Ch. 49 - Spending
Zoro found his daughter crying in the semi crowded street, Helena and the others nowhere in sight.
"What happened, kid? Did you get lost?" She reached for him. When he picked her up she immediately buried her face in his shoulder.
"Yady," she sobbed. "Yady, Yipso!"
Zoro furrowed his brow, trying to understand her toddler-speak.
"Want Yady! Yady go to Yipso! No yike Yipso! Yipso bad!"
Zoro still couldn't quite understand.
"Yipso der!" she waved toward the mouth of a shadowed alleyway. Zoro narrowed his gaze at it and tuned his haki outward. He saw and sensed nothing, but whatever this was seemed to really have Kuina upset. He placed a hand on his swords, and was just contemplating a step into the shadows when he heard Helena's voice:
"Oh, thank Zeus," she gasped, running up to him. "She got away from us. I was so worried! Kuina! You naughty…!"
Zoro interrupted in time to save his daughter from a scolding. "She's pretty spooked."
Kuina grabbed fistfuls of his jacket and hid her face again.
"What happened, Kuina Bee?" Helena asked, softening her tone as she stroked her daughter's hair. "Why'd you leave?"
Nami and Sanji had caught up to them by now. "I swear, you've gotta put a leash on that kid," Nami started but she stopped when she saw Kuina's tearstained face.
"Yady…" Kuina sobbed.
Helena sighed. "Lady? You mean your snake? Kuina, we've been over this, Lady isn't coming back, Sweetheart."
"No!" Kuina grumped, "I see Yady! Yady Yipso!"
"Yipso…?" Helena repeated. "Ca-lypso?"
Zoro could see the color drain from her face at the thought of him being there. He tuned his haki further outward, but again didn't sense Calypso anywhere in the thrum of people milling about the shopping branch.
A moment later a woman with long, locked hair walked by and Zoro and Helena glanced at each other.
"Lady Calypso," they both said in understanding.
The color returned to Helena's face and she put on a comforting smile for their daughter. "Kuina, other people wear their hair like that. It's not him. You aren't in danger. I mean…" she looked a bit worried for a moment, and glanced at Zoro. "That isn't him right? With Diddy's powers, he could be anywhere…"
Zoro could sense the unassuming woman with his haki. Perfectly normal Ryubokuuan going about her day. "That's not him," he said. "It's alright Kuina. You're safe."
"Want Yady. No Yipso…" Kuina muttered, but the grown ups, now satisfied with their interpretation of her words, turned their conversation elsewhere
"Glad we found you," Helena said. "Did you get something good?"
Zoro smirked and dangled a black shopping bag from a couple of his fingers. When she reached for it he pulled it back out of her grasp. "Wouldn't you like to know," he teased.
"Wait…is that from Birdz & Beez?" Sanji asked, peaking out from behind a mound of Nami's shopping bags, which he had inevitably found himself carrying.
"What of it, Curly Brows?"
"But that's…that's a…"
"An adult store?" Helena supplied for him. "Why yes. I asked him to pick something out for me."
"SHE LETS YOU PICK?!"
The nosebleed to follow shot Sanji backwards so hard and fast that he disappeared out from underneath the shopping bags he'd been carrying. He flew back into the wooden street, scraping up a giant curlicue of a wood shaving as he went. When at last he came to a stop, he curled into the fetal position and rolled from side to side, tears pouring down his face as confused shoppers stared at him.
"Why, why, WHY is life so unfair?!" he moaned to himself. "The universe is a cruel child with a magnifying glass, and I am the ant caught in its gaze."
Nami stormed after him, complaining that he'd dropped her stuff. Helena looked after them and sighed.
"Zoro, can I ask you a question?" she asked seriously.
"What's on your mind?"
"How do the finances of your ship work?" she asked, watching Nami slap Sanji's cheeks to try to snap him out of his breakdown. "How do you guys pay for the stuff you all use? I mean, I don't see you all dividing up the fridge like a bunch of roommates. You're more like a family, right?"
"We all contribute to joint expenses when we can. Medical supplies, food, repair stuff," Zoro said. "This time Brook made the most, so he contributed the most."
"And who manages the money?" Helena prodded. "Makes the budget?"
"Nami does. Why?"
He noticed Helena's face go dark. In an instant he knew – Helena had had her first personal run in with Nami's greed.
"And how do you know she doesn't steal some for herself?" she asked in a low voice.
Zoro smirked. "Oh, I guarantee she does."
She stared at him, clearly perplexed by his unbothered tone.
"- and Luffy steals from the fridge, even when rations are low. Usopp is constantly weaseling his way out of helping in a fight. I have damaged the ship a few times with my workouts. Brook is a menace with any chore we put him up to. – And Sergeant Curly Brows over there," he nodded toward the man, who had just gotten a mountain of shopping bags dropped on top of him. "Simps over the ladies so much he's a danger to himself and the crew."
"And you don't think something should be done about any of those things?" Helena insisted.
He turned to her, smirking. "We're pirates Helena. We're not saints. – Before you go trying to fix anything, maybe take some time to see how and why it all works. Nami might skim a bit off the pot now and again, but so what? We've never gone without because of her. Can't say the same about Luffy. And frankly, she's the one who keeps us moving in the right direction. We'd never have made it this far without her."
Helena cocked her head, unconvinced.
"Think about it," Zoro went on. "I have never brought in the most money, but I definitely make up for it in battle. She may not be the strongest in a fight but we all owe her our lives for guiding us to safe waters. On top of that, she's probably the only one who can keep Luffy in check. Her virtues far outweigh her vices. That's generally true of each of us."
Helena nodded. Her expression had lightened up some, though she remained pensive.
"All that being said, if she swindled you, so help me…"
Helena smirked. "No. If anything, she owes me money."
Sanji and Nami had caught up to them by now, and Nami let out a loud chuff. "Excuse me? I do n–!"
"I paid for your purchases back there, but I never said it was a gift," Helena reminded her. "I expect you to pay me back. You can start by taking me shoe shopping." She wiggled her still sparkly toes in the slightly too-big flip-flops she had borrowed from Robin.
Nami gaped at her. So did Zoro. "Nami owes you money?" he gasped. "Please tell me you're charging her interest."
"I won't if she can make up the difference to me by the end of the day," Helena said, smiling at Nami smugly as she held the Crimin receipt out to her. "Here's what you owe me. You got a lot more than I did."
Nami snatched the receipt and looked it over, grumbling as she and the rest of the party continued on their way down the street.
With a sneer on his face, Calypso watched his hated rival, and his two targets, move out of range.
While on Helena's Island, he had wanted his haki to be recognized in hopes of alluring Helena with his power. However now, like any agent worth his salt, he easily masked his haki from even the most keen observer. He could even mask Lady's presence if she was close enough to him.
Yes, he was confident none of his enemies had sensed him in Ryubokuu yet. However, had Roronoa taken just one more step into the alleyway, things would be different.
He turned his attention to the angry white snake wriggling against his restraining grasp.
"That was close, Pretty Lady," he murmured. He was careful not to let her hear how angry he was. He had strictly told her this was for reconnaissance only, but she couldn't seem to help herself. "Do you realize what her father would have done to you if he had caught you, mon?"
Lady ceased trying to constrict him and stared at him, surprised. As soon as she relaxed he released her muzzle.
"Remember, Kuina's parents are pirates. They aren't good people," he said. "You heard what 'Elena said about you not coming back. Sounds like she just doesn't want you to come back."
Lady hung her head and Calypso stroked her scales comfortingly.
"It's all right, mon. We'll reunite the two of you soon, I promise," he reassured her. "And you know that even if you ran awry of that bloodthirsty Roronoa, I would defend you, right?"
She lifted her head and raised a scaly brow at him.
"Don't look at me like that, mon! I could totally take him, even if I were more injured than I am now," he protested. "I'm just not fool enough to try to take on the rest of the Straw Hats at the same time."
It was really too bad Dimitri's chalk had been ruined in Calypso's recent encounters with the Stormwyrms. If he still had it, he would have snatched Roronoa's girl the moment she saw him in the alleyway, and sent her with the teleporter straight to Marie Jois. Then, while the pirates split up to search for her, it would just be a matter of getting Helena by herself.
He needed to form a plan before going after the two royals now. They were too well protected. First he needed to find a secure transponder snail.
"You've got to promise me not to go rogue again, Pretty Lady," he said to the snake. "Do you trust me?"
She nodded and he smiled.
"Good girl."
Zoro had been detecting a strong presence on the tree from the moment the Straw Hats had arrived in Ryubokuu. It hadn't been Calypso Blue though. Hearing the suggestion at all had raised Zoro's hackles some, but he found some reassurance in the idea that if CP4 had caught up to them, they would have attacked long before now. After all, Helena had been vulnerable while stuck in that coma.
Anyway, whatever that presence was, it had not been coming from that alleyway. Perhaps Kuina's frazzled nerves could be chalked up to pre-naptime crankiness. As they continued down the street, Kuina had eventually ceased her trembling and fallen asleep against his shoulder.
"You know, this was supposed to be a girl's shopping trip," Nami pointed out after they had hit a few more stores.
"You don't seem to mind Sanji being here all that much," Zoro countered. "You're using him as a pack mule as always."
"It is an honor to carry a lady's shopping!" Sanji cried.
"Simp," Zoro jabbed.
"You're just afraid to let the ladies see that I can carry more than you."
"Oh man, you're right," Zoro retorted. "My arm is just too tired carrying this around." He held up the Birdz & Beez bag, making Sanji grind his teeth while jealous steam shot out of his nose.
Helena's laugh turned the triumphant smirk on Zoro's face into a more genuine grin. Man, he loved having her here.
"I don't mind carrying my own shopping," she said of the bags on her arms. "Besides, you're carrying Kuina."
"You don't think I can carry the bags and Kuina?"
"I never said that," Helena defended. "You're perfectly capable, but so am I. And anyway, I'm not in the habit of using people."
She didn't glance at Nami as she said it, but by the twitch of Nami's eyebrow the redhead clearly caught the jab.
"Oh, you mean like dumping your kid on unwilling babysitters?" she countered.
"Don't worry. You won't be burdened with the privilege again," Helena retorted. "After all, I need to be more careful with my spending, right? Why pay a sitter when there are plenty of friends willing to watch her for free?"
Nami stopped in her tracks, a look of sudden horror on her face. It had apparently not occurred to her before that moment that her insistence on payment for childcare might lessen her chances of spending time with Kuina.
"Wait a second, I…" she started. But at that precise moment, a man in blue and black striped lederhosen loudly blasted a crumhorn in the street.
A wooden, J-shaped flute fairly common to Ryubokuu, the crumhorn had a strange buzzing quality that made the air hum. Many shoppers stopped to enjoy the performance.
"Well, tip the man," Helena prodded Nami.
Nami grumbled as she dug into her purse. But then she got a look on her face. All her bitterness and anger seemed to vanish. She smirked, retrieved a berry bill, and generously tipped the performer.
Zoro didn't like the look in her eye. She'd gone from angry to conniving. Helena might be in trouble.
She didn't seem to sense it. "I could go for a lunch break," she said, grinning. "Nami's treat."
"You know it's really your money you're spending, right?" Nami warned her.
"But it's so much fun taking it out of your wallet!"
Trafalgar D. Water Law cursed Caesar Clown for the umpteenth time for the umpteenth afternoon he had been stuck on this blasted tree.
When he had decided to play patsy to the mad scientist in order to sabotage DoFlamingo, he hadn't anticipated his skills being put to work as an errand boy. Caesar had sent him to Ryubokuu to see if he could find out what caused the gigantism around the tree. Was it something in the beasts' diet? The water? The air?
Even an idiot could see that even if the tree and some of the animals were affected by something in the area to make them larger, the people who had been living there for over a century were clearly normal sized.
With the government backing him, the Ryubokuuans hadn't looked twice at him entering their harbor back before the start of the Calm. Well, maybe a few of the more naive ones had thought he was sent there to help them with their Shipyard Queen problem. As if the government cared about local calamities.
He hadn't even seen the beast before Helena the Heretic had come along and done away with it. He had, however, made sure to avoid her and the Straw Hats while he was stuck there, taking useless samples of the flora and fauna for Caesar until he could finally leave. The last thing he needed was an encounter with the Straw Hats, particularly since the last time he had seen Queen Helena he had kind of been destroying her homeland. Nothing personal.
Thus, it was with greatest displeasure he found himself face to face with the Head Agent of Cipher Pol 4.
At first Calypso Blue had just flashed a badge and said he wanted to use Law's secure, government transponder snail. – the one he had to keep on him at all times to maintain his warlord status. The agent went into another room to make a call. When he returned, however, he had a look on his face that told Law he was about to be put to work again to keep his Shichibukai title. Great.
"I have a job for you, mon," he said, "I'm sure you are aware that 'Elena the Heretic and the Straw Hat Pirates are here in Ryubokuu."
"What of it?"
"I have been tasked with capturing 'Elena and her daughter and bringing them to justice," Calypso went on, stroking the scales of an ivory snake wrapped about his shoulders. "Unfortunately, they're too well protected right now. If I were to catch them, I'd have no way to get them off the island quickly, what with this Calm. I'd have to face down the entire crew alone, mon, as I'm fairly certain local law enforcement won't have the ability to assist in an arrest of this magnitude. Not if they couldn't fight off that monster they call the Shipyard Queen. Even if they could, I doubt that they would, given 'Elena's hero status."
"So you're wanting me to help you fight them, Calypso-ya?" Law asked blandly. He didn't like the odds. The crew had two of the worst generation's supernovas. And wasn't Helena the Heretic a supernova as well? The rest of the crew had fairly high bounties also.
"No. I need you to keep tabs on them, mon. My team is busy on another mission right now, but I should be getting a frigate with a full crew of lower level agents," Calypso informed him. "As soon as the Calm lifts, I need you to stall the Straw Hats until my backup arrives."
Still a pain, but not as bad as he initially feared. "I suppose I could manage that," Law drawled.
"You're gonna have to keep close to them. Which means you need to mask your haki so they don't sense you nearby, mon. You know how, right?"
Law glowered at him for a moment, then intentionally masked his haki for the agent's benefit.
"What, are you asking me to stalk them? What'll you be doing?"
"I need to talk to Mayor Induztry."
"I thought you said you didn't think the locals would help, Calypso-ya."
"Not to capture anyone, no," Calypso said, smiling a little to himself, "But I'm sure they could be…persuaded to be useful in other ways."
Zoro noticed the powerful presence he'd been sensing disappear. It didn't bother him too much. After all, a person had to sleep. Whoever it was was probably taking a mid-afternoon nap.
Speaking of naps, Kuina was done with hers. She didn't seem as upset anymore, but she stuck closer to the adults than usual, sometimes tripping them if they weren't careful.
The moment he had put her down, a shopping carrying contest would have inevitably ensued, but while Helena let him take some of her bags, she quietly murmured to him that she preferred he keep at least one sword arm free.
He didn't argue with her. While he didn't sense Calypso about, he could tell Helena needed the reassurance. Not for the first time he wondered about Chopper's insistence on disarming her.
The couple weren't thinking about any of that at present though. They were at their last stop. Helena had wanted to find at least one dress for formal occasions, and Zoro had spotted one for her in a shop window.
It wasn't actually all that formal. It was a sundress, simple and elegant. Sleeveless but modest, she would have no issues using her arm swords, and it had plenty of legroom.
And, as he had predicted, it looked amazing on her. Zoro had always asserted that Helena liked to wear pretty things, just not the kind to slow her down, and her reaction was proof of it.
"Ugh, why couldn't you have been my court designer?" she joked, giving the dress a proper twirl. "This is all I ever asked for. Something I can move in!"
"Probably helps he's not, you know, trying to kill you," Nami pointed out. She went on with feeling: "You know that dress would look amazing with a sun hat. And you can accessorize it with the right belt. Ooh! And that reminds me, you could probably use some sunglasses. Get a few pair, in case you break one."
She busied herself finding Helena the suggested items, meanwhile Sanji had tears streaming down his face. "He even gets to pick dresses to put her in," he muttered to himself.
He and the others had put their shopping down upon entering the store, and Kuina currently rode on his shoulders, hugging his head. "There, there, my pwince," she said, patting him.
He cracked a smile but her consolation didn't go far.
"Zoro, the zipper's stuck," Helena called to him from where she had just entered a dressing stall. "Could you come help me out of this thing?"
Zoro couldn't help fixing Sanji with a Cheshire grin, not taking his eyes off him, making sure his smug smile was the last thing Sanji saw before Zoro disappeared into the stall.
Helena stifled a giggle when he turned to her and made to help her with the aforementioned zipper.
"Hey, this isn't stuck," he observed.
"Oh, I know. I just wanted to mess with Sanji."
"You've been doing this stuff on purpose?" he spluttered.
Helena suppressed a laugh and nodded at him. "Yup! All day."
The mighty Roronoa Zoro went a little weak in the knees. "I think I'm in love with you."
A thought occurred to him, and a devious smile spread across his face. He grinned, raised a fist to the wall of the changing stall, and started to pound on it. The entire stall started to rock.
Sanji let out an unearthly screech, while Helena blushed and clapped her hands over her mouth to hold back a laugh.
"Oh, get a room, you two," Nami chuffed.
"I mean, technically we have," Helena snickered to Zoro, and he made the stall rock harder.
"Have you noticed that everyone around here carries an umbrella?" Helena observed with interest.
Zoro had noticed. They walked around with the small, compact kind strapped in holsters at their sides. They apparently came in a wide array of interesting colors and patterns.
"Yeah, it's a little weird. It hasn't even rained since the beginning of the Calm, back during your first night on the Sunny."
"They say it's for when the Calm lifts," Nami informed them. "Which can happen at any time. By the way, I picked out a nice one for you." She pulled the spring loaded umbrella from one of her shopping bags and handed it to Helena.
Helena admired it before strapping it to her waist. Most of the umbrellas they'd seen had been either plain or simple in design. This one had a beautiful mural of the giant tree painted on it. Nami did have expensive tastes.
"We can have the rest of our shopping dropped off at the ship," Nami went on.
They soon found a stable of delivery bees for that purpose. Helena stayed back and allowed the others to arrange the delivery so she wouldn't have to get too close to the bees. Zoro noticed that Nami chose the most expensive option for delivery, including unnecessary packaging and to have it dropped off within the hour. She tipped the delivery driver handsomely.
With this task completed, she and the others joined Helena back out on the street.
"Now, let's discuss what you owe me," Nami said, rounding on Helena cheerfully.
"Owe you? You were paying me back!"
Zoro got a sinking feeling in his gut. He had tried to warn Helena not to let Nami buy her anything, but his wife's confidence had made him think she had the situation under control.
Nami proudly produced a double fistful of receipts.
"You way outspent what I owed," the miser crowed. "Ah, and here, I kept track of how often you had me tip anyone on the street." She produced a ledger. "For your convenience, I've totaled everything here. You can check against the receipts if you like."
Helena accepted the papers and looked them over, muttering under her breath as she checked Nami's math. Sure enough, the ex-queen had not been careful in her spending. Nami certainly hadn't helped the matter, encouraging her to buy more than she needed and tipping extra.
At last, Helena looked up at her. "Nami, could I speak to you in private?"
Helena had gone into diplomacy mode, showing no anger or frustration despite the situation. Zoro and Sanji hung back with Kuina as the two women stepped across the street to discuss.
"I'm surprised," Sanji ribbed him quietly. "I thought you would have stepped in."
"This is Helena's fight," Zoro replied. "She seems to have it handled."
Helena's body language belayed only confidence in the conversation they could see happening. Nami's expression turned from smug to starry eyed. There seemed to be no animosity happening between the two shrewd women.
After a moment they returned. Nami maintained a cheerful demeanor. Helena seemed perfectly content.
"Zoro," she said, still in her controlled diplomacy voice. "I am sorry I spent all of the funds you painstakingly earned for our family. I am, however, pleased to inform you that I have devised a means to pay Nami back without further inconvenience to you."
Zoro furrowed his brow. "Inconvenience…? Helena, the money was for you. That's why I earned it."
Nami broke from her starry eyed demeanor and stared at him, "And you call Sanji the simp?"
"How is it simping?" Zoro shot back at her. "Difference between me and Curly Brows: Helena is actually my woman. Besides, she took care of me more than her share when I was in Ilium."
A bit taken aback, Helena dropped her diplomatic tone. "Zoro, I was wealthy!" she exclaimed. "You made far more of a sacrifice for me now than I did for you then. And I spent it foolishly. I'm truly sorry."
"Nah, I get to see you in leggings every day now. It was purely self interest."
Helena didn't seem to know what to make of this compliment. She glanced askance, tucking a loose strand of her short hair behind an ear and flushed. Sanji seemed more than a bit impressed.
"Look at you, Moss Monster!" He sang out proudly. "I never thought I'd live to see the day when you would know how to treat a lady!"
"You guys are just in a delayed honeymoon phase," Nami huffed. "I give it a month, tops."
"No need to be sour about it," Helena shot at her as she took Zoro's arm. Zoro grinned at her. She was still blushing. It was cute. "Anyway, Nami, you stand to benefit quite a bit from our agreement, yes? So you should have no complaints."
"None whatsoever."
"What did you promise her?" Zoro asked, a little concerned.
"It's nothing yet," Helena said, "But hopefully a profitable venture for us both. I'll be drafting a contract, and you're welcome to look it over, Zoro."
"A contract?" Nami looked startled.
"Yes. At the nearest bank so we can get it notarized. It'll protect both our interests to have it in writing. Zoro, you can be a witness if you like, though I think the notary is enough."
Zoro chuckled. Helena more than had it handled. It was nice to see Nami's financial wiles put in check. "Nah, I don't need to get involved. Just make sure you don't let her charge interest."
Nami let out a harrumph.