Like Knives

by Arith1234

Ellie and Joel come across an unlikely ally that neither wanted nor realized they needed.

95. Chapter 95

Chapter 95: Maroon

'Aging is not 'lost youth', but a new stage of opportunity and strength.'

-Betty Friedan

Becca had everything packed for her weekend trip with Joel. They've discussed it with Tony and he thought it was a great idea. He thought it would be a good thing for them. If they were going to build any real intimacy, they needed to spend some time alone together.

Not on dates or group outings with other people. Well and true alone. Being alone together in a cabin for an entire weekend will be a true test to see if they could really be together long term.

She was nervous, but also excited to spend time alone with him. They made arrangements for Matty. Betsy would watch him one day while Maria looked after him the next. They would be leaving this Friday morning and returning Sunday night. They had more than enough time alone together.

Even though her birthday was the following day, they had a dinner for her the night before. Just Betsy and Maria attended. Joel told her he would give her gift on the trip, which meant a lot to her. He was waiting for her actual birthday when they were alone together.

Ever since Ellie discovered they were keeping tabs on Abby, she's kept her distance. While she did have Betsy give her the gardening tool for her birthday, she decided to opt out of the dinner.

Joel was angry she didn't attend, but Becca told him to leave it alone. She needed some time and space to figure things out on her own. Considering the circumstances, she wasn't thrilled with her staying with Abby, but there wasn't anything she could do. She was almost twenty years old. They couldn't stop her from doing what she wanted.

She had to admit, her feelings were hurt. She wanted her daughter at her birthday dinner. She wanted her to understand she wasn't trying to be malicious. She loved her and worried about her. She always had her best interests at heart. Hopefully, she would come around. She wouldn't force her. She would let Ellie come to her.

Her and Joel discussed if going on the trip was the right thing to do. Ellie was a live wire. Without any supervision, there's no telling what she would do sometimes. They trusted her and she had a good head on her shoulders, but with the new information she received, she might try to figure things out on her own.

Ultimately, they decided to go. She was a grown adult and they needed to live their lives as well. They couldn't consistently babysit her. If she got into trouble, they would be back as quick as they could. The cabin was only a half hour ride away.

Becca decided to meet Joel at the farm. She needed to drop off Matty with Betsy anyway. He had some last minute things to take care of on the farm as well. She almost cried leaving Matty with Betsy. It's been the longest she's been away from him, but she knew he was in good hands. Besides, it was only for a couple days.

Since he's been born, they've always been with him. Their friends, family and therapists said they needed this. In an apocalypse, you don't really think about taking a vacation. She thought they deserved one.

She rode Luna down the trail onto the farm. She only packed one bag. She didn't think she needed a lot of clothes. She also brought her fishing rod. She was never much of a fisher until after the outbreak. You learn whatever you have to do in order to survive. She's come to appreciate the slow and leisurely pace of it. It was relaxing.

She didn't feel much pressure going into the trip. They've discussed it with Tony. He said to let their intimacy naturally progress. If they slept together, so be it. If they didn't then that was okay too. This wasn't meant to a pressure cooker. They would just have fun and see where it takes them.

Joel was walking out of the barn when he saw her ride up. He had a wide grin on his face as she stopped Luna in front of him.

She stayed perched atop of her horse as she looked down at him,'I'm supposed to be going on a trip with a good looking cowboy.' She smirked,'Grumpy in the mornings, but it's one of his charms. Ya seen him?'

He chuckled as he shook his head,'I think I mighta seen him.'

She bent her head down and he cupped her cheek, giving her a chaste kiss on the lips. She sat up straight as she looked up at the sky,'It looks like it's gonna be a beautiful day.'

'Sure is, birthday girl.' He crossed his arms over his chest,'How ya wanna spend it?'

She smirked and shrugged,'Oh, I think I have a few ideas.'

She didn't elaborate and he didn't ask. He still wasn't quire sure what to expect. He wasn't going to lead into this with any preambles or expectations. He just wanted to have fun and spend some alone time with the woman he loved. Not with a bunch of townsfolk breathing down their necks.

'Let me just go and get Chaos. I already have my saddle packed.'

She nodded as he jogged towards the stables. She stayed atop of Luna. She didn't see any reason to dismount when they would be on their way shortly. She felt giddy for the trip. She didn't sleep much the night before. She hasn't had anything this exciting to look forward to in a while.

Joel rode out of the stables on Chaos. His saddle seemed packed and ready to go. She smiled to herself. At least she wasn't the only one eager about the trip.

He rode up to her as he jerked the reins towards the trail,'It should be a nice ride. Not a cloud in sight.'

She nodded as they began riding their horses down the trail,'Have you talked to Ellie today?'

He let out a deep sigh and shook his head,'I see her, but when I tried to talk to her she pretty much told me to go fuck myself.'

She nodded and frowned,'I haven't tried because whenever she sees me she gives me death glares.' She shook her head,'Maybe I should've left well enough alone.'

He glanced back at her quickly and snorted,'Bullshit, how many times has El stuck her nose where it doesn't belong? She wants to know about her past? Well this is part of it. I don't know what's gotten into her lately, but she's gonna learn the hard way. You thought ya were doing the right thing. She had no reason to fly off the handle like that.'

'You think she's gonna be alright with us leaving?'

'She's gonna have to be?' He shrugged,'We're her parents, but she's old enough to be on her own. We can't babysit her for the rest of her life. She'll come around.' He rode alongside of her and frowned,'I don't want ya worrying about that this weekend. Maria is keeping an eye on her. She said she'll radio us if there's a problem. Tomorrow's your birthday. I want ya to have fun. I want us to have fun. We deserve that.'

She nodded and smiled softly,'We do. Thank you for inviting me here. I think this is what we needed too.'

He looked over at her, smiling wistfully. She didn't say anything else. She looked around at the scenery, her messy braid peeking out from underneath her cowboy hat. She had a wide smile on her face as she relished in the warm sun. She looked so happy. That's the kind of face he wanted to see on her all the time. He was so fucking tired of seeing her sad and upset all the time.

For the past two weeks leading up to their trip, he's been anxious and excited. He wanted time alone with her. Just her. He was tired of having to go over to Maria's or Betsy's shop to see her. He just wanted to be alone with his wife. Amidst everything they've forgotten they were husband and wife. They needed to remind themselves of that.

He took their time as they rode to the cabin. They stopped to let their horses drink water from the stream. They joked around and talked a bit, but nothing really serious. They decided to leave their burdens and worries back at Jackson. This was their time to relax.

When they arrived at their cabin, Joel brought their things inside and they brought their horses to the small stable Joel built. He was securing their horses in the stables while Becca unpacked her things.

She took out her folded clothes and placed them on the bed. They would be a sharing bed. She wasn't worried about that. They've shared a bed more times than she could count. They've just haven't shared a bed together without anyone else being in the room next to them or a sleeping baby in the room.

She looked over at the tub in the middle of the room. Joel couldn't get a pipe connected. They would have to heat water in the fireplace, but the cabin wasn't meant to be resided in long term. They had a coal fired stove, which she was used to anyway. She's survived without washing and eating for weeks on end. This was luxury. She absolutely loved being here.

Joel walked into the cabin and closed the door behind him,'Ta wanna take a walk after we eat?'

'I figured we could eat the sandwiches Betsy packed for us outside.'

He nodded as he walked over to her and snaked one arm around her waist, gently pushing her back against his chest. He kissed her neck, whispering,'I got a couple surprises for this weekend.'

She looked up at him and grinned,'Do ya now?'

He unwound his arm from her waist and took a step back from her. As much as he wanted to keep touching her, he didn't want to bombard her with affection. He didn't want her thinking he brought her up here just for sex. He would be perfectly happy if all they did was talked and played Scrabble (and if they were naked while playing he wouldn't complain about that either).

He walked over to his bag and took out a clean shirt,'I sure as fuck do.'

She laughed as she glanced back at him. She did a double take as she watched him lift his arms up to take his t shirt off. Her eyes focused in on the sinewy muscles of his back, his broad shoulders and tanned skin.

He slid his clean t shirt over his head and turned around to face her. She quickly turned around and shook her head. It was going to be a long weekend.

She changed into cleaner clothes and they brought their food outside. They laid a blanket out on the grass overlooking the lake. She couldn't stop looking around as they ate. It was so beautiful here.

'I can't believe we can come here anytime we want to.' She shook her head in disbelief,'I thought Kentucky was beautiful.'

He smiled softly as he looked out at the lake,'I was hunting one day and I knew ya would find this place beautiful. If I couldn't give ya the dream home at least I could give ya this.'

She smiled sadly at his words. He was referring to their home by the lake. The one he planned to build them before everything went to shit. She honestly doesn't even think about it anymore.

She sighed and leaned over to rest her hand on his arm,'Who gives a shit about that?' She shrugged,'I don't. I'm perfectly happy with the farm. I couldn't ask for anything more, Joel. Wherever you and the kids are. That's home to me.'

He stared at her and squinted his eyes. He wanted so much to tell her he loved her in that moment. He could see it in her eyes too. She wanted to say it just as much as he did. He knew they were still in love. They wouldn't go through all this if they didn't. He could feel it deep in his bones.

'The same goes for you too, Bec. Ya know that right? Separate houses don't mean shit.'

She nodded and laughed,'It doesn't mean shit.' She waved her hands around,'Besides, look at this you did. This is everything I could've hoped it. Not just for me, but you too. I know you appreciate your solitude and how much you love to fish. I'm happy you have some place of your own too.'

He smiled softly as he ran a hand through her hair, looking over her face,'Anything special ya wanna do this weekend?'

'No.' She shook her head,'Just fish, ride and spend time with you. Three of my favorite things.'

'And I rank third?' His eyes widened and he placed his hands on over his heart, feigning hurt,'You wound me, darlin.'

She laughed as she kneeled over towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck,'I didn't know we were ranking.' She pursed her lips thoughtfully,'You're definitely higher than third.'

He grinned as he leaned back and held her face in his hands,'I ain't keeping score. Just happy to be here.'

'So am I.' Her eyes stared into his, whispering,'I'm really happy to be here.'

He smiled softly as he leaned forward and kissed her. He didn't deepen the kiss, but kept his lips pressed against hers firmly. She kissed him back as their tongue swiped across each other's quickly before pulling away. They didn't want to rush anything. They wanted to take their time to slowly get reacquainted with one another.

Her eyes looked over his face, whispering,'I don't need to have anything planned. I just wanna be here with you.'

He sighed softly and rested his forehead against hers, stroking her cheeks,'I want that too. Jesus, I couldn't even sleep last night.'

'Me neither.' She laughed,'I was too excited to sleep.'

He liked hearing that. She was just excited to spend time with him as he was with her. It made him feel good to know he wasn't alone in this. Ever since their last blowout, they didn't have a misunderstanding like that again. Whenever they had a disagreement, they talked things out maturely or with Tony.

He gently turned her around with her back pressed up against his chest while she sat in between his knees. He brought his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head while she rested her arms on his thighs.

They sat in silence for a bit, feeling content. It was rare they could just sit in silence without any interruptions. Somebody always wanted something from them.

He sighed as he kissed the top of her head, saying after awhile,'Before our Pa died, he would take me and Tommy to a fishing cabin just like this one.' He smiled at the memory,'Tommy used to get all pissy when I caught the bigger fish. He was always too afraid to get too close to the boat though to get a good one. He wasn't a very good swimmer.'

He's finally gotten comfortable enough to talk about his younger brother. When he first died, he couldn't even speak his name let alone talk about him. No one could even speak his name without evoking a boisterous reaction out of him. Through therapy and time, he could actually speak about him.

It made him feel good to talk about him. He kept his memory alive. Not just for himself, but Sebastian as well. He couldn't wait to share stories with his nephew. His was too young to know him and would only know him through stories. He would tell him the good and bad. He wouldn't sugarcoat anything for him and let him form his own opinions on him with the information given.

She looked up at him and smiled softly,'He used to talk about you two competing all the time.'

'Sure did.' He smirked,'Sometimes for women.' He cleared his throat,'I wasn't really interested in Marlene so much as knowing it would piss Tommy off.' He chuckled softly and shook his head,'He kinda had a thing for her for awhile.'

'Why do that if you loved your brother?'

He remained silent for a moment. It was a good question and one he really didn't have an answer for.

'I guess there was always some…animosity between us.' He shrugged,'When pa died, I was the oldest and took on the man of the house role. I dropped outta high school at sixteen so I could work full time as a laborer. Someone needed to provide and Ma couldn't do it all on her own. Even with Abeula's social security check and Ma working full time we still couldn't afford rent. Tommy…he was always sheltered from all that. He didn't have to work like I did. I ain't ever faulted him for that, but being so much younger than me, our Abuela coddled him.'

'It's why you always looked after him.' She sighed,'He wasn't street smart like you.'

He nuzzled his nose into her hair and tightened his arms around her,'I wouldn't have joined the Raiders or the goddamned Fireflies if I didn't think he woulda gone himself killed.'

His arms were wrapped around her shoulders and she slid her hands in his, tangling their fingers together. All of his life, he's always had to look after and tend to other people. He was never given the chance to just sit back, relax and enjoy life. He deserved to have others taking care of him for a change. Even if it was only just for a little while.

She knew this weekend was supposed to be for her birthday, but this was healing for them as well. He needed this just as much as she did. She was glad he decided to retire from laboring in town. He was in the point in his life where he should be able to enjoy his years with Matty while he still can.

He looked down at her and sighed,'I'm sorry. This was supposed to be about your birthday and I'm talking about serious shit.'

She laughed and brought his hand up to her lips, kissing his fingers,'Keep talking about serious shit. I'm interested in what you have to say.' She played with his fingers as she felt his lips pressed against her head,'I guess I was always the Tommy in the situation when it came to my brothers. When the outbreak happened, I was forced to grow up really fast. I…had to learn to get a thicker skin. Stronger.'

He frowned as he looked down at her, watching her face,'Ya survived. I say you're stronger than ya think.'

'Some would say it's cause of the men I married.' She smirked.

He heard the playful tone in her voice and snorted,'Considering your track record of husbands. I'm surprised I'm still alive.'

A few months ago, she would've been insulted by his words. She may have even started an argument, but she understood his humor and discerned the difference between him kidding or not. She wasn't over analyzing anymore.

She rolled her eyes and laughed,'I don't plan on letting you die, baby. You're a good one. I'm keeping you.'

He huffed as he rested his chin on her head,'I sure hope so, darlin.'

They sat outside for awhile before cleaning up and heading back to the cabin. They didn't make an itinerary for the day, but Joel mentioned about going night fishing. He said he's had some good bite up around these parts at night. She wondered how long he's finished the cabin before he let her know. She wouldn't ask.

Sometimes a man's business deserved its on respect. She wouldn't disrupt his solitude. She understands what it's like wanting to be left alone sometimes.

They walked inside the cabin and he helped her clean the dishes from the picnic. They made sure to pack Betsy's Tupperware. They were under strict orders to bring it back. Women and their Tupperware.

They packed their gear for tonight to fish. He made sure it was something she wanted to do. She seemed excited. It was something she's never done before. She considered it an 'adventure.'

He crossed his arms as he leaned against the archway of the room. He watched as he walked around the cabin, opening the curtains to let natural light inside. Everything about her was beautiful. The way she walked, talked and carried herself. She was so smart. She wasn't perfect. Neither was he, but they were willing to still love each other.

He didn't like talking to many people, but he didn't mind it with her. He enjoyed having conversations with her and telling her about his life. Just as he enjoyed hearing about hers.

She seemed anxious about turning forty. He didn't seem a damn thing wrong with it. He would never tell her this, but she's gotten better with age. Her strength manifested into fierceness. She was starting to become more connected with her sexuality as a woman.

She looked over at him and smirked, seeing him watching her intently,'I'd say take a picture it'll last longer…but…'

She shrugged as he laughed. He often wondered what kind of ways technology would've advanced if the outbreak never happened. He remembered his cellphone he had before the outbreak. It probably would've been some type of super computer by now.

'I would if I could.'

She smiled softly as she walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist,'I love it here, already. The company ain't better neither.' She nodded over towards his guitar case and grinned,'I couldn't help but notice you brought your guitar. Are ya gonna sing happy birthday to me?'

He chuckled as he stroked her hair and held the sides of her head,'Maybe I'll sing more than that.' He shrugged,'I remember ya telling me ya missed hearing me play it. I missed playing for ya too.'

'You would always play when I was pregnant.' She gently squeezed his waist,'We've forgotten each other a long the way haven't we?'

He nodded as he ran his hands through her hair,'We sure have.' His eyes looked over her face as he licked his lips,'We should do something about that don't we? Lest we forget again.'

She laughed slightly, feeling her heart rate climbing. The nurse in her said to calm down before she raises her blood pressure. The woman in her wanted more. She always wanted more when it came to him.

She cupped the back of his neck and licked her suddenly dry lips, whispering,'A little reminder every once in a while never hurts.'

She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him, immediately deepening it. He quickly opened up for her as their tongues slowly tangled together. He growled softly into her mouth, the sound reverberating throughout her entire body, making her tremble.

She gently nipped at the tip of his tongue, making his eyes widen as he laughed softly almost as if in disjoined. He slid her up his body to his level and gently grasped her thighs, wrapping her legs around his waist.

He walked backwards over to the couch, knowing the layout of the cabin like the back of hand. He sat back on the couch, letting her softly tumble onto his lap. She settle into his lap, resting her both of her legs on opposite sides of his thighs.

His hands cradled her face as they kissed hungrily. She moaned into his mouth. The filthy kiss a messy tangle of tongues, lips and teeth. Her hands were tangled in his long curly hair. His hands moved into her own hair, his hands bunched into his fists as he nipped at her lips.

They pulled away to gasp for air as they rested their foreheads against each others. They were breathing raggedly against each other's mouths. Theirs eyes clenched as they struggled to breathe. They haven't kissed this frantically and feverishly since they were teenagers.

It was different than the first time they were together. The first time around was desperation. The second time around was pure and raw desire. They could actually slow down and didn't have to rush everything all at once.

He licked the taste of her off his lips and moaned softly, whispering,'My sweet Rebecca.'

She looked over his face, seeing his curls messy and in disarray from her hands running through it. She sighed and shook her head in disbelief,'You're absolutely gorgeous, Joel Miller. I'm happy our son looks just like you.' I hope he grows up to he just like you too.'

She didn't know what possessed her to say that. She wanted him to know how she felt. She meant every word. Even men deserved to know they were appreciated.

Joel could see the sincerity in her eyes. She was being truthful. She didn't know how much that meant to him. All he's ever wanted is to be a good man in Matty's eyes. If he couldn't be in any of his other children.

He nodded as he swallowed the lump in his throat,'He reminds me of you too. He's…quiet.'

She laughed and shook her head,'That could be from either one of us.

He laughed. She was right. They both weren't exactly the outgoing type. They were introverted, which is why Tony said they had a lot of miscommunication at times.

He stroked her hair as he pressed a chaste kiss to her lips,'Any special requests for this weekend. Considering it's your birthday and all.'

She bit her bottom lip as she looked up at him pensively,'This is more than enough.' She took a deep breath,'There is one thing though.'

'What's that?'

She took a deep and met his gaze,'I want you to eat me out.'

He blinked his eyes and shook his head confusingly. He wondered if he heard her correctly,'I beg your pardon?'

'I mean, not right this moment, but sometime in the future.' She smirked,'I want you to surprise me.'

His eyes widened. Challenge accepted. He was fucking loving this side of her. He would eat her out alright. He would surprise her right this second. He didn't want to appear too eager. He would surprise her. All good things come to those who wait.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Later on that evening, they had a quiet dinner and gathered up their gear to go night fishing. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders as they walked down to the lake with their bags and fishing rods over their shoulders. She held onto him and laughed as they almost stumbled down the hill. She only had a glass of wine at dinner and Joel was sober as can be.

They reached the lake and took out their bait. They had on fishing waders. The lake was high enough to reach their ankles, but Joel said the lake was abundant with catfish. Before he even built the cabin, this used to be one of his fishing spots.

She remembered him bringing back the fish he caught and would grill out in the summer on the coal fired grill. She missed those Summers. She made a silent vow they would have more of them.

The sun was just beginning to set as they threw out their lines. They stood some distance apart as not to disrupt their lines. She could hear the birds chirping as they settled in for the night. The faint sound of crickets as they just started to spring up from the warmer weather. There was a slight chill in the air, but the breeze felt good. She always preferred the outdoors.

Joel looked over at her and smirked as he heard her humming to herself. She seemed to be enjoying herself. He's noticed a difference in her lately. Maybe it was the therapy, but she didn't seem as tense as before. As much as he loved her, she could act like she had a stick up her ass sometimes.

She used to always be so afraid of everything. People hurt her and gave her a reason, but she's come a long way. She was loosening up and starting to enjoy herself more. Tony called them polar opposites. He was wild and lived his life on a whim. She was used to a structured way of life.

Her whole entire life, everyone was telling her what to do. First her family and then her husbands. She never had the chance to think for herself. For the first time in her life she was living for herself.

He could never imagine living like that. With so many rules and having people tell you what to do all the time. When they got together, he swore he would never be like any of them. He would give her the freedom to do whatever she wanted.

Freedom looked damned good on her.

'Anything biting?' He shouted out to her.

'Nothing yet.' She frowned as she pulled her line back before throwing it back out again,'Maybe they like you more than me!'

'Doubt it.' He shook his head,'Ain't nothing alive ain't missing the chance to be hooked by you.'

She looked over at him and smiled softly. He could be really sweet sometimes. She's forgotten that. She's also forgotten how much of a flirt he is.

She saw him jerk back as something tugged on his line. She watched as he reeled in the fish. It looked considerably big. They would be eating good.

She snickered as he gently pulled the fish off the line as he brought it over to his cooler. He would skin and filet it later. He could do anything with his hands. Ben and David like to fancy themselves real men, but none of them held a candle to this man in front of her. He was a survivalist through and through. He fought for the things he believed in. He may not always go about things the right way, but his intentions are always good.

He put on a tough facade, but he was deeply emotional and sometimes he let his feelings get best of him. He was just like everyone else, but he admitted to his faults. He didn't hide who he is. He was brutally honest to a fault, strong, brave and loving. She couldn't ask for a better man.

She shook her head and chuckled,'See, I told ya they like you more than me, Stud.'

He squinted his eyes as he made sure his line was secure before hooking another piece of bait onto it,'Maybe I just have more of a gentler touch than you.'

She pursed her lips as she watched him walk back into the lake,'I can't argue with you there.' She glanced over at him, cocking her head thoughtfully,'Do you think I'm doing something wrong?'

He shrugged and bit back a smirk,'Depends on the mood, darlin.'

He laughed as she huffed and he walked over to stand behind her. He grasped her hand that was on the line,'Slide your hand a little bit lower.' She followed his instructions and he nodded,'Yeah, just like that. Pull it back gently.' He placed his other hand on her lower back,'Nice and steady. They'll get spooked if ya keep moving around. Be patient and let them come to you.'

She looked back at him and grinned,'Everything about you right now makes a lotta damned sense.'

He chuckled at that and shook his head,'Can't say I always hooked good ones. Some I probably shoulda threw back out to the fuckin piranhas.'

She laughed as she felt the warmth of his body against hers. His tall frame leaned over her as he placed his hands on her shoulders, watching as she followed his instructions. She didn't know why, but she found it sexy. How intently he watched her.

He saw her fighting the urge to smirk and snorted,'What?' He gently grasped her shoulders,'What are ya grinning about?'

She felt the trout hook onto the line and gently tugged on it as she seamlessly pulled it back,'I kinda lied.' She smirked as he watched her unhook the fish and throw it back into the water,'I kinda know what I'm doing? Daddy used to take me fishing all the time. I hated it and thought it was boring back then, but he made me fish.' She shrugged,'You end up learning eventually.'

He playfully narrowed his eyes at her as he placed his hands on her waist,'If you wanted my hands on ya. All ya gotta do is ask, baby.'

'Maybe I like it when you talk to me like that.'

He licked his lips as she threw the line back into the water,'Like what?'

'When you get excited about showing me something. You take it seriously.' She bit her bottom lip to suppress her smirk,'I maybe also like to have your hands on me. For the record though? Your hands on me? Always gonna be a yes.'

'Duly noted.' He whispered as he kissed the back of her neck.

He reluctantly took a step back from her to walk over to his own fishing spot. They fished in silence for a bit, enjoying the peace and quiet and relishing in being together. A comfortable silence existed between them. The kind where they didn't feel the need to fill it with empty words.

After catching a few fish to get for breakfast tomorrow morning, they headed back to the cabin.

Joel packed their fish in the cooler while Becca got washed and changed first. She almost asked him to take a bath with her, but she didn't think they were there yet. He looked as if he wanted to ask her himself, but he mumbled something about heading outside to put the fish on ice.

They still had some reservations regarding boundaries, which is to be expected. They were still a work in progress. Nothing was set in stone.

She was buttoning up her pajama shirt as he walked into the cabin. His eyes widened slightly when he saw her shirt half opened. He quickly averted his eyes downward, whispering,'Sorry.'

She stopped buttoning up her shirt and dropped her arms to her sides,'Joel, you can look. You can't see anything.' He lifted his eyes to look at her and she smiled softly,'You don't always have to be a gentleman around me. I want you to look.'

He openly stared at her. The loose shorts she wore rode up her thighs and her pajama shirt was halfway unbuttoned. He could see the outline of her cleavage. He thought about the night on the porch when he had his mouth on them. He wanted to do that again. He's jerked off thinking about it so much since then.

He walked over to stand in front of her. Her eyes trailed up the length of his body, admiring his athletic build and tall stature. Young Becca never would've appreciated this kind of man. She wouldn't have been ready for him back then anyway.

Finally, her eyes landed on his as she nodded down to her half buttoned shirt,'You wanna help me?'

'Take it off?' He nodded and smirked,'Thought ya never ask.'

His words were teasing, but his tone was anything but. It was husky and shaky with desire. She could see it in his half lidded gaze. The way his eyes assessed and appraised her. She could practically hear the wheels turning in his head.

He licked his lips as he placed his hands on her shoulders,'Thank you for coming with me this weekend.'

Her heart was pounding as he started buttoning her shirt back up. She bit her bottom lip as she felt his fingers sneakily stroke her tits. She knew he did it on purpose, but she wouldn't call him out on it. She liked this teasing and flirting they were doing. It was new and exciting to her. She's never had this in any of her other relationships before.

'You mean I get to spend my birthday weekend with an absolutely gorgeous cowboy?' She snorted,'What a fucking bore. You're so welcome.' He laughed at the sarcasm in her tone.

She held his face in her hands and shook her head,'I'm having the time of my life with you.'

His eyes looked over her face and he shook his head in disbelief. She was so beautiful to him. Her long hair was wet and her natural curls were drying. He always preferred her like this. Stripped bare of the day with nothing else between them.

'I made the bath for you.' She stroked his cheeks,'Better get in before it gets cold.' She winked,'Thanks for dressing me.'

He walked over to his bag to take out his pajamas. What he really wanted is to be undressing her. She seemed to be in a playful mood though and he was eager to see where this is weekend is going.

He undressed in front of her. They had a kid together. He was never really modest anyway.

She didn't bat an eye as he undressed in front of her. She sat down on the edge of the tub, admiring his naked body. He was lean and muscular in all the right places. His cock lay thick and heavy between his legs. Even when he wasn't erect. She never really considered a man's penis attractive. She never really took the time to look at it, but she appreciated his. Everything about him. She took the time to appreciate all the small details.

He walked unashamedly over to the tub and cupped her cheek,'Thank you for doing this.'

'No problem.' She twirled her index finger,'Now sit in the tub so I can wash your hair.'

His eyes widened at that and he felt all the air leave his lungs,'You…wanna wash my hair?' She nodded and he shook his head confusingly,'Why?'

'Why not?' She shrugged,'You've washed my hair plenty of times. Why can't I do the same for you?'

He pursed his lips and shrugged silently. He didn't have an answer for that. He doesn't think anyone other than himself and his mama had ever washed his hair.

She had soap and a wash cloth in her hand as he settled himself in the tub. He sighed softly as the hot water seeped into his overused muscles.

He rested his arms against the sides of the tub and laid his head back against her chest, looking up at her,'Ya ain't gotta bathe me, darlin. This is supposed to be your birthday. You should be relaxing.'

She leaned over him and kissed his forehead, whispering,'Hush, this is a birthday gift to myself. This is also relaxing too.'

He laughed softly as she lathered the soap into the wet rag. She slowly and carefully ran it down his arms and chest. He had his legs immersed in the water as she rubbed the rag over his chest. He lolled his head back onto her shoulder and pressed his nose against her jaw. His breath was hot and heavy against her as she slid the rag further down his stomach.

He leaned further back against the tub and she could see his cock fully erect in the water. It bobbed in the tub and all she could do was stare at it. It made her feel good, knowing he got aroused by her simply touching him.

As if reading her mind, he whispered admittedly,'It don't take much with you. I'm sorry. I was turned on by fuckin buttoning your shirt up. That's a first.'

She laughed softly as she slid the rag up over his thighs and down his legs,'I like turning you on. I'm turned on too. Now sit up so I can wash your hair.'

He obliged her and she took out a bottle of sandalwood shampoo someone made for Joel. They had a lot of special people in Jackson. They were fully sustainable, which is why they were so diligent on protecting it at all costs.

She squirted some shampoo into her hand and lathered it into his long curly hair. He closed his eyes and sighed softly as she gently massaged his scalp. His eyes rolled back into his head. This felt so good. Almost better than sex. Almost.

As turned on as he is, they've learned not every interaction between them needed to result in something sexual. It's wonderful they're attracted to each other, but they've discovered intimacy is so much more than sex.

She continued to massage his scalp as she looked down at him,'What's one thing ya miss before the outbreak?'

He thought about her question for a moment, loving the way her fingers were running through the wet strands of his hair,'I miss Sarah.' He sighed deeply,'I know it's the obvious thing to say, but I do. Sometimes I think about where she would be right now if the outbreak didn't happen.' He sighed softly,'She would be thirty six. Ironically, right around your age. She probably would be some big shot doctor. She always talked about wanting to do that. She mighta been married, had kids. She coulda been anything.'

She was running the warm running down his head as she smiled down at him,'I think she woulda been some big shot too. I really do.'

'What do ya miss before the outbreak? Where do ya think you'd be?'

'I miss my parents and my brothers.' She nodded,'I was right out of nursing school when it happened. I was barely making rounds before everything went to shit. Most of my experience is what I've learned throughout all this.' She finished washing his hair and dried it with a towel,'I probably would've had a few kids with Ben.'

He nodded and smiled wryly as he quickly finished cleaning himself,'White picket fence, hmm?'

She stood up and snorted,'Something like that. Either that or I would've wised up and divorced. Maybe I would've found some hot constriction worker to shack up with.'

He stood up out of the tub as she handed him a towel,'There would've went your inheritance.'

She snorted and shook her head,'I'm pretty sure dear old granddaddy blew all that to fund a post zombie apocalypse. Even if it happened or not.'

He wished she were kidding. Sadly, she was being dead serious. She recently discovered Francis squandered her entire family's fortune to fund his scientific research on military grade weapons, bunkers and artillery. Grandma always thought it was because he made bad investments. A month before the outbreak, her family declared bankruptcy. Her family was ruined either way.

Joel's eyes widened as he looked back at her,'Anyone in the family figure out where the money went?'

'No.' She shook her head and sighed,'Grandma's lawyer was trying to figure things out when the outbreak happened.'

Joel slid his shirt over his head as he shook his head in disbelief. She didn't have the picture perfect family life he always thought. Even in 'death' Francis managed to ruin everything he touched.

He walked into the kitchen to pour themselves a cup of coffee. He wasn't tired and she didn't seem to be either. They didn't want to go to bed yet. They were eager to spend as much time together as they could.

He brought her cup of coffee over to her and nodded towards outside,'Let's go and sit on the porch. It's a nice night out.'

She nodded and smiled,'It is a beautiful night out.' She watched as he grabbed his acoustic guitar and she grinned,'Yes! I've missed hearing you play.'

He snorted as they walked outside,'You and the animals are about the only audience I have these days.'

'You should join the Jackson band when you retire. You would kill it.'

She was half teasing and half serious. Some of the musicians in town all formed a band together. They would play live music for their festivals and celebrations. They knew he played guitar, but he was content to play for himself. It was something he enjoyed on his own.

She sat on the one step leading up to the porch while he sat on the bench. He placed his coffee cup on the table and perched his guitar in his lap. He started strumming a song on the guitar. He didn't know why he started playing it. He always appreciated older music.

She smiled broadly as she recognized the song. She started tapping her feet as she hummed the lyrics, singing them under her breath,'I could hold out my arms, say, "I love you this much…I could tell you how long I will long for your touch…How much and how far would I go to prove…The depth and the breadth of my love for you?'

He continued to strum the guitar as he listened to her singing. A small smile formed on his face,'You sing, baby girl? I ain't ever heard ya sing before.'

She shrugged and took a sip of her coffee,'I enjoy singing sometimes. I sing to Matty.' She looked back at him and grinned,'He seems to be my only audience too.'

'I like it.' He nodded curtly, meeting her gaze as he played the chords of the song,'Hearing ya sing. It's real pretty, darlin. Keep on.'

She laughed softly and shook her head. She always used to sing with her grandma in church. She would play the organ while she sang hymns. David would also make her sing, sometimes until her voice was so hoarse and raw she could barely swallow.

'From here to the moon and back…Who else in this world will love you like that?…Love everlasting, I promise you that…From here to the moon and back…From here to the moon and back…I want you to know you can always depend…On promises made and love without end…No need to wonder how faithful I'll be…Now and on into eternity'

He swallowed harshly as he listened to her singing. He wasn't lying. She really did have a nice voice. He's never heard her sing before. Sure, she would be silly with Matty, but she's never shown him this side of her before. She could be so deadly yet so delicate.

His fingers worked on the guitar strings as she walked over to him and sat herself down on his knee as she continued the song,'From here to the moon and back…Who else in this world will love you like that?…Forever and always, I'll be where you're at…From here to the moon and back…From here to the moon and back

I would blow you a kiss from the star where I sat…I would call out your name to echo through the vast…Thank heaven for you and to God, tip my hat…From here to the moon and back…And I'll spend forever just proving that fact…From here to the moon and back.'

As he listened to her sing, he couldn't help but think how much this song correlates to them. No matter what they've been through. They still really love each other. How long has it been since they've actually said those words? Does it even matter? He's learned words don't mean shit. It's the way they treat each other which matters most of all.

He finished the song and laughed softly, resting his chin on her shoulder, whispering,'We should form our own band.'

'Hmm…yes.' She smirked,'We can tour the world.' She shook her head,'I didn't know you were a Dolly Parton fan. My grandma was obsessed with her. We went to Dollywood like a hundred times. Her house was a literal shrine to her.'

'My mama used to play all kinds of music while cooking or cleaning. She loved everything. Dolly and Linda Ronstadt was one of her favorites. Mine too.' He nuzzled into her shoulder and sighed softly,'I also miss listening to music. I know that sounds stupid, but I miss driving and listening to the radio. Sometimes I wish I could take ya out. Anywhere. I would take ya for a long drive while listening to music. I would have my arm wrapped around you. Take ya dancing. All that shit.'

She sighed and shook her head,'You can still do all that with me now. We may not be able to take drives, but we go on horse rides and I think that's better than any goddamned car ride.'

He smirked as he started strumming the guitar again. It wasn't anything particular. He was just fiddling around, but she seemed to enjoy it. She continued to sit on his knees as she ran her hand through his hair. She closed her eyes and swayed softly to the music on his lap.

She didn't know he was watching her intently. She had a serene smile on her face and her eyes were closed as she enjoyed the music. She looked so happy in this moment it damn near broke his heart.

He leaned forward and kissed her shoulder. He could feel the heat of her body against him, her warmth on his lap. He had a gorgeous woman on his lap who loved him. Life was good.

She looked back at him and pursed her lips,'Do you know nine to five?'

He answered her question be strumming the chords on the guitar. She shook her head and laughed as she started singing the song. He began singing along with her, their voices echoing throughout the otherwise quiet landscape. They couldn't remember a time they've had this much fun together. Probably never.

His fingers started getting tired and he carefully placed his guitar on the porch. He wrapped his arms around her and gently pulled her against his chest. She turned around in his lap and rested her bare kegs against his thighs. Her crotch was pressed up against his stomach. He could feel the heat of her even through his t shirt.

He held her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. He delved right in, not giving a damn about propriety or boundaries. He could see it in her eyes. She wanted him.

His hands burrowed into her hair. Her own hands reached up in answer, weaving her hands behind his head to draw him closer. Cold chills sizzled against the back of her knees in glaring contrast to the hot and demanding heat pulling at her from the inside.

She moaned softly into his mouth. They were breathing heavily as their tongues feverishly moved together. She opened her eyes to look at his and his brow was furrowed as he poured his heart and soul into the kiss. His hand cupped the back of her neck to bunch her hair in his tight closed fists.

He pulled away slightly to catch his breath. He slowly ran his thumb over her loss swollen lips. He licked his lips as he looked over her face. Her cheeks were red and her lips were parted as she anxiously waited for him to kiss her again. It was only for a an instant before he growled softly and devoured her again.

Their foreheads were pressed together as she sucked on his tongue. Her hands were in his hair, gently pulling and tugging at it. Neither fought for dominance in the kiss. They took turns giving each other what they needed.

His eyes were half lidded as he kept his eyes on hers. Her eyes were opened as he stared at her deeply and openly, never breaking the kiss. Their breathing was stopping, catching, accelerating and gasping. Their bodies shuddered against each other from the intensity of the kiss.

A combination of shock and mind spinning sensations submerged her. Her best friend, the love of her life. Her everything. He was kissing and looking at her in ways no one else ever did. The kiss felt different than anything they've ever experienced before. It was full of endless longing and promises.

They finally pulled apart as he pressed his forehead against hers. They were breathing raggedly as he stroked her hair. They were practically shaking as they clung to each other. The kiss rattled them both.

He ran his hands down the sides of her hair and shook his head in disbelief,'If you knew what ya do to me.'

His voice was hoarse and laced with desire, absolutely wrecking her. She could have him right now. She could pull down his pants and ride him to oblivion. She knew he wouldn't stop her, but she was afraid sex would ruin the intimacy they were building between them. Maybe she should listen to Maria and stop overanalyzing everything. She should just have fun.

He leaned back against the bench as she settled herself in his lap. He placed his hands on her waist as he slowly slid them up her sides. He bit his bottom lip as his hands ran over her chest. She arched up against him, letting him grope her tits over her shirt.

She slid her hands underneath his t shirt as she gently raked her nails down his abdomen.

His body jerked slightly and he hissed, whispering lowly,'You looking for trouble?'

The tone of his voice was even deeper, making her shudder. She licked her lips and shrugged,'Depends on if you're gonna give it to me or not.'

He growled at that, the resounding sound coming from deep within his chest. He didn't ask as he slowly unbuttoned her shirt. She watched with bated breath as he slowly pulled it apart, revealing her bare tits to him. He cupped her tits as he squeezed them gently, his calloused thumbs brushing over her nipples.

She moaned softly as the cool air hit her bare skin. She chewed on her bottom lip as he squeezed and groped her tits. He leaned his head forward and sucked on her right tit as he continued to grope the other. She tangled her hands in his hair, loaning loudly as he sucked on her tit. He gently bit her nipple, swiping his tongue over it to soothe the bite. He turned his attention to her other tit, lavishing it with the same praise.

She couldn't help but grind herself in his lap. He was sucking hard on her tits. The roughness of his coarse facial hair rubbed against her sensitive skin , making it raw, but it only heightened her pleasure. She knew she would probably have a few love bites, but she didn't care. She wanted to remember this night and feel him for days.

He groaned into her tits as he felt her crotch ground up against his. He arched his hips up, desperately needing to feel her. He was so hard and leaking. He knew she could feel it, but she didn't seem to care. She was rubbing herself against it, sliding her crotch along the length of it.

He wanted so much to bend her over and fuck the living daylights out of her. No one was around for miles. Her loud moans as he suckled on her tits were lost in the wind.

He looked up at her, his pupils wide and blown back,'Touch me, baby.' He arched his hips up again for emphasis,'Touch my dick. Please.'

Joel felt like a fucking fool, but he couldn't help himself. He was so lost in her. She consumed every part of him, touching him in ways that no one else ever could. She was deep in his bones.

Her eyes widened at his desperate tone. He's never explicitly asked her for anything before. She loved how he didn't hold back anymore. He told her exactly what he wanted.

She slid her hands into his pajama pants, discovering he wasn't wearing any boxers. She gripped his cock with both her hands. He pulled his head away from her tits and tilted his head back, his eyes rolling in pleasure.

She started to jerk him off and he sloppily and filthily sucked on her tits. He was slobbering all over her, growling against her skin like an animal but she didn't seem to mind. She was just as ferocious as him.

She squeezed his cock and he let out a loud gasp. He bit into her nipple as he arched his hips up over and over, fucking himself into her hands. His precum made his cock slick. She used it as lubrication as her hands moved fluidly up and down on him.

He licked a generous amount of saliva onto his hand and blindly slid his hands down into her shorts. He slid his index and middle finger inside her, finding her soaked for him. He started pumping his fingers in and out of her as she jerked his cock.

He pressed his lips against hers, moaning and breathing raggedly into her mouth as he clenched his eyes shut,'Fuck, I wish ya were riding me right now. My cock would be so deep inside ya.' He moaned as she squeezed his balls,'Shit, that feels good. Go faster.'

She did as he asked and moved her hands faster, squeezing him tightly.

She whimpered against his mouth as they moved against each other. She rode his fingers, imagining it was his cock,'I would ride you so good too. So hard.'

'Fuck yes.' He whispered harshly against her skin as his thumb rubbed her clit,'Ride me just like that. Just like that.'

They were immersed in the fantasy as their hands worked each other. He alternated between kissing her deeply and sucking on her tits. He couldn't seem to take his hands off them.

She was riding his fingers hard and fast as she felt the tingling at the base of her spine and the telltale burning in the pit of her stomach. She stilled her movements as her cunt clenched around his fingers. She was to tight, he could barely move his fingers. He gritted his teeth, wishing her tight, hot pussy was clenched around his cock.

Her juices gushed out of her and he wanted to lick her clean. She deserved to be feasted on. He wanted to bury his face between her legs and never leave.

Her moans were loud and ragged as she came. Her thighs clenched shut as she clung to the back of his neck, her forehead pressed against his. She kept jerking his cock as she came, her loud moans muffled by his lips against hers.

He gasped as his hips started to jerk erratically,'I'm gonna come. Holy fuck. Shit. Go harder. Please.'

His desperate moans did her in. She jerked him hard and fast. He pulled his lips away from hers as he leaned back. He was chewing on his bottom lip and had a blissed out look on his face. His hair was messy from her hands. He was the sexiest she's ever seen him.

Without any warning, she quickly pulled his cock out and got down on her knees. She wrapped her hands around him, jerking and pumped him just as he liked it. She slid her mouth down around his cock and it's all it took.

He cupped the back of her head as his hips snapped up. His come spurted out of him in ropes and she sucked him down, wanting every last drop. She's never really like doing this for any other partner before, but she loved it with him. He was always so responsive to her. He always needed to have his hands on her, touching her lovingly and affectionately with her mouth around him. It didn't feel like a chore.

It felt like love.

He gently grasped her hair and shook his head,'No more. Baby, please.'

She pulled her mouth off him and carefully placed him back inside his pants as she climbed back onto his lap. He tightly wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. They sat in silence for a bit, both coming down from intense highs. They couldn't remember a time they ever felt this good or this happy.

They sat on the porch for a little bit before retiring to bed. She changed into a nightgown, but kept her panties off. It was more comfortable and she secretly hoped Joel would appreciate it. Maria told her to tease and flirt with him. She said men loved the chase and not to give everything up all at once.

It was crazy, they were married but everything felt new. She's realized she still had a lot to learn when it came to relationships. Her therapist called her emotionally stunted.

She let out a deep breath when he pulled his t shirt up over his head. She loved the fact he was starting to become more comfortable around her too. She was enjoying this easygoing side of their relationship.

When they laid down to bed, they immediately fell asleep. They were both exhausted from the day. She was excited for the following day. Not just because of her birthday. She got to spend another day alone with him.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Joel was awake before her. He looked down at her sleeping on his chest and smiled to himself. He loved seeing her like this, open and vulnerable. He wanted this all the time.

Since the night of the storm they haven't slept in the same bed. It wasn't as if they didn't want to, but there was always mitigating circumstances. They were always caught up in something, but not this weekend. It was their time to enjoy each other without life getting in the way.

It was the morning of her birthday and while he had an actual gift for her. He felt like she deserved something else too. He thought about what she asked him last night, filled with so much surety of what she wanted. It rattled him, knowing she was no longer afraid to ask for the things she wanted from him. All he's ever wanted was for her to trust him.

He managed to slide his arm out from underneath her. She murmured something in her sleep and shifted onto her back. She was still asleep and he planned to wake her up well and good. He couldn't remember the last time he's woke up a woman like this.

He rolled over onto his stomach as he slid down her body and settled himself in between her legs. He didn't have any reservations about doing this for her. If this was a year ago, he wouldn't have even attempted it, but she very clearly told him what she wanted. He intended to give it to her.

This wasn't an invasion of her privacy. He thought about doing this ever since he woke up. Ever since she told him what she wanted, he couldn't get it out of his mind.

He was shrouded underneath the covers as he slid his head underneath her nightgown. His eyes widened and he smirked when he saw she wasn't wearing any underwear. Maybe it's exactly what she intended to happen. Could she have intentionally left them off? Did she plan this all along?

He leaned forward, sniffing her musky scent. He closed his eyes and sighed to himself as he rested his head against her inner thigh. He hasn't seen her cunt in so long. He's touched her, but God he yearned to put his mouth on her. He wanted to taste her again.

He couldn't help but lean forward and slowly lick a line up her slit. She moaned softly and mumbled something in her sleep as she shifted on the bed. He did it again, but firmer this time. He wanted her to wake up and let her know exactly who was doing this to her.

She blinked her bleary eyes as she looked down, seeing Joel's mess of dark curls. She moaned softly as she tangled her hand in his hair. Her head lolled back against the pillow as she stared blearily up at the ceiling.

He looked up at her, smirking when he saw her eyes opened,'Good morning, baby girl.' He pressed kisses to the soft skin of her inner thighs, whispering,'Happy Birthday, Rebecca.'

It is now. She thought to herself.

He grasped her thighs and placed her legs over his shoulders. He slid his hands underneath her ass and groped it as his mouth nibbled on her inner thighs. He wanted to take his time. Not just for her, but himself as well. He wanted to savor her. It's been so long since he's had her like this.

He pressed his nose against her cunt, smelling her arousal as he nuzzled into her, making her whimper. She tugged gently on his hair as she arched up against him. He smirked at her impatience. His woman wanted this, needed this it felt like.

He licked a line up her slit, gathering her wetness on his tongue. His eyes rolled at her taste and he could hear her gasp. He looked up at her, seeing her staring down at him blearily with sleep still in her eyes. Her hair was curly and wild from sleep, looking like a fucking dream. Her red hair a stark contrast to the white of the pillowcase.

His mouth teased her as he licked her cunt quickly before pulling away. He nuzzled and gently bit at her inner thighs. He always loved her skin. It was always so soft and smooth. She had faint scars along her inner thighs from men abusing her. His tongue lavished over those scars, wanting to wipe away any traces of what they did to her. Her body should be worshipped, not abused.

He finally relented and slowly slid his tongue inside her. He started a shallow rhythm as his tongue licked around her inner walls. She spread her legs wider for him as he gripped her ass, keeping the lower half of her body suspended in the air.

He growled softly into her cunt. He finally had a taste of her and wanted more. He buried his entire face into her cunt as he kissed and licked her vulva, taking his time to let her fully enjoy it. He spread her lips apart, working slowly from the outside. His tongue flicked at her, licking her outer lips as he slowly spread them apart, opening her up for him.

She tugged on his hair as he teased her. She wanted him to suck on her clit, but he was taking his time. He was solely focused on her pleasure, which is all new to her. He was the only man she's ever been with that took care of her pleasure before his own.

His tongue delved into her cunt as he started licking the alphabet inside her. She moaned loudly as his tongue finally slid fully inside her. Her head pressed back against the pillow as her fingers dug into his scalp. She whimpered, staring dazedly up at the ceiling.

She looked down at him, seeing his eyes opened as he stared at her. His hands were squeezing and groping her ass. He pulled her closer against him as she moved herself against his tongue.

He moaned into her pussy as he heard her loud gasps and moans. She tasted and smelled so good. He's never ate a woman out for this long. Most of the women he was with didn't care for this kind of intimacy anyway. They always looked for real connections with 'better' men. He was always there for fun.

His tongue teasingly swiped over her clit, making her body jerk slightly. He grinned against her cunt as he did it again, making her whimper his name. He curled his tongue inside her over and over again, feeling her clench around him. He thought about how her cunt felt around his fingers last night. He couldn't wait for her to be wrapped around him tightly and milk him dry.

She was so aroused she was writhing on the bed. He relented and started sucking on her clit, rolling it around on his tongue. She arched against him as he began sucking hard on her clit. His chin was pressed up against her pussy as she pressed herself against him. She was slowly fucking herself on his tongue as she grinded against his mouth.

His hands were still on her ass, moving her against him as his tongue flicked and sucked on her clit. She cried out as she came, tugging hard on his hair. He drank from her, sucking and slurping on her juices. He licked her clean as he relished in her gasps and moans. His tongue licked all around inside her, wanting every last drop from her.

She heard the filthy and wet sounds of him slurping from her. Her skin flushed out in a sheen of sweat as she felt her cheeks burn. This was the hottest thing she's ever experienced.

She weakly pushed at his forehead, begging for him to stop. He grinned as he pulled himself from her cunt. He pressed kisses along her inner thighs before gently placing her legs back down on the bed. Her legs felt like jelly and her muscles burned. Her body felt weightless.

He kissed his way up her body, his tongue flocking out over the thin fabric of her nightgown. His body hovered over her as he cupped her cheek and kissed her deeply, letting her taste herself on his lips. His tongue tangled with hers and she could taste herself along with his morning breath, but she didn't care. This was real and it was them.

He pulled away from her lips and rested his forehead against hers, whispering,'Happy Birthday, darlin.'

She blushed sweetly as she smiled softly,'It is now.' She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck,'I can't believe I'm forty.'

He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head,'It looks fucking good on ya.' He looked over her face, whispering darkly,'It tastes pretty fuckin good too.'

Her eyes widened and she shook her head in disbelief as she looked over his face. His beard was sheening with her juices and his lips were red and swollen.

He saw her looking up at him intently and shook his head,'What?'

'Nothing.' She stroked his bearded cheek,'I just like looking at ya is all.'

He rolled his eyes playfully and kissed her forehead,'Let's get up and eat.' He smirked,'That was just one of your birthday presents.'

He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before climbing out of the bed. She looked up at the ceiling and smiled to herself. This has been the best birthday she's ever had. Of course, she still had Ellie to worry about, but they would figure it out when they got back to Jackson. It was her birthday and she intended to enjoy it with the man she loved.

They got cleaned up and got dressed. They had breakfast and coffee before Joel told her to get Luna ready. He had a surprise for her.

She felt anxious and excited as she saddled up luna. She rode out of the stable, seeing Joel already mounted on Chaos. She wondered where they were going.

He saw the wheels turning in her head and smirked,'I ain't giving ya any hints. You'll find out soon enough.'

She laughed. He knew her too well. She was always so impatient when it came to surprises, but he knew she loved them anyway. He was a grizzled man, but God he was so lovely.

They rode for about fifteen minutes before he abruptly stopped his horse. He nodded towards a small greenhouse,'Happy Birthday.'

She looked down and tears filled her eyes when she saw the greenhouse. She looked over at him and shook her head in bafflement,'This is mine?'

'Yup.' He nodded,'I built it myself. I figured ya could use it for your flowers ya really can't grow in certain climates.'

She stared at the greenhouse in disbelief. She remembered talking to him about being frustrated with her garden. She wanted to grow so much more, but couldn't because of the temperamental climate. He listened to her. Even when she thought he didn't.

He pulled on the reins of his horse and he trodded down toward the greenhouse,'Come take a look.'

She rode down with him and they dismounted their horses. He unlocked the door and opened it for her to step inside.

She walked inside the greenhouse and looked around. It was small, but big enough for her to grow a considerable amount of vegetables. She could do a lot here.

She looked back at him as tears fell from her eyes,'How did ya know to do this?'

He crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged,'I've been reading a lot and took some notes. It wasn't difficult once I got the structure of it down.' He sighed,'I knew a couple guys once. Their names were Bill and Frank. They were…together.' He shook his head and sighed,'That ain't the point, but Tess got to know Bill over the radio. Before everything went really bad between us and things were pretty good. Tess just wanted friends. She wanted us to have a normal life in Boston. She would…make us go over their house and fucking have wine and food. She tried to be normal.'

He huffed as he ran a hand through his hair, feeling frustrated,'Frank ended up getting sick and they ended up dying together because Bill didn't want to be alone.' He sighed shakily as tears filled his eyes,'I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I don't want to be like that. Alone. Ever since ya left, I spent the last three months eating alone every goddamned day while Ellie goes off and does whatever.'

She saw the tears in his eyes and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist,'We're not gonna end up like Bill and Frank. I can't promise ya that I won't die, but I don't plan on doing that anytime soon. I don't want you to be alone. I'll come to the farm and eat dinner with you every single night. Maria's always working anyway. I usually end up eating alone most nights.'

He hugged her to him and rested his chin on top of her head,'During our travel to the hospital, we stopped to visit Bill and Frank. I figured they could help us. Bill, he was so fucking smart, Bec. He hooked up electricity and had a fully working and sustainable home. He was one of the reasons why I wanted my own farm. If he could live the life he always wanted. Why couldn't I? He told he after the outbreak he loved being alone, but once he met Frank, he realized how lonely he really was. He just didn't want to admit it to himself.'

'How did they die?'

'Frank got really sick and didn't have very long.' He sighed,'He was suffering made Bill promise to end it, but Bill wanted to go too. I found them dead in their bed holding each other.' He blinked away tears as the scene played in his head,'They took something to go to sleep and just never woke up.'

She wouldn't admit this to Joel, but she saw the beauty in that. Bill didn't want to be alone without the love of his life. He followed Frank into the dark. She couldn't imagine losing Joel like that. While she wouldn't end her life, she would be truly devastated and would never get over it.

He looked down at her and smiled tearfully,'Frank said he was almost near death when Bill met him. He was traveling with a group that gone and got themselves killed. Kinda sounds like how we met. Bill was smart though. He used the infected as a form of defense.'

'I thought that was the worst day of my life. But it ended up being the best decision I ever made. Going with you. This is the best birthday I ever had, Joel. This greenhouse is beautiful and I can't wait to work in it.

A small smile formed on his face as he slid a letter out of his back pocket,'I want ya to read something. I ain't ever showed this to anyone, but I want ya to read it.'

She saw the envelope, which was addressed to Joel in a neat handwriting.

She took out the letter and began to read it,

August 29th, 2023

She shook her head. It was almost six months before they met.

If you find this please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn't smell, but it'll probably be a sight. I'm guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would've been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps heh heh heh.

She shook her head and laughed softly at that. It seemed like such a character. His funny personality came through in the letter.

Take anything you need. The bunker code is the same as the gate code, but in reverse. Do not make a mistake or you will be blown to shit. I am not joking. Do not fuck that up heh heh heh.

She laughed at that. He almost seemed to have a sick sense of humor. She glanced up at Joel, seeing him staring at the letter in trepidation. It was elucidated to her how much he cared for this man.

Anyway, I never liked you, but still it's like we're friends. And I respect you. So I'm gonna tell you something because you're probably the only person who'll understand. I used to hate the world, and I was happy when everyone died.

But I was wrong because there was one person worth saving. And that's what I did. I saved him and then I protected him. That's why men like me and you are here. We have a job to do, and God hell any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep Tess safe. Until such time as you and she decide you've had enough. At that point, I recommend forty Vicodins with a nice Brunello.

Bill

She wiped the tears from her eyes as she finished reading the letter. She neatly folded it back up just as it was and slid it back into the envelope, handing it over to him. She felt so sad for them. It was so tragic. To find someone to love so deeply and have it end like that.

She looked up at him, seeing the tears falling from his own eyes,'Why did ya let me read that?'

He sighed deeply and roughly wiped the tears from his eyes,'When I read that letter, I was angry. I was fucking angry cause Tess just died and I didn't protect her like I shoulda. Bill and Tess had a really close friendship. She wanted to move in Bill's town. She wanted us to give up Boston and the raiding. She wanted to live a normal life. I resented them for that. I thought they were just pretending. Bill was a snobby and obnoxious asshole, but I respected him too. He worked hard and took care of the people he loved. We were a lot alike in that sense.'

He wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her close,'For awhile, I thought if I couldn't protect Tess like I shoulda than I can take care of Ellie. I can protect her. Just like Bill did for Frank.' He shook his head,'Then six months later, I meet you and the letter makes more sense.' He swallowed the lump in his throat,'I think everything I've done was leading me to you.' He squinted his eyes and clicked his tongue,'I didn't want to believe it then cause I had so much more shit to deal with, but I didn't understand the meaning behind his words until I met you, Becca. If Tess would've survived? We woulda been doing the same shit we've always done. Fighting, fucking, drugging and stealing. I didn't think me or Ellie was gonna survive that hospital. I knew what they were going to do, but I was taking her anyway. For Tess and…Marlene.' He sighed frustratingly,'The point is, back then I would've been content with dying by a bullet or killing myself. I was almost half dead anyway. I tried to shoot myself once.'

He took a deep breath as she held onto him tighter,'After I took Ellie I planned to kill myself. I was finally gonna get the job done this time. Put the gun right in my mouth.' He shrugged,'Tess was gone and El didn't mean anything to me at the time. I didn't think I would never find Tommy. Jackson seemed like a pipe dream. I didn't want to be alone…like Bill. Then I met you and…I didn't even think about dying. I always thought about Ellie whenever I read Bill's letter, but when I read it now? All I can think about is you. I don't wanna die and you end up alone. I don't want you to die and end up alone. I want to protect you and keep you safe.'

'I want the same for you too, Joel.' She leaned up and wiped the tears from his cheeks, gently sliding her hands down his face,'I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you. I mean that.'

She would kill Abby if she had to. If she had an inkling Abby planned to kill any of them, she would put a bullet in her head. No questions asked. She would keep that little tidbit to herself though.

She held his face in her hands as he rubbed her back,'I've never felt like this for anyone else in my life. No one has ever treated me as good as you do.'

'I've never felt like this for anyone else either.' He whispered admittedly,'Bill always thought I was in love with Tess. I loved her, but not in the way he thought. She…gave Bill the idea we were gonna have this life together where we all lived happily ever after. We would have dinner and expensive wine at Bill's and afterwards down a bottle of pills or go raid some fuckin compound.' He shook his head,'I don't pretend with you. Everything we experience together is…real. It ain't a fantasy. I ain't ever had that before. I don't wanna lose it. That life I led is in the past. I ain't that man anymore. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for the things I've done, but I don't feel like I'm existing anymore.'

'You're living.'

He nodded as he kissed the top of her head,'I am.'

She knew it took a lot for him to show her Bill's letter. He was trusting her implicitly. She refused to ruin that between them.

She leaned back in his arms to look up at him,'How long were you traveling before finding me?'

'We were traveling almost three months before that.' He stroked her hair as he looked over her face,'We stopped in Jackson before heading to the hospital.' He cleared his throat,'Tommy was actually gonna take her cause I didn't think I was fit for it. I'm deaf in my one ear and ain't as fast as I used to be. I almost got fucking killled on the road cause I couldn't hear someone sneaking up on me. Fucking El had to save my life. I didn't think I was fit to look after anyone.'

'What changed?' She frowned.

He snorted and laughed,'El refused to let that happen. She called me a coward and I took that personally. I ended up going anyway. I'm glad I did.'

She nodded and smiled sadly,'Tommy would've left me.'

'Probably not. Once he found out who you were he would've brought ya along to the hospital. Tommy would've let those scientists do whatever the hell they wanted. I always thought it was weird he never really fought me on taking her. He played along for a bit, but he seemed too eager. Maybe I didn't wanna see it at that time.'He wouldn't sugarcoat it for her,'He woulda let you and El die. I'm glad I was the one to go.'

She ran her hands through his hair and shook her head,'It's because we were meant to find each other.' She frowned,'I really wished I coulda met Bill and Frank. They seemed like good people.'

He nodded and smiled sadly,'They were. Bill was smart as a whip and could fix or build anything.' He smirked,'Except fences though. Bill would've liked ya. You two would probably be gardening together or some shit.'

She stepped out of his embrace and walked around the greenhouse,'I'm gonna plant flowers in his and Frank's honor. Gladiolus is flowers they reserve for funeral arrangements. They're supposed to represent the strength of a persons' character. They're a legacy flower and grow back every year.'

He crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at her. When he met her, he was down on his luck. He was a broken down man who was halfway to death. He was shot and clinging to life. He wasn't expecting anything nor was he looking for it. He didn't think he wanted her in his life. Now he couldn't imagine his life without her in it.

When he fell in love with her, Bill's words became more profound. He always knew he would protect Ellie. Before Tess came back from the dead, he felt survivor's guilt for a very long time. When he met Becca, it was like a shade opening up in a dark room. She made him look at life differently. Becca was his Frank. They took care of each other. Bill and Frank got it right. They were as different as night and day, but managed to compromise their differences. They had to do better. If Bill and Frank could spend twenty years together full of life and happiness, he could do the same.

Him and Bill were a lot alike in many ways, which is why they didn't get along. They respected and cared about each other though. Bill, even being an outcast and loner in life managed to make a relationship work, there wasn't any excuse for him.

She looked over at him, seeing him watching her intently. It meant a lot to her he showed her Bill's letter. He never showed anyone else. Not even Ellie. He trusted her with so much of his life and his past. Just as she did about her own.

In the past few months, they've learned more about each other than they did in the last eight years that were together. They've gotten so much closer. She's never felt closer with anyone.

She sighed as she walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around him again, holding him tightly,'We're not alone. You're not alone, Joel.'

Fresh tears filled his eyes as she wrapped his arms around her tightly. Tears fell down his face and he clung to her. His whole entire life, he's been so afraid of being alone. It's why he was so desperate to find Tommy.

'I'm sorry I'm ruining your birthday with all this.' He sniffled roughly,'I just wanted to share this with ya. Just me and you.'

'You aren't ruining my birthday.' She looked up at him and shook her head,'We're being honest with each other. This is the best day I've ever had.' She blinked away tears as she rubbed his sides,'I love you so much that I can't even explain it because I've never felt anything like this before.'

He let out a small choking sound as he cradled her face in his hands, leaning down to kiss her lips,'I love you too.' He sighed against her lips,'I love ya so much it feels like it's gonna fuckin tear me apart sometimes. I ain't ever felt like this either. I sure as shit haven't done all this corny shit for anyone else either.'

She laughed at the last part, knowing he was joking,'Well, your birthday is in a couple months.' She smiled knowingly,'I got some things planned for you too.'

He smirked as he looked over her face,'Do ya now? You gonna wake me up with a blowjob?'

She chuckled as she squeezed his waist,'Hmm…among other things.'

He raised his eyebrow, wondering what she had in mind. He was happy to know she was planning things for the future. She looked ahead when it came to them. They were going to get through this. Then she could come home, he would marry her in front of the whole goddamned town and spend the rest of his life loving her.

There would be no more nights eating and going to bed alone. He was so sick and tired of sleeping alone. Not when he had a beautiful woman that loved him. A woman who had his child and chose to marry him. He didn't know how long the separation was going to last. He hoped sooner rather than later.

She unwound her arms from him as she walked down the small lane of the greenhouse. She placed her hand on a small space,'I'm gonna plant the gladiolus here where the sun shines through the brightest.' She placed her hand on another spot,'We'll plant some heritage roses here. And some marigolds right next to them. They'll be beautiful right next to the roses.' She went over to the other side of the room, pointing to another spot,'Scabiosas would be perfect here. Maybe some straw flowers and Rudbeckias too. We'll have this greenhouse singing in no time.'

He smiled as he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. She bounced around, seeming almost giddy. He thought about a birthday present to give her. Forty was a special one. He remembered turning forty. He spent it as Raider robbing a Firefly compound at night. He hadn't slept or eaten anything in almost two days. He was running on fumes and adrenaline.

His birthdays were quieter now, which is how he wanted it. He loved the structure of his life. He woke up in the morning and knew exactly what to do. He didn't have to worry about how he was going to have his next meal or where he could score drugs. He loved the simplicity of his life.

As he watched Becca walking around the room, he thought about Bill's letter. When Tess first met Bi over the radio, it's all she talked about it. She was enamored with his sophistication and the beautiful home he built for himself. She wanted out of the life and be 'normal'. Just like Bill and Frank. He didn't want that back then. If he were being honest with himself, he didn't want it with her.

As he looked at this woman, smiling happily as she talked about all the flowers she wanted to grow. He wanted this life with Becca. He couldn't give that to Tess. She was his what friend, but he found comfort in her. He loved her, but not in the way she wanted him to. He closed himself off to ever feeling that way again.

Everything changed when he met her. He wanted that life Tess talked about. If Bill were still alive, he would've found a way for them to meet. He would've been devastated about Tess, but he would've understood. He would've like Becca. She would be able to talk to him about things. She grew up as he did. With class and substance. And money. Lots of money. It's what he resented about Bill about Becca in the beginning.

He thought they were weak and living on false hope and fantasies, but he was wrong. They saw the beauty in dire circumstances. They tried to create beauty when everything went to shit.

Becca loved growing flowers. She would give them to everyone in town. Even the people who still gave her the side eye. She always had a smile for them though. Even when they were stabbing her in the back.

Most of the townspeople kept their distance from her. Ever since they found out her grandfather was behind the council and townsfolk disappearing, they became distrusting of her. It was wild. When he first came to town, he had been the outcast and the one everyone stayed away from. The tables were turned and he hated it.

It still didn't stop them from eating her pastries though. Selfish assholes. She took it in stride though, keeping her close group of tight knit friends. She ignored the townsfolk as they whispered things about her as she planted the memorial garden. She turned a blind eye when they looked at her in disgust. She said it didn't bother her. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. She didn't let it dissuade her from going out into two and enjoying her life.

So yeah, Joel had been wrong. Bill and Becca weren't weak. They were brave to still believe in love and have hope for the future. She never gave up on him either.

She saw the stoic look on his face and smiled to herself. He could be so serious sometimes. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist,'We are like Bill and Frank, ya know. We can have that. We do have that.'

He held her face in his hands and nodded,'I know we do too.'

'I really do wish I could've met him.' She frowned,' I'd say let's head to Boston and see his house, but I think our long winded traveling days are over.'

He snorted and kissed the top of her head,'I thankfully have to agree. Anytime we travel anywhere one of us ends up shot or kidnapped.'

She thought about Abby in that moment. Ellie was living with Abby. She wanted nothing to do with them at the moment. She thought they were overprotective and too much in her business. They understood her need for independence. They just didn't trust the person she chose to shack up with.

He looked around the room and smiled,'You're gonna make this place beautiful. I want to see them when they start growing.' He pointed upwards,'I managed to secure a line for you to water them. It's rigged mechanically so you'll have to pull the lever outside to make the sprinklers turn on.'

She looked up at the ceiling and shook her head,'You're damned good at this stuff. You were probably a really good contractor before the outbreak.'

'Work was steady.' He shrugged,'I wish I was a contractor, but me and Tommy were laborers.' He rolled his eyes,'I know. Spanish laborers, right? We're a fucking dime a dozen though in Texas so it was feast or famine.' He nodded,'Work was good that day though. We actually had a pretty good month that year. Work was steady. We could finally eat three meals a day. We could actually put the fuckin electricity back on. Then…it happened.'

She could see the pain in his eyes and she ran her hands through his hair,'You're way more than just a fucking laborer, Joel. You built me a greenhouse for my birthday. You have no idea what this means to me.'

'I just like to see ya happy.' He grasped her hands and gently tugged her out of the greenhouse,' No more of this sad shit. It's your birthday. Come on. Let's go for a ride.'

She laughed as he walked backwards as they stepped outside. He made sure to lock the greenhouse doors securely and handed her one of the keys. She slid it into her saddlebag and zipped it up, making sure she wouldn't lose it.

He mounted Chaos as she sat atop of Luna. He tugged on the horse's reins as he jerked his head west,'I have one more thing.' He smiled knowingly,'It's probably for both of us though.'

She shook her head in disbelief as she galloped down the hill with Luna, chasing after him. They rode back towards the cabin and stopped a short distance away.

She saw the makeshift jumping course and looked up at him, shaking her head in disbelief,'Did you build this?'

'I had help. Me and El built it.' He cleared his throat,'Before she started acting like a brat. It was her idea actually. She told you always talked about your equestrian days of jumping and shit. I used to go to rodeos with my Pa all the time. Tommy was too little to care for it, but I always used to love going with him and seeing those guys ride bulls. I always wanted to do that.'

She shook her head and laughed,'What I used to do is nothing like that. I do high jumps and that's it. I snuck behind my dad's back and started doing barrel racing though. I was only sixteen and he came to my first competition, ranting and raving.' She raised her chin proudly,'I made second place though just as he was dragging me out. I never did get my ribbon. I would've worn around my neck just to spite him.'

He laughed as he rested his arms on the saddle,'I know it ain't the same…but when El told me ya missed it. She said we had to do this. I…I wanted to see it for myself. The things ya did before the outbreak.'

Tears filled her eyes and she leaned over to grasp his hand,'I don't know if I'll still be able to do it or if Luna is a jumping horse.'

'She jumped just fine over the fence before we broke her in.' He shrugged,'She damn near cleared seven feet.'

She nodded and grinned as she scratched Luna's head,'With the right amount of training. She would've been a Champion horse. I know Dusty and Sadie would've been for sure.'

He smiled sadly at the mention of their names. He knew she still missed them. She would talk about them fondly. She loved them like children. Those had been such dark times. He still had nightmares about those hellish days.

He nodded towards the setup,'Show me what ya can do.'

'I don't even know if I can still jump.' She frowned as she stared at the course,'I haven't jumped since I was twenty.'

He stared at her and smirked,'I've seen you clear eight fucking feet over a dozen of infected. I think you'll do just fine.'

'That was Sadie more than me.' She snorted,'I really didn't have a choice in the matter.'

He rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatingly, making her laugh,'Alright alright. I'll do it.'

He laughed and snapped his fingers,'There's my girl.'

She felt a warmth spread throughout her body at those words. She trodded down towards the course as she glanced back at him over her shoulder,'Always your girl. Remember that.'

His eyes widened at that. As if he could ever forget.

He carefully watched as she rode around the course with Luna. She didn't make any attempts to jump right away. She wanted to get herself and Luna used to the course. He kept his bars lower for now, but they could be adjusted if she wanted them higher.

He leaned forward on his horse as he watched her take a deep breath before jumping over the first bar, which was low to the ground. Luna jumped it easily and she attempted the second obstacle. She cleared it easily and attempted to jump a higher one, but Luna dug her heels into the dirt. She wasn't ready for the higher ones yet.

She rode her horse over to him and grinned,'You were right. I do miss show jumping.' She scratched Luna's head,'I think this good girl is gonna be a star with the right training.'

'Ya looked good out there.' He chuckled,'I don't know a damned thing about show jumping, but I liked to watch ya.' He averted his eyes and cleared his throat,'Ya looked real beautiful doing it. Did ya win competitions?'

'I won a few ribbons.'

She wouldn't tell him that her daddy bought the best horses money could buy. She had the best trainers and horses from all over the world. She got to travel in shows all over the world. She won so many ribbons not just because of talent. Her daddy had the money to facilitate her interests. She didn't want Joel to see her like a spoiled brat. She knows he sees her like that sometimes.

She nodded towards the course as she continued to scratch Luna's head,'I could teach ya while I'm training Luna. Not on Chaos though.' She smirked,'We'll stick to Luna. He's more of a cutting horse anyway.'

He nodded and snorted,'He's way too crazy for that anyway. He would kill me. Ain't I a little too old to be doing that?'

'I don't know.' She playfully narrowed her eyes at him,'Am I too old to be doing it? You always dreamed of being in the rodeo. This is your time to shine, cowboy.' She grasped Luna's reins and gently tugged them towards the cabin,'Come on. Let's go have some lunch. I'm starving.'

Joel laughed to himself as he galloped down the path with her. This is the happiest he's been in months. He was enjoying this fun and playful side of her. He was enjoying everything about her.

Later on that evening, Joel grilled the fish they caught outside. It was a warm evening and they decided to eat outside. They laughed and joked as they ate dinner. She was mostly sitting in his lap with his arm wrapped around her waist. They fed each other some, stopping in between to kiss each other. This is exactly what they've been missing. Real intimacy.

They finished dinner and Joel snuck back into the house to retrieve her last surprise of the day. Her back was facing him as he placed the small birthday cake in front of her. There were two candles stuck inside of it.

She looked down at the cake, her eyes widening in surprise. It was a lemon loaf cake with white frosting and the words,'Happy 40th Becca!' were written on it.

The candles burned brightly and she knew this was Betsy's doing. She loved Betsy's lemon loaf cake and craved it almost everyday during her pregnancy. She recognized her scrawl on the cake.

She shook her head in disbelief. She had some really great family. Throughout everything, she's managed to find her people. She finally found her sense of belonging.

He sang happy birthday to her. His voice smooth and deep. He didn't sing much either, but she appreciated his singing voice. She wished he did it more often.

She closed her eyes and made a wish before blowing out her candles. She wished for her family to be safe and healthy. She may have also cheated and asked for a second wish. She wanted to be back at the farm. She didn't care about the timeframe. She just wanted to be home. She didn't want Joel to eat alone anymore.

It broke her heart when he told her that. No one should be eating alone. Especially the man she loved with all her heart.

She opened her eyes as she looked up at him. His hands were on her shoulders as he leaned down and kissed her lips, whispering,'Happy birthday, my beautiful girl.'

She smiled softly as her she looked over her face,'I'm still your girl?'

'You've always been my girl.' He shrugged,'Even during all…this. You've always been my girl. Always.'

She placed her hand over his and kissed his lips,'I'll always be your girl. Just like you'll always be my man. That's never changed.'

He stood up straight as he leaned over and picked up the cake to cut it. He didn't have a response for that. He was overcome with emotion. He had been so nervous leading up to their trip. He didn't want anything to go wrong, but it didn't. It went better than he expected.

Tomorrow, they would have to head back to reality, but they would always have this. They could come here whenever they wanted. They could escape the chaos and enjoy the simplicities in life.

They ate their cake and Joel played guitar for her before they went back inside the cabin. Becca changed into one of his t shirts and he put on a pair of sweats. They didn't want to be covered up around each other anymore.

They didn't have sex or touch each other that night. They talked for a bit about the future and the plans they had together. They fell asleep holding onto each other. They slept soundly that night, feeling more content about the future than they've ever been.

The following morning, they had a small breakfast before heading out to fish. They wanted to bring some fish back for Betsy and Maria. They managed to catch a few pieces of trout before having lunch and deciding to head back into Jackson.

Joel saw the somber look on her face as she loaded her bag onto Luna. He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him, frowning when he saw the tears in her eyes,'Why are ya crying, Bec?'

She shook her head and sighed shakily,'I just had such a good time here and don't want it to end. I'm nervous about heading home and finding out El did something stupid or knowing she doesn't want to talk to us. I don't wanna head back home and…have anything change.'

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to him tightly,'Ain't nothing gonna change between us. Not a damned thing. The only thing that's changed is your fine ass is gonna have dinner with me every night and I'm gonna eat ya out afterwards before ya head on home. And El? She's gonna come around. Maria said she misses us too, but she's hard headed and stubborn. Maria swears up and down she's mine.'

She laughed and nuzzled into his chest,'It's why you butt heads sometimes. You're too much alike. It's scary.'

He gently shook her head and sighed,'I told ya. Whenever ya wanna come here with me, just say the word. I gave ya a key for here. Come whenever ya want, plant in your greenhouse. Train with Luna. Do whatever the hell ya want. It's just as much as yours as it is mine.' He frowned,'Now let's get on the road.'

She nodded and gave him a small smile,'I can't wait to see Matty.'

'Me too. He's probably raising hell I'm sure.'

'Just like his daddy.' She smirked.

They mounted their horses and rode the trail back to Jackson. They hoped to God Ellie didn't get into any trouble while they were gone. They didn't get any radio calls, which was a good sign. Then again, Ellie was sneaky and could disappear in the blink of an eye without anyone even realizing it.

Home sweet home.

(In the next chapter, Becca doesn't give up her quest to find out all she can about Abby. Ellie confronts Joel and Becca. With Abby in tow.)