Chapter 6
Otabek awoke the next morning with an unfamiliar weight holding him in place. He blinked a couple of times to chase the sleep from his eyes, then slowly turned his head to the right. JJ slept soundly beside him, laying on his stomach, one arm splayed across Otabek's abdomen.
Memories of the night before flooded his mind, Otabek biting down on his bottom lip as he fought the urge to smile. It hadn't been a dream, after all. He and JJ really had –
He gasped, rolling over on his side to reach for his phone on the nightstand. 6:08. Shit!
Bolting upright, he began shaking JJ by the shoulder. "JJ! JJ, wake up!"
"Mmm...just a few more minutes," JJ mumbled, flipping over onto his side and burying his face in his pillow.
"JJ, it's morning. You spent the night in my room."
"Huh? What?" He turned back over, rubbing at his right eye. "Beka? What are you –" Finally realizing that he was not in his own bed, JJ sat up and lifted the blanket, his eyes widening when he saw that they were both completely naked. "Did we…?"
"No time to talk about that." Otabek jumped out of bed and began gathering JJ's clothes from the floor. As much as he would have loved to have spent the rest of the morning in bed with JJ, they had already taken far too much of a risk. "Here, get dressed," he said, pushing the clothes into JJ's arms. "You need to get out of here. Now."
If the Leroys found out that he had slept with JJ… Well, Otabek didn't even want to know what would happen.
"Esti de calisse de tabarnak!" JJ began getting dressed while Otabek did the same, pulling on his pajama pants. "What time is it?"
"A little after six."
"Marde, Maman and Papa are already up. Check the hallway!"
JJ hid behind the door as Otabek slowly cracked it open, holding his breath as he poked his head out. To his immense relief, the hallway was deserted, although he could faintly hear voices speaking French coming from downstairs, along with a grinding noise that must have been the blender. Alain usually made himself a healthy smoothie for breakfast, finding it a quick and easy way to eat while he drove to the rink. "The coast is clear," Otabek informed JJ. "It sounds like they're already down in the kitchen, making breakfast."
"Good." Exhaling, JJ ran a hand through his messy uppercut. "Let's talk about this later, okay?" he said, touching Otabek's arm.
Otabek nodded. "Later. Now, go!"
JJ didn't need to be told twice. He sprinted to his room next door, a blur of white and blue. Once he was certain JJ was safely in his own bedroom, Otabek closed the door and leaned back against it, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. He needed to get ready for morning practice at the rink, but skating was the furthest thing from his mind as the reality of what had happened truly sunk in.
He had sex with Jean-Jacques Leroy.
Fuck.
After finally pulling himself together and managing to take a quick shower to get rid of the evidence of what had happened the night before, Otabek headed downstairs for breakfast. Philippe and Madeleine were already seated at the breakfast nook along with JJ, who had changed into track pants and his favorite Nike hoodie.
"Otabek, there you are!" Nathalie said cheerfully, setting a plate of pancakes down on the table beside JJ, his usual spot. "I was about to send Pip upstairs to check on you. You're usually the first one down for breakfast."
"Sorry. I, uh, forgot to set my alarm," he said, which technically wasn't a lie. It was a minor miracle that he had woken up when he had, before he and JJ could be discovered in bed together. If that had happened…
"Everyone's forgetful sometimes. Just try not to make a habit of it."
"Yes, ma'am."
Otabek took his seat at the table, trying his best to pretend it was just another routine morning, that nothing had happened between him and JJ. "Hey."
"Hey, good morning," JJ said, sounding more upbeat than he had for the past few days. "Syrup?"
"Um, yeah, sure."
JJ passed him the bottle of maple syrup, their hands briefly making contact during the transfer. Otabek involuntarily sucked in a sharp breath, almost dropping the bottle on the table but managing to save it at the last second thanks to his fast reflexes.
"Bit clumsy this morning, eh?" JJ lightly teased after a short pause, helping to cover up the awkwardness of the moment.
"Yeah, I guess I'm still not fully awake yet..."
Dammit, keep it cool, Beka!
"Hey, Otabek, guess what, guess what!" Philippe said from his seat on the banquette on the other side of the table.
Grateful for the distraction, Otabek turned his attention to JJ's younger brother. "What is it?" he asked, flipping open the cap on the syrup bottle. "Did you finally win the Legend Trophy last night?" Philippe's current obsession was trying to win the Legends Showdown in Mario and Sonic at the Sochi 2014 Olympic Winter Games, one of his favorite video games.
"Almost, but that's not it. JJ says he's gonna start going back to practice today!"
Otabek squeezed the bottle harder than he intended, drenching his entire pancake in syrup. "Y-You are?" JJ hadn't mentioned anything about that last night.
Not that they had done much talking...
"Yeah, I figured it's about time," JJ said almost bashfully, rubbing the side of his neck. "I can't keep hiding away in my room forever, right?"
"Try to take it easy, though," Nathalie said, joining them at the table with her own plate. As usual, Alain had already left for the rink to help skaters with their off-ice warm-ups. "It's been awhile since your last practice, so no quad attempts today. I'm limiting you to only triples."
"Yes, Maman," JJ replied with a weary sigh, although knowing him, he would probably throw in at least a couple of quad toes when Nathalie was busy working with other skaters.
"That's good to hear, that you're ready to return," Otabek said in what he hoped was a nonchalant enough voice. "Everybody will be glad to see you back." Especially me…
"Yeah…"
The rest of breakfast passed without incident, Otabek somehow managing to keep his emotions in check even when it felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest every time JJ's arm accidentally brushed against his or their knees knocked together underneath the table. JJ, for his part, had chatted mostly with his mother and siblings, avoiding looking in Otabek's direction as much as possible.
"Ready to hit the road, Beka?" JJ asked after helping his mother clear the table. He pulled his keys out of his pocket, twirling the ring of his golden cross keychain around his finger.
Oh, right. With JJ returning to practice, Otabek no longer needed to catch a ride with Nathalie in the morning.
"Y-Yeah. I'm ready if you are," he said, pushing back his chair.
"It's about time for us to get going, too," Nathalie said to the younger kids, checking the time on her Rolex watch. "Come on, kiddos, go grab your skate bags! We're leaving in five."
Otabek had already brought his skate bag downstairs, so after grabbing it from where he had left it in the foyer, he and JJ headed to the garage to JJ's car. Finally alone, a palpable silence fell between them while they waited for Nathalie and the others to load into the SUV and pull out of the driveway so that JJ would have enough room to exit the garage.
Otabek tugged on his seat belt, finding it much tighter than usual across his chest, and glanced over at JJ in the driver's seat. Staring at his side-view mirror, he had his hands resting on the steering wheel, seemingly the picture of cool and collected...until Otabek's eyes dropped downward to notice JJ's right knee bouncing up and down with jittery energy, betraying his nerves.
Should I say something? Otabek wondered, unsure of how to even broach the topic of what had happened between them. He still had trouble believing it had happened at all, to be honest. If they hadn't woken up naked in his bed, he more than likely would have written it off as the most vivid wet dream of his life, but it had happened, and now Otabek didn't know what the hell to think anymore.
JJ was straight. Sure, Otabek had often fantasized about JJ having some sort of bi awakening and falling in love with him, but that was all it was ever supposed to be – a fantasy. He never in his wildest dreams imagined it would become actual reality.
And to think they had gone so far… He pressed two fingers against his bottom lip. His skin still tingled with the memory of JJ's touch, so clumsy and uncertain, yet eager to feel, to taste… Otabek may have had some previous experience, but it had all been fairly new to him, too. He and Leo had never gone further than a few heated make-out sessions, and Samantha… Well, it had been different with Samantha. Not in a bad way, just...different.
The SUV finally backed out of the driveway, breaking Otabek away from his thoughts and allowing JJ to pull out of the garage. JJ turned on the radio to a local Christian rock station and followed his mother's car, softly singing along to some French lyrics that Otabek didn't have to understand to have a good guess what they were about.
Otabek fought back the urge to sigh. It still didn't make any damn sense. Even disregarding the whole question of sexuality, JJ had said he was "saving" himself for marriage, so what had changed to make him do something so seemingly out-of-character, so contrary to his strongly held beliefs? Maybe he had been sleepwalking? He certainly hadn't acted like someone who was sleepwalking, though. He hadn't been drunk or high either; Otabek would have noticed if he was.
He curled his hands into fists in his lap, steeling himself. He could continue to go through all the possible reasons why JJ had snuck into his room and what it all meant until he gave himself a migraine, but if he really wanted to know the truth, the most simple and effective way was to ask JJ himself.
"So...um...about last night…"
"Oh, man, you have got to be kidding me! A detour?" JJ exclaimed, cutting him off. Up ahead, the exit they usually took to get to the rink was blocked off, a cop directing drivers to go around. "Wonder what happened?" he asked as the cop waved them by. "An accident? I hope no one was hurt too badly. Hey, that reminds me, did I ever tell you about what happened the first week I got my full license?" He didn't even wait for Otabek to respond before launching straight into his story. "I think it was like the third or fourth day since I was allowed to drive by myself. It was storming like mad, and I was driving home from the rink when I came across this horrible five car pile-up. I had to take a detour around the wreck, but I wasn't very familiar with that route yet and my GPS wasn't working, so of course I got lost..."
Sighing, Otabek crossed his arms and stared out the passenger side window as JJ continued with his tale, only half-listening. He should have known JJ would try to avoid the subject. He probably wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened.
Last night was a mistake, he realized with a sinking heart. Otabek had no idea what had been going through JJ's mind, but he should have known better. He should have resisted JJ's advances and sent him straight back to his room. Neither of them had been in the right state of mind, still dealing with their respective break-ups. JJ had been lonely and horny, that's all. It hadn't meant anything to him, just a stupid mistake he'd much rather pretend never happened…
"Beka… Uh, Earth to Beka?"
JJ lightly tapped on Otabek's shoulder, startling him.
"Huh, what?"
"We're here."
Otabek sat back up and looked around. Sure enough, they were parked in JJ's usual spot near the front entrance of the rink.
"Hey, you feeling okay?" JJ asked, unbuckling his seat belt. "You seem kinda out of it."
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," Otabek lied, swiping a hand across his right cheek. If JJ wanted to pretend nothing had changed between them, then so be it. He could do that, too. "Come on, we're going to be late," he said, unbuckling his own seat belt and opening the door.
That was the fifth time.
Groaning, Otabek slowly picked himself off the ice. Five attempts at the quad salchow since he had stepped on the ice, and he hadn't landed a single one. The last one had been his worst yet, not even getting all four revolutions in before he fell. In competition, he'd be lucky just to get an underrotation call; it probably would have gotten a full downgrade in front of a technical panel.
He stroked around the rink in an attempt to regain his bearings before trying the jump again. He needed to concentrate, but that was almost impossible to do when his eyes kept drifting toward JJ's direction like a magnet.
At the moment, JJ was taking a break at the boards, chugging from his water bottle as he listened to his mother's gentle critiques. JJ's first practice back from his break had started off rough, but his jumps had gotten stronger and stronger as the session continued. He nodded at something Nathalie said, lifting up his simple black T-shirt to wipe away the sweat on his brow.
Otabek sucked in a sharp breath at the brief glimpse of JJ's toned abs before the shirt fell back into place. It was hard to believe that only a few short hours ago he'd been tracing his fingers over the outline of JJ's abdominal muscles, his mouth landing kisses alongside the trail of dark hair leading down to his – Otabek clenched his hands into fists at his side, forcing the memory to the back of his mind where it belonged.
Focus! He needed to focus. It was not the time. At the moment, all that mattered was landing at least one fucking quad salchow before his morning session ended.
To rebuild his confidence, he switched to doing some of his easier jumps. Triple flip...good. Triple lutz-triple toe...nice. He double-footed the triple axel, but not a total disaster, especially since he was trying a new entrance into it. Triple loop...landed, if maybe the slightest bit underrotated. Triple salchow...perfect!
Now, to do that again with one more revolution added.
Otabek prepared to attempt the quad, building up speed as he went over the tips JJ had given him at his first practice in his head. Don't over-muscle the jump. Jump more with your legs, not your arms. Bring your arms in tightly against your chest when in the air...
Once he was ready, he went into a mohawk, switching from his right foot to his left when –
"Beka!"
At the sound of his name, Otabek's body immediately went into defensive mode and popped the jump, not even getting in one full revolution. He landed forward with just enough time to see JJ wildly careening toward him before the two of them collided. Otabek fell back hard on the ice, the wind knocked out of his lungs as JJ's heavy body landed on top of him.
Time seemed to slow.
The other skaters stopped what they were doing, a feminine voice – Nathalie's? – shouting something in the distance. JJ lifted himself off of Otabek, staring down at him with a horrified look on his face. His mouth was moving, yet Otabek struggled to make out much of what he was saying other than his name, uncertain if JJ was even speaking English or French.
"Beka...-ka...gonna be...Oh mon Dieu!…" He turned his head to the left. "Maman! Maman! He's –"
"I'm here, sweetheart," Nathalie said, kneeling down beside them and placing a hand on JJ's back. "Are you two okay? Otabek, did you hit your head?"
Otabek's mind fell back into focus, getting over the initial shock of the collision.
"No," he said hoarsely as JJ finally moved off of him, kneeling on the ice on Otabek's other side. At least he didn't think he had. His back had taken the brunt of the fall. "I'm okay."
"Oh, God, I'm so, so sorry, Beka," JJ said, his voice muffled behind his hand. "I saw you coming as soon as I landed my axel, but there wasn't enough time to get out of the way."
Gingerly, Otabek sat back up and shook his head. "No, it was my fault." He had been concentrating so hard on landing his quad, he had been skating with blinders on, unaware of the other skaters around him. "I should have been paying more attention."
"You both should have been paying more attention," Nathalie gently scolded, turning Otabek's face toward her and moving a finger back and forth in front of him. "What day is it, and what is today's date?"
"Friday, July 4th, 2014. Independence Day in the States," he said without pause, following Nathalie's finger with his eyes.
"Remember these words and repeat them back to me: star, flower, gate, opal, joke."
"Star, flower, gate, opal, and joke."
"Now recite the names of the months backward…"
She continued asking him a series of simple questions for several more minutes before she was satisfied. "Good. I don't think you're concussed, but I want you to take a break and get looked over by Michel," Nathalie said, referring to the rink's on-site physical therapist.
There was no need for that. He wasn't in any real pain despite the hard fall; he could still skate now that he had recaptured his breath. "But I –"
"No 'buts'." The firm tone of her voice invited no room for argument. "This session is almost over anyway. If Michel gives you the okay, you can return for afternoon practice."
"I'll take him to the PT room," JJ said, getting back to his feet and offering his hand to Otabek.
Otabek ignored it, getting up on his own. "I don't need any help. You should get back to practice."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
But if it made Nathalie feel better, he supposed it wouldn't hurt to get checked out by Michel...
Though not finding anything worrisome in his initial examination, Michel still refused to give Otabek the okay to return to afternoon practice.
"Potential back injuries are no joke," he lectured. "You may feel fine now, but it can take a day or two before inflammation sets in." He placed a hand on Otabek's shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face. "Relax and get some rest over the weekend, then we'll see how you feel on Monday, eh? In the meantime, try not to do anything too strenuous and contact a doctor if you notice any changes, such as an increase in pain or numbness."
"Yes, sir," Otabek said with a heavy sigh. So much for working on his quad salchow…
He pulled his T-shirt back over his head, then slid off the examination table. On the plus side, he supposed that gave him some extra time to work on the big research paper he was in the middle of writing for his on-line history class. It would be worth a third of his final grade, so he needed to get a good score on it.
Unsurprisingly, JJ was waiting for him outside the physical therapy room, leaning back against the wall next to the door. "Hey, how did it go?" he asked as soon as Otabek came out. "Can you come back to practice?"
"He didn't notice anything too concerning, but Michel still wants me to stay off the ice until Monday."
"Marde!" JJ ran a hand through his uppercut. "I'm really, really sorry, Beka. I never –"
"I already told you, it wasn't your fault," Otabek said in a sharper voice than he intended. Sighing, he dropped his shoulders. "I was focusing too much on landing my quad sal and forgot to pay attention to everybody else. I'm the one who fucked up."
"Still… Let me make it up to you." Pushing himself off the wall, JJ moved closer to Otabek. "Look, there's this great little cafe called The Red Maple a couple of blocks away. How about I treat you to lunch, then drive you home before my next session? It's the least I can do."
If he didn't know any better, it almost sounded like JJ was asking him out on a date.
No, he's just being nice because he's feeling guilty, Otabek was quick to remind himself before he read too much into it. JJ probably would have offered the same thing to anybody else he accidentally crashed into on the ice; that was just the kind of guy he was.
"You really don't have to do that. I have my bus pass." During JJ's depressive episode, he'd gotten very well acquainted with Toronto's excellent public transportation system.
"I want to," he insisted. Reaching for Otabek's elbow, JJ lowered his voice. "Besides, we should probably, you know...talk about last night?"
Otabek's breath hitched at the back of his throat.
Based on the way he had acted earlier, he'd assumed JJ intended to pretend the whole thing ever happened. If he was finally willing to talk, though...
"Yeah… Um, we probably should."
"Jean-Jacques Leroy!"
At the sound of his mother's booming voice coming down the corridor, JJ quickly pulled his hand away and winced.
"There you are!" Nathalie said, stalking over to join them. Her skate guards clacked against the floor. "I thought I told you to stay put after practice."
"Sorry, Maman! I was going to come straight back, honest," JJ said, raising up his hands. "I just wanted to check and make sure Beka was okay."
She turned her attention to Otabek, seeming to realize he was there for the first time, and pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "Oh, Otabek, what did Michel say?"
"He didn't see any signs of a serious injury, but he wants me to take it easy for the next couple of days to be on the safe side."
She nodded. "Sensible advice. You don't mess around with potential back injuries. Alain will be the first to tell you that." It had been Alain's bad back – and Nathalie's subsequent pregnancy with JJ – that had led them to retire from competition mid-quad, ending their run for a potential second gold medal at the 1998 Nagano Olympics.
"I was planning to treat him to lunch as an apology, then take him home before my next session," JJ informed her.
"That will have to wait. That's why I told you to stay. Frank's here to take your samples. He's waiting for you by the men's restroom."
"Today?" JJ groaned. Nobody liked going through surprise drug testing, but it was necessary to ensure all athletes were competing clean. "Fine."
"I'm really okay getting home on my own, JJ," Otabek assured him. As eager as he was to talk and try to make some sense of what had happened between them, there was really no rush. "You can treat me to lunch some other time."
"No, no, I shouldn't be too long. Just go on ahead and grab us a booth. You know the place I'm talking about?"
He nodded. He'd never eaten at The Red Maple before, but they passed it all the time on their daily drives to and from the rink. The bright red shingled roof and large maple leaf painted on its storefront sign made it almost impossible not to notice. It was close enough that he could probably walk there in about five minutes.
"Good. I'll meet you there when I'm finished," JJ promised as Nathalie took him by the arm and started leading him away.
"Come now, we mustn't keep Frank waiting…"
When he arrived at the cafe, Otabek was seated at a booth near the back, right next to a large picture window flanked by red plaid curtains, and ordered himself a glass of tea. To pass the time while he waited for JJ to arrive, he first sent Leo the video of the Reckless Abandon concert he had taken and wished him a happy Independence Day, then he studied the clips Nathalie had taken of some of his triple axel attempts a couple of days ago, taking note of what worked and what didn't. She was having him try a new transition into the jump, meant to help keep him from telegraphing the axel too much and possibly earn more grade of execution points.
JJ had said it wouldn't take long to provide his samples, but after almost fifteen minutes, Otabek frowned, wondering what was keeping him. If he didn't show up soon, they wouldn't have much time to eat lunch, much less talk, before JJ would need to head back to the rink for his afternoon session.
Where are you? Otabek texted, getting a quick "sorry omw" in reply a few seconds later.
His cherry red BMW arrived a short time later, parking in the empty spot directly in front of the window. JJ waved to Otabek as he got out of the car, Otabek returning the gesture.
Though he had tried to disguise himself by pulling the hood of his Nike sweatshirt over his head and wearing a pair of designer sunglasses, Otabek couldn't help but think JJ was drawing even more attention to himself dressed like that, several of the cafe's patrons giving him curious stares as he slinked his way toward the back, sliding into the booth opposite of Otabek.
"Hey, sorry about that. Had a bit of a shy bladder. No matter how many times I have to do it, I don't think I'll ever get used to somebody watching me pee," JJ said, grabbing the menu. "Have you already ordered?"
"Only a drink. I was waiting for you."
A waitress came over, pad and pen poised and at the ready. "Welcome to The Red Maple. Are you ready to order?"
"Yeah." JJ took only a cursory glance at the menu before setting it back down, smiling at the young woman. "I'll have a glass of lemonade and…" He glanced over at Otabek, arching an eyebrow over his sunglasses. "You ever have poutine?"
Otabek shook his head. He had never even heard of it before he saw it listed on the menu, but fries topped with gravy and cheese curds didn't sound particularly appealing to him.
"Well, that needs to be rectified. You can't live in Canada and not try poutine even once! It's against the law, or something," JJ said, handing both his and Otabek's menus back to the waitress. "We'll also have a large order of poutine to split. Thanks."
"Excellent. Will that be all?"
"May I have a refill, please?" Otabek asked, deciding against ordering the grilled chicken sandwich he had been planning to get. The poutine sounded like it would be filling enough on its own.
"Sure, just a moment." She grabbed a nearby pitcher and filled up his almost empty glass. "I'll be right back with your order," she said when she had finished.
"You're gonna love poutine," JJ insisted as the waitress left. "Papa would blow a gasket if he knew we ordered it, but sometimes you just gotta indulge, right?" He didn't wait for Otabek to respond, continuing to ramble on without pause. "So, what's been going on with your quad sal? You seemed to be having a lot of trouble with it this morning. Are you planning to put it in your free next season? It's so stupid that juniors aren't allowed to do quads in the short program. If I was in charge of the ISU, I would…"
Stirring a packet of sugar into his refilled tea, Otabek listened in silence, unable to get a word in edgewise. When JJ suggested they talk, a venting session about the International Skating Union was not exactly what Otabek had expected, but he was on a roll, only pausing when the waitress returned a few minutes later with their poutine and JJ's drink, setting the plate of gravy and cheese curd-covered fries in the middle of the table.
"Go on, try it!" JJ said, pushing the plate closer toward Otabek. "This place has the best poutine, I'm telling you."
Otabek regarded the plate warily. The poutine looked far too messy to eat with his hands, so he reached for a nearby fork and poked one of the fries, hesitantly bringing it to his mouth for a bite.
JJ looked on in anticipation. "Yummy, eh?"
Otabek wasn't sure if he would go quite that far, but it tasted better than he expected at first glance, he had to admit. "Yeah, it's good."
"I knew you would like it!" JJ reached for his own fork, stabbing a couple of fries and stuffing them in his mouth. "Don't be shy," he mumbled with a mouth full of food. "Eat as much as you –"
"JJ, we need to talk," Otabek said, pushing the plate back to the middle of the table and setting his fork on the provided red cloth napkin. "Really talk."
"Oh." He swallowed down the rest of his poutine and finally took off his sunglasses, setting them aside on the table. "Yeah, you're right," JJ said, sighing. "So, uh, about last night…"
"You regret it."
There was no trace of anger in his voice, only a statement of fact. Otabek refused to fool himself into thinking that what had happened between them was the start of some starry-eyed romance. If he had been a better person, he would have stopped things before they had progressed so far, but he had let his hormones get the best of him once again.
"What? No!" JJ said, much to Otabek's surprise. "No, it was...good," he admitted in a softer voice, swirling his finger around the rim of his glass of lemonade. "Really good, actually."
Yet Otabek still sensed some discomfort, JJ refusing to look him in the eye. Not wanting to pressure him, Otabek remained quiet, allowing him to continue talking in his own time.
"I...I'm confused?" he finally said after a long pause, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, I thought I liked girls." He shook his head. "No, I do like girls. I know I do, but… I think I'm attracted to you, too?"
A small gasp hitched at the back of Otabek's throat. Was it really possible…?
"That's weird, right?" JJ asked when Otabek didn't say anything. "Being straight, yet...you know..."
"No, not really." Otabek took a sip of his tea, trying to keep calm even though inwardly, his heart was racing. "I told you before that I'm bisexual, right? That I like both boys and girls? You might be the same."
"Yeah, maybe..."
"Is it just me? Or have you liked other guys before?"
JJ grabbed a couple more fries from the plate between them, taking his time to chew before answering. "I guess I've always been kinda...um, curious? I mean, I've never really had a crush on a guy, but in the locker room…I sneaked peeks? And sometimes...you know…" He swirled his fork in the air, struggling to get the words out.
"Got aroused?"
"Yeah." Shoulders dropping, JJ let out a sigh. "When did you realize?"
"That I liked both?"
He nodded.
"I guess it was the summer right before I started skating on the Junior Grand Prix?" Otabek leaned back in the booth, thinking back to when he had first started to suspect he wasn't completely straight. "I'd had a couple of crushes on girls, but before moving to Colorado to train, I attended this prestigious skating camp in St. Petersburg, run by Yakov Feltsman."
"Viktor Nikiforov's coach." JJ looked duly impressed. Coach Feltsman only took on the best of the best, and his summer camps were well-known to be an unofficial try-out to become one of his full-time students.
Not that Otabek had ever had any hope of being chosen. Even though he was moving up to juniors, he had been stuck training with the novice students due to his lack of a stable triple axel at the time.
"Yeah. Part of the camp curriculum was to take a daily ballet class. That's where I met him – Yuri." He smiled fondly, remembering the day of that first ballet class. "He was younger than me, still a novice, but he was the most beautiful boy I had ever met, with these intense green eyes that reminded me of a soldier's. That's probably when I first realized."
"This Yuri… He was your first, um, gay love?"
Otabek shrugged. "Love's too strong of a word," he said, grabbing another fry that didn't have too much gravy and cheese on it and taking a bite. "We were both kids back then, and barely even spoke to each other. I'm not even sure I would call it a proper crush, really. There was just something about him…" He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. He probably doesn't even remember me."
"Still… You were pretty young," JJ said. "Weren't you confused? Scared?"
"A little, but mostly it felt...right. Like I had finally found the missing piece of a puzzle I didn't even realize I had been putting together in the first place. I think maybe on some level I always knew, I just...didn't realize it?" Otabek sighed, shaking his head. "Sorry, that's probably not very helpful, is it? I don't think there's anything wrong with being confused or questioning, though. It just really wasn't my experience."
"Oh." JJ took a couple of sips of his lemonade, then set the glass down, reaching for his napkin to wipe his mouth. "And your parents? They accepted it, that you were bi?"
"For the most part, yeah." He thought back to the conversation he had with his mother a couple of weeks ago. He still hadn't told his family about his split with Samantha, planning to break the news to them during their weekly video chat tomorrow night. They had made tentative plans for Samantha to call and "meet" his parents and Inzhu, but obviously that was no longer going to happen. "I think they're kind of hoping that one day I'll find a nice girl to marry instead of a guy, but they still love and support me. I've never doubted that for one moment."
"That's good."
Otabek frowned, watching JJ twist his napkin in his hands. He sensed the question went beyond simple curiosity. Though Otabek had grown up in a Muslim family, his parents had always been on the more progressive side. Maybe JJ's devout Catholic parents were more conservative? But Nathalie and Alain had claimed to have no problem with his bisexuality when he had informed them about it during the interview they gave him before accepting him as a student, and Otabek knew that a couple of their other students were gay. Michel also had a husband, a hockey player who was a good friend of Alain's from college. "You don't think your parents would accept it? Accept you?"
"I…" He sighed, tossing the napkin aside. "I don't know."
"They have queer friends and queer students," Otabek pointed out. "I've never hidden who I was, yet they still invited me to come live with them. They seem like good people, and they love you a lot, JJ."
"No, I know. It's not like they're homophobic or anything. They're not, not at all. They've always taught us to be tolerant and accepting of everyone, no matter who they are. But I'm their son. It's...different, you know?" He shifted in his seat. "And some of my aunts and uncles… Well, they're definitely on the more conservative side. If I came out…" He shook his head. "I don't even want to think about how they'd react."
"JJ..."
Otabek started to reach for JJ's hand, but he pulled it back, hiding it underneath the table and glancing furtively around the room as if afraid somebody had seen.
"Hey, don't worry. I won't tell anybody," Otabek said, trying his best to keep the hurt out of his voice. "We can pretend last night never happened, if that's what you want."
It wasn't what he wanted, but whether or not JJ was really bisexual, he clearly needed more time to figure things out.
"And if I don't want that?" JJ asked, leaning forward and lowering his voice. "If I want to keep...you know...with you?"
"JJ, I don't think –"
"I know. I know it isn't fair to you, to ask you to engage in a secret relationship, but… I really do like you, Beka."
Otabek inhaled a deep breath. "I like you, too," he admitted. "And I absolutely don't want to force you to come out if that's not what you want. That's your choice, and your choice alone, but..."
"I...just need, um, some more time to explore, to make certain before I tell anyone else? Can you at least give me that?"
"I…"
It wasn't a good idea. As sympathetic as he was to what JJ was going through, he'd done the secret romance thing before. Leo hadn't been out either when they had first started dating, and Otabek had absolutely hated all the sneaking around they had to do before Leo found the courage to tell his family and friends they were a couple on their one month anniversary. Not to mention the risk they were taking, not knowing how JJ's parents would react if they discovered they were dating, much less had already slept together. At the very least, they would probably insist on him finding somewhere else to stay, if not outright refuse to keep coaching him altogether.
It was bound to end in heartbreak. He knew that, but looking across the table at JJ, Otabek's defenses weakened, his heart overriding everything his brain was telling him.
There was only one answer he could give, consequences be damned.
"Yeah, okay."
Jean-Jacques Leroy was his boyfriend.
It still didn't feel quite real, like he was in a dream that he would soon wake up from. On the ride home from The Red Maple, Otabek discreetly pinched a spot on his left arm to check, the sharp pain assuring him that it was indeed real life.
If only they didn't have to hide their relationship...but Otabek understood. Coming out was a personal decision, and not to be rushed or forced. JJ deserved all the time he needed to figure things out.
Other than that, there was just one thing that bothered him.
Rebecca.
In the aftermath of everything that had happened since last night, Otabek had nearly forgotten about her. Did she actually exist? Though he still found it hard to believe JJ would have cheated on Isabella like that, he couldn't dismiss what Samantha told him completely, especially now that he and JJ were in a relationship.
If Rebecca did exist, was he still seeing her? Had they broken up as well, and had that led to JJ sneaking into his room last night, seeking solace after another heartbreak? Was he just a rebound, a way to distract JJ from losing another girlfriend?
"Hey, something wrong?" JJ asked, pulling Otabek away from his thoughts.
"What?"
"You're being so quiet. I mean, even quieter than usual." He frowned, glancing over at Otabek. "It's not your back, is it? If you're hurting, I can drive you to the hosp–"
"My back's fine," Otabek quickly said, waving his hands in front of his chest. He wouldn't be surprised if a few bruises started forming, but at the moment, he wasn't in any pain at all. "It's just… Can I ask you something?"
"Beka, you're my boyfriend," JJ said with a chuckle. "You can ask me anything you want. I'm an open book."
"Well… What about Rebecca?"
"Rebecca? You mean, Becca Morris, the ice dancer?" His thick eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "What about her?"
"No, not that Rebecca. I already know she's not her," Otabek said, clawing at the fabric of his sweatpants. "I mean the other one...the one you were fooling around with."
The car nearly swerved off the side of the road, Otabek pressing his hand against the dashboard to keep himself from jostling around too much.
"What the…? What in the world are you talking about, Beka?" JJ demanded to know once he got the car back under control. "I haven't been fooling around with anybody."
"You haven't?"
"No, of course not. Where did you even get such a ridiculous idea?"
"From Sam," Otabek admitted, sitting back in the passenger seat. "The night you two broke up, she called me and claimed Isabella told her the reason she ended things with you was because you were cheating on her with some other girl named Rebecca."
JJ's mouth formed a small "o".
"What really happened that night, JJ?" Otabek continued. "I don't think Sam's the type of person to make up a rumor like that just for the hell of it, and though I don't know her as well as you do, Isabella doesn't seem the type either."
"She's not," JJ insisted softly. "Bella's not like that at all."
Otabek's stomach dropped. That meant there had to be at least some truth to the story. "So, you did cheat on her?"
"No! I-I mean, kinda, but it's not how you think. Hold on, let me pull off the road so that we can properly talk…"
JJ got off at the next exit, driving pass several fast food restaurants and gas stations before pulling into the parking lot of what appeared to be an old closed down department store. After turning off the engine, he inhaled a deep breath, his hands still tightly gripping the steering wheel as he stared straight ahead.
Otabek, not wanting to pressure him, kept quiet, biting back the multitude of questions threatening to escape from his mouth.
"You're Rebecca," JJ finally said, so softly that Otabek wasn't quite sure he heard correctly.
"What?"
"You're Rebecca," he repeated more clearly. "Or, rather, you're 'Becca'."
Otabek shook his head, still not understanding. "Use more words, JJ. You're not making any sense."
JJ released his grip on the steering wheel and unbuckled his seat belt, turning his body so that he was more fully facing Otabek, who did the same.
"My...attraction to you didn't just start after Bella broke up with me," JJ hesitantly began. "I'm not sure when it really started, but I, um, I've liked you for a while now. Like, really liked. But I was with Bella… I loved Bella, so I did my best to ignore it. I tried to convince myself that I was just confused, that I only liked you as a good friend, but…" He ran a hand through his uppercut. "That night, me and Bella were hanging out in the living room, watching a movie. Mama Yang had to go to the store to buy some ingredients for dinner and Bella's father was working late, so we had the house to ourselves. We started making out on the couch, and things got a little more heated than usual, you know?" He lowered his gaze, licking his lips before continuing. "And, well, I don't even remember saying it, not really, but apparently your name slipped out by mistake instead of Bella's. Of course, she totally freaked out, assuming that meant I was cheating on her with a girl named Becca. She threw me out of the house, saying we were through. As for Rebecca… I guess the name somehow got lengthened by the time Sam told the story to you."
That made sense. Samantha had mentioned Isabella had been sobbing too hard for her to really make out the name, and of course Isabella would assume "Becca" was another girl. She had no reason to believe JJ was anything other than 100% straight. "But I still don't get it," Otabek said. "If I'm 'Becca', why didn't you try to defend yourself when Isabella accused you of cheating? You weren't! It was just a stupid slip of the tongue."
"But I was," JJ said, letting out a heavy sigh. "Maybe not physically, but emotionally… I was cheating on her in my heart." He looked back up. "Besides, what was I supposed to tell her? That I had a crush on the hot Kazakh guy living in my house?" He shook his head. "It was just...easier to let Bella assume I was cheating on her with another girl than to admit the truth."
"Oh, JJ…" Otabek reached for JJ's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He'd had no idea. "I'm so sorry."
JJ gave him a weak smile. "Hey, it wasn't your fault."
Maybe not, but Otabek had never meant to get between them, whether intentionally or not. Selfishly, though, he was glad to hear there was no real "Rebecca" – or rather, that he had been "her" all along. Otabek had no idea how he would have reacted if JJ actually had some other secret girlfriend.
"Anyway, we should probably get going," JJ said, turning to face forward and reaching for his seat belt. "I'm cutting it close on time."
The two of them buckled back up, and JJ pulled out of the parking lot.
A few minutes later, they arrived back home. Though Otabek expected him to just drop him off in front of the house, JJ insisted on walking him inside, slinging Otabek's skate bag over his shoulder to carry it for him.
"Thanks, but you really didn't have to do this," Otabek said once they were inside, holding out his hand for his bag. "I keep telling you, I'm fine. Carrying a seven pound bag isn't going to put a huge strain on my back."
"Maybe not, but there's no reason to risk it, either," JJ pointed out. "In fact, maybe I should carry it upstairs for you…"
Otabek rolled his eyes. He was being ridiculous! "Give me that." He pulled the bag off JJ's shoulder, shifting it over to his own. "You need to get going. You know your mother hates it when people are late for practice."
"Yeah, you're probably right." JJ sighed. "Guess I'll see you later, then?"
"Yeah, later."
Otabek started to head up the stairs when he felt a gentle tug on the sleeve of his hoodie.
"Hey, don't I get a goodbye kiss?"
He turned back around. With the extra height provided by the bottom step, he and JJ were about eye level with each other, with Otabek standing slightly taller for a change. He inhaled a soft breath as JJ stepped forward, so close that their noses were practically touching, and covered his hand resting on the banister with his own.
Oh, right. They were boyfriends now. Again, it didn't seem real.
"I don't know. Do you?" Otabek asked with as straight a face as he could manage, attempting to hide how flustered he felt.
JJ pouted, looking up at him with large puppy-dog eyes. "Come on, please, Beka?"
"Well, since you did say 'please'…"
Leaning forward, Otabek smiled and lightly pressed his lips against JJ's. JJ let out a shaky breath, his grasp on Otabek's hand tightening. Though Otabek pulled back, not wanting to keep him any longer than necessary, JJ's free hand reached up to caress his cheek, hesitating only for a moment before resuming the kiss, much longer than before.
The bag on Otabek's shoulder slid down his arm, dangling from his fingertips for a few seconds before dropping safely to the ground. With his arms free, Otabek placed his hands on JJ's hips, JJ bringing up his other hand to cradle his face. Otabek's mouth fell open, allowing JJ's tongue to slip inside.
JJ's kisses were addicting. All thoughts flew from Otabek's mind, his body moving on pure instinct. The two of them drew closer to each other, JJ's hands sliding downward to rest on Otabek's arms.
"JJ…" He turned his face to the side, JJ continuing to land kisses along his jawline, and caught sight of the nearby grandfather clock, bringing him back down to Earth. "JJ, you're going to be late for practice if you don't leave soon," Otabek reluctantly reminded him, gasping as JJ reached a particularly sensitive spot right behind his earlobe.
"What if I don't wanna go back to practice?" JJ murmured, his mouth right next to Otabek's ear. "What if I want to stay and –"
Otabek didn't get the chance to hear the rest of JJ's suggestion. The two of them froze in place as three voices speaking French started approaching the front door, two of them he recognized as belonging to Madeleine and Philippe. Muttering what was likely a Quebecois swear under his breath, JJ quickly pulled away, only seconds before the door opened and JJ's siblings, along with a vaguely familiar-looking woman in her early twenties, stepped inside.
"Oh!" the woman exclaimed, taken aback when she saw them standing in the foyer. "JJ, Otabek… Hi, I didn't expect to see you here?" She phrased it more like a question, her thick eyebrows – so much like JJ's – furrowed in confusion. "I thought Tata Nathalie said you went back to practice today."
That's why she looked familiar. The young woman was Camille Leroy, one of JJ's many, many cousins. Otabek had officially met her for the first time at the Canada Day barbecue, but though their paths had never had the chance to cross before then, she had been working as a part-time nanny for the Leroys during her summer break from studying elementary education at the nearby University of Toronto. Nathalie and Alain didn't like the idea of the younger kids spending their entire summer at the rink, so Camille picked them up after their morning freestyle session, prepared them a healthy lunch, and kept them entertained until it was time to go back for their ice dance lessons in the late afternoon.
"Oh, I'm not staying," JJ said. "I just came by to drop Beka off. He's been ordered to get some rest after we accidentally collided on the ice this morning."
"Oh, no. Are you okay, Otabek?" Madeleine asked, sweet as always.
"Are you hurting?" Philippe followed, equally worried. "Here, you can hug Félix if you want." He held out his favorite stuffed animal, a bright green Tyrannosaurus rex. He always took Félix to the rink, claiming he couldn't skate unless the dinosaur was nearby. As his name suggested, he was Philippe's "lucky" charm. "He always scares away the pain when I have a bad fall. See? Grrr!"
Touched by their concern, Otabek smiled to reassure them. "Thanks, but I'm fine, really. It's just a precaution."
"What's a...a 'pre-cos-shun'?" Philippe asked, tilting his head at the unfamiliar word.
"It just means Beka needs to be careful," JJ explained. "He doesn't seem to be hurt at the moment, but they want to be extra sure before allowing him back on the ice."
"Oh, like when I twisted my ankle and the doctors wouldn't let me practice at first even when it felt all better?"
"Yeah, kind of like that," Otabek said. "I'm really okay, though. I don't hurt at all."
"Well, that's good to hear. I was just about to make these two some lunch," Camille said, placing a hand on top of the younger kids' heads. "It's no trouble at all to make an extra serving for you if you're hungry. No pork, I promise!" She pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. "I can't believe the way Papa acted at the barbecue. Well, actually, I can, but still, he was way out of line!"
"Wait, what?" JJ looked between her and Otabek. "What happened? What did Oncle Louis do this time?"
Camille flicked her hand. "Oh, the same thing he always does – cause a scene. He got upset because Otabek wouldn't try Maman's tourtière even though Tonton Alain asked them not to bring any pork dishes in the first place, then started ranting about…" Her eyes briefly glanced over at Otabek before she lowered them and tucked a strand of her short brown hair behind her ear. "Well, you know how he is..."
Otabek frowned. So his suspicions about the argument between Alain and his brother had been correct…
"Oh, man… I'm so sorry you had to deal with him, Beka," JJ said, bringing a hand to his forehead. "Oncle Louis… Well, he's not always the most politically correct."
Camille scoffed. "That's putting it politely. Look, he's my father, so I have to love him, but he's a world-class asshole," she said to a chorus of Madeleine's and Philippe's scandalized "Ooooo"s. "Forget I said that, you two."
"It's...fine," Otabek said, hugging himself. It really wasn't, but he was used to it. At least things weren't as bad in Canada as it had been in the States. "It's not like I understood anything he was saying, anyway. They were arguing in French."
"That doesn't make it right, Beka."
"I know. Anyway, thank you for the offer, but don't worry about lunch for me," he told Camille. "We already ate. And JJ, you really should get going if you don't want to be late for your next session."
JJ pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time, his eyes widening. "Oh, man, I really am going to be late at this point if I don't hurry! Gotta go. Madi, Pip, you be good for Camille, and you…" He reached down and picked up Otabek's forgotten skate bag, handing it back to him. "Get some rest. I want to see you back on the ice on Monday, nailing those quad sals again like I know you can."
"I will," Otabek promised, wishing he could give JJ another kiss but settling for a small smile. "Thanks for dropping me off."
"No prob."
After JJ left, the kids went down to the family room in the basement to play while Camille started toward the kitchen, pausing after a few steps. "Are you sure you don't want anything?" she asked Otabek, who had turned around to go upstairs to his room. "Tea, or maybe a snack?"
"Thanks, but I'm good," he said, holding up a hand. "I'm going to be studying in my room. Could you tell the kids not to bother me for a while? I really need to concentrate on this paper."
She smiled. "Don't worry. Pip's been wanting to see some real-life dinosaur bones, so I'm planning to take them to the Royal Ontario Museum after we eat. We'll be out of your hair for the afternoon soon enough. Oh, and Otabek?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry Papa is such an asshole."
It wasn't her fault, but he appreciated the sentiment all the same. "Thanks."
Otabek was still busy working on his paper on the Kazakh Khanate after dinner when there was a knock on his bedroom door. Almost finished with his current paragraph, he told whoever it was to come in, keeping his eyes glued to the computer screen as he typed so he wouldn't lose his train of thought.
"Hey." The owner of the voice came up behind Otabek, placing his hands on his shoulders and kissing the top of Otabek's head. "How are you feeling?"
...dying in battle at Kirgizia in 1847, after which his head was cut off and sent to the Russians.
Otabek finished typing his sentence and saved his document before answering, sitting back in his chair so that he could look up at JJ.
"Good, now that I'm almost through with this paper." About all he needed to do was write a couple of more paragraphs, finish compiling his bibliography, and give it a final proofread before sending it off to his online instructor. Unlike his geometry assignments, Otabek had a good feeling about his work, almost certain that the paper would receive top marks.
JJ frowned. "You're supposed to be resting."
"I am," he insisted. "Typing at my desk hardly counts as strenuous activity. It's not like I'm lifting weights or anything like that."
"Maybe not, but still…" JJ's grip on his shoulders loosened as he let out a heavy sigh. "If you're seriously hurt because of me…"
"JJ, I'm fine." Otabek spun around in his chair so that he was fully facing JJ. "I'm barely even sore."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're out of the woods yet," JJ said. "I asked Michel about it after practice. He said it can take some time before you really start feeling the pain with some back injuries."
"You talked to Michel?"
"Yeah." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help."
As unnecessary as it was – he really was feeling okay! – Otabek had to admit, it was sweet of JJ to be so concerned. Rising from his desk chair, he wrapped his arms around JJ's neck and gave him a kiss.
"Thanks, I appreciate it," he said. "I'm okay, though. Really. You don't have to worry so much."
"Sorry." JJ let out a small chuckle. "I'm afraid your new boyfriend is a bit of a worrywart by nature. Always have been, always will be."
That was surprising. "But you always seem so confident."
"When it comes to myself, yeah, most of the time. But when it comes to others, especially the people I care about…" He brought a hand to Otabek's cheek, tenderly brushing his thumb along his cheekbone. "I was so scared, Beka," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't think I realized how much you truly meant to me until you fell back onto the ice and I thought...I thought…"
"JJ…"
"Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?" JJ pulled Otabek into a gentle embrace, kissing the top of his head. "If anything ever happened to you…"
"I'll try not to," Otabek said into the fabric of JJ's T-shirt. That was the most he could promise. They were figure skaters, and ice was notoriously slippery, as commentators always liked to say. All it took was one minor mistake – whether it was slipping off an edge, catching a toe pick on a rut left in the ice, or crashing into the boards – to cause a serious injury. Otabek was lucky that the worst he had to deal with so far since he started skating eight years ago was a few twisted ankles, a broken finger, and a busted chin, but it was impossible to predict what might happen in the future, no matter how careful he tried to be.
JJ seemed satisfied enough with that, though. Lifting up Otabek's chin, the two of them shared a long, lingering kiss, then he reached for Otabek's hands, leading him back toward his bed.
Otabek's heart sped up, realizing JJ's intentions.
"Wait."
They needed to be careful. JJ's siblings, especially Philippe, weren't always the best when it came to remembering to knock, often opening his door without permission. Otabek usually didn't mind – Inzhu had been the same when he had lived at home – but he definitely didn't want either of them to walk in on what was about to happen.
"Good idea," JJ said after Otabek had locked his door and retaken his hand, leading him over to the bed.
Laying down length-wise on the mattress, Otabek tugged on JJ's arm, heart pounding as he wordlessly invited JJ to join him. He didn't need any convincing, climbing on top of Otabek and situating himself in between Otabek's spread legs. He captured Otabek's lips in a passionate kiss, their tongues swirling together as their hands wandered and explored over each other's clothes.
It didn't take long for Otabek to grow impatient, though, finding that JJ was wearing far too much fabric for his liking. He grabbed the bottom hem of JJ's T-shirt and tugged it upward until he got the message. Sitting up on his knees, JJ finished pulling the shirt over his head and tossed it aside.
"You, too," he said, staring down at Otabek with that same look in his eyes from the night before.
Otabek was only too happy to comply, partially sitting up as well so that he could take off his own T-shirt with some assistance from JJ. Once free, he lay back down against the pillows and wrapped his arms around JJ's neck, pulling him closer.
A soft moan escaped Otabek's lips as JJ began trailing kisses along his jawline, his bare chest warm to the touch. The weight of JJ's body felt so good against him, so right, but as he started to gyrate his hips, grinding against the bulge forming in the front of JJ's pants, Otabek let our a sharp gasp.
JJ immediately stopped what he was doing, partially lifting himself off of Otabek. "What happened? Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly, an alarmed look on his face as he stared down at Otabek.
"Yeah, um…" It was only a minor twinge in his lower back, the pain already fading away almost as quickly as it had appeared, but it was enough to remind Otabek that no matter how much he insisted he was fine, it probably was in his best interest to follow Michel's orders. "I'm okay, but this might be crossing into 'strenuous activity' territory."
"Marde!" He fully climbed off of Otabek, moving to sit beside him on the bed. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking."
Not as sorry as Otabek was… He closed his eyes, silently cursing the bad timing of the accident. If only he had been paying better attention during practice… "You can hold me, though...if you want," he suggested.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Otabek rolled over on his side, patting the spot right next to him.
After a moment of hesitation, JJ lay back down on his side as well, scooting closer until they were practically nose-to-nose. He wrapped an arm around Otabek's mid-section, pulling him even closer, and shyly smiled.
"I still can't believe you're my boyfriend," he said softly. "I can't believe I even have a boyfriend."
"Are you having second thoughts?" Otabek asked, placing a hand against JJ's bare chest.
"What? No, of course not. Why? Are you?"
Otabek thought back to earlier, when JJ had dropped him off at the house. Though JJ had mentioned a few of his extended family members wouldn't approve of their relationship if they found out they were dating, Otabek hadn't truly understood just how conservative some of them were until he heard about Uncle Louis. "What about your uncle?"
"What about him?"
"He already doesn't like me because I was raised Muslim. If he ever finds out that we're dating…"
"Oncle Louis can go fuck himself," JJ said, a venomous edge to his voice that Otabek had never heard from him before. "I should have stayed at the barbecue instead of hiding away in my room, feeling sorry for myself. It's not like I didn't know how he could get. He wasn't the biggest fan of me having a Chinese Canadian girlfriend either, yet…" He sighed. "I don't know. I guess I keep hoping one day he'll change."
"Why did you parents invite him if he's so terrible?"
"Believe me, if Maman had her way, he wouldn't have been. She can't stand him. But Papa will never hear the end of it if he's left out of any big family functions. It's better to suffer through a few hours of his company than to deal with weeks and weeks of his whining and insults in the family group chat," JJ said with a roll of his eyes. "Also, Mémé is getting along in years. She doesn't approve of Oncle Louis's extreme beliefs either, but he's still her son and she loves him, so he and Papa try to at least pretend to get along on holidays for her sake. Luckily, the whole Leroy family only gets together a few times a year, so we don't have to deal with him that often. Just on Canada Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter."
"I'll try to make myself scarce on those days in the future, then."
In hindsight, Nathalie and Alain had subtly tried to encourage him to make other plans on Canada Day, insisting it was okay if he didn't want to spend the day with a bunch of people he didn't know, celebrating the birth of a nation he had no real ties to. With Samantha in Vancouver and no other close friends to spend the day with, though, Otabek had seen no reason not to attend the barbecue.
"Take me with you when you do," JJ said in a tone Otabek couldn't tell was joking or serious.
"Is the rest of your family that bad?"
"No, not really." JJ propped himself up on his elbow, resting his head on his hand. "I mean, a few of them are fairly conservative, especially on Papa's side of the family, but they're nowhere near as bad as Oncle Louis, thank goodness. They're good people, just very…" he scrunched his nose "...Catholic."
"You're Catholic, too, JJ," Otabek reminded him with some amusement.
"Yeah, but… Some people take it too far, you know?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Anyway, they're not all that bad, and some are actually pretty cool, like Camille," JJ said. "I don't know how she turned out so normal when her father's like that, but she's always been one of my favorite cousins."
"Yeah, I like her, too."
"She's actually living with her boyfriend."
Otabek arched an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"Oncle Louis doesn't have a clue!" JJ said, laughing. "He thinks she's renting an off-campus apartment with her good friend 'Christine', but 'Christine' is actually 'Christian', the guy she's been dating since her first year of university. It's a secret, though." He brought a finger to his mouth. "I don't think my parents know either, so don't say a word to anybody, okay?"
"Don't worry. I won't," Otabek promised, miming zipping his lips.
"Good." JJ leaned forward, kissing the top of Otabek's head. "As long as we're talking about religion, though," he said, "there's actually something I've been wondering about for a while..."
"Yeah?" He shifted positions, moving even closer to JJ. "What is it?" he asked, although he already had a good idea what was on JJ's mind. Frankly, it surprised him that it had taken JJ so long to broach the subject.
"Do you believe in God?" JJ asked, confirming his suspicion. "I mean, you keep kosher – no, wait, that's a Jewish thing, isn't it? What's the word I'm thinking of?"
"Halal?"
"Yeah, you keep halal, but you never attend mosque or anything like that. Is it because you don't know where one is? Because Toronto has quite a few. I can help you find one nearby, if you want."
"No, that's okay," Otabek assured him. "I haven't gone to a mosque for a while now, to be honest. In Kazakhstan, Islam is the majority religion, but the country itself is considered secular, and most Muslims there are like those Christians who only attend church on Christmas and Easter."
"Ah. So you're still a believer then? Just not that religious?"
"I...don't know." His relationship with God and religion was...complicated. In some ways, he thought Islam was quite beautiful, and it angered him when ignorant people twisted and misrepresented it as something to be feared or needed to be eradicated, but when it came to his own personal beliefs, he had a lot of questions and doubts that he had yet to find the answers to. "I used to believe in Allah," Otabek admitted. "When I was younger, my faith was quite strong, and sometimes, I still like to believe that He exists, but over the years..." He shrugged. "I just don't know. Does that… Does that bother you?"
His eyes dropped down to the familiar cross necklace hanging around JJ's neck. He knew how much JJ's faith in God meant to him…
"No," JJ said after a short pause, reaching over to brush a strand of hair out of Otabek's eyes when he lifted his gaze. "Does it bother you, that I do?"
Otabek shook his head. He disliked so-called "Christians" like Louis Leroy, who spouted words of hate and cruelty under the banner of a religion that was supposed to be about love and forgiveness, but JJ… JJ was one of the good ones.
"No, not at all."
DISCLAIMER: "Yuri! On Ice" doesn't belong to me.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Usually, I would say to expect Chapter Seven two months from now, at the beginning of May, but I'm afraid I might need a little more time. I'm working on another story for an event I'm running in another fandom that's happening near the end of March, so I need to concentrate on that for the next few weeks. That means I probably won't finish the next chapter of this story until the beginning of June. If I do happen to finish early, I'll try to post sometime in May, but really, just expect it to be June. Thanks for understanding!