Happy Chapter 30!

Chapter XXX

I took my time walking upstream towards the Domain. I had decided to wear the scarf I'd bought in Goron City– it was a bit chilly for springtime. The Octoroks were no problem– practically beneath my notice until one of them managed to fire a projectile directly into my knee. My vengeance was swift and exact. I navigated the zigzagging path, hopping from one misshapen snakelike trail to another misshapen snakelike trail. At the zenith was a plaque on the floor with the emblem of the Triforce on it. I dug through my pouch for my ocarina and put it to my lips. I hadn't actually played my ocarina in a while, now that I thought about it. I'd been rather busy with farm work and making time to meet up with the other Sages. I played Zelda's Lullaby instead, biting back noxious memories of an older Zelda, my Zelda, sending me backwards and sideways through time and space to the very point where I lost everything.

The memory washed through me and out of me like water over rocks. It had little sway over who I was anymore. I wasn't just the Hero of Time, the Hero of Termina, or the Champion of Katáktisi. I was Link Harkinian first and foremost. I always had been and I always would be. Why was that so difficult to accept?

The waterfall split, revealing the entrance to the Domain carved into the smoothed rock behind the rushing water. I leapt over the small chasm into the entryway before marching deeper into the cave system.

The Domain was calm, pristine, and almost ethereal. The Zora inhabitants were going about their business as usual. I idly wondered to myself exactly why I never seemed to see Zora outside Lake Hylia, the Domain, and of course, Great Bay. I got why other races weren't in here– the waterfall was pretty tough to get past– but that didn't excuse the other locations. I guess I wasn't really in a position to complain. It just meant there were fewer people to deal with. Even still, the Stone Mask was probably prudent. Normally I wouldn't bother, but I didn't want to have to deal with King Zora XIV taking forever to slowly shimmy over from his seat at the throne. It wasn't like it was an hour-long ordeal, but it was just inconvenient.

I walked along the stone path protruding from the wall, ascending the long rock staircase leading towards King Zora's throne room. My feet locked in place at the top of the slope leading beyond. I wanted to turn back, go about my business, heed the foreboding aura that coiled itself around my mind with every centimeter I moved forward. I breathed in. I breathed out.

I kept moving.

It was a difficult task to squeeze between the gate to Jabu-Jabu's pool and King Zora's rotund middle, but my scrawny form managed to slip through even despite my height. I had never been particularly broad, but I was built like a wire and had all the strength of one. The deity's pool was expansive enough for the giant fish and then some. The mere aroma of its breath was enough to make my stomach do a somersault. The worst part was that this was nothing compared to the stench of its insides, and that I knew from experience. I removed the Stone Mask from its place on my face and waded through the ankle-deep waters just afore the dais. Ruto hadn't been in the throne room with her father, so she must have been here… right?

"You're a horrible man for keeping your knowledge from me, you know that? A horrible man with a horrible sense of style, too! Light blue is not your color."

"Yeah, I'm just the worst," I replied curtly. "How've you been, Princess Paperweight?"

A playful punch to my arm was her initial response. "Oh, shut up, you. I could've made you carry me the second time through as well!"

She wasn't wrong. The exact point that Zelda had sent me back in time was to the moment just after I had technically first met her, and the moment where she had first met me in all senses. That came with the unfortunate side effect of renewing the problems of the Gorons and Zoras that I had solved before, forcing me to once again dungeon-crawl through Dodongo's Cavern and the stomach of the whale god. It had been difficult, seeing Darunia and Ruto again and having to feign ignorance. None of us knew that the other knew too.

"I honestly would have walked out if you had done that," I laughed. She joined in for a moment, and all that was left was a comfortable silence permeating the night air. She looked… well. Dignified and regal. All she was missing in order to look identical to her past and future self was those purple diamond earrings, as well as the obvious extra height. But at the same time, there was something… different. She looked harder, in a sense. More weathered and serious. I supposed having to grow up again was just as difficult on her as it was on me. Well, that was perhaps a bit overzealous, but it was the thought that counted.

"I'm surprised you came back at all," Ruto confessed. "I thought you were looking for Navi."

"I was," I confirmed. "But my travels took me back around Hyrule and I figured I'd swing by for a visit. I already met with Darunia and Impa in the… Farore, has it really been five months that I've been here?"

"Hold a moment– five months? It took you that long to think to visit me?! You are a horrible man!"

"I didn't know you knew until Impa told me, and she only knew I knew because I was crawling through the Shadow Temple in search of Big Fairies! So excuse me, princess!"

Ruto huffed. "Oh, fine." The sun had set and night was falling swiftly, lighting up the sky with purples and oranges. "Well, I suppose I should be glad it didn't take you longer. And I can finally offload those sabatons Impa gave me to give to you!"

"Do they come with a marriage proposal?" I felt I had to ask.

"Oh, if only. You really are a handsome man, even accounting for your utter lack of style. I mean, come on– the war paint is very tacky in peacetime!" She did not just say that. I purged the memory of those words from my mind, for her own sake. "In truth, I don't think it would be prudent to pursue romance with you at present– I know you do not feel that way for me, and my feelings for you… well, they were certainly real, but they were quite spur of the moment. Simply being friends with you is plenty for me."

"I'm glad," I said after a moment's pause, quelling the roiling anger of Katáktisi stewing in the back of my mind.

"Anyways, before you depart, I must give you these! Take them respectfully!"

Ruto proffered a pair of metal boots from Goddesses knew where. They were the color of unalloyed gold but certainly much sturdier, made of the same material as the shirt and pants I'd received earlier. Those had looked more bronze to me when I had first laid eyes on them, but that might have been the lighting. I hadn't tried any of it on and wouldn't until I had the whole set– or at least as close to the whole set as I could reasonably get without having to visit Saria. It appeared that she hadn't shared what had happened that day with the other Sages, thank Farore. Regardless of their make, if it was worn by the highest-ranking Hyrulean Knights, it had to be of top quality. And if it was anything like the Hylian Shield, top quality defensive gear made in Hyrule was obscenely effective. Fodra-borne shields and armor had absolutely nothing on it.

'With the three Spiritual Stones in hand,' I wrote in the final hours of sunlight, 'the boy and his fairy marched on Castle Town. All that was left to do was to present the fruits of his labors to the Princess Zelda. Then, his quest would be at its end.

'The astute reader', I continued, breaking the fourth wall, 'will note the remaining length of this collection.' That felt like a good enough hint. I already had plenty of ideas for after the Master Sword was pulled. Actually, now that I was fifteen, I could draw the sacred blade once again without too much time in the Sacred Realm… actually, maybe not. I didn't think that would help with my dysphoria in the end; these changes had to be natural. However long 'natural' was supposed to be.

'It was midnight when he arrived, but the great drawbridge that separated Castle Town from Hyrule Field had been lowered. Was he expected? Why, here Zelda and Impa were now, galloping across the bridge on a white horse!

'They sprinted past the young hero, nearly trampling him underhoof. The boy was confused; they had not even slowed down! Were they here to meet him, they would have at least looked at him… something awful was afoot.'

Writing was always more difficult than I expected it to be. I could feel my prose evolving as time went on, my authorial voice becoming more defined. But every last word was still certainly a struggle; I think I had more writing crossed out than not. Sure, I could buy more paper, but that wasn't exactly economically viable in the long term. If only there was an easier way to do this, or some way to erase… but no such thing existed. Just like in real life.

Well, aside from the Ocarina of Time. And Professor Byleth. Judging by the fact that there hadn't been a Divine Pulse after the Battle of Garreg Mach, I could only assume she was just as dead as Dimitri. As far as I was aware, she couldn't reset postmortem, and I couldn't definitively say whether or not I had killed her in the Sealed Forest, at Solon's behest, in the body of a god.

'She threw something behind her. In the darkness, the youth couldn't tell exactly what, only that it had landed somewhere in the moat. There was silence, not a soul in sight except for him and his fairy.

'Then, the snort of a horse. The Kokiri whirled to see a great black steed, coated from mane to hoof in silver plate, and atop it was seated the King of Thieves, his thin armor stained crimson. His yellowed eyes were almost glowing in the dark with hatred and malice. "Argh, I lost her!" he cried. His eyes turned to–' I almost wrote 'to me'. I caught myself. Didn't want another Ashe situation. 'His eyes turned to the only other living creature in the vicinity. '"You! Over there! Little kid! You must have seen the white horse gallop past right now… which way did it go?" The so-called little kid remained quiet, fear and panic coursing through his every vein. But he remembered the words of the princess, and did not say a word. "Answer me!" The youth took a step backwards, then another. Ganondorf's mere presence was all-encompassing, his pressure insurmountable, but some nascent courage stowed his fear. With the embers of resolve blazing anew, he drew his short blade.

'"So, you think you can protect them from me…" the King of Thieves surmised, a low and hate-filled cackle hurtling from his maw. "You've got guts, kid. You want a piece of me? Very funny! I like your attitude!"' Was that what he had said, or was I making things up? Eh, I was already making up a fair amount of the smaller details– had to sell the fairytale vibe. But the broad strokes were close to the truth, and something like this felt critical to get right.

'He outstretched his gauntleted hand, green-tinged skin obscured by the darkness, and a newborn star of black magic formed between his fingers. With nary a thought, the child was thrown backwards ten meters or more, flung through the mud by the man's sheer strength. "Pathetic little fool!" he snarled, his lips stretched into a jeering grin. "Don't you realize who you are dealing with? I am Ganondorf! And soon, I shall rule the world!"

'The murderer turned away, bade his horse to ride in pursuit of the princess, and disappeared into the gloom. The boy got to his feet, staring at the point where his foe had gone. He could not fight that man, that much he knew. But nonetheless, he would do as Princess Zelda had asked. He would thwart his plans. He would take the Triforce first.'

I was about to keep going, but I was interrupted by Malon knocking on my door. "Fairy Man, can I get your help with something? Right now?"

I turned in my chair. "Sure, what is it?"

"I'll explain on the way over. It's Spray."

That was concerning. Spray was one of the older horses at Lon Lon Ranch, and she'd certainly been putting on a lot of pounds recently. For whatever reason, I was the only one who thought it was weird and wasn't actively enabling the weight gain. Was there a health concern? What could have possibly happened? I couldn't help but feel a little vindicated for a moment. Still, that wasn't any reason to not be worried for the worst. Was it an emergency?

The answer to the last question, at least, was yes. Or no, depending on who was answering. Malon, Talon, and Ingo probably would have said otherwise. They had all probably had to deal with this somewhat regularly, given their line of work.

They were insane.

That experience was… harrowing. I didn't even want to think about it. It wasn't as though I had run away in disgust– I had done whatever the ranchers had asked me without protest. Sure, all the blood had left my face and I was probably as pale as Flayn when we'd taken her out of Abyss, but I had stuck through the delivery. No wonder Malon's mom had died, if delivering a child meant… that.

The Kokiri lied to me, I complained to Katáktisi, knowing full well that it couldn't answer. They lied! I can't believe this! This is ridiculous! It's unfair!

The Crestwraith sent me an overwhelming feeling of exasperation. It was not helping.

It wasn't as bad as the Dead Hand, probably. It wasn't something that was going to stick with me as a formative memory. But still… that was not a memory of home that I was intent on reliving anytime soon. Or ever, really.

The foal, at least, was healthy for a newborn. Spray was also doing alright after the birth. Malon had offered to let me name him, but I had declined. I probably would have named it something stupid, like Mido or Grog or Know-It-All Brother Number One. I wasn't very creative when it came to being put on the spot like this.

She named the poor thing Dreamstorm. I regretted not naming it Kafei.

"You doing okay in there, Link?" Ingo asked from the other side of the door. I had retreated to my bedroom to mentally decompress after experiencing my last vestiges of innocence fade away. Well, not all of it– I still wasn't entirely sure on how exactly the foal got in there in the first place. I would probably have to deal with that eventually– I figured men couldn't, because of physical differences in the body, but it was probably something I should be aware of just in case. Knowledge was power, and power was victory, after all.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," I replied. "It's just–"

"Mind if I step inside?"

I let the door open for the rancher. He closed it gently behind him, idly scratching at his mustache. "I don't know what Mal was thinking, draggin' you into this. The extra pair of hands was nice, I suppose, but I imagine it woulda gone smoothly regardless. And you look spooked worse than a Poe's reflection out there."

"It's really alright," I hastily assured. "I'm glad to have helped. I… I've never seen anything remotely like that before, and…" I shuddered.

"Nobody's thinking any less of ya 'cause of that display. Most would have reacted better, sure, but you could've done a helluva lot worse. All's well that ends well, I suppose."

Ingo was probably right. "I never imagined it would be anything like that. When I lived with the Kokiri, they only ever told me that kids grew on trees, so…" Great, now I was blushing in pure embarrassment. That was a great look for me, red cheeks under red marks.

The ranch hand was silent for a moment. "Ah, hell. That explains a lot. I can see how summat like that could be traumatizing. Tell you what– you tell me if you need anything, and I'll do it for ya. Big or small. Y'hear?"

There was… one thing that came to mind. "Small, I should hope. I presume Hylians procreate the same way that horses do, right?"

Ingo shrugged. "Pretty much." He was silent for a second, before his eyes narrowed below his bushy brows. "Where are you going with–"

"So… how does the foal get…" I listlessly put my right hand over the lower hem of my shirt. "Inside the horse?" As I felt my palms drench themselves in sweat, I asked myself, not for the first time in this long adventure, what the hell was I doing?

Ingo stared at me incredulously. "You don't–" His expression changed to something that screamed Din, Nayru, and Farore, we're actually doing this right now. "No, I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't know. Hylia above, I figured… I mean, Talon told Malon nearly four years ago now… Ah, hell. Sit down, and I'll explain everything."

I listened as he spoke, not bothering to take notes because that would probably be weird. Some of the things he said made other things make more sense, like the metamorphosis from my previous body to this one. I didn't really get wanting to do… the things Ingo was describing, through. All that effort and pain just to be ready to start the process all over again? No thank you. Maybe it was different when it was with someone you loved. No wonder Sylvain and Dorothea were the way they were, if so. I hadn't felt anything like that, as far as I knew, so I couldn't be sure. I'd felt love, of course, but never more than in the very close friend kind of way. That was fine by me. That was all I wanted right now, and I could always pursue romantic options in the future if I changed my mind.

Ingo had the good foresight to keep his explanation clinical, so it wasn't as bad as it definitely could have been. I thanked him for his time, and after he left I drew the shade to keep the sun out as it began to filter into the room. It was already summer, and I didn't want to make the house hotter than it already was.

The hunt for Caiaphas would have to begin soon, once again. There was no doubt in my mind. On the fall equinox, I decided, I would leave Hyrule. My equipment was already meticulously restocked, and my weapons were in peak quality. There were only a couple of things left that I wanted to do before I left. I had to grab the remains of the armor from Nabooru and Saria, preferably without actually visiting the latter. Furthermore, Malon and I were currently headed out on a milk run to Castle Town, so I was planning to swing by the bazaar to buy a new Hylian Shield using that discount from the guard at Death Mountain. I was absentmindedly continuing my story as the cart full of fresh milk trundled along– I had just reached my Goron namesake and was about to plummet into the Fire Temple.

"Whatcha writin', Fairy Man?" Malon asked.

"A friend of mine writes bedtime fables back in Fodra for a living," I explained, perhaps a bit more defensively than what was necessary. "I'm on commission. They use little gold coins over there as currency instead of Rupees, so I need the cash." That was a lie considering how agog people tended to go whenever they saw a Rupee in Fodra. The truth was that through these writings, I could recapture what I once enjoyed so mindlessly– talking about my past with Ashe, although he didn't know it at the time. With that door closed forevermore, this was the next best thing.

"Oh. Well, that's nice. You'll have to send us a copy next time you come back."

Next time… why didn't that idea hurt as much as it used to?

We trundled over the drawbridge and into the central square. It was just as busy and chaotic as I remembered– kids playing in the streets, people haggling over prices of goods in a great roaring cacophony– it really wasn't so different from the Fhirdiad central market. Except smaller. If I had to estimate, it was about four times the size of Remire, with the architecture and structure of Enbarr minus the mountains of corruption.

Maybe I should visit Zelda while I was here. Almost immediately, I shot that idea down. She was a woman of fifteen years on top of being a princess. She had better, more important things to do than entertain me. If she even remembered me to begin with, of course; it had been nearly four years since last we spoke, and even then it was only to return the Ocarina of Time. Impa had said she wouldn't force me to see her again, and Impa was nothing if not a Sheikah of her word. I just… wasn't ready to look her in the eyes, expecting and hoping to see red irises.

I helped Malon get set up with the booth, and soon enough business was booming. After reminding myself not to sample the wares, I excused myself to stretch my legs. It was a nice day– cool for summer, with a pleasant wind and only a couple of small clouds in the blue sky. I wandered around the central plaza, people-watching by the fountain for a while, before turning my attention to the task at hand. I kept my ears craned.

"I heard they were finally going through with Ganondorf's judgement," someone was gossiping.

"Oh yeah?"

"They sentenced him to death for sedition against the crown! Apparently they're out constructing some gladiator arena called the Arbiter's Grounds for it out in the Gerudo Desert."

"Are the Gerudo not up in arms about this?"

"They almost were! They see Ganondorf as a god, y'know! And to this day, they're still not happy about the whole thing!"

The Arbiter's Grounds… That sounded vaguely ominous, like I should know what it was and feel dread because of it. Most curious. I shook the thought out of my mind for now. I could ask Nabooru about it in more detail when I visited her out at the Desert Colossus. At present, I had more pressing matters to attend to.

I strolled into the bazaar. It was pretty busy, which was normal considering the time of day. There were people from all walks of life hustling and bustling, Gorons and Zora and Hylians and normal humans and also Anna was there. She'd obviously been doing pretty well for herself in the last half-year or so, judging by the fact that she was currently making sale after sale after sale. It would have been Flayn's birthday back in Fodra today, now that I thought about it. Somewhere around there.

I made my way to the counter and was appraised by the large shopkeeper. "Good day, young man! What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping to purchase a Hylian Shield. Heard they were the best defense money could buy," I explained.

The large man grimaced, folding his arms over his expansive chest. "Sorry, sir. We're fresh out of stock. That redhead over there keeps gobbling them up." He tilted his head over towards the Fodraite. "Wonder what she could possibly need with so many shields…"

"Kind of weird that you're both so close to each other. I mean, it's more competition."

"Where else is there to go? If either of us move, the other gets more profit." Hadn't thought about that. "Anyways, is there anything else you'd be interested in? We've got the finest bombs short of Death Mountain itself, and–"

"Paper."

"What?"

"I'm doing freelance writing in my off time and I'm running short."

The bazaar owner tilted his lips pensively. "One Rupee per page?"

"Two pages."

"Deal." I slid a Huge Rupee over the counter. It had been sitting in my pouch since finally lifting the curse from the obscenely rich man in Kakariko, which I had gone ahead and done last time I was here. I'd needed something to keep my mind off of Termina, and wandering around squishing spiders felt as good a usage of my time as anything else.

"Alright, sir. Let me get your order and I'll be right back." He turned from the counter and entered a back room.

Time to answer his question. I departed for the other side of the smaller square and marched up to Anna's shop.

"I'm really mad at you," she said, a cross expression appearing on her face as soon as she noticed me.

"That's a funny way of saying hello," I answered.

"I'm being serious! Paying for a Vouge with the gem equivalent of fool's gold!" she grumbled. "There's no backing in this economy! These 'rupees' things can be found everywhere! Under rocks, on trees, in the damned grasses? And don't even get me started on the prices! I mean, seriously– a bottle of fish costs more than one of these expertly made kite shields!"

That… was kind of weird, now that I thought of it. With a Hylian Shield costing eighty Rupees and a bottle of fish costing three hundred…

"Well, at least there's profit to be made," Anna admitted. "Think of how much gold these bad boys will go for back in Fódlan!" War profiteering. I don't know what I was expecting.

"Well, enjoy it while it lasts," I said. "I'm making the executive decision that you are not coming back. Ever."

"Aw, c'mon," she pouted. "Eh, it's probably for the best. Artificial scarcity, y'know? Anyways, I'll be ready to leave whenever you are. Although I did sign that exclusivity deal with the King of Hyrule for new equipment for their army, and that expires in the Horsebow Moon, so…"

"I can wait that long. Be ready to go by… Leicester Alliance Founding Day. The eighth."

"Aye aye!"

That was quite enough of that. Thinking about it, I'd spent a fairly long time idly shopping– not that 'idly' was an adjective I could use to describe myself often. I let my feet carry me through the loud and boisterous streets, the discordant cacophony working beautifully and failing miserably all at the same time. It was just like it had been all that time ago, when I had first set foot in Castle Town, fresh out of Kokiri Forest. Back then, this city had felt so much… bigger than it actually was. Now that I had frames of reference in Fhirdiad and Enbarr… well, Castle Town was certainly a respectable size and had its own charm, but its population was a fair bit smaller. But there was a lot about Castle Town that Fodra simply couldn't match– the structure of it was completely different! The bazaars were clustered and spilling out onto the streets in a way that Adrestia or Faerghus would abhor, and dare I say the vibes were immaculate, even discarding the boarded up Happy Mask Shop that really should have been demolished after Caiaphas left.

Except it wasn't boarded up. And the door was open. Like it was available for business. What in Farore's name…

Half expecting to have to whip out my weapons at a moment's notice, I gingerly stepped into the satin-soaked shop. To my immediate and overpowering relief, Caiaphas himself wasn't sitting on the other side of the counter, smiling without a care in the world. Instead, the place seemed to be run by… someone wearing the merchandise. Obviously I couldn't get a good look at their face, but I could tell from their build and the rather sleek Zora head that this establishment was certainly under new management. The old Happy Mask Salesman was far too much of an Agarthan supremacist to ever disguise himself as another species.

"Welcome, honored guest," the proprietor said. Their voice was gravelly and androgynous behind their oversized Keaton mask. "Have an interest in masks, do you? It does not surprise me. Little does, anymore."

"Uh huh…" I said, not surprised that the current shopowner was just as insane as the previous one. "I remember the previous Happy Mask Salesman. How'd you come into the position?"

"Ah, a question about me. Most care little of my origins. But you are not 'most', are you? No, I imagine not. How curious… My identity is of little practical significance. But when the previous trader in happiness vacated the premises six years ago, I saw an economical and spiritual niche that simply begged to be filled. And so I ascended to this position.

"So– will you be a trader in happiness, or simply a buyer?" The masked Zora asked.

"I can purchase masks here now?" I blinked. That was a lot less hassle than Caiaphas' system, although it was still present for those who wanted a more authentic experience.

"Heh heh heh… the old system is far from profitable. Too many simply took the masks for themselves, thieves of happiness. Punishment will be exacted, one day. But not you, of course. You will be spared when the end times come, yes."

"Right… well, I think I'll just be making a purchase. What do you have on offer?"

I ended up purchasing a handful of masks, some of which had magic tied to them. An orange mottled mask in the vague shape of a Keaton, which enabled me to jump at least three times higher than before. A steel helmet– not really a mask in my opinion, but if the Postman's Hat counted as a mask, I guess this did too– that was enshrouded with mottled thorns, which let my sword hover and swipe at just the effort of my thoughts. A Redead-esque mask of half-rotted wood, which transformed my voice into a scream that struck fear into the hearts of all who heard it. And most importantly, the Skull Mask, which didn't have any magic attached to it. I just wanted it. All in all, a good place to sink around 499 Rupees. Or just shy of a fish and two thirds.

One thing was for certain, though. I was not going back in there.

'The way was shut. It was made by the hands of the dead,' I scribbled. Usually I tried to keep my penmanship on some base level of legibility– which was a tall order in and of itself– but for this particular area forgoing it lended to the story's energy and mood. 'But the man who was not a man needed the eye that would see the truth, made by the man whose home stood where the well was now.

'The way that was shut was not fully closed. In its decay and its gloomy isolation, a crawlspace had formed in the stone, allowing the child that was not a child access to whatever dank, creepy space lay further within. An adult would have been too large to fit.

'When someone is an adult,' I wrote with no lack of venom, 'they are pulled, elongated beyond what is natural. When someone is a child, they are squished, contorted beyond what is natural– yet they do not realize it because they know nothing else. Much like a glove stretched by a fat hand, an adult may never return to their original state. It will always be wrong, and there will always be rot and decay festering below the surface.'

I needed to get back on track. 'The swordsman pulled himself out of the stones, his fairy companion the only source of light in the dark abyss. Already, he could hear the shrieks of Redeads and Gibdos, the flapping of Bubbles, and the gurgling of algae-coated waters flowing like sewage throughout the area. He took a step forward–

'And fell through the floor, into the darkness. The complex was flooded, not with liquid but illusions. The skittering of Skulltulas could be heard echoing throughout the caves, hungry. And if they had their way, they would feast.'

I shifted in my seat, as though the spirits languishing at the bottom of the well had come out to crawl all over me. 'The Hero of Time clambered out of the darkness, the walls slick with what he hoped was moss, eventually pulling himself up to the main level. He understood at once that this place was a sadist's paradise, filled to the brim with devices whose only purpose was pain, illusions meant to trick and trap the unawares, and fetid corpses littering the walls.

'The boy stranded in time progressed, slowly and cautiously, into the flensers' playground.' Malon had a dictionary, and I had gotten permission to borrow it. To flense was to strip skin from muscle. I felt it was adequate. 'But he knew, deep in his heart of hearts, that it would get worse. Far, far worse.'

I set my pen down for a moment, before adding five more words. I would talk about the Dead Hand at a later date. Tomorrow, maybe. 'It always does, after all.'

It wasn't prudent to reach the Desert Colossus through the Gerudo Wastes, because I had had the incredible misfortune of being born male. Aside from needing Gerudo identification to enter their fortress and not be thrown in a surprisingly easy to escape jail cell, I also couldn't access the Gremory, Pegasus Knight, or Falcon Knight certifications back in Fodra. Granted, given the fact that Byleth had said I had a weakness in flying, the first one was the only one that really impacted me in a relevant way. I had been given the opportunity to go with Cyril and Leonie on a sky survey back in 1180 as a passenger, just to experience it. Suffice to say, it had not gone well. For me. They had been fine.

After the Requiem of Spirit left my ocarina, I was immediately subjected to the brutal heat of Din's Eye. It was hanging overhead, hot and angry despite the sands on the wind. I stepped off the dais, already sweating from the temperature. I felt the sand shift beneath my boots as a trio of Leevers surfaced and wobbled in my general direction. If I kept moving, they weren't much of a problem. Even with the unstable footing, I could easily outrun them and the Guays circling overhead.

After a couple minutes' jog, I clambered up to the entrance of the Desert Colossus. The entryway proved an adequate reprieve by way of shade. I took a swig from my canteen before continuing, grateful to be out of the boiling, stinging air. I entered the Spirit Temple and was immediately smacked in the face by two flying pots. I had forgotten about those two, which was odd because they had made quite a strong first, second, and third impression on me the last times I had been here.

Something was… different. Everything was in its right place, of course. But I felt like I was being watched. Maybe it was Nabooru. I hoped it was Nabooru.

I looked around the entrance hall. Was it an entrance hall? I didn't know what else to call it, but regardless of its name Nabooru wasn't here. Either the Spirit Temple was empty, or she was further within. There was only one way forward, and it was through the massive limestone block emblazoned with the Gerudo insignia that blocked the right path– the left was obstructed by a hole I had no chance of squeezing through in my current body. And I couldn't exactly put the Master Sword back on the pedestal to become a child again, thank the goddesses.

I could, however, still change my body. Darmani had been strong enough to push around large blocks in Snowhead, so it made sense that he could do the same thing here. Sure enough, the stone yielded to my earthen hands. I hesitated before I took off the mask. Did I really want to go back to that weird in-between body, neither child nor adult? At least the Goron Mask felt like I expected it to.

I tore it from my face all the same.

There was a Beamos and a spinning spike trap in the following zone. A well-aimed bomb eradicated the first one without any issues, and the second was incredibly easy to simply avoid. None of the doors were locked, fortunately; it probably wasn't efficient when this place wasn't being used to do… whatever Kotake and Koume were doing in the future past. Why couldn't they just be old people who lived in the swamp?

I continued straight, cutting through a Like Like as it fell from the ceiling and tried to devour me. I tried to ignore the fact that the walls were whispering. Clambering up the stone onto the second story, I came to a small cubicle with four suns on the walls and natural light pouring in from a hole in the wall. It was easy enough to use my Mirror Shield to direct the sunlight towards the third sun, which quickly erupted in flame. It was the switch that caused the redwood door to unseal, allowing me to proceed.

Still got it.

The central antechamber marked the end of my little trip. Mirroring the crosslegged posture of the statue of the Goddess of Sand was the Sage of Spirit herself, in the flesh. She was seated where the chest containing the Dungeon Map had appeared long ago, or maybe it was the Compass, I don't remember. She didn't appear to have noticed me, and her eyes were closed. So, the only logical next step was to make an entrance.

If I could Hookshot onto the giant stone woman, that would be pretty cool. The only question was where… her face was still intact, so the grating behind it was a no-go. Maybe some part of her snake headdress thing was made of wood. I dutifully aimed, and nearly missed the tiny point on the tip of her armor that could be latched onto. Made my life easier.

I lined up the shot, aimed, and fired. The metal point flew straight and true, quickly yanking me across the room and behind Nabooru. The surface of the statue's stomach was too smooth for me to gain any traction, but that was fine. I was already intending to slide down and land on the ground in front of her legs, just a couple meters behind the Sage herself.

She was already facing me as I stopped. We looked at each other for a moment. I kept my eyes locked on her face, but she made it abundantly clear that she was eying me up and down. "I see the last five-odd years have treated you well, Link. The paint looks good on you."

"I can say the same for you," I replied. "When I found myself back in Hyrule, I promised myself I'd meet up with everyone again. So, here I am." Well, not everyone. If I had wanted to meet with Saria, I would have. I didn't intend to see her again, not after what had happened at the Goddess Tower so many years ago now. Even if it meant not completing the armor set. I could deal with that. Probably.

She nodded. "Mhm. Listen– why don't we get out of this dusty old temple? I can show you something really great."

My brow furrowed. "Where would we go? I don't think I'm allowed in the Gerudo Fortress–"

"We'll deal with that later," she assured. "C'mon. Back the way you came. Hop to it, kid!"

I was all but dragged out of the Spirit Temple, back through the cavity that the great stone block once occupied. The harsh midday sun baked me as we stepped out into the harsh midsummer air. Nabooru and I ignored the Leevers and the Guays as we passed beneath the massive arching rock that stood between the Wastes and the Colossus. At last I didn't feel many eyes on the back of my neck.

Nabooru checked over her left shoulder. Then her right. "Thank Din, they bought it."

"'They'?" I repeated.

"You've been away from Hyrule for the last five years, so it makes sense why you wouldn't know… there's a faction among the Gerudo who still worship Ganondorf, led by his surrogate mothers. You know them all too well, I'm sure. They've made the Spirit Temple their headquarters, and they holed themselves up where you killed them last time. My faction condemns the King and what he did and we control the Fortress, but I'm worried they're going to start something terrible!"

"I bested them once," I reminded. "I could do it again if I had to."

"I don't doubt it," the Sage of Spirit assuaged as we made a three-point loop in the middle of a sudden sandstorm. "But I can't ask that of you. What would the other Gerudo think if I claimed that a Hylian man walked into the Desert Colossus and killed Kotake and Koume? They'd either think I did it myself to consolidate my own power… or Twinrova would become martyrs of a new Unification War. We need to deradicalize over many years, not stroll in and start stabbing." We paused as the River of Sand made itself known through the low-visibility conditions. I took a moment to whip out the Hookshot and fling us across. "And it is working," she continued. "My group used to be a small minority of the Gerudo, but look at us now!"

The Fortress appeared out of the smog. I hadn't thought we were that close to the outskirts; we'd barely even gotten past the River of Sand, much less passed through the main gate. Then I realized the gravity of her statement. We hadn't reached the gate, but the Gerudo city had ballooned so quickly in such a short time that they hadn't had time to expand the walls to compensate. It didn't rival Fhirdiad or Enbarr, but it dwarfed the complex that had been carved into the rock last time I was here.

"Anyways, it's still technically illegal to have men walk around the city, and I'll lose support from the traditionalists if I just give you identification, so…"

"Hang on, hang on," I interjected, sensing the direction that she was about to take. I didn't particularly want to be knocked out against my will, not when so many things could go wrong. Why couldn't I have kept my identification from before Zelda sent me back? "Can I just dress up as a woman?"

Her expression screwed up in thought. "I don't know if you'd be able to sell it. You carry yourself too much like a man. They would be able to tell."

Another idea began to form in my mind, so terrible and mortifying that I couldn't not say it. "I mean, Gerudo go into Castle Town sometimes in search of… boyfriends…" I could feel my face reddening more and more with each word. "A-and that'd be cons-sistent with what we were talking about in the Spirit Temple, if anyone is still watching…"

Nabooru let loose a raucous cackle, her expression full of mirth. "As adorable as you are when you're all flustered, you're not really my type. You're far too young, for one thing!"

"No, that's not– I just– That's not how I meant to say that!" My cheeks were certainly doing their best beet impression right now.

"Oh, I know! It's funny to tease you about it, though!" She got her laughter under control. "But in the end, like I said, you're not my type."

Give me the Silver Gauntlets, and I'll do something great for you! Oh, Golden Goddesses.

"Me not being your type didn't stop you from offering when I was ten." I shivered, feeling sick to my stomach. Even thinking about it was… vile, but putting it into words was even worse.

The Sage of Spirit tilted her head, her ponytail swaying to one side. "You thought I was talking about that? If you were fifteen or twenty years older, maybe– either way, I had every intention of taking the Silver Gauntlets and leaving you out to dry with little more than an IOU."

"That's… a relief."

"I'm nothing like Ganondorf, but I was still a thief." I guess that tracked. "Not my proudest moment, I'll admit. Like I said– glad it didn't have to turn out that way."

The wind was starting to hurt. I hadn't wanted to resort to the Stone Mask just in case it was weathered by the sandstorm, but it appeared I was left with no choice. "Alright. I have a mask of invisibility, so I can–"

"Back up– you have a what now? And you didn't mention it until right now?!"

"A: I didn't want it to get damaged by the weather, and two: you never asked."

The Gerudo chief rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine. Put it on and follow me. I'll take you to Ganondorf's old quarters– after he was locked up, I took them over…"

She turned away, walking with absolute confidence into the winding streets of Gerudo Town. I slipped on the mask and followed, unobstructed by anyone.

Considering the conditions, it was loud compared to the cities of Fodra. Despite the storm, young girls were playing in the streets with wooden scimitars and stone glaives. Older women were loading up great panes of glass, fabrics, and ceramics onto carts, presumably to sell to outsiders in other parts of Hyrule. I guess all that pottery had to come from somewhere, and while I was a little tempted to smash one or three, I kept the impulse in check. Everyone was, of course, female. No surprises there.

Was that a Goron wearing a bikini? I wasn't about to question that.

I continued to trail Nabooru, as we made our way past the Gerudo Training Grounds and deep into the labyrinthian Fortress. Slipping unopposed by many Gerudo guards, we came close to the apex up its own flight of stairs. The chamber was split into two rooms, one dominated by a massive bed, the other featuring two armor stands still holding Ganondorf's garb and a really stupid hat I'd never seen him wear, a basin most likely meant for washing, and an armoire complete with an expansive view of the now-sprawling Gerudo Town. Both sections were draped in colorful red, purple, and gold fabric. Fit for a king, indeed.

"You can take that thing off, nobody comes up here," Nabooru informed, and I was more than happy to rip the mask off. I always felt claustrophobic in the Stone Mask after a while, probably because of how narrow my field of view became whenever it was on. All my experience crawling through tight, subterranean locations had definitely instilled an irrational wariness of enclosed spaces on me. Plus, it reminded me how small my body was. Deep down I still felt small sometimes– even if nowadays, I was closer to my height as an adult than as a child.

"So," I said, "tell me a little bit about the Arbiter's Ground."

"Guess the cat's out of the bag. We'd been hoping to retrofit the Spirit Temple to contain and execute Ganondorf, but with Twinrova and her followers locked up in there, we decided to just construct a new complex. Should be complete by the end of next year if our current pace continues. Personally, I'm more than happy to get this out of our hair. Maybe you should come. See it through to the climax, y'know?"

I pursed my lips. On the one hand, it would give me much-needed closure. On the other hand, I needed to be back in Fodra to hunt for Caiaphas– who knew how much damage he would be doing right now. Given my current track record on that front, that could take a long time. "I'll… think about it."

"Good enough for me. I should probably let you go, but before you depart… let me give you something that'll take your breath away, kid." She sashayed past me, up to the armor stand with the ridiculous horned hat, and presented it to me. "It was Impa's idea. Call it a keepsake… and a promise fulfilled from all those years ago."

It was, without a doubt, the gaudiest and most ridiculous helmet I had ever seen. That was saying something, because I was the biggest connoisseur and enjoyer of ridiculous hats I knew. They were kind of like masks, in that they changed how people looked at you when you wore them. It was painted with red highlights, just like the chestplate, and it appeared to be made of the same material. But the part that really got me was the three horns sprouting from the top and sides, each stretching nearly thirty centimeters around and above me. I could very easily envision myself whacking my head against the tops of doors whenever I wore it, rattling my skull like a maraca. That was probably the part of the armor set I would not wear. Katáktisi seemed to agree.

As it so often didn't.

I promise I'll stop messing around and head back to Fódlan after this. Consider the hunt on.

Review please!

Backpack Bandit (FF): I do have concerns that Link losing an eye will make him too visually indistinct from post-timeskip Dimitri, so we'll have to see on that. On another note, I think the odds of getting Link's storybooks as a separate fanfic is pretty low. CC is already shaping up to be ~350K words at time of writing, if I had to estimate (just wrapped up chapter 45), and I am firmly of the belief that a story should be able to rest once that last chapter goes up. If I do write more fanfics, then they would probably be for other fandoms entirely, like Castle of Glass.

An_actual_pest (AO3): Good question! Link has been using his Twilight Princess hidden skills throughout CC, but he hasn't really given names to them. He executes the Helm Splitter, Shield Bash, and Great Spin a number of times, and if I recall correctly there's a point where he's practicing the Mortal Draw in pre-timeskip. Hope that helps!

Guest (FF): If I recall correctly, he bought it during either the pre-timeskip or mid-timeskip. I don't remember which right now.

Parkourse (AO3): New entry added to the Bomber's Notebook: Get the drip.

teslapenguini (AO3): Starting being the keyword there.

xander1009 (AO3): I have to balance out the inter-Outrealm military-industrial complex finding its way to Hyrule somehow.

OceanaCopper (AO3): That's very kind, and there's a lot more of that in store continuing forward!

Wicker3 (AO3): I did indeed see Hero's Purpose– genuine chills! Regarding Saria, well… Link has a lot more character development to get through before he can get himself to talk to her again. It'll happen in post-timeskip, probably.