STRAW

"Bon appetit!" Aoyama said, setting out the milkshakes. While everyone else reached for a spoon, Kirishima took out a straw.

"Are you sure you don't want a spoon?" Ojiro asked.

"It's a milkshake, man!" Kirishima said. "If you're using a spoon, you may as well be eating ice cream."

"Alright then. Good luck with that."

Kirishima sucked. Despite all the air hissing between his lips, the viscous sludge of frozen cow juice laboriously crept up the plastic tube.

"You sure you're good?"

"Yep!" Kirishima said. The straw made his words come out as determined grunts. The sucking intensified, to the collective displeasure of the table.

"Kirishima, please," Mina said. "Use a spoon."

"Almost got it!"

Kirishima redoubled his sucking. The ice cream crept up a little higher.

"You're turning blue." Mina crossed her arms. "I get that I'm the last person to tell people they can't be other colors, but that can't be healthy."

"It's a milkshake! It's not supposed to be healthy!"

"Then why did you add protein powder to yours?"

"For the gains!"

The milkshake finally reached the top of the straw. Sucking with all his might, Kirishima extracted a tiny bead of frozen dairy treat and smacked his lips.

"There! That's how you drink a milkshake."

"Mon ami, your face! Like a marble statue, non?"

Mina ran her hand over Kirishima's chiseled chin. "Oh wow, it's so…"

"Manly?"

"Honestly, yeah. Can you even move your face?"

Kirishima's jaw twitched slightly. "Like this?"

"I think the answer's a no."

Kirishima shrugged and went back to his drink. Mina said, "Hey, maybe you shouldn't do more of that."

The milkshake flowed more readily. Kirishima gulped it down without pausing for breath. "Why would I? This milkshake's amazing!"

Once the last of the milkshake went up the straw, his cup made a rasping, gurgling sound as he kept sucking.

"Alright Kiri, that's enough. It's empty now!"

"There's still a little bit left."

Kirishima strained his jaw. The cup imploded with a snap of crumpling plastic, balling up at the end of the straw. As Kirishima kept sucking, Mina said, "Seriously, you can stop now."

"I can't!" Kirishima's eyes went wide as he tugged at the straw. "My mouth won't stop sucking!"

With a pop like a pneumatic tube, the crumpled cup shot inside the straw. A gust blew through the room as Kirishima sucked on the air. The tablecloth disappeared into the straw, then the table, then silverware and dishes from the kitchen.

"Kirishima!" Mina cried as she clung to the floor. "Stop!"

"I can't!"

Mina's grip slipped. She stretched into a pink blur before disappearing into the straw. As the others were about to fly in, Izuku stuck his finger on the straw.

"There. The problem is solved."

Kirishima kept sucking. With one end blocked, Kirishima got sucked into the other end. The rest of 1-A disappeared, then the whole campus, then Japan, then the world.

Izuku, floating in space, asked, "Where did everyone go?"

496

"Bon appetit!" Aoyama said, setting out the milkshakes. While everyone else reached for a spoon, Kirishima took out a straw.

"Is anyone else getting dejavu?" Ojiro asked.

"Honestly, yeah. I had this nightmare where Kirishima sucked up the whole universe through a straw."

"Weird. I had that dream too."

As Kirishima started sucking up his milkshake, everyone collectively dogpiled him.

- I may or may not have been inspired by some comment about somebody looking like they suck peanut butter through a straw