It had been dark outside the dusty window for ages. The air in Kakashi's room was filled with smoke from cigarettes and joints, the smell of sweat and alcohol, loud music, and the muffled sound of Kakashi's bare feet on the carpeted floor. He was wearing only his boxershorts but still had a thin film of sweat on his skin, a joint, barely wider than a chopstick from their late-night dinner, stuck between his lips, and he let his hips circle to Lucretia My Reflection in sweeping movements, groping from one leg to the other, his hand with the beer bottle in the air. Gai sat in front of the bed in his white fine-ribbed underpants, watched his best friend with a stoned grin, didn't even notice how ashes fell from his cigarette.

"Two worlds and in between.. hot metal and methedrine," Kakashi hummed past the stem. He pointed at Gai, beckoning him to him with the neck of the bottle and his index finger. "Come on, Gai, move your ass here, dance with me!" Flakes of ash floated around.

Gai laughed, shook his head and took a drag on his cigarette. "No, I'd rather watch."

Kakashi did a crippled pirouette, stumbled, lost his balance, but immediately caught himself again, stomped and shouted to the ceiling, "We don't doubt!" The joint fell out of his mouth, landed on the carpet and Kakashi bent down with a "Fuck" to pick it up. His thick skull pulled him deeper and he realized that it would be better to catch his breath for a moment. He plopped down next to Gai, panting heavily, laid his head on his mattress, puffed and let out a laugh, although he didn't even really find anything funny. But he was in a good mood. The song ran out and 1959 started.

Gai took the joint from Kakashi's fingers, puffed himself until it no longer contained combustible weed, and squeezed out the butt on the bed frame before carelessly throwing it somewhere in the room. He looked at the bedside table where the little old alarm clock stood, and began to count softly. "Six.. Five.. Four.. Three.. Two.. One.. Happy Birthday, Kakashi."

"Hm?" Kakashi's head tilted to the side, he blinked at his friend questioningly. "Is it time yet?"

"Yes," Gai smiled. "Now you're eighteen, of age, a real man in the prime of his youth."

Kakashi laughed chuffly. "As if." He drank the last bit of his beer bottle, bowled it to the other waste glass and opened the next one. "I don't feel any different than yesterday. When does this growing up begin?" The song made him strangely melancholic. Or was it the weed?

"Probably never," Gai snorted, crawling halfway to his jeans, which were lying on the floor in a pile of clothes at the foot of the bed, and pulled out a cylindrical gift. "Here, for you."

"Gai.." Kakashi grumbled, put his beer next to him and took the colourful sausage from him. "I told you I didn't want anything."

"I know, but I still wanted to give it to you. After all, it's your eighteenth, something very special, like you." He swayed his shoulder to Kakashi's, which turned out to be a slightly sticky affair because they were both sweaty from warmth, alcohol and just having a good time.

Kakashi gave him a reproachful look, but started to unwrap his gift like an energetic toddler. Beneath the kitschy printed paper was a thick magazine held together with a rubber band, which Kakashi rolled out and his eyes almost fell out of their sockets. "No way!"

"Yes," Gai giggled. "When I saw it in the kiosk three weeks ago, I immediately thought of you."

They looked at each other and then simultaneously to the large poster on the door of the room, where Erika Eleniak posed in her skimpy red swimsuit, almost showing off more than hiding. "I know you like her," Gai said and slid a little closer to Kakashi so that he could look over his shoulder. Their heated skin touched, transferring the warmth of one to the other.

Kakashi hastily searched for the cover girl's pictorial in the inside section of Playboy. With a broad grin he whistled and growled aroused, "Shit, she looks even hotter without this thing." He turned the magazine, holding it closer to his eyes. "Her boobs are awesome, dude."

"But unshaven," Gai commented.

"So what? I have nothing against it. She has styled it nicely, almost looks like a runway."

Gai looked at Kakashi's profile, which was constantly focused on Erika's nudes. "Is it a good gift?"

"Good?" Kakashi laughed, glancing at Gai and quietly adding as he continued to inspect Erika's aesthetically displayed body, "You'd better take that thing out of my hands, or you'll have to leave my room soon." He pushed his pelvis forward a few centimetres, parted his legs a bit, wherefore his knee bumped against Gai's. "I think thanks to you, I now have the best wank template I can imagine."

Gai laughed loudly. "Are you getting hard now, or what?"

"Maybe a little," Kakashi smiled, closed the magazine again and put it next to his pillow, shaking his head. "I'll deal with that later. Thank you, Gai." With difficulty, they hugged each other briefly.

"You're welcome," Gai said as they separated from each other again.

Kakashi teasingly poked his elbow into Gai's side. "If you're up for it, I can lend you the mag, as long as you don't stain it."

"Nah," Gai waved off, "nice of you, but forget it. It's all yours. Just bury that thing very deep so that your father doesn't find it."

"Pf," Kakashi said. "In the end, he takes it from me and uses it himself. No, I'll be careful. That's my little secret."

"Ours, hello? I know all your secrets."

Kakashi threw him a raised eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

Gai rested his head on the mattress behind him, stroked the knotty sheet absently with his free hand and pulled off some of the fluff. Their knees were now in constant contact. "Do you mean to imply that you have secrets from me?"

"Of course," Kakashi muttered with a diabolical grin. "I'm not telling you everything."

"I do."

"Everything?"

Gai opened his mouth as if to agree, but his irises scurried to the side and he closed it again. "Yeah, ok, you've got me. Not everything." He dropped the collected fluff and continued.

"Aha." Tonally fitting, the choir of This Corrosion started at exactly this moment and the two got a short fit of laughter. When they had calmed down again, Gai narrowed his eyes scrutinizingly. "What secret do you have from me?"

"I'm not telling you that, then it wouldn't be one anymore."

"Ok, let's make a deal. I'll tell you a secret and you'll tell me."

That made Kakashi curious. Of course, he had never told Gai everything, but this boy next to him knew more about him than anyone else. However, the fact that Gai also had secrets from him was new to him. Gai was not a particularly closed person. If he had anything, he addressed it directly. "Alright. A secret for the price of one."

"You start."

'Typical,' Kakashi thought, grinning and licking his lips. "I.. But don't hate me, okay?"

"I could never hate you." Another fluff ball landed in the small gap between their bodies.

Kakashi made an incredulous face, but he said hesitantly, "I.. had.. made out.. with Kina."

Brutal silence. Kakashi already saw their friendship in ruins, then Gai, who had stopped fiddling with the sheet, asked, "When?"

"Ten years ago."

Again, a silence, but this time Gai interrupted it with loud laughter. "Wait, what?!" He could hardly contain himself, sniffed, clapped his hand on Kakashi's shoulder and asked with a hiccup, "You-hu showed my sister your winkle as a child?"

"Yes," Kakashi replied a little grimly. Somehow, he didn't find it so funny.

"I thought you'd come up with the fact that you deflowered her or something."

"No, absolutely not," Kakashi immediately denied. "I have nothing with Kina, I never will. She's like a sister to me. But back then we also.. well, touched and all. We wanted to test what we saw in my dad's pornos. But as you can imagine, there wasn't that much going on with me at the time, and that's why it stayed with petting, if you can even call it that. I had a finger in her, nothing more. But we both wanted it."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I don't know," Kakashi shrugged. "I was always embarrassed that we did that."

"You were just children," Gai said calmly and patted Kakashi reassuringly. "And children like to explore. But later you didn't.. you know. Right?" His grip tightened a little, almost like a warning.

Kakashi moved his shoulder to shake off Gai's hand, which remained in place. "No, as I said, I won't do anything like that. You're my best friend, I could never do that to you. I promise it high and holy!" Kakashi raised his fingers to make an oath and took a deep breath as if he had become a hundred quintals lighter with this confession. He was glad that Gai took it all very casually. "Now you."

Gai sat up straight again, his knees swung visibly nervous through the air and he kneaded his fingers restlessly between his hairy thighs. "I repeated because of you."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked, frowning.

As if he had to arm himself, Gai cleared his throat. "Mh.. After Noriko, I wanted to avoid going to different schools, so I deliberately messed up tests and played dumb and everything so that I had to repeat. So, we got into one class and stayed that way in secondary school. I didn't want to take the risk of not being able to be with you anymore." He threw a shy smile at Kakashi, who stared into nothingness with a glazed gaze. "Kakashi? Are you still present?"

Kakashi pulled himself out of his torpor. "Wow," he blurted out. "My secret is that I groped your sister, and yours is that you gave up school for me."

"I didn't give it up completely," Gai interjected. "I only repeated one school year."

"Yes, but you could be graduating soon. And what do I do in return? Go to Kensington without you. If I had known that, then—"

"No," Gai said emphatically. "Don't start like this now. I didn't have a big disadvantage as a result. For you, Kensington is a huge opportunity. This is not comparable. So don't talk yourself into shit that you owe me stuff or something."

"I'll try," Kakashi mumbled meekly. He scratched his wrist with a slight discomfort. "I would never have allowed you to sacrifice anything for me. If I had known that then, I would have stopped you."

"That's why I never told you," Gai replied quietly. "I didn't want you to blame yourself. You Hatakes are really good at that."

"Fuck you," Kakashi snorted, they both laughed, but soon stopped again. A stoned and at the same time sentimental silence fell over them, broken only by the Sisters. Kakashi lost himself in Gai's words, played with his fingers, his forearms on his knees, absently tugged at the skin or nibbled at a small crust he had contracted while chopping vegetables.

"What are you thinking about right now?" asked Gai, who watched his fumbling as if hypnotized.

Kakashi clenched his hands into fists. "I wonder if it will ever get better."

Gai probably sensed that Kakashi was weighing on his soul, so he remained silent, only resting his head on his friend's shoulder and letting him talk without interruption.

"Dad drinks more and more, sometimes right after getting up or before work. I'm afraid for him, Gai. I believe that he is slowly being eaten up from the inside out. And I can't do anything about it." He took a deep breath, the vibration of his lungs was clearly audible. Slowly his head sank on Gai's, his ear nestled in this full, good-smelling hair. "I mean, I can understand him. It's almost ten years ago, but he still can't get rid of the guilt. But I'm much more to blame than he is." His fists began to shake, so Gai clasped them tightly. Kakashi untied them and the two wedged their fingers together. After a short clearing of the throat, Kakashi continued to speak in a brighter voice, now whispering more. "I should have done something, then she wouldn't have been.."

A jolt went through Gai's body. He put his arms around Kakashi's shoulders and pulled him sideways into an embrace, gently thrust his forehead into his silver hair.

"She wouldn't have been..."

"Kakashi, listen to me," Gai breathed and gently stroked Kakashi's trembling shoulder. "You couldn't have done anything. You would never have been able to fend off Noriko's attacker on your own."

"But I could have gotten help," Kakashi replied with a suppressed sob. He couldn't hold back his tears anymore. "Instead, I just stood there and watched them assault her and stab her..."

"You were nine, no one would have asked you to think like an adult," Gai murmured, now stroking Kakashi's neck with slow, comforting movements of his thumb. "You decided back then as only a loving son could. You stayed with your mum, held her hand, were there for her until the end. If you had called for help, she would have been alone for her last breaths."

"Oh God," Kakashi squeezed out, his upper body tensing up and Gai pulled his puny figure further into his arms, tightening the grip on his shoulder and neck. "It sucks what happened back then," he whispered in Kakashi's ear, "but you did the right thing. You haven't left your mum, and she will never leave you. Your dad knows that. Sometimes he wants to forget it, but he knows, I'm sure. He knows that you are a good son. You're good, Kakashi. Do you hear? You are good."

Kakashi was silent, breathing only with whistling lungs that ached from all the restrained grief.

Just a little bit, so that they could look each other in the face, Gai broke away from him. "Say it, Kakashi."

Kakashi turned his head timidly, saw the pitch-black button eyes shining in front of him in the weak light, the tips of their noses gently brushing against each other.

"Say it, please. You have to say it out loud, internalize it."

"Thank you, Gai.."

"No, I don't mean that," Gai smiled and moved away slightly. "The other. I want to hear it from your mouth."

Kakashi lowered his eyelids for a moment, gathered the strength that was needed, and finally whispered, "I am good."

"Yes, you are. Never forget that."

Kakashi nodded and looked at Gai again. His eyeballs were red and irritated by weed and tears, he felt miserable, but this tight knot in his chest had loosened a little. He took a deep breath, swallowed and licked his lips with the tip of his tongue, which were wet with sweat and tears. "Sorry that I ruined the mood."

"It's your birthday, not mine," Gai said and they both laughed briefly. "I'm here for you, Kakashi, whenever you need me." He gave him a short smack on the nose.

"Yes, you are." His gaze slid to Gai's chin, slight stubble on it. "Thank you for listening to me." He snorted. "And didn't necessarily have to organize a race like last time."

"Hey, if you want to lose to me, you just have to say it." With a quick wave of his hand, Gai wiped a tear from his jaw, which could also be understood as a frivolous nudge.

"Wanker," Kakashi grinned.

"Always at your service." In the background, Eldritch sang "no, no, no, no harm will come your way" and elicited a shallow smile from Gai. "A wise man has spoken."

"Yes, he has.." Kakashi whispered, but didn't mean Eldritch.

Kakashi could never put into words how grateful he was to have Gai as a friend. He just always knew what to say to make him feel better – or he simply provoked Kakashi to run around the block with him, to forget his mother's death at least for a moment and realize that his world wasn't completely in shambles, that not everything was broken, that he still existed as a human. For a ten-year-old, Gai had already shown a creepy amount of emotional intelligence back then, and he hadn't lost any of it to this day.

The heart that was pounding in the rib cage on his shoulder was so incredibly large and filled with so much warmth. This empathetic glow was reflected in the deep, black eyes. It burned itself into his soul and for a moment Kakashi forgot everything around him. The music faded into the background, every disturbing thought disappeared. He saw only Gai's glowing coals in front of him, felt his slow yet restless breathing on his bare skin, smelled weed, cigarettes and beer in it. His eyes darted down to Gai's lips, those narrow, curved, soft pink lines, slightly shiny from the Vaseline he always applied to counteract the dryness. Still, they were a little chapped. And still again, they were beautiful.

Maybe he was just imagining it in his state because his vision was a little waft anyway, but he had the feeling that they were getting closer. Now Gai's breath slid not only over his upper arm, but also over his shoulder, wandering into the crook of his neck. He closed his eyes, enjoyed the heat that Gai left on him, with which he warmed his steel-cold core, melting the ice around it. Without Gai, he wouldn't be here anymore, would have given up at some point, would have surrendered to pain. Without Gai, he would be nothing, a lonely, callous nobody.

And then he felt the hot breath on his cheek, a tender touch on his lips. A shred of dead skin pricked his lower lip. The pressure became a little stronger, more courageous, Kakashi returned it cautiously. Gai's breath stumbled over his face. Kakashi's lips moved slightly, felt their way into a real kiss. He pushed his tongue forward, inspected the little thorn with it. Gai returned the gesture and the tips of their tongues met in a shy greeting, at first only briefly, then longer, disappearing less and less behind her lips, which pressed incessantly against those of the other, moving, making soft smacking noises that were meant only for them.

Kakashi didn't know how to kiss, so he tried to gently suck on Gai's lower lip, which he answered with another stumble of his breath. Again, their tongues nudged each other curiously, circling each other. Again, he sucked, increased or reduced the pressure, let his lips dance in a slow waltz on this uneven ground.

Their kiss grew. They opened their mouths wider, their tongues leaving each other no peace. His core broke out, the ice crumbled, releasing all the heat Gai kindled in him, all the affection, even love he felt for him. Bubbling lava pulsed through his limbs, in his crotch. He raised his hand to that slender upper arm in front of his chest, clawed into it. Gai's right thumb stroked behind his ear, his other hand on Kakashi's shoulder tensed. Kakashi turned his upper body slightly, couldn't keep his breathing steady anymore because of all the excitement. He took in everything from Gai, his saliva, his body warmth, the soft tones of their lips and tongues.

Kakashi turned his upper body further, now completely in Gai's direction, clinging to his neck as if he feared losing him otherwise. He felt Gai's slowly working jaw muscles on his thumbs when they wanted to give way to the battle of their tongues, stroked them gently. His fingernails scratched over Gai's scalp, pulling the skull underneath closer to him. He bowed his head, only letting the kiss between them continue to grow, and couldn't resist a pleasurable sigh.

As if this had been the signal, they reacted at the same time. Without breaking their kiss, both boys straightened up, now kneeling opposite each other and Gai's leg pulled Kakashi's hip closer to him. Two erections met, which made the boys moan simultaneously and then laugh briefly before, again without having coordinated with each other, they deepened in another kiss which became more and more greedy and wild.

Kakashi stretched his pelvis forward, pressed his stiff member next to Gai's. Their bellies touched, almost scorched on each other's flaming skin. Gai's hand slid down from Kakashi's shoulder to his lower back, the fingers crept under the waistband of the boxershorts, spread on the soft ass cheeks and exerted some pressure. Kakashi clawed into Gai's supple hair, groaned and had to break the kiss for a moment to take a growling breath. "Gai.." he gasped breathlessly, pushing his hips even further forward, as if he really wanted to merge with him.

"Yes.." Gai whispered back and came closer to Kakashi. They felt each other's cocks twitching.

"Oh fuck, Gai.. Yes.." Another twitch.

Kakashi wanted more of it. He licked Gai's thorny lower lip and began to make slight thrusting motions. Gai gasped aroused, his fingers on Kakashi's ass grabbed and he joined in with the rhythm. With a moan of the two boys, a renewed battle of their tongues began. It became more demanding from both sides, louder, was accompanied by a deep moan from one or the other throat when it twitched in one or the other underpants.

Kakashi wanted even more of it. He released their kiss and his hands from Gai's hair, pushed his panties off his buttocks and eagerly dug into his cheeks, which tensed up with shock and arousal. With a small kiss he stole Gai's hoarse gasp, spread his legs a little so that he could take Gai's hips between his thighs and resumed the thrusting movements, also massaging Gai's ass and kissing those wet, swollen lips in front of him, that were sending hot, choppy breath against his.

"Haa.. Kakashi.." Gai moaned, scratching Kakashi's back with both hands and rubbing his hard, twitching cock against Kakashi's groin in the same time as Kakashi did with him.

They threw the other a short look, veiled with pure lechery, before their mouths fell over each other again, followed by more choked sounds, more friction, more everything. They were like two reeds that swayed in unison with each other, surrendering to the waves of their lust. Kakashi's index finger crept between Gai's cheeks, played with the hairs, slid up and down the sweaty crack, circled this red-hot rosette that trembled under his touch.

With a soft moan, Gai pulled away from him, pressed the bridge of his nose into his cheek, his forehead into the silver strands of hair that stuck to the sweat, and licked the corner of his mouth. "Do it.. Please.. I want you in me.."

Kakashi didn't hesitate any further. He inserted the tip of his left index finger into Gai's anus, placed his right hand between Gai's shoulder blades to push him closer to his own torso, where their chests synchronized with breathing, rather panting, and thrust a little faster.

"Haaahhhh... yees... yes.." Gai growled and held on to Kakashi's shoulders. "Yes.. Kakashi... deeper.."

Kakashi pushed his index finger forward, the muscle ring loosened and closed around it whenever Gai's cock throbbed eagerly next to his. Gai's legs jerked apart, his pelvis interrupted their rhythm for a moment and his lungs skipped a breath.

"Gai.." Kakashi gasped, dug his fingernails into Gai's slippery skin on his back and waited until the button eyes were on him before he murmured, "Please kiss me when you cum.."

"Yes.." Gai breathed and immediately followed up on his promise. With a pleasant sigh, his fingers buried themselves in Kakashi's dripping wet hair and he kissed him. Their tongues played, danced, fought, their lips sealed every further note that slipped from either of them, for neither of them ever wanted to give up any of it. It was their moaning, their smacking. Only theirs.

Kakashi let his index finger circle slightly in Gai, which finally elicited a loud, dull hum from Gai. "Yes.." he squealed, kissed Kakashi, stopped his own movements and lost himself under Kakashi's thrusts. "Yes... Oh fuck yes... I'm cumming..." He probably remembered Kakashi's request, kissed him, gasped into his mouth, kissed him further, tore out a few hairs, pinched his cheeks tightly, his entire body tensed, his hips twitched uncontrollably towards Kakashi a few times and a very long, swinging moan reached Kakashi's tongue, which only aroused him further.

A warmth spread on Kakashi's cock. He slowed down his thrusts until he finally stopped them altogether. He only rubbed himself very tenderly against the damp fabric, felt and enjoyed the pulsation on his member. Slowly he broke the kiss and pulled his finger out of Gai's anus.

"Haah.. fuck..." Gai groaned and kissed Kakashi briefly. "Fuck, that was awesome..." They laughed. "Yes.." Kakashi agreed. He put his hands at Gai's sides and stroked his hot, sweaty skin. "Yes, that was awesome.." They gently let their foreheads crash against each other and both took a deep breath.

"Kakashi..?" Gai asked softly, his fingers scratching the hair behind Kakashi's ears. "Would you.. um.. Would you want to fuck me?"

A smile tugged at the corners of Kakashi's mouth. "Yes.." he whispered and they kissed again, this time more leisurely, as if they didn't want to rush anything anymore. The fire between them was by no means extinguished, but they had both become accustomed to the heat and did not want to burn in it.

Kakashi's hand slid from Gai's hip to his chest, felt the erect nipple, clasped it in his palm. He dug his fingertips between his ribs as if he wanted to tear out his wildly beating heart. This beloved heart that should belong only to him. No one else should ever find a place in it. It was his. All alone.

An unexpectedly loud click from the corner of the room sounded, just one wall from the flat door, then a whirring. A drum kit broke loose and changed something in Kakashi. It brought him back to reality, reminded him of where he was and what he was doing.

He immediately recoiled. Panting, he stared into Gai's face. His cheeks were covered with sweat and a pink shimmer, and he was also breathing heavily. Then Kakashi's gaze glided past his head to the closed room door, to the picture of Erika Eleniak, her pretty breasts in the tight swimsuit, saw it swing backwards and Sakumo's horrified and angry face in the frame, saw him rush towards him, heard words like "disappointment" and "dirty" destroy the music. This was not right. Sudden anger burned his intestines. "Tell me, are you crazy?!" he hissed, turned his eyes back to Gai, whose facial expressions changed from what shit to surprise, and pushed his still slightly trembling figure away. Kakashi ran his fingers over his lips in disgust. Gai's Vaseline stuck to them and he shuddered. "Are you daft..?"

Gai blinked. His mouth was open, but he couldn't seem to say anything.

Kakashi fought his way out of Gai's arms and stood up. Only now did he realize that he and Gai were only wearing underpants. They had knelt half-naked in front of Kakashi's bed, drunk, stoned, close to each other, so that it was no longer possible to tell which body belonged to whom, and then Gai had asked him if he wanted sex. Gai, of all people! His best friend! A MAN! His heart was racing uncontrollably. "What kind of shitdick are you?! Do you think I'm into something like that?"

"Kakashi.." Gai started quietly, scrambled to his feet and wanted to walk towards Kakashi, but he noticed the damp bump on the white fine rib fabric, hissed, "Don't touch me!", backed away and bumped his heel against the umpteen beer bottles they had emptied in the past hours. "Did you get me drunk on purpose to be able to fuck me, you fucking pervert?!" Kakashi roared, glaring hatefully at Gai. "You take advantage of the fact that I'm high and drunk to stick your cock in me.. That's the way it is, isn't it?!"

"No, Kakashi, I—"

"Fuck off," Kakashi growled, hurling his arm towards the door and screaming, "Fuck off outa my life, you fucking poofshroom! And don't you dare ever come near me again, or I'll kill you!"

With a panicked, sad, desperate expression, Gai gathered his pile of laundry, pressed it to his chest and stormed out of Kakashi's room with his ass bare. Kakashi slammed the door behind him so that it jumped out of the lock again. He threw his body against it, buried his face in Erika's neckline and screamed with all his might as he thundered his foot against the wood, barely heard the crack, didn't feel the pain.

Full of hatred and disgust, he pushed himself off the door, tore his hair and only took a short breath and then continued to scream. That could not have happened. None of this could be true! He had to be dreaming, had fallen asleep, was feverishly concocting some shit. No.. It was.. Gai couldn't.. HE couldn't..

Dominion warbled happily to itself. Pure hatred towards this band and what it meant to him, what it meant to THEM, flowed through his veins. He dragged the cassette out of the deck, threw it to the ground and stomped on it. The plastic shattered into a thousand pieces, bored into the sole of his foot. He screamed with every step, his spit flew around, wetting his own chest, his face.

When the magnetic tape got disgustingly tangled between his toes, he plucked it out, threw it away, causing it to flutter sadly through the air and blow to the small shards on the floor.

Kakashi panted heavily, tore his hair again and let out what sounded like an angry whimper. The images and feelings still haunted his head, how this poof kissed him, touched him. He didn't want that. He had to get this poison out of his skull. He had to remember who he was, who he had to be. He had to distract himself, do something, something—

His blurry vision had wandered through his chaotic room and landed on Playboy. Yes, that was a good distraction.

He limped to his bed, leaving a bloodstain on the grey-blue carpet with every second step, not caring about it. He preferred to kneel on his mattress, open the magazine at Erika's pictures, pulled his soaked shorts into the depths, spread a little Vaseline from the can in his bedside drawer on his fingers and took his rock-hard cock in his hand. He roughly began to rub it, spread the lubricant on it, focused on the shapely tits, the tight ass, the slim belly in front of him. His eyes glided over the pretty nipples, the delicate, light brown bush between the legs, the slight tan marks at the waist. He rubbed faster. His penis twitched, greedy for these horny tits.

Moaning softly, he leaned forward, pushed the magazine up a little to have the naked woman's body directly in front of him, and masturbated more and more violently, closing his hand further around his stiff shaft. He pulled the skin far forward with a firm grip, which allowed a few drops of pleasure to leak from his tip, which he spread with his thumb on his wet glans.

Powerlessly, he sank deeper, pressed his mouth to Erika's face. The paper stuck a little to his lips, tore off, he wiped it away and wanked faster again. How he would like to have someone here right now, some girl who willingly lolled under him. He finally wanted to have sex, to know how it felt. He wanted to be touched and desired, not just languished. He wanted this closeness to a person, not only physically, but also emotionally. He wanted this feeling of before, this passion, this lust, just with a girl. He wanted it so badly..

Panting, he buried his face in the crook of his arm, bit his skin. His pumping arm began to hurt. He had rarely taken as long as he did now, even though he had the hottest woman on this planet in front of his eyes and was aroused to the point of bursting.

His legs hardly wanted to hold him anymore and began to tremble. He sat up straight, leaned his back against the panelled wall, put his legs up and continued to massage himself. In addition, he slid his free hand to his scrotum to knead it carefully, pull on it, stimulate him further in the hope that he would finally cum, so that he could get rid of this pressure in his loins that just wouldn't subside.

As if in a trance, he squatted there in the silence that only soft flapping and panting did not complete, wanking without really knowing how he actually wanted to satisfy himself – like a pitiful newbie. He closed his eyes, bumped the back of his head against the wall and drove his hand deeper to his perineum, where he pressed two fingers into it. This finally gave him the kick he needed. He moaned loudly, let his fingertips circle on his perineum, rubbed his painfully throbbing cock faster and faster.

He felt the first seeds on the back of his hand, his thighs tingled like hell, his abdomen contracted, pumping all the blood into his balls. He felt his orgasm approaching, closer and closer, more and more brain-fucking. His breathing turned into a gasp and he released his explosive orgasm with a high and long moan, just managed to take his hand off his perineum and lift his boxershorts with it, but still squirted his own sperm not only into the fabric, but also on his forearm and stomach, a few drops even reached his hard-working chest. The last movements, which forced the last remnant of the accumulated ejaculate out of his body, sounded smacky and were greasy. A final jerk of his pelvis, a few lonely splashes of cum and everything in him relaxed again.

Gradually, his pulse calmed down, the buzzing in his ears subsided, and he slowly opened his eyes. The air was still permeated with clouds of smoke, in which the light of his bedside lamp was reflected. Taking a deep breath, he let go of his dripping cock, which hardly really lost its hardness, continued to protrude between his thighs. He lowered his eyes and looked at the mess he had made. Thick, creamy white sperm stuck everywhere, dripped from his arm, ran into his navel, sucked through the dark red cotton fabric.

Disgusted, he wiped his forearm on the dirty boxer shorts, took them off and swabbed most of the sperm on his stomach with it. He threw the dirty ball into the room, where it landed on the glass bottles, which rolled around with a slight clink.

He took a few more breaths and finally stretched out his legs, put his hands between them and looked at his semi-stiff member, then at the blood his foot had left on the sheet. His eighteenth birthday and the first thing he did was wanking. So that much hadn't changed compared to seventeen, he was still a virgin, single – but now a poof, whom he had once thought was his best friend, had robbed him of his first kiss and got horny on him, treated him like an oversized fuck pillow. He closed his eyes, hammered the back of his head against the wood panelling several times, sobbed and felt hot tears roll down his cheeks. You should actually get things on your birthday, right? Then why had he lost everything today?!