Chapter 92: Let's start this again shall we?
'Don't let happiness sneak through your fingers because of old angers and mistakes.'
-Lyn Denison
Joel arrived promptly at Maria's house at exactly four forty fifty five in the evening. Becca was already waiting for him out on the front porch. He told her to dress for riding. She wore jeans, riding boots and a flannel. It looked to be a bright sunny day and she wore her cowboy hat to shield her from the sun.
He also told her to get Luna prepared. Whatever the hell that means. Luna is was a horse he had given to her for their first year wedding anniversary. She was a beauty. Black and white. She was a young at only four years old. He found her abandoned on one of his hunting trips.
Becca fell in love with her right away. She was a gentle horse, but fierce with a mischievous streak. She tried to hop the fence a few times before Joel got smarter and raised the fences higher. Becca trained her and she's become well behaved. She cherished her. While she couldn't take the place of Sadie and Dusty, she was one of her own.
She stepped off the porch, smiling when she saw Joel's horse, Chaos. A lot of people thought it was a silly name for a horse, but many didn't know him.
It was a fitting name, but he was a hell of a cutting and riding horse.He was made to be a ranching horse. He was a young horse himself at only five years old. Joel found him and Luna, cold and starving together.
The two horses were always excited to see each other. They neighed as Chaos steered Joel towards Luna, cursing as he jerked him sideways. They didn't know if the two horses were related, but they were close.
Family.
Joel managed to get himself off the horse unscathed. She bit her bottom lip to suppress her grin. She couldn't help herself. She was excited. This is their first date after two weeks, after their break. She didn't want another mishap like before. Hopefully Tony helped them handle it better next time.
She still felt the fluttering in the pit of her stomach whenever she looked at him. The denim jeans that clung to his strong thighs and the dark green flannel he wore. She was always used to him in flannels and jeans, but she doesn't get the opportunity to appreciate him very often. She wondered if she ever truly did.
He took off his cowboy hat and dusted it off as he walked over to her. His riding boots weren't polished and she wondered why it even mattered. Not when he was looking at her like that.
He sauntered over to her slowly and she narrowed her eyes, placing her hands on her hips,'No offense, but are you drunk?'
He rolled his eyes and laughed,'No, smartass. I'm happy. Today's a good day.'
He walked closer to her and placed his hand on her arm, leaning down to kiss her cheek,'Did you have a good day, Becca?
She laughed and shook her head,'Not as good as you apparently.'
She noticed he was growing his beard in again. She took a deep breath as he gently tugged at her braid, looking over her face. He seemed like he was in a jovial mood today. He seemed excited.
Something changed for him. For the better. Would she still be privileged enough for him to share that information with her?
He frowned and clicked his tongue at her,'Well then. We might just have to change that.' He jerked his head towards the horses,'I figured we go on a ride. I got a little place in mind.' He winked,'And no asking for hints. Ya little miss fuckin nosy.' He cleared his throat,'Then I planned for us to have dinner at the barn back at the farm.' He shoved his hands into the front pockets and shrugged,'If you're comfortable with that.'
She smiled softly. The way he asked her. So shy and unsure. He could he really sweet sometimes. It's one of the many reasons why she fell in love with him in the first place. She seemed to have forgotten that along the way.
'I would love that.' She smiled shyly and folded her hands behind her back,'It sounds romantic.'
'I'm the King of romance, darling.' He smirked,'Just you fuckin wait.'
Her eyes slowly lowered up and down the length of him, sending chills down his spine, but in a good way. He remembered the Joel Miller before all this. Back when he actually had skills with women. He was actually sensitive and could carry on a decent conversation with someone.
He lost that along the way. His humanity and the ability to communicate his feelings directly. He wanted to show her more of the sweet and vulnerable side of himself.
She leaned up and brushed a lock of curly hair away from his forehead,'I'll follow ya anywhere, cowboy.'
He laughed at that. Somehow he believed there. They've been through hell and back, but somehow they managed to stick together. Albeit in some ways.
Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy. It's what Tony keeps telling them in every session. He believed it. He knew she did too. They wouldn't be here right now if they didn't.
He gently patted her lower back and nodded towards the horses,'Let's get going.'
She laughed as she followed him over to the horses. Whenever they had plans, he always wanted to make sure they were on time. It didn't matter the occasion. Betsy told her punctuality is something special in a man. She thought he was pretty special all around.
They got on their horses and she followed Joel's lead. He said he had something special in mind, another one of his surprises. From spending time with Joel, she's come to realize how much he loves surprises. Especially when they're for people he really cares about.
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They rode for almost a mile out of town. Their horses crossed a small stream and the sun was just beginning to set. She wondered where they were going.
When they came up on an embankment, Joel reigned in his horse. She stopped Luna as she stood along next to him.
Joel looked over at her and nodded down the hill,'Surprise.'
She followed his gaze and her eyes widened when she saw a small fishing cabin. It was situated down by a small lake. The cabin was made up out of logs and had a sturdy looking roof. The structure looked to be of Joel's making and standards.
'This is yours?'
He shook his head and grinned,'This is ours.' He leaned his arms on the pommel of the saddle and sighed deeply,'I came across this spot a few years ago. I know ya thought I was building us a house, but I think the farm we have is just fine. It just needs some more work and extensions. I remember ya talking about taking the kids fishing in the summer. This looked like a good of place as any.'
Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head in disbelief. He did all this. Throughout everything else going on in his life, he managed to do something special for their family.
We. Ours.
Just two simple words, but they meant so much to her. He was including her in his plans for the future. He wanted her to be apart of his life.
He smirked at the look on her face and pulled on the reigns, 'Come and see what I did.'
Chaos excitedly galloped down the hill as she chased on Luna after them.
She dug Luna's heels into the ground and posted her up. Joel was standing on the porch with the door already opened. He had a broad smile on his face, looking pleased as punch. This is what he was excited to show her.
He motioned with his hands inside the house,'My lady.'
She laughed and shook her head as he took her hand and led her inside. Her eyes widened as she looked around the cabin. It was small with only a queen sized bed, a couch and dining area. There was as coal fire stove and fireplace. It seemed cozy with the hardwood floors and the beautiful view overlooking the lake.
He took his riding gloves off and tucked them into his back pocket,'I figured you could spruce up the place a little. El could hang some of her paintings and you could put some stuff in here.' He shrugged,'I know it's small, but I don't see El coming up here with us every time.'
She looked over at the singular bed, smiling to herself. He finished this cabin with full knowledge of their separation. Yet he still considered her apart of it. She'll love him forever for that.
She looked around the cabin as she stepped into the small kitchen area,'It's perfect, Joel.' She looked up at him and shook her head in disbelief,'Not a damned thing needs to be changed. What made ya show me this now?'
He shoved his hands into his front pockets and sighed,'Remember when I told ya I had something important to tell ya?' He waited for her to nod her head,'I've been thinking a lot over the past few months. While I enjoy helping out in town. Between rebuilding and working on the farm, this old man's tired. I can't keep doing both, Bec.' He took a deep breath,'After the memorial's finished I'm gonna retire and just stick to ranching. I'll help out when I can, but I wanna be able to spend more time with Matty. I wanna be able to play and run around with him while I can. I spent so many years of my life running.'
'You wanna take the time to breathe.'
'Yeah.' He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall,'Am I being selfish?'
'No.' She shook her head and sighed,'I think you're realizing that you don't owe anyone anything. You've done so much for Jackson already. You killed and almost died for them. It's why I left nursing. I didn't feel…satisfied. I want to spend more time doing what I want too. This place is gorgeous, Joel. I…wanna spend time here too. Fishing and getting away from Jackson for a little bit. Just like we talked about.'
He was silent for a few moments before he walked over to the couch, sitting on the arm of it,'I tried to go up to Arrowhead and fish. It didn't feel the same, ya know? With Tommy gone, I didn't feel right being there. Felt like I was fishing with his ghost.'
She snorted softly and walked over to him. He spread his legs so she could stand in between them. He didn't make any attempts to touch her though.
She placed her hands on his shoulders, looking over his face,'Thank you for including me in this, Joel. It means a lot to me.'
He sighed as he lightly placed his hands on her waist,'When I told ya I didn't want any of this with no one but you I meant it.' He shrugged,'When things went to shit I told ya nothings changed and I'll mean that for the rest of our lives. Separated or not. It doesn't mean shit to me.'
She blinked away tears as she cupped his cheek,'I'm proud of you for retiring. Did you tell anyone else yet?'
'Nope.' His eyes met hers and he had a very serious look on his face,'You're the first person I wanted to tell. It's a decision we make together.'
'I'm still your wife.'
'And I'm your husband.'
They didn't ask nor was it possessive. It was a simple fact. Nothings changed.
He gently squeezed her waist, not being able to help himself,'I just finished it the other day. You're the first person that's seen it.'
She smiled softly and wrapped her arms around his neck,'Hmm, only our fourth date and you're already building me things. How can I top that wooing?'
He laughed and shook his head,'Ain't no one keeping score, baby.'
His eyes looked down at her mouth and he quickly averted his gaze. That was dangerous territory. Since their two week break, he's read through her letters over and over again. He thought about the way she tasted, tossing and turning in the bed.
She's one of the reasons why he built the thing so damned fast. Whenever he couldn't sleep, (which has been a lot lately), he would come here and work on the cabin. He always knew he was good at building things, but he's never enjoyed it when he got literal money for it. He just saw it as a job, but whenever he built something and see how happy people were when they saw it; everything was worth it. All the long hours, frustration and sweat. It was all worth it when he saw the happiness elucidated in their eyes.
It didn't seem like work. It felt like something he needed to do, but Becca was right. For almost eight years, he's dedicated himself to this town. His whole entire life he's worked and worked for other people, never asking anything in return. It was about damned time he relax for the rest of his life and do what he wanted.
He focused his gaze over her shoulder at the wall in front of him, anywhere but her mouth,'So, you turn forty next month.'
'Don't remind me.'
He gently shook her and snorted,'It looks damn good on ya. I meant, I know ya don't like surprise parties. I ain't gonna do that to ya, but I wanna do something nice. Maybe something with the family and then us.'
She arched her eyebrow as she looked over his face,'Just us, huh?'
He bit his bottom lip and nodded,'Yeah.' He still couldn't fully bring himself to look at her,'I was thinking we could come here for the weekend. I know Tony said it might be good for us to get away. Is it too soon?'
She thought about it for a moment. She looked over at the only bed, feeling hesitant about it. She didn't think they were ready for that yet.
Joel followed her line of sight and shook his head,'I wasn't asking ya to come up here and have a fuck fest. Me and my hand have been getting along just fine.' He sighed,'I wasn't expecting anything. I'll sleep on the couch. I just want to spend some alone time with you. Not for a few hours or a few minutes. Not glimpses of ya working on the memorial garden or on the farm. With Tony or someone else around. Just me and you. I think we need that.'
Becca nodded and smiled tearfully,'I think we need that too. Let's do it. We'll have to arrange for someone to babysit Matty.'
'I already have it taken care of.'
Becca's eyes widened and she grinned,'Mighty presumptuous of you isn't it?'
He rubbed her arms and smirked,'Ladies can't resist my charm.' He squinted his eyes,'I meant what I said though. I'll be a perfect gentleman.'
'I know that.' She leaned in closer to him,'I've never worried that around you, Joel. Ever.'
She said those words loud and clear, firmly meeting his gaze. He's expressed his fears to her that she saw him as a Firefly, but he wasn't a cruel rapist. She's never been afraid of him. Not even in the beginning. She always feels safe with him. Even when others wouldn't.
They always got each other out of alive. That's their motto. It hasn't failed them yet. They wished they could say the same for Tommy.
She surprised him by wrapping her arms around his midsection and sighed deeply into his chest,'Fucking forty.'
He smirked and rubbed her back,'Try fifty seven, darling. We're only as old as we feel. Sometimes I wake up feeling younger or older. The latter being most days.' He looked down at her and sighed,'If I can be forthright. You look better now than ya ever did before.'
'So do you.' Her eyes looked him over and she shook her head,'I saw pictures of you when you were younger, but I prefer you now.'
He scoffed and looked away,'Grayer?'
'Happy.'
He felt the lump in his throat and quickly swallowed it down. He coughed slightly and kissed her forehead, whispering,'I am happy, Bec. Ya know I ain't happy bout some things.'
She closed her eyes as she felt his lips lingering against her forehead, but she didn't make any attempts to pull away from him,'Neither am I, but I think getting away will be a good thing. We can celebrate my birthday and your retirement.'
'Retirement.' His words were mumbled against her skin as he kissed her forehead again,'Never thought I'd live to see the day.'
She rested her head against his chest, reveling in these small touches and affection,'You're living, sweetheart.' She kissed his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat against her lips,'You're alive.'
He couldn't help the tears that formed in his eyes as she slid his hands up and down her back,'We're alive. We made it out, darling.'
She nodded as he gently cupped the back of her head, stroking his hair. He was being so tender with her. This was okay. They could give this to each other. Comfort.
She smiled when she saw he was still wearing the bracelet she gave him at the Spring Festival. She still wore her necklace. They never took off their wedding rings either. It didn't feel right. When they put them back on their fingers in Arrowhead, they swore to never remove them. They planned to make good on that promise.
Joel cupped her cheek and stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. He looked over her face and shook his head,'I look forward to this, ya know?'
'I know.' She nodded her head understandingly,'I get excited to spend time alone with you. I didn't like the last two weeks. I don't like not talking to you.'
He sighed and cupped her face in his hands,'I hate it too.' He leaned in closer to her and rested his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and sighed as he breathed her in, whispering,'I swear I didn't bring ya up here to get close to ya.'
She laughed softly and placed her hands on his chest, whispering back,'We're grown adults who share a child together, Joel. Even if we ended up with other people, we'll always be close.'
'Why?' He grinned as he placed his hand on her lower back, pulling her closer to him,'You got another fella in mind?'
'Oh yeah.' She smirked,'Way younger than me.' She cocked her head to the side,'Come to think of it. He looks a lot like you.'
He shook his head and laughed,'I always lose em to the younger ones.' His face became serious as his eyes met hers,'You could always come up here too on your own. Whenever ya wanna get away. It's as much yours as it is mine.'
'Thank you.' She rubbed his chest soothingly,'How about this be our place? Whenever we wanna sneak away. Even if it's just for a little bit.'
His eyes searched her face as he heard the way her voice became deeper, almost promising. She's becoming bolder with flirting recently. Her letters to him shock him. He didn't think she was capable of having a filthy mouth like that, but she was always surprising him. She had a sensual and deeply passionate side to her. She spoke eloquently, but there was fire and desire behind her words. Erotic sounded too cheesy in his head.
Loving. That's the word. She trusted him enough to share her deep dark desires with him. She was being open with her sexuality. He longed for the day when she could say those words rather than write them on a sheet of paper, but her letters would sustain him for now.
He licked his eyes as he openly stared at her ass in her jeans,'Ya mean if I ever feel the need to make ya scream in the middle of the day?'
'Even on a Sunday.' She smirked,'Twice.'
He felt his cock twitch at that. It's been so long for them. Tony said not to look at it as a length of time, but the focus on building up true intimacy so their next time will be that much better.
Since their sessions, he's already noticed a change in the way he looked at her intimately. He was getting to know her on a deeper level. They were deeply connected. Recently, his orgasms have been so intense he almost passed out. That was on merely thoughts alone. He couldn't imagine what the real thing would be like between them.
He looked at her mouth again. She was staring up at him expectantly, as if she were waiting for him to do or say something. He didn't know which was worse. He was tired of the overthinking and scrutinizing his every move, wondering if it's the right thing to do.
Deciding to blow caution to the wind, he held her face in his hands and leaned down, pressing his lips against hers. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly recovered and leaned up on her tiptoes to cup the back of his neck.
She eagerly reciprocated the kiss, opening her mouth for him as he sucked her tongue into his mouth. He groaned softly at her taste, the sound reverberating into her mouth, making her entire body shiver. The kiss was slow, but desperate as their tongues tangled together.
She gently fisted his curls into her hand as he placed a firm hand on her lower back, pulling her closer to him. She gently tugged on his hair and he growled softly, pressing his chest against hers. Their eyes were closed as their tongues slowly tangled together. They savored each others' tastes, relishing in being close like this.
There wasn't anything wrong with this. They were two consenting adults and this was their 'fourth date'. There wasn't anything wrong with this. They were allowed to kiss. Physical contact was apart of being intimate as well. Tony was grateful physical attraction still existed between them.
They reluctantly pulled away from each other before it could go any farther. They rested their foreheads against each other as they regained their breaths. His hands were on her waist and hers were wrapped around his neck. The cabin was pitch silent except for their labored breathing.
He licked the taste of her off his lips and chuckled slightly, rubbing her hips,'Don't want ya thinking I brought ya up here just for that.' He shrugged,'I don't wanna cross any boundaries.'
She sighed and rubbed his chest,'I'll tell ya if any boundaries are crossed. A little kissing definitely never hurt anybody.'
'You'll tell me if I any cross any boundaries though?'
She nodded and smiled softly,'I'll tell ya. Just as long as you do the same.'
He grinned and shook his head,'Honey, there ain't much boundaries I ain't willing to cross.'
She didn't laugh, but kept her eyes determinedly on his. He stood up straight and nodded, knowing she meant business,'I swear.' He gently squeezed her shoulders,'I noticed I'm happier when I know I'm your happy.' He sighed,'That don't mean I'm reliant on ya or some shit.' He took a moment, groaning in frustration at himself,'I meant when everything is good between us. Since we've really been talking. I've been happier.'
'Me too. I finally realized we've been so miserable because there was so much we were so afraid to say and didn't need to be.' She frowned,'Things are easier when ya don't have to hide things all the time. Since we've been getting out everything in the open. I've noticed a shift in me too. I'm…happier. I feel an easiness between us.'
He took her hand and smiled softly,'Me too. That's why we gotta continue to talk about things.' He gently tugged on her hand,'Let me show ya the lake. I can't wait to take Matty out on the boat to fish.'
She laughed as she ran outside with him. He brought her down to the lake and pointed out some good fishing spots to her. The lake was beautiful at night, with clear water and a steady stream. She could see down into the lake and there were some shallow points to stand and fish. She couldn't wait to bring Matty out here. It was probably beautiful during the day.
The sun set, making the air down by the lake chillier. They decided to head back to the farm where they would have dinner in the barn. After dinner, she would head back to Maria's. There wouldn't be any sleeping over. At least not tonight anyway.
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They rode slowly and leisurely back to the farm. The sun set and it was dark, but the light of the stars managed to guide them home. They talked a bit here and there, but mainly enjoyed the scenery. She loved the country at night. You could see the stars for miles.
There was a slight chill in the air, but the cold weather broke. It wouldn't be long before Summer arrived. Her favorite season.
They arrived at the farm and Joel escorted their horses into the stables. Ellie was back at the farmhouse watching Matty. She was given strict orders to leave them alone in the barn and to only come for them if it's a dire emergency.
It felt good to be back home. Even if it was just for a little while. It was nice to see the animals again. She's come to love and care for them.
Joel escorted Becca to the barn. He went back to the house to grab the food, leaving her alone.
Her eyes widened as she looked around. He cleaned up the place and expanded it. He added more shelves and repaired the loft. He even added another work bench. He extended it, giving him more room to work.
She smiled softly when she saw the table for two in the middle of the room. She saw a couple of roses from her garden in the vase on the middle of the table and nice silverware and dining set. He even had candle on the table. There was only the light lit in the loft, enveloping the room in a soft glow.
She shook her head in disbelief. It was so romantic. No one's ever treated her as good as he did. If only she would've let him.
She heard his heavy footsteps as he walked into the barn. He had a few serving dishes in his hands. She hurriedly walked over to him and grabbed one to help him, carrying it over to the dining table.
He smiled gratefully as he placed the plates on the table, looking over at her,'I just made some chicken and rice. Betsy made this lemon loaf thing she said ya like.'
Her eyes lit up as she peeked at the lemon loaf in his hands,'I love it. It's my favorite.'
'I know.' He smiled knowingly as he placed a bottle of red wine on the table,'For you. To have a glass with dinner.'
'Thank you.' She looked around the barn and sighed, shaking her head,'This is so romantic. What you did in here.'
He opened the red wine and grinned as he poured her a glass,'I told ya, darlin. I know a little bit about what we're doing here.'
He handed her the glass of wine while he poured himself a cup of coffee. He raised his glass to her and she did the same as they gently clinked their glasses together.
She met his gaze from across the table and smiled softly,'To us and this beautiful evening.'
'Fuckin A.'
She laughed as she took a seat and he sat down across from her.
He peeled back the protective covering of the chicken, rice and gravy. It looked and smelled delicious. She knew he cooked everything. Right down to killing and skinning the chicken. He provided for himself and his family.
He expected her to do the same. He never expected a woman to sit around and wait for him to be at her beck and call. That wasn't his style. He wanted a partner, in every sense of the word. It's what she intended to be for him. She refused to be anyone's voiceless and powerless sheep. Joel saw the strength in her she didn't see in herself at the time. She helped give her the courage to break out of that vicious cycle. He never asked anything from her. Only for her to be honest with him:
Just as she expected the same from him.
He let her get her food first before putting some onto his own plate. He waited for her to try the food first. He carefully watched her face as she took a bite of the chicken and rice smothered in gravy.
She closed her eyes and moaned softly, whispering,'This is so good. I've missed your cooking so much. You put love into it.'
He laughed as he started eating his own food,'I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with my Abuela.' His eyes studied her face as she enjoyed the food,'I miss ya being with me in the kitchen.' He took a bite of his food,'I miss ya being everywhere in the house.'
She took another sip of her wine. She felt her cheeks burning up at his admission. The kiss they shared earlier played over and over again in her mind. They've never kissed like that before.
Ever since they've began dating, their kisses felt different. There was more passion behind them.
Desire.
They could feel the white hot heat and simmering passion between them. It was an undeniable and heady feeling. Their intimacy was deepening. They were bonding and connecting. It felt like it was only going to get even better.
She finished off her plate and took a sip of her wine. She leaned over the table and gently clutched his hand,'That was amazing. Thank you for all this. It's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.'
His eyes widened as he took a sip of his water, shaking his head,'That ain't right. Every woman deserves romance. It ain't just about touching and fuckin.' He leaned back in his chair and smirked,'Kissing on the other hand.' She laughed at that and he shrugged,'I enjoy this too. Getting to know ya.'
'I enjoy this too.' She picked up the knife and began slicing the lemon loaf,'I used to love this when I was little. My grandma always used to make it. I used to love squeezing all the lemons and zesting them for her. No one else liked it in the house but me.'
Joel scrunched his nose up as he looked down at it,'It's not my thing.'
She looked up at him and frowned,'You're not having dessert?'
His eyes roved over her and grinned,'Who said I ain't?'
Her hands started shaking slightly. Not out of fear, but the way his voice became even deeper. He squinted his eyes as he looked at her with a determined look on his face.
Game over.
She slid the fork of the dessert into her mouth and savored the bite. His eyes never left her mouth. She slowly licked her lips and quickly looked up at him, seeing him intently staring at her.
She took a few more bites of her dessert and dipped her wine. She was having her second glass, which would be her last. She had a buzz, but she didn't want to get drunk. She wanted to respected him, but didn't want to forget a moment about this night. It was one of the best of her entire life.
She folded her hands on the table and looked up at him, shaking her head as she stared at him.
'What?' He laughed as he touched his mustache,'I got something on my face?'
She laughed and rolled her eyes. He always said that whenever she looked at him.
'This just…has just been a really great night. You're fun.'
He nodded and snorted,'Who knew right?' He motioned his hands between them,'This is going good. Right.'
He abruptly stood up, leaving her no room for response. He held his index finger up and smirked,'Your man may just have one more trick up his sleeve.'
She laughed as he rolled the sleeves of his flannel up. He untucked it from his jeans and she noticed he must've taken his belt off in the house. His long curly hair was wild from his hat and the wind. Her hair was a mess too, but she's never felt sexier.
This did feel right. She used to resent the simplicity with him. After the civil war, she felt bored and almost trapped. She was constantly on the farm, cleaning and being around Matty twenty four seven while Joel worked all the time. Her therapist called it postpartum depression. She called it a lot of things.
Joel seemed to recognize he neglected her as well. They've realized through marriage counseling one of their biggest issues is resentment. Becca resented the fact Joel was never around while Joel resented her for never being available to him when he wanted. She called him selfish. While he called her cold.
Their fire burned bright but died out fast. The sparks were beginning to fly again. They didn't rush things the second time around. Joel was retiring. He would be present more. She wasn't working like a slave at the hospital.
They could take their time and enjoy life. They could watch Matty grow up. Hopefully, they would be able to grow old together and watch Abby find her way in life. And when they die, they'll be buried right on this very farm. They already picked their plots. Ellie picked hers as well. They hoped they wouldn't be alive to see the day.
Becca watched him as he slid out an old looking record player. It looked to be from World War Two. Her Pa used to be a collector of antiques and she recognized the model.
She got up from her seat and walked over to him, inspecting the record player,'A gramophone. I haven't seen one of these in years. My Pa used to love these things.'
'Me too.' His eyes lit up as he slid his hands along the speakers,'I found this on patrol. It was just sitting in some abandoned building. The guys gave me shit for bringing it back, but I couldn't let it go to waste. I fixed it up myself.'
She smiled softly. He loved fixing things and bringing things back to back. She knew his passion for it stemmed from his friendship with Richard. The man mentored him and nurtured his love of mechanics and engineering. Joel was very intelligent. Far more than people give him credit for.
His eyes flickered over to her and he cleared his throat,'Betsy has a record player and gave me these old records. I listened to some of them. They're from the forties and shit, but they're slow and…relaxing.'
'Is that your long winded way of asking me to dance…or relax?'
He snorted and shook his head,'Can it be both? Just as long as I get to touch ya. I'm game.'
Her heart fluttered at that. He was charming and a flirt. She could see why women fell in love with him. Tess had been enamored with him. She tried to get rid of her just to be with him. She faked her death in an elaborate scheme which backfired.
He had this energy you were drawn to. When you met him, you had two choices; either walk way or accept the beautiful chaos you're accepting into your life. You have to claw your way to get through to him, but once you do it's oh so worth it.
Joel carefully slid the needle onto the record. She heard the scratch of the record player as the music began to play. The sounds of a soft guitar and piano played. It didn't sound American. She placed it somewhere in South America, but it was beautiful. Slow and melodic.
He held his hand out to her and bowed,'May I have this dance?'
She put her hand in his, tangling their fingers together,'Stud, you can have all the dances.'
He laughed, remembering the same exact words she said to him at the Spring Festival. That had been a great day too. He planned to have days and nights like this for the rest of their lives.
He placed his other hand on her lower back. She wrapped her other arm around his waist, pressing her body close to his. Neither of them led the dance. They just swayed along to the beat of the music along the empty space of the barn. The barn doors were opened, letting the cool air blow through. The candle was long burned out, but neither cared as they relished in being close together.
He pressed his lips against her forehead, whispering against her skin,'Ya brought light into my life.'
Tears filled her eyes at his words, feeling her heart clench in her chest,'I feel safe around you.' She looked up at him and shook her head,'When I look at you, I know that everything's gonna be okay.'
He slid his hand out of hers to wrap his arms tightly around her waist. He didn't have the words to respond to that. He settled for pulling her close to him as they continued to sway along to the music.
He pressed his nose into her hair and breathed her in deeply,'I love smelling ya.'
She couldn't help but laugh at that as her eyes stared up at him confusedly,'What?'
'I love the way ya smell.' He shrugged, as if it were the easiest explanation in the world,'I love the smell of your skin, your hair.' His eyes looked over her face, whispering shakily,'Your pussy. I ain't gonna lie. I miss the smell of that too.' He took a deep breath as he nuzzled his forehead against hers,'I think about that as I read your letters. Those pretty words as ya tell me ya think about me eating your cunt. It drives me crazy.'
His hands were shaking slightly as he leaned his body away from her. Her eyes looked down at his crotch and she saw his visible erection. She resisted the urge to lick her lips. She remembered what his cock looked like. He was big and stretched her out in ways no other man ever could, but it felt so good. Her body yearned to explore that with him again, but she wanted it to be better this time.
She wanted what he expressed in his letters. She wanted him to fuck her hard and relentlessly. She wanted to ride him, fuck him so hard he comes while she's on top. He admitted to her in one of his letters he's never come with a woman on top of him before. He never really liked women riding him. He liked to be in control.
He expressed to her about wanting her to ride him until he comes deep inside her. Even if it takes all night. She must've read that letter every night since he's given it to her a week ago.
She placed her hands on his chest as they continued to sway along to the music. His hands were gently grasping at her waist. She could feel them trembling. She knew he could feel her shaking too.
She leaned up to meet his height and ran her hand through his messy curls,'You don't gotta be ashamed of what ya feel, baby.' Her deep southern drawl did him in,'If you could only see how wet I am.'
His eyes widened at her boldness. She rarely talked to him like that in bed let alone freely like this. She told him she's recently been working with a therapist concerning intimacy.
His eyes rolled into the back of his head, muttering,'Jesus fucking Christ, Bec.'
She wanted to become more comfortable with exploring her sexuality. He could see the confidence in the way she carried herself. She didn't hide her scars. She held her ground and spoke up for herself. She let him know what she wanted and was very clear to him on how she felt.
While he loved her from the beginning and she was still his Becca at heart. She didn't change. She's always had strength. She just needed to see it in herself.
She gently pushed him back against the work bench and he spread his legs, letting her stand in between them. His mind raced, wondering what she had in mind. He knew she wasn't ready for sex. They've talked about their boundaries. They would start with kissing and some touching for now, building towards the bigger stuff.
They could still have a little fun though. They were way beyond adults. They enjoyed each other's company.
He gently tugged her closer to him and buried his face in her neck, breathing her in. His tongue flicked out quickly to taste her skin. He bit back the moan at her taste. He was so attracted to her. Inside and out. It's never felt like this for any other woman.
If this was Esther or Tess, he wouldn't have been able to deal with it. He would've emotionally checked out. He didn't want to do that to her though. He wanted it all with her. He wanted to fight and have her for however time would allow them.
His lips trailed up her neck and to her jaw. She tilted her head back, letting him press open mouthed kisses along her neck. She bit her bottom lip to stifle her moan. He knew her busy well. The sensitive parts that drove her wild. His tongue flicked against the pulse point in her neck and he gently bit into it, making her gasp slightly.
Her body slumped against him as she ran her hands through his curls, gently tugging on the strands. His large hands slid up and down her sides. He didn't touch anywhere else, respecting her boundaries. She wondered when he would kiss her though.
He kissed all over her face as she pressed kisses against his forehead, making him tremble against her. One slight touch from her and he was gone. She always drove him fucking crazy, but he loved every minute of it.
She moaned softly as he gently bit her earlobe. She closed her eyes as she felt the wetness gushing in between her legs. She lighter brushed up against his crotch and he hissed, pulling away quickly as if her touch burned him. He didn't want to make her feel rushed into something. That's what caused their trouble the first time around.
It didn't mean she couldn't enjoy his hands on her body. She was about to turn forty. She didn't want to reach an age she couldn't be mobile anymore and regret not enjoying her life. She wanted to relish these moments here in this barn with this beautiful man.
He clenched his eyes shut, taking a deep shuddering breath,'You gonna play with that pretty little pussy later for me?'
She closed her thighs to relieve the pulsing pressure in between her legs. Her panties were soaked through. No man has ever turned her on like this before. Why was she so fucking afraid of this?
This was pure love and intimacy.
She pressed her forehead against his and nuzzled her nose against his, whispering,'I'm already halfway there to be honest.'
His eyes widened at her words as he snorted, whispering back,'I'm hard as a rock. I'm old as fuck and ya got me almost coming in my pants.'
She looked down at his prominent bulge and bit her bottom lip. He was so erect she could see the perfect outline of his cock. She remembered how it felt inside her, stretching her and touching her so deep.
'You gonna touch yourself thinking of me?'
'Baby.' He snorted and shook his head,'Ya got me wanting to touch myself now.'
Her eyes widened as she cupped the back of his neck. Her lips crashed into his and it was like a dam broke loose inside of him. He let his self control slip. He groaned and tightly held her face into his hands. He kissed her feverishly and desperately. The kiss was pure filth, all tongue, lips and teeth.
They each took turns controlling the kiss. His hands tangled in her hair, messing up the braid. Their tongues sucked and slurped on each other. His hands slid down to her ass, groping it as he tightly held her to him. She didn't make any attempts to stop him.
She would let him know. This was alright. They were just kissing. 'Hooking up' as the kids would say.
He carefully sat down on the workbench, letting her lean comfortably against him. They pulled apart for air and rested their foreheads together as they breathed raggedly against each other's lips. He took his hands off her ass and slid them up to her hair, running his hands through it.
He hummed softly as he brushed his nose against hers, whispering,'Ya taste so good, darlin.' He pressed a light kiss against her lips,'I keep wanting more. Gonna come so hard tonight thinking about the way ya taste.'
She felt exhilarated at his words. She pressed the length of her body against his, feeling his erection against her, but she relished in it. She turned him on.
He closed his eyes as he felt her warmth against him. He swore he could feel her warm arousal. She would get so wet for him. Their inner thighs would be coated in her juices. He wanted to lick it off her skin. He wouldn't waste a single drop of her.
He cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers, whispering raggedly,'Gonna eat ya out so good. Gonna get my tongue so deep inside that pussy. It tastes so good.' He kissed her sloppily and pulled away from her, moaning softly,'So good.'
His eyes clenched shut as she rubbed herself against him. They were horny and frustrated sexually. They both felt like they were in the prime of their lives. For her anyway. Maria told her when she turned forty sex was phenomenal.
She couldn't help but rub her crotch against his. She kept her hands in his hair, loving the way he growled softly whenever she tugged on it. She loved his longer hair. She wanted to hold onto it as he fucked her hard and fast. When it finally happened again, she wanted to experience all of him and didn't want him to hold back.
She was the one to pull away first. She knew they couldn't do this here and now. They had all the time in the world. No need to rush everything at once.
'I should get home.' She shook her head and sighed,'I have a fitting to help Betsy with in the morning.'
He nodded and ran a hand through his hair,'I got a busy day myself.' He grinned broadly,'Just two more weeks to retirement.'
She nodded and smiled softly, kissing his lips,'And my birthday.'
'Hmmm.' He slid his hands up and down her sides,'Your birthdays on a Friday. We'll leave that morning and come back Sunday. Sound alright?'
'You made the plans.' She trembled as he sneakily squeezed her ass,'I don't want a big deal made. I just wanna turn forty in peace. And dessert.'
He chuckled and nodded,'I'll make sure to get a cake.'
She reluctantly pulled away from him and smirked,'I wasn't talking about cake.'
He squinted his eyes and grinned as she took his hand, leading him out of the barn. He slyly adjusted himself, not wanting Ellie to see his erection. They both jumped as the needle scratched on the old record player, signaling the end of the record.
Joel wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head,'Ya need an escort home?'
'I'm okay.' She gently patted his chest,'You need the rest.' She looked up at him and smiled softly,'Thank you for tonight. I had a lovely evening.'
He stroked her cheek as he looked over her face,'Me too, darlin. I'll see ya again?'
'You fuckin know it.' She leaned up and cupped his chin, pulling him down to her level. She kissed him, swiping her tongue across his lips. He immediately opened his mouth and she sucked on his tongue, kissing him deeply.
She pulled away without warning, his lips wet from her mouth,'When my fingers are deep inside me and rubbing my clit.' Her eyes looked downward at his erection,'I'll be thinking of you deep inside me.'
She took a shoe back from him and folded her hands behind her back,'Have a good night, Joel.'
He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling the hollow emptiness of her absence already,'You too, Becca.'
She smiled sweetly at him. Her eyes wide and face looking oh so innocent looking. Just a few moment ago her mouth was doing and saying filthy things. He was a lucky son of a bitch that's the only one who gets to see that side of her. She was so gorgeous to him. Inside and out.
He got Luna out of the stables and brought her to Becca. He helped her mount her horse and gently patted Luna's butt to get her moving. She waved back at him as she galloped down the trail. He watched her as she made the turn to Maria's house. He had no doubt she would arrive safely. It was only a short distance.
Becca was well protected. She had her guns and ammunition. God help anyone who comes upon that woman.
(In the next chapter. We start to learn more about Abby )