BONSAI

Momo took pruning shears to her bonsai. With a few snips, the offending branches sapping precious nutrients were left around the trunk.

"Why's your tree tiny?" Kaminari asked.

"It's a bonsai. It's supposed to be small."

"But it's a tree. It's supposed to be big."

Momo gave him an erudite raised eyebrow that conveyed in its every microexpression how lacking she found Kaminari's intellect. "It would not fit in my room."

"But that's cruel! Trees are supposed to be free! And they make oxygen!"

"It's making oxygen just fine in my room."

"So now the rich are hoarding air too! What's next, hoarding thoughts?"

"I must be, seeing how few you have."

Kaminari mimed being struck in the heart. "Why'd you have to do me like that?"

"I'd apologize, but my parents taught me to always be honest."

"You know what? For that, I'm going to set your tree free."

"What are you-"

Kaminari upended his energy drink into the plant's pot. "There! Now you'll grow super big!"

"Kaminari! Do you have any idea what's in that stuff?" As Kaminari opened his mouth, she cut him off. "Wait, don't answer. You wouldn't drink that stuff if you did."

"It's liquid energy! That tree will zoom right up!"

"It's liquid poison! You just killed my bonsai! Do you have any idea how much this cost?"

"Like, a thousand yen?"

"Try a million."

Kaminari choked. "For a plant?"

"It's a very expensive plant!"

"Does it make you high if you sniff it? Does money grow on it? Jesus, a PS5 would be cheaper!"

"So you better hope I manage to save it-"

The plant quivered. Its trunk shot up, and its branches spread out. Giant vibrant leaves unfurled, and pearlescent flowers dotted its foliage.

"Told you so!"

A branch smacked Kaminari. A mouth split the bonsai's trunk, and jagged bark teeth gnashed. "Stay away from mother!" the bonsai hissed.

"Waah! Monster! Help!" Kaminari shouted.

Izuku stepped through the wall. "I heard distressed feminine shouting. Is anyone in need of assistance?"

"Kill it!" Kaminari shrieked. "Kill it with fire!"

"Murder is illegal, and no crimes have been committed. Please refer any damages to a civil claims court-"

The bonsai smacked Izuku. Izuku charged up a plasma shot. "Crime committed. Do not resist, or face termination."

The bonsai sent branches into Izuku's body. Servos groaned as Izuku bent against their will.

"Error. Servos AR-1, AR-3 out of alignment. Error. Foreign objects detected in skeletal structure. Error. Servos AR-2, RS-1 dislocated. Foreign entity in control of proprietary Midoriya technology. Seeking a disaster shelter is advised."

The bonsai slithered into Izuku's body. Izuku clumsily stomped out and fired at everyone they saw. The bonsai crowed, "Blood for my roots! Flesh for my mother!"

Bakugo drop-kicked Izuku hard enough to send the bonsai flying. "No robot takeover on my watch, Deku!"

"Your assistance is appreciated-"

"Die!"

"Your assistance-"

"Die!"

"Bakugo, I'm-"

Izuku pinched a nerve in Bakugo shoulder and said, "Thank you," as he passed out.

499

Me: make a silly story about bonsai go brr

Brain: okie day

Me: how tf did you make a bonsai an avengers level threat?