual clothing over elegant ones, that I like to eat simple meals over extravagant ones that some believe that only the wealthy can possess the rights to consume, or that when it comes to my perception on people, I can't be biased about who deserves to be protected from harm…and who doesn't, who has the right to make something of themselves…and who needs to be kept from trying to make their ambitions a reality. Inequality is universal, but isn't absolute."
"You make it sound like it's possible for everyone to be equal, when it seems more like a falsehood belief than something else."
"I lived over fifty years in exile, and they were spent in a place where it felt like the people there literally ate mana more than they did regular food. You grew up around those people, and I had to see them in all their forms, good, bad, crazy, unstable, wealthy, poor, bright, dumb, angelic and creepy. And you know the difference between the people here…and there?"
"Surprise me, brother."
"The only thing different between them is that the people of the Clover Kingdom aren't all obsessed with something unrealistic or out of sync with the way the world functions…while some of the people back there in the other universe, in places like Japan, have the keys to the world and decide what's right and what's wrong, what is a rule and what is a crime, and what should be attempted over what should be ignored. Despite my position as an aged otaku, I'm a lot smarter than I appear, and that, along with my sense of alienation around various people, was probably the reason I never could feel like I belonged over there. It was a nice place before Second Impact, but after that catastrophe caused by the minority to maim the majority, the only good it does now is deluding people that miss the old days before the day half the whole world went away and devolving the younger generation with a damaged education system."
"I'm sorry, a damaged education system?"
"That's how Shinji described it when I asked him back in Tokyo-3. One of his school's teachers is an elderly man that drones on and on about nothing but the history that was after Second Impact, nothing about before, which is real history; World War Two, how Tokyo became the capital of Japan, regular chitchat about Nagasaki or Osaka. Just hearing the same aftermath story over and over again makes for a damaged education system; nobody of the younger generation was truly learning anything that would help them to fix any of the mistakes the previous generation made."
"You do know that you refer to the both of us when you say 'previous generation', right?"
"It depends on how you choose to view it. For some, it refers to those that leave behind information to help shape the minds of those looking to learn from their mistakes. For others, it's those that have children and try to steer them clear of the faults of the past. 'Previous generation' has many meanings."
"The previous generation was still trying to fix their mistakes, you know."
"That…also depends upon how one chooses to view their methods on how to fix their mistakes."
"And how exactly does a member of the previous generation fix their mistakes, Mr. Ikari?" They both looked behind Yui and saw Langris Vaude, who had been eavesdropping on their conversation. "How does a previous generation help to correct their own faults so that the younger generation isn't burdened with their transgressions until who-knows-when?"
"It depends upon the mistakes," Tenshi told him, being simple. "They can be anything, major or minor, simple or complexed."
"Oh, you mean, like the mistake two of your relatives made by joining the Black Bulls instead of one of the other good squads that don't bring shame to the Clover Kingdom?" He asked, referring to Shinji and Suki. "They could've chosen golden eggs, but instead they chose bad apples."
"My younger sister and nephew didn't shame anyone with their decision to join the Black Bulls. It was their choice, based solely on their personal perceptions of each squad. In what way was it a mistake for them to join that particular squad?"
"Look at the Black Bulls' history, and you'll see that they're a failing squad. They cause more problems than the problems that already exist. Each member is a disgrace to the kingdom, be it an unstable person with a fixation on battling, a royal that can't control her magic, a nobleman with a criminal record, a kid with no magic and my own brother, whose own magic is poorly developed. No matter how you look at them, they're a disgrace, and your relatives chose them."
Yui could've spoken, but there was nothing to respond about; her personal studies on the individual members of the Magic Knights listed several of the Black Bulls as mediocre mages at best, with their squad captain holding the rank of Grand Magic Knight, with all the other members being Junior Magic Knights, including her son and elder sister. And worse was that many of them had been with the same rank for several years, meaning none of them had done much, if anything at all, to progress further in the magical arts. But Shinji chose to join them, and the reason for why was beyond her. It wasn't like she could just come out and ask him why, out of all the squads that wanted him on their side, he would join the black sheep of the squads that offered no real promise of advancement.
"Well, I gotta give my nephew props for choosing the Black Bulls," Tenshi said. "They did the one thing for him that the other squads couldn't do after he picked them."
"Which was what, exactly?" Langris asked, curious to know himself.
"They impressed him."
"What?" Yui asked her brother. "They impressed him?"
"That's right. They impressed him…and they still impress him, regardless of their faults. It takes a lot to impress him the way they've done so, and in recent events, from what has been disclosed about the Black Bull member with the criminal record, he had his record expunged after the truth about how his parents were killed came out. And from what my nephew tells me, the royal that can't control her magic…has been making strides in her training with him since he started working each of his squad mates to the bone."
"Your nephew has been training the Black Bulls since he joined them? That's disappointing. Nothing is more disgraceful than working hard to become strong."
"A strong person that has known power all their life may eventually lose respect for it, while a weak person will learn of power's true value…among other things."
"You make it sound as though it's not a bad thing to be a weakling."
"That's because it's not a bad thing to be a weakling. You start out as weak…but over time, you gain strength and experience, eventually becoming strong."
"Sounds like hard work."
"Bitter work, yes…but it's only through that…can the expectant results be achieved and made worth the efforts thrown in."
Langris simply laughed it off and walked away.
"Whatever," he said to them. "In the end, nobody will ever be as strong as I am."
"Nothing lasts forever," went Yui. "Eventually, all things return to nothing."
Langris stopped at the way the lady Ikari spoke those choice of words.
Tenshi, despite his silent agreeing with the first half of what his little sister expressed, widened his eyes at the second half she uttered; it was just the way she said that seemed…horrid and…almost intentional.
"What was that?" Langris asked as he turned around to face Yui. "What you just said. 'All things return to nothing'? Nobody says that…unless they mean to do something that is…unforgivable and inescapable. Does she mean to do just that?"
"My sister here has a tendency to…or rather, had a tendency to be blunt with her words," Tenshi stated to the young man.
"Blunt or not, your sister here has managed to give me the creeps. I'll be keeping as far away from her as possible."
Langris then stepped into a portal that formed behind him and left elsewhere.
"Yui," Tenshi sighed, "what you just said to him was very hurtful…and disrespectful."
"What? I was only stating a truth."
"It's the way you said it that's looked down upon. Nobody says what you just said unless they're out to do something that is unforgivable and inescapable. To say that all things return to nothing is to invoke an omen of the highest sort that promises dread."
"It's not like I actually meant anything by that."
"Just…be mindful of your choice of words next time. That's not something you want to say in any conversation. I once fought a guy that said that to me when I was starting out as a Magic Knight years before our family went into self-imposed exile…and he ended up paying a high price for his actions."
"What was his penance?"
"He was murdered by one of his own spells. He was warned not to use a spell he had no understanding of, but chose to ignore the signs at every opportunity he had to turn away. Truth be told, it was the first time I ever saw anyone die because of their own arrogance in thinking they could do something they knew was wrong and attempt to justify it by saying they were going to help the people around them. But believe me, there's no justifying anything of that sort."
-x-
"…So, Yui has managed to frighten one of the Golden Dawn members away with her choice of words?" Rika asked her son in a conversation between them late in the night, using her Communication Magic tool.
"Unfortunately, yes," Tenshi explained. "I'm not sure why she even said what she said, but I worry that she's up to something. Our squad's lack of missions has left her with a lot of time on her hands, but she spends them either at the library or in her room. Has she made any attempt to contact you, Suki or Shinji?"
"I don't think she even knows that she can keep in touch with us," Rika informed him. "I've been getting letters from you, Suki and Shinji, but I don't think she's ever gotten the letter I sent her. What do you suppose she's up to?"
"Considering that I have my reasons not to disbelieve she's up to no good, probably experimenting on her magic, trying to put science into something sacred."
"Be careful, though. Whatever Shinji told us about NERV can be expanded upon with what we discovered from Yui's memories and still leaves much to be discovered because what they both know can only tell us so much."
"But Shinji's the only one out of the two that deserves the benefit of the doubt due to being ignorant of his parents' goals; it's not everyday you find out your parents are truly up to no good that will harm a lot of people. Even if they didn't have a direct hand in the devastation from fifteen years ago, I can still see them as having some responsibility for the fallout."
"There's plenty of blame to go around for those responsible. Whether or not Yui tries to seek forgiveness for her actions depends upon her personal ambitions. I'm hoping that she does want forgiveness for her involvement and give up on what she used to believe in what she was doing when she was at this GEHIRN organization."
"You confided in me what the Wizard King informed you about the prophecy that formed after our return. I am grateful for you keeping me in the loop and accepting my keeping tabs on Yui as much as possible, but tell me one thing: Do you believe the prophecy is false, that we're being played and nothing terrible is going to happen?"
"I don't believe the prophecy is entirely solid, because it doesn't say for sure which one of us is the one with treacherous intent, only that it's one of us that will disgrace our family while another one will redeem it. As far as I care to admit, it could be any one of us that has the intent to hurt others. Our thoughts become actions…and our actions decide whether we're helpful or hurtful to others."
Tenshi sighed and nodded over her belief. No matter what people said or did, it would always be their words and actions that decide who they were to others, not some foretelling of a warning.
"Maybe next month, we should all get together," he suggested to her. "We might be Magic Knights now, but we can still get together for dinner or an activity."
"Yeah," she agreed. "I'd like that, Tenshi. I'd like that a lot."
-x-
Even if she only said it once, it was enough to make Langris want nothing to do with Yui Ikari. His view on the woman that was an intermediary between noble and commoner was damn-near no different from his disgust with Finral, whom he heard a rumor on being trained by the Black Bulls' new member, the woman's son, Shinji Ikari, who he could care less about if it weren't for the fact that he showed up all the Magic Knights that day Rades broke out of prison and attacked Kikka. But out of the two, it was the boy's mother that disturbed him more than the boy himself that should've, and only because of what she said. And in addition, she was a woman that was said to frown upon magic in favor of this…science from this other world House Ikari had been exiled to.
This woman has something in her that's disturbing and troublesome, he thought as he was slicing through stone with his Spatial Magic in a canyon. She's like that purple behemoth that appeared in that decrepit village House Ikari chose to settle in: Mysterious and potentially dangerous, someone to steer clear of.
As another large piece of stone came falling off on account of his magic, Langris switched his thoughts to his brother. The fact that he was getting trained by House Ikari's youngest member led him to wonder just how powerful the boy truly was. If Finral was showing signs of improvement, then it was safe to say that his big brother was taking his Spatial Magic seriously, just not as serious as he did, though.
-x-
Lying in her bed in her quarters, Yui pondered what to do about her relationships, or rather, her lack of relationships with the Golden Dawn. In her own mind, she was progressing well for a Junior Magic Knight, even though there hadn't been many missions…and her list of spells were minor at best because there were some she was keeping away from people because she didn't want to share them just them. Despite her advancement in magic, she still tried to force a sense of logic into the measuring of her spells and mana reserves.
"This is a world where magic is everything, Yui," she remembered Suki telling her during their training regimen with Tenshi. "You can't put math or theories or whatever it is you do into something that has no need for it. A Fire Magic spell only requires the will of the mage that uses it, just as a magic bullet requires the mana we use to be effective against whatever or whoever we use it against."
Still, Yui couldn't let go of her preferences just because of where she currently resided. She was a scientist, first and foremost, and a Magic Knight second. As long as she held onto her belief that this magic she practiced could be applied scientifically to her skillset, she could surpass the others and reach her goal.
"Huh?" She went as she looked over at her desk, seeing a glowing space atop it. "What is this?"
She got up and walked over, seeing that the glow came from three closed envelops. The glow came off them and floated in front of her face.
"This is a reminder, Yui Ikari," a female voice uttered to her, "you have not answered your mail received from your mother, elder sister or son since they were brought over nearly two-and-a-half months ago."
"I had totally forgotten that I get mail here," Yui told herself; it had been too long since she had gotten something as simple as a letter from anyone.
Time in the Eva didn't stop her from recalling the times when people had to rely on the postal service to send and receive mail, but the way she learned that the postal service in the Clover Kingdom left her feeling more…miffed over how the people here were overly dependent upon magic for all of their needs. Even her recent research on the history of the kingdom left her desiring some improvement. There was nothing wrong with advancement, even a little advancement, but these people…were just too primitive to her liking. Not even the smartest of men and women here, including those of the Magic Knights, were smart enough to rival her intellect because they were medieval, not modern.
"And they tell me to give this place a chance," she sighs as she opens Shinji's letter first to see what his life with his and Suki's squad was like and sits down.
"Dear Mother," it started, "how are you doing within the Golden Dawn? I'm doing fine within the Black Bull with Suki. Our squad mates are quite the crazy bunch since we met them. One of them, Grey, whom we met before, has a difficult time trying to be herself around us. She hides who she is by being someone else from time to time. Then, there's Luck Voltia, the young man that loves to fight. He probably loves to fight a little too much that he can't think of something else to love just as much. Mister Finral Roulacase once tried to hit on Suki, but she had to let him down on account of not being interested in him. I think he's something of a womanizer and a person that wishes for the others in the squad to respect him due to either his age or his rank; excluding our captain, it turns out the majority of all the Black Bull members are Junior Magic Knights ranging from Fifth Class to First Class. No doubt each one is a lot stronger than their ranking proclaims them to be…and they can get stronger. I guess before I call it a night, I'll say this about my initial expectations of the Black Bulls: I thought I wasn't going to fit in with this weird bunch that show potential and unpredictability…but now I think I'm going to do just fine with them. I hope you get along with everyone in the Golden Dawn. They're supposed to be the best of the Magic Knights, but I just couldn't see myself being one of them. It's probably something to do with perfection, which I can't do. I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. I am flawed, I have issues, but I admit to it. I cop to it…and I'm okay with that. Anyway, write back soon. I look forward to hearing from you about your time as a Magic Knight. There's so much to learn and so many people to protect. We have the authority of the Wizard King to keep them safe from harm. Love, Shinji."
Again, Yui sighed as she set the letter down. Her son was doing fine, despite the fact that a group of rogue mages had deemed him, her sister and this orphan by the name of Asta a threat to them because of their magic (or strange lack of magic, thereof, in Asta's case). Then, she realized something that she believed to be the truth: Shinji was adjusting to this world better than she was because he believed in everything her mother and Tenshi had ever said to him about it, and it was like he could fit in, despite not belonging to this world like the rest of their family. Turning to her grimoire, opened it to one of the pages that was displaying a spell in-progress of being completed, and one that she was looking to using later on.
"I'll rise through the ranks as best as I can," she decided. "Once I get far enough, I decide where to go from then on."
To be continued…
A/N: It almost makes it seem like Yui's keeping away from Shinji, even though he's trying to reach out to her and explain bits about his life with the Black Bull squad. What do you think?