Chapter 96: Same shit, different day.
'The liars' punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.'
It was one in the morning and Becca couldn't sleep. She was sitting at Maria's kitchen table with the Anderson files laid out before her. She didn't discover any new information, but she's been scouring her grandfather and Sharon's journals for any bread crumbs. There had to be something they were missing.
Earlier in the evening, she and Matty went to Joel's house for dinner. Ever since they got back from their fishing trip over a week ago, she made good on her promise and had dinner with him every single night. It broke her heart when he told her he ate dinner alone for almost two months. She refused to ever let that happen again.
He seemed excited whenever she showed up at the door. At first, he seemed surprised. Almost as if he didn't think she would follow through, but she did. Sometimes if their schedules permitted, she would have breakfast with him too.
Most nights after dinner, they would sit on the porch and have coffee. Sometimes, Matty would be perched on either of their laps or upstairs in bed. They would talk or he would play guitar. He would ask her to sing for him, telling her he liked hearing her sing. He admitted that it calmed him.
She hated leaving in the evenings. He would walk her out onto the porch and see her off. The kisses he gave her left her breathless and wanting more. She would see this hesitancy and hopefulness in his eyes, like he was on the brink of asking her to stay, but decided against it.
They've discussed it with Tony. He didn't think they were ready yet, but the separation has been for almost three months now. Something's got to give. They still haven't slept together. They were on the brink of that too though. She could feel it whenever he kissed her. She saw the raw desire in his eyes. She wanted him too. Maria said to just jump his bones. Maybe she would take her advice.
She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes. She was exhausted, but she couldn't give up. She felt as if she were on the brink of something.
Ellie still wasn't talking to them. Sure, she would come to Maria's to see Matty and fulfill her duties at the farm, but she rarely had words for them. Maria said she would come around and she was just being a teenager.
Maria didn't know about what was going on. She just figured Ellie was being a temperamental kid. Ellie didn't spill the beans either. Maybe she believed them. Maybe she didn't. She wished she would talk to them and let them explain themselves. More so her than anyone else.
She was the one who didn't trust Abby. With the newly discovered information, Joel didn't trust her either. She was grateful she was standing by her side throughout all this. She really didn't want to go through this alone. It's why they didn't tell anyone else. They didn't want to scare anyone until they knew everything. They kept in between the family and kept it close to the vest for now.
She closed Abby's file and muttered a curse word under her breath. She was coming across dead end after dead end. She had a theory Abby's father, Jerry Anderson was the head surgeon Joel killed at Saint Mary's hospital. She could get the image of his eyes out of her mind.
She closed her eyes again as she tried to recall that night. As the years went on, the events of that day became blurrier. Her therapist had started working through her memories with hypnotherapy. She was against it at first, considering it a pseudoscience, but she was glad she decided to try it. It's really helped with her PTSD and she was beginning to work through David's manipulation and brainwashing. She was sleeping much better and the nightmares were few and far between.
She opened Jerry's file again and stared down at his photos. His dirty blonde hair was slicked back and his icy blue eyes pierced back at her. She imagined him wearing scrubs, a bandana and a face mask. She ran through the events of the hospital in her head. She remembered the surgeon Joel killed in Ellie's hospital room. She remembered seeing Joel shoot him in the end as his brain matter splattered on the floor.
Her eyes widened as tears filled her eyes. It was him. She was absolutely sure of it. There was no mistaking it.
She read through his relationships and close affiliations:
Marlene Dandridge
Anna Williams
They were the only two names written down. Becca was well aware Marlene and Joel were very close and had an intimate relationship. Joel even nicknamed her,'Queen Firefly.'
Although, she didn't know if it was supposed to malicious or a joke. When she found out Joel had been a Firefly, she had been leery of him at first. She was afraid he was luring her into a false sense of security, bring her back to the Fireflies and kill her for the cure. When she saw him go on the rampage at the hospital and kill everyone, she knew she had nothing to worry about.
He hated this as much as she did.
The events of the night he accused her of being a Firefly played in her head. While she forgave him what he did, she would never be able to forget. He almost had her hung or handed her back to the Fireflies. Just like they wanted all along. She was so afraid of it happening again, it kept her up at night. Just like on a night like this one.
She knew Joel would never betray her like that. He certainly would never accuse her of something so heinous again. He almost had her killed while she was pregnant.
She always wondered if Abby was working with Tommy. How long had Abby been around before she started sniffing around Ellie? Did she wait until Lizzie was killed or had she been there all along? There were so many unanswered questions.
She closed Jerry's folder and let out a deep sigh. She should get up to bed. Even though Matty was at the farm, she still had things do the following day. She would be working on the memorial garden and then helping Betsy out at the shop.
She slid the folders back into her messenger bag and headed upstairs to the guest bedroom. She made sure her bag was next to her in the bed. She may be paranoid, but she would rather be safe than sorry. She wouldn't put it against anyone scaling the house like Spider-Man and retrieving the files. Crazier things have happened.
She laid down in bed and managed to fall asleep. She wasn't sleeping very long before the nightmares started up again.
She was walking down the long dark corridor of the hospital. The flickering of the red flashing emergency lights blinked as she called out for Joel and Ellie. She checked every room and they were nowhere to be found.
She felt a sickening sense of dread as she reached the end of the corridor. She could feel eyes on her, like someone was watching her from a distance. She heard someone call out her name and looked down the end of the hallway.
Her eyes widened as she saw Jerry Anderson and David standing at the end of the hallway. David was wearing a black suit and tie, looking ever the Clergyman. Jerry was wearing the exact same thing she saw him in last. Scrubs and a face mask.
They were slowly walking down the hallway as they called out her name. She could hear the faint sounds of the emergency sirens. The smoke bombs they let off made the entire hallway cloudy. She could barely see a thing.
As fast as she ran, they caught up with her. They were leaning over her as they tried reaching for her. She screamed and tried to claw at them, desperately trying to escape. She was terrified, thinking this the moment her life ended forever. They finally got her.
Just as they were about to grab her, she awoken. Her eyes popped open and she sprung up in bed. She let out a loud gasp as tears filled her eyes. She was sweating so profusely, the sheets were soaked. Her heart was pounding hard and fast. She was breathing raggedly, panting harshly as she placed her hand over her chest.
She knew she shouldn't have read the files before bed, knowing they would give her nightmares. She considered herself lucky. She hasn't had a nightmare on almost two weeks. She was getting better and better.
She picked up her watch off the bedside table, seeing it was almost four thirty in the morning. Joel would be getting up in a half hour. There wasn't anyway she was falling back asleep. He told her if she ever had a nightmare and had trouble sleeping, she could always come to the farm. She would finally take him up on his offer.
She pulled herself up out of bed and changed into her clothes. She grabbed her messenger bag and walked downstairs. She wrote a note to Maria, letting her know where she would be before heading out the door. She was a grown adult, but this was Maria's house. She didn't want her to worry.
She grabbed Luna out of the stables before heading to the farm. She wanted to work on her garden. She wanted to talk to Joel. She needed to see him. She just hoped he would be happy to see her.
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Everything was quiet when she went to the farm. She unlocked the stable doors with the key Joel gave her and posted Luna up in the stables. She knew Joel would be waking up soon. She wondered if he would be startled to see her. He let her know she could come around anytime she wanted to, but she's never took him up on his offer until today.
She was walking out of the stables when she saw him. She smiled softly when she saw him carrying Matty, resting him on his hip. He took him for the night. They tended to switch off every few nights, giving each other a break. They were afraid it would be stressful on Matty, but he was almost two and still young to realize what was going on. Hopefully, they would get their shit together before he realizes his parents are basketcases.
Aren't we all though?
He was dressed for the day, with a thermos of coffee in his hand. She waited for him while he walked down the trail. It was too dark for him to see her yet. She saw the rifle hoisted over his shoulder and smiled wryly to herself. Even now, he was still on the defense. Some things never change.
He reached midway up the path when he saw her. He smiled softly and waved at her,'Fancy seein ya around these parts.' He walked up to her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips,'Good morning.'
She looked up at him and gave him a small smile,'Good morning.'
She took Matty out of his arms and kissed all over his face,'How we doing, bud?' She ran her hand through his messy dark curls, looking like the spitting image of his father,'Were you a good boy? Did ya have fun with daddy?'
'Loads.' He smirked,'I put him on a horse for the first time yesterday.' He saw her eyes widen and held his hands up defensively,'It was a pony. I ain't putting him on a stallion. I put him on Shorty and held onto him the entire time. I wanna make sure he can ride, Bec. It's important.'
'I agree.' She nodded,'My daddy put me on a horse around the same age. Damn near gave my mama a heart attack.'
He laughed and pinched her cheek,'We can teach him together.'
She nodded and smiled softly,'I would like that.'
He looked over her face and frowned when he saw the distress etched into her features,'What's the matter? Did something happen?'
'Not really.' She shook her head and sighed,'I mean, everything is fine, but I was reading over the Firefly files and had a nightmare.'
He sighed as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly,'What was it about this time?'
She closed her eyes as she rested her head against his chest, letting the warmth of his body soothe and ease her soul,'I was in the hospital. Jerry and David were there and chasing after me. Just as they were about to catch me, I woke up.'
He rubbed her back soothingly as he kissed the top of her head. He was well aware she was still having nightmares, but they weren't as frequent as they used to be. He figured with the recent new developments, she was shook and experiencing everything again.
'You ain't in that hospital anymore. I killed every single one of those motherfuckers. You saw El kill David. I would look them all again if I had to.'
His words soothed her. Not due to the threat of violence, but the fact they protected each other. She would kill Abby if she had to. If she thought the young woman meant to do any of them harm, she would slit her throat without remorse. She could be violent too. Especially when it comes to the people she cares about.
She leaned back from him and shook her head,'Jerry was the Head Surgeon at the hospital. I'm sure of it.'
'What made ya come to that conclusion?' His eyes narrowed as the tone of his voice became eerily calm,'Do have proof?'
'No. Not really.' She patted her messenger bag,'I just kept staring at his photo over and over again. I couldn't see his face because he was wearing a mask, but I would recognize those eyes anywhere.'
Joel was silent as he listened to her. The only person he recognized in the hospital had been Marlene. Everyone else's faces were covered up. He had been in such a blind rage because and wouldn't be able to tell the difference between anyone anyway.
He looked down at her and frowned,'Are ya absolutely sure?'
'Yes.' She spoke confidently as she looked up at him and met his gaze,'Ever since I learned about Abby and her father, I've been scouring everything I can find on them, which isn't much. Sharon and Francis kept some notes, but they never wrote down anything that could compromise their research. It was the only thing they did right.' She shook her head and sighed,'I'm absolutely sure of it, Joel.'
He trusted her without question. He didn't doubt her instincts as others have in the past. He could see the blatant fear elucidated in her eyes. He felt a rage festering and blooming inside his chest, but he pushed it down as far as it could go. He wouldn't fly off the handle. His therapist put him in anger management. She called him a 'hot head' and said he would benefit from it. Two weeks in and he hasn't wanted to punch someone lights out.
If he found out Abby meant to do any one of them harm, he would kill her. He wouldn't let anything come between him and the safety of his family. He was always distrusting of Abby. She seemed too nice and…too curious about everything. She asked too many questions, which didn't sit right with him.
Her eyes searched his face as he let out a deep sigh,'What do we do?
'Wait.' He shrugged,'We wait until we know more or Abby acts out. I don't think she's gonna do anything right now. She's just beginning.'
Becca sighed and shook her head,'I say this in respect, but you're underestimating her. Her father was a high ranking Firefly surgeon. He knew Ellie's mother. He knew Tess. Marlene. It's all in the files.'
Joel crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes at the mention of Marlene's name,'Queen Firefly.' He snorted,'She always said she wanted peace and out of the life, but she was still fucking around with them.'
'I saw your name in Marlene's file. She was one of your close associates.'
'She was at one point.' There wasn't any reason to lie to her. He scratched the back of his neck nervously,'Me, Marlene and Tess had an agreement.'
She arched her eyebrow as she switched hips with Matty,'Agreement?' Her eyes widened in realization,'You were all in a relationship?'
'Agreement.' He clarified,'All three of us lived together at one point and…let's just say we shared everything.'
She wasn't surprised nor she would get jealous. He was a different person back then. She wouldn't judge him for living his life the way he wanted to.
She sighed and shook her head,'She begged you not to kill her, but you did anyway? Why?'
He bent down and kissed Matty on the top of his head,'Cause I knew they would keep coming for us. Marlene was relentless about seeing the mission through. She said it was her last before she retired.' He averted his eyes downward, whispering,'I put her outta her misery.'
She sighed as she wrapped one arm around his waist,'I know you feel guilty for killing her, but I would've done the same thing, Joel. You did nothing wrong but protect El.'
'I protected you too.' He shook his head,'I didn't give a damn about ya then, but El did. There wasn't no way I was leaving ya there. Ya know that right? I wouldn't have killed ya.'
'Cause of Ellie?' She smiled.
'Maybe.' He shrugged,'I just knew what it was like to be…controlled by other people. It's why I left the Fireflies and Raiders. I hated people telling me what to do. I thought ya deserved to come back here and see what life is like.'
Tears filled her eyes at his words and she rested her head on his arm,'You sure did.' She looked out at the farm and their acres of land,'It's why we have to protect it at all costs.'
'And we will.' He nodded, the tone of his voice leaving no room for doubt,'Ain't no one gonna take you, El or Matty away from me. I can promise ya that.
'The same goes for you too. El may not be the biggest fan of me right now, but she's still my kid.' She glanced up at him, biting back a frown,'She start talking to you yet?'
'Not really.' He shook his head,'She says hi and we exchange a few words and that's it.' He sighed and ran a hand through his hair,'Maybe she finally realized she doesn't need us anymore.'
A cold and sickening dread came over her at his words.
She doesn't need us anymore.
She was so afraid he was right. They weren't her real parents. She didn't owe anything to them. Yet, it hurt so much. She knew Joel was hurting too. She could see it in his eyes whenever they talked about her.
Ellie chose to be a Miller. She wanted to be their daughter. Then why could she just walk away from them so easily? Maybe they should've been honest with her all along. She's always been curious about her parents. She was a grown woman and they should've included her.
He saw the tears in her eyes and decided to change the subject,'You come to garden?'
She nodded and grinned,'You know me too well.' She bounced Matty on her hip,'But first we're gonna milk the cows and feed the goats.'
He smirked as he watched her kiss Matty and talk to him. He loved that she was all in when it came to the farm. She wanted their son to know everything. It would be his one day. This farm was their legacy.
He leaned down and kissed her lips, nuzzling her nose against his,'Ya eat yet?'
'No.' She frowned as her stomach grumbled,'I just threw some clothes on and came right here.'
He bit back a smirk. She had a nightmare and chose to come to the farm for solace. She could've gone anywhere in Jackson yet she came to him. That makes a man feel mighty special.
He jerked his head towards the house,'There's some breakfast leftover.' He cleared his throat,'I ended up making too much. I'm still thinking I'm cooking for…'
He shook his head and didn't finish his sentence. She understood what he meant anyway. Sometimes, a man needs to be strong. Not just for everyone else, but himself.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and leaned up to kiss him,'I'll make sure the cows are milked and the animals are fed. Then I'll go back to the house to eat. Thank you.'
He chuckled softly and shook his head,'I have my girl and baby on the farm with me. Thank yourself, darlin.'
She laughed at that as he gently smacked her butt. She walked to the barn to milk the cows. It was one of her favorite things to do. She loved those girls.
He watched as she set Matty down on his feet, letting him walk into the barn on his own. He was still wobbly and walking like he was punch drunk, but he was getting the hang of it real quick. They would have start to keep a close on him. They've already closed off every stair. He was starting to explore, which they loved, but it was scary sometimes.
The kid had no fear. He hoped that would diminish as he got older. He didn't want him to be like his old man. He wanted him to do better.
He shook his head. He wouldn't have to worry about that. Becca was a great mom. She was loving and attentive. She struggled at first. It was difficult for her in the beginning as she fumbled being a first time mom. Maria and Betsy helped as best they could, but she stumbled a bit. Not before long, she was a pro at it.
She recently admitted to him she had been struggling from postpartum depression. It was one of the reasons why she was so distant with him. He didn't recognize the signs and she struggled with it silently. They should've paid attention to each other more.
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Becca was working on the memorial garden when she heard someone screaming her name. She looked up and her eyes widened when she saw Ellie charging towards her.
She stood up from the ground and wiped her dirty hands on her jeans. She gave her daughter a soft smile as she reached up to touch her cheek,'Hey, stranger. Long time no see. You wanna go somewhere and talk?'
Ellie smacked her hand away and seethed,'I don't wanna go anywhere with you.' She balled her hands into tight fists at her sides,'I know what ya did. You went into the public records office and took Abby and her father's files. How fucking dare you do something like that.'
She folded her hands behind her back and took a deep breath. After she took the files, she knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time.
She looked over Ellie's shoulder and see Abby standing behind her. She had an unreadable look on her face. The girl's face was stoic as she crossed her arms defensively over her chest.
Why was she letting Ellie fight her battles?
'I showed them to you.' She kept her voice calm and steady,'You knew my intentions.'
'Bullshit.' Ellie shook her head,'Abby saw you going into Sharon's house. This is my life too. You just don't get to do that. Keep things from me. You're my mama.'
Becca quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks. Her words stung. Ellie didn't seem to be angry at the fact she took the files. She seemed hurt and disappointed she wasn't included. It's where she went wrong. Ellie was right. It is her life too.
'I'm sorry, sweetheart.' She shook her head,'You're right. I should've included you.'
Becca stared at Abby. The girl had been following her. It's the only way she could've known she was at Sharon's. She made sure to enter at the back of the house. The only way anyone would be able to see her was if they were following her.
How long has Abby been following her? The thought sent a cold chill down her spine. This girl was trouble and Ellie didn't see it. How could she be so blind to her faults? What kind of power did this girl have over her?
Becca could feel the eyes of the townsfolk watching them. They were giving them fuel for gossip for the next year. They already didn't trust her to begin with. Some of the church ladies probably thought she was a witch with all the herbs and flowers she grew. She didn't give a damn. Let them think what they want.
'You're right.' Ellie nodded and snorted,'You shoulda included me.' She looked her over and shook her head,'You violated my trust. You and Joel hid things from me. We swore to each other we wouldn't do that. You're just like everyone else. I was the one who convinced Joel to bring ya here. You would've been burned to ash in Silver Lake if it weren't for me. I shoulda just left ya there to rot with all those religious psychos.'
'That's enough!'
Joel's loud booming voice cause them both to freeze.
He stomped over to them with a look of anger and disappointment etched into his features.
He stood between them and turned to Ellie,'What gives you the right to talk to your mama like that?'
'She ain't my mama.' She scoffed,'She ain't anyone.'
Becca's eyes widened as tears fell down her cheeks. That cut deep. She knew Ellie better than she knew herself. She was young and speaking out of anger. Regardless of the fact it still hurt.
Joel's eyes squinted as his jaw locked in anger. He met Ellie's gaze firmly,'You don't talk to her like that. Do you understand me? We don't do this. Airing our personal business out for everyone to talk about. That ain't us and I don't know who's putting all these fucking thoughts into your head, but this shit gotta stop.'
Joel made sure to look at Abby too. She had a smug grin on her face as she looked at him. She almost seemed pleased with herself that she was breaking up their family. Ellie didn't want to see it. Unfortunately, she would have to learn the hard way on her own.
Ellie narrowed her eyes at him as she pointed at his chest,'I'm almost twenty one years old. You don't get to tell me what to do either. I can date and be friends with whoever I want to. Even if you were my parents, you don't have a say in my life.'
Ellie averted her eyes between Becca and Joel, shaking her head sadly,'Just leave me alone. I need some time and space to figure things out. You both violated my trust.'
She grabbed Abby's hand defiantly,'I'm going to Maria's house to see Matty since you're not gonna be there.'
Ellie walked away from them hand in hand with Abby.
Joel wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side,'Are you okay?'
She was silent for a moment. She didn't know how to answer that without giving herself away. She didn't know if she was okay. Sometimes she felt like she didn't know anything.
She nodded and sighed shakily, whispering,'Our daughter wants nothing to do with us.'
'For now.' He watched Ellie walking off in the distance,'I hope El has a gun when sleeping next to that girl.'
She looked up at him and let out a dry laugh. He wasn't kidding. She hoped for the same.
(Next up. Ellie starts questioning some things. It's also Matty's 2nd birthday. Lastly, what's abby doing snooping around Sharon's house?)