The entire car ride home in Alvin's BMW was filled with dead silence. No one had anything to say. It was like they were all simply trying to process what had just happened in the Chipettes' old treehouse several minutes ago. And trying to process what was going on with Brittany herself.
It was extremely telling that Brittany, typically the most talkative one out of them all (though Alvin wasn't too far behind), was at a total loss for words. But the once super chatty Chipette had nothing to say right now. She felt completely numb and drained of all energy after just breaking down and telling the five people closest to her about her bulimia.
The auburn-haired Chipette sat in the backseat of the BMW. She was wedged right in the middle between Jeanette and Eleanor. At one point, Eleanor had swung a protective arm around her eldest sister. This caused Brittany to instinctively rest her head on her baby sister's shoulder. Eleanor responded by stroking Brittany's hair and gently rubbing her shoulders.
Jeanette looked on as she studied her older and younger sister. She quickly gave Brittany a small pat on the back herself, just to let her know she was there for her as well. But then she turned her attention away as she sighed and looked out the window with a frown.
Jeanette kept replaying Brittany's confession in her head over and over. As well as the other subtle clues she had missed for the past few months, such as Brittany always excusing herself after meals or her extra-long showers and baths. And most recently, the discovery of all those candy wrappers she had hidden all over her bed.
Brittany might have gotten through the hardest part, which was admitting she has a problem. She had even stated she needed help. But Jeanette knew exactly how stubborn Brittany was. Even if their big sister agreed to see a therapist, was it going to be enough? The more Jeanette thought about it, the more she felt Simon's recommendation of inpatient therapy might have been their best option.
As Alvin dropped the Miller sisters off at their home right next door to the one he shared with his brothers, Eleanor helped Brittany out of the car while Jeanette carried Brittany's pink Cheer duffel for her. The girls all bid their quiet thank yous to Alvin and goodbyes to all of the boys as they walked into their home. Somehow, the three sisters knew they were all in for a very long night.
Later that Monday evening, the Chipettes were all back in the house that once belonged to their late adoptive mother. In fact, they all still considered it to be Miss Miller's home, even with her gone. Her presence was literally everywhere, after all.
As Eleanor made dinner in the kitchen, Brittany was laying on the living room couch as Jeanette sat in the armchair that was next to it. The tv was on some random station playing a rerun of a sitcom Jeanette had settled on after Brittany had insisted for the millionth time that she really didn't care what they watched tonight. And she meant it too.
However, Jeanette had a hard time believing that. The blue-eyed Chipette normally insisted they all watched whatever she wanted, which would often lead to conflicts between her and Eleanor. Jeanette was usually content to watch whatever the person she was with wanted to watch, though. Just as long as it wasn't horror or really gory. Basically, the kind of stuff Alvin liked to watch.
The truth was, Brittany was a little bit sick of television right now. While she had been living in the treehouse over the weekend, it felt like she had done nothing but watch tv while lying on the couch. And while some of it was a nice temporary escape that would help distract her for a bit, many shows, movies, and commercials would only make her think about her problems all over again. Whether it was something that reminded her of the better times in her life, commercials for or mentions of food, or looking at how thin all those actresses she admired were. It almost felt like another trigger for her.
Soon enough, it was dinner time. Eleanor decided to make something simple tonight, hoping it would make being back home a little easier for Brittany. As soon as the two older Chipettes walked into the room and took their seats, Eleanor placed two light blue ceramic bowls of soup down on the table. She made cream of broccoli soup. Something a little healthier that she was hoping Brittany would be more likely to keep down. There was also salad and a pot full of spaghetti, but she wanted to see how Brittany did with the soup first.
While Jeanette started lifting her spoon and taking sips of her soup right away, Brittany just sat there and stirred the creamy liquid with her spoon. At times, she would lift the silver spoon up and blow on the soup she scooped up with it, only to set it back down in the bowl. She eventually took one small sip, but that was it for the whole night.
The problem was, Brittany knew she was not going to be able to fight off the urge to purge after eating the soup. Even if it was only a few sips. Not after the kind of day she had today. The past few days, really. She was just under way too much stress to try to get better in this moment. She would try another day.
Plus, being back in Miss Miller's house was not helping anything at all. And eating soup. This reminded her of the time back in fourth grade when Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor were all bedridden with the flu for a week. Miss Miller spent that whole week serving them different kinds of soups with crackers on the side and some orange juice. Although that was mostly chicken noodle and vegetable beef soup since their doctor had told their mother to make sure the broth was clear, a bowl of soup still tapped into that memory for her. Their adoptive mom even sprang for Chinese food one night and got them wonton soup.
Brittany would also glance over at the empty chair to her right at the table every now and then. The chair Miss Miller should have been sitting in. Brittany remembered how she would often skip out on some family meals the last few months of Miss Miller's life. Whether it was due to staying late at cheer, choir, or play practice, going on a date with Alvin, or going to hang out with one of her "friends", she knew she wasn't spending as much time with her mother as she should have been. This was something she seriously regretted now that Miss Miller was gone.
After what felt like several hours, Brittany suddenly looked up and noticed that her younger sisters both had their eyes on her. Seemingly eyeing her up and down. She also noticed that both sets of eyes appeared to be frequently traveling over to her hand, the bowl, and the spoon. As if each of them were waiting to see if Brittany was going to eat any of it.
This was enough to cause the oldest girl to snap. Brittany dropped the spoon she was once again holding up to blow on, causing some of the soup to splatter onto the table with a loud banging sound. This startled both of her sisters. And they only became even more alarmed as Brittany let out a loud growl in frustration.
"Do you seriously think staring at me like I'm some kind of freak show is helping anything?" She yelled with a scowl on her face as she punched the table, causing even more soup to spill from the bowl.
"Sorry, Brittany." Jeanette whispered sheepishly as she tore her gaze away from her big sister and looked down at her own soup bowl (which unlike Brittany's, was now empty).
"We just-" Eleanor started out until she was cut off.
"Well, you're not helping, ok? Like, at all. You're just making everything worse!"
There were several minutes of silence before the girl in pink spoke up again.
"Look," She said a little softer this time. "I'm just... I'm waiting for it to cool off before I eat it. Ok? I'm sure it'll be ready soon."
Jeanette and Eleanor shared knowing looks with each other. The fact of the matter was, the soup was cool enough the moment it was served. Eleanor had deliberately let the bowls cool off on the counter for several minutes before she called her sisters in for dinner. Hell, it was probably ice cold by now. But they knew telling Brittany that would do no good. And neither of them wanted to risk upsetting her even more than she already was tonight.
After another couple of minutes, the ponytailed teenager picked up her spoon once again. She stalled by blowing on it for about the millionth time that night. Finally, Brittany brought the spoonful of soup right up to her lip. She could literally feel the cold metal from the spoon pressed against her lower lip, while the now cool creamed broth touched her upper lip.
She tried very hard to will herself to open her mouth and eat some more. However, it was no use. She knew exactly what was going to happen if she ate even half that bowl of soup. Or less than that, honestly.
This caused the pink-clad Chipette's lips to quiver and her hands to tremble, causing her to drop the spoon back into the bowl. It landed with a thud and splashed more drops of soup onto the table. Immediately following this, Brittany buried her face into her hands and broke down into sobs.
"I.. I can't!" She said with a sniffle as she wiped her eyes with her pink sleeves.
"It's not that I don't want to." Brittany continued to explain. "I just can't. I... I'm having... urges..."
In one swift motion, Eleanor rose up from her chair to the left, causing a scraping sound against the blue and white tiles as she did so. She rushed over to Brittany's side. The youngest Miller then bent down slightly and pulled her oldest sister in for a big, tight hug.
"Hey, it's gonna be ok." The green-clad girl whispered into the ear of the Chipette in the chair. "We got you."
As much as Jeanette wanted to join in the hug, she felt she had to do something proactive this time. Normally, she wasn't the type who liked taking charge. She preferred to let her sisters do that. But this was different. She couldn't simply sit back and wait it out this time.
While Eleanor was busy consoling Brittany, Jeanette urgently raced upstairs to the bedroom she shared with Eleanor. While she briefly stumbled going up the steps, she caught herself before she actually fell, much to her relief. Not much longer after going into her room, she carefully made her way back down the stairs with her purple messenger bag.
Eleanor was still attempting to coax Brittany into having more soup. It wasn't working, though. And the older teenage girl was now visibly shaking. Watching this was breaking Jeanette's heart into a million pieces.
The middle Chipette walked over and approached her sisters, clearing her throat as she did so. When they both looked up at their middle sister, Jeanette took that moment to lift the flap of her messenger bag and pull out a sheet of paper. She handed it to Brittany, who hesitantly accepted it. Though the latter had no idea why she was agreeing to even take it.
"What's this?" Brittany skeptically asked as she stared into her bespectacled sister's eyes, not even bothering to look at the piece of paper at all.
"It's a list Simon and I put together at the library over the weekend." Jeanette answered as she set the purple bag down into the chair directly across from Brittany she was sitting in before. "We looked up private psychologists who specialize in eating disorders, outpatient facilities that have support groups, and..."
Jeanette exhaled deeply and pushed her purple glasses up her nose. She knew Brittany was not going to like what she had to say next. However, she couldn't put it off forever. Her sisters were both waiting on her, staring with their curious eyes.
"Inpatient centers." Jeanette said at last as she nervously twiddled the fingers.
"Inpatient?" Brittany's voice shot up several octaves. "You mean like... they can just keep me there?"
Now Jeanette was the one who was shaking, knowing she was very likely about to endure Brittany's wrath.
"That's your solution?" The oldest girl's voice had now escalated to shouting. "To send me away to some crazy house?"
"They're not crazy houses, Brittany." Jeanette responded calmly, yet defensively. "These are treatment facilities specifically designed to help people with eating disorders. Look, one of them is even affiliated with County Hospital..."
Jeanette attempted to point it out to Brittany on the list, but her auburn-haired sister quickly pulled it away from her. Hell, she had half a mind to tear the damn thing up. The nerve of Jeanette! How could she even think about sending her to stay at a place like that? Probably the same type of facility Muffy's cousin had died in.
Eleanor continued to stroke Brittany's back in an attempt to calm her down.
"Shh..." The blonde gently hushed shushed the auburn-haired girl a few times.
"God, after everything I've done for you guys..." Brittany's voice broke as she was practically on the verge of tears again.
"I'm not trying to send you away." Jeanette said in a defeated tone, ready to cry herself. "I'm trying to bring you back to us."
Eleanor smoothed out Brittany's ponytail that was already coming undone. Brittany was now shivering. Despite the thick sweatshirt she was wearing, it felt as if someone had turned the thermostat all the way down in their house.
"I'll talk to her." The younger girl whispered into the older teen's ear again.
Eleanor then looked directly into her other older sister's eyes with a small frown. While she knew Jeanette had good intentions, she herself was not so sure sending Brittany away like that was such a good idea. And expecting Brittany to react well at the mere consideration of that was downright unrealistic.
"Is that really necessary?" The blonde Chipette pleaded with the green-eyed teenage girl. "I mean, she needs us right now. More than she ever has before. We just got her back home from the treehouse. Are you sure it would be a good idea to send her away to a place that's totally unfamiliar to her?"
"Well..." Jeanette hesitated for a while as she stared down at the floor before she finally gave in. "Maybe not. Maybe if she starts to show progress while she stays with us... we won't have to do that."
"Hi! Still sitting right here, you know!" Brittany yelled out as she waved, annoyed that she was being talked about as if she were out of the room.
"Look, Brittany," Jeanette said gently as she turned her attention back to the older girl and respected her desire to be addressed directly. "If you don't want to go to an inpatient center, you have to agree you'll still talk to a professional. That is absolutely a must. You can try one of the outpatient places or even one of the therapists on the list. But please, just promise me you're going to get real professional help. You yourself even admitted you need help. So will you please do at least that much?"
"Ok, fine." Brittany grumbled.
She then held out the list in front of her and placed her finger on the random spot in the middle. She read off the name she landed on.
"Dr. Kimberly Schulman... I'll call her first thing in the morning. Ok? Happy now?" The pink-clad teenager irritably stated.
Jeanette and Eleanor each nodded their heads. Of course, they had both wished it was easier to get Brittany to accept help. But for now, this would have to do. They were just going to have to trust Brittany to do the right thing this time. After all, she was the one who said she didn't want to live like this anymore.
Later that night, Brittany failed to get to sleep. She spent many hours tossing and turning between the pink sheets of her bed. She tried reading her fashion magazines. But like tv, she was bored with these magazines as she had literally read them all about a million times recently. And again, the images of all the thin and gorgeous models and celebrities in there had proven to be triggering for her.
At one point, she glanced over at the alarm on her nightstand. According to the glowing red numbers, it was a little after one o'clock in the morning. And it was fairly quiet, so she knew there was a good chance her sisters were probably asleep.
She got up from her bed, walked over to the door of her room, and snatched her pink purse off the floor. She grabbed a Hershey's chocolate bar out of her bag that she had been saving for later. Brittany opened the familiar brown wrapper up, tossed it onto the floor, and practically inhaled it. The teenage Chipette knew she'd have to somehow get the wrapper out of the house before her sisters could see it.
She was already planning her trip to the bathroom and how she would run the water as soon as she got in there. She just prayed that neither of her sisters would wake up and catch her in the act. Otherwise, she was going to have a difficult time convincing them she didn't need to be locked up in some insane asylum.
Sure enough, Brittany ended up sleeping in that morning. It was almost eleven thirty and she knew Eleanor would have already served breakfast. But when she got downstairs, the kitchen was empty. That was strange. Where did her sisters go?
As soon as the Chipette got to the kitchen, she noticed a note taped to the refrigerator door. When she walked over to read it, she immediately recognized Eleanor's handwriting. She wrote that she just had to make a quick trip to the food store to pick up some stuff they were out of and wouldn't be gone for long. She suggested that Brittany wait until she got home to eat the breakfast she missed out on this morning so that Eleanor could heat it up for her and they would be able to sit at the table together.
"Screw that!" Brittany muttered to herself as she prepared to open the refrigerator and see what Eleanor had made for breakfast.
But as her hand hovered inches away from the black refrigerator handle, her muscles tensed up as she froze in place and then frowned. She immediately remembered the promise she had made to Jeanette last night, and it was currently echoing in her mind at this time. The promise that she would give Dr. What's-her-name a call and set up an appointment.
While part of Brittany really didn't want to commit to this, she also knew Jeanette was right. She wanted to get better. She really did. And if this shrink lady could help her with that, maybe this was worth a shot.
Brittany scanned the room to see where the list could have gone to. Sure enough, it was resting in the very same spot she had left it the night before. On the table in front of the chair she had been sitting in at dinner.
Brittany slowly made her way over there and grabbed the piece of paper. She even discovered that someone had circled the name she had randomly picked out last night with a black pen. Probably Jeanette. Where was she anyway? Was she out too, or just quietly studying upstairs?
Brittany then walked over to the blue landline phone that had been hanging from the kitchen wall since the day she and her sisters had moved in with Miss Miller. She shivered a little more as she felt the cool linoleum of the tiles against her bare feet. She read the number off to herself and dialed it. The phone rang about five times before she was greeted by a recorded message.
"Hi, you've reached Dr. Kimberly Schulman. I'm currently unavailable to take your call. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone. I will get back to you as soon as I can. If this is an emergency, please dial 911. Thank you."
The recorded voice of the woman she had just heard sounded warm and kind. Basically exactly how you would want a therapist to sound. It should have been encouraging for Brittany to want to meet with her. However, this did nothing to ease the Chipette's anxiety.
If anything, she sounded too good to be true to Brittany. Each carefully worded sentence set off the red flags in her mind. She was actually doubting this woman's sincerity and wondering if she could seriously even get everything she had been through in her sixteen years of life. Not just the eating disorder.
Dr. Schulman had also sounded fairly young. Maybe somewhere in her early to mid-twenties. Was she fresh out of school? Like the skepticism she once felt towards Kristina, Brittany had also found herself wondering how qualified this therapist could be if she was that young. But then again, she could have simply been one of those people who just sounded a lot younger than she actually was. With Brittany being a chipmunk, she was no stranger to having people misjudge her by the sound of her voice.
As soon as she heard the beep inviting her to leave a message, Brittany opened up her mouth to speak. However, no words would come out. As much as she wanted to talk, she just couldn't. It was as if her voice had literally been stolen from her. The phone receiver also felt extremely heavy now. As if it had suddenly morphed into an anvil.
The teenage girl then abruptly slammed the phone back onto its receiver. For whatever reason, she just wasn't ready to leave a message. Unable to tell her struggles to yet another person. She was sure it would have been easier if the doctor had actually answered. Right?
This was what she told herself, at least. Maybe she would try again later today. Or tomorrow. Yeah, that sounded good. Just like the song she would lead her sisters into singing in that horrible orphanage in Australia. Tomorrow was just a day away.
The teenager stayed planted in that very same spot for at least a good five minutes (if she had to take a guess). She gazed up at the old landline phone, memories of spending hours talking to all of her old friends on it. Whether it was gossip, coordinating their outfits, plans for new cheerleading routines, or simply planning their next hangout, Brittany never ceased to tie up the phone line for hours on end.
This was met with much annoyance from Eleanor and Jeanette whenever they needed to use the phone. Or if they were waiting on important phone calls and Brittany refused to end her conversations to pick up on the beeps. Even Miss Miller needed to sometimes gently tell her eldest daughter she needed to get off the phone so that other people in the house could use it.
Miss Miller... she was thinking about her again. She was in her kitchen. Just used her telephone. She and her sisters owed everything to Miss Miller, honestly. And Brittany felt she never had a chance to truly thank her for everything she had done for them.
She regretted every fight. Every chance she had to spend time with her that she had bailed on to do something else. Things that seemed so trivial now. Plans with friends and a boyfriend who didn't even stick around (even if she was trying to patch things up with Alvin now, he was still with Lindsay).
These thoughts became too much for the teen Chipette to bear. She walked over to the familiar appliance that was full of food. No doubt leftovers from this morning's breakfast she had missed out on and last night's dinner she had failed to eat were stored in there. Just waiting to be devoured. Of course, they were not intended for Brittany to consume them the way she was about to, though.
"Here I go again." She sarcastically thought to herself as she rolled her eyes.
But at the same time, a single tear slid down from one of the eyes she had just rolled. Was Jeanette right? Did she really need to be locked up?
This was all going to be taking over her mind during her next session of binging and purging. If she didn't get caught by Jeanette, that was. Or by Eleanor arriving home any minute.
A/N: Ok, I know this chapter was shorter than mine usually are. And while I would've loved to have given you a longer chapter, this month has been super hectic for me and I've had so much to catch up on. Plus, I'm going to be busy for the rest of the day today and I don't know when the next chance I'll have to work on this story will be (especially with a teething toddler who's also super active lately). So I decided to just post what I've written so far so I can stick to my end of the month update schedule.
Hopefully, you guys still enjoyed this chapter. And next month, I hope to finally reveal what Brittany will do as far as treatment goes! So Jeanette and Eleanor had trusted her to call the psychologist on her own. But as we saw, that did not go as planned.
So will they catch her in the middle of binging here? And if so, is Jeanette going to have to finally put her foot down and insist Brittany go to an inpatient facility? What about Eleanor? Looking forward to hearing what you think will happen next!
As always, thank you for all the reviews, PMs, favorites, and follows on my fic! You guys motivate me to keep going, no matter how hectic my personal life gets. This story wouldn't have even gotten this far without you all. So thank you from the bottom of my heart! And don't worry, I will see the whole story through.
Until next time!